Archive of Our Own

“Do I know you?”

Seungmin looks up from his position on the couch where he had been quietly nursing his near empty red cup for the last ten minutes or so. He's all set to make some snide remark—something like, No, you don't and don't bother thinking that you're about to— but the words stay at the tip of his tongue when he sees who it is that spoke.

“I know you, don't I.” Changbin Seo says the words more like a statement of fact, less of an inquiry. Without even waiting for a response, he proceeds to park himself on the couch, right in the space between Seungmin and a couple that has been sucking face for the last five minutes—probably more; at least it feels like more. The way Changbin carries himself almost makes it seem like he owns the place.

This house party that Jisung dragged Seungmin to isn't exactly dead; there are dozens of other people that Changbin can talk to if he wishes, and yet here he is, regarding Seungmin under dim mood lighting as if trying to figure out who he is.

Seungmin can make it easy for him and enlighten him—Advanced Music Theory, Tuesdays and Thursdays, 10AM, Professor Showalter—but he doesn't. His jaw tightens, and he waits, curious if Changbin is going to come up with the answer on his own. It's not really a big class, and Seungmin sits right down the row from him.

“We have an elective together,” Changbin guesses eventually, after a few short beats, the right corner of his mouth turning up. When Seungmin turns to meet his gaze, his grin widens. “Aha! Music Theory!” He seems so proud of himself that Seungmin can't help but laugh.

“Ding ding ding!” he remarks, trying not to be too pleased at being recognized. How silly would that be? Never mind that he's had a burgeoning crush on the guy since the previous term, when they had been in Music History 1 together; never mind that he has long ago discovered Changbin's SoundCloud, and has long since worn out the songs, listening to them on repeat whenever he needed to destress even though half of them don't even fall under music genres that Seungmin typically listens to. For example, he finds that ‘WOW’ is very much a fuckboy anthem, but it has at least 30 plays in Seungmin's stats anyway. What can he say? There's something about Changbin's gravelly tone that does it for him.

“So, do you have a name or do I just call you Music Theory Guy?” Changbin asks.

“It's Sky,” he says, which is the name most of his Caucasian peers call him by. “Or Seungmin,” he adds, his birth name he prefers that people close to him use. “Seungmin Sky Kim.”

“Nice to meet you, Seungmin Sky Kim.” Changbin grins. He adjusts in his seat, legs manspreading while one arm swings over the back of the couch. Suddenly Seungmin is not sure if his cheeks are warm because of the alcohol—one cup of weak beer, admittedly—or because of Changbin's proximity. Changbin exudes confidence, and that's something that has always drawn Seungmin to him despite having never really had a personal conversation with him before now. Whenever he spoke up in class, he always carried with him a certain air of self-assurance, even though sometimes his jokes could be filed under self-deprecation. “Do you know Chris or Minho?”

“Huh?” Seungmin is confused. The name Minho does sound familiar at least, but his brain clearly isn't fully functional at the moment, too distracted by the fact that Changbin is choosing to have a conversation with him. He feels like a damn schoolgirl with a crush—and that's really only half accurate.

Changbin seems to detect his confusion at the question and he laughs. “This party is to celebrate their birthdays,” he explains.

“Oh.” Seungmin feels like an idiot now. “Not me. My friend—my roommate, Jisung. He knows Minho, I think? He's the one who dragged me here.”

“Jisung Han?” Changbin clarifies. “With the cheeks?”

“Everyone has cheeks,” Seungmin snarks and Changbin snorts. 

“With the pretend swag then?” 

“Pretend sw—” Seungmin easily bursts into laughter. “But yeah, him. You know him?”

“I live with Chris and Minho,” Changbin says simply. “Of course I know him.”

That does not explain anything to Seungmin but his jaw tightens at the realization that Jisung has known Changbin all along; he's  glad that he has never mentioned him or his silly little crush. He can't remember if he has ever listened to SpearB's—Changbin's musician pseudonym—SoundCloud with Jisung at home before; if he has, Jisung has definitely never said anything about recognizing the songs.

“Wait—” he realizes something about the way Changbin worded his statement. “You said ‘of course’?”

“Yeah?” Changbin sounds confused at Seungmin's confusion. “Jisung’s here a lot.”

“A lot?” He feels like a parrot. Apparently Jisung's been hiding things from him as well; he doesn't really feel upset considering his own tendency to be private, but he's surprised because Jisung has mentioned his crush more than a few times. For some reason, Seungmin had assumed it was a one-sided, from afar thing—kind of like his own situation.

“Yeah?” Changbin gives him a strange look. “He's Chris' little protégé or something. They're both Digital Music Production majors and Chris was his TA in some intro course last year.”

“Ah, okay.” Seungmin does at least know his roommate's major. Jisung has a tendency to talk a lot sometimes when he gets excited, and Seungmin swears that he listens to the best of his ability, but, “Chris? He's never mentioned a Chris.” Minho is a different story, but he keeps that to himself, just in case Changbin has no idea about Jisung's embarrassing crush. As much as Seungmin clowns his roommate, he does feel a sense of loyalty towards him.

“What about a Chan? Because Chan is Chris, Chris is Chan. They're one and the same.”

Oh. Oh. “Yeah, then. He's been mentioned here or there.”

Changbin laughs. “Bet he's mentioned Minho countless times, though?” There's a spark, a glint of teasing mischief in his eyes and Seungmin chortles; apparently there's no need to hide his roommate's hapless crush.

“Well, yeah.” If Seungmin is to be honest, Jisung's thing for this Minho guy has been mildly exhausting for him, mostly because Jisung couldn't stop talking about him.

“Figures.” Changbin laughs some more, which Seungmin finds irritatingly attractive. “Those two met through Chris. They're very annoying together.”

Seungmin huffs. “What's annoying is Jisung inviting me to this—” he gestures around them to indicate the party, “—only to leave me alone to fend for myself while he—I don't even know. He said he was gonna go look for this Minho dude twenty minutes ago—said he was gonna introduce me but that was the last I saw him tonight.”

“Well—” Changbin straightens up; gets up on his feet. “I saw them in the kitchen five or so minutes ago, actually. I'll be a better host and introduce you to Minho while we refill your drink if you want.”

“Oh.” Seungmin looks down at his cup and then at Changbin. The beer tasted like shit and he doesn't really want a refill, but he does want to go with Changbin. Also, the couple on the other side of the couch are still attached at their mouths and they're making him long to bleach his eyes. It isn't very much of a choice; obviously he wants . “Okay.”

He follows when Changbin starts leading the way across the room and through the crowd, greeting other party goers with easy familiarity. Clearly he knows all of them, but that makes sense now that Seungmin knows this party is for his housemates, and that he lives here. 

The kitchen is less crowded than the living room, and it's easy to spot Jisung leaning against the side of the fridge. For someone who's usually a self-professed homebody, he's laughing quite freely and looking like he's having the time of his life, his attention focused solely on an unfamiliar man whom Seungmin assumes is Minho. He's certainly good looking, Seungmin will give Jisung that. And to be fair, Minho's full attention also seems to be concentrated on Jisung.

“Hey dumbfucks,” Changbin greets them, popping their private bubble. “Picked up a stray in the next room.”

Minho and Jisung both turn, at the same time, to look at them, and Jisung's eyes immediately widen when they land on Seungmin. “Oh, shit,” Jisung mutters; he looks apologetic, at least.

“You left me by myself,” Seungmin berates him.

“Sorry,” Jisung apologizes, just as Minho chimes in with,

“It's a party. You just mingle if you're on your own.”

Seungmin turns towards him, eyes narrowed. “Well he's the one who invited me and convinced me to come against my better judgment.”

“And now, presumably also against your better judgment, you've met and mingled with my wonderful roommate, Changbin,” Minho says, head tilting with amusement that's mixed with a hint of challenge.

“Minho,” Jisung chastises him with an elbow to his side, while the man in question actually laughs.

“Yeah, sorry,” he says, aggravatingly laid back. “Just messing with you.”

Seungmin keeps staring at him, looking nonplussed and doing his best to keep his irritation at bay.

“Well. Seungmin, this is Minho,” Jisung finally introduces him; At least he has the gall to look sheepish. “Minho, this is Seungmin, my roommate.”

“I've heard about you,” Minho says, tone casual. “You're the guy who opens the curtains at the crack of dawn.”

Seungmin glares at Jisung who seems to slink behind Minho. Changbin only laughs.

“Says the guy who puts on workout music early in the day, every single day,” Changbin interjects, giving Minho a pointed look.

“Okay Mr. Leaves the Lights On In All The Rooms,” Minho shoots back.

And then everyone is laughing, tension breaking.

“Well, happy birthday I guess,” Seungmin tells Minho.

“Thanks, but it's not for more than a week yet. Party's tonight because it's somewhere in the middle of mine and Chris’,” Minho explains.

“Uh, okay? Advanced, then?” Seungmin doesn't really care about the difference, but whatever.

“Thanks.” This time Minho offers a casual but more genuine smile.

Jisung is beaming, seemingly happy that the two of them are now at least being cordial. Seungmin glances at Changbin, grateful for him easing the tension, but then he notices that the latter has gone ghostly white.

“Shit,” Changbin mutters. 

Minho's eyes follow his gaze, and Seungmin takes his cue from them. Changbin is looking at a pair of guys who apparently just arrived, if the way people are greeting them with enthusiasm is any indication. One of them has a very pretty face and very good proportions, long legs and long limbs that give him the illusion of more height. His hair is dyed blonde and cascades past his shoulders, and amidst a crowd he seems to glow. Meanwhile, his companion is smaller, with a tiny, fairylike face. He's cute; pretty as well but in a different way from his taller companion.

“You didn't tell me you invited them,” Changbin mutters, attention directed at Minho.

“I mean I gave a general invitation to the dance crew.” Minho frowns. “I didn't expect they’d actually turn up knowing that the party is here.”

Seungmin looks at Jisung, wondering if he knows what's going on; from the way he's pursing his lips, he seems to at least have an idea and Seungmin suddenly feels very othered.

“Shit,” Changbin hisses, wincing and looking extremely bothered. “He's coming over here.”

“Fuck.” Minho sighs. “Sorry dude. I'll handle this—”

“No, it's okay.” Changbin stands at his tallest, which isn't really that tall, but the obvious tightness in his jaw makes him give off an intimidating vibe. “I can handle this fine.”

Minho looks unconvinced, if the way he shoves his half-full red cup into Changbin's hands is any indication, and he's probably right to worry since Changbin downs what is left of the drink.

And then Seungmin notices that the newly arrived pair is making their way towards their direction, and he feels awkward even though he has absolutely no idea who either of them are.

“Hey!” The taller guy is the one who greets them. “Minho-hyung, happy birthday,” he tells Minho, who smiles cordially and accepts the greeting without arguing like he did with Seungmin. And then the guy's attention lands on Changbin. “Hyung,” he greets, the polite but intimate Korean honorific loosely and naturally falling off his tongue. “Long time no see.”

Changbin nods wordlessly.

“This is Jisung.” Minho takes it upon himself to break the silence this time, nudging Jisung forward.

“Hi,” Jisung squeaks out.

“Yeah, hi.” Hyunjin smiles awkwardly at him. “Felix and I recognize you from whenever you pick up Minho-hyung at the dance studios.”

Seungmin recalls Jisung mentioning that Minho is a dancer, and he guesses that Hyunjin is too, as well as the Felix guy next to him.

“And this is Seungmin,” Changbin pipes up, surprising him as his strong, beefy arm lands around Seungmin's shoulders. “He's here as my date.”

Seungmin, shockingly, doesn't choke at that, but— say what again, date?! He looks over at Minho, and then at Jisung, both of whom barely react themselves. What is going on?

Hyunjin is the only one who physically shows obvious surprise, further proven by the soft oh that leaves him.

“Well, it's nice to meet you Seungmin.” Hyunjin recovers quickly, smiling pleasantly. “This is Felix.” He links hands with the boy next to him. “My boyfriend.”

Seungmin notices the subtle way that Changbin pulls him closer, just a little, and it dawns on him that something must have gone down between them so he only smiles politely. 

“Nice to meet you,” Felix says, his cheerfulness strange considering the heavy atmosphere.

“Anyway,” Minho interrupts. “The other dancers are out in the yard if you're looking for them. They're either doing body shots or playing beer pong. Come on—” he hooks arms with Jisung and gestures for the two other males to follow. “Let's go play with them.”

“Yeah, alright.” Hyunjin nods. “See you around, hyung,” he says to Changbin. “You as well, Seungmin.”

And then they're off, exiting the kitchen through the back door and Changbin's arm has unwrapped itself from around Seungmin's shoulders.

“Sorry about that,” he mutters, fingers running through his hair. He looks… sad, Seungmin realizes. Gone is the veneer of confidence he had worn when he first sat next to Seungmin in the living room not even half an hour earlier. “That was my ex.”

“Yeah…” Seungmin exhales softly. “Figured as much.”

•••

When Seungmin wakes up the next morning, it's to Jisung tiptoeing inside their room, clearly having only just gotten in.

“Is this what they call the walk of shame?” Seungmin pipes up, taking Jisung by surprise, the way he jumps and covers his chest with his hands clear indications.

It makes Seungmin laugh, and he throws his covers off himself as he sits up.

“I thought you were still asleep,” Jisung says. “Curtains are still drawn.”

“Yeah.” Seungmin hides his mouth with the back of his hand as he lets out a yawn. “I allowed myself to sleep in today. Surprised I couldn't say the same for you.” He squints at Jisung as the latter pads towards him.

“Here,” Jisung says, offering him a tall cup of coffee. “Got this for you. And we woke up early because Minho had to be at the studio early.”

Seungmin takes the drink with a muttered thanks and Jisung retreats to his side of the room to throw himself onto his bed, face down. Seungmin twists the lid off the cup and blows on his warm drink before taking a long sip, letting the caffeine invigorate him before resuming his conversation with Jisung.

“So,” he starts, his tone gently teasing  “You and that Minho guy. That's really happening huh?” 

Jisung lets out a squeak; he rolls onto his back and kicks his feet in the air, looking extremely giddy as he turns on his side to face Seungmin. “We didn't fuck, if that's what you mean by that comment.”

Seungmin laughs. “I mean… yeah. I guess I was mostly talking in general terms but I kinda assumed that you two…”

“Nope.” Jisung grins, and for someone who apparently didn't get laid the night before he looks radiantly happy. “I told him I like him, but we didn't fuck. We just stayed up all night. Talked. Cuddled.”

“Cuddled,” Seungmin repeats.

He had first met Jisung at the start of freshman year when the school had randomly thrown them together to be roommates. The guy isn't exactly a lothario, but he does like sex and Seungmin knows this because he isn't shy when it comes to talking about it, not with him anyway. Besides, Seungmin has been banished from their dorm room enough times with a sock on the door over the last year or so. Jisung can certainly pull if he wants to. 

Despite their differences, Seungmin and Jisung have formed a surprisingly strong friendship, one that had them requesting to room together again this year. That said, Seungmin cares a great deal about Jisung's happiness and if he hasn't jumped Minho's bones yet despite having fawned over him since at least the end of the previous term, then Seungmin figures there must be something special there.

“Uh huh. It was great.” Jisung smiles, clearly smitten. “What did you think about him?”

Seungmin shrugs. He doesn't really think much about the guy, but it's not as if he has a lot to go off on. He hasn't forgotten about Minho being overly familiar with his retorts, but he had also noted that he seemed like a pretty loyal friend to Changbin.

Speaking of whom—after the weird encounter with his ex, Changbin had said that he needed to go out and get some air, and then he'd proceeded to offer Seungmin a ride home which he accepted. Their early exit ensured that he didn't really get any other chance to interact with Jisung's Minho.

“He's weird,” Seungmin opts to say. “A bit rude?”

Jisung's face falls.

“But you like him,” Seungmin hurriedly continues. “And he likes you. He doesn't need me to like him.”

Jisung laughs. “He's just… weird, I guess. Like you said. He can be super blunt, but that's kind of his way in with people.”

“Mhm.” Seungmin takes another sip from his drink. “I'm happy for you Jisung.”

“Me too. I'm happy for myself!” Jisung rolls around on his bed as if he's trying to shake away the giddiness he's feeling; eventually he settles, limbs spread out as he stares at the ceiling. “So—”

“So?”

“So,” Jisung repeats, turning to his side to face Seungmin's direction again. “Did Changbin explain the whole Hyunjin thing?”

“Ah.” Seungmin shrugs. “He told me that the guy is his ex. That's all.”

“I thought he drove you home?”

“Yeah, but we didn't get deep about his ex.” Seungmin laughs. “We talked about Dr. Showalter and we also talked about you and Minho, actually. He told me you're annoying together and I do not doubt it—”

“Hey!” Jisung pouts, but he barely protests.

“By the way I'm offended that you never told me how far along the thing between you guys have progressed,” Seungmin tells Jisung; he isn't mad, but he does feel a bit slighted. “I thought it was just a silly crush.” He clicks his tongue.

“Well, that's because even though we hung out a lot, it also felt a lot like a silly crush on my part. I didn't really think he was into me as more than a friend, and when he started dropping hints that it could be more on his part as well, I didn't wanna jinx it.” He laughs; giddily punches the mattress around him. “That's why I wanted to introduce you to him. So you can tell me if I was just imagining a mutual thing.”

Seungmin hums in acknowledgment.

“But don't change the topic. Changbin really didn't tell you anything else about Hyunjin?” Jisung presses.

“Uh, well. He apologized for introducing me as his date?”

Jisung huffs. “That was kinda out of the blue wasn't it? Him doing that.”

Seungmin shrugs. He doesn't mention the butterflies that had raged in his stomach when Changbin had done that.

“Minho told me a little about what happened with him and Hyunjin,” Jisung shares.

“So what I'm hearing here is that your new boyfriend loves to gossip,” Seungmin retorts.

“He's not my boyfriend!” Jisung automatically protests, and then he giggles, so much that it makes even Seungmin smile. “Not yet anyway. We don't have labels right now.”

“Changbin was right. The two of you are annoying.”

“Oy!” Jisung huffs. “Never mind us. Do you wanna know what I learned or not?”

Seungmin shrugs again. Of course he does, but he doesn't want to appear too eager about it.

“They dated for almost two years,” Jisung explains without further prompting. “They knew each other back in high school, and started dating in the middle of Changbin's senior year. Hyunjin followed him to university here, but halfway through last year, Hyunjin dumped him and Changbin was devastated.”

“But why did they break up?”

“So you are curious,” Jisung declares with a triumphant smirk.

“Well if you're gonna tell me, just tell me.”

Jisung laughs. “Honestly I have no idea. Minho didn't really offer much of an explanation. All he said is that Changbin isn't really completely over Hyunjin. He started dating that Felix guy last month—they both dance with Minho. It's a small fucking world.”

“It's a small fucking university,” Seungmin points out.

“Hmm… I guess.” Jisung shrugs. “I'm surprised that he didn't talk about it more with you, especially after dragging you into that messy business. But Changbin's otherwise okay. He's fun and he's a good guy.”

“It's fine,” Seungmin says. “It was a harmless white lie. And if it helped him deal with the sight of his ex with a new guy, then… whatever.”

Jisung smiles. “You're a good guy too, Seungmin. Underneath all that prickliness you're good.”

“Whatever.” Seungmin rolls his eyes and throws a pillow at Jisung. “Shut up.”

Later that afternoon, Seungmin is surprised to find a string of notifications on his phone screen, all from an unknown number.

it's changbin, the first message says. from the party, it goes on. got your number from minho who got it from jisung. i hope it's okay.

it's fine. whats up? Seungmin answers.

i just wanted to say sorry again. you know. for last night.

Seungmin decides to be purposefully obtuse. for driving me home? i appreciate it actually.

no. um. for introducing you as my date to jinnie. hyunjin.

it's ok. It takes Seungmin a minute or so of staring at the message before he sends an answer back. you had enough presence of mind not to introduce me as your new bf at least. no fake breakup has to be staged.

lol. you're right. still feel bad. you deserve an apology.

you already said sorry last night. And Changbin really had; he had profusely apologized despite Seungmin repeatedly trying to assure him that it was okay. That he didn't mind and that it was a harmless farce. i can provide an explanation too, if you want one, Changbin adds, and admittedly Seungmin wouldn't mind that.

only if you want to give it, he says. but i don't think you owe me anything.

you're a nice guy, seungmin.

Jisung had told him the same thing, but the effect coming from Changbin is different; he has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling too much.

is that a good thing? they say nice guys finish la st.

haha. don't i know it .

Seungmin stares at the words. He wonders if Changbin is talking about himself, because that's the only inference that can be made from those words, right? He navigates his browser to SoundCloud, the tab drop-down immediately (unsurprisingly) suggesting SpearB's profile page to him. He pulls up his playlist of favorites, and there's a song on it called ‘Ex.’ It's a song that he has listened to many times before, a song that he enjoys because of the melancholy in the melody but despite the anguish in the lyrics.

But now when he hits play, he wonders if it's about Hyunjin.

hey, can i ask something? he sends to Changbin.

shoot.

was it a bad breakup?

It takes longer than usual for Changbin's response to come through; for a couple of minutes, Seungmin stares at his phone, at the three animated dots indicating that Changbin is writing a reply.

haha. going for the hard hitting ones huh? it wasn't exactly bad. just.. sad. and now he's moved on, and i really don't want him to pity me so i ended up… you know. 

you ended up pretending you came with a date to the party.

yeah. sorry again.

it's okay. i mean it.

you're a sweet guy seungmin.

His cheeks feel uncharacteristically warm upon reading that.

lol, he answers. been told that once or twice.

must be true, then. ;)

᯽

Maybe he shouldn't be surprised when Tuesday comes along and in their shared class, Changbin, without fuss, just slides into the empty seat next to Seungmin's.

“Not even gonna ask if the spot's taken?” Seungmin comments, glancing at Changbin who grins at him. 

“Should I move to another seat, then?

Seungmin goes back to looking down at his laptop, not wanting Changbin to read too much from his expression. “No. Whatever. Stay.”

Changbin laughs and simply settles in his seat. Their professor, Dr. Showalter, enters the room soon enough, and class begins. Seungmin is usually great at focusing in class, always with meticulously organized notes. Every now and then, he might get distracted when the class gets into an enthusiastic and interesting lecture (which just so happens to usually be when Changbin is the one leading the discussion—for an Economics major, he has a lot of opinions on Music Theory), but the distraction is threefold with Changbin right next to him, barely taking notes on his moleskine notebook, and peering over at Seungmin's laptop screen instead.

In his defense, Changbin is wearing a plain, black shirt, probably not meant to be skintight, but nevertheless hugs his muscles finely. Every time he jots down something on his notebook or he leans slightly towards Seungmin's direction, his biceps flex or his pecs bulge.

“—na pair up?”

“What? Huh?” Seungmin, too self conscious, has completely lost track not just of what the professor is saying, but of what Changbin is going on about as well. For the last five minutes all he had been doing was reading the same line from his lecture notes over and over again.

“I said—” Changbin chuckles lowly, and continues to whisper, “wanna pair up? Showalter just gave us the final details for the term project. You weren't listening were you?”

“Wait, what?” Seungmin cringes and looks at the whiteboard in front of the room where their Professor has scribbled a few things that he assumes are pertaining to the project Changbin's just mentioned. “Uh, what's the project going to be about?”

Changbin snorts. “I'll tell you later, but I'll submit our names together, yeah?” He taps the clipboard that Seungmin only now notices he's holding; he assumes it's a list of the partnerships for class and he just nods, almost robotically.

Music Theory class ends soon after that, and Changbin hangs around, waiting as Seungmin gathers his things.

“What time is your last class today?” he asks as they walk out of the room together.

Honestly, Seungmin feels giddy inside; feels like he's about to implode in his attempt to keep in all the butterflies that Changbin is making him feel just by talking to him. He hates it because he feels like a child with his first crush, but he also likes it because… your crush noticing you is never really a bad thing.

“My last one ends at 4,” he answers. 

“Oh, cool,” Changbin nods. “My day is free from 3 onwards—wanna get coffee around 4? 4:30?”

“Huh?” Seungmin blanks. Is Changbin  asking him on a date?

Changbin laughs, likely because of Seungmin's incredulous expression. “Earth to Seungmin? Are you always this distracted? Just figured it'd be good to discuss our game plan for our project—and so I can explain exactly what Showalter is asking us to do. You weren't exactly listening earlier, either.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah.” Seungmin laughs nervously. God, way to look like an idiot in front of someone he's been crushing on for at least a term and a half. “Sure. I can do after class.”

“Should we just go meet at The Grind?” Changbin suggests.

The Grind is the two storey café just outside campus grounds where most students go to hang out or study. Most people choose The Grind for the atmosphere and aesthetics, but Seungmin is usually more of a library kind of guy. For his daily dose of caffeine he's satisfied with the coffee cart that is regularly found near said library, but he could make an exception.

“Yeah, okay,” he agrees easily.

“Cool. 4:30?”

“I can make it there at 4:15,” Seungmin says.

“Alright. It's a date.” Changbin smirks and gives him a salute. “Have to hurry on to my next class now—it's at the other end of the campus so see ya later!” 

And just like that, he's rushing off and Seungmin is left there, standing frozen in the hallway.

A date?!

Seungmin arrives at The Grind, 4:14 PM on the dot, while Changbin makes him wait another 20 minutes before he's spotted scurrying into the cafe. Seungmin finds himself a little irritated; after all  Changbin was the one whose classes had ended earlier and he still couldn't be there on time.

He tries to keep on his annoyed expression, because he really doesnt appreciate tardiness and he wants that known, but as Changbin, out of breath, approaches the table where he's sat, he finds his indignation automatically ebbing away.

“Sorry for being late,” Changbin apologizes as he slides into the seat across Seungmin. “Kinda lost track of time. Have you ordered yet?”

“It's fine,” Seungmin mumbles before pointing at his half empty cup of Americano.

“Aw, crap, was gonna say drinks and food are on me.” Changbin pouts, which only softens Seungmin countenance even more.

“It's really fine,” he repeats. 

“Next time,” Changbin says, his tone implying a promise.

“Okay,” Seungmin agrees, his heart stupidly skipping a beat at the mere implication of a next time.

He allows Changbin to excuse himself for a short while so he can order himself a drink, and when he returns, he not only has a drink for himself (iced tea, not coffee, Seungmin notes), but also two pieces of eclairs, one of which he offers to Seungmin.

“Do you like sweet things?” Changbin asks.

Not particularly, is the correct answer, but Seungmin smiles gratefully, politely, and accepts the generous (and most likely apologetic) offering. “Occasionally,” is the answer he gives out loud. 

“I could be a sweet thing,” Changbin comments smoothly.

Seungmin lifts an eyebrow and stares at him; his heart stutters in his chest but he manages to keep a straight expression.

Changbin, meanwhile, laughs. “Sorry,” he says. “It comes naturally.”

“Lame pick up lines?”

“No, flirting.”

Seungmin snorts and rolls his eyes, hoping against hope that he isn't blushing. “Anyway, what should we do for our project?”

The project, it turns out, does not have very specific parameters. The professor generally wants them to apply and showcase whatever they have learned in class, but it's up to them how to do that.

Changbin had sent him a picture of his notes earlier; his chicken scratch handwriting notwithstanding, Seungmin had found the project a little fuzzy in the details. He had complained to Changbin about how the professor should be more straightforward—if he wants something from his students, then he should be clear.

it's college, Changbin had said, with an inordinate amount of emojis tacked on. we don't get spoonfed. it'll be fun!

Seungmin had ended up thinking about it for the rest of the afternoon; unfortunately, he's still drawing a blank on ideas. 

“There are two ways we can go,” Changbin tells him now, and Seungmin is relieved, albeit (not for the first time) wondering how he ended up majoring in Economics when he's so gung ho about this music thing. “One, we can choose an existing composition—maybe a classic, maybe a pop song. We deconstruct it, break it down, only to put it together again using all we've learned about music theory. Basically we rearrange a song to our taste.”

He chuckles, and when he looks to Seungmin for a reaction, Seungmin nods and motions for him to continue.

“But I think the best and obvious way to apply music theories is to just… create our own music, yeah?” Changbin muses. “Have you ever written a song?”

In high school, Seungmin had made attempts. He used to scribble lyrics in the margins of his notes, and he had a few half-written piano melodies here and there. He was mostly focused on baseball back then, though, and when he couldn't focus on that anymore, when it had been taken away from him, he had turned to his studies instead, determined to get into the best universities to lend his future more choices.

“Not entirely,” he admits.

“Well, we can work on that together.” Changbin nods confidently. “I mean—if you're fine going that direction?”

Seungmin shrugs. He doesn't have ideas to counter Changbin with so he might as well just go along. Besides, even if Changbin doesn't know it, Seungmin is already well versed in his music and more than curious about his process.

“Well this meeting went smoother than anticipated,” Changbin comments, grinning around his straw as he takes a sip of his iced tea.

Seungmin huffs. “You were expecting otherwise?”

Changbin laughs. “Nah, I guess not really. Thanks for being such an agreeable person, Seungmin.” He grins, irritatingly attractive. “So—what was your last class before coming here?”

“A philosophy class,” he answers.  “East Asian Philosophies with–”

“With Dr. Choi?”  Changbin finishes inquiringly. “I took that elective last year and aced it!”

“Yeah?”

“Are you surprised?” Changbin laughs. Seungmin isn't, really. Changbin has always seemed smart and well articulated from what Seungmin has observed of him in the classes they've shared, but he only shrugs nonchalantly. “I still have some notes from that class,” Changbin tells him. “If you can read my handwriting you can have them. Generally, if you need any help,” he thumps his chest, “I had A's on all my papers for Choi.”

Seungmin mouths a quiet oh, but he nods appreciatively. “Thanks,” he says. “I really might take you up on that.”

“Good—”

Whatever Changbin is about to say is interrupted, a third voice intruding on their conversation.

“Hey, guys.” 

Seungmin has no idea how they didn't notice him approaching, but when they turn at the greeting, they find that Hyunjin is now standing next to their table, awkwardly offering them a smile.

“Hyunjin.” Changbin's eyes have widened, and Seungmin can tell he looks a little panicked.

Maybe that's why, without thinking, Seungmin's first instinct is to casually slide a hand across the table to take Changbin's in his. The gesture isn't lost on Hyunjin whose gaze follows Seungmin's hand  movement with an amused expression.

“Uh.” His smile grows; stretches across his cheeks. Seungmin is usually great at reading people, but right now he can't decide if Hyunjin's smile is genuine or forced. “I didn't mean to interrupt your date, I just saw you guys and I wanted to say hello.”

“Hello,” Seungmin echoes. He doesn't clarify that this is a study-slash-coffee thing and not a date. Let him think what he wants. Nevertheless, he glances at Changbin; he can clarify if he wants.

“Hey.” Changbin only nods at Hyunjin, still a little stiff. Seungmin squeezes his hand, and he manages a smile.

“Well, that's it I guess.” Hyunjin chuckles. “I'm just getting coffee for the guys at dance so—carry on with your little date. It's nice seeing you two again.” He smiles at Seungmin, and absolutely beams at Changbin. It's at that point Seungmin realizes that it's not even like he's jealous but more as if he's actually happy for Changbin.

It's kinda weird, Seungmin thinks to himself, but he doesn't let go of Changbin's hand until after Hyunjin collects his tray of takeout drinks and gives them another nod of acknowledgement before exiting the café.

“Well.” He eyes Changbin warily.

“Well,” Changbin repeats, nodding. He's been quiet for the last several minutes that Hyunjin had been there; had just automatically clammed up compared to how relaxed he was prior to his ex-boyfriend's interruption.

This alone makes Hyunjin annoying to Seungmin even though he seems to genuinely be a good guy.

“You okay?” he asks softly.

Changbin shrugs. “Yeah. Of course.”

Seungmin squints at him. “Hyunjin seems nice.”

“He's very nice,” Changbin agrees.

Seungmin looks down at his half eaten eclair. He pokes the chocolate glaze before he looks up at Changbin again, determined, curious. “So it was a bad breakup, then?”

He's already asked before, over text, but Changbin answered in circles. He figures there's a chance that he just might get a more straightforward answer now that he's asking in person, and just after another encounter with his ex.

“Me and Hyunjin?”

“Yeah.” He bites back the snarky who else? at the tip of his tongue.

Changbin shrugs. “Yes and no?” He takes a sip of his drink. “It was my fault.”

“What do you mean?”

Changbin shrugs again. “He wasn't happy with me anymore, so he ended things.”

There's obviously more to the story, but it seems Changbin still doesn't really want to elaborate further, so curious as he is, Seungmin doesn't press on that front and drops it once more.

“Your songs,” he starts instead. “On your SoundCloud.”

Changbin looks at him, surprised.

“Most of your songs on there… they're for him aren't they?”

A small, sad smile forms on Changbin's lips. He shrugs, but he doesn't deny anything. For some reason, his silence only serves to help Seungmin feel his hurt even more.

I want to help him forget, a traitorous thought whispers from the back of Seungmin's head.

“Thanks, by the way,” Changbin  says.

“For?”

“The hand holding was comforting.”

Seungmin feels warmth rise up to his cheeks. “You seemed like you needed that comfort.”

Changbin laughs, finally loosening up again. “I must seem completely pathetic huh?”

“Yep.”

“Hey!” Changbin huffs, but there's no real affront in his expression. “You're supposed to disagree!”

“Oops.” Seungmin laughs. “My bad.”

Changbin scoffs, but then he smiles at Seungmin, and Seungmin can't help but return it.

You want to help him, that traitorous voice eggs on, louder this time.

“Really though,” Changbin says. “You didn't have to keep up with the farce I started last Saturday. But I admit, it made me feel good. At least Hyunjin stopped looking like he feels bad around me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hyunjin and I… Apart from the fact that campus grounds aren't that big, we have some friend overlap, so even though it's obvious that we try to avoid each other as much as we can, we still run across each other every now and then.” Changbin shrugs. “Like—you saw it happen at the party. I know Minho would have thrown them out if I asked, but I would never, so run-ins are inevitable. And every time he looks at me, he always looks pained. Like he feels really bad, like—”

“Like he pities you?” Seungmin asks, echoing the words Changbin had told him through text a few days ago.

He nods. “It sucks. I hate it. When we broke up we said we'll try to eventually get to a point where we can be friends again but I can't do that if he's going to keep looking at me like… like that.”

Seungmin nods slowly.  A half baked idea begins to form in his head. “What if…”

“What if?”

“I don't mind…”

Changbin looks at him with confusion.

“I don't mind continuing to pretend a little more,” he manages to say, shrugging as if he doesn't care; as if his heart isn't raging in his chest; as if his brain isn't screaming at him to abort this silly idea. “You can make him think we're dating for a little while more—earlier he really didn't look like he pitied you. He looked like he was happy for you.”

“You're…” Changbin gawks. “You're right, actually. He did look happy.”

Seungmin shrugs. “Just saying. Let him think you're moving on or something. Offer's on the table if you want it.”

Changbin actually appears to consider it for all of two seconds before a cheeky grin spreads across his lips. 

“Fine,” he says, chuckling. “What do I have to lose at this point? I'm in.”

“You're fake dating Changbin?!”

When Jisung bursts into their shared dorm room not even five hours later, these are the first words out of his mouth.

“Let me guess.” Seungmin rolls his eyes from where he's seated at his desk, laptop and textbooks open in front of him. “Minho told you.”

Jisung kicks his shoes off and crawls onto his bed where he sits, legs criss-crossed, and faces Seungmin. “Well duh,” he scoffs. “Who else? So. It is true?!”

Seungmin shrugs. “I guess.”

“I guess,” Jisung mocks. “What do you mean you guess?! It's a yes or no question!”

Seungmin laughs. “I mean. I guess!”

Jisung glowers and hisses through gritted teeth. “Insufferable.”

“Well, now you know! You don't have a monopoly on insufferability.”

Jisung grabs one of his pillows and throws it at Seungmin, from whom it just bounces off and limply lands on the floor. “How'd it happen?!”

“We were having coffee because we paired up for a project and we ran into Hyunjin,” Seungmin explains. “And he kinda… assumed things.” He shrugs. “We ran with it.”

He doesn't explain that he purposefully made Hyunjin conjure assumptions with a simple hand hold.

“What the fuck, man.” Jisung shakes his head. “Is this you living your Bridgerton fantasies?”

“What?” Seungmin laughs. The two of them had binged on the first season of the Netflix series a while back in lieu of stressing over and cramming for the previous term finals and Jisung has since taken it upon himself to reference it whenever he can even when it isn't really fitting. Like now, apparently. “Fuck off.” Seungmin shakes his head. “If there's anyone here with Bridgerton fantasies, it's you.”

Jisung snickers. “I'm not the one who proposed a fake relationship like on the show,” he points out, and okay, so maybe the comment was maybe a little fitting in that case, but Seungmin isn't about to admit that. 

“You're still the one obsessed with the show,” Seungmin says as he picks up Jisung's pillow off the floor and tosses it at him; he grins when it hits his roommate directly in the face.

“Okay, but really.” Jisung stares at him, eyes peeking out from the top of the pillow as he now hugs it close. “What's the endgame, Seungmin? When does it end? How does it end?”

Seungmin shrugs; the parameters of their impromptu fake dating scheme hasn't really been discussed and he should probably bring that up. “I suppose,” he surmises, “it ends when Changbin manages to be friends again with Hyunjin without looking like he wants to die a slow death every time they talk.”

Jisung stares, suddenly pensive. “You know, he does do that, doesn't he? He always looks like he wants to take a dump every time Hyunjin even so much as looks his way. Crazy!” He shakes his head. “Minho told me they used to be gross and so in love. Couldn't take their eyes and hands off each other.” He visibly shudders. “Shit's insane. And by shit, I obviously mean love.”

Seungmin quirks an eyebrow. “You mean like you with Minho?”

Jisung winces. “Dude. Changbin is the perfect example of why I don't wanna go there y'know? What if we fuck things up? What if I fuck things up? It's all good until it isn't.” 

Jisung sounds legitimately worried and anxious, and Seungmin can't help but soften because of it. “Hey, hey–” he shakes his head and gets up from his chair so he can walk over and sit next to Jisung instead.

He rubs his roommate's back, hopefully in a comforting manner. “You and Minho are way different from them. And isn't that why it's called falling in love? Because you never know how it's gonna land.” He smiles encouragingly. “I've been told it could be great if you give it a shot though. Super worth it, or whatever.”

“Who said anything about falling in love?” Jisung mutters, blushing like a ripe cherry tomato.

Seungmin can only laugh.

᯽

Seungmin is back at the house—the one that Changbin shares with Minho and Chris—and seated on the same couch where Changbin had first approached him at the party. The house in general looks very different in daylight; much cleaner without the smarmy atmosphere of a house party.

He was supposed to meet Changbin there half an hour ago, but the latter called when Seungmin was already on his way, confessing to running late because he was still at the gym. He even had the gall to make a passing statement about how Seungmin should maybe try working out as well, to ‘release endorphins’ if not to build muscle, or something like that, and Seungmin could only shudder as he was reminded of his athlete days.

Chris had been the one to let him in, but he was already on his way out when Seungmin first arrived, and that's how he ended up all alone in a house that's not his own. It feels a little uncomfortable, frankly, so he remains glued to the couch.

He looks up when he hears the front door click; sure enough it's Changbin finally arriving home. He looks freshly showered, and once again he's wearing yet another fitted black shirt—it's almost like a uniform for him, Seungmin notes as his eyes rake over Changbin's figure.

“Take a picture,” Changbin comments with a flirtatious smirk as he walks towards him. “Sorry I'm late.”

Tardiness is honestly one of Seungmin's biggest pet peeves, but once again he's too tongue tied to reprimand Changbin; he only shrugs.

“So, do you wanna get on with the work immediately or?”

“Well that's what I'm here for right?”

Changbin chuckles. “Right. Come on then.” He gestures for Seungmin to follow him as he leads them both to his room on the second floor.

They had agreed to meet because Seungmin decided to accept Changbin's offer of help for his Philosophy class. He's not sure how much he needs it, but the abstractness of philosophical thought doesn't really work very well with Seungmin's own rigid and logical way of thinking.

(That, or maybe Seungmin just wanted an excuse to hang out with Changbin. In his defense, the latter had offered.)

“So—” Changbin drops his bag at the foot of his bed before sitting on the edge of the mattress and gesturing for Seungmin to make himself comfortable anywhere he wants to; Seungmin chooses to park himself on the chair in front of his desk. “What's your paper about?” Changbin asks.

“Confucianism,” Seungmin answers. “Confucianism and its influence on modern living. Something like that. I still have no idea what I want my paper to specifically focus on, though. That's what I need help with.”

Changbin laughs. “Oh I remember that part of the course. My  paper was about the Disneyfication of Confucianism as portrayed through the Disney version of Mulan,” he shares. He slides off from where he's seated and leans down to pull a box out from underneath the bed. “It should be here somewhere. It got an A+ so I kept the print copy. Maybe it can help.”

Seungmin watches him as he's bent over, staring at Changbin's butt. Something is decidedly wrong with him, he thinks, and yet as usual he's unable to tear his eyes off of Changbin.

“Here it is!” Changbin exclaims; when he straightens up, stapled pieces of paper in hand, Seungmin immediately looks away.  “You know,” Changbin says as he holds the papers out towards him, “I vaguely remember being high when I wrote this. With the movie playing in the background.” He chuckles. “Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I smoked a lot every time I had to write something for that class.”

Seungmin accepts the papers and stares at him. “What are you trying to say?”

“Wanna toke up?” Changbin offers with a laugh. “I swear, it helps with all the philosophizing!”

“I—I don't really like smoking,” Seungmin says with a hint of caution in his tone.

“Yeah? Smoking weed is a far different experience from smoking cigarettes, though,” Changbin gently urges.

Seungmin wrinkles his nose. “I know what you meant. I—it's all the same to me. I don't like the feeling of smoke in my lungs, is all.”

“Well good news! I'm pretty sure that Minho baked a new batch of edibles last night.”

Seungmin blinks. “Starting to think you just wanna get high,” he comments.

Changbin smiles sheepishly and raises hands in defeat. “Alright, I admit it. Today was kinda stressful, so—” he shrugs.

Seungmin lifts an eyebrow. ”Any reason for that in particular?”

Changbin shrugs again. “Just little things, one after another. Like—it started this morning, when my laptop crapped out and I had to skip my first class to take it to the service center only to be told it was hopeless. I ended up having to get a new one on the spot, which is more than half my allowance this month down the drain. Not to mention that whole ordeal made me late for my second class today. And then after lunch, I got caught outside while it was pouring hard so I had to attend my financial engineering class looking like a drowned rat. And then! At the gym they actually ran out of hot water while I was showering—” he pauses for breath and gives Seungmin a pointed look. “Like I said. Long day.”

Seungmin suppresses a giggle, without much success. He doesn't mean to appear as if he's laughing at Changbin's apparently excruciating day, but the latter's pouty frustration is kind of cute. “Are you saying that getting high will help me figure out what I wanna write for my paper?”

Changbin shrugs. “Sure. At the very least it wouldn't hurt.”

Seungmin sighs. “Freshly baked edibles you said?”

“Yeah?” Changbin grins and gives him a hopeful look.

“Alright,” Seungmin caves. “Let's have ‘em.”

He supposes it's going to be his first time getting high; accidentally inhaling Jisung's secondhand smoke once and getting lightheaded from it doesn't count.

While Changbin is away, Seungmin gets off his seat and tentatively looks around the room. It really is tidier than what he had expected from Changbin. He especially notes how textbooks are neatly lined up on his desk, against the wall, while the massive Snorlax plush toy on the bed makes him smile.

When Changbin returns, he bears a plate of delicious looking fudge brownies and a large glass of milk.

“Milk with your edibles?” Seungmin squints, as they both sit on the floor at the foot of the bed.

“Hey don't knock it till you try it! Brownies are the best with milk, okay?” He pauses and regards  Seungmin carefully before offering the treats. “But hey, are you really okay with this? You don't have to if you don't want to. I realized that I must have seemed like I was peer pressuring you earlier and that's not cool.”

“No, no. It's fine!” Seungmin assures him. “It really was an issue with the smoking part of it,” he swears. Admittedly, he is quite wary, but he's also legitimately curious. Besides, he figures that wariness is valid for any new experience.

Seungmin doesn't know what he expects, but the first bite of the brownie is heavenly. The chocolate is delicious, almost melts in his mouth, and the treat is just the right amount of moist. It doesn't taste like anything he thought weed would taste like, but what does his straight-laced ass really know? Back in high school, he was as straight edge as one could get, especially when he was still playing baseball and actively chasing after a possible professional career in the sport. He started drinking socially in college, but not much else beyond that.

Changbin puts on music and opens his brand new laptop–a quick glance tells Seungmin that he's still setting his new machine up and he takes that as his cue to start reading the paper on Confucianism that Changbin had written and shared with him.

He gets really into it; Changbin is an eloquent writer as he is a speaker and a lyricist. His metaphors and analogies are on point and precise, and he even manages to get a joke in here and there, even while still sounding academic. All the while he keeps chomping and chewing on brownies, each bite bigger than the last.

“Hey,” Changbin calls out, just as Seungmin is nearing the end of his paper. He sounds amused. “Careful there. Those can hit really hard after a while.”

“Hmm?” Seungmin looks up; he feels a little lightheaded, but he doesn't think much of it. “This paper is really good,” he murmurs. “I get why you got full marks for it.”

“Thanks,” Changbin says. He chuckles as he carefully takes the now half-empty plate of brownies away from Seungmin's reach.

“Hey!” Seungmin  pouts and Changbin snickers. 

“You're going to thank me later,” Changbin  assures him.

He keeps pouting anyway. “They're really good.”

“I'll make sure to let Minho know.”

Seungmin huffs; he leans back against the edge of the bed and allows himself to slowly slump and slink down on the floor. He feels incredibly at ease, but his thoughts are a little clouded. He keeps thinking about the scenes from the Mulan movie that Changbin had mentioned in his paper.

“I think I know what I'm gonna write about,” he suddenly announces.

“Yeah?” Changbin pushes down the lid of his laptop and turns his full attention to Seungmin. “What?”

“Mulan,” he says, so solemn and serious, only to punctuate it with a fit of giggles.

Changbin snorts. “I think that one's taken, sorry.”

“Awww, but it's a good idea!”

“I know,” Changbin humors him.

Seungmin sighs and closes his eyes, trying to let go of Mulan for now. Several beats pass again before,

“Confucianism and its effect on the differences in  dating reality TV in the west and the east!” he declares, eyes opening wide. Only Jisung knows how much Netflix reality TV Seungmin actually consumes. Those stupid shows are Seungmin's guilty pleasure and just the last weekend he had finished watching Love is Blind—US and Japan back to back—which is probably where he's pulling his idea from.

Changbin laughs. “Oh yeah? What's its effect then?”

Seungmin shrugs. “Buncha stuff,” he mutters. “I‘ll figure it out when I have to. But it's good, right?!”

“Sure.” Changbin snickers; he takes a gulp of his milk and when he puts down the glass again, he has a milk mustache that Seungmin really wants to lick off. He sits on his hands, just in case; he's realizing that he's not exactly very in control of himself at the moment.

“How do you feel there?'' Changbin asks; Seungmin thinks he sounds closer than he feels. 

“Good.” Seungmin giggles, which in turn also makes Changbin laugh, their shoulders brushing against each other in the process.

“I think the high has hit,” Changbin muses. “You, especially.”

“Has it?” Seungmin hums. “I feel really light. You know. The opposite of heavy.”

“I can tell.” Changbin snorts; twirls his phone in his hand. “Thanks for the vocabulary lesson.” A beat passes, then, “You wanna hear some of my songs? We can decide what genre we wanna go with for our project.”

Seungmin immediately sits up straight. “Yes!” he agrees a bit too enthusiastically.

Changbin fumbles with his phone and a few seconds later a quite somber melody starts blasting out of the bluetooth speakers on the desk.

“Dude!” Seungmin suddenly yells after listening to around a minute of the song. “Why's this depressing?!"

Changbin laughs again. “Why are you yelling?”

“I'm not!” Seungmin argues; but then he hears himself and he realizes belatedly that he might have yelled that last bit. “I'm not,” he repeats, a whisper this time. “But this song…”

The song ‘Ex,’ which he was recently just listening to, is what's playing, and Seungmin finds himself humming along, even mouthing some of the lyrics.

“This is sad,” he exhales, just as it gets to the bridge.

“You know it.” Changbin is looking at him, with a hint of awe in his eyes or maybe his gaze is just clouded because he's had some of those brownies himself. “Amazing.”

They both trail off to silence and when the song reaches its peak, Seungmin finds his breath hitching. His emotions are definitely amplified more than usual, if the tears welling up in his eyes are any indication.

And then the next track plays, Changbin's low, gravelly tone singing from the first beat,

Sorry that I like you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Seungmin exhales shakily. “This one I don't know,” he admits, softly. “But it already sounds just as sad.”

Changbin chuckles. “Yeah, this isn't on SoundCloud yet,” he murmurs. 

“Changbin,” Seungmin calls to him as the verse lyrics vaguely register with him; the sadness feels like it's too much and he needs a distraction. “These songs are… let's listen to something else.” He tries to reach for Changbin's phone but the latter, surprised, laughs as he automatically holds it away.

“What are you doing!”

“Surely you have songs that are more fun. Like. Play that one called ‘WOW’ or something.”

Changbin cracks up. “You even listened to that?!”

Seungmin nods; mentally he hopes that wasn't some kind of pick up song also dedicated to Hyunjin. 

“Fine.” Changbin giggles, so uncharacteristic yet so cute, and he fumbles with his phone. Soon, the groovy beats of the intro to WOW is blasting out of Changbin's bluetooth speakers and Seungmin's head is bobbing along to it.

“Come on!” He tries to grab Changbin's phone again.

“Wha—what now?” Changbin looks confused, but with easy laughter he hands over his phone this time.

“We should take pictures.” Seungmin announces; he's feeling looser, and a lot bolder.

“What for?”

“To post! On social media!” He rolls his eyes as if that's the most obvious thing. He keeps swiping on the screen of Changbin's phone, to no avail because he doesn't have the passcode.

With an amused shake of his head, Changbin reaches over and swiftly unlocks it through fingerprint recognition. Seungmin lights up and navigates to the camera app.

“I rarely post on social media,” Changbin shares. 

“I know,” Seungmin mutters. “Well now we can take something for you to post.”

“I'm very bad at taking pics,” Changbin admits, laughing even as he tries to pose next to Seungmin who is expertly holding his phone in front of them at an angle. “Especially selfies.”

“Lucky for you I'm an expert.” Seungmin. grins. He feels warm when he leans closer to Changbin so they can both fit within the portrait frame. “You just have to find your best angle.”

“And how do I do that?”

“Through practice. Duh.” Seungmin clicks his tongue, like Changbin should have already known. 

“You're snappy today aren't you?” Changbin teases.

Seungmin pauses. Is he? “Am I?” he wonders aloud. “Must be the weed,” he concludes, partially serious but not sounding much like it because he gets Changbin to laugh at the comment.

“Come on, let's take that picture,” Changbin says, pulling Seungmin even closer.

And when Seungmin poses, head tilted in a very practiced angle while holding up a peace sign, Changbin copies exactly what he does. It makes him giggle as he expertly takes a succession of photos one after another.

Seungmin beams, wide, all teeth on display—something he hasn't been doing as much ever since he got Invisalign braces almost a year ago during term break. They’re supposed to be invisible for the most part, but they still make Seungmin feel a little self-conscious. Not today, though. It's probably the weed, but he thinks it's partly because it's simply easy to smile when around Changbin.

“At least one of these is sure to be usable,” he declares after they're done taking pictures. “Now open your insta,” he says as he shoves the phone back into Changbin's hands.

“You're extra bossy while high, aren't you?” Changbin retorts, but he does open the app—logged out due to infrequent use. He enters his login details and then hands the device back to Seungmin. “Please follow yourself first.”

“And you're extra polite when you're high?” Seungmin snickers, but he does navigate to his user profile, his smile widening when he presses the follow button from Changbin's account. “Now—what should we caption our picture with?” he wonders out loud as he chooses which group of selfies to include in the post.

Changbin shrugs. “Up to you.”

Seungmin holds back from giggling; draws up the emoji keyboard and posts three hearts, red, blue, green—and before he could change his mind about any of it, he clicks the post button. “There!” he tosses Changbin's phone back at him, giddiness buzzing through him. “Done!”

᯽

hyunegram started following you

When Seungmin wakes up one morning and one of the notifications on his phone screen is of Hyunjin following him on Instagram, his eyes immediately blow wide open and whatever grogginess he feels is instantly gone.

“What the fuck?” he swears out loud, which makes Jisung stir in his bed from across the room, grunting and groaning and rolling around on his mattress before growing quiet again and presumably falling back asleep. “What the fuck,” Seungmin repeats, this time as a hushed whisper.

All things considered though, maybe he shouldn't be so surprised or affronted. The last couple of weeks have seen him and Changbin posting more and more pictures together, often tagging each other in their own accounts. Apparently it's a very big deal for Changbin to be that active on SNS—two whopping updates in a single week!—because all his friends comment as much under his posts.

The two of them have been spending a lot of time together; at first under the guise of studying, and not just for Music Theory or Eastern Philosophy, either. For some reason, Changbin keeps asking him if he wants to study at The Grind, and Seungmin finds himself agreeing every time. 

To be fair, they do study. Changbin is surprisingly productive to be around even when they don't get high; or even when they're not revising the same or even similar subjects. Seungmin thinks that maybe it's because Changbin is a year older and has taken more classes, because every so often, he has something smart or interesting to contribute to whatever it is that Seungmin is working on. More than that, he's there as a good distraction for when Seungmin needs to take a break; for when he needs to pause and take a breath. Seungmin isn't very good at pacing himself when he's studying, so it's very welcome that Changbin is ready and willing to set the mood with silly jokes and funny stories.

Seungmin likes to think they've come to be genuine friends; for one, the way he now doesn't shy away from reprimanding Changbin every single time he's late to meet with him should be a sign that Seungmin isn't easily swayed by his little crush anymore. Changbin is more real now, a person that he's getting to know better and it's been really nice.

They also take a lot of pictures—it's always been a habit for Seungmin who has a minor interest in photography, but Changbin is slowly getting more and more gung ho about selfies of the two of them together.

“We're supposed to be dating,” Changbin himself even points out one time, his tone and demeanor playful. “We might as well post a lot together.”

So they do just that. Every time they're together, Changbin posts on SNS, and more often than not Seungmin notices that Hyunjin specifically likes the ones that feature him in it—which is why it shouldn't be a surprise when Hyunjin finally follows his Instagram account as well.

Yet Seungmin is surprised; rather, he doesn't know how to feel. Admittedly, after the time Hyunjin liked the first picture Changbin had posted of the two of them, Seungmin had gone through Hyunjin's account. He had marveled at the aesthetic spread on display, and he had scrolled until he reached the part in the photo timeline when Hyunjin was clearly still with Changbin. He was surprised that he had kept pictures with Changbin up, but all the more reason his feed became a rabbit hole that Seungmin kept burrowing deeper into.

“Fuck,” he whispers shakily.

“Dude,” Jisung grumbles from across the room, apparently awake all along. “The fuck is up? I can feel your frustration coming off in waves, reaching all the way to this side of the room.”

Seungmin frowns. Between him and Jisung, the latter has always been the more open one; that was fine because Seungmin likes listening more than sharing. His first instinct is to tell Jisung not to mind him and to go back to sleep, but then he takes a deep breath, and he realizes that he needs— deserves, even—an outlet too.

“Hyunjin followed me on IG,” he shares.

“Oh.” Jisung pauses. “And that's a bad thing?”

“I don't know,” Seungmin admits.

“Hmm.” Sheets rustle and when Seungmin glances Jisung's way, he sees that the latter has sat up on his bed. “Do you feel like it's a bad thing?”

“Not exactly.” Seungmin chews on his bottom lip. “Just weird. Because—you know .”

“Because he thinks you and Changbin are dating.”

“Yeah.” Seungmin sighs. ”Would you follow your ex's new S/O on social media?”

Jisung laughs. “No way! I'd probably stalk their page but no way will I follow. That said—maybe it's an accidental follow?”

“Yeah. Maybe,” Seungmin muses.

“Or maybe not,” Jisung continues. “I did notice that he's been liking all of your and Changbin's pretend couple pics.”

Pretend, Seungmin repeats in his head because it's a reminder that that's what they're doing. The pictures that they post on social media, despite how regular they've become, are all a part of the act, he reiterates to himself.

“Do you think that means he's—I dunno. Marking his territory?”

“Damn. Maybe.” Jisung looks pensive for a brief moment before he laughs again. “I'd be that petty, I think.”

“He doesn't seem to be the type though?” Seungmin decides to give Hyunjin the benefit of doubt; he did seem genuinely nice during the few times they have interacted.

“Doesn't he?” Jisung shrugs. “We don't really know him well. I can ask Minho if you want?”

“Don't—” Seungmin hisses, feeling his cheeks heat up. The last thing he needs is Jisung's pseudo boyfriend thinking he cares much about this.

He watches as Jisung unlocks his phone and tinkers with it. “Hey, have you noticed?” He looks up at Seungmin. “That Felix guy hasn't been on most of his recent posts.”

“Huh?” Seungmin looks down at his phone again. Most of Hyunjin's newer posts are aesthetic ones—pictures of food and scenery, even some taken at what seems to be an art gallery—along with a few selfies. Not much of his new boyfriend, just like Jisung pointed out. “Huh.”

Jisung makes a clicking sound with his tongue. “Hey—I'm asking again, what's the endgame with you and Changbin?”

Seungmin shrugs. “It was to get him and Hyunjin to be friends again and I guess maybe that's working if he's willingly and openly engaging with Changbin's posts now.” He doesn't actually know if they've talked beyond that; he's not sure if he wants to know.

“What if Hyunjin wants to be more than that again?”

“Huh?” Seungmin is starting to feel like his vocabulary has suddenly deteriorated, all words replaced with a stupid ‘huh.’

“Just saying.” Jisung sounds matter-of-fact, but he's looking at Seungmin with a hint of worried curiosity. “What if he realized what he was missing after seeing you and Changbin all over Instagram?”

Seungmin winces. He feels something unpleasant rising in his chest, something akin to bile. “I don't know. I guess that's good for Changbin, isn't it?”

“Is it?” Jisung purses his lips. “You think he still wants Hyunjin?”

That gives Seungmin pause. Clearly Changbin still cares about Hyunjin a great amount; he doesn't know if that equates to pining—and his music gives an ambiguous answer. Seungmin decides he doesn't want to think too much about it; he shrugs.

“Hmm, is it good for you?” Jisung follows up.

“Why wouldn't it be?” Seungmin snaps.

“Just asking.” Jisung shrugs, clearly unaffected by Seungmin's sudden sharpness. “Anyway, you're going tonight, right?”

“Tonight?” Seungmin has no idea what Jisung is talking about but he eagerly welcomes the switch in topic.

“It's open mic night at The Grind.”

“Oh—” Seungmin vaguely remembers this now. “Oh yeah!” Changbin had told him about that; had mentioned signing up to perform. “I guess. Are you?”

“Yeah. Wanna ride with me and Minho?

“Are you two gonna be gross and all over each other?” Seungmin wrinkles his nose.

Jisung looks at him pointedly. “He's going to be driving, and Minho is a very conscientious driver.”

Seungmin chuckles at the non-answer. “Yeah, okay,” he accepts the offer anyway, but then he pauses, realizing something. “Do you think Hyunjin will be there?”

Jisung shrugs. “How would I know? Maybe Minho does—”

“Don't ask,” Seungmin immediately interjects. “I was just wondering. Maybe he'll be there with his boyfriend—if they're still boyfriends.”

He feels his roommate's eyes trained on him, watching him carefully. ”Do you care?” 

“Huh?” Seungmin consciously holds back from wincing after the ‘huh’ thoughtlessly slides off his tongue again.

“Do you care if they're still together or not?” Jisung presses.

“No.” Seungmin groans. “Stop asking me stupid questions, Jisung.”

“Okay, okay.” Jisung chuckles and raises both hands in defeat. “If you say so!”

The first time Seungmin laid eyes on Changbin, he hadn’t really thought much of him. Music History was an optional elective, but Seungmin was very interested in the subject, so he had been quite focused in class and the instructor. 

It was, however, the way that Changbin always seemed to have something to say; something interesting to share with everyone during discussions. He had a curious perspective when it came to music, and the more he spoke up, the more he drew Seungmin’s attention—although admittedly, his tight muscle tees played a part in keeping that attention.

Seungmin thinks that maybe if the first time he had seen Changbin was on stage, performing, his attention would have most certainly been captured from the get go. Because that’s what happens when Changbin takes center stage at The Grind and he starts spitting bars.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, completely entranced that he totally forgets he isn’t watching by himself.

“I know right,” Minho comments from across the table. “Bin’s absolutely hot when he does his thing.”

“Not hotter than me though, right?” Jisung leans across the table, stage whispering.

Minho simply laughs and ruffles his hair; Seungmin can’t even bring himself to be annoyed by their obnoxious flirting. At the moment they might as well not exist because all he cares about is watching Changbin. 

He’s always found that Changbin’s vocal color, low and scratchy, did things to him; made his insides lurch and his skin buzz—but all of that doubles in sensation when hearing and watching him live.

“Fuck,” he thinks, because he has a feeling this is trouble.

And then—

“This second song,” Changbin is announcing, “it’s an old one, and a silly one—and it’s a bit embarrassing, but someone reminded me of its existence, and reminded me of how fun it actually is. This one’s  dedicated to them.”

And then the opening beats of ‘WOW’ begin to play, and Seungmin’s eyes are growing wide as he realizes that Changbin means him. He’s the someone that reminded Changbin of this silly song’s existence, and Changbin is dedicating the song—this ridiculous, flirtatious song—to him.  

No one knows, obviously—not even Minho and Jisung because Changbin didn’t name names, but Seungmin's face now feels really, really hot.

“This fucking song—” Minho is bursting into laughter, while Jisung is letting out loud hoots in cheer.

The two of them continue to laugh and tease Changbin even later, after he gets off stage and they welcome him to their table with an offer of beer. He simply takes the drink, sliding into the free seat in the booth—the one next to Seungmin.

“Great job,” Seungmin compliments him sincerely. He’s pretty sure his face still feels warm, and his heart is still beating rapidly in his chest—more so when Changbin smirks and elbows him,

“Thanks.”

“Can't believe you unearthed ‘WOW’ from the vault,” Minho tells him.

Changbin shrugs. “Got the crowd going, didn’t it?”

“Did that song ever work as a pick-up?” Jisung asks.

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Changbin wiggles his eyebrows teasingly, before he takes a swig from his beer. 

The rest of the night is fun; easy. They watch the other performers that come after Changbin and whisper among each other their opinions. Time passes by easily, and Seungmin barely realizes how late it is when the emcee announces the last performer on the list.

“So. Ummm.” Jisung clears his throat and eyes Seungmin warily. They had talked about this before, sort of—he’d asked if he could have the room to himself for a few hours because he wanted to bring Minho home, and Seungmin agreed because he didn't think they would stay at The Grind for practically the entire night.

He figured he could let Minho and Jisung do their thing for a couple of hours, and he could be back by midnight and all he would have to deal with was a little post-coital afterglow.

Changbin now looks between them, and then at Minho—who Seungmin notices is also eyeballing Changbin, who lets out a snort.

“Hey, Seungmin,” he speaks up. “Wanna come over so these two can fuck each other's brains out at your dorm?”

“Hey!” Jisung huffs, and Seungmin has to laugh because he's completely red in the face.

Minho, on the other hand, is nonplussed as he shrugs. “We'd appreciate the privacy.”

Jisung elbows him, and he laughs.

Seungmin knows he can easily suggest they head to Minho's instead, after all Minho has the privacy of his own room, but then Changbin shakes his head and lets out an exasperated chuckle.

“We can raid Chan's expensive liquor stash,” he tells Seungmin, and whatever counterargument Seungmin was forming in his head falls by the wayside. “I know where he keeps them,” Changbin keeps talking, “and we still have some of Minho's brownies—”

“Hey, I'm saving those!” Minho argues.

“Look, pal, consider it Seungmin's bribe for kicking him out of his own place!”

“Okay, fair enough,” Minho scoffs as if he’s miffed, and yet he agrees easily.

This is how Seungmin finds himself on the floor of Changbin's bedroom, staring at his ceiling, high as a kite for only the second time in his life.

“Seungmin…” Changbin trails off. It's the fifth time he's called to him in the span of the last minute. He has yet to find what he wants to say it seems, because he just keeps repeating his name.

“I know my name is nice and all but…” Seungmin giggles as he lets his sentence trail off as well.

His giggling catches on, and soon he and Changbin are both laughing together. It's only when their combined cackling tapers off that Changbin finally asks a question.

“What did you think of my performance?”

“It was sexy,” Seungmin answers, way too immediate and too honest. His hands cover his face in embarrassment when he realizes what he said.

“Sexy, huh?”

Even without seeing him, Seungmin can hear his smirk, and in his drug-addled state, he wonders how that is even possible.

“It was hot,” he reiterates, brain to mouth filter completely busted.

Changbin laughs, and despite the roughness of it, it tickles Seungmin’s ears. “Thanks. For your information, I chose to perform WOW for you.”

“That song is ultra cringe,” Seungmin says. At least that’s something he can be honest about without feeling embarrassed—not that it stops the butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“But hot,” Changbin counters, clearly unaffected by the biting candor.

Seungmin groans because he can't deny that the dumb song, especially performed live, does certain things to him, least of all the aforementioned butterflies. Just remembering Changbin on stage earlier that evening makes something under his skin buzz and tingle all over again. 

“Changbin,” it's his turn to call the other man’s name.

“Hm?”

“Why are you an economics major when you clearly love doing this—” his breath hitches, “–when you clearly shine when you do music?”

That night, Seungmin realized–It's one thing to hear Changbin talk about music, always so animated and confident about his opinions, but it's another thing entirely to watch him do music. To embody music, and performance; to completely be in his element.

“Ah.” Changbin’s answer is so clipped; so abruptly punctuated that Seungmin immediately shoots a glance his way. “Because it's scary,” he eventually answers, his words coated with so much truth. “I love music but it won’t necessarily put food on the table. My family is very supportive of whatever I want to do, but I figure I need to be stable and find my footing in life first, you know?” He shrugs. “I’m pretty good with numbers too, so I thought I’d get a viable degree and I could still do my music on the side.”

Seungmin hums. The change in the atmosphere, the sudden solemnity of the air around them feels quite sobering. “And how's that working out for you?”

“Hard at times, but I think I’m doing quite well, no?” He chuckles. “How about you? Why are you taking so many music electives, Seungmin Sky Kim?”

The use of his full passport name makes Seungmin cringe but ultimately what gets to him is the way Changbin asks the question with audible expectation; like he knows there's a story to be told there. The silence—pregnant and deafening — that Seungmin initially answers with is probably telling.

“Seungmin?” he calls his name again, and the way he says it is soft, yet piercing somehow.

He inhales deeply; he's coming down from his high a little but his tongue is still loose.

“I was an athlete in high school,” he begins to explain.

“Eh?”

“Mhm. Baseball,” Seungmin continues. “I was super focused, too. MLB was the dream–the goal since I was like—8? 9? and playing in the peewees.” He chuckles. “For most of high school my only aim was to get into a division one college baseball team. And then in my junior year I got injured. Not even during a game—I went on holiday with my family and I got into an accident. It’s too long a story to get into detail, but basically I broke a fall with my shoulder, and initially it didn’t feel that bad, which is why I didn’t complain about it. Perseverance and working through pain was drilled into me at an early age. By the time we got a doctor to look at it, I was told that I tore my rotator cuff, and because I kept acting like it was no big deal, I made it ten times worse than it initially was. It was…” he winces; admitting to his own mistakes has always been pretty hard for him, “It was just really bad.”

“Oh. Seungmin…” Changbin frowns, and the pitying expression he’s wearing is something that Seungmin has always hated when directed at him. It’s one of the many reasons why he hates sharing this story.

He shrugs, wanting to seem nonchalant. “Yeah. Just like that my baseball career was over.”

“What about physical therapy?” Changbin asks.

“I mean.” Seungmin exhales. He feels heady and quite frustrated but he can’t stop talking. Maybe because it’s Changbin, and despite the annoying pity, he wants Changbin to understand him. “It wasn't like I couldn’t ever play baseball anymore, but I ruined my throwing arm—no college team worth a lick was gonna have me. Playing at a professional level just—it didn’t feel reachable anymore.” Sometimes when he allows himself, Seungmin wonders if he really quit because he was a coward. He was young, after all, and he could have gone and looked for more possibilities after he healed properly, but instead he gave up so quickly. “I obviously wasn't going to play in my final year of high school,” he excuses, like he has been doing for the last several years, “so—I pivoted. My Dad's a lawyer so that's what my new goal was.”

Changbin frowns. “Wait, what's that got to do with music?”

Seungmin closes his eyes. Right, that’s how they got started on this topic to begin with. “Well—” he sighs; winces a little because he feels completely sober now. He wonders if this batch of brownies is maybe just generally less potent than the last one he had with Changbin. “Music helped me a lot after I lost baseball. I won’t go as far as to say it saved me but… yeah it saved me.” He laughs, embarrassed. “I like to sing, and I also started writing, secretly. Just lyrics here and there. But—”

“But?”

“Like you said, music isn’t going to put food on the table,” Seungmin lays out rationally. “I can't pursue a career in a field that's so… tenuous. I already lost baseball, I couldn’t handle having to deal with something like that again. I didn’t want my heart broken again.”

He pauses because his chest feels tight, and then he feels Changbin’s fingers brushing against his, like he's trying to hold hands. He allows their fingers to tangle together, and the simple action gives him enough energy to continue,

“The law is something that's sure. Concrete. Absolute. It makes me feel like I’ll be fine because I’m standing on even ground.” He shrugs. “But music electives… those are for me. For my soul, or whatever. To keep me sane, or something like that.”

“So we're in the same boat then,” Changbin comments.

“No way.” Seunngmin vehemently denies, embarrassed laughter escaping him. “You're so great at it. I just dabble for fun, but If you tried for real, I think you'll definitely succeed in the music industry.”

Changbin laughs. “Don’t be like that. Neither of us know unless we actually try.”

Seungmin makes inaudible noises; he wants to argue but words are finally being difficult.

“You know what?” Changbin sounds like he has newfound determination.

“What?”

“We're gonna ace that music theory composition project,” he declares.

Seungmin chuckles; he realizes that Changbin makes him want to believe. “If you say so.”

“I do,” Changbin reiterates, and Seungmin only hums in response. His eyelids are starting to feel heavy, but he doesn’t want to succumb; doesn’t want to close them yet when Changbin is sporting a small, silly yet confident smirk that keeps his heart thumping giddily.

•••

“I just think that dogs are better companions, is all,” Seungmin says, his tone one part matter-of-fact, two parts cajoling.

Minho gasps, looking quite affronted, as if Seungmin has just insulted his mother and his mother's mother all in one breath. “No offense to dogs, they're fine or whatever, but that's just factually untrue.”

What is factual is that Seungmin doesn't really care one way or the other, but he also sort of enjoys getting Minho's hackles up. He owes himself a bit of that fun considering how often Minho is over at the dorm room he shares with Jisung these days.

Frankly, it isn't even that they're noisy or that they obnoxiously can't keep their hands off each other. If anything, they share whispers at best. Most of the time, they simply sit together on Jisung's bed, huddled close while watching movies or anime on Jisung’s tablet, and sharing Minho’s wireless earbuds, one bud for each of them. Sometimes they don't even do an activity together, they just get busy on their own phones, giggling every so often when they share something they deem interesting with each other. But that's exactly it; despite the perceived lack of intimacy, they always seem to be surrounded by an invisible barrier, one that separates them from the rest of the world—the rest of the room at least—so even when they don't actively try, Seungmin always feels like a damn third wheel anyway, a fucking intruder in his own dorm room.

It's annoying as hell but at the same time—and Seungmin would never admit this out loud—it's adorable. Admirable, too. He's happy for Jisung, and deep down he wishes he could have something so simple, yet so sweet and tender for himself.

So—he picks fights with Minho whenever he can, and Jisung always watches with amusement.

“I said what I said.” Seungmin shrugs, and Minho narrows his eyes at him.

“Ah, well.” Minho huffs eventually and his shoulders visibly relax. “There just really is no accounting for taste.”

Seungmin snorts; it's his turn to squint at Minho—that's another thing he's come to learn about his roommate's non-boyfriend. Even when one successfully manages to rile him up it never really lasts for long. Minho is the master of nonchalance, which makes him the master of being annoying.

“Right.” He rolls his eyes; he’s not one to back down—which probably also makes him really annoying in Minho’s eyes. He's pretty sure both of them actively try to be contrarians when it comes to each other. “For example, there's nothing I can do with Jisung's crappy taste in men.”

“Hey!” Jisung interrupts.

Seungmin and Minho’s eyes meet, and instead of feigning upset at the shallow insult clearly thrown his way, Minho ends up laughing with Seungmin. As much as they play at antagonizing each other, they do also have moments when they get along quite effortlessly, mostly when it's time to gang up on Jisung.

“Yeah, it’s true,” Minho turns to Jisung. “Your taste in guys is weird.” Despite his words, his tone is dripping with sticky sweet fondness that makes Seungmin want to fake gag.

“Tch.” Jisung scoffs. “Are you saying you're weird?”

“Everyone says I’m weird,” Minho says simply.

Jisung huffs through his nose. “Okay. Luckily, I like weird.”

Minho grins. He doesn't shy away from swooping in and planting a tender kiss on Jisung’s cheek.

At this, Seungmin has to look away; the envy he feels when the two of them act sweet isn't something he can control.

“Get a room,” he grumbles, picking up his pen and trying to remember which part of his notes he'd been revising before he and Minho started playfully sniping at each other. 

“I pick this one,” Minho returns, grinning and pulling Jisung closer to his side as he gestures around the dorm room.

Without looking at them again, Seungmin flips him the middle finger which is met with Jisung's laughter.

“You know I thought you'd be more agreeable these days,” Minho suddenly comments. “All things considered.”

Seungmin turns to look at the two of them again, lifting an eyebrow. “All things considered?” he echoes.

Minho tilts his head and gives him a knowing look. “Yes. All things between you and Changbin, considered.”

“What does that even mean?” Seungmin frowns, genuinely confused. Inside his chest, his heart skips a beat.

“Don’t shy away Seungmin.” Minho sniggers. “Aren’t things between the two of you going well?”

Seungmin stares at him blankly. “Did Changbin say that?”

“No.” Minho shakes his head. “But I know the guy. you can even say he's… my… best friend.” He makes a silly face, makes a fake retching sound, and Seungmin has to hold back from laughing.  “My point is—I know him. And I can tell that he's been doing great recently. Less doom and gloom, and with more skip and pep to his steps.”

Seungmin snorts. “More skip and… pep?”

“Yep,” Jisung interjects. He even wags his eyebrows at Seungmin and wiggles his fingers. “A lot more pep.”

Minho laughs—again, very fondly—and catches one of Jisung’s hands. “He’s just been in a better mood overall,” he says, fingers intertwining with Jisung’s. “Not joking or exaggerating—he just laughs more these days. It’s hard to explain because he’s Changbin, you know?”

“I know,” Jisung answers uselessly; it gets him a pat on the head from Minho and Seungmin has to bite back his tongue.

“Anyway,” Minho, lucky for Seungmin, decides to continue instead of being completely distracted by Jisung. “Changbin is an extrovert, through and through. He’s always great at setting the mood when there’s a crowd, but when you live with him, you notice the little off moments that happen when no one else is around—and there's been a lot less of that recently. After you guys started hanging out—pretending to date aside.”

Seungmin nods quietly. His face feels warm for some reason that he doesn’t want to dissect at the moment; he can only hope that Minho and Jisung don’t notice—or at least don’t call him out on it.

A few minutes of silence pass, with Seungmin pretending to going to back to reading his notes, and Minho and Jisung going back to whatever they were watching earlier, but Seungmin can only keep up the facade for so long; can only read the same line in his notes too many times before his curiosity gets the better of him.

“Hey, Minho,” he calls out, his voice strained from having to fight his own instinct to speak up.

“Hey, Seungmin,” Minho calls back, him and Jisung looking up at the exact same time.

“Why did Changbin and Hyunjin break up?”

“Oh,” Jisung whispers; he probably thinks the way he elbows Minho is subtle but Seungmin easily catches it.

“Changbin didn’t tell you?”

Seungmin shakes his head. “He said that it was his fault, and that Hyunjin was the one to end things. That’s all, though.”

Minho shrugs. “Well, he didn’t really lie. But—” he shakes his head. “Changbin likes to place everything about that breakup on himself, but relationships take two people to make work—and more often than not, they take two to end.”

“Not exactly true,” Seungmin argues. “It only takes one person to end a relationship. You can’t force one, if the other person is over it.”

Minho looks at him pointedly. “Do you want me to tell you what happened or are you just gonna keep playing contrarian?”

Seungmin huffs. “Fine. Alright.” He gestures with his hand. “Continue, please.”

“Do you know how they got together?” Minho asks.

“I know they got together as far back as high school,” Seungmin answers, throwing Jisung, who supplied him with the information to begin with, a quick glance.

“Yeah. When Changbin and I met, they were already together. He couldn’t shut up about Hyunjin at all.” Minho snorts, as if recalling a related memory. “And, to be fair, he’s the reason that Hyunjin chose to go to university here—so at some point they were clearly mutually obsessed.”

The words, the confirmation of a once rose-colored past between Changbin and Hyunjin, sting—something else he’d need to dissect and understand at a later time, but for now Seungmin tries his best to school his expression.

“Things were mostly fine during Hyunjin’s first semester here,” Minho continues, “and then after term break, they weren’t. I can say this because I eventually became friends with both of them—Hyunjin’s a junior of mine in the dance department—so I got to know him, too. I think college just became a little too much for him, and there came a point when he felt like he needed a bit of space for himself. This was very hard on Changbin, who felt they already had a year’s worth of space between them, but because he’s Changbin, he wanted to give Hyunjin what he wanted, even if that was… ‘space,’ or whatever he thought that meant.”

Seungmin tilts his head; takes a second to try and process the story. “So… that’s it? Hyunjin wanted space so they broke up?”

Minho snorts. “If only it were that simple, huh? To add to all that, there was a girl—”

“Wait, what?” Jisung interrupts, clearly as surprised as Seungmin feels, who is silently grateful that his roommate beat him to reacting. 

“Calm down.” Minho snorts, patting Jisung on the head. “She was someone Changbin met at one of his classes. He didn’t cheat on Hyunjin, but they did get very close during the time when he was giving Hyunjin his much needed ‘space.’ I guess you can say that he got a bit mixed up about his own feelings, so when Hyunjin decided to end things, Changbin felt like it was his fault—because his heart strayed, even if it didn’t, not really, and because he felt like he should have held onto Hyunjin tightly, instead of letting him go.”

Seungmin bites his bottom lip; he remembers the lyrics to the song ‘Ex,’ and wonders if the song is from that time in Changbin’s life. He wonders if his role in Changbin’s life is similar to this nameless girl who only confused Changbin. He wonders if, ultimately, Changbin’s feelings for Hyunjin are still there, dormant, and just waiting to be brought back to the surface.

“You know what I think?”

Seungmin doesn’t answer, but he looks at Minho, expectant.

“I think they broke up because their goals and priorities diverged. Hyunjin got to college and realized he wanted to prioritize himself, instead of defining himself based on a relationship he’s had since high school.”

Seungmin lifts an eyebrow. “And then he got himself a new boyfriend?”

Minho snorts. “Well… I guess he found himself inside Felix.” He wags his eyebrows suggestively.

Next to him, Jisung sputters out laughter, soon enough wheezing breathlessly like Minho just cracked the funniest joke on the planet.

Seungmin sighs and stares at them blankly; he bites the inside of his cheek because he kind of wants to laugh because he lowkey finds the stupid joke funny, but at the same time he wants them to think he isn’t amused.

“Okay, in all seriousness, I think Hyunjin is generally just trying to have fun right now—in a way, figuring out who he is, who he wants to be, involves being with different people, no?” Minho shrugs. 

“You make it sound like his plan is to eventually get back to Changbin after he’s done soul searching.”

Minho hums. “I don’t know, things may very well happen like that, but I don’t think that’s what his plans are. I’m pretty sure Hyunjin and Changbin continue to mutually hold each other in high regard, but I truly don’t believe either of them are in love with the other at this point. Of course, I’m not either of them, and I’m really just on the outside, looking in.” He gives Seungmin a knowing stare. “Still—I don’t think you should worry about Hyunjin. “

Seungmin scoffs. “Who says I’m worried about Hyunjin?!”

Minho snorts. “That look on your face,” he answers simply. “It says everything.”

•••

The studio hums with an exciting air of creativity; Changbin and Seungmin stand opposite each other, surrounded by recording equipment. Apparently Chris, as someone who is pretty well-known and well-liked in the Music Production department, has easy access to the university’s recording studios and has granted Changbin ample time to use it for his project with Seungmin. End of term is still a little less than a month away, so they have time left, but Changbin alleged that the studios would probably be fully booked by music majors cramming if they wait longer, and frankly Seungmin enjoys getting things done as soon as possible anyway. 

“Chris made me promise I’d watch you like a hawk in case you break anything, though,” Changbin had commented; his tone made it clear that he was teasing, and Seungmin easily gave the energy back.

“I’m sure he was talking about you,” he had replied, and Changbin had simply laughed, as if glad that Seungmin got his humor.

A week ago, Changbin sent him an instrumental track and asked him what he thought of it. He’d also sent a few suggested lines for lyrics— nothing concrete, Changbin told him, juz playn w words. Seungmin hadn't been sure how to answer directly, so instead he got to writing as well—words that turned into poetry, lyrics that he felt suited the melody, and answered to the words Changbin shared himself.

Frankly, the instrumental isn’t anything technically unique or special; it consists of four chords that are repeated over and over, a progression that even Seungmin's amateur ears can tell is quite common—but there is something about the way Changbin put everything together that makes the song feel dynamic; atmospheric. The fourth chord at first seems to offer a hopeful feeling, somewhat like it’s alleging a feeling of not being done yet—and then another four chords later, it gives a similar yet different vibe; this time, like the song is saying, ‘you thought it was over, but we just keep going on.’

Jisung had come home in the middle of Seungmin writing while listening to the still wordless song, and his interest was immediately piqued. “What’s this?” he had asked, and Seungmin bashfully admitted that it was the project he was working on with Changbin.

“Oooooh,” Jisung had cooed, bracing as if to tease, which Seungmin had quickly put a stop to with a simple roll of his eyes. “It sounds good, though. Changbin put it together?”

Seungmin nodded. “I’m kind of trying to write lyrics for it.”

Jisung’s eyes widened with obvious interest, and Seungmin could tell that he wanted to stick his nose into the process, but was also trying to respect his boundaries which Seungmin appreciated. Nevertheless, he did trust Jisung’s opinions, especially since he was a music production major himself.

“You wanna see?”

Jisung lit up as he nodded excitedly, and Seungmin, despite his apprehension, handed his notebook for Jisung to peruse.

“This…” Jisung looked at him with even more curiosity after his eyes skimmed over Seungmin’s written words. “It reads like half of a conversation,” he murmured, which Seungmin wasn't sure he understood at the time. “But also,” Jisung continued, “who, or what are you thinking of with these lyrics?”

Seungmin shrugged; he trusted Jisung, but he didn’t really want to delve into it with him. “I was inspired by the melody, is all,” was his curt explanation. Jisung didn’t seem convinced, but once again, typical of their dynamic, he chose not to push. 

After that, with Jisung's tentative approval, he sent what he had to Changbin, who sent back a thumb up emoji before taking days to get back to him with notes and comments, and lines he added himself.

That was when Seungmin finally understood what Jisung was saying about a conversation; the parts that Changbin wrote seemed to be trying to reach the words that came from Seungmin. In a way their parts flowed well together, but in a melancholic way—like they’re trying to comfort each other but they can’t reach the other.

In a strange way, it all made Seungmin feel both seen and heard by Changbin.

As Changbin's fingers now across the keys of the synthesizer, brows furrowed in concentration as he fine-tunes the electronic beats that form the backbone of their song, Seungmin simply looks at him from inside the recording booth,  his voice rising and falling in perfect harmony with the music as he records his parts.

"Okay, let's take it from the second verse," Changbin says, his voice cutting through the quiet hum of the studio.

Seungmin nods, adjusting the microphone in front of him. With a deep breath, he launches into the aforementioned verse, his voice intertwining— volleying— effortlessly with Changbin’s already recorded parts, carrying the weight of the emotions they poured into their respective lyrics.

I pretend that everything's fine
And stand before you again
For as long as you exist, yeah
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay to hurt a little
Embrace it, embrace it, endure with hope

A thought comes to Seungmin—he has listened to so many of Changbin’s songs before but this is the first time that he’s heard him so raw. The vulnerability isn’t completely new; it’s something Seungmin has heard in his songs before, but this song feels like him screaming in the void hoping to be heard, and it’s up to Seungmin to reach out; to give him a response.

As they sing, their connection becomes more palpable, each note, each line resonating with shared experiences and unspoken understandings. Changbin's eyes flicker with intensity, his passion driving the rhythm forward, while Seungmin's voice soars with a raw vulnerability that easily pulls at one’s heartstrings.

In the small studio, the song comes alive, a testament to their collaboration and creativity. Seungmin feeds off the energy coming from Changbin’s recording, their voices rising and falling in perfect harmony, weaving a tapestry of sound that echoes with emotion and authenticity.

As the final notes fade into silence, there’s a moment of stillness in the studio, a shared breath between the two of them. 

"That was it," Changbin says, a slight smirk forming on his mouth. His voice is filled with satisfaction when he adds, "We got it."

Seungmin nods, his eyes shining with pride as a smile forms on his own lips. He feels pride coating his chest, and he’s almost breathless when he responds, "Yeah, we did."

A beat—two, three—passes, Seungmin and Changbin just looking at each other as they allow the mutual satisfaction, pride and accomplishment to settle. 

“Can we listen to it in full?” Seungmin suggests, eventually breaking the tense silence.

“Oh, yeah, okay,” Changbin is quick to answer, and Seungmin is practically stumbling out of the recording booth so they can together listen with what they have so far.

The recording is a bit raw, clearly in need of more fine tuning, but it was obvious to Seungmin, that the creation was something special—something that was theirs.

Don't leave me anymore, no, no, no
Don't fade away, don't go away
Please keep it by your side

He wonders who Changbin is thinking of when the words come out of the speaker; then again— it's okay to hurt a little, endure with hope; and Seungmin looks back to their conversation about their dreams that passed them by; about enduring through their respective hardships, and keeping it all together for the sake of themselves, and he hopes that maybe for Changbin, it isn’t about a specific person either. That maybe this song is truly theirs and their faded dreams.

“There's this place,” Changbin explains. “It's a cafe overlooking the beach. I went there with Minho, Chris and Jisung once.”

“Oh?”

“Well, to be honest it was really me and Chris crashing Minho's date with Jisung—” Changbin sniggers, and Seungmin gets the feeling there's a story behind it. Maybe he'll ask later. “Surprisingly, Minho has a lot of knowledge about all the hip places, especially cafes and restaurants. Anyway, we got there just in time for sunset, and the view was great.”

“Ah.” Seungmin nods slowly. “And that’s where we’re headed?” After they finished recording, as he was gathering his things and getting ready to go, Changbin had suddenly asked if he was free for the rest of the day, and if he wanted to spend it together; to celebrate finishing the song they just recorded, was his explanation.

Yes, was the immediate answer Seungmin wanted to give, but he had enough pride to pause for a moment; to play coy and take a minute to supposedly think about it before agreeing. Not that he even asked where it is that Changbin wanted to go, or what it is that Changbin wanted to do.

“Yeah?” Changbin gives him a quick sideways glance, which makes Seungmin notice the sheepish, almost shy smile that he’s sporting.

“Is the coffee any good?” he asks. “At the cafe?” It’s a  bit of a dumb question; at least a pointless one, but it’s the only one that comes to mind because he’s completely distracted by the feeling of wanting to reach out and poke the corner of Changbin’s lips. A strange compulsion, but one strong enough that  Seungmin has to actively and consciously dampen it.

“You know I’m not really much of a coffee person,” Changbin comments, and true enough, it is something Seungmin knows; he’s learned a lot of trivial things about Changbin over the last couple of months, frankly. He finds he doesn’t hate it. “The coffee passed Jisung and Minho’s standards, though, and you also know that they’re much more discerning when it comes to caffeine.”

Seungmin chuckles. “I guess that means the coffee is palatable enough, then.”

Changbin wrinkles his nose. “I don’t really get how y’all can drink so much of it. If it’s just about getting energized, that’s what Red Bull is for.”

“You do realize that Red Bull also has caffeine, right?” 

“And yet it tastes better,” Changbin declares.

Seungmin scoffs; it’s his turn to make a funny face and when Changbin laughs, he gives him a halfhearted punch on the arm. “Look at the road you idiot!”

“But I like looking at you better,” Changbin teases.

Seungmin makes soft sputtering noises, feeling absolutely flustered. “And I like not dying in a car crash better,” he manages to shoot back, and even though Changbin decidedly looks back at the road as he drives, the smug fondness in his expression remains.

Pop radio takes over the drive for a while, with Seungmin and Changbin both humming along to TOP 40 songs as the sun very slowly makes its descent over the horizon.

“I don’t think we’re gonna catch the sunset,” Seungmin comments, glancing outside, only to realize that Changbin is making a casual turn to a vast beachside parking lot.

“Except we’re here,” Changbin points out with a chuckle, eyes on the lookout for somewhere free to park.

It isn’t too crowded, probably because it’s the middle of the week, and it doesn't take long before Changbin is able to park his car, and the two of them are getting off and heading up to the cafe. Sandy Brews Bistro, the sign above the door reads. 

There are more people inside than the parking area would make one believe, but they’re lucky because one of the al fresco balcony patrons are just leaving, and Changbin is able to ask one of the servers to lead them to the space immediately.

As they take their seats at the table, Seungmin can’t help but appreciate everything, from the hyped up sunset view, to the pleasant salty-sweet taste of the sea air.

“Minho was the one to discover this place?” Seungmin asks, a smidgen of surprise hinted in his tone. Just as Changbin alleged, the balcony is a very good vantage point for witnessing a sunset unfold. They arrived just in time, too, the sky’s canvas painted in a mix of warm and vibrant colors; hues of oranges, pinks and purples blending together. Wisps of clouds appear to catch fire, ablaze with the last light of the day, casting dramatic shadows across the sky as the sun bids farewell for the day.

“Sky looks really pretty,” Changbin comments, and when Seungmin looks over, he finds that the latter’s gaze is fixed on him. It’s corny, a flirty play on his name, but it makes heat creep up his face; nevertheless he manages to force a scowl, which Changbin matches with a smirk. “Pictures last longer,” Changbin adds, after his eyes travel back to the beautiful scene nature has laid out in front of them. 

“Nope,” Seungmin answers, following suit and placing his attention back towards the horizon even as the sun fully sets. “Memories do.”

“Not if you get early onset dementia,” Changbin says, and Seungmin can’t help the laughter that escapes him.

“Morbid.”

“Minho told me that once,” Changbin admits.

Seungmin huffs. “Of course he did.” He picks up the menu that the waiter had left at their table, just as Changbin picks up a glass of iced water to drink from. “We should order.”

They call the waiter over, and the two of them get dishes to share—Seungmin allows Changbin to choose, laughing because by now he’s aware that the other man can be a bit of a picky eater. He would mind, except he doesn’t—Changbin has that effect on him. It used to be unnerving, but now he’s just used to it.

Dinner conversation comes easy; Seungmin talks about Jisung sleeping through four of his five alarms earlier that day, and Changbin talks about his sister frantically texting him that she thinks her boyfriend is about to propose to her. They talk about Professor Choi giving Seungmin high marks on his reality TV paper, and Changbin jokes that Seungmin should pay for dinner if only because he helped him score that grade. Seungmin scoffs, but he’s already planning to pay anyway. Seungmin teases Changbin, because the seafood cream pasta he chose has capers in them, and apparently he hates capers—that doesn’t stop him from eating every piece of caper in the dish, though.

“So, how do you feel?” Changbin asks eventually, once they’ve finished dinner.

Seungmin tilts his head, questioning the question. “Full?”

“No, just—” Changbin snorts. “Sorry. I mean—about the song. Our song. I’ll work on it a bit more, polish it a little, but—it’s good as done. How do you feel about it?”

Our song, Seungmin repeats in his head. It sounds nice, when it’s referred to like that. 

“Honestly?”

“Would I ask if I wanted lies?”

Seungmin snorts. “I think it’ll be disappointing if we don’t get full marks. Maybe it’s narcissistic, but I thought we did great.” He thinks Changbin did great, anyway, but he also wants to believe he did just as well.

Changbin laughs; nods as he hums. “I’m glad we paired up,” he says, a simple comment that he doesn’t elaborate on, so Seungmin hopes it’s clear that he feels the same without having to voice it out.

“You wanna go take a walk out there?” Changbin asks, gesturing towards the beach. It’s dark now, but seaside lights illuminate the shore. There are a few people littering the area, but Seungmin thinks they’d be easy to ignore.

Or maybe he just wants to say yes because he doesn’t want the day to end just yet; doesn’t want to go back to his dorm on campus. 

The entire day Seungmin has been following Changbin’s lead, and as the hours ticked by, it had started to feel like something had been building, and maybe he wants to see it through because of that.

Seungmin wonders if it's okay to hope; he looks back, remembering the conversation he had with Minho, and he knows, deep down, that the hope has been in there for a while, ignored for the sake of his own sanity, but existing nevertheless, and more and more it’s getting harder to disregard, so.

“Okay,” he says.

“A couple of summers ago I went to the beach with the guys,” Changbin recounts as they take a stroll on the sand together, just a couple of meters away from the seaside, making sure that the splash of the water every time it met land didn't reach them.

“Minho and Chris?” Seungmin clarifies.

“Um.” Changbin seems to squirm a bit, before  he adds, “Yeah, and Hyunjin, too. That was the summer before his first year in university. I guess before yours, too.”

“Ah.” Seungmin swallows. The hope he’s been nursing carefully spills, just a little. 

“It wasn’t here, it was a beach closer to home,” Changbin explains. “My family owns this vacation home—anyway. Yeah. It was a nice memory.”

“Okay?” Seungmin tries his best not to frown. “Why are you talking about it right now?” He hopes he doesn’t sound uptight, but he doesn’t try too hard to hide the irritation he’s feeling.

“Like I said—” Changbin shrugs. “I remembered it, and it was a nice memory.”

“Ah.” Seungmin presses his lips together.

“Chris’ girlfriend at the time joined for a couple of days and Minho grumbled a lot about fifth wheeling.”

Seungmin snorts; the image is a little funny, but it’s not enough to completely flip the sudden annoyance that’s brewing within him.

“Honestly, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how I handled my relationship with Hyunjin,” Changbin continues, and in that moment Seungmin feels like he’s just been splashed with cold water; the evening breeze suddenly pricks at his skin and it's not helping. 

“What?” he croaks out.

Changbin nods, seemingly oblivious of the whiplash Seungmin is experiencing. They both trail off into silence, just looking ahead into the dark horizon. Under his sneakered feet, Seungmin is abruptly far too aware of the crunch of the sand.

“Seungmin,” Changbin calls out softly, and despite the building discomfort, Seungmin is quick to face him anyway. “Can I kiss you?” he asks, and Seungmin immediately feels his heart drop to his stomach, just to explode.

He’s tongue tied, unable to find the words to decline; this is it, the moment the day has clearly been building up to, but he feels so conflicted.

Nonetheless, just as he has been doing the entire day, he allows himself to be swept away, to follow Changbin’s lead. He moves his head, a very slight nod that Changbin easily catches; quickly takes his cue from.

Changbin’s breath hitches and he smiles; when he reaches for Seungmin, it's in the form of his arm snaking around Seungmin’s waist to pull him closer.

The action does things to Seungmin; Changbin is strong and steady, and when he leans up to press their lips together, the broken pieces of his heart tornado in his gut and anticipation mingles with apprehension in his chest.

The reality of it is that he's been waiting for this moment; he’s been imagining the feel of Changbin's lips against his own, and longing for the connection they might share. But as their lips meet, confused emotions are what sweeps through Seungmin's mind.

On one hand, there's a rush of euphoria, brought on by the sensation of something that he's been yearning for. The kiss is tender yet passionate, sending shivers down Seungmin's spine and leaving him breathless with longing.

Yet, beneath the surface, there's a nagging doubt, a whisper of uncertainty that is hard to shake off. Changbin is clearly still haunted by memories of his ex-boyfriend, and Seungmin doesn’t know what he’s meant to do with this knowledge. Even if he wants to believe that there’s a modicum of genuine affection in this kiss, the odds of it being more of a temporary distraction is what haunts him. The sweetness of the moment is more than tainted with the bitterness of insecurity, and it’s what has Seungmin gathering what’s left of his senses and pulling away.

Changbin stares at him after, clearly trying to determine what Seungmin is feeling; whether he’s reacting well or not.

He tries to smile, but it feels like a wince more than anything more positive.

“I’m cold,” are the only words Seungmin finds he can say. “Let’s go back.”

For a moment, Changbin looks like he wants to say something, and even in that brief second, hope eats away at Seungmin. But then Changbin nods, and once again, all of that hope falls by the wayside.

The next time Seungmin and Changbin meet in class, they sit next to each other, mostly quiet, only making small talk. It’s awkward, but it seems as if Changbin is trying to act normal, so Seungmin mirrors him. There are moments when he looks like he has more to say to Seungmin, but he never pushes through, and Seungmin never tries to get whatever it is out of him. 

Changbin finishes laying their track within the following week, and when Seungmin tries to listen to it, he finds he has no coherent commentary to give so he agrees to submit their final project early. Their professor commended them for it, and just like that, the two of them had no concrete reason to be spending so much time together anymore.

The conversation thread that Seungmin has with Changbin on his phone becomes silent, and every time he’s tempted to check on SpearB’s SoundCloud, he opens his revision notes instead—finals week is just around the corner after all. 

It’s the last Saturday night before exams start that Seungmin runs into Hyunjin, or rather, Hyunjin runs into him.

It’s almost 9PM  and Seungmin is on his way out of the crowded library. It’s always like this when exams are approaching—everyone has all-nighters at the library, and it never feels conducive to actual learning.

“Seungmin!” He hears someone calling to him, and when he turns towards the sound, he sees Hyunjin speed walking towards his direction.

He’s confused, but he nods and waves in acknowledgment; pauses right by the exit of the library to allow the other man to catch up to him.

“I thought I saw you heading out,” Hyunjin comments, just a bit out of breath by the time the two of them are face to face. 

“Yeah, it was getting a bit too crowded inside,” Seungmin comments with a wince.

“I know right,” Hyunjin readily agrees.

“Everyone only remembers that the library exists at the end of term,” Seungmin comments. “There’s a rule on silence, but just the amount of people makes it noisy, like the combined breathing of all the students collectively turn into some kind of buzzing sound. Meanwhile, two weeks into the semester, you can easily hear a pin drop when you’re in there.”

Hyunjin chuckles. “Yeah, I—” he rubs the back of his neck, looking sheepish. When he smiles, he’s so pretty though, and Seungmin thinks he understands what drew Changbin to him in the first place. “I’m one of those students you’re talking about,” he admits. “Came in there to study tonight, but I couldn’t find no free space.”

Seungmin laughs. “Couldn’t find free space, you mean.”

“Huh?”

“You said you couldn’t find ‘no free space’—double negative. Means there was free space.”

“Oh. Uh.” Hyunjin chortles shyly. “Yeah. I guess. What you said.”

Seungmin winces, suddenly feeling awkward. “Oh. Well. I actually left a free cubicle, but it was probably scooped up fast.”

“You had a cubicle and gave it up?” Hyunjin asks, a bit dramatically.

“Like I said. There were too many people. I couldn’t focus.”

“So where are you headed now?” Hyunjin asks, just as the two of them start to walk down the stairs of the library building.

“My dorm, I guess?” When he left earlier that afternoon, Jisung and Minho were there, studying together; he wouldn’t be surprised if they were still there, but he figures they’re at least easier to be around than fifty-percent of the university’s student population.

“You wanna go and get coffee first?” Hyunjin asks, surprising him. “Most nearby cafes are probably full, too, but we should at least get all-nighter fuel.”

Seungmin blinks; he’s utterly confused by the invitation, but also a little intrigued. He surprises himself when he agrees, “Alright.”

“You wanna go to The Grind?” Hyunjin asks, and Seungmin can’t help but recall that first time he and Changbin ran into Hyunjin at that particular coffee shop; the time when they doubled down on their silly fake dating scheme.

He cringes internally. “The coffee cart nearby should still be open,” he suggests alternatively. “They do late hours during finals week,” he explains. 

“Oh, alright.” Seungmin is surprised at how agreeable Hyunjin is; how personable. He wonders if they would have been close friends if they met under different circumstances.

There are a handful of students queuing at the coffee cart, but Seungmin assumes that’s still less than the number of people they would have had to contend with at The Grind. Seungmin orders an iced Americano with an extra shot of espresso that has Hyunjin looking at him in surprise, with his own drink, with two extra shots of sugar syrup, cradled in his hands.

“I’ll pay!” he announces, and hands over a wad of bills to the barista before Seungmin can counter. “I’m the one who asked you,” Hyunjin explains, “and besides, I’m really glad we ran into each other.”

Seungmin, in the middle of taking a sip of his drink, blinks at him with surprise. “Why?” he asks.

Hyunjin shrugs. “I guess because I’m curious about you.”

“Me? Why?” Seungmin snorts; he’s surprised at Hyunjin’s directness.

But then Hyunjin ducks his head, almost looking shy. “You know why.”

“Changbin,” Seungmin states matter-of-factly.

Hyunjin shrugs. “Yeah. He… Changbin seems to be really happy with you.”

Seungmin stares at him, growing quiet as he considers his next words. “We broke up,” he says eventually, direct and succinct.

The reaction he gets is genuine surprise, which catches Seungmin off-guard,

“Wait, really?” Hyunjin frowns. He exhales slowly, looking like he’s thinking deeply, before he continues, “He seemed to be really happy, though.”

Seungmin snorts; this conversation is becoming more and more strange.

Hyunjin’s frown deepens, like he doesn’t understand Seungmin’s reaction. “I mean, I know I’m just an observer from the outside but… well. I know Changbin very well, you know? I know what his happiness looks like.”

At this, Seungmin starts to feel that familiar bitterness coating his heart; his tongue. “Of course you do. You know him so well,” he retorts, his tone sharp.

“I didn’t mean it like—well, however you think I meant it.” Hyunjin shakes his head. “I’m just being factual. I liked seeing him happy with you.”

“I don’t understand why we’re talking about this,” Seungmin grumbles, ready to just bolt and walk out of this interaction that’s becoming more and more uncomfortable by the minute.

“Sorry,” Hyunjin says, and he does look genuinely contrite that it allows Seungmin to breathe just a tad more freely. “Maybe this is hard to believe, but I really do wish for Changbin’s happiness, and he seemed like he had that with you. I’m not trying to play mind games, or anything.” 

“Well, he was happy with you, wasn’t he?” Seungmin snipes. “But you broke up anyway.”

Hyunjin cringes. “Okay, that’s fair, but…”

“But?” 

“Here’s the thing—” Hyunjin pauses; takes a deep breath for effect. “You've been in relationships before, right?” He looks at Seungmin with a certain level of intensity and expectation, and Seungmin feels small for it.

He's forced to face the truth—he's had one boyfriend; he was fifteen and it lasted for all of a month. It was young, innocent puppy love that ended as quickly as it started, partly because of how they both felt like they had to keep the relationship a secret, but mostly because baseball was all Seungmin really had time for back then. He never really tried dating again until university, but they were all fleeting; nothing serious or lasting.

“Um.” He shrugs in response to Hyunjin, not really wanting to elaborate on his lack of experience. 

Lucky for him, Hyunjin seems to have asked rhetorically because he doesn't really wait to hear more from Seungmin.

“Changbin had it in his mind that relationships have to be a certain way,” Hyunjin continues. “That they have to be perfect—but they really don’t. I think we weren’t seeing that when we were still together. We got together in high school, and at the time we thought we fit together in that perfect way, I guess? But then he went off to university, and in that year we were apart, we both grew in different ways, and by the time I followed him here, we didn’t really fit in the same way anymore. But he still had that same image of our relationship, so we didn’t see that immediately. But it became harder and harder to fit that mold.” He shrugs. “I think he blames himself for not trying hard enough, but that really wasn't it.”

“Minho said there was also a girl,” Seungmin mutters, unable to help himself.

Hyunjin snorts. “Changbin beats himself up for that, but it’s not like he acted on—well, on whatever feelings he had for her. Maybe he should have, honestly. After we broke up, anyway.” He grimaces. “Maybe that's why I was kind of invested in seeing you two together.” He smiles, looking a bit wistful, especially with the way the moonlight hits his features. “I feel like he was too guilty about our breakup to act on whatever feelings he had for Mei, so they missed their window. I didn’t wanna see that happen again, so I truly wanted to support the two of you being together.”

Seungmin stares at him. “You’re so invested in his supposed happiness,” he comments, unsure how to feel about that. “Do you still love him?”

“Well—” Hyunjin exhales softly, pensively. “I do have fondness for him, and I’d like to think that’s alright. But I’m really not in love with him anymore. Whatever we had—that’s over and all in the past. Like lightning in a bottle, it's not something we could recreate.” He shrugs. “And again, I mean it—he really did seem happy with you. A lot more content and down to earth—not trying too hard, or forcing anything.”

Seungmin almost wants to laugh; because wasn’t faking a relationship the same thing as forcing something? 

“Anyway,” Hyunjin continues, “I’m sorry things didn’t work out if that’s the case.” He huffs. “And I’m sorry for ambushing you like this and going on an entire monologue.”

Seungmin chuckles softly; Hyunjin is so strange. He wants to dislike him, but it’s hard to when he’s so earnest and honest—any annoyance he feels is swept away by how genuine Hyunjin seems to be. Suddenly he simply feels so tired, so much so that he briefly considers admitting that it was all fake. Of course, in the end, he decides not to—to keep Changbin’s dignity intact, if nothing else. Nonetheless, he does keep in mind everything Hyunjin told him about Changbin; about their relationship, and about Changbin’s so-called happiness.

“Can’t you ask Minho to pay for you instead?” Seungmin grumbles over the phone.

Finals week is over; he just had his last exam and he’s supposed to meet Jisung and Minho for dinner at a Korean restaurant off-campus, but Jisung had called and asked if Seungmin could drop by their dorm to pick up his wallet that he’d accidentally left behind.

“No, please, I promised him I’d treat him after exams,” Jisung insists. “And he’s always buying me food, so I want to do this.”

Truthfully, Seungmin doesn’t mind; he figures he can get a change of clothes too before heading out to dinner as a third-wheel, but he pretends to complain anyway. “You better pay for my share of dinner too, then,” he tells his roommate as he tries to fish his keys out of his bag.

He fumbles with the lock just as Jisung sings him gratitude; pushes the door open just as Jisung bids him goodbye and ends the call.

“Hey.”

The sight that greets him almost has Seungmin dropping his keys on the floor.

“What the–?” He frowns; his heart is racing. He’s confused at what Changbin is doing in his dorm room, but he has a feeling that his roommate has something to do with this.

“Jisung let me in,” Changbin confirms, as if he heard Seungmin’s thoughts.

Seungmin stands in front of the doorway, staring, initially at a loss for words. “Of course he did,” he mumbles, huffing as he finds enough energy to close the door behind him.

“Seungmin…” Changbin calls to him, but his voice isn’t like it usually is; isn’t loud and confident, but more cautious and nervous. It pulls at Seungmin’s heartstrings, but he tries his best to look nonchalant as he moves around the room, heading straight to Jisung’s side of it to look for―

“Jisung didn’t really leave his wallet,” Changbin tells him quietly.

Seungmin’s jaw tightens because motherfucking Jisung. Of course it was all a ploy. He grunts, exasperated, and he ends up sitting on Jisung’s bed, hands rubbing his face.

“Seungmin,” Changbin calls him again.

“What?” he snaps, looking up, their eyes meeting. Contrition is clearly mirrored in Changbin’s expression, which considerably softens Seungmin’s hard edges.

“Don’t be mad at Jisung,” Changbin tells him. “I asked him to help out—to help you get to talk to me.”

Seungmin’s expression contorts into a frown. “If you wanted to talk, you could have just asked to talk,” he says. “There was no need for some kind of misdirect or ploy like this.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” Seungmin scrunches his nose; he sits up straight and folds his arms across his chest, continuing to stare at Changbin as he waits for the other man to actually start the conversation he came here to have.

“Okay, noted.” Changbin nods; he looks back at Seungmin, and once again there’s brief silence that only adds to the already tense atmosphere crackling between the two of them. “I’m sorry,” he eventually says.

“Sorry?”

Changbin nods slowly. “Alright, so—” he inhales deeply, “—I’ve been thinking recently that expressing my feelings is the most important thing. In human relationships, if a person doesn’t express their feelings, then people won’t know if they’re sorry—won’t know if that person likes them, or dislikes them.”

Seungmin’s brow furrows as he tries to follow Changbin’s train of thought. “Well, yes?” 

Changbin clicks his tongue; a sheepish, side grin forms on his mouth. “I’m not an expressive person at all,” he continues, “but I’m trying.”

Seungmin blinks; he hears what Changbin is trying to say, but he also thinks that Changbin is pretty expressive when he wants to be; that Changbin is good at expressing himself with his music at the very least—then again, there’s always room for ambiguity in Changbin’s music, and maybe that’s what the other man is trying to remedy right here and now.

“What are you saying, Changbin?”

“I’m sorry that I brought up Hyunjin before, at the beach,” he says. “I was trying to explain my feelings, but I think I used all the wrong words—and all I can do is keep trying to explain myself.”

“It’s fine,” Seungmin murmurs. “I’ll listen to what you have to say—I’ll give you time to fix your words, if you use the wrong ones.”

Changbin smiles softly. “The only reason why I brought him up was because I had some realizations about the relationship we had. I think I idealized that relationship in my mind, and that was what I was bracing to say the last time.”

Seungmin nods slowly; he thinks he understands this now—maybe the conversation he had with Hyunjin has helped put things in perspective for him, too.

“In a way, that relationship was like a dream—something I kept trying to aim for, but—” he chuckles, almost self-deprecating in a way.

Seungmin lifts an eyebrow. “Your dream is Hyunjin?”

“No. It’s not—” Changbin groans. “See? This is what I mean by being very bad at explaining myself.” He sighs. “I’m just saying—in comparison, what I have with you, even though it was meant to be a farce, it felt so much more solid.”

Seungmin purses his lips, trying to keep himself from forming any hint of a smile. 

“In high school, I had a crush on Hyunjin, because he was pretty, so I pursued him. It’s not that that’s all he is—he’s a good guy, you know? He’s a lot of things, but I think in the year that we were apart, I was more in love with the Hyunjin in my head, not the Hyunjiun who was real, and growing into a person on his own. That was what became the problem. But you…”

“Me?” Seungmin balls his hands into closed fists; his heart is pounding in his chest as he waits for more; waits for Changbin to say what he wants to hear.

“You’ve always been you, Seungmin. You’ve always let me seen who you are, very clearly. You’ve always been real, steady—you give me a sense of stability, and I think that’s—I think that’s why it’s been easy to envision a future with you. We were acting, yet to me, you still felt like solid ground.”

“Is this supposed to be a romantic confession?” Seungmin asks. “Because it’s very lacking in the romance department.” Despite his words, inside, he’s actually feeling a whirlwind of anticipation and apprehension. His heart races like a drumbeat echoing in his chest, and each breath he takes feels shallow yet exhilarating.

Changbin laughs. “Sorry. But like I said, I’m bad at expressing myself directly, and all I can do is try.”

“It’s okay.” Seungmin ducks his head; his face is warm and he’s pretty sure he’s blushing. The thundering in his chest is definitely indicative of something as well. “You said you’re trying to be straightforward at expressing yourself, so just be straightforward Changbin.”

“Here’s the thing, then—I’m not afraid to do anything if you’re with me, Seungmin. Because you’re you, and you feel real, and not like a dream I have to chase.” Changbin pauses; he breaks out into a grin, that cocky, confident grin that drew Seungmin to him to begin with. Like he knows he’s got this in the bag, and really, Seungmin can’t deny that he does. “I’m falling for you Seungmin Sky Kim. So—will you give me a chance?”

A chance, Seungmin repeats in his thoughts. 

The little charade he's played with Changbin over the last several weeks have highlighted his own glaring lack of experience in the romance department. It's been a bit of a hard pill to swallow because he has always fancied himself as someone very logical and rational, so he has always assumed that when it comes to entering a relationship, he'd easily be in control as well. After all, isn't this why he's dodged and turned away from all the previous chances that the deities of love and romance have thrown his way?

He recalls what Hyunjin said about Changbin having certain expectations when it comes to relationships and he realizes that he has had a similar attitude towards them all this time. He has made assumptions about what being in a relationship entails; about what steps are to be taken when getting into a relationship—and it's funny that he had to go through a pretend relationship to realize that he doesn't know what he doesn't know and… that's alright.

Even now, the giddiness he feels is both familiar and unfamiliar. It's familiar because of how much he's felt it with Changbin through the time they spent together, but also unfamiliar because he hadn't been picking at it, or studying the feeling. And now he's here.

And he's just been confessed to by someone he has admired for a while.

Seungmin purses his lips and tries to hide a smile. “What does that mean? A chance?”

“A chance!” Changbin repeats, and this time there’s a sparkle in his eyes; a glimmer of anticipation. “To prove myself. To prove I’m worthy of being by your side. Of being your boyfriend—your real one, if you’ll have me.”

“Oh.” Seungmin’s face feels like it’s about to overheat now. “Can I tell you something?”

Changbin blinks, looking confused. That was probably not the response he was expecting. “Yeah, of course.”

“I’ve had a big fat crush on you for so long,” Seungmin admits.

“Yeah?” The smirk is back, and Seungmin desperately wants to snatch it away, but he knows that he needs to say his piece first.

“Yeah, like. Since last term.” He forcibly rolls his eyes in an attempt to seem nonchalant—the complete opposite of the building anxiety he’s feeling. “I built an image of you in my mind, I think, but—” he inhales, exhales, and puts on a shy smile. Changbin obviously isn't the only person who has ever caught his eye, but most of Seungmin’s other crushes easily faded away, some gradual, some quick, but his feelings for this man in front of him have only strengthened, almost to a point where they feel tangible, “—then we started spending time together, and I get what you're saying about someone feeling real, I think. Because the you I imagined in my head and the you I got to know—they’re different in some ways, similar in others, I guess. But now I know the reality of who you are, and I… ended up liking you even more than I expected to.”

Seungmin feels naked despite being fully clothed. He has never been good at baring his real feelings; somehow he just expects people to know and understand from his actions. But Changbin is right, he thinks. Expressing oneself is the most important thing. 

Changbin breaks out into a wide grin. “Can I kiss you?” It’s so out of the blue, yet so straightforward. Not particularly an answer to the confession Seungmin just gave, but also, in a way, a direct one, and Seungmin can’t really say no to it. Their eyes simply meet, gazes locking in a silent exchange that relays his acquiescence. 

His heartbeat quickens as Changbin crosses the room to meet him, and his stomach flutters with nerves and excitement in equal measure as Changbin reaches for him. Electricity feels like it crackles in the air, the tension between them palpable, and almost physical to touch.

The kiss is as tender as it was the first time around, but the bitterness is gone, replaced only with affection and longing that emanates from Changbin himself.

Time slows to a crawl, and to Seungmin, it feels as if their surroundings momentarily fade away; just the two of them are relevant, surrounded in a bubble of mutual affection. Every breath, every heartbeat, feels magnified, echoing the rhythm of their shared emotions; each movement feels charged with anticipation of what’s to come.

This time, when Seungmin pulls away, it’s not because of any insecurities; if anything he moves away with much reluctance, and with an annoying, but desperate need for air.

Changbin stares at him, but there’s more surety in his expression now; more certainty that he knows how Seungmin is feeling.

“You’re not cold, are you?” he asks in a hushed tone, and Seungmin can only laugh breathlessly; can only shake his head before he pulls Changbin back towards him for another kiss.

ꨄ︎

Seungmin has never really been one for public displays of affection. He found it awkward, and thought that it served no real purpose except to make witnesses feel uncomfortable.

Or so he did, once upon a time. 

Being with Changbin has made him a bit more relaxed about such trivial things. Why else would he be seated cozily on Changbin’s lap in the middle of an airport's waiting area, his boyfriend's arms snugly wrapped around his midsection, despite the fact that there's more than enough space on the bench.

“You two maybe wanna get a room?” Minho comments, one eyebrow lifted at them. He's seated at the far end of the same bench, Jisung between him, and whatever one can call Seungmin and Changbin’s body meld.

Seungmin deliberately ignores him, instead leaning further back against Changbin, comfortable even when the latter tightens his hold around him.

They’re on their way to a music festival across the coast and are waiting for their flight to get called out. The plan is to rent a car and have a fun little road trip on the way back, but Seungmin was insistent that they at least fly on the way over. He could just imagine the stress of being stuck in a small, moving space with these three for more than necessary.

Okay, admittedly, maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. He and Changbin have been an official, non-pretend couple for several months now—which is more than he can say for Minho and Jisung. They seem to be taking their time, and Seungmin figures that’s their business, and not his. What’s important to him is that his own relationship has been going well, and he’s feeling quite happy and comfortable.

“Take a picture,” Changbin barks out at Minho, and when Seungmin looks over his shoulder, he notices the smug grin his boyfriend is donning. It tugs at the corner of his own lips.

“Don't need to,” Minho retorts. “I see enough of your ugly mug on a daily basis.”

Seungmin glances at them, and he has to hold back a giggle when he notices Minho casually pressing his knee against Jisung’s.

“Baby, he called me ugly,” Changbin whines, pulling him into the interaction as he rests his chin on Seungmin’s shoulder.

“Don't involve me in this,” he answers.

“Ha, even your boyfriend thinks you’re ugly.” Minho childishly sticks his tongue out at Changbin.

“You're such a child,” Changbin huffs. “At least I have a boyfriend.”

Minho and Jisung exchange knowing looks at that.

“Hold up—” Changbin gasps; he reacts so violently that Seungmin almost falls off his lap. “You two finally?!”

Seungmin snorts; he shakes his head and slaps Changbin on the arm before sliding off his lap and simply sitting on the bench next to him. Mirth and contentment are coming off both Minho and Jisung in waves, and he likes to think that he and Changbin are visibly mirroring the vibe.

He’s happy; his friends are happy. No one knows the shelf life of this feeling, but he finds that he doesn't care about that. He simply wants to enjoy the ride. 

He reaches for Changbin’s hand and it dawns on him now—he just might understand what Changbin had meant when he said that with Seungmin, he feels like he can do anything.