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Jude feels as though she has grown too comfortable lately. Oftentimes when she wakes up, she is not reaching for her knife or in a cold sweat, grasping at the sheets in terror. Instead, she allows her eyes to open slowly, stretching her legs in tandem. Sitting up, she can see the last remnants of the sunlight fading away through the gaps in the curtain. It’s nice, she thinks, to not be immediately worried upon waking. Looking to the other side of the bed, it is easy to remember what circumstances has made her feel this way.
Cardan Greenbriar, her husband, is still fast asleep next to her. His dark hair spills over his forehead as he inhales and exhales. There is slight evidence of pillow marks on the side of his face, and he is so ethereally beautiful that this slight imperfection makes Jude smile.
Laying back down, she faces her husband and gently moves hair from his forehead. She feels her heart squeeze somewhat, for who in her life would expect her to be capable of such humanity? Had she even expected to be capable of such things?
She’d never thought of marriage, not really. Sure, there was the situation with Locke, but she had never imagined that would become anything but fun. She had never imagined anyone wanting her in more than simple attraction. Even when she was seneschal, she refused to admit that her mind ever imagined herself getting married. It was inevitable, though, when so many were fighting for the hand of the High King. Her validity as a suitor (and her, at times, desperate want to be one) only came to her mind in the early hours, laying alone.
She is still not sure what gave him the nerve to admit to his feelings, what gave her the nerve to act on them. Perhaps it really was simply the crossbow, but now Jude knows the full depth of them. It is truly a wonderous thought, how something that looms so large in her now can start so quickly, so spontaneously. But that is the nature of him, she thinks. She had never stood a chance when his gaze turned soft in beholding her. Now, he has her back and Jude is so in love she thinks she could stay here, in bed, with him for days.
It was so easy, sometimes, to just be here with him. It was easy in a way Jude was unused to. For much of her life in faerie, Jude had felt an almost obligation to love her family members. She loved them deeply, of course, but it was not always the same as liking. It was not always the same as having a friend. She had liked Cardan before she’d loved him, there was no obligation nor pressure to do so. He had made sure of that. He was her husband, and he was her friend. She thinks, almost quietly, it was nice to have a friend.
As if they weight of her thoughts were enough to wake him, Jude heard her name, whispered softly in question. She hadn’t even realized she had begun staring at the ceiling.
“You look as though you’re thinking deeply, my love. May I ask what about?” Cardan said softly, stretching his waking limbs. Jude turned to him as he moved a strand of hair out of her face. Stars, he was beautiful. And he was hers.
“I love you.” She said, softly. To this, his eyes widened ever so slightly, and he smiled.
“And I love you.” He said, his eyes softening across the pillow space between them. “Is everything okay? Did you have a nightmare?”
“Must something be wrong for me to say that?” She asked, frowning even as she understood his concern. She was hardly open to be so open with her feelings this early in their evening.
“Of course not, it’s only,” He paused, considering. “I understand what memories get heavy in the early hours and what emotion this recalls.” His voice is calm, but there is pain there, too. Jude’s heart ached, her own experiences fresh.
Even after being married for over a year, Jude still had a habit of seeing vulnerability as a tall wall. But she was still learning. After all this time, she knew Cardan had her wholly. It made her want to call her own bluff. And so, she did.
“I am not always sure what to do in the face of such happiness. Such…peace.” She says, entwining their hands together. Maybe if she focuses on that this won’t be so daunting. “But I am so happy.” At this, she looks at him and is nearly overcome by the look in his eyes. His eyes are practically melting in softness. Bolstered, she continues.
“It’s nice to be here with you. And I want to tell you that more.” She finishes, taking a deep breath.
Cardan stares at her with those eyes a moment before pulling her forward with their hands entwined. Holding her in his arms a moment, she can feel him smiling into her hair.
“It is unbelievably nice. So nice, I think we should enjoy it the rest of the day.” He says, and Jude is smiling so much she is sure she will feel it for hours.
Nice, indeed.