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Punishments for fallen angels vary depending on the severity of their sin. Typically, for what Matthew has been charged with, it’s a simple fall, but this was his last chance. His third chance and he still blew it. So instead of only a fall, his wings were getting clipped.
—
“Holy shit!”
Matthew blinked at the guy, trying to keep his composure. He was clutching his chest, heaving like he had been a part of some dramatized prank. It was funny, as most humans were to Matthew, but he looked genuinely a little freaked out so he kept his laughs to himself.
“Hi.”
“Hi?”
“I’m Matthew.”
“Um. Okay. Can I help you?”
He was keeping his wings hidden, tucked into his back, low, so that they would be obscured by his figure. It was a bit foul of him, to fly into this guy’s window and perch himself there, and act like he was human. But it was unbelievably funny to him. His lips were twitching from him trying not to laugh.
“No, I’m good. But I think I can help you.”
Gunwook stared at him quizzically and Matthew thought of how he was extremely lucky to have gotten someone that didn’t throw the first thing they saw at him once he intruded on their space. He wondered if Gunwook would be even more spooked once he saw his wings, and how he should reveal them to him.
“Don’t freak out okay.”
“Well, how much worse can this get?”
Matthew smiled at him before tucking through the window and rolling onto the carpeted floor. He stood up, rolling out the kinks in his neck before stretching his wings out the most he could in the small dorm room without knocking anything over. They were starting to ache.
Gunwook gaped at him, mouth open and wordless as he took everything in. Matthew liked him and the way every single emotion passed on his face.
“I’m your guardian angel.”
—
Matthew didn’t really question Gunwook when he said he wanted to take him to an amusement park. He didn’t question him when he called it a date either.
“So,” Gunwook started finishing off the ice cream cone he had gotten at the truck at the food section of the fairgrounds. Really, calling this place an amusement park was a bit of a stretch, it was smaller, with no real roller coasters and rides that looked like you could pack them up after a night. A small town fair was what it was closer to, and it made Matthew wonder if Gunwook had ever been anywhere bigger. “Are there any more guardian angels here?”
“Yeah, a few.”
“Really?”
Matthew could count four just in his vicinity. “I can see them but you can’t. Does that bother you?”
“Nope. Honestly, I just feel lucky to have you. Thought guardian angels were just the thing of fantasies.” He tossed the tip of the cone and napkin in the trash before sticking his hands in the pocket of his jeans. “Does everyone get a guardian at some point?”
“Not everyone. Just whoever the higher ups feel like really needs them.”
Gunwook turned his face up to the sky before laughing dryly. “Higher ups must think I’m a mess.”
Matthew didn’t say anything to that but smiled slightly. When he had first met Gunwook he wasn’t in the best state, obviously, since that was the whole reason why he was sent to him. But in the few months they spent together he had begun to look a bit more lively. He followed his schedule and started to branch out at his school again. Matthew wasn’t meant to fix him, just try and help him as best as he could. Angelic intervention wasn’t a quick way to make your life better, but it still felt nice to think that maybe he had some sort of positive effect on Gunwook.
It was why Gunwook had suggested they come to the amusement park— fair— whatever they wanted to call it. He wanted to come with Matthew. Risk looking crazy as he spoke to nothing in particular since no one else could see him. It was stupid but endearing and Matthew couldn’t not say yes.
Gunwook reached for his hand but he pulled it out of his grasp, swallowing the lump in his throat deep down as he saw the hurt flash in Gunwook's eyes for a moment.
“You’ll look like you’re holding hands with the air.”
Gunwook shrugged. “I don’t mind. Besides, it’s too crowded around here for anyone to notice or care.”
Matthew let him grab his hand again, the hold warm as Gunwook weaved them through the masses of people until they reached the line for the ferris wheel. Thankfully, it wasn't too long, so the wait was only a few minutes before Gunwook boarded the ride and he followed. To everyone around them it would look like he was riding alone but Matthew was right by his side, wings up high to give the two of them space to sit.
The ride began to move again, swinging their gondola back and forth. It wasn’t anything close to flying but being in the air felt nice. The wheel went through its motions, moving slowly as it allowed for people to get off and board on their turns, and before long the two of them were at the very top, sights set on the entire fairgrounds.
“Everyone looks so small from up here.” Gunwook was leaning over the side, watching all the people below. “Is this what it’s like when you’re in heaven?”
“I guess this is comparable,” he laughed. Gunwook joined him and it made his whole face light up. This was starting to be one of the things Matthew liked the most about being in the mortal realm. Gunwook’s smile was that divine.
—
Clipping makes it sound simple. Like a snip and it’s over and you fall from paradise. That wasn’t the case. Clippings were a spectacle for everyone to see, to warn you of what would happen when you stepped out of line. In all honesty it was the most excruciating pain Matthew had ever felt. Feeling his wings separate from his back, having them torn out of their socket, it hurt like nothing he’s ever felt before.
But as the floor disappeared below him he could see Gunwook’s face turned to the sky, as if he could see him too. It reminded Matthew of why he had done any of this in the first place.
—
“Why’d you become a guardian?”
“I broke some rules.”
“What were they?”
Matthew kept silent, looking over the page of endless equations Gunwook was working on.
“Oh c’mon, Matt. You know everything about me, let me know a little about you.”
Matthew couldn’t quite explain it but he liked when the human whined at him. The way he would turn his voice up and pout his lips.
“I don’t know everything,” Matthew told him. Gunwook tilted his head to the side. “There’s not much to me. Really.”
“That’s hard to believe. You just said you broke rules and that’s how you got stuck with me. You’re a little trouble maker.”
“Trouble maker? Really? You sound forty when you say that.”
Gunwook grabbed hold of his hand and widened his eyes. He softened them and jut his bottom lip out a tad more and Matthew was a sucker for it. He was like a puppy, sweet, and Matthew could practically see his tail wagging at the prospect of finding out his secrets.
“I disobeyed God.”
Gunwook’s eyes turned into saucers and Matthew had to bite the inside of his lip to keep himself from reacting. “Oh.”
“My friends begged Him to spare me so I only got a slap on the wrist.”
Matthew thrummed his fingers on the table, waiting for Gunwook to respond to the revelation about him. He could tell Gunwook thought he was pure goodness, but now he knew of some of his flaws. He wondered if he’d take off the rose-tinted lenses.
The corner of Gunwook’s mouth lifted to a half smile. “Trouble maker doesn’t seem to begin to cover what you are.”
—
“Please tell me everything next time.”
Gunwook dressed the wounds on his back, gently, like he was afraid he’d break. It filled Matthew’s heart with warmth but he had to reassure Gunwook that he was fine, because the pain was over the second he had begun his descent.
“I’m sorry. I got selfish.”
“So, what now?” Gunwook finished tying the bandages around him, gaze lingering on his back.
“I guess I’ll be sticking around for more than two days. You won’t grow tired of me?”
Gunwook breathed out a laugh, closing the distance between the two of them and running the tip of his nose along Matthew’s own.
“Never.”
—
Gunwook took out the old flowers, dead and wilted, from the vase before replacing them with the ones he had picked up on the way. They were simple, an array of white lilies, some of them stained blue.
“Blue was his favourite colour so...” He trailed off.
“They’re beautiful.”
Gunwook gave him a watery smile before turning back to the headstone. His lips trembled as he gazed upon it and the sight made Matthew’s gut twist, a twinge of pain creeping in.
It was the second anniversary of his brother’s death, and eleven months since Matthew had become his angel. By now, it wasn’t hard to tell what Gunwook was thinking just by looking at him. Sometime’s Matthew could just feel it, like it was more than just guardian instinct. It wasn’t something he understood or could explain.
“I returned to school,” he heard Gunwook tell his brother as he kneeled down by the resting spot. “I'll graduate a year late but it’s better than never, right?”
Matthew gave him the space he needed, watching his back as he spoke to his brother, catching him up on all the things he had done in the past year. He sat there silent for a few moments, so Matthew approached slowly.
“May I bless him?”
Gunwook nodded, so Matthew kneeled by the dark marble and whispered prayers onto the stone. He could feel Gunwook’s shoulders shake by his side, and knowing that he was sobbing next to him had tears falling onto Matthew’s own cheeks.
He wrapped his arms around Gunwook’s shoulders, and let his wings give them cover as the rain began to fall.
—
“You’re walking a fine line.”
Matthew rolled his eyes at the other angel, feeling the judgement without even having to look.
“So what am I supposed to do?” They both stopped at the altar of Michael, and for the first time Matthew felt guilty to be near it. “Just watch him as he cries when I can comfort him?”
“Yes Matthew! Guide him. Guard him. But know your place!”
He couldn’t. To do that would be like going against his entire being. Everything that felt right to him were faults, and for the third time in his long life Matthew felt like he just wasn’t cut out for this. Maybe he had been made an angel by mistake.
“I’m not like you.” His voice was cracking because he knew it was true. He knew in his heart of hearts that something about him was different from everyone else. Grace came easy to them. “I can’t just turn my feelings off.”
“Feelings? Matthew, what do you not understand? You are temporary to him. You’ll disappear and he won’t remember you. How are you getting attached to someone who will forget you the moment you’re gone?”
Matthew bit his bottom lip, trying to distract himself from the tears pricking his eyes. It wasn’t against the rules but everyone knew not to shed tears by Michael. He turned away from the altar and gave Hanbin the fiercest look he could muster before taking steps to leave the prayer space.
“Matthew,” Hanbin began while reaching out to him, tone lighter than before.
“Stop.” Matthew swatted away the arm that was coming to his shoulder. If he looked back, he’d likely break down and let Hanbin convince him to try another time.
“Matthew please. I just want you back. We all want you back and in His grace.”
Matthew didn’t think he could survive another month in paradise, let alone another few centuries, maybe even a millenia. It wasn’t his place any longer.
—
“Your year is almost up.”
Matthew was perched on the window as Gunwook sat at his desk and it reminded him of the first night when he had scared Gunwook shitless.
“It is. I still have three days though.” The words were more for himself than they were for Gunwook. He still had three days with him. Three days to decide what was next for them. It could be more than three days. He had to make his choice.
“I know. I’ll miss you.”
Hearing him say that broke Matthew’s heart, because he knew that he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t remember when they met, or the day at the fair. He wouldn’t remember anything about Matthew.
“Gunwook, can I kiss you?”
His lips parted so slightly, and all Matthew wanted to do was put his own against them. To know what that felt like. He ached for it.
Gunwook reached for his hands, pulled him forth and Matthew let him. Let him hold the back of his neck, let his fingers tangle in the hairs at his nape.
His breaths were slow as he waited for the moment when Gunwook would do it. Connect their lips and finally let him sin.
Matthew couldn’t understand. How could sin feel so soft and taste so sweet? How could it set every one of his nerve endings alight, and connect him to another like this? He couldn’t believe he had been deprived of this for centuries.
They moved to Gunwook’s bed, sitting perpendicular to make space for his wings. Gunwook’s lips trailed from his own down to his jaw until they inched back up to his ear, sucking at the skin there.
“Ah,” Matthew sighed out, nails digging into Gunwook’s shoulders. He soothed his tongue over the spot before trailing down to his clavicle.
Gunwook’s hands were at the hem of his shirt and he tugged at it, lifting it a little before leaning back, trailing his eyes over him. The look made his throat tight.
“Your wings. How…” Gunwook’s eyes were so dark but Matthew could still tell that his pupils were dilating. “How do I take this off?”
“Just rip it.”
His eyes widened but he reached for the neckline all the same and pulled on it until the cotton tore down the middle. Matthew shrugged the shirt off his shoulders and wings before diving back into Gunwook, planting his lips on the mole that laid in between his collarbones. He bit down slightly on the skin there and it pulled a moan out of Gunwook, and the sound was better than any of the hymns from the choir.
They were tied up together for what felt like hours, and when they separated again their chests heaved against each other. Gunwook reached for the waistband of his shorts, and Matthew laid his own hands on top to halt him.
“I’ve never done this before.”
Gunwook stared at him for a few moments, eyes narrowing slightly. His hands were still planted firmly on Matthew’s hips, but he loosened his grip just a bit. “Is this another one of the rules you’ll break?” He whispered it but it sounded so loud to Matthew. It was. It was wrong. So wrong that he knew his place in paradise was lost. But he’d already crossed the line with a kiss, already sealed his fate. He wanted to embrace his new one now.
“Would it bother you if it were?”
He could see Gunwook swallow, watching his throat bob as he thought about it. Matthew waited for his answer, breathing shallowly because they had already gotten so far and the feeling of Gunwook’s skin against his was driving him mad. Matthew has never wanted anything more than to bask in this sensation.
“No.”
They’d be damned together.
—
Hanbin looked at him with utter disdain. Hatred. In the centuries that he had known the other, Matthew has never seen him so angry.
“I won’t be there.”
Matthew didn’t think he would care but that hurt him just a bit. Hanbin was the closest thing he had to family. It wasn’t really a concept that existed for them as angels but Matthew liked to consider them something similar to it.
“And my wings?” He wondered if Hanbin would leave them there on the floor of the plaza, limp and soiled.
“I don’t know, Matthew.”
On his first two strikes he had been met with mild disappointment. But this was different. Devastation that he could not comprehend. He would be fine, fallen angels still lived. But maybe it was the simple fact that their common thread would be broken. They were never that alike, after all.
—
“I want you to move.”
Gunwook leaned back, thumbs swiping over his cheek over and over again, his touch featherlight. He kissed the spot just above his mouth before going lower, lips fitting together.
Matthew teased the seam of his lips until they opened up, their tongues touching slowly. Matthew shuddered slightly, the feeling fanning throughout all of him. Gunwook’s hands were almost enough to distract him from how their mouths melting together felt, especially as one of them crept up his back, dangerously close to his wings.
“You’re gonna have to help,” Gunwook whispered against his lips.
“Show me what you like then.”
He laid back and it made their cocks rub against each other as he repositioned himself under Matthew. Gunwook’s eyes fluttered closed as he groaned, pinks lips parted and relaxed. He intertwined their fingers until both of their hands were on both sides of his shoulders and Matthew had to lean over him.
“I like all of you.”
Matthew wrinkled his nose at him. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I know. But it’s the truth. I like all of you so anything you do will be good to me.”
Gunwook raised a pair of their hands to his lips and grazed them on Matthew’s knuckles. The intimacy made his face hot again, and his wings fluttered.
“Is this how you make people fall in love with you?”
Gunwook giggled, eyes turning to crescents as he sat up again, getting them to grind against each other once more. Matthew muffled his moan through biting his bottom lip, so hard he thought he might tear it, but Gunwook’s thumb replaced it as he spread his spit across it.
“Only ever made one person fall in love with me and they’re an angel.” The tips of Matthew’s feathers could sense Gunwook’s arm wrapping around his back and ruffled, trying to cage them in. “I guess the first time’s a charm.”
—
Fraternizing with humans was more than taboo. It’s not something angels were permitted to do, and after experiencing it Matthew understood why. It was a holy experience, and it felt better than being by God’s side. Matthew only wanted to be by Gunwook for the rest of eternity.
Gunwook stayed by his side the whole night, leaning on the edge of the bed because he refused to let Matthew give up any space. His breaths were even as he had fallen asleep, and the moonlight seeping through the gaps in the blinds cast shadows over his cheeks. He was worth more than wings. He was Matthew’s whole world, so he was worth more than anything.