Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Despite them all eventually living together for centuries in Rivendell, Maglor never quite understands Glorfindel, ever. He sometimes seems jealous of his deep connection with Elrond, but other times seems thrilled he's there, a strange feeling to be sure. He's a very cheerful elf. He does not react to Maglor's presence with hatred or violence or suspicion, which is creepy, quite frankly.

Why does he never make sense, Maglor can't understand it.

He asks Elrond about it, who just says, "Glorfindel has great power, and can tell good from evil. He has no worry about you."

Maglor shrugs. He still spends most of his time with Elrond; they work on paperwork together. When Elrond must go do other things, Maglor keeps working and makes a newly 'done' pile for him to double check and glance at/look over.

It's strange to have woken up in this extensive, perfect dream. [Except for Elros being dead, and his whole family too, and him being a horrible person that's technically exiled from elven society. Also, his hand problems.] But mostly, other than that, it is perfect.

Maglor knows it's real, but it sure doesn't feel that way. Somehow Elrond has mostly cured him of his hand being destroyed and also of his craziness. He feels almost confused by the luxury he lives in now. He has soft clothes that are warm, lots of clothes actually; he's always cold. Elrond thinks it's the damage to his soul that's causing it.

He has a bed that's soft too. And his special broth soup. Elrond also gives him bottles of medicines in case he needs to address any concern quickly on his own, drugs for pain, stomach problems, calming draughts and sleeping ones too.

He does find sleep very enjoyable, and often falls unconscious still. His body simply doesn't have enough energy to act like an elf at all times, it seems. He'd always wondered about sleep after seeing Elrond and Elros do it so much.

He'd yearned for that peaceful rest, but it had been denied him then. Now it's blissful to fall out of consciousness with the use of medicine.

He uses no glamour and wears no symbols, except for if Elrond gives him gifts meant to be worn.

Glorfindel sometimes will come ask him to play or sing for him -- Glorfindel gets into these strange moods where he needs to be distracted. Playing with just one hand is interesting and weird but he explores it.

It's also sad. Obviously.

Typically Glorfindel is more of an outside person, rushing about, doing things; sparring, training, fighting, building, things in that vein. [He has to re-accustom his normal hand to playing, he won't use his other one for a long time. Eventually though he does, and it feels good.]

So Maglor plays for him, songs in different registers and keys and themes and asks which he is preferring, and then goes from there.

Elrond has often found them there in his office, Glorfindel laying on the floor listening with his eyes shut [an unusual thing for an elf] and Maglor ensconced on his usual little half couch-chair playing and singing.

He does not put implication or intent into his songs now, concerned that everyone would find it creepy. No one wants a reformed villain to openly use his great powers, even if they trust him. It's just uncomfortable for everyone ... even himself. It's a reminder, a blatant one at that, of what Maglor could do.

What he has done.

Maglor is not the elf he was before, now. He is weak in many ways, even after Elrond has healed him [mind-wise] and tried to heal his hand. It actually looks pretty good, really.

He gets easily spooked, is startled often. It takes a long time for his constant thoughts of horrible things to fade. He'd been lost in them for so long, it feels like resurfacing after being in a long, long life of terror. And then a weird coma, but he kind of remembers vague things about it, and then being awake but not aware or speaking or having his mind work. He has lots of memories from that -- of knowing Elrond was safe, of trying to do what he wanted [like take a sip of water when he held it to his lips], of liking how warm it was though his body was still so cold inside, of liking how Elrond was clearly trying to get him warm.

He eventually is able to eat more, which is nice in that it tastes good and it pleases Elrond. What doesn't he owe his poor little child. ... His stolen child, yes, but still his child, in his mind.

He and his brother had given the twin children many things: treasure, gold, books, heirlooms [it was no secret to the sons of Feanor what their fates were going to be at that point, and the twins deserved their caches of items], knowledge, training, skills. And love. That had been Maglor's domain as his brother was already suffering too much to act like a normal person much of the time.

For a long time after the bloodshed, giving up Elrond and his brother to Gil-Galad, more bloodshed, and burning his hand on the jewel, he felt cursed. Even beyond how cursed he actually was. Well, before that too.

He wandered the shore for a little bit, which he later found out was an actual legend that many believed. He learned Elrond tried to find him often. He was insane then, though, so it was good he didn't find him.

But then eventually something changed, and he felt the horrific weight of the oath curse lifted. A strange thing for that to even happen, who knew it was even possible, but he now sees how he came back to his senses enough to let Elrond find him the last time.

He was still totally crazy at that point, when Elrond brought him home, but it was still less crazy than he had been with the oath pressing on him.

[Only many years in the future does Maglor find out that Elrond asked his [real] father for the silmaril in an effort to break the curse. By holding the jewel for a moment and 'claiming' it as a 'kind of adopted-ish Feanorean', the curse was ended. All three had then been claimed by Feanoreans, so it was over.

Earendil had tossed it down to Elrond for this purpose by way of eagle, and he'd tossed it back up when done, also by way of eagle, since he [his true father] couldn't come down to Middle Earth. It felt weird to be doubly grateful to Elrond's actual parents.]

In Imladris, he slowly starts performing music more and more often, but only for Elrond's closest people. So Erestor, Glorfindel, obviously Elrond if he wanted to hear some. He does not use his wounded hand, just the other one. Even after Elrond restores it totally, he's loath to use it much.

In a sense he knows he's [kind of, a little] safe in Rivendell because he's with Elrond firstly. And no elf would try to separate them, if only because they would say Elrond should keep him prisoner for what he did. Also, Elrond is respected and has great power, and that's apart from his dangerously powerful ring. Secondly, many Feanorean supporters live in Rivendell, though Maglor has not spoken to any.

Elrond told him who was here, at length, after he got his bearings mentally, and asked him what he willed. And he said he did not wish to speak to them yet. So Elrond told them all he was still sickly and needed more time to recover. Maglor knows he must present himself to them eventually, but he does not want to. He wants to pretend he really is Lindir, some harmless, nervous little elf that is Elrond's attendant.

If somehow a supporter does see him by accident, their eyes widen and they all politely look away, pretending not to have seen him. It's kind of them, and also he's happy to see Elrond's word is law.

He is concerned when the Elros descendants are there, [like Estel], when each one comes and grows up with them, but keeps himself from getting involved with the boys. He does not comment on Elrond acting as if he's the boy's uncle every time -- but can tell it hurts him to have this reminder of Elros here.

It hurts Maglor too. Elros left his brother, abandoned him. They will never see him again, ever.

Elrond tells him early on in his recovery that he has one of the elven rings made by Maglor's nephew. And that he's using it as Artanis does, to slow time and hide Rivendell away from evil.

He asks him if he feels it's power, and now that he mentions it, he might. "I'm not sure," he says. "What is my own sickness, versus it's power? What does a regular elf think it feels like?"

"Like time has slowed down," Elrond says, and he shrugs minutely cause he's not sure on that either way.

"I don't think I'd be able to feel it regardless, now," he says. "But at least I feel no desire for it. Thank god."

Elrond look empathetic.

"I still get sick," he confides to Maglor, who is shocked.

"But you made your choice," he says, offended at the universe for this affront.

Elrond laughs. Finally he smiles at him, and says, "I know. But it seems my blood has strange things in it. Some of it helps me do better at the magical arts and some of it weakens me."

"I'm probably the rare elf that now knows what long term sickness is like," Maglor says wryly. "So you have my empathy."

Elrond smiles again. "You'll rethink that when I get a cold and refuse to do anything, much less get up. You'll be shouting for Glorfindel to make me act reasonable."

"I think I'll be too worried to do that, even if it is irrational," Maglor admits. "It makes me nervous when you two are -- "

He pauses. He meant both brothers.

Elrond nods. "Yes."

"It will remind me of when you got upset because I wouldn't give you my elbow," Maglor reminisces. The boys had only ever cried about totally crazy stuff when they were very young.

Elrond laughs. "I never can believe you when you say things like that," he tells him.

"One time it was because 'at night it's dark', you didn't like that the sun went away," Maglor says.

"Please don't tell other people these stories," Elrond begs him, smiling. They both know that most of the Feanoreans in Rivendell already know them all, since they were there, watching Maglor try to parent the two kids he stole.

"You got very upset once because I wouldn't turn into a kitten with you," Maglor adds, and they laugh together. Of course, eventually he learns that the children could change their shapes, so that one probably doesn't count.

"Well, that one's just a real problem, so," Elrond jokes, smiling.

Elrond says Gil-Galad gave his magic ring to him [Maglor almost rolls his eyes fondly at him -- of course the high king they sent the twins to ends up practically in love with Elrond. He can tell, just the way he talks about him; and when he lists what he did for him.

Of course. It's almost ironic. People are just drawn to Elrond, no matter who they are or what the circumstances are. Other elves have implied to him that Gil-Galad really did love him, but that Elrond was more focused on beating the enemy and that sort of thing instead. He doesn't ask him about it; after all, Elrond doesn't ask him personal, intrusive questions, he never did.

It tires Elrond immensely to have to have his ring on all the time and he rests a lot, so Maglor plays his harp for him when he wishes it. His favorite is always just the instrumental melodies, no singing. He also likes when he just strums randomly on it as well.

Sometimes he asks Maglor to lay beside him like when he was young, so he does, and holds him. It's strange how their very terrible origin of meeting each other doesn't really affect their mutual love. Elrond likes to sleep beside him; as a half-elf, he actually sleeps, unlike normal elves.

That had been a shock when they'd first got [okay, kidnapped] them. It does not scare him anymore, to see him sleep with his eyes shut. Now it makes him smile fondly to think of that time.

Being Elrond's 'personal servant', as they tell everyone as a ruse, means that Maglor can go anywhere with him. It's nice from a 'guard/watch the kinslayer' point of view for those who do know who he is and fear him; it's also nice from a 'he's can protect Elrond if need be' view [for himself and for those who know he'd take the gutting to protect Elrond if need be].

Frodo's arrival ends their peace.

The first issue is Glorfindel rescuing Frodo, and Elrond using his ring to force the water at the black riders. He has to lay down after, and when Frodo is brought in for him to operate on, he's still tired.

Both of them recoil upon getting close to Frodo -- to the ring. Glorfindel brings Frodo to them to the healing room where Elrond will start working on him, and he too cringes from it anew, despite already being exposed during his ride of course. "You can't feel it as much when the riders are present," he tells them. "I carried him in here off my horse myself because of it."

Because he could feel it's danger, and they can't risk a random, normal elf getting too close to the enemy's one ring.

Maglor helps him heal Frodo, as much as is possible, and Elrond lists back against a chair as Maglor sings healing songs for Frodo. He even uses both hands. It takes a minute to get used to it, but it is like something you cannot forget.

Also, Elrond has healed his crippled hand very well.

For once, he puts power into his voice, to make it effective. He accidentally puts Elrond to sleep with it by the very end.

Frodo's ring is pure danger -- of course he can feel it's evil, sure. But he is no normal elf. He's felt the oath before, crushing him, gripping his mind and guts and soul in a vice. Compared to the oath, it's bad, but it's not the oath. So.

He can almost hear the ring whisper to him, so he starts playing quickly, as that drowns it out. It doesn't matter what it's trying to say, there is no redemption for him. There is no good end for him if he seizes it.

His father doomed them all. His family is all ruined. The last silmaril is gone in the sky, untouchable. And they both threw theirs away; no being could take them, they are beyond all grasps.

Those he killed are dead; he cannot 'return' the twin boys he stole. He cannot restore the cities he helped destroy. Even a magic evil power like the ring can't do any of that. It's worthless.

Also it's the enemy's, so he cannot work with them or use their things -- not just out of duty or morality but because Morgoth killed his grandfather. Morgoth started all of this. Morgoth ruined his family.

Yes, they were all stupid and did evil things. But that real monster started it all, and ruined his life. He's a shadow of the elf he was. He's nothing now.

He's okay with it, sometimes, but not always.

Funny, he thinks, as he sings, how it's worthless to only, only him. Probably most creatures would have some fantasy of power they want.

There is no fantasy for him, or hope. No power in the world could let him go back in time itself to Aman, undo events, take back the oath, stop his father, save his grandfather. Nothing. He is beyond help. Even evil magical help.

Even Glorfindel seems to be dozing after he finishes his song. Maglor hasn't used his real, whole, magical, immensely powerful singing voice for a long time. It feels strange to use it, it makes him nervous. He's played at being a no one for so long, and this is something an average elf could not do. Only him or Daeron could, he supposes, or Galadriel of course. Maybe no on Daeron because he was more of a plain singer than a 'use your voice for another purpose' singer -- like healing, death, sleep, etc. Maglor is an expert in that, unfortunately, and he knows Artanis has a dangerous level of power due to her tutelage with Melian.

Elrond seems shaken later, after he wakes up, saying he could hear the ring as well. Glorfindel says him too, but it didn't offer him nearly enough. "You can tell it's evil, because it's a disappointment," he says.

They laugh at that, only Glorfindel would find the one ring wanting. How dear he is, his sparkling, merry spirit.

He does not ask Elrond what the ring said to him, but tells him he drowned it out with music for himself and that way avoided hearing it's words. It's obvious and goes without saying that it would probably say that the three silmarils could be his.

But what's the point? ... He burns his hands again?! [It was sheer luck that he happened to touch the one he took back with his left hand -- if he'd burned his right hand he's sure not even Elrond could have saved him.] There is no point at all.

Elrond tells him: it spoke of Elros to him.

"How stupid is that," Elrond says, bitter. "At least offer something doable. It's offensive. What was it going to say next, we all live in perfection in Valinor and everyone gets along? Has it no knowledge of elves? Or my life? Valinor is going to be awkward exchanges until the end of time if we ever get there, if not straight out fist fights. I'm hoping for just fists."

He nods. Elrond hates to think of his brother unless he's in the mood to speak of him. Even the Dudedain children he fosters [when needed] in Elros' memory upset him simply due to their connection to his brother.

Also, there's no way that the Valinor 'get along' fantasy could happen. Elves are gossipy, territorial, prideful. And that's not even counting the Feanorean ones!

... Or how everyone will fight over Elrond, wanting to claim him as part of their family, and that's not including Maglor's family, of course. For he cannot go to Valinor. It's sad to think he'll be separated from Elrond again.

After Frodo recovers, the ring is presented at the council of all the races, Frodo says he will take it, and then it happens. The dwarf wants to make an oath with the others of the company.

Maglor leaves immediately, feeling like he's seconds from being sick. He can barely hear Elrond saying he won't allow that, and that they can leave the quest at any time over the blood rushing in his ears. He didn't even go far but he's gasping for breath.

The word 'oath' is something no one says in front of him, purposefully.

Glorfindel comes after him, and helps him drink the medicine he's gone for. He can't open the bottle at first because his hands are shaking too much. Finally he slips into blessed unconsciousness.

Finally the company leaves, and Elrond is sad to see Estel go. He's always sad about Elros' descendants, one way or another. Maglor doesn't comment on them because no one but him [he thinks] knows about how hurt Elrond was at Elros' choice, and how these children bring it all up again unknowingly.

He was so distraught back then when he talked to Maglor about it, it was terrible.

He has said to him before, how bitter, angry he is at Elros. How he left him, too ... like he needed to be abandoned again. And not even for another part of the world, or for Mandos. But truly left, forever.

And how he in a way doesn't blame Elros, because he's pissed about his life too. Just not enough to abandon his brother, his only family, and desire death; real unknowable death, not just the halls of the afterlife.

Maglor is angry too, but mostly sad. Same about his own brother. Brothers, and father. But what Elros did seems as extreme as how Feanor destroyed his own family. Maglor hates his father passionately, and barely loves him sometimes.

How could Elros leave Elrond? Was he that hurt? He can understand his own brother's death by his own hand. But not Elros' choice.

Sometimes he gets upset randomly over everything. The deaths and killing -- and also his own side's deaths too.

What he did to Elrond and his brother cannot be forgiven. Even their love is something he should not have. It's even worse that Elrond cares for him, in a way, showing how he stole that too. His very emotion, his soul.

Maglor had always made sure the boys knew they were the enemy, what they had done. It wasn't even out of his own goodness, it was out of a desire to avoid having to tell the boys later on in life and having them curse him [ ... like he needs to be more cursed] and reject him. If they knew from the beginning, he could avoid that suicide inducing scene.

He rarely has very much energy. It's takes all he has to just help Elrond with random paperwork or issues they talk about. That's enough to tire him out.

Glorfindel on the other hand is like a giant sun of never ending energy. He glows with it, as well as with the light of the two trees. Lindir -- well, Maglor, that is, only has a little light left in him. Sometimes he thinks of himself as Lindir too. They all call him that, except Elrond of course. If they are ensconced in his rooms he'll call him by his real name mind to mind, not out loud.

Out loud he says my friend mostly, and Lindir if he has to.

Maglor is not the same as he was.

His family used to be powerful, important. They were all better than normal elves. Now their father's name and the adjective version of it is used as a common insult. People literally also say 'if you do 'x' you're no better than a kinslayer' as an comparison phrase.

Maglor used to be a famous singer. People used to offer him lavish gifts in exchange for hearing his original songs.

Now he is much dimmed, very quiet, and very weak. Before, the oath forced him forward, and later forced him to live despite his madness, he assumes. Now the only thing keeping him alive is his love for Elrond. Though his better health is helping, too.

He only sometimes sings, now, and never with power. He sings like a normal elf, simple and plain.

But he finds he kind of doesn't mind being so different now. He likes being in the background, having a quiet life. Helping Elrond, and living with him. Thankfully Gil-Galad is either in Mandos [or re-embodied in Valinor], because it would be awkward for Elrond [probably] to have someone so obviously in romantic love with him right in front of his 'father'.

When he mentions Gil-Galad, Elrond does sometimes almost get embarrassed.

Thankfully their lives go back to normal after the ring bearer and company depart. While yes their task will change the world potentially, in Rivendell life returns to it's usual rhythm.

This is what Maglor likes. The calm, easy days of endless light summer or light autumn. Eating with Elrond and Glorfindel and Erestor and listening to them all talk. He does not often speak because everyone's always trying to get him to actually eat. It's hard to. He didn't eat before when he haunted the shore. His body is still used to barely eating.

He does try though, and usually eats soup that's specifically made for Elrond [to keep it from being poisoned; who knows who'd want to kill or hurt a kinslayer now, probably everyone; but no one would try to poison Elrond because everyone likes him. Maglor's often thought that is his real gift above being a great healer: his likeability.] Sometimes he tries to eat what's in the soup and not just the broth. He takes his wine as a literal drop of it in water, as he hasn't had that in so long either.

Wine affects him greatly, apparently due to his extreme thinness and having not had it for so many years.

Maglor enjoys seeing them all eat and talk. They are very informal together. It's soothing to be with a group who knows him, and also knows what he did. They all seem to think that his horrible life has been enough of a punishment for his deeds. He hopes that's true.

He's not sure though, because the idea of someone killing Elrond for some stupid jewel would make him never forgive them, so he knows doubly that he himself cannot be forgiven either.

It's hard to be himself a lot of the time. Knowing what he did, of his own free will. Yes, the oath and all that. But still. And now it seems all so silly and pathetic and disgusting, even more than at the time. His hand often hurts, either with real pain or phantom pain. He's kind of forgotten how to socialize, too.

Of course he can be with Elrond, because of their long, deep [appalling but also sweet] history. And Glorfindel is okay too because he's just so odd. For an elf that looks so strong and classically beautiful, he sure is strange.

Maglor himself has said it, that being by Elrond makes him feel the most in control, real, sane, calm. Everything good.

Thankfully Elrond got him through his worry about the earlier dwarves incident -- they come and eventually go after depleting the kitchens greatly. Of course Maglor is seized by worry when they mentioned the 'arkenstone'. Obviously it could be a random amazing stone, but what if it's a silmaril that lava beneath the earth carried to its place now? He hates the idea of a silmaril being accessible to any being at all. But especially elves, obviously.

And especially himself.

Elrond promises him he will look into his gift of foresight specifically for it to see it himself. When he wakes from a special trance, he smiles and Maglor knows he can relax. "It's pretty ugly," he tells him faintly, but happily.

Maglor pulls Elrond's hand up to his own cheek and closes his eyes in relief and shock and joy, tearing up. No one who saw even a still, plain image of a silmaril would say it was ugly. It was glowing with life, almost. They were seductive, incredible, mesmerizing.

There's a reason all those elves refused to give it back. It entranced them, that probably was partially a cause.

After so much constant peace in Rivendell for so long, it had been hard to adjust to the disturbance of the dwarves. In every way. They're very different. And loud, rambunctious, rude and strange.

And the halfing is worse. He knows too much about elven stories. He asks questions about the silmarils and things like that. Of course he acts like it's all ancient history, lost to the mists of time. As if Elrond's famous early life wasn't public knowledge. Maglor can only imagine how many elves were keen to ask him about his 'horrific childhood' as a kidnapped victim of the evil murderers.

He had warned the twins before they went to Gil-Galad that that was what they should expect, so they should come up with a story palatable to anti-Feanorean elves and stick to it. Of course the truth was complex. Both boys had had probably the most spoiled childhood of any elves ever in literal history. Maglor had tried to make it so, and also knew somehow that his own soul hung in the balance.

He had been desperate to find a way out of the violence, the suffering, and his own suffering, too. The boys had been his own reprieve. Maglor, like his family, was very wealthy with many supporters and banner men. Everyone knew that the twins were Maglor's obsession. They were treated like they were Valarian kings, not even mere elf rulers. Though they were so spoiled, their own intrinsic goodness prevented them from being ruined in character by it.

'Lindir' makes sure to stay as far away from Bilbo as possible. He and Elrond have agreed it's best for Maglor to not hear anything relating to his actual life, so no mentions of anything about the Noldor, the ships, where all the events happened [a long list], his family, the names of people he killed or were killed by his family's forces, obviously the silmarils, Elrond's life, oaths, kinslaying, his father, the star of the stolen silmaril that's now in the hands of Elrond's real father.

It's a long list.

It takes forever until the dwarves leave. ... And then afterwards eventually the halfing returns to Rivendell, to live. To live!

He's not thrilled. Now he has to avoid him all the time. Elrond seems to enjoy his company, though, so he doesn't mind too much.

Maglor's gotten used to his 'new' life. No more starving on the seashore. Or in the forest by the sea. Now he has a lot of things to do:
-let Elrond look at his hand
-do his arm exercises that Elrond says he should do since he didn't use his arm for so long [due to the hand issue]
-sleep in an actual bed
-take baths
-loiter around Elrond for most of the day
-help do paperwork
-play and sing for Glorfindel if he seems like he's in one of his sad moods
-help Erestor with paperwork if he wants it
-eat meals with the group or just Elrond [well, for Maglor it's less 'eat' and more like 'try some broth', but he still enjoys not being alone]
-talk with Elrond all the time
-cut his own hair off in a fit once in a while
-have low days
-rarely have energy

They've got a lot of time to make up for. After so long apart, he likes to hear his voice. To look at him. Leaving his little [okay, he was not extremely young when they first parted, but still] child was very difficult. Especially since he knew he had only a grim fate in store for himself, and he would never see Elrond again. But now he finally can enjoy being with him even more than he did before.

It's easy to be this other person, this 'Lindir'. He likes being boring and uninteresting and safe. He likes getting to be close to Elrond. It's as if he's free, like he's gotten to be another person, discarding his real life. He never wanted his life, the oath, the killing. Yes he did it, but he hated all of it.

He wants to enjoy things and also play his harp sometimes. Now he finally gets to do that.

It's easy to slip into this character and call Elrond 'my lord' in front of other people. He used to call both of them 'my little lord' all the time, actually, when they were young.

Elrond has it much easier because he's always called Maglor what he taught him to call him: my friend. It seemed much safer than the offensive options of 'father' or other family terms like uncle or brother. Those were beyond the pale, even for a kinslayer.

Well, the whole 'Lindir' thing, it's not really a character. Not all of it.

It doesn't bother him to call Elrond that. He's been ruling his heart since he was a tiny half-elven boy standing at a waterfall. Also he really is as anxious as 'Lindir' is. It's just how he is now. The old him would be appalled to see the current him, he knows. But that's just how it is. He's been severely affected by everything, by his past.

As Elrond's highest 'servant', and servant literally in a sense too ie that he would do anything for his little child, 'Lindir' has to wear fancy robes and some jewelry to show his status as Elrond attendant.

Thankfully the elves in middle earth are not very into the extensive jewels and fashion of Maglor's youth. Elrond himself barely ever wears adornment of any kind, only if others of import come into their little city and the people around him make sure he's dressed appropriately. That is Erestor and the Feanorean supporters.

So Maglor gets to avoid it too, which he enjoys. He wants his new life, this current one, to be different from his youth. He likes the pragmatic focus of Rivendell, the lack of pomp and pretension. The peoples living there all seem to understand that this is the unofficial 'culture' of Imladris. He knows it's really just Elrond's preference.

Only Glorfindel goes around bedecked in crazy outfits and jewels when the mood takes him. [Apparently when he re-appeared, Elrond had Gil-Galad help him create a collection of clothes and jewels for him.] Everyone though sees this as a strange hobby of his, and probably cannot imagine a world where most looked like that just for fun, daily.

Most elves here never saw the two trees, so their 'glow' or aura, or light, is far less than Glorfindel's. Maglor's light is so dimmed by the oath, his evil deeds, his suffering, his period of madness, the burning of the silmaril on his hand and soul, all of it, that it's easy for him to pass as a 'regular' young elf that's only seen middle earth.

It's from that alone that he knows he was inches from death before Elrond saved him. He's told Maglor that he cut off his hair [it was unsalvageable, and also he wanted to make sure his scalp was okay], but he was asleep for so long that it all grew back in the interim.

Sometimes he has fits, even later on, and hacks his hair off. He has to. It feels like he has little control over it, he has to get it off him permanently.

It must be his body associating it with him being sick before, Elrond hypothesizes to him.

His life has lots of nice parts now. Clean water is nice, as are hot drinks. Anything at all is pretty impressive. Food is nice too, but he likes how soft his bed and blankets are; also having a roof is very enjoyable. And he likes when Elrond gives him little things.

It's nice on multiple levels. It feels weird to be taken care of, to get a gift, to have things, to be comfortable, to have someone love him. To be given his soup all the time. It's more about the symbolism of the giving than whatever Elrond actually gives him. Maglor likes to handpick flowers sometimes and put them in Elrond's room, and his own, too. He had his people do that when Elrond was a child.

It's hard for Maglor to relax about anything. From Elrond actually thinking kindly of him, to no one trying to kill him, he can't believe it, any of it. It's just so improbable. Since when does he get mercy? Since when do Feanoreans not just suffer and die?

But he gets this whole life now. He enjoys it. Maglor mainly stays inside, not feeling comfortable with his old habit of living in nature. It connotes madness and suicide to him now.

Elrond cannot leave Rivendell due to his ring, so it's easy to hide his desire to stay safely hidden in Elrond's private block of rooms since 'Lindir' is his close attendant. He's just always with Elrond which is very normal ... he's not lurking secretly so no one tries to stab him in revenge. Which is what's really happening.

Of course he does like to be with Elrond. He just wishes it wasn't also due to security concerns.

Some elves in Imladris who don't know who he is think he's in love with Lord Elrond or obsessed with him to some crazy degree. ... Well, those are pretty close to the truth, really. He and Elrond have a very strong bond. They can speak mind to mind very easily and deeply, especially since Maglor is free of his oath and his madness, now.

-------------------------

From parties to more parties, Glorfindel has enough energy for about thirty of these normal, low-born elves.

Maglor envies these young ones, himself. How lovely it would be to be one of them. He could be Lindir, truly. A no one, of no importance. Ignored just by virtue of being uninteresting, not powerful, not notable.

But no, he is not only famous, he's infamous. For too many reasons, most of them his fault.

Elrond always has hot water bottles for him because of how cold he is all the time. He spends a lot of his days wrapped up in blankets with them ... even in Rivendell's temperate weather. He dresses very warmly, in many layers, especially if he leaves Elrond's private rooms, though even inside them he likes his blankets. The warmth helps him rest easier at night, too. Unlike normal elves, Maglor still needs enormous amounts of rest.

"It seems like yesterday you were a little boy," Maglor tells him one random day. "And yet it also seems like a million years ago."

Elrond glances up from his papers, and smiles with his whole face. "I feel that way too."

They have many nice days. He grows to love Imladris very much, and not just because it's Elrond's. He wonders at first if Glorfindel will protest at him being so close physically to Elrond, for no one truly knows their history but them. But he does not. Eventually he actually tells him he thinks it's good he's there -- because if someone tries to kill Elrond he'll kill them first with no hesitation.

He can hear the implication: as a kinslayer, he will be willing to kill an elf, where a regular elf might hesitate to do such a deed.

He'd nodded then. "I have no lower to sink. And killing in defense of him is no stain on me, in my opinion."

Glorfindel had agreed. "I finally have some backup," he'd joked, and Maglor had been pleased.

The only thing he doesn't like, other than that he's himself [and that Morgoth and his servants exist obviously], is that Elrond truly does not care for being an elf sometimes. He'll say some random thing and Maglor can almost sense it, that he thinks his brother made the right choice. And that he made the wrong one.

This upsets him very much. Elrond is not just the person who revived him, who brought him back to life and cured his madness. He's also his son.

... Okay 'son' in quote marks, he's his kidnapped child. And he's his only friend. He's the only person alive who really knows him, even more so than any of the Feanorean supporters that are still alive.

Elrond's regard makes him able to feel something other than depression, despair, darkness. ... He didn't have to go to the void or everlasting darkness to experience it. He felt it while he was at the shore. Maglor had longed to die and yet the sea kept throwing him back. It was terrible.

Elrond caring for him makes him feel like he can focus on something other than himself and his pain. And the fact that he's a murderer. And also that his entire family is dead and he assumes will not be re-embodied ever. And all the other bad stuff that makes up his life.

"I want to say something terrible," he tells Elrond one day, who looks at him, listening. They both do this sometimes; they did even when Elrond was young. They both shared how they felt.

"I almost wish you'd left me by the sea, isn't that so ungrateful to say," Maglor adds. "It's just so hard sometimes, knowing what I did. And having to live, knowing it."

Elrond shrugs. "It is a hard thing to choose between two hard roads."

Maglor breathes in and out slowly. "Can I ask about you," he says.

They both know this means 'ask something potentially upsetting to Elrond due to how they wiped their city off the map and destroyed his family several times over'. It means 'do you have the energy for that'?

Elrond nods.

"Did you, do you ever wish I hadn't ... wanted you both, taken you?" he asks.

That is, do you wish we'd slaughtered you. Or less dramatically, somehow delivered them to other elves that weren't Feanorean.

"Hmm," Elrond says, clearly contemplating it. "I would say no. I have enjoyed being alive. And I think life with you was better than it would have been with someone else. Because you cared, but random elves wouldn't have. It would have been -- empty. No love. That would be hard. At least we were loved. ... It can be annoying, to have my past and history, but not enough that I would forsake life for Mandos. Or anything beyond. But my brother, I do not know what he would say."

Elrond looks sorrowful. "Would you play some songs about him, but with no words?" he requests, and Maglor does. He too is very devastated that Elros is gone, his little child.

Glorfindel rolls by later and says, "What's with the sad lays? What about some happy songs?"

"You just don't appreciate real music," Elrond tells him, deliberately trying to bait him.

"I do too," he defends, looking at Maglor. "Who thinks that, you?"

"No," Maglor tells him, amused.

"Some people just don't have taste," Elrond adds, and they argue over it. He likes to listen to it. It's almost like listening to him and Elros talk and play. How sad that he'll never see that again.

He thinks of how afraid they were to see him, the first time. How frightened. He tossed his sword aside and took off his armor to prove they could come to him.

How it destroyed him to have them cower away from him. As if he were so truly evil there was no hope left. As if he were Morgoth himself.

He needed their love, acceptance, everything. It's the only thing that let him relax. He needed them more than they needed him, which few would understand, given that they would have starved and been tortured and killed if he hadn't stolen them.

"Sometimes I wish I could have a fake name too," Elrond tells him later that day, at dinner. Maglor tries his soup as Elrond eats some bread.

It's just the two of them, as everyone else is either busy or eating with other people. Thankfully the halfing seems to be getting so old that he rarely takes up lots of Elrond's time like he did before.

While he does want Elrond to enjoy his friend, he prefers to be with him, obviously. And to have Glorfindel around too, a lot.

"What name would you want?" he asks Elrond. "And why?"

"Because I get tired of being me," Elrond says. "I don't know what my new name could be though."

Maglor understands. Elrond has told him before that he and Elros did what he'd told them to: they told all the elves in Lindon that they'd been freed from their 'imprisonment'. Few asked them about it, afraid to have them revisit bad memories.

Of course the people following Maglor and his brother know that's not true, and even now they keep the secret. None have ever said the truth -- that Maglor loved them more than he loved himself, his family, anyone. That even his brother loved them, despite his madness and extreme pain. They were not captives, they were given everything Maglor had, everything he could give them. That they wanted to stay with them, kind of, but also knew they couldn't forever.

"Maybe something about healing," Maglor questions, but Elrond shakes his head.

"It can't be a clue, it has to be random," he explains. "Actually, it's too bad you picked 'Lindir', because that would be great for me."

"But you are good with singing," Maglor points out, and he laughs.

"Not compared to a real singer," he argues merrily. "Not unless it's a healing song. Also, I don't really like to sing."

"Treachery," Maglor says melodramatically, to make him smile. "I'd say where did I go wrong, except for the obvious. I suppose you are too wise and practical for the unimportant crafts like performing for art's sake."

Of course they both know what they both aren't mentioning. That Maglor is so good at singing that he can kill with it. He can destroy elves and monsters too [and he did], like how Lady Galadriel can with her great [but slightly different] power.

Maglor was always pushing the twins to be creative, to learn about art, music, beauty. Things that had no practical purpose in their lives during wartime and an unsafe environment. And his brother pushed for them to learn basic skills, warfare, evasion, strategy. So they forever would argue, even in front of the children [discuss, not argue] which was more important.

Maglor gets more letters. Instead of condemning him for the kinslaying [and stealing children] the letters now only talk of his singing. People who had written to him to curse him for his evil now beg him to sing at their parties. It would make him laugh, if he didn't hate the fact that he is truly evil.

That is hard to live with. He can never make it right, or be forgiven, or do penance. Sure the Valar said he could come and had already suffered and repented but it doesn't feel like that. He feels like he's in limbo forever.

Glorfindel is fun to spend time with in this respect. He is very fun and lively and always up to something or doing something or talking about something that matters naught but is entertaining. Though he has been sorely tried upon returning to Aman in the sense that he can no longer make up crazy, outlandish lies about Valinor since their household and people are now all in it.

His pleasure at jokes of this nature was also dulled a little before after Maglor was in Rivendell and awake, finally. Because he knew he had an equal, in a way. Maglor is older than him and knows more of first age Valinor than he did.

Earendil writes him many letters after telling Elrond to ask him if he could. Maglor said fine, as it might help Earendil heal. Elrond doesn't like it but acquiesces, since he's okay with it.

He takes the time to read them carefully, since he especially is owed it. Maglor does also write back to people affected by his own part in the kinslayings, but not to other people. He tells Earendil general things, and lets Elrond know what he's saying, and what he's replying with. Not that Elrond is asking for it, but still.

"I wish I could do something to really fix what I have done," he says idly one night as they look at the stars together.

"I don't know," Elrond replies. "I think a lot of what was done cannot solely be laid on you. Your father's misuse of you is not your fault. Neither is my mother's wicked keeping of the jewel. Or Luthien and her son's keeping of it. They all knew what they were doing. They were thieves."

He blinks. It's creepy to hear Elrond speak as though he were a hardcore Feanorean. "Of course outright endless blood is a little much," he adds, dryly. "But still, when one deals with a violent enemy, and proceeds from pride and vanity alone, one has signed up for death willingly."

It's strange to have his family described like Morgoth, but if the shoe fits.

They all knew when the one ring was destroyed, because a sense of magic faded from Rivendell. It's frightening even now to know Elrond's ring is less powerful.

It's funny, after so long living under the protection of Elrond's ring and power, it's eerie to have it partially removed. It makes him nervous.

Unfortunately after this incident, Galadriel uses magic to speak to Elrond, asking him if 'Lindir' is willing to come help her 'sing' down a tower of the enemy. Lindir doesn't know what to say. That would mean leaving Rivendell. He thinks of it as home, now.

He used to think of home as being in Aman. With all his brothers. That seems like another person's life now. He knows Artanis helped Elrond find him on the beach, so he does owe her. Also for the whole 'refraining from trying to kill me in revenge' thing too.

And he does hate the enemy.

Yes, Maglor is aware that he ruined his own life. But the enemy started it all. He took everything from the family of Feanor. Even sanity.

Elrond is extremely upset about this whole idea of him leaving. Glorfindel suggests he go with him, but 'Lindir' can't let that happen. He needs to be with Elrond; that's why the valar sent him back. Maglor would just worry the entire time about Elrond's safety.

Finally they compromise. Galadriel will come and fetch him herself, and bring him with her personally. Her great power will be able to protect him. And he will travel with some warriors from Imladris. He uses a glamor [that Elrond makes] so no one, including her, can see what he looks like. Elrond's power is greater than hers when he chooses to use it. She does not speak to Maglor directly, just to his group, which he likes. This is not about her forgiving him or his family, it's about elves working together against the enemy.

She tells Elrond privately that she will make sure he does not get hurt, because she knows he'll [metaphorically] kill her if Maglor is injured. Elrond admits that he doesn't know what he would do, but he doesn't want to find out. He's got so much trauma about being abandoned by family and family dying that he doesn't want to jar himself in that fashion.

Her people, led by her husband, seize the tower and kill all the evil ilk inside and around it. Then she goes with Maglor to it [with soldiers that have no problem with his record] and he sings the tower down. She lends him her strength in the magical way, allowing him to make his song even more powerful, and she sings too. She has great power.

She truly is a student of Melian and the valar, but he made music his only goal for his entire life [almost ... except for the murder part, but even then he was still also using singing to kill and hurt people]. She has great magical power, yes, and other powers, but all of his power is just in one place: music.

Also, she has to constantly use her power to protect Lothlorien, whereas he hasn't used up any of his own power since he and his brother killed the guards of the silmaril near Eonwe. He's just been recovering since then, and only used his voice to help Frodo recover in the sickroom.

Sometimes he is tormented by images and thoughts of the people he killed. His mind will play their deaths in an endless loop. He can't eat or sleep, it's horrible.

He finishes his work, and turns around to see her people shocked and in awe. Almost none of them remember the old days; many are young. They look at him and are openly afraid [his own people from Imladris are too, but they hide it better because Elrond warned them]. They have probably only known their lady as a source of power for so long, he thinks, and draws his hood over his head.

Galadriel speaks into his mind to tell him that she's already told Elrond that they are fine, and their task is done. He thanks her. She seems almost hesitant to talk to him, and he feels the same way. They don't have a good history.

She escorts him [and his bodyguards from Imladris] back to Lothlorien as her people continue cleansing the stones on the ground, which is all that's left of the tower. Elrond told her that she had to ensure Maglor was with her always, for his protection. Thankfully her husband doesn't seem to want to start anything with him, and Galadriel keeps Maglor away from all the other elves except his escort -- mostly Rivendell elves, specifically chosen for their lack of desire for Feanorean blood. Yet themselves not Feanorean, so as not to provoke Celeborn and his people.

After a day of rest, he goes home. The group is led by Erestor, because all agreed that Glorfindel must stay at home with Elrond. As Erestor is the top administrator and runner of Rivendell, he can only imagine how much chaos there is at home right now.

So off they go, and he's so very happy to be home when they get there. Elrond isn't out waiting to greet him, because he gets too emotional over Maglor -- and he can't do it in public, it would look crazy. They all know that. He whispers into Maglor's mind with magic instead, and he feels relief to hear it once more.

Glorfindel is there, though, and cheerfully greets them all. There is a pall over the city, as the lack of Elrond's ring's power means there is less magical protection. It's easily felt somehow. Elrond's power as a partial maia still holds around their settlement, but that is much weaker and smaller than a ring of power.

Erestor immediately starts complaining about how he's sure Glorfindel and Elrond have left him all the paperwork and goes off to double check it all. He's a little fusspot.

He's also the highest servant of Tylpe who listened to Galadriel, Gil-Galad and Elrond re Annatar being evil and broke with Tylpe and came to serve Elrond instead. So he is not really seen as Feanorean, exactly. He's vaguely, partially, a little bit connected. But not, at the same time.

So the normal elves like him, and the Feanorean supporters like him too.

Finally Maglor gets to rest, back in his rooms with Elrond. Glorfindel carries him there, which is very nice. He is tired. It was so stressful to be out, as he hasn't left Rivendell for so long. He missed being at home, with Glorfindel cuddling him. He missed eating meals with everyone.

He missed his music, the normal kind. He even missed Rivendell itself, the sounds of the environment and the waterfalls. The wind and bird song. Everything.

He missed the awkward moments when the Feanorean supporters are making Elrond's bed, or cleaning his sink, or gathering up the tea time dishes and accidentally make eye contact with him. He always looks away at once, chagrined.

To be honest, he's been very [and is very] surprised none of them have punched him in the face. And that's just for starters. Look where their support of his house got them.

But they don't, they just pretend he's 'Lindir' and are nice to him. He can't look any of them in the face still. He's too ashamed. One of many regrets.

It was so upsetting to be in battle again, off with Galadriel, not that he doesn't hate the enemy, but it reminds him of the other times, when things were bad. And also the other times when he was the one who was the monster, not some evil monster god-spirit. Him.

Elrond sits with him as he falls asleep, or unconscious, more like.

After he rests for a long time, Elrond gets him to take a bath. He still doesn't really think of normal things, like baths and meals. He went for so long without anything that it doesn't occur to him.

By the time he finally pays attention to music in Imladris he finds that they've branched out after all these ages. Classic Noldor music is rarely sung -- instead everyone has combined music and dance from many different cultures and regions. It's interesting, but Maglor prefers his own genre at first. [Later things change for him.]

Also, this new music lot of it has dance in it, which he's never cared for especially.

Elrond likes this new mismash of genres, so that's nice for him. He sits and listens while Glorfindel dances with the crowd to it.

It takes many years, but Maglor is finally able to play his harp with a shadow of his real enthusiasm. And happy songs too; nuanced ones, ones of all emotions. Glorfindel sometimes asks him to play even when he's not in the doldrums, and he does. He hasn't played like this since he got [ ... stole] Elros and Elrond.

Before that he couldn't play for a long time, for obvious reasons, unless it was to soothe his own brother's pain, of course [Nelyo, that is].

Brothers are hard to think about in general. Even now, it hurts to think of Elros' name. How he is gone forever.

Sometimes Elrond asks Glorfindel to stay with him [instead of himself] because he's having an 'upset' day. Ie, upset with Maglor and what he did to him and his life. Weirdly he's more upset with him going after the last silmarils than he is that he attacked the havens. [Though in his defense, he never hid that from him, he told him their ... situation would be the ruin of him and his brother [who was already so ill and hurt], which is why he sent him to Lindon.]

He's told him the list is, from worst to less worst [but still bad]: not being able to come with him to Lindon, going after the last two silmarils, Doriath, then the havens attack, then the original attack in Aman for the boats.

Maglor understands. He feels that way about himself, and he'd love to take a break from being himself and be someone else [like 'Lindir', but for real]. Unfortunately, all he can do is knock himself unconscious with some medicine.

He and Glorfindel get closer somehow, and Maglor starts writing a lot of music again. Glorfindel wants the regular minstrels to play it all the time, so Maglor says okay. ... He also wants to pick out their outfits for when they play some of the pieces at the festivals they have.

He gets to veto Glorfindel's ideas if he wants, since it's his music, but to be honest he likes Glorfindel's deranged fashion ideas.

Elrond and he have discussed it before, that Glorfindel seems to desperately want to be creative. So Maglor encourages this situation, and tries to keep his shock at the wild outfits Glorfindel comes up with under wraps.

They are not elven styles or clothes, or that of any race or creature he has ever heard of. Where Glorfindel gets these ideas he'll never know. He works with the weavers and clothes makers to have his vision come alive, and actually seems really happy doing it. Maglor can now see how unhappy he was before, now that he's flourishing like this.

Sometimes he still has fits. The pain can be so overwhelming that he tries to drown himself. Yes, Elrond will be annoyed at him, sure. But the real issue of the problem of his continued existence will be over, for everyone. He's so tired of living sometimes.

But inevitably someone fishes him out of the water, unfortunately. Sometimes whoever it is has to force the water out of his lungs, which is not fun.

Elrond never yells at him about it, which is nice of him. His attempts at drowning are sometimes the only way he can keep himself alive, even though that sounds like a paradox. It's like a relief, a momentary stop to the pain he lives in. [Not his physical pain but his emotional pain.] Even if it's just the idea he could cease to exist, it's a relief to pursue it.

He's never asked Elrond if he and Elros wanted [or tried] to run away when they were children. Because they'd both be upset [due to the mention of Elros] and also because Maglor would be upset. And he does not want to upset Elrond, obviously. That's very painful for him.

Glorfindel seems to sometimes think he's stupid due to doing this [the drowning], and will lecture him slowly about how 'water is bad' so he should 'avoid it!'

He can't though. He needs the outlet, the illusion that the pain will stop. Or could.

Glorfindel seems weirdly invested in his health, which is just odd.

Elrond lets none of the ainur or valar or maiar in to Rivendell since they could decide to do something about Maglor [Gandalf is the exception].