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Kaylynn Langerak - Winter, Year One - Pleasantview
Kaylynn Langerak looked up as the tinny sound of her doorbell echoed through her tiny apartment. Her brow furrowed as she glanced at the door. Kaylynn didn’t speak to her neighbors, and she wasn’t expecting anyone to come by.
She folded down the corner of the page on her book and set it on the plywood table in front of her next to the newspapers she hadn’t thrown out yet. She glanced at the bulletin board she’d hung near the door to make sure she hadn’t forgotten some previously agreed upon social outing, but there were no notes mixed in with the takeout menus and receipts and coupons she’d pinned there.
She’d had a few long days and nights recently, but even so, it wasn’t like her to forget the rare appointment she ended up having. She sighed as she got up off the couch. Padding over to the door, she glanced through the peephole and immediately had to suppress a grimace.
No, she’d definitely not forgotten any social obligation with him.
Gritting her teeth and forcing herself to not roll her eyes immediately, she opened the door.
“What do you want?” she couldn’t quite keep the bitterness out of her tone.
With the sound of the door clicking open, Daniel Pleasant turned back towards her and pulled out his most charming smile.
She stared back, a blank look plastered on her face. Frankly, she was proud of herself for that, since somewhere in the back of her mind, that stupid smile still made her feel a certain type of way. The fact that she kept that off her face was nothing short of a miracle, which was more irritating than the man standing in front of her.
“Daniel.” She narrowed her eyes, “What. Do. You. Want.”
It wasn’t really a question. She was sure whatever answer he had would make her want to wring his stupid neck.
“Kay!” He smiled brilliantly and she steeled herself.
“I didn’t think you’d answer the door to be honest…” He trailed off.
“I could still change my mind.” She didn’t quite sneer, but it was a near thing.
“No… No!” He held his hands up in surrender and then added, “Don’t do that. Please…” There was a slight whine to his voice at the end, and she almost rolled her eyes. At this point, it was hard not to be tired of taking care of adults who insisted on acting like children.
“I just… I wanted to apologise.”
She gave him a blank stare. An apology at this point was the opposite of impressive. Words from Daniel meant nothing. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t heard them before. There were a million times before she’d heard the empty words Daniel knew how to weave into believable regret. She’d heard them every time one of his family had almost walked in on them; she’d heard them the time he’d said he’d leave his wife after her birthday or after summer when the girls were back in school or after the holidays. If she’d learned nothing over three years, she’d learned that Daniel was excellent at stringing words together into pretty lies and excuses.
Kaylynn had heard them too many times though. The last time she’d heard them, 10 months ago after Mary-Sue had found out about their indiscretions and had told Kaylynn’s boss. She was tired of hearing the same five words from Daniel Pleasant.
“I mean it Kay…” Daniel paused, “Really. I don’t want anything from you. I don’t even expect you to forgive me or anything. I just… I really am sorry.”
She chewed on her cheek, one hand on the door handle ready to slam it in his face. Daniel stood silently, looking like a pathetic stray animal. Finally, she sighed.
“Do you want to come in?” she forced herself not to grimace when she said it, “No funny business. And you can’t stay. But it’s cold out. You standing there is letting out all the heat.”
To be honest, she couldn’t really afford the electric bill of him taking up space in her doorway. Though that would have been solved just as easily by her slamming the door after all.
He smiled again, and much to her horror, it melted part of the ice cold demeanor she’d managed to keep up.
“Don’t do that.” She bit out, “I’m not forgiving you. But I’ll hear what you have to say.”
She moved out of the way of the door and motioned towards the tattered couch in her living area, “Go. Sit down. I’ll grab drinks.”
As much as she didn’t want to invite any camaraderie that came with giving him a beer, she needed a moment, and it was a good excuse. She padded over to the kitchenette and centered herself as she opened the fridge door.
She could manage to deal with him for half an hour. She could listen to his pleas and nonsense without causing a scene. She wouldn’t fall for his bullshit another time, and she was fairly certain that she wouldn’t punch him in the throat.
She glanced over at him sitting calmly on her couch, smiling happily due to the ground she’d ceded. She forcibly unlocked her jaw from where she’d ground her teeth together. She probably wouldn’t punch him.
It didn’t seem to matter what she did, or how withering the glances she threw at Daniel were, he was still sitting on her worn out couch, looking entirely too pleased that he’d gotten through the front door. He was, at the very least, looking awkwardly at his hands, rather than meet her glare. So at least she could say he wasn’t comfortable.
She watched him size up her flat and fail to keep the pitying grimace off his face. Luckily for him, he was smart enough not to say anything out loud. She already knew her flat was a dump. She had barely any furniture, and what she did have was found at garage sales and thrift stores in the half off piles. Nothing matched. And that didn’t even count in the fact that the flat itself was outdated. The carpet was stained, and the appliances were from at least a decade prior. The walls were concrete, painted to look like they were new. And she’d been using what would constitute as junk to anyone else as most of her surfaces. Sure, she had a cheap coffee table she’d found at a Walmart, but her other tables consisted of old boxes and grocery crates she’d gotten from Brandi after the woman had saved them on the side after one of her shifts. It wasn’t as if she liked living here. But that was what happened when your name was dragged through the mud of every agency in your line of work. That was what happened when you made the mistake of sleeping with the local congresswoman’s husband behind her back. It was why Daniel of all people had no room to judge her current living situation.
Kaylynn knew she’d made her mistakes. They’d had their consequences. And she was here, living in the deep end of those consequences. Daniel on the other hand, still had a nice house on the hill with five bedrooms and a two car garage. She’d accepted that she’d made her own bed, but that didn’t make his lack of consequence any less infuriating. Especially when the man was sitting in front of her sneering at her furniture choices.
She glided over, interrupting his strange absorption with her flat by dropping the beer she’d grabbed him in front of him on the cheap wood table. She watched him jump and his eyes jump to the can, and she barely held back an eye roll as he eyed the drink with the same unwilling hesitation.
She sat on the other mismatched couch and stared at him expectantly. He had a simple stupid choice to make. Drink the stupid canned beer he probably hadn’t touched since college, or get on with whatever stupid thing he had to say.
“Right… uh…” His voice caught awkwardly. She watched him search for whatever words he’d had planned out and come up short. “... You look nice with your hair down, by the way. You should wear it like that more often, Kay.”
She gave him an unimpressed look, “You don’t get to call me that.”
A look of confusion passed through his features.
“Kaylynn.” She raised a brow, “My friends are allowed to call me Kay.”
Her eyes slid away, looking at the beer he hadn’t yet touched. What a waste.
“We aren’t friends anymore, Daniel.”
He flinched visibly. Had he really expected her not to be mad anymore? Had he expected to waltz over to her house after ten months and for her to just forgive him with open arms? Like he deserved sympathy and pity? Mary-Sue had kicked her out of the house, and after looking at the situation in hindsight, she couldn’t really blame the woman. Kaylynn had probably ruined her marriage. But Daniel had stayed. He still had a home and a job and a family for him. She had nothing left from their combined choices. If he expected sympathy, he’d come to the wrong place.
“Fine.” She watched his jaw lock. It was obvious he was angry about the slight, “ Kaylynn. ”
“I’m trying to apologise. Again.” Her eyes narrowed at that again. Like he’d truly ever apologised.
“I don’t know who you’re trying to stall for.” She said loftily, “I have limited patience at the moment, Daniel.”
“Okay, Okay. Look, I’m sorry. ” He huffed, “I hate how we left things, okay? Between you and me.”
She fought to keep her face impassive. That was his idea of an apology?
“All of that was a nightmare event, okay?” He continued, “And I’m sorry for my part in it. I’m trying to turn my life around, you know?”
She closed her eyes for a moment. She couldn’t decide between crying or laughing at that sorry excuse for regret. Maybe she’d just skip both and finally punch him. Instead, she grit her teeth and gave him the most contemptuous look she could manage.
“I… I mean it?” He added.
“Is that all you have?” she raised a brow again.
“I mean… I…”
“Daniel.” She pursed her lips for a moment, “At some point, you’re going to have to grow up.”
She watched his previous anger rise back to the surface behind his eyes, so she pushed forward before he could interrupt.
“Do you really think that’s an apology?” She glared at him again, standing. The added height over him gave her the confidence to continue.
“ That is not an apology.” She said, “What are you looking for here? “You’re sorry for ‘your part’ in that nightmare? I didn’t have a job for six months, Daniel . I can’t work in this town anymore. People call me horrible names in the street when I go to get groceries. And they’re right. But you’re the one who cheated on your wife. I loved you! And you lied to me for years . you’re sorry for your part of that nightmare? You’re the whole damn nightmare, Daniel!”
His mouth hung open like a fish as he stared at her.
“What are you here for?” She frowned down at him, “I know I made bad choices. But you, you won’t even take any real credit will you? You led me on for three years , Daniel. And you knew it. You were never going to leave your wife. I’ve heard how you groveled at her feet, you know. Told her and everyone else how it was just a stupid mistake, that I meant nothing to you.”
She could feel herself losing her traction as she continued, “and you know, at least you were right there. It was a stupid mistake. It was a mistake to trust you. I stupidly believed that you were a good person under all that….” she waved vaguely in his direction, “... that mess!”
He stood suddenly from the couch, and knocked the beer over in his haste. He didn’t even spare a second glance at it as it spilled off the table and onto her carpet below. Voice raised, he pointed at her, “You were there too you know! I’m the one who has a family who hates me because of all that! What did you lose? I’m here, trying to apologise, and you’re going to make all this my fault?!”
“Go apologise to your wife then.” Kaylynn said icily, “God knows I should. You’re trying to turn your life around? Great. Good for you. Congratulations. So what are you doing here then?”
“I just figured we could smooth things out and get some closure Kay!”
“Closure? Closure, Daniel?” She gave a short laugh, “I am past that. It’s been months. I know everything is over Daniel. I don’t need your stupid fucking closure. I’m so sorry you just now realized that all of this wasn’t right.” Her eyes burned and she screwed them shut. She wouldn’t cry over this man again. Not in front of him.
He reached for her for a second before pulling his hand back.
“Get out of my flat, Daniel.” She pointed at the door.
“Wait…”
“No, Daniel.” she looked at the ceiling, hoping that the angle would stop the unshed tears from falling for now. She blinked two– three– four times before looking back. “I’m done waiting for you. I’ve been done.”
He stood frozen in front of her.
“I mean it, Daniel. Get out. ” She watched him give up the fight and slump slightly. He finally seemed to realize there was no reason for him to be in her home. Whatever his reason for coming was, clearly it wasn’t working.
He walked over to the door quietly. As he grabbed the door handle, she spoke one last time.
“...And Daniel?” she knew he heard her from the way he paused. She could feel the anger she’d had dissipate completely then, replaced with only exhaustion. “just… don’t come back…please.”
She watched his shoulders drop even further, and she didn’t have the heart to care that she’d gotten his hopes up. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t ever done that to her. He sighed quietly and turned the knob.
“Sure, Kay.” He said quietly. And then, blessedly, she was alone in her flat again.
With the door solidly between her and Daniel, Kaylynn took a moment to try to pull herself together. Her shoulders hunched as the tension she’d held while he was in the room fell away in waves. She dug her nails into her palms in an attempt to ground herself, but she could feel herself losing the fight. She leaned, back against the door, and gave one last attempt at holding onto her emotions.
The silence won out though, and she lost what little resolve she had left and crumpled to the floor. The tears she’d been holding back fell in droves as soon as she hit the ground.
She didn’t need closure . She’d known it was over the moment Mary Sue had walked in on them on that cold December afternoon. She’d watched his heart break right in front of her, but it hadn’t been for her.
And that was when she’d known it was the end for them. That was the moment she knew that he would never love her the way he loved Mary. That she was the distraction he needed in his life, but not anything more than that. She had been so convinced until then though. That it was just circumstance, just obstacles in the way. That “ love would find a way ” or whatever those novels talked about, but now she looked back, and only saw how stupid she’d been to believe that. How obvious it must have been to anyone who knew. She could only see what a mistake it had been to fall for him.
But as she sat on the floor of her flat crying silently, it didn’t feel like she knew that.
It didn’t feel like ten months had passed.
It felt like it had happened yesterday.
It felt like she’d frozen in time, and she loved him just as much as she did that day.