Chapter Text
Logan was lying in the bed in the dark as he stared depressingly at the wall above him. He was back in his childhood house back in Florida, and nobody was in the house except him. His parents had gone out to eat and his brother had moved out years ago, his room being a new closet for his mother. Logan believes he had memorized his entire ceiling at this point, every crevice, every bump or scratch. It was the day before his birthday and yet not one of his friends had texted him. He didn’t expect much since his home friends drifted away as he was busy with racing, but he was hoping that maybe just maybe Oscar or Alex would message him. He turned around and stuffed his face against the pillow, pulling the blanket over him as he felt his throat burning once again. Even with the blanket on top of him, he still felt cold and didn’t feel the warm embrace the blanket was supposed to mimic.
His arm left the blanket to get his phone, he tapped on the screen and winced at the bright light of his wallpaper. It was a picture he took of Oscar and him during their Prema days, you can see Fred in the back sleeping. Logan smiled at the picture and looked up for the time, 10:43 pm. He had a few notifications, most of which were spam, but he had three new messages. He clicked on them with a small smile on his face, wishing for someone to talk to him about his birthday. The first two were from his mother and the other was some spam that managed to make his way in his messages. He deleted the spam and opened the ones from his mother,
10:37 pm
Hey hun, the rain got worse and we decided to spend the night at this nearby hotel. It’s really lovely! I think you would love it. Love you.
He hadn’t realized it started raining, the downpour hitting hard on the roof of the house.
10:45 pm
Okay, Be safe. Love you.
Logan went out of messages and decided to open Instagram and he was met with his common feed of his old friends. He checked his DMs just to be met with sponsors and not a single friend. He checked the date again and it very much was December 30th, he viewed some stories and saw people showcasing their fireworks. Logan sighed and closed the app and opened TikTok, he knew it was most likely spyware or whatever but since the days became more and more lonelier he had just wondered what he would lose if he used it. He scrolled on an alt account and saw funny videos accompanied by an edit after that, he tended to see edits of himself and Oscar a lot. He doesn’t understand why but it hurts to see them, maybe because they were a reminder of what they used to be in the past and they actually knew each other back then.
He continued to scroll and scroll till his eyes had started to strain, he turned off his phone and looked at the ceiling once again to help his eyes stop hurting. The rain was still raining but it felt more intense, like it was destroying everything it interacted with. Logan felt like the rain at that moment, how he used to destroy anything he was able to even if he didn’t try to. How he was destroying his career and he couldn’t control it whatsoever, how even trying to get someone to notice him wasn’t working and he ended up flooding and making a mess for everyone else to clean up.
He didn’t even feel the first tears slowly fall down his face and go down his chin.
He cried himself to sleep that night.
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Logan woke up that morning feeling exhausted and his eyes hurt to open, no doubt puffy from last night. He grabbed his phone and realized he never connected it to the charger as his phone was on 9%. He plugged his phone in and saw that he had a few notifications, he smiled as he clicked on them. His smile dropped as he saw that they were mostly promotional things he only got a message from his mother saying that she and her friends were going to hang out for New Year's. He saw the time on the top of his phone which said 1:28 pm which meant he had slept half of his birthday, a half that he should have been celebrating with his friends but he was lying in bed instead.
He got up from his bed and went into his bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror under the harsh fluorescent light. Logan slowly took off each item of clothing, seeing how his body caved in by his ribs and how his arms were skinner than they had ever been. He got into the shower and felt the water run down him before taking some shampoo and running it through his hair. He did his whole routine and even shaved when he exited the shower, he felt younger when he looked in the mirror. Logan felt a bit better than he had before and left the bathroom to his bedroom. Cleaning up a few of the items on the floor and putting clothes in the hamper, he made his bed and saw his phone at a good 67% by that time. He saw a notification from the Formula 1 Instagram account and froze.
It was a series of images of most of the drivers hanging out, eating lunch, going to the arcade, and much more. It wouldn’t have hurt as bad if he saw it on a normal day but for god's sake, it was his birthday! He looked at the images closer and his breath hitched when he saw Ollie there, he had nothing against the kid but it brought out a laugh from him as he realized how fast he got replaced. He looked at his messages again to make sure he didn't miss anything but once again he was left brokenhearted when there were no new chats. He was contemplating even eating but he knew he would only make his trainer disappointed in him for not keeping track of his diet.
Logan got up and went to the kitchen to make something for him to eat, he opened the fridge and viewed what he had before deciding to make himself a grilled cheese. He knew he shouldn’t but he got his phone and looked at the comments of the post as he toasted the sandwich. It's strange that no one mentioned Logan’s birthday, Maybe they were caught up in the excitement of New Year and forgot to wish him a happy birthday.
As he was preparing his grilled cheese sandwich, he realized that he had left the bread on the pan for too long, and it was starting to burn. He quickly moved the bread to a plate, but he couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed that his meal wasn't turning out as he had hoped. As a tear rolled down his cheek, he tossed the sandwich in the trash and made his way to the pantry.
Looking around the kitchen, he noticed a bottle of vodka in the pantry, and even though he knew he shouldn't be drinking, he couldn't resist the temptation. He poured himself a drink and took a sip, feeling a sense of comfort and warmth spread throughout his body. He drank another and another until he just decided to go to his room and drink out of the bottle. It helped to make his mind feel numb and forget about everything that had happened that day.
𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪
“Osc..? I miss you, why don’t we talk anymoree” , Logan whined in the phone receiver. He was laying down on his bed with a bottle of near-empty vodka at his side. “Mmm.. I guess it’s because of Lando huh… or do you just not want to talk to me.” Logan said in a scarily monotone voice before giggling. “ Remember how we use to be in Prema? God- I miss those days so bad.” Logan stayed silent before adding on a , “I love you so much. I sometimes wish I would’ve confessed back then so it wouldn’t hurt so much now.” He let out a giggle as he hanged up the voicemail.
Logan slept that night wishing in another universe they never drifted.