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His partner looked like she had been through hell. Well, maybe she had, he thought bitterly. When he had found her, on that godforsaken ship, he had felt his heart stop. And even now, he couldn't stop the fear from creeping back into his bones.
Sure, they all had their demons, some more than most, but that girl... Whatever she'd done to Nat, whatever she'd forced her to relive, it must have been...unimaginable. His partner had been unresponsive - almost catatonic - when he had found her, and she was still unfocused. In the corner of his eye, he could see her, curled up, tremors running through her body.
He hadn't seen her this bad since Budapest.
He longed to go and comfort her, but first be had to pilot the jet. The farm was the only safe place he had now - most of his safe houses had been on SHIELD files. And he refused to let autopilot do it's job - He was not, EVER, giving Tony Stark the coordinates of the farm. If Ultron had gotten his hands them... He shuddered. No, his first priority was keeping Laura and the kids safe.
Landing the jet was difficult, despite the large amount of space, but he managed it. Rising from the pilot's seat, he softly walked over to where Nat was still seated on the floor, swallowing down his emotions as he bent down to help her up.
She was still shaking, her face pale as snow, and she leaned into his arm. It was bad. His partner rarely reached out for his support, but especially not around the team.
Trying hard not to overanalyze her movements, he gently helped her down the ramp. She let him help her without any complaints - bad. Very Bad.
Damn it. He hated it when the voices in his head were right.
Walking towards the house, he placed his hand on her back, and reached over to support her arm. She was moving without her usual grace, pain and vulnerability clearly written across her face. It killed him to see her like this, so vulnerable. So... young. Sometimes he forgot just how young she really was.
Absentmindedly, he noticed the flaking paint on the porch, adding it to his mental list. He could try to get it done this weekend - It wouldn't take long, after all. If it was still wet when they left, it wouldn't make a difference. Maybe he could do it in the morning.
Looking back at his partner, he realized that that was not an going to be an option. She needed help, support. Although... he wasn't exactly sure what to do. He'd never been good at this. People were Laura's area of expertise.
As they walked into the house, he could see her straighten out of the corner of his eye, in a desperate last minute attempt to pull up her broken walls.
' 'Tasha.' He leaned closer, so that his voice was only a whisper in her ear 'Don't do that. Let us help you.'
She didn't reply, but he felt her soften against his arms. It was a huge act of trust for her, letting the team see her this vulnerable, he knew that but this was her home. Her safe place. Somewhere that she could just be Natasha, with no strings attached. God knows she deserved that, after everything she'd been through.
Calling through the house to Laura, he noticed his partner move to look at Lila's drawings. The new ones were scattered across the table, the bright colors contrasting to the mood. It'd been weeks since they were home, too long, by far. A lot could happen in a few weeks.
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Coming down the stairs softly, the first thing that she noticed were the 6 superheroes in her front room. Really. You'd think that between them, Clint and Nat could have managed a phone call.
Clint smirked in her direction. 'We brought guests.'
She leaned over to brush her lips to his, but immediately pulled back to run her eyes over his body, surveying him for damage. Once she had completed her inspection, she leaned back into him, brushing another kiss to his cheek. 'Nat?'
'She's okay. Ish. It's complicated.'
Frowning at him, she moved with ease over to where Nat had positioned herself. Studying her gently, she took in her tired look, and the tremors that she was trying, but failing, to hide. Her skin was pale, and her eyes had a haunted look to them - another thing that she was failing to hide. She looked like a young girl, who was desperately trying to hide herself. After almost 15 years, it still broke Laura's heart to see how her partner had been affected by all the horrific things which had been done to her.
Nat shot a look in her direction, pulling her from her thoughts. A half-smile ghosted across her lips. 'I'm fine Laur.'
She raised her eyebrows. Fine was not a descriptive word. It could mean all sorts of things. But one thing Laura did know, was that in most definitely did not cover Natasha right now. Looking her partner directly in the eyes, she opened her mouth to say so.
When they made eye contact, Nat shook her head gently, her eyes almost pleading. The message was clear: Not now. Not here.
Looking quickly to Clint, to check that he was fine dealing with the rest of the superheroes (and the children), she ushered Nat upstairs. If nothing else, she needed to shower and change into her own clothes.
Once in their bedroom, she reached over to grab some clothes for Nat. The silence was overwhelming. Unable to bear it any longer, she reached out to her partner.
' Nat... I can tell that you're not ready to talk right now. And you might never be. But I want you to know that I'm here, ok? I will always be here for you.'
Stepping closer, she brushed her thumb over Natasha's pale cheek.
She leaned down to brush a soft kiss to her partners lips, and then paused to embrace her. Immediately, she felt Natasha bring her arms up to return the hug, her arms tightly grasping onto Laura as if she was the only thing keeping her afloat. In an ocean full of tidal waves, sometimes all you could do was grab onto someone else, and hope that they can help.
She felt Natasha shift in her arms, looking up as if she was about to speak.
'I'm going to take a shower. But...' She bit her lip, unable to phrase the next part of her sentence. Laura waited patiently, well adjusted to Natasha's ways. Breathing slowly, she rubbed comforting circles on her partners back, encouraging her to continue speaking. After a while, she continued, her voice barely a whisper. 'I don't want to be alone.'
Tightening her arms as she heard the shake in partner's voice Laura cupped Natasha's face with one hand. 'That's okay Nat. It's okay. Would you like me to join you?'
Choices were important, she reminded herself. Still, if she had her way, she would hold Nat tight and never let her go. Clint had told her that she couldn't protect them both from the world - it wasn't reasonable, and she knew that - but she could damn well try.
Walking into the bathroom, she wondered about the events of her partners' latest mission. Whatever it was, it had thrown Natasha off completely. If she couldn't get an answer from either of them, she could always ask one of the others. There were benefits to having the other avengers in her front room.
Steve, perhaps. He seemed like someone who looked after his teammates.
The sound of the shower brought her back to the present, and she stripped her clothing, stepping behind the curtain to join her partner. As she scanned her eyes across the beautiful body next to her, her eyes were immediately drawn to the bluish-purple bruising that ran across Natasha's left shoulder. Gasping, she ran her fingertips gently across it.
'Nat! You said you were fine! This is NOT fine.'
She looked at the other woman sternly, more worried about her partners mind than the bruising.
'I am fine Laur. It's just bruising. It'll heal.'
She paused, obviously gauging Laura's reaction, before continuing
'I would never lie to you Laur. Never.'
She hesitated, trying to find the words to express her inner turmoil. Love was for children. Natalia Romanova was not a child.
But Natasha Romanoff... Maybe she could be a child. Just for a while. 'Laura... I...' She swallowed, unable to force the words out of her mouth. A tear rollef silently down her cheek, and she squeezed Laura's hand tightly. 'I'm sorry.'
I'm sorry. No, no Nat. Laura bit her lip, to stop herself from blurting out something stupid. She tilted the other woman's head towards her, brushing a soft kiss to Natasha's lips. 'Natasha Romanoff, you have nothing to appologise for.'
Laura's words seemed to break down some kind of internal barrier, and suddenly Natasha was shaking in her arms, clutching at her in a desperate attempt to hold herself together. Her tears ran down her face, only partially obscured by the water, in a way which would have been beautiful if it wasn't so heartbreaking.
Murmuring gentle words into her soft hair, she began to massage her partners back, her light fingers working hard to soothe the knots and tension. Sometimes, she wished that Clint and Natasha were as willing to be helped as their children, she wished that she could stick a band aid over it and kiss all of the pain away. But it had never been that simple - it had taken her years to pull down Natasha's walls, and years for her to trust them enough to let herself be vulnerable.
She was not about to throw that kind of trust away.
It felt like it had been hours, but still she waited, and eventually her partner opened her mouth, to pour out her story. The words came tumbling out, all at once, sometimes barely in the right order, but she grasped her partners hand and held on.
Held on until Natasha had run out of words, and then held on until her tears had dried, and the water was no longer warm. She held on whilst they dried themselves, and changed, and as they went back downstairs to deal with the others. She held on as they made dinner, and long into the evening, after many of the others had gone to bed.
And when they piled into bed, with Natasha in the middle, Clint grasped Nat's other hand as they drifted off to sleep.
Laura was woken several times during the night, by her partner tossing and turning, waking and weeping as the nightmares plagued her. But through it all, they held on.
They would always hold on.