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“You know as a kid I always imagined having a friend who would just appear at night and take my loneliness away.”
Steve stopped with the joint halfway to his mouth. “Huh?”
Eddie sighed, pulling a strand of his hair across his face. “Nevermind, dude. I- I’m just high.”
“Hey, no, no.” Steve sat up and leaned over Eddie who was sprawled out next to him on his bed. “Tell me what you mean…Tell me, please.”
Eddie couldn’t help but gaze at the man above him. The man who had dragged him out of the Upside Down and fought to save his life. The man with which he now shared matching scars with, matching nightmares and matching worries about what the future will hold. Eddie had watched all the way from high school to now the transformation that Steve had gone through. Not just from a bully jock to a kind babysitter, but also from a closed and scared kid to an open and warm man. He had become the type of person Eddie wished he had known when he was younger, before he was introduced to the security and safety of Wayne. Before he had known what familial and romantic love really felt like.
“I just- you know…” Eddie sighed, “When I still lived with my parents…it wasn’t good and- and I was always lonely, wishing for someone to climb through my window and just see me. Just keep me company and keep me from floating away… I wanted someone to remind me that I existed outside of my shitty parents, that I was my own person and that I deserved to have someone who wanted to be around me.”
Steve’s eyes softened, fully understanding what Eddie was talking about. He took a hit of the joint, leaning down and placing his hand on Eddie's jaw. Eddie opened almost reflexively, so used to Steve shotgunning with him that he didn’t find it unusual when their lips brushed. He only wished those lips would touch his without the presumption of weed.
When Eddie breathed out the smoke, Steve spoke, “I know what you mean…god do I know what you mean.” Steve pulled back a little but still close enough that Eddie could smell the weed on his breath. “All those years in that big house with my parents traveling wherever they wanted without a care in the world that they had a son at home…yeah I get the feeling of wanting someone else there. Someone to just be there in the same space with the hope of that aching loneliness going away.”
“Yeah...yeah exactly.” Eddie replied, the warmth of Steve clouding his mind.
Steve brushed his fingers down the scar on Eddie’s cheek, treating him with such care and reverence that Eddie thought he might cry. “That’s why I like coming here, I like how cozy and alive everything is in your room.”
Eddie looked through the haze of smoke at the posters on his wall and the D&D books on his shelf. He had begun filling his room up as soon as he moved in with Wayne, in the hopes that the abundance of memories attached to each item would remind him that he wasn’t a scared little kid anymore. He wanted to take up space and be acknowledged after so many years of being ignored and if the only way he could do that was to be loud and obnoxious, then that’s what he would do because he felt it was better to be hated and seen than ignored. At least then people would know he existed.
“I like you being here,” Eddie finally replied. “I like that you take up space in my room and in my life.” He didn’t say that Steve also takes up room in his heart for fear that it would drive Steve out of his life. He’d rather hide his feelings than risk Steve walking out like he never existed.
“I’m glad,” Steve whispered. “I wanna take up space in your life for as long as you’ll let me.”
“Careful, big boy. It almost sounds like you’re proposing to me,” Eddie joked, suddenly uncomfortable with the genuine way Steve was looking at him.
“I would. If gay marriage was allowed, I would,” Steve responded easily as if the admission didn’t rock Eddie’s world.
“Steve…” Eddie started, unable to comprehend the softness with which Steve was looking at him.
“Eddie,” Steve brushed his nose against Eddie’s, the joint discarded and his hand coming to cup Eddie’s face. “I love you.”
Eddie stared blankly. “Huh?”
Steve laughed softly, leaning in to gently kiss the man under him. “I love you, dipshit. I have for a while now.”
Eddie’s brain was still three steps behind, stuck on the fact that Steve stated that he loved him and not even processing the kiss yet. “You…love me? But- but you’re…you- why me?”
Steve kissed the tip of Eddie’s nose before moving down to playfully bite at his neck, smiling when Eddie squealed in response. “Because you’re the person who makes me feel like I exist.”
Eddie squeaked, hands coming up to grip Steve’s waist. He let his hand wander under the man’s shirt, feeling over the scars that he had helped bandage and heal. They had kept each other alive physically and now they were doing so on an emotional and mental level, providing the other with care and warmth that they didn’t know they needed.
“I love you too,” Eddie stated. He slid his hands out from Steve’s shirt, instead running them through his fluffy hair and gently gripping the sides of his head. “God, I love you…and you love me…”
“Yeah I do, baby,” Steve brushed his lips over Eddie’s. “and I’ll love you as long as we exist.”
Eddie’s heart swelled. He gave Steve a proper kiss, relishing in the softness that he had longed for not just in Steve’s lips, but also in his whole being. When they broke apart, they smiled at each other because they knew as long as they had each other, they would never feel lonely again.