Work Text:
from: Yosuke Hanamura [email protected]
to: Yu Narukami [email protected]
date: Wed, March 28, 2012 at 3:47AM
subject: Partner
http://8tracks.com/hostilecrayon/things-i-couldn-t-say
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Track List and Commentary:
1. Burn the Night Away – There for Tomorrow
This FST took longer than it needed to, and that’s because I couldn’t stop myself from putting this on repeat. It’s such a beautiful song. I knew almost instantly that this had to be my opener. This has a ‘right before Yu leaves’ feel to it, so it definitely works best here.
2. Be My Escape (Acoustic) – Relient K
I didn’t know I liked Relient K before I discovered this song for the FST. I know now – I like them so much they are the only band that makes two appearances in the mix. This song really holds all of Yosuke’s wishes that Yu could take him with him, and also some undertones pertaining to being stuck in Inaba, probably expected to follow in his father’s footsteps at Junes, which, in my mind, at least, is the last thing he wants to do. But with his poor grades and no real prospects to leave, without someone to take him away from there, he’s probably going to be stuck there for the rest of his life. Which is pretty much the saddest thing ever.
3. Beauty in the Breakdown (Acoustic) – The Scene Aesthetic
“And I’d write to you and tell you how you’ve always been so special to me.” This line was practically written for Yosuke. This is a combination of what Yosuke wants and what he misses – it’s just a little selfish, with the line “live your life a little for me”, which is fitting for Yosuke – he wants to be special, and to be special to someone who is special to him is a dream come true for him.
4. Endlessly – Muse
The culmination of Yosuke’s feelings, plain and simple.
5. Memory – Sugarcult
Riding right on the heels of the depth of Yosuke’s feelings inevitably comes his insecurities. “This may never start/I’ll tear us apart” really highlights his fears, and yet, he still wants Yu to come back, can’t help it, and maybe in a fit of self-depreciation, he wants to at least merit being a memory worth keeping.
6. The Last Song Ever – Secondhand Serenade
This is a mix of a few fears – Yosuke’s fear that he’s shut Yu out with his homophobia (“I shot you down and slammed the door”), his fear that this will end badly and thus doesn’t want to find out (“I wish my life was this song/'cause songs they never die/I could write for years and years/And never have to cry”) and the fear that Yu is already tangled up in someone else (“Does she love you, that’s worth knowing”). There’s a bunch of vague feelings, too, that I can’t really put into words – a complicated jumble that’s all Yosuke.
7. Three Cheers for Five Years – Mayday Parade
This originally was placed much closer to the beginning, but got bumped, for, uh, some reason. God, what can I say here besides ouch. As beautiful as this song is, it has a bit of a nastier undercurrent – this holds some of the hurt and anger Yosuke feels over Yu leaving. Other than that, well, it speaks pretty well for itself, I think.
8. The Only Song – Sherwood
“Hey, let’s write the story again/Where I’m your lover and best friend.” That about sums it up.
9. Try Again – Keane
Yosuke is just so lost without Yu.
10. The Territory is the Map – The Decoration
The start of a mini fun with titles series, ending at No Sunlight. This particular song is all about how lost Yosuke feels, and how highly he regards Yu, and how those things clash so hard for him. I can’t find lyrics for this no matter how hard I try, so if you’re playing along by looking up lyrics, sorry, I don’t have them either.
11. Is There a Way Out – The Get Up Kids
More of Yosuke’s insecurities.
12. When We Escape – Minus the Bear
“You must be an illusion.” Thoughts and feelings of Yosuke’s.
13. No Sunlight – Death cab for Cutie
The last in the fun with titles series. The evolution of Yosuke’s feelings.
14. Only One – Yellowcard
I almost axed this one, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. This is the song I imagine Yosuke had playing in his headphones on repeat when Yu left. “Here I go, so dishonestly/leave a note for you, my only one.” This email, heh. This song covers everything Yosuke feels the moment Yu gets on the train.
15. Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been (Acoustic) – Relient K
The second appearance of Relient K, and I’m hoping you’ll understand why it was impossible for me to get rid of this song. This song is so Yosuke, it hurts. “This is no place to try and live my life.” The Junes theme makes a reappearance for me with this line. There are a lot of recurrent themes all rolled up into this song. “Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it./See that line. Well I never should have crossed it./Stop right there. Well I never should have said/That it's the very moment that/I wish that I could take back.” For me, this is very much a revisiting of his overtly homophobic comments that covered his own fear of his homosexual feelings. “I talk to absolutely no one./Couldn't keep to myself enough./And the things bottled inside have finally begun/To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.” This is all about Yosuke’s lack of friends and his inability to open up fully to anyone other than Yu – even though he now has new, and his first real, friends. I really feel that though all the songs were chosen carefully, this is the one song where not one bit of the lyrics are wasted one iota. This is definitely going on the books as one of my top songs for Yosuke.
16. MakeDamnSure – Taking Back Sunday
This song went on the chopping block like ten times. I’m not particularly fond of Taking Back Sunday on the whole, and this is also the most situationally abstract of the songs on this mix, as the lyrics can’t really be applied as directly as most of the others. And yet… this stayed when other songs went. This song just screams Yosuke’s painful determination, and in the end, I couldn’t shake it from the mix.
17. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi – Radiohead
Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that this might be a little bit of a weird choice. But I still feel it’s very appropriate. The idea here was that there are two possible outcomes to Yosuke’s feelings for Yu. This is the first, and as Yosuke sees it, less likely, of the two, which is why it comes before the closing song. This is a really abstract and metaphorical song towards the end, but basically, the idea I get here is that this is Yosuke’s chance to escape, escape Inaba and Junes and a life without Yu, and there’s so much he has to go through, so many obstacles and people who will try to hold him back, but in the end, he manages to escape, presumably to be with Yu and live the life he wants to lead, instead of the life he was forced into where he has to try so hard to be someone he’s not and he’s afraid of what people think of him and what it means, both to him and to his father’s company, if he were to be with another man. This is the ‘even if you pull the flesh from my body, I will escape and find happiness’ ending – the ending Yosuke does not, or maybe cannot, believe in. He feels too stuck, too sad, too much at a loss to truly find that kind of hope within himself. Yes, I know, my concept of Yosuke is infinitely sad.
18. Call it Karma (Acoustic) – Silverstein
I agonized over placement of all the songs except the first and the last. This is the other song I pretty much instantly knew its place in this mix. This song just breaks my heart into little tiny pieces. “Goodbye, old friend/Goodbye, goodnight/I'll move on/You'll call it fate, I'll call it karma/We had our time, it was fun/while it lasted.” This is really the heart of this song for me, and indeed, of Yosuke himself. If we see anything of Yosuke in the game, we see how much he internalizes everything truly important to him, how when he opens up to Yu, it’s his first time ever doing so, and everything just overflows out of him until he’s so overcome by the emotions he’s been hiding, he’s crying like a small child. On top of that, we know that even Yosuke thinks he’s annoying, which we see during his Shadow fight – he knows everyone hates him, and he thinks he deserves it. Thinks they have a good reason to feel that way. Of course Yosuke could never accept that fate has taken Yu away from him. It’s karma. He doesn’t deserve to keep this amazing best friend. Is, in fact, lucky to have ever had him at all. And then the ending of this song, classic Yosuke, reassuring Yu, don’t feel bad, it’s okay, everything is fine. It’s not fine. But that’s not what he wants to leave Yu with. He pulls out a virtual smile and tries to paint over the pain.
And I really hate to leave it on that note, but there you have it. A ridiculously sad mix from a ridiculously sad character. Good thing Yu will be replying… look forward to that.