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When Conan was eleven, and Shinichi was twenty-one, Ai finally gave up. Well, in all truthfulness, Shinichi suspected that she had actually given up quite a while ago, but she just didn’t want to tell him. All these years, and she still seemed to think of him as that stupid, arrogant teenager he was when they first met.
"I'm sorry Kudou, but, it's just," she said, before pausing to gather herself. He let her take her time, since he already knew what she had to say. He isn’t a detective for nothing, and again, they have known each other for years. Her tells may have been subtle, but he knew them all.
"I can't- I can't create an antidote," she finally stated, "Well, technically I can, but your body wouldn't be able to take the strain. Your heart, lungs, kidneys… well, most of your organs would give out on you, and you'd die, maybe not immediately, but definitely within a few months, and I just can't do that to you, Shin- Kudou."
Ai gazed at him with steel in her eyes, and he could tell that she expected him to start yelling at her, or crying, definitely something dramatic. And those would be valid responses, but at the moment all he felt was resignation, and relief, and something a bit too much like closure. He knew that he should be more upset, that he was probably in shock, but, again, he knew what she was going to tell him from the moment she told him to sit down.
"It's okay," he said.
She raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth, probably to say something about shock, because he was absolutely a little bit in shock, but he didn’t think that was important at the moment.
"It really is," he added, quickly before she could start lecturing him, "I mean, if we're both being honest with each other right now, even if I could be Shinichi again, I'm not actually sure that I'd want to."
The other eyebrow went up, and he rushed to explain, "It's like, and it hurts to even think like this, but Conan's life, my life, is kind of better than Shinichi's, I think? Before, all I had was Ran and school and murder investigations, and then I went home to that big, empty house. It was- it was lonely, and... kind of sad, I guess?”
He paused, swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat, and said,” Now, I have Hattori, and the Detective Boys, and you. And it seems like the police are finally starting to treat me like an asset again, especially Takagi and Satou. And, when I go home now, Ran is there, she's always there, and she- she cares about whether I ate my lunch, or if I remembered my umbrella. And I know that she and I will never be together in the way that she and Shinichi could have been, but I’m not sure I want that anymore? I mean, after years of her basically being my big sister I- I just- I don’t- I don’t know I guess.”
He stopped trying to explain himself, letting that last sentence end like a snapped violin string. It would be hard, letting her go, maybe the hardest thing he’s ever done. But he had to, for her sake. He couldn't stand watching her pine away for some dumb, arrogant boy who barely even called her anymore.
"Are you going to tell her about-”
"No," he said, "I can't be the Shinichi that she wants me to be, I’ve changed too much and she’s changed too much and- and honestly, sometimes I’m not even sure that I am Shinichi anymore. It's like, I don't feel like the man I know I should be, I just feel like a ten-year-old with an extra decade of memories and they just get harder and harder to remember every year and-"
Ai hugged him. Shinichi froze for a moment, stunned by her uncharacteristic affection, before relaxing into her arms. To his surprise, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. As she awkwardly patted his back in a manner that was clearly cribbed from Professor Agasa, those tears evolved into full-blown bawling. He collapsed into her, letting his emotions out in ugly, gasping sobs.
"I think the poison worked, Ai," he choked out, "I think Shinichi was murdered."
"I think he was," she replied, her voice husky with some inscrutable emotion, "And I think it's time to let him rest."
Shinichi, no, Conan curled into her, tucking his head into her shoulder, and nodded. As Ai continued her futile back patting, he stopped fighting the grief and let it burn through his body. Tomorrow, he would have to make the necessary arrangements, not that there were many to make. But today, he let himself cry.
"Hey, Ran."
"Oh, Shinichi, hi! It's been a while."
"Yeah, it has. Look, I'm calling you for- I have to- I'm-"
"Is- is something wrong, Shinichi?"
"... You know that case I've been on?"
"Yeah, the one you've been on for the last four goddamn years? Of course I do, not that you’ve ever told me anything about it."
"Yeah. That one. Look, I’ll be honest with you, I've been investigating some really bad people."
"Bad people? Like, Yakuza or something?"
"Something like that. And, look, this is difficult to say, but it's gotten too dangerous for me and I'm in way over my head and- and well, you know what witness protection is, right?"
"..."
"Ran?
"Oh my god."
"I'm going to be placed somewhere safe, but it's a secret, and it's going to be far away from Beika.”
"W- what are you saying?"
"I won't be able to contact you anymore, for both of our safety."
"What are you saying?!"
"I just need to tell you that I love you, and I hope you live a happy life. Goodbye, Ran."
"No, don't you dare, you can’t do this to me you absolu-"