Chapter Text
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It was still early in the morning when Scott's obnoxious alarm went off.It kept ringing until eventually he sighed deeply from under the white covers and shut it off,rolling on his side.His eyes were still closed -if he would open them that would mean his day would start.He would have to put on another suit he hates,and go to a job he hates,and work like a dog for almost no money at his father's firm because 'it was his duty'.He opened his eyes and squinted at the light filtered through the white curtains.He felt the weight of another person on the mattress and rolled back.He knew who would be laying there,in a deep slumber,hair all messy from sleeping ..in a perfect world.
Instead,it was 'just' his girlfriend.He looked at her for a second.She was snoring softly,sleeping in just one of Scott's shirt and underwear.Her beautiful hair framed her face and her shirt had risen up slightly,showing a bit of her stomach skin.Scott wanted to laugh because this was probably the dream of millions of men,waking up next to a model sleeping next to you,but this certainly wasn't his dream - he didn't even want it.
He looked at the row of perfectly aligned suits.He thought about the law firm he was doing his internship at,a firm that one day was going to be his.He thought about the amount of work he put into it,the sleepless nights,the strict rules his father made him stuck by.He thought about how much of himself he had to deny,to the point where he didn;t recognize the person in the mirror anymore.The walls were caving in on him,and everyday it was getting harder and harder to breathe.It was all making him miserable.
He grunted as he was washing his teeth and looking in the mirror.For the 100th time,he wanted to break it into a million shards.And for the 100th time,he got ready murmuring the same words over and over again 'I don't want any of this,any of this,any of this ..'The only thing he did want,his best friend,Mitch,was on the other side of the town most of the time,living his life like it should be lived,going to music school,singing in an acapella group,laughing,going out,being honest with himself and the world around him.Scott sighed ..all of this,without him.
He tried to shake those silly thoughts out of his head.Be proper,be the best,don't fail everybody,he repeated to himself.Even if it makes you feel like this?A little voice questioned,trying to bring up images of a better future,dropping out on everything,moving in a little apartment with Mitch,burning all his suits.Even if,he reassured himself.
Scott entered the kitchen on his toes,trying his best not to wake Jo up.Even his apartment didn't feel like home.It was all white,minimalist,and expensive,the kind of expensive that is obnoxious,like its meant to be noticed.
Everywhere there were framed pictures of his girlfriend,in different sizes,mostly black and white.So everywhere he went he was reminded of the life he was served on a tray,already choreographed for him,with costumes that didn't fit him and lyrics he didn't write.There was one single picture of both of them in the living room.
They were just about to go to the Celine Spring Show when the picture was taken.Jo looked as flawless as ever,beaming with happiness.Scott was in one of his most expensive suits,which he hated passionately,and was pulling a half-smirk as his hand was hovering awkwardly over her waist.He looked like a put-together mess and she looked carved in marble.Like always.
Scott sighed deeply looking at the picture.He didn't want to spend too much time actually thinking about his life these days and his ..relationship.She was beautiful,and her eyes were sparkling,so why couldn't he just do the normal thing to do,and love her madly?Why couldn't his heart just settle on being with her and being genuine about it?
"Good moooorning Scottland" Scott froze in place and tensed.'That's why' his heart replied and it seemed like his whole body was mocking him,because the second he heard Mitch's voice he got a tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach.The sight of Jo crying whe he asked her to be his girlfriend didn't even come close to that,but Mitch simply walking in did.Jesus Christ.Scott rolled his eyes."Guess who"
The brunette put his hands over Scott's eyes and giggled."Oh,I wonder who.It must be Michelle." the blonde played along.He laughed to hide off the fact that he didn't almost gush over how adorable Mitch was standing on his tippy toes because of the height difference or the fact that Mitch's warmth and cologne smell almost left him breathless for some reason.
Seeing him filled his whole being with such joy it was almost ridiculous.The whole room filled with light and Scott took in everything,the way Mitch was dressed,his hair,his mood,his silly sayings.
"I come bearing gifts of coff-eeee" Mitch sang and placed a brown bag on the kitchen table."Be quiet,Jo is still sleeping." Scott shushed him and took a sip of his coffee,sitting next to Mitch at the counter,beaming like a maniac.Mitch pouted and stuck his tongue out at Scott,who tried to scowl at him but failed."What,is the mattress princess tired from all the cocktails?"
"Don't be mean.She works hard,she's tired." Scott defended her without even realizing it was Mitch who he was defending her to.It was like he learnt to act like a boyfriend.He caught himself speaking the words without even realizing.He instantly regretted it but he had to keep up the perfect boyfriend image,didn't he?
Mitch pouted and Scott swore he read something similar to hurt or disappointment in his eyes.Mitch brushed a few strands of hair from Scott's forehead and spoke softly "No one works as hard as you do.Some days I'm worried sick about you.And it's mainly because I'm not even sure you're happy"They looked at eachother for a few moments like everything else but them ceased to exist in the world.And of course the blonde couldn't help but stare at Mitch biting his lower lip,hypnotized by it.
Scott wanted to scream in frustration.He wanted to speak up for once his life and admit how right Mitch was,to confess how eager he was to run away and speak about the way his chest caved in just thinking about waking up again tomorrow morning.
But he couldn't.So instead he tried to fake a smile and just drink his coffee,like he always did.He just sat there trying to avoid facing the day before him and instead just lost himself in Mitch's presence,pretending that counting the shades in your best friend's eyes or having your heart burst when you make them laugh was the normal,best friend thing to do.Like always.
They always met like this,more so these days.Half an hour for coffee,before they both started their days.It was Scott's daily bubble of happiness,away from the hidden misery that was the rest of his busy day,usually.
"Morning guys."
Jo came in the kitchen barefooted and stretching lazily.Scott's big tshirt draped off her shoulder and she looked pretty without any wake up on and her hair messy.She snaked her arms around Scott then turned his chin around,kissing him softly.
It wasn't that kissing her wasn't nice.Objectively speaking,she was a good kisser,and her lips were soft and everything.But Scott was just..kind of there.It really didn't matter to him if they kissed or not.Apparently she felt particularly affectionate that morning and she deepened the kiss,brushing her long fingers through his hair and stealing one more peck before finally retreating and stealing some of Scott's coffee.
The blonde took a deep breath in and drew his attention back to his best friend,slightly annoyed,but he was kind of shocked.The colour from Mitch's cheeks faded and now he was pale and looking in blank.He fidgeted with his coffee cup for a second and avoided looking back at Scott.He suddenly got up and gathered his keys and his bag.He mumbled something about having a class early,but Scott knew for sure Mitch didn't have class at all that day.
Scott got up as well,worried,and walked Mitch out."Are you sure everything is ok?"Mitch managed to look up before shutting the door behind him."Yeah,I'm fi-fine." It took Scott one look to know he wasn't fine.Something was definitely not fine.There were storm stirring up inside Mitch's eyes,there worry,and anger,but most obviously there was pain.
"Is everything fine?" Jo always looked like someone was about to take a picture of her,Scott thought.He didn't understand what he was doing next to someone like her.He loved her in some weird,mostly platonic way,but she had her quirks,and her and Mitch had always hated each other.So he knew she was just faking worry for him.
"I think so.I'm worried though,I will check up on him later today." Scott sighed and hugged her,and she rested her forehead on his shoulder.
She took like a normal sign of affection.But it was really something more,it was a frustration,a longing for the hug he never got from Mitch before he left,a longing for the life he had and the life Scott wished for.
/
The hell with it.The hell with Scott and his planned life which was obviously making him miserable.The hell with his girlfriend,his perfect,prissy,incredibly in love with him girlfriend.
Mitch's rant went on in his head for the entire car ride back.He could live with only seeing Scott for half an hour if he'd knew he was happy working so hard.He could accept them living so far away if he'd knew Scott liked his apartment,where everything was spotless.What was killing him was the thing he was supposed to be supportive about,as a bestfriend.
His girlfriend.Why did she have to be so beautiful?Every time Mitch came over he felt like a withered dandelion next to a rose garden.His eyes were so eager to get as much as Scott as he could in the little time they had that he couldn't help but notice the way she looked at him,like she was looking at a prized possession.
He got weak in the knees and started shaking when she brushed her fingers through his hair,or leaned on his side,or played with the button of his shirt.It all went through him with a sharp pain,like a bullet.It was jealousy,and it hurt like hell.He usually managed to compose himself around them,but this time it was all too much.
He had a terrible night before,the kind of terrible that ends itself in vodka and staying up until 4 am.The guy from dance class,the one with whom he had 'a thing' shut the door in his face and Kirstie wouldn't answer his calls,so he ended up back at home,heart a mess,thinking about his bestfriend.Again.
Mitch missed him so much.He missed the way he made him laugh even when he was miserable.He missed drunken nights and going out for McDonalds at 12 am.He missed Scott giving him his hoodie when it was colds or warming up his hands.He missed having his thoughts read even before they were spoke.He missed dragging Scott along in his stupid,random adventures.
So he figured he would drop by and enjoy his presence for a bit.But it wasn't the same.It hadn't been the same since his life turned around.Scott's light faded,and he went from being this radiating sun,a source of energy,a bundle of laughs to a compilation of short words,expensive suits and Dior cologne.
It hurt.Watching them hurt.Mitch always hid his hands when he was around both of them,because they were always shaking,they were always fumbling and trying to reach over and grab Scott and pull him out.He knew it was all in his head,but he could almost sense it.Somehow,they didn't fit.
He was kissing her back,though.And the kind of pain that swirled in his chest and shot through him like bullets made him understand alcoholism and mind-numbing drugs.He knew he had no right.Jo never did him wrong.She always treated Scott nice,she was loving and gorgeous,the kind of person Scott deserved -the kind of person people expect him to date.That didn't stop Mitch from sassing her out and always arguing with her.That's why he was embarrassed at the rage travelling through his veins,fogging up his mind - that's why he left so suddenly,inventing some excuse about classes.Because it was all too much.Seeing them together hurt like nothing before.
He went around his day without paying much attention to anything he was doing.His heart was somewhere else,across the town,sitting quietly in the expensive loft his bestfriend never truly wanted ,waiting for him to get home.
Home.. to her.That thought ripped through him with a shredding pain.It was ridiculous,but it wasn't like he could help it.He learned to live with the jealousy and the bitterness.He always ran back to Scott one way or another.Although right now he was kind of running from everything and basically acting like a teenager.He was on a bus on his way to a little record store he used to go to when he first moved there.
That journey always calmed him.He listened to music and just stared out the window,thinking about how good Scott's hand would look next to his on the window glass.When he arrived at the record shop and saw that it was basically empty he got an idea - a selfish frustration led him to pull out his phone and text Scott,pretending it was an emergency and he needed to come there right away.He chuckled and placed his phone back in his pocket-he bit his lips in anticipation -he was really fed up with him defending that prissy barbie of his,he wanted to know if he'd drop everything and run just for Mitch.
After about 15 minutes he started getting anxious- maybe he was really that insignificant ,or maybe he was really busy (but he was always busy) -or maybe he just didn't care.But just that second a taxi pulled up in front of the shop and Scott walked out,frantically looking for Mitch,wearing a plain white tshirt and with a backpack draped off his shoulder,his hair going in all the directions except the right one and looking really disoriented.That sight made his heart swell-he knew this feeling all too well.This was his favorite Scott,no pretentious vocabulary,no suits,just a simple,genuine version of his warm self.But as soon as he saw Mitch hiding behind the cd stands,giggling,he looked mad.
"Oh my god I could kill you you said this was an emergency I was worried I ran out in like 5 seconds my hair is a mess and .. why are you looking at me like that?"
Scott stopped in the middle of his rant when he noticed Mitch standing there,arms crossed,a smug grin on his face.His eyes were sparkling slightly and he just seemed so damn pleased with himself.
"Because you came." Scott had to stop pretending to be mad because he broke into the most colorful,warm laughter,and Mitch kinda felt like his heart could burst any second now."Of course I came.I always will.But I'm still upset about this." Mitch stuck his tongue out at him and pulled him between the stands to show him something."Yeah,sure you are.C'mon,we haven't been here in SO long!"
They spent hours looking around,laughing at old records with cheesy names and trying to guess how they would sound.Scott couldn't remember the last time he laughed with tears- the two of them lost track of time.Soon enough,clouds gathered dark above them and with the bang of a thunder a storm began just as they were about to leave.Mitch was having a perfect day-this was exactly what he wanted,time alone with his bestfriend.
The brunette simply walked further but Scott stopped in the doorway."Come back,you are going to get soaking wet!" Scott scolded,trying to protect his hair with his backpack."So what,come on.It's fun,just pretend we're in a musical." To demonstrate,Mitch ran into the empty street and started twirling around while rain pour harder and harder.Scott still didn't seem convinced,so Mitch grabbed his hand and pulled him out,laughing hysterically after Scott jumped directly into a puddle and started cursing.It turned out it wasn't so bad after all.
"Scott,I need to ask you something." Mitch stopped running and turned around.
"And you chose to do it here,in the middle of an empty road while God is taking his wrath out on us?" Scott joked,but was surprised after looking down at the brunette and realizing he was serious.They stared at each other for a few seconds and nothing else made sense.Mitch had a feeling Scott was holding his breath too.He almost reached out and brushed a few locks of the blonde's hair,but he bit his lip and abstained.He sighed and snapped back into reality.This would never work anyway.
"Nevermind.Let's go get pizza or something,we're both going to get pneumonia anyway."
"Don't act like this wasn't your idea,mister." Scott laughed and followed the brunette.
"Don't act like you aren't enjoying it."
___________________________________
"..I can't believe you actually threw a piece of pizza at a pigeon and wished it a good day "
"What can I say,winning miss Universe requires being humble, generous and gorgeous and I already am the last one so.."
The boys entered the apartment laughing and holding leftover pizza boxes in their hands.The rain eventually stopped and they went to Domino's -it was like high school all over again.And Scott enjoyed himself so much he felt some kind of weight on his chest when he entered his apartment back to his life.
Mitch's mood dropped when he saw Jo sitting in the kitchen,waiting for them.She seemed kind of pissed and he kind of wanted to grab Scott and run.But he was left behind with the boxes and Scott simply went to greet her.She wrapped her tiny hands around his neck and kissed him."I missed you.Where have you guys been?"
Scott went on and rambled excitedly about their adventures and Mitch just kind of stood there,glaring at her when she wasn't looking,or adding snarky comments like "We had the best time,shame you weren't there." Once Mitch realized what he was doing he rested his head in his hands and sighed.It was unjustified.She never did him wrong.She was just wrong for Scott - it was funny because Mitch had this indescribable urge to put a 'his' in front of Scott's name,but the multiple memories Mitch had of them kissing stopped him from it.
Something nagged at him though.Looking at Scott,with his hair wet and messy,his tshirt soaked,a genuine smile on his face and no suit,he didn't seem to fit in the picture at all.He never seemed to fit,no matter how hard he tried.And Mitch saw right through him-he knew he wasn't happy.It was just about his life -here Mitch didn't have a choice but to sit and watch,even if it was tumbling down before him.It was Jo too -and here Mitch did have a choice.
"I'm gonna go now,I have school tomorrow.But thank you for coming with me." Mitch got up to leave and both of them followed him to the hallway.Scott gave him a tight hug that sent shiver up and down his back and Jo jus waved a hand with an icy smile.Mitch sighed and left,the last image in his head being Jo running her fingers through Scott's wet hair to fix it and him laughing about it looking like a bird nest.Something Mitch would never get to do.
But he had a plan.And despite what it seemed like,he wasn't trying to get Scott- he was trying to find out the truth.And maybe Scott too,but that remained to be seen.
/
Mitch tapped his foot and hummed quietly as he waited in the airport cafe,oblivious to the buzz of the crowds strolling through terminals and getting coffee around him.He sighed deeply and hit repeat on his iPhone.It was as if he'd been in that airport for days on end.In reality,it had only been 2 hours.But it certainly felt like more.
He should've never agreed to this.He knew it was torture going in to it.Riding along with your bestfriend to go pick his girlfriend up on a Monday afternoon.With the necessary correction that a)he skipped an important class for this,one he described to Scott as being a 'easy afternoon',b)the girlfriend was a well known supermodel and there was probably going to be press,and c)he was incredibly,undeniably in love with said bestfriend,who left him in this stupid,overpriced cafe to go get his girlfriend and stated he'd be 'right back' exactly 23 minutes ago.
So Mitch was pissed,but not pissed enough to deny that there was no other way he'd rather be spending his day,even if it meant 15 minutes of vague,fugitive conversation with Scott.
He'd been sipping on his ridiculously priced latte and listening to this one song over and over again,sometime humming along to it quite loudly,drawing the attention of strangers who'd stare in admiration of his voice.He'd usually just blush and shut himself up,drawing back to his fantasy scenario he'd been constructing in his head the last 15 minutes,picking at it until it satisfied his need for happy endings.
Right before Scott got a chance to say 'Be right back',Mitch,who in this fantasy was taller for some reason but also extremely brave,would get up an grab Scott's wrist,making the blonde look him the eye.He'd take a moment to clear his voice and just gaze into Scott's wonderful,out-of-this-world shade of blue,but also really confused eyes,and then,grabbing his other hand too and lacing it with his,he'd say:
'Please,don't go.Stay with me.Let's be honest,I know you're unhappy.I can see it in everything you do,even in the way you laugh.So don't go with her,stay with me.Burn all your expensive shirts and come live in my tiny apartment.We will eat cereal out of the box and watch cartoons in the morning and you'd get to decide what you are and what you want to be.I'd make you happy,Scott,I promise.Just..don't go.Choose me.'
And of course,Scott wouldn't stare at him like he was absolutely crazy.He would take a few second to process,but not too many.Then he'd come closer to Mitch,and closer,until there were inches between them,and just like that,he'd whisper a simple 'Ok.' And Mitch's face would light up like a Christmas tree with joy and surprise,because oh my god,he chose him,but he wouldn't get to reply because Scott would close the space between them and gently kiss him,and he could feel the blonde smile against his lips,and his hands were in Mitch's hair and ..
'Mitch!What the hell,I've been calling at you for like 5 minutes.C'mon,let's go!'
Interrupted from his fantasy by the main character in it.How rude and disappointing,Mitch thought.He was startled from his daydreaming and he removed his earbuds,getting up from the table.He tried very hard not to roll his eyes as he was walking,because latching on to Scott's arm was Jo,who,despite getting off a 6 hour plane ride still looked amazing.
She was wearing high waisted black skinny jeans,a striped shirt and a black floppy hat,her curls falling perfectly from under it,designer bag and all.Mitch would've never admitted it,but she had a good sense of style and all those expensive accessories were making him kind of envious of her high lifestyle.
Mitch hated himself for paying so much attention to her outfits and her appearance,so he nodded and hoped it counted as a kind of hello.She,on the other hands,seemed chipper and rambled on about her trip and her photoshoot all the way to the car,often getting up on her toes to kiss Scott's cheek or hug him even tighter.He seemed contempt with it but also very,very tired.Mitch just walked behind them,trying to abstain from puking his lunch back at the sight.
All the way to their apartment he felt like he was going crazy.He started doubting himself;maybe it was all in his imagination.But to him,Scott just seemed so obviously,incredibly miserable.There was no glimmer in his deep eyes.His shoulders were hunched forward,and his head was always low,like he was trying to shrug off a 'are you ok?'
His smile had this sympathetic,sad thing about it,like it barely stood up enough to cover the crumbling mess inside.How come no one else noticed?Didn't she see it,and if not,how could she?His girlfriend was hovering over him nonstop,so how could she be so ignorant?
He had his earbuds back on he was repeating the same song,humming quietly in the backseat.'Hey,play that louder.I like that song.' Scott took Mitch by surprise,who just nodded and connected his phone to the car.The song played smoothly around them,rising a special kind of atmosphere between them.Scott started singing and nodded encouragingly at Mitch.Knowing the song all too well,he began singing too,going along with the oh-so-ironic but suitable lyrics.
'And I hate to say I love you,When it's so hard for me.' Mitch sang and Scott smiled in awe at the sound of his wonderful voice.It gave him goosebumps and he dreamt of a day when he'd be able to just sit and listen to Mitch sing for hours.
'Believe me,I'm sorry,I love you,but not in that way.' Both sang,Scott's voice trailing off at the end into a painful silence.
The two of them made eye contact in the rear view mirror and for Mitch,the world stopped for a few seconds.Because it fitted them so well.Saying those words,saying 'I love you' to Scott would be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do,because of the crippling fear that he'd respond exactly like that.I love you,but not in that way.
Mitch bit his lip and broke eye contact,looking out the window.He stopped singing and sat quietly for the rest of the way,because sometime that empty,shredding pain inside his chest was too much for him,it didn't let him talk,or sing,or think.He'd just let the waves wash over him,and he'd sit there,his hands shaking.Just struggling to breath.Scott noticed and furrowed his brows,but didn't say anything.
He,too,knew to respond to problems in only one way.Silence.
________________
Mitch and Scott sat at the kitchen table,chatting in a hushed tone while Jo ran around the apartment in her underwear,trying to find something to wear.She was never shy about her body,and she had no reason to be.
Mitch paid extra attention to the look in Scott's eyes as he was watching her run around.There was no lust there.No passion,or arousal,or anything.Mitch found that weird,but slightly comforting,considering there was a semi naked model walking around them.For Mitch it was normal,not being interested in the slightest bit,but for Scott?
He remembered this one time in senior year Scott hinted at them being more than friends.It was done as a joke,and it was the only time,but Mitch held on to it dearly,and sometimes it gave him a faint hope.They were walking back to his house from the prom.Both of them were slightly tipsy,the stars shined big above and Mitch's heart was full with the laughter they just shared over some stupid joke.Of course Mittch had to go on an elaborate rant about how he would die alone and with 50 cats.In a moment of silence, Scott turned to him with a big grin and told him 'Don't worry,Mitchie.If by the time you're 20 you still don't have someone,which I highly doubt,you and I will go out.And I'll show you the best time of your life.Promise.' And he'd never forgotten it ever since.
Now on her way out,Jo stepped into her heels.The three of them stood in front of the door, and she pulled Scott slightly closer,kissing him and this time lingering a bit.'Bye,babe.I'll be late.' Scott brushed her hair and whispered back in a husky voice.'Mmkay.'
Stealing one more kiss,she waved and whispered 'Love you.' to him,and then walked out.Scott turned around and smiled,looking playfully at Mitch.'So,what do you want to do now?'
The brunette was leaning on the hallway wall,still recovering from the scene he'd just witnessed.You'd think he'd be use to it by now,but it still punched him breathless in the stomach.Going back to his nervous habit,he bit his lip and stated sheepishly.'You never say it back.' Scott's smile faded in his attempt to sound casual.'Never say what back?'
'I love you.You never say it back when she says it to you.' It was just an observation,but it seemed to hit all the right places Mitch wanted it to hit.He cocked an eyebrow and his look pierced the room.He saw a series of emotion travel across Scott's face,like clouds on a clear sky.
There was surprise,and confusion,and something he couldn't quite put his finger on -fear?sadness? Anyway,it clearly stirred things inside him and that was all Mitch wanted.A little doubt,a question mark.A head start.He huffed and smiled to himself,quite arrogantly.
But then something unexpected happened.Scott tilted his head to get a better look at Mitch and his smug smile.The blonde's expression was now un-readable,but his attitude shifted,and he looked taller,and his eyes darker.He bit his own lip and made his way to Mitch,walking slowly,until the brunette found himself backing up into the wall .
The level of oxygen in the room suddenly dropped.Mitch was now staring at a dangerously close Scott.The blonde flickered his look from Mitch's eyes to his lips a couple of times before whispering.'Why are you so curious all of the sudden,Mitch?Hm?' Scott's deep,throaty voice made his knees weak.The way his name sounded rolling off his bestfriend's tongue,it drove him mad.There was all this electricity between them,and Scott could spark it just by coming a little closer and creating a dominate stand for himself.He looked slightly amused,bearing no good intention whatsoever,a playful smirk on his lips.
'I don't,I mean -I ,uh' Mitch stuttered and his voice trailed off,not really paying attention to anything but Scott's lips in that moment.The blonde stepped just a little closer,just enough so that he could whisper so quietly it was like he didn't say nothing at all,but Mitch could still hear him.And this time his voice was sad,and broken down.
'Maybe I don't say it because I don't love her.'
'Oh,Scott' Mitch exhaled,as he felt his heart broke into two equal pieces.That voice.The voice of his bestfriend,defeated in front of his already planned life.So rugged and so violently quiet,like the last thunder of a storm.Mitch gently laid his hands on the blonde's chest and when he looked up he found a pair of cloudy eyes staring back at him,glazed with tears.Scott's warmth started seeping through his bones,and he felt him relax a little under his touch.
Mitch was trying his best to push down that side of him that wanted to do a little dance of victory,because despite proving himself right,his bestfriend was hurting.He wasn't denying the fact that a huge weight lifted off his burning chest and he felt the urge to present his grand speech right then and there.
'So why are you with her?Why do you put yourself through this?' Mitch cautiously asked.Suddenly they were very aware of the intimacy of the situation,and how incredibly close they were standing,and how Mitch's hands were still on the blonde's chest,so he drew back,embarrassed.
Scott coughed and walked over to the couch,and Mitch could've sworn he saw him blush a little.Resting his head in the palm of his hands,he sighed deeply.'Habit,I guess.And duty.Doing what's expected of me.Not disappointing.' Scott listed.
'For your father?' Mitch exclaimed in surprise that soon enough grew into anger.'You're doing all this for your father?' he asked,pointing at the luxury apartment and the pictures of Jo that were everywhere.Scott looked down and shrugged his shoulders.'You're making yourself working like a slave and date that bossy,pretentious,stuck up bi-'
'Mitch!' Scott got up and yelled back at him.His eyes were big with surprise and hurt but Mitch ignored it,too mad to shut himself up.'You've left me and your dream just to please your father by training to run his corrupted,big-shot company?Do the model girlfriend and the expensive cars come with this deal?Can't you see this isn't right for you?'
'Who are you to tell me what's right for me and what's not?' Scott confronted him.Being put in front of the truth so bluntly was too much for him.Having his walls teared up scared him to death.He didn't want to deal with it,he didn't want to be aware of his own life.So he yelled back at his bestfriend and he saw the colour in his cheeks fade away,his face livid and pale.
'Someone who actually cares about you.Someone who actually pays attention.You might've fooled your family and your ignorant 'girlfriend',but not me.No matter how much you like lying to yourself,I won't .The biggest lie of all is you living here ..with her.'
Mitch added the last words in a whisper,his eyes already swimming in tears,but not crying,because he knew he'd never stop if he started.He'd fought so passionately for the well being of Scott,who stood there and had just let his life be run for him.And so he was furious.And somehow he blamed her,too.
'You don't know anything about my life.' Scott replied in a cold tone.'Or me.'
'You don't even love her..'
Mitch just stood there for a few moments,his lips parted,as if he wanted to say more,but couldn't.He felt his chest collapse upon itself in pain,the kind of feeling you get when you're kicked in the stomach and you lay down,breathless.'Ok.Ok then.You stay here with your girlfriend and keep lying to yourself,and I won't bother you anymore.'
Scott closed his eyes.He didn't know when Mitch left the apartment -he couldn't hear him walk out.But the sound of the door shutting with a bang echoed in his ears,and as he laid down his head played their conversation over and over again,like a broken record.'You might've fooled your family and your ignorant girlfriend,but not me.'
Again and again.
____________________
A week passed and Mitch went on with his life.Apparently.He went to class,had coffee with Kirstie,sang and even went out drinking one night.Of course he forced a smile everywhere and dulled the constant ache in his chest with crying and too muck vodka every night,like he did with every break up.
But this time it was different.Because it wasn't a break up.it wasn't much of anything.It was his best friend letting go of him,dropping him like dead weight,with so much ease.Mitch wanted to trick himself into thinking feeling like this over a friend was normal,but knew he was fooling no one,because Scott was so much more than a friend to him.He was his everything.And he'd just lost him,so now he had pretty much nothing.
Of course Kirstie was up to date with these events and was frustrated and sad herself.Scott had been a friend of her's too and despite Mitch never actually telling her he had feelings for him,she could see it in the way the brunette's eyes would light up everytime he spoke about him.Which usually was a lot.But not this week,not a single word.It was all sad songs and quiet coffee trips with him this week.
So finally,on Friday afternoon she sat him down at her table and before he could protest,she shushed him and spoke confidently 'Mitch,you can't keep going on like this.This thing is obviously bothering you.Not having Scott is eating you alive.So go,talk to him.Walk a little on your pride,but do it.Apologize if you have to,but make things right."
Mitch opened his mouth to say something,but Kirstie was already in the hallway with his keys and his phone.'Not a word,Grassi.Go.Fix this.' She gave him a kiss on the cheek and sent him on his way,and Mitch just smiled.Kirstie was,as always,right.
Looking up at the tall,glass building gave him a headache.He'd debated going back home,apologizing or yelling some more at Scott ,but he decided he'd just stick with talking as little as possible and basically making up with his bestfriend,whom he needed so very much.It was ridiculous,but he felt himself getting nervous as he waited for him to descend from his sky-high office and meet him in the fancy hallway Mitch was now pacing.
The thought of seeing Scott again also made him bite back a dimple-showing,stupid smile.Scott replied with 'be right there' to his text,and instead of picking the answer apart whilst waiting,Mitch just spent that time thinking about,big surprise,Scott.
Who,5 minutes later,was getting off the elevator;Mitch looked like he just got knocked over by a train.In fact it was only the sight of his best friend.He was wearing a black suit,but his blazer was off and the first buttons of his shirt were untied.His hair was scruffy and he had this carefree attitude,like he'd just run off from Wallstreet and was waiting to get his picture taken.And Mitch kind of wanted to grab his hand and run off too,parading him around as his incredibly hot,C.E.O boyfriend.But instead he just stuck with an awkward 'Hello'
'Right,so' Mitch began,fidgeting with his hands and avoiding eye contact as much as possible.'First of all,I'm sorry for talking like that.You were right,it wasn't my place,I had no business getting involved.It's your life and I have no right to-what I meant to say was I'm sorry.' Mitch rambled.He stopped for a brief second in hopes that he'll get a reaction-all he got was a half-smile.The blonde opened his mouth to reply,but Mitch was faster 'Let me finish or we'll be here all day.As I said,I'm sorry.But this isn't going to work for me.I can't not talk to you.I don't know about you,but I simply can't have it,so you can't be mad at me,I refuse it.Ok?'
Scott chuckled at how Mitch's voice went a little high at the end,like it always did when he was nervous.'Mmkay.I'm not mad at you.' Mitch relaxed and smiled back,finally looking at Scott.They were okay.He had him back,kind of.'You refuse it,huh?'
Scott must've had a cold or something,because his rugged,throat voice was doing all kind of things to Mitch,and he was pretty sure if he'd call him by his name he would go nuts.'I have to go back to work now.We'll talk more about it tonight,yeah?' Scott asked and smiled with enthusiasm.
'Yeah,right,the party Jo texted me about.I'm bringing Kirstie.' He obviously attended their fancy,cocktail party just because he wanted to talk to Scott.'Alright,great then.See you.'
As the elevator doors were closing Scott raised his head and smiled fondly at Mitch,who waved.
'See you.'
_____________________
Walking in the party Mitch was totally surprised.It wasn't the usual,boring scene,filled with snotty rich people criticizing the appetizers.This party looked like the ones him and Scott used to throw.The room was bustling with all kinds of people,there was a thick layer of smoke over their heads,the music was loud and there was alcohol everywhere.He immediately lost Kirstie,who went to get them drinks,and he wandered off into the kitchen to try and find his best friend - he found a giggly Scott mixing margaritas.
'Heeey,you're heree' he exclaimed and hugged his bestfriend,squishing him.'Are you already drunk?' Mitch laughed and hopped on the counter,looking at the blonde cutting limes.'Just a little tipsy.' Scott shrugged it off and continued making his drinks.Mitch laughed again and rolled his eyes,curiously watching Scott.He hadn't seen him this relaxed in a while,not to mention kind of drunk,too.He actually enjoyed it.
Scott dropped his knife on the counter and looked up at Mitch,like he'd just remembered something.'I wanted to ask something.' Scott came closer to Mitch,who cocked an eyebrow at him and smiled.'Oh yeah,what?'
The mood between them changed once again,and the intensity in Scott's eyes made him tense in all the right ways.'I guess I forgot' Scott breathed,putting his hands on both sides of Mitch,who now had nowhere to go.He unconsciously bit his lip as he stared down at Scott,like he always did,but the blonde noticed it.
'Don't bite your lip at me,Mitchie.' Scott whispered and cupped the brunette's face with one of his hands.Mitch didn't even breath.The blonde suddenly brushed his finger on Mitch's lower lip,gently,just enough to send a mass of electricity all throughout his body.'We have so much to talk about.' Scott whispered once again and tilted his head slightly,inches between them,so painfully close their noses were touching.Mitch was painfully aware that from someone else's point of view,it looked like Scott was about to kiss him.And if that wasn't the case,then he'd probably explode because of that thumb playing with his lip,which was driving him insane.Or because of the hypnotizing way Scott looked at him.
'C'mon guys,it's time for the drinking games!' Kirstie barged in the room,already tipsy herself.Scott quickly followed her,not looking back;Mitch exhaled and smiled,licking his lips.This was going to be interesting.
/
'So the rules are simple.Someone says something,and if that thing is true you have to take a shot and then say something else yourself.I'll start'
Everyone was gathered in a circle and Kirstie seemed to be the leader of the game,pouring drinks like it was nobody's business.Mitch was sat in a corner,smiling at his bubbly best friend.She'd always been the life of the party,even in high school.Scott was on the other side of the room,as far away from Mitch as possible.Or so it looked.A guilty look glimmered in his eyes,and he seemed to have a tough time making eye contact with Jo,who sat next to him,looking as gorgeous as ever,even with a beer in her hands.
Mitch rolled his eyes at the sight and prepared his shot for whatever wacky thing Kirstie would come up with;it was going to take a lot of tequila to numb the things Scott made him feel earlier.Kirstie cleared her voice.
'I have kissed or wanted to do more with someone other than my girlfriend/boyfriend.'
A couple of laughs and nudges were shared.Some people took shots,other simply looked down,embarrassed,and took a sip of their beer.Kirstie beamed,seemingly happy with the how many people she made drink with her sentence.But Mitch froze,and so did Scott.The brunette held his breath and prayed to God Scott was sober enough to realize that it would definitely,certainly not be a good idea to take a shot whilst standing so dangerously close to his girlfriend.
But in the little pause of silence between the last laugh trailing off and the next talking,Scott slowly picked his shot glass up and downed it in one swift move,leaving both Kirstie and Jo with wide,staring eyes and making Mitch almost choke on his own drink,not believing the amount of mess the blonde had just got them in.
Jo suddenly got up and before Scott had time to say anything,she left the room by banging the door loudly behind her.The blonde followed quickly after.
It took a few minutes for Mitch to groan and get up too.
___________
As he stepped forward through the dark hallway Mitch couldn't see anyone;he just heard both of them yelling.At first it was a trail of mumbled words,the music from the living room to loud to make anything audible.But the voices got louder and louder,and he realized they were coming this way.In the spurr of the moment he entered the bathroom and got in the tub,pulling the shower curtain behind him and trying his best not to make a sound.
This was ridiculous.What was he even hiding from.It all made him feel so pathetic.He was hiding in his best friend's tub and he was sneaking in on his fight with his real,actual girlfriend.He froze as the door opened and both of them barged in.He just hoped none of them pulled the curtain,because explaining what exactly he was doing there was certainly not something he knew how to explain without sounding crazy.
'I'm sorry you feel like it's my fault you're where you are!I didn't force you to take this job,or this apartment,and I certainly didn't force you to be with me!' Mitch could hear the frustration and the anger in Jo's voice and couldn't help but feel sympathy for her.
'No,but I didn't choose it either!Do you think it's easy getting up everyday to a life you don't want,going to a job you hate,being in a relationship you don't '
Scott's voice cut off because he realized he was about to say it out loud.Mitch's heart throbbed in pain and he felt so ashamed;it was not his place to be here,he wasn't supposed to hear all of this.Kirstie was right,he should've let it go.He should've distanced himself a long time ago,but instead he kept coming back for more,and now he was about to become the reason for two people breaking up.
'You don't what,Scott?You don't want?Go ahead,say it.I know that's what you've always wanted to say.I know I'm not the real thing for you.I'm just for the show.' The girl spat back at him with anger,and Mitch could hear her inhale before talking again,this time in a sad,heartbreaking whisper.
'I know I'm the only one in love in this relationship.I've known for some time.'
Mitch gasped,but he was pretty sure neither of them noticed.Because the air was so loaded,and so heavy,just like before a thunderstorm.And Mitch wished to be anywhere but there,in the middle of one.He had no choice but to endure that silence along with them.What he heard next surprised him though.
Scott kissed Jo.The sounds of their mouth coming together and drifting apart made Mitch sick to his stomach with sadness and jealousy and a general mixture of bad emotions.It didn't last for long: Scott stopped and sighed deeply,sounding frustrated and angry.'Why can't I just-Why can't I just do what's right and just love..you.'
Mitch didn't hear much after that.Just the sound of the door opening and closing.But then Jo started crying.
At first it was hushed,and mostly silent.But then her chest couldn't contain the sobs anymore,and now she was barely catching her breath,her face red from crying.Mitch shifted a little and closed his eyes,wishing he could un-hear everything.He felt so guilty and although Jo was clearly not his favorite person,she didn't deserve any of it.It was hard to bear hearing this seemingly perfect barrier she kept up crashing down.
It took a few minutes for her breathing to steady and her sobs to stop.She eventually sighed deeply and stopped,simply sniffling from time to time.Mitch was waiting for her to leave any time now,so he could finally get out of this damn bathroom.
'It's ok Mitch,you can get out.'
She pulled the curtain and smiled sadly at him,running a hand through her now loose,messy hair.Mitch felt his face was about to melt off from how red with embarrassment it was.
'I'm so sorry,I hid in here and then you came in yelling and I couldn't ..' Mitch began ranting but had a hard time finding words,he just felt so bad.So he shut himself up.'It's ok.It's been like this for ages.'
'I'm sorry for what happened out there,I don't know what came into Kirstie.And we didn't -nothing happened,just so you know.He's just drunk and I'm ..' Mitch wasn't sure.He was certain Scott was going to kiss him if Kirstie hadn't interrupted them earlier.In the heat of the moment he wanted nothing more,but now,having just witnessed Jo breaking down,he knew it was wrong.Because Scott was drunk and not thinking clearly-but what excuse did he have?
She waved her hand in a 'don't even bother' gesture.Jo looked down at her feet gathered under her and her eyes were filled with such sadness it surprised Mitch.Not only because she was usually confident,happy and sarcastic -Mitch's biggest enemy but also someone who he envied and kind of admired,but also because that sadness looked ..old.Like it had a home in her eyes,just as Scott's had in his.
'I'm not blind,you know.I've seen the way you look at him.And sometimes,when you're both distracted by each other,and he's too happy to even think about what he's doing for a second,he looks at you like that too.And his whole being just..shines,you know?It's like he's looking at the freaking sun.I'm absolutely sure he's never looked at me like that.'
Mitch coughed and looked away,not knowing what to do with himself.
'I had no idea he was this miserable.And I love him' Jo added.
She met Mitch's stare and his heart felt like it just plunged into his stomach.
'..but so do you.'
/