Archive of Our Own

yoongi knew from the moment he was introduced to taehyung that he would have to keep an eye out for him. 

bright eyed, energetic, and not unlike the lint that sticks to fray sweaters -- the fray sweater being jimin --, taehyung was a force to be reckoned with. when they had first started dating, jimin introduced taehyung to him as his closest friend. they'd grown up together and had always been loyal and fervently protective of the other. they'd gone from simply throwing milk in the faces of elementary bullies to slamming senior jocks heads facedown on the lunch table. all in the name of the other's honor.

"we were a little more aggressive back then," jimin had confessed sheepishly. "i mean, tae was the one who messed that guy's face up but he meant well."

the image never left yoongi's mind despite jimin's constant reassurance that taehyung had taken anger management and was on a steady road to improvement. despite never having actually witnessed it, he still couldn't get the picture of adolescents jimin and taehyung quietly eating lunch in their high school's cafeteria. no matter how innocently taehyung smiled at him, he couldn't remove the picture of some beefy jock coming up to them, dishing out insult after insult directed at jimin. no matter how often jimin told him about taehyung being more innocent than he let on, he couldn't stop seeing taehyung reach over and grab the roots of that beefy guy's hair and slam it down onto the table top.

jimin could say taehyung was innocent all he wanted and yoongi would still be wary.

but more than the elements of rage and domineering physicality, yoongi was wary of taehyung because taehyung notices. 

no matter what it is, taehyung always notices.

"what kind of beer do you want?" jimin turns away from the shelves to ask him. "or do you even want beer? should we get something flavored?"

yoongi's face scrunches up. "beer is disgusting, babe. besides it's namjoon's stupid party, shouldn't he be the one supplying the beer?"

"i owe him a favor," jimin shrugs. "er...hoseok owes him a favor but i'm covering for him. so whiskey?"

"too strong, why are so nice to people?"

jimin turns back to rouse the shelves. "because there are more than enough assholes to go around. vodka?"

"perfect."

jimin puts the bottle in the shopping cart and yoongi takes his hand as they fall into stride. 

"are we done now?"

"no, i have to get some chocolate croissants."

yoongi scoffs. "what for?"

"it's for jin hyung."

if not for his ability to quickly mask all of his emotions or his fast reflexes due to years on the basketball team, yoongi would have stopped in his tracks completely. but he manages to not give himself away. "jin?"

"yeah," jimin nods excitedly like jin is some sort of ultra rare delicacy. "this is like the only time he's ever been able to hang out with us, with his busy schedule and all. i'm pretty excited."

does he. who doesn't? jimin is the kind of person who wants everyone he cares about to know each other well. so it was only shortly after he'd introduced taehyung that he'd introduced jin and when that happened, yoongi's entire world collapsed.

jin had taken his hand and given it a firm shake along with a distinct squeeze. "it's nice to finally meet you! jimin talks about you every day without fail."

at the time, yoongi had blamed the way his words caught in his throat on the fact that jin was stunning. he'd manage to once again be discreet but taehyung noticed.

because taehyung always notices.

yoongi hums. "and jin likes chocolate croissants, huh?"

jimin hums in confirmation and they fall into silence again, yoongi wondering why he'd bothered to ask about the chocolate croissants because he knows jin likes chocolate croissants.

after all, he didn't spend a great deal of his money on chocolate croissants specifically for jin and just forget about it. in his defense, he wasn't trying to court or flirt with jin at the time, he was simply showering him in his favorite pastries because he wanted to make friends with him.

"you're not friendly," taehyung had said one day after he stumbled into the same bakery yoongi frequented for the golden croissants. "you know i like milkshakes, you didn't buy me a bunch everyday."

yoongi, of course, didn't say that he didn't shower taehyung in milkshakes because he didn't have a crush on him. at the time he couldn't even really admit it to himself.

how much of a tool was he to have a crush on his boyfriend's friend?

like normal, hoseok engulfs him in a bone breaking embrace and yoongi knows he's already a little high because he's being quiet.

"hyung," he drawls in a low voice with a dizzy smile. "you finally made it."

"and you couldn't wait to get the party started," jimin chuckles as he shuffles in with the rest of the party favors. "tae, could you carry this?"

hoseok lets go of him just as seokjin approaches and taehyung passes with a knowing, marginally judgmental expression. yoongi probably would glare because a crush doesn't mean infidelity but he can't focus on much because seokjin is standing in front of him with open arms.

yoongi swallows hard, keeping his eyes down in an attempt to not make his obvious fluster seem like mere discomfort. but jin takes him in and yoongi's senses are overloading with him.  

"glad you could make it."

yoongi whimpers silently.

weed always makes taehyung a lot easier to deal with. when he's high he becomes somewhat docile like he's a yoga master with portishead on repeat. right now his head is on jimin's lap and his eyes have fallen closed. when taehyung is like this, yoongi can relax.

so maybe he takes the moment to observe the eldest. admire him in his white pullover, fawn over the way his fringe is messy, the way the warm chocolate from his pastry ooze onto his hand, and the way his cheeks hollow when he sucks it off his finger.

okay, maybe he should look away now.

"enjoying the show?"

yoongi sputters on his drink, the red cup nearly slipping from his hand when he turns to his side to glare at namjoon. "i liked you better when you didn't talk."

"don't get prickly," namjoon settles down cross legged, passing off his blunt. "there isn't anyone who knows jin that doesn't look at him like that. even hoseok does and he's with hwasa now. well...maybe taehyung doesn't."

"taehyung?" yoongi's sights fall onto jimin who's leaning against the couch next to jeongguk with taehyung still on his lap. "why?"

namjoon smiles at him, his eyes cloudy. "don't play dumb, hyung."

and, yeah, yoongi shrugs mentally because he isn't stupid and he knows taehyung is protective of jimin for more than one reason.

somewhere down the line, jeongguk suggests that they play a game because "it's fun sitting in the basement doing nothing but..." and that game ends up being truth or dare.

maybe if yoongi hadn't gone a little overboard with carousing, he would have been a little more objective but at this point they were all properly wasted and truth or dare sounded like fun.

"i'll start," hoseok's hand shoots up and jin has to dive out of the way to avoid a bloody nose. yoongi thinks it's cute. "okay, namjoon. truth or dare?"

"truth."

everyone groans loudly. "so boring, always playing it safe."

"just ask your question."

hoseok sighs. "well then...what's the worst thing you've ever done?"

namjoon scoffs. "and you call me lame."

"just answer your question."

"i don't know," he shrugs. "i guess i've managed to live my life like a saint this whole time."

"bullshit!" jeongguk yells proudly like he's back in grade school and has the right answer. "guys, you wouldn't believe what he did just to impress a date back in--"

"shut up," namjoon warns. "i'm serious."

jeongguk holds his hands up defensively. "i have no idea if it's the worst thing he's ever done but i've got to say even i hated him a bit afterward."

"if you don't shut--"

"he stole money from his grandma!"

everyone gasps and groans. yoongi's heard of a lot of bad things but that's got to be the worst. 

"what the hell is wrong with you?" taehyung shakes his head disapprovingly. 

this namjoon is holding up his hands. "i put it right back! you guys are acting like i killed her."

"might as well," jimin mutters next to yoongi.

jin clicks his tongue and namjoon groans, crossing his arms. 

"moving on!" he breathes out. "okay since you're all so great. yoongi, truth or dare?"

"dare," yoongi says, or more appropriately slurs, to namjoon's disdain. he feels jimin gently prying his fingers off of his full cup but he doesn't fight him.

"i dare you to kiss the prettiest person in the room."

yoongi hears jimin giggle next to him. it would be so easy to just turn and peck him right there. but there's more alcohol than logic to him right now. so he gets up on unsteady legs and stumbles across to jin, falling down on his knees in front of him.

jin's eyes widen and he looks terrified like he's just been confronted by a serial killer. but before he can say anything, yoongi's hands are on the nape of his neck and their lips are finally pressed together.

the silence is as if all of the air is taken out of the room and everyone has dropped dead. but yoongi can't be bothered with that when he can't figure out why jin is pushing away from him. when he pulls away, he looks into jin's eyes for an answer but jin looks over his shoulder instead.

and yoongi remembers a bit too late because jimin is already running out of the basement, seokjin hot on his trail.

jeongguk is the first to break the silence with a click of the tongue and a blunt declaration:

"well, that was fucked up."

and yoongi sinks because yes, it was. but no, he doesn't feel bad.

shit.

yoongi is not dodging kim taehyung.

he's just changed his work schedule a little, stopped going to the bakery, takes two trains and a bus to avoid the common shortcut he takes him but it's not because he's dodging kim taehyung.

if anyone is dodging anyone, it's jimin. he hasn't responded to any of yoongi's text, not a single answer to his phone calls, no contact at all. he's only seen jimin once and that was when he was walking to his job. yoongi would have crossed the street in a heartbeat to get to him but taehyung was right next to him like the overbearing bodyguard he pretends to be.

"hey, babe," yoongi clears his throat. this is the nth time he's left jimin a voicemail message. "i know you probably hate me right now. probably wish my existence is a fluke. but i...i still really love you and i just want you to let me apologize to you properly...okay, i love you. call me."

"i hope that's your last message to him."

yoongi whips around, away from his desk, and sees none other than kim taehyung leaning against the entrance of his cubicle. his heart totally doesn't skip a beat. he swallows thickly.

"what's it to you?"

taehyung taps his fingers against the partition. "you have a lot of nerve, you know that?"

yoongi sighs. "please...whatever you're gonna do, go ahead and do it."

"i'm not gonna do anything to you," taehyung clenches his fists, coiled tight until his knuckles are pale. "see, the difference between you and me, is that i like to consider jimin's feelings. if i did what i wanted to do to you, he would hate me."

"can't have that, can you?"

"god, it would be so easy too," taehyung groans and clicks his tongue regretfully. "no one will see me do it. you're too prideful to ever tell anyone that a scrawny twenty year old kicked the shit out of you. win-win. but i won't do it."

in the back of his mind, in the quiet, trusting arms of his subconscious, yoongi thanks taehyung's anger management counselor and swears to god that he will start going to church.

"in return," the younger continues with a meek shrug. "i just want you stop calling him. don't call, don't text, don't stalk like you did before you guys started going out. just take you and your poison out of his life."

"you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

 taehyung only smiles in response before walking away. 

"jimin, hey, i know this is like the tenth message i left you today but i really, really want to talk things out with you. you know  i was drunk, it meant nothing at all. i could barely see straight, you know? so, uh, yeah just call me back when you get this? please?"

"i'm not allowed to talk to you," jeongguk says seriously as he zigzags his way through the gym, trying to escape yoongi's quick pace.

"not allowed?" yoongi balks. "what are you, seven?"

"no but jin hyung says i'm not allowed and if it was hobi hyung, i might be able to hang out with you. but it was jin hyung and he helps pay my tuition so..."

"he doesn't want to talk to me?"

"why would he?" jeongguk purposely walks through the pep talk circle of more than five body builders just so yoongi can squirm as he does the same. "according to him, you've single handedly ruined his friendship and broke jimin's heart and all in less than thirty seconds."

"can you please just stop and talk to me, i'm getting winded."

jeongguk scoffs but he does stop, his eyes scanning the rest of the gym as if he's making sure no one can see him fraternizing with the enemy. "i told you to run daily, you never listen."

"how is jimin?"

"what do you think?"

yoongi wants jimin to be okay, he wants to jimin to have reached acceptance over this whole debacle and wants to go back to him. but a part of him, a part that yoongi is trying hard to ignore, kind of wants jimin to continue feeling bad. "not good, i guess."

jeongguk rolls his eyes and yoongi has half a mind to tell him to cut it out and respect his elders. but who is he kidding? this is the same kid who laughed in his face when he first told him to call him hyung.

"look, i didn't get a chance to apologize to him. not properly anyway. and taehyung is watching over him like a really annoying hawk."

"so?"

"so could you please do me a favor and get me some airtime? just so i can tell him how bad i feel?"

jeongguk narrows his eyes, letting his stare fall on yoongi's for the first time, and crosses his arms. "do you though?"

yoongi nods even though his natural reaction is to shrug his shoulders instead. "really bad."

jeongguk sniffs and steps closer. "i'm in my senior year and i still have four years of med school left, i'm not anywhere close to being out of this inferno. if jin finds out about this, i will kill you. and trust me, i'm a med student, i know how to make it look like an accident."

yoongi sometimes hates jeongguk.

he has a smart mouth, he's disrespectful, he thinks he's god's gift to the world but he's also really smart because right now jimin is standing directly in front of him looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. 

"so...how have you been?"

jimin looks at him, his expression similar to what it might look like if a disgusting lizard man with snot coming out of its snout asked him out for a drink. the younger just sighs and steps away, nearing the staircase. right now they're on the roof jimin's work building and the wind is blowing hard but yoongi needs to be in this moment. he reaches over and gently takes hold of jimin's hand. 

jimin grits his teeth. "i hate it when you do that."

"just wait a second, please."

the younger turns to him and, still in his work clothes, yoongi swallows because he looks like the best thing ever. could be the way his white linen shirt sort of hugs at his body or the way the frames of his glasses add a sparkle to his eyes, either or.

"you haven't been answering my calls--"

"so it's my fault that you--?"

"and i wanted to give you a proper apology," yoongi continues unscathed. "i've gone over how to say this in my head so many times but it never works out. i always just end up saying the same thing but...jimin, i am really sorry. that night, i don't know what i was thinking. i was drunk and i was stupid and you have every right to hate me. but i do love you. it's important you know that."

jimin's eyes pierce into his, dark and unreadable. after some time, he shakes his head and scoffs, his eyes returning to the cityscape. "you have no idea, do you?"

"i'm sorry?"

"you think it's just the fact that you kissed jin?" jimin heaves a sigh and runs his hands through his hair, brushing it back in tangled mess. "that would be stupid. for me to react the way i did over a drunken peck that was over in less than a second, don't you think?"

one of the things yoongi hates is looking vulnerable which is why he wears so many layers when he sleeps at parties because sleep is the king of vulnerability. and really who wants anyone to see themselves in such a weak state. despite that, yoongi is pretty sure his face, confused and desperate, is the face of vulnerability at the moment. 

"you like him," jimin murmurs and yoongi almost misses it. "you have for a while."

yoongi can't bring himself to speak but the question must be in his eyes because next jimin says:

"taehyung told me," he worries his lip. "a long time ago but i didn't want to believe him. i wanted to think he was being overprotective like always."

"he told you?"

"he tells me everything," the way jimin says it makes yoongi feel guilty because the unlike you is intended. "he even told me he went to see you at work last week. he even told me about the stupid chocolate croissants. yoongi...the kiss is nothing. the kiss, i could forgive. but two months ago you started looking at jin hyung the way you used to look at me. and that's why i'm breaking up with you."

maybe yoongi shouldn't be so surprised.

and maybe he should be a lot sadder.

but he can't make himself do anything he is supposed to do. he barricades himself in his apartment but he does it more for show than he does for actual mourning and heartbreak. even though a part of him feel guilty for not actually being heartbroken, another part of him is screaming with the picture of jimin's face on that rooftop. 

they hadn't seen each other in weeks and jimin's face wasn't screaming desolation and isolation. it was still jimin's face, just as charming as ever. maybe neither of them was as sad as they were supposed to be. 

the isolation had only a lasted a few days (just a long weekend) and he was back out to get to work. he was going out for drinks with namjoon and hoseok (in really dark bars because neither of them knew if they were allowed to go out with yoongi). he was reentering society.

but maybe that was a bad idea because seokjin is staring at him with his mouth wide open and his eyes the picture of disgust. yoongi feels like he could have maybe reconsidered some of his decisions but he also feels like just being near seokjin is worth the embarrassment he's feeling.

"are you kidding me?" the older gawks, his voice merely a gasp. 

yoongi wishes he was kidding.

he wishes that the small infatuation he had for jin had just stayed a small infatuation, a little harmless crush. he wishes that the way his voice catches in his throat whenever he talks to him is just an effect of that jin has on people. he really does wish he was kidding. 

the apology he came to jin with had started off okay ("what i did was wrong and hurtful") but then it fell into something that made jin's face twist up in horror ("but i don't regret it because...") and now yoongi thinks he should reconsider being honest about the way he feels.

"i'm sorry."

"you're sorry?" jin scoffs. "you manage to break jimin's heart at the same time you completely ruin my relationship with him and you don't regret it but you're sorry?"

when you say it like that...

"i'm sorry that it makes you uncomfortable," yoongi clarifies. "i'm sorry because that's not what i want. i just wanted you to know the truth."

"so i could what? go out with you?"

yoongi hopes he doesn't look as hopeful as he feels. god, what is wrong with him?

"what is wrong with you?" jin steps closer and his voice, a whisper, comes out as more of a hiss. "you only broke up with jimin two days ago."

"three," yoongi corrects. "and he broke up with me."

"that's even worse."

"look, we don't have to date. all i really want is for you know. that's it."

"good," jin nods shortly. "because i would never go out with you. not in a million years."

namjoon had told him that jimin was doing okay but yoongi thought okay simply meant not crying at every moment and eating regularly. he didn't think okay meant taehyung's tongue down jimin's throat.

but he can't say his surprised either.

"sorry to interrupt."

at the sound of his voice, the two pull away from each other and jimin's face turns red. taehyung's doesn't however but he smirks and presses his thumb against his bottom lip. 

"what are you doing here?"

yoongi lifts the box in his hands. "stuff you left at my place."

taehyung steps forward. "you shouldn't be here, you could have left it at the front desk."

yoongi notes the protective arm taehyung has around jimin's waist and it starts to make sense that jimin never really looked like he was broken up about their breakup. "relax, superman, it's not even like i'm in the apartment. if we're talking about things we should and shouldn't do, making out in the middle of the hallway is--"

"none of your business."

"you can just," jimin steps up, his voice nervous, and takes the box from yoongi. "leave it here. thank you for bringing it by."

"jimin," yoongi tightens his grip on the box and jimin gapes at him. "you know, i always thought it was funny that he was over all the time even though he has his own place. and then, you know, you gave me that speech about how upset you were but here you are."

"am in the wrong for kissing someone after i break up with my boyfriend?"

yoongi laughs because, once again, he's not stupid.

"sure," he says. "let's pretend this started after."

it isn't for another month that yoongi sees jimin again and when he does, it's when he's babysitting his niece. he'd taken her ice skating for the day and was watching her make figure eights when jimin settled down on the bench beside him.

yoongi doesn't tear his eyes away from her even when jimin speaks. "she's gotten better."

"she practices everyday," yoongi can't help the proud smile that breaks out on his face. 

"she could go pro one day."

yoongi hums in agreement and they fall into an oddly comfortable silence.

for yoongi the break up wasn't as bad as he thought it would turn out. in fact, he felt no difference between being with jimin and being without him. a few days into it, it made him feel guilty. he couldn't pin what it was that he felt but he just knew feeling it made him feel guilty. 

"how did you know?" jimin speaks up again and even though they're right next to each other, his voice sounds like it couldn't be farther away.

yoongi's niece does a perfect toe loop jump and he applauds heartily. "one day you invited me over for dinner. you left the door unlocked for me and when i walked in, you were standing in front of the stove."

yoongi's niece slows down in front of him and he shoots her a thumbs up before continuing. "and you smiled at me, gave me a kiss. then taehyung came out of the bathroom and he was a little surprised to see me but he said hi. that's when i knew."

"that's it?"

"yeah," yoongi nods. "you guys looked at each other like you had a secret."

jimin takes his own turn to smile and cheer for yoongi's niece. "a look told you, huh?"

"well you haven't seen how you look when you see him."

"i'm guessing it's the same way you look at jin hyung, huh?"

laughter bubbles up in yoongi's throat. it's light but it's not unwelcome. 

"i'm sorry," jimin's voice is quiet. "i didn't mean for it to happen the way it did."

yoongi shrugs. "it was bound to."

"how do you mean?"

tearing his eyes away from his niece, yoongi turns to look at jimin for the first time and offers him a smile. "jimin, the first date we went on was basically a taehyung-athon. for the first half anyway. you wouldn't stop talking about how i needed to meet him, how amazing he was, and i knew then how you felt. i just didn't know you were fucking him until that day."

jimin sinks into himself in shame. "i never thought i'd be a cheater."

"if it's any consolation, i don't think you cheated on me. you and taehyung were right from the start. if anything, you cheated on him when you started dating me."

"still..."

jimin reaches over and quietly takes yoongi's hand in his. yoongi lets him, holding on tight to the last remnants of what they had. they both turn back to the rink and a light pop ballad plays in the background.

"do you think we were ever in love with each other?"

yoongi squeezes jimin's hand. "i think we really wanted to be."