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Yeah, Louis used to be in love with Harry.
He remembers the first time they looked at each each other. They were both so young at the time, so clueless. Louis just saw a boy with nice hair and a golden voice. That’s why he was there, after all. Harry was so innocent, yet so filthy at the same time. He was like the boy you read about in nursery rhymes. Pretty and quiet.
He was little boy blue.
Louis remembers staring at his lips. It wasn’t that he wanted to kiss them, no, not yet. They were just very, very pink; dark, noticeable. Louis couldn’t help but befriend him, it was like second nature. Harry found Louis very charming as he spoke to them before boot camp on the X-Factor. He was hilarious and kind.
It wasn’t hard for Louis to accept the fact he loved Harry. It was their third week at the X-Factor house as a band and being around Harry gave him that feeling he’s only felt a few times before. Harry was first to speak up, and they could live in ease know that the feelings were mutual. They were happy sharing a bed and holding hands over meals, hugging like they were the only two people there. Harry was loud and proud about it, and Louis made jokes. Harry and Louis were still Harry and Louis, regardless.
The band as bummed when they didn’t win the X-Factor, but they knew so much more was in store for them. Simon, their manager, had told them so. Louis and Harry shook it off, because they didn’t want to believe this was over for them. Harry was especially worried that once he and Louis had gone back to their home lives, they’d grow apart. Several nights leading up to their first promo after they were sacked from the competition was filled with Louis making promises that he didn’t know if he could keep. He was convincing himself just as much as he was convincing Harry.
Every one of them were keeping their fingers crossed for something good to happen, and eventually everything as study. Their careers were just starting, big and bold. While everything was building, things for Harry and Louis were crumbling. Fame came at a cost, they assumed; and they were right. For the longest time they refused to acknowledge that they were slowly being forced apart by the people who promised to enhance their lives.
They were happy with themselves, but they were told everyone else wouldn’t be. Gay isn’t okay? That was something harry asked himself a lot. Louis knew he was particularly sensitive to this. Harry was sensitive. That’s why he felt broken seeing Louis with another girl. He knew Louis and Eleanor were fake, as fake as they come, but he felt wrecked. Louis was his and he shouldn’t have fight about it. They spent several nights fighting about it.
At some point, they weren’t themselves anymore. Everyone noticed, their bandmates included. Louis wasn’t the kid cracking jokes any more. Well—he was—but not in the way most people expected, and had admired for so many years. Harry was happy, or at least he tried to be. For the longest time everything felt like a challenge to him. Getting out of bed, eating, showering. He felt like a shell with a mask. He felt gross, painted on, used. Harry wasn’t the Harry he was before.
Eventually, things eroded to what they are today. Two boys—two men who were changed. An unspoken rule was made one morning, automatically. It was after the worst fight they had ever had, the one that split them. The rule was that you didn’t mention Louis and Harry the way they were before. It was like they never existed in the first place.
So yeah, Louis loved Harry. But they weren’t really Louis and Harry anymore, were they?