Archive of Our Own

I have a video that I watch in my bed
It replays in my head
You say you love me,
We lie together every night,
You touch me,
I'm losing track of time,
You kiss me,
I look into your eyes,

But it's only in my mind

"I know you hate all of us, but could you at least try to hide it?"

There's a stupid grin drawn on Jay's face as Sunghoon turns to face him. It was appalling how Jay always managed to find just the right words to make him seethe. Sunghoon likes to piss him off by telling him it's his only talent.

"Hilarious," Sunghoon deadpans, sliding further down on the couch and resting his arm over his stomach. "I only hate you."

Jay laughs out loud at that, his annoying laugh that only comes out when he successfully gets to press Sunghoon's buttons, pleased about being able to squeeze a reaction out of Sunghoon.

By the kitchen, Jake is holding on to his phone with both hands, wearing an oversized hoodie and some shorts, laughing as a video plays. Heeseung is right next to him, arm draped over his shoulder comfortably, like he fits there so well. He's leaning down to match Jake's height and their cheeks are almost pressed together, both of them with their eyes fixed on the screen.

This is terrible, really, a tragedy if you ask Sunghoon.

It's ridiculous that they look so pretty when the gap between them is so small. It's even worse that Sunghoon swears he heard Jake say something along the lines of "Hyung, this was what I meant to send last night over text,"  in a worryingly cheerful tone.

Last night? Texting? Them, together? Sunghoon feels uneasy and suddenly very heavy, like there's something in his core weighing him down, and he blames it on hitting practice too hard earlier.

He wants to keep watching, overhearing, intruding—but he doesn't. He settles for turning to look at Jay who's now sitting next to him, shoulder pressed too close for comfort against his own, once again failing to respect the concept of personal space.

"Well you were looking at Heeseung like he hurt you," Jay exaggerates, making a comical expression of shock, and Sunghoon is perplexed at his stupidity. 

"This is my normal face," Sunghoon lies, knot forming in his stomach at the fact that he was staring and Jay, of all people, noticed. This all feels like a nightmare. 

"Did you guys fight or something?"

"Are you listening to anything I'm saying?"

"Honestly no," Jay sighs, shoving his own shoulder against Sunghoon and getting up on his feet again. "You're just fun to bother when you're angry." 

Sunghoon doesn't have anything else to respond, so he shrugs Jay off with a curse under his breath and pulls his own phone from the pouch of his hoodie, scowl on his face.

He's not angry, just—

"Send me the link later tonight," Heeseung chuckles, low and comfortable, still pretty close to Jake, and Sunghoon can hear Jake agree. He was trying not to listen in, but it's like the universe is against him right now and the sound of their voices is amplified just to disturb him. 

Annoyed. He's annoyed and he doesn't fully understand why. Sunghoon can feel heat start at his chest and crawl up his neck and he starts to wonder if he actually is sick. Before he can think about what he's doing, his text messages with Jake are on his screen. Risky, but for a moment Sunghoon doesn't care, his actions too swift for him to properly think anything through.

we should text more often.

Uh, no. This was not a good idea. 

Sunghoon deletes his draft as quickly as he typed it out. It was stupid and cringe. Just reading it over once made Sunghoon want to die.

He scrolls through his pictures aimlessly after that, cheeks burning in embarrassment, because it's bothering him that Heeseung probably didn't even have to ask.

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It was on one of those nights, the type that seem to last an eternity, that Sunghoon came to a frightening realization. 

 "You should really go to sleep." 

Sunghoon nearly drops his phone on his face, not expecting to hear anyone at this hour. He slowly turns his head to look in the general direction of Jay's bed. There was barely enough light in the room to make out his face. He was looking at him with one eye peering out of his sleep mask.

"You've been on that phone for hours."

"Mind your own business, maybe," Sunghoon responds, turning his back towards Jay and reluctantly tucking his phone under his chin. Right before he does, he catches a quick glimpse of the time—it was already two in the morning. Sure, it was definitely dangerously late for a Wednesday, but still no reason for Jay to be on his ass. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was," Jay groans, and Sunghoon can hear him toss and turn. "Then I woke up, and you were still on your fucking phone." 

"Can't sleep, what do you want me to do?" Sunghoon's voice is near unintelligible now, eyes closed as he scratches the back of his head at the thought of having to complete their group schedules with barely any sleep. 

"Were you watching your own fancams?" Jay asks, hints of mockery laced between his words. Even while half asleep he finds ways to piss Sunghoon off.

"No, you idiot," Sunghoon quickly responds, peering back over his shoulder in the general direction of Jay's figure in the dark. "Besides, why the fuck do you care?"

"Whatever," Jay brushes him off, taking one last peek at Sunghoon only to see a bright light emitting from his bed once again. He rests his head against his pillow, defeated. "If you fall asleep during work tomorrow that's all you." 

Sunghoon chooses not to respond, furrowing his brows in annoyance as he hears Jay sigh before his breathing goes steady. Finally, Sunghoon thinks, hoping Jay will wake up a changed man who doesn't interfere with his personal life and bad decisions. Or, just a man that talks less, that would do. 

He's still as awake as he was thirty minutes ago and scrolling through his last used apps to try and pass some time. After debating between YouTube and Twitter, he decides on the latter, opening it up to his secret account. He's greeted by all sorts of posts from the fans, ranging from fancams to fanart. He enjoys scrolling through the timeline like any of their fans would, hiding behind an irrelevant account with eight letters and digits for a name. 

Everything was going alright and he was decently entertained, monitoring posts that mentioned himself or the group until he found himself lingering over a specific post for longer than usual. 

The frightening realization that Sunghoon came to that night was that he definitely didn't feel completely normal about Jake. 

Jake's image was in ultra high definition. His makeup was done just right, in a way that complimented his alluring eyes. His hair was styled differently than usual, a chunk of the hair on the back of his head tied up. The remaining parts of his hair that were down fell over the sides of his face and accentuated his features flawlessly.

His eyes are looking right into the camera, and Sunghoon somehow feels nervous, as if their eyes are meeting after Sunghoon was caught staring for too long. He looked, for a lack of a better (less weird) word, perfect. 

Sunghoon was just stuck there, mouth agape, thumb hovering over the image on his screen. He scrolls down and he's met with a plethora of praises in the replies that somehow resonate with his own thoughts: 

he actually looks like a prince

idk how someone can look this good

so pretty, my jaeyun!!!!

Hesitantly, he scrolls back up to check the tags. It was a picture of Jake before their special Fatal Trouble stage on Mcountdown, looking more like a digital render than a real person. Without thinking too much of it, he presses on #JAKE, eyes fixed on his screen. Somehow, he knows he will regret it.

He's never gone through the posts of one of the other members in particular. He only ever goes through his own tags and the posts related to the group as a whole, because that's the normal thing to do. Now, as he scrolls through search results filled with Jake, he feels strange.

Definitely not normal.

This is stupid, Sunghoon thinks, and then he's stopping on a clip of Jake (240519, as the post kindly reminds Sunghoon) throwing the hood of his jacket back to show fans what his hair tied up would look like. It loops for a while, and Sunghoon doesn't want to know how long exactly, as the beginning of Teeth plays in the background of the clip. 

So baby, come and get it, tell me everything you want—

Without realizing it, Sunghoon is using his left hand to fidget with his bottom lip nervously. His right hand holds his phone, thumb hovering over the screen.

Jake would look real pretty while someone grabs a fistful of his hai—

Wait, what the fuck?

No, nope, absolutely no way in hell. That was it for Sunghoon, that marked the limit. Things were progressing beyond weird, because why the fuck did he just think about that like it was nothing? 

He locks his phone immediately, refusing to turn it back on for the rest of the night, because the realization washes over him like a bucket of ice down the back of his shirt. Sunghoon had never thought about any man like this, especially one of his friends, but when it comes to Jake, everything is so different.

Sunghoon catches himself staring into the darkness of his room, eyes wide, phone pressed to his chest which he can feel thudding. 

It wasn't just any thought—it was Jake, his friend, male, by the way —with his hair being grabbed while he got touched, or fucked, or whatever. He truly doesn't know how everything spiraled into this mess, but it's three in the morning now, and Sunghoon tries to blame his semi on the fact that it's late and he's tired. 

Definitely not Jake and his pretty hair.

Sunghoon lasts a grand total of five minutes believing Jake had nothing to do with this until he's thinking about it again, Jake and his pretty hair, like a moth to a flame.

The red tint on his cheeks would be clearly visible as he scrunched up his face a bit in light pain, biting down on his bottom lip.

His hair would get pulled back and his head with it, and the sound that would get punched out of him would be a beautiful mix of shock and pleasure as he scrambled to hold on to something. 

"More," Jake would gasp, an open invitation to pull more, harder. Who would be able to resist?

Oh, fuck. It's playing out in his head like a movie. Oh fucking hell, for fuck's sake, Jake is his best friend. 

Sunghoon is fully hard now and tries to ignore it to the best of his abilities, tossing his phone somewhere and placing his pillow over his face, resting both of his arms above it. Dying of asphyxiation right here doesn't sound like a bad idea, because he can feel himself throb in his shorts and the reason behind it makes him want to scream, Jay's sleep be damned. 

He forces himself to stay still, as long as it takes to fucking get rid of this erection he most certainly can't take care of. Sunghoon knows it would be a big mistake, bigger than choosing to go through the Jake hashtag (and that was stupid as hell), because when his vision got blurry and the knot in his stomach grew tighter as he neared his orgasm, who would he think of? Whose face would he see behind closed eyes?

Sunghoon didn't try to answer that. He learned too much about himself tonight already.

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When Sunghoon casually checks his phone over breakfast, the clip of Jake displays on his screen the minute he unlocks it, still there. The spoon in his hand nearly falls onto the table.

It was nothing short of a jumpscare—he jolted in response, closing the app as quickly as his finger allowed, heart jumping in his chest, like someone who just got caught. It was an innocent post, and nobody would've batted an eye if they saw it displayed on his phone's screen, but to Sunghoon it meant so much more. 

The most terrifying part was being reminded that everything last night was real.

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"I saw the way Niki was holding it, and I just knew," Jungwon continued his story, grin on display. Sunghoon is slipping in and out of consciousness, leaning back against the seat of the van and trying to fight a losing battle with his heavy eyes. "And of course he dropped it in front of the whole camera crew—" Jungwon laughs, unable to keep going. Or, perhaps he did, Sunghoon wasn't sure.

After somehow pushing through a whole packed day of activities without falling flat on his face due to exhaustion, Sunghoon really regrets getting no sleep last night. He was so close to making a fool out of himself throughout the day, more times than what he can probably count, and it was all Jake's fault. 

Well, kinda. Not really. Jake was just there, being himself. Sunghoon was the one being weird about it. 

His internal conflict continues and he feels himself slipping, falling asleep with all the other members because he really can't fight it anymore, body going lax naturally against the seat after craving rest all day long. 

And, just because, Jake decided to sit next to him on the way home. Sunghoon thought it was nearly comedic. 

"Sunghoon, did you see—"

There is no Sunghoon, only the empty shell of a man who willingly put himself through torture last night for unknown reasons. 

"Oh, you're actually asleep." 

It's the voice that makes Sunghoon open his eyes. He could recognize Jake's voice anywhere, and the way his body quickly responds to it is nothing short of embarrassing. 

"Shit, sorry, uh—" he rubs his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie and tries to straighten himself up in his seat, face heating up as he feels Jake's eyes on him. "Yeah, I literally can't help it, not sure—"

"Rough night?" Jake interrupts him, words ending in a soft giggle and it was so painfully Jake that Sunghoon just nods. 

You have no idea.

"Maybe if he didn't spend all night on his phone," Jay adds in, uninvited, from behind them. Of course.

"I mean, I do the exact same thing sometimes and I don't even notice the time," Jake adds. Oh, I noticed, Sunghoon thinks, recalling that he was well aware of how late it was. There were just... other things on his mind. "Don't we all, though?" Jake asks, looking back at Jay, who frowns. 

"Fuck no, you guys are just masochists, I swear." 

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Everything just kept getting dangerously worse for Sunghoon. His one time incident, as much as he hated admitting it, turned into a habit. One that he was truly ashamed of, which he also had no idea how to quit. A lethal combination, really.

Step 1 was realizing he definitely felt something for Jake, whatever it was, or that Jake just made him feel some type of way. Maybe he was just horny. 

Step 2 was confirming it, and he has. A couple of times during the past four days, actually. In the form of bookmarked TikToks and Youtube videos added to his private playlist. 

They were all Jake, or related to Jake in some way.

It got to the point where the algorithm caught on, and his recommended videos were all Jake, too.

I just really like this song, Sunghoon tried convincing himself, he really did, saving yet another Jake edit to his bookmarks. After letting it loop about twenty (maybe more) times, eyes glued to the screen, he begrudgingly admitted it was not just the song. Sure, that kompa pasión song was catchy, the beat was fun and all that, but that was not what kept him entranced.

It was Jake, and the way his voice sounded when he spoke in English, accent heavy. It was Jake with his habit of biting his lips and letting his tongue peek out of his mouth while he dances. It was Jake and his veiny hands with his pink knuckles. 

Sunghoon can only take so much. As prideful as he may be, he is only human after all. 

It all comes tumbling down exactly six days after his realization. He decides to play a Jake fancam, facing Jay's direction to ensure he doesn't wake up randomly and catch a glimpse of the screen of his phone, and it was the biggest mistake he's made thus far. 

There was something about the video, or something about that night, that made Sunghoon finally break. 

He was hard, like super hard this time, so much that he couldn't handle it. It had been almost a week of this torture and his body was practically begging for release. 

Sunghoon tried convincing himself that it wasn't entirely due to watching Jake. Then, about a minute later, he catches himself quietly walking towards the bathroom, still thinking there's more at play here.

This is a bad idea, he thinks, opening and locking the bathroom door behind him as quietly as humanly possible in order to not alert anyone. If any of the members woke up right now, Sunghoon would be screwed.

And he was right, it was a bad idea, but as he leaned against the wall and shoved his hand into his sweats to touch himself, at least, the idea didn't seem half bad.

He touches himself very lightly, fingers gently grazing over the tip and sides of his cock. He's fucking leaking, precum oozing from his tip in thick globs he feels smear over and between his slender fingers. Sunghoon shakily slips his sweats below his hips, deciding he would skip all the awkward parts of this whole situation and just get the job done (as if jerking off while a video of your best friend plays on your phone wasn't awkward enough). 

The video is perfect—Jake is moving gracefully on stage, shirt hiking up with his strong movements and exposing his lightly toned abdomen, and Sunghoon watches while his hand pumps at a steady pace, wrapped so tight around his girth that his knees begin to tremble lightly. 

He's trying to think about something else, girls mostly, but it's hard when he can't seem to let go of his stupid phone. Against his will, or so he claims, his thoughts wander off to Jake again. Just because it's his video playing and all, you know? No other reason.

It feels so good and so wrong at the same time, getting off like this. Leaning against the wall, short of breath, left hand holding his phone horizontally, slick sounds of his hand working his cock echoing through the empty bathroom accompanied by the faint sounds of fans cheering in the background of Jake's fancam.

Sunghoon starts to think that it would be helpful to have Jake here with him, because he's chill like that, and maybe he'd agree to do Sunghoon a favor and jerk him off instead. Like friends do? No, shit, that didn't sound right—but it was a pleasant thought nonetheless.

Just the thought of Jake's hand wrapped around his length has Sunghoon's body reacting in truly humiliating ways, hips kicking forward and a whimper threatening to spill past his open lips. He has to grip the base of his cock hard to not come to the thought of Jake, still thinking he would be able to avoid it.

"Shit," he finds himself admitting defeat under his breath, picking up the pace again when a different Jake focused fancam starts on autoplay. It has the same effect on him and Sunghoon gives in to fucking his own fist even as his cheeks burn in shame, blaming it on having a rough week and not jerking off in God knows how long. 

When he's about to finish, there definitely is a foreign hand wrapped around his length, helping him out. There are certainly lips pressed to his ear, his neck, laughing into his skin and asking if he'd been wanting to do this for a while now. Shamefully, he nods yes, even if it's all in his head. That was enough to send him over the edge.

When he comes all over his own hand and he watches some of it leak down to the bathroom floor, he tries to occupy himself with cleaning his mess thoroughly and washing his hands three times to ignore the fact that his eyes didn't leave his phone's screen once. 

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For once, Sunghoon feels the need to thank Jay. Just this one time.

It was three in the morning about a week after the initial incident, or somewhat close to that time, when Sunghoon's fate finally changed. Yeah, it sounded dramatic, but that was literally how he felt when he was scrolling through his emails (staying away from Tiktok and Twitter for obvious reasons) and his phone dinged quietly in the dark, luckily low enough for Jay not to stir awake, all grumpy and curious. 

jake: hey lol

Was he dreaming? 

For a second he confidently believed he was, staring at the notification in honest disbelief until it disappeared from his screen and he was faced with his emails again. Huh? Was Jake texting him at three in the morning? 

There was just no way. 

Sunghoon eventually musters up the courage to open up his messages and he's greeted by great news:

1. He had not lost his mind. He thought it was coming based on how the past week had gone.

2. Jake was actually texting him right now. 

Sunghoon shouldn't feel like this. He shouldn't feel nervous, palms a tad sweaty as his heart beats a bit harder. It's Jake, his best friend, his coworker. However, given how the past week has played out, Sunghoon feels a hundred things at once, and all Jake had to send was a stupid hey lol to make him lose it. 

He drafts up a few responses to Jake, definitely overthinking a simple greeting due to the circumstances.

heyyyyyy

No, that sounds like he's too excited about it. They say the amount of letters used in a text message greeting speak volumes. He can't have that.

you're still awake?

Gosh, no—this one sort of sounds like he's annoyed. 

He settles for something short and simple, enough to open the conversation on Jake's end. It's important to keep things casual and comfortable, even if he's a jumbled mess on the inside.

sunghoon: sup

jake: can't sleep, wbu?

sunghoon: same

Sunghoon gulps after he sends the message, swallowing down a lump in his throat he can't really explain. He thinks of what he usually does when he can't sleep, and all of a sudden his TikTok bookmarks are coming back to haunt him. 

jake: srry for the random message btw

jake: i remembered jay said you're always on your phone at night

Sunghoon finds himself smiling at his screen, like a fool. Jake somehow remembered what Jay said like a month ago. Or however long it was, time seems to go by differently for Sunghoon these days. For once though, Sunghoon wants to leap into Jay's bed and thank him for oversharing.

sunghoon: yeah. he hates me for it

jake: sunoo worries about me but doesn't bother me about it

sunghoon: consider yourself lucky lol

The conversation is as normal as he expected, but Sunghoon for some reason can't stop himself from nervously tapping on the backside of his phone as he waits for Jake's reply. Jake was seemingly going through the same thing he was, although probably due to entirely different reasons. 

jake: so why is it that you can never sleep?

Fuck. Sunghoon's smile slowly dissipates, because it's getting real, they're diving into risky territory already. He can't really tell Jake the truth—that would be beyond weird. It would transcend the Weird Scale and probably draw a line of separation between Jake and himself so long he would never see the end of it. 

sunghoon: i just get easily distracted

sunghoon: i start scrolling and before i know it.. it's been like 2 hours

Trying his best to quickly shift the attention away from himself, smile on his face replaced by his bottom lip caught between his teeth in preoccupation, he asks Jake what keeps him up at night so often. 

jake: i think i'm too stressed to sleep well lately

jake: comeback is just around the corner, you know

Sunghoon gulps, unsure what it was about Jake's message that made him feel so on edge. 

sunghoon: i get that. so you just get bored and end up here?

jake: yeah pretty much

jake: but now i can just text you if i'm bored when it's late :)

Sunghoon will never in a million years let anyone know how that message made him feel. Jake, who had taken complete control over his thoughts for the past week, was telling him he would just text him next time he's bored. At this hour, when Sunghoon is consuming media of Jake like he's an engene, or whatever. He starts to wonder again if he's dreaming and he was just fooled this whole time by how real everything feels. 

sunghoon: sure, feel free to

After Sunghoon presses send, he comes to another frightening realization. That was two frightening realizations in one week, probably a new world record. 

He was actually looking forward to exchanging messages with Jake, late at night while everyone else was asleep. There was something about it that made him feel excited, skin tingly under his clothes. There was him, and there was Jake, and it was almost three in the morning, and nobody would ever find out what they say to each other once the lights were out.

Jake didn't reply after that, and Sunghoon in a way was a bit glad.

This could go really well or really bad, and a small part of Sunghoon wishes Jake wouldn't keep his promise of texting him, because the what if is pressing like a knife to his side.

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If Sunghoon ever needed confirmation on the events of the previous night being real, Jay was always ready to help. Well, help was probably not the right word.

"I'm gonna tell Jungwon," Jay warns, arms crossed tight over his chest as he kicks Sunghoon in the shin. 

"Ow! You fucker," Sunghoon bites back, opening his eyes and leaning forward to rub his leg. "What do you want?"

"You're literally getting no sleep and then falling asleep on set. I think there might actually be something wrong with you."

"I'm fine. I swear. I'll just have an energy drink."

Jay looks as incredulous as ever, but a part of Sunghoon thinks it's rather cute that he clearly cares.

"Whatever. Next time you text someone at three in the morning, you horny bastard, please make sure your fucking phone is silent."

Oh, shit.

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Sunghoon was, to put it bluntly, fucked. 

The current time is two thirty in the morning, and he's monitoring an interview like Jungwon asked them to. They're supposed to monitor themselves, the full group dynamic, look for areas of improvement—and then Sunghoon, naturally, only monitors Jake. 

The small details had him hooked, barely blinking as he watched. The shirt he was wearing fit him just right, and the little giggle he let out after Jay responded a question in English was cute. The way he would lovingly stare at each member during their turn to answer made Sunghoon's stomach churn with what he can only describe as jealousy.

In short, looking away from Jake felt impossible, and Sunghoon knew he was beyond being saved at that point. 

Minutes went by quickly, even after the interview, his fingers pausing over any post or video displayed on his screen when Jake was involved, and he would stare. Stare, and realize, and twist and turn in his bed in anguish, because this feeling was becoming too recurrent. 

Out of everything, it was the clips of Jake performing that really did it for Sunghoon on most nights. Jake staring at the camera, shapes and lines of his body on clear display. Jake's tongue peeking out of his mouth, his bottom lip caught between his teeth like a habit, a sheer layer of sweat over his skin. 

It was flirty, in a way seductive, the manner in which Jake performed. To Sunghoon, it felt like Jake was trying to lure whoever watched in—and fuck, it was working. 

Sunghoon is perplexed, like he always is, shocked at how irresistible Jake looks while performing Bite Me, and the fact that he used the word irresistible to describe his best friend makes him feel guilty.

It seemed unbelievably unfortunate that a fancam of Jake in high definition dancing to Guilty in front of a roaring crowd came right after. It's nothing short of torture at a time like this, and Sunghoon watches for a bit as he bites down on his index finger, as if he's distracting himself from what he really wants to do. 

As he feels the blood rush down south, he wonders if he did something terrible in his past life to deserve this. 

He locks his phone and lays it flat on his chest, closing his eyes to will himself to calm the fuck down, chest rising and falling through deep breaths as he resists the urge to graze over the front of his sweats with his hand. He tries to think about someone or something else, anything to get his mind away from—

Ding.

Sunghoon's eyes open immediately, scrambling to grab his phone and quickly silence it. Cautiously, he glances over to Jay's bed. Nothing moves. 

jake: are you uppp

Sunghoon gulps, thinking it's ridiculous that the person he's trying to not think about in order to put out the fire in his body decided to text him right now. Go figure. 

sunghoon: yeah lol, it's another one of those nights

jake: well, you have me now

Fuck, what does that even mean? Probably something innocent, but Sunghoon is hard and can't help but read Jake's message in a different tone entirely. 

jake: what's the matter today?

Sunghoon sighs. He wishes he could be honest with Jake—Oh, you know, my dick is so hard I can't even close my eyes to consider falling asleep, I'm literally so hard it hurts—but that can't happen, for obvious reasons. 

Right?

sunghoon: my body is tense

sunghoon: i can't sleep like this

Tense was a wild understatement. Sunghoon is trying not to move at all now, fearing that if he keeps creating friction he'll cream his pants like a virgin. That's how tense he is right now.

jake: what caused that?

Are you fucking serious?  Sunghoon stares at Jake's message and he groans as quietly as he can. You did, Sunghoon thinks, laying rigid like a mannequin under his blanket. Before he can think of a proper response to Jake's question that wouldn't make him seem like a complete freak, another message pops up at the bottom of his screen.

jake: did you pull a muscle or something? like are you hurt

Sunghoon struggles, scratching his head as he still desperately looks for the right words to say. 

sunghoon: i am in a bit of pain but. it's hard to explain 

jake: damn i'm sorry. maybe you're stressed like me

Sunghoon scoffs at that, because it's cute that Jake has no idea what's going on. He feels a bit sorry his mind is in the gutter while Jake is just trying to have a normal conversation. He slowly starts to feel like he can possibly try to calm his body down and text Jake normally to pass the time, until another message arrives. 

jake: if your body actually hurts, i'm pretty good at massages

jake: ask niki and sunoo

Well. Nevermind. 

Sunghoon can't calm down, not now, not with thoughts of Jake sitting over his ass as he digs his thumbs into the grooves and shapes of his back. Jake would go slow but apply just the right amount of pressure, and Sunghoon knows he would have to dig his fingers into the mattress under him to prevent himself from letting out a shaky moan, because the feeling of Jake's weight over his body coupled with his hands roaming all over sensitive skin would make him go absolutely insane. 

His body is reacting to the thoughts, cock twitching when he imagines Jake ask "Does that feel good?" in that beautiful voice of his, smile audible in his words. God, Sunghoon wonders how close that would feel to actually getting—

Shit. Sunghoon wants it so bad that his fingers start moving before he can think.

sunghoon: yessss i need that

sunghoon: pleaseeee

He stares at his messages for a second. He blinks once, twice. That was probably not the right thing to say, because he sounds desperate and quite ridiculous. He just hopes Jake won't catch on. 

jake: damn sounds like you really need it 

Obviously, Jake caught on, because nothing can ever go Sunghoon's way. Someone must be plotting against him.

He seriously considers turning off his phone and not sending another message for the night, because that was extremely embarrassing and he should've just acted more nonchalant, maybe reply with yea sure or a simple that would be nice. Instead, Jake now probably thinks he's a fucking loser.

Luckily enough for him, Jake keeps the conversation going. They talk for a few minutes about some tea Jungwon recommended for sleep, and an oil Heeseung frequently purchases that works wonders on sore muscles. Sunghoon is grateful for the normalcy after he nearly made a fool out of himself.

jake: hey sunghoon

Sunghoon stares at his screen, body stiff in anticipation at the sudden message that seemed so out of place during their otherwise normal chat. 

jake: you should do what i do when i'm stressed that bad

jake: just jerk off 

Oh my God. 

Sunghoon actually places his hand over his mouth for a brief second, scared that a sound of shock would slip past his lips and put him in trouble with Jay. 

What the fuck do you mean he's hard and needy, the person to blame for his current state is texting him right now, and he just told Sunghoon to jerk off ? Are there cameras in this room, could this be some sort of sick prank? 

sunghoon: yeah i probably should 

Fuck. Sunghoon isn't sure how much of this conversation he will be able to endure if it progresses any further, but right now he can't help but entertain it.

jake: do you do it regularly? 

Literally why. Why is Jake asking about Sunghoon's masturbation habits, and why now? Perhaps this would be a normal conversation to have, between bros, when Sunghoon isn't hard and heavy in his sweats—perhaps when he didn't cause his predicament by watching Jake fancams.

sunghoon: sometimes

Sunghoon isn't sure if he should ask his next question, but he presses send with shaky fingers anyway.

sunghoon: do you?

jake: i do, yeah

jake: whenever i have time and privacy

And that was definitely not an image Sunghoon needed right now, because he inevitably feels his dick jump at the thought of Jake jerking off, stroking himself in fast and steady pumps, knuckles red as he keeps his fist tightly wrapped around as much of himself as he can. Cursing in English, wiping sweat from his forehead, pressing his thumb against the slit and hissing. 

Holy fuck. Sunghoon can't hold it in anymore. 

With shaky hands and his heart wanting to beat its way up his throat, he lets his hand snake down his torso until he reaches the waistband of his sweats. He hesitates around that area for a few seconds, like he's about to do something terrible. 

When he finally palms himself through the fabric, his body responds without his consent, and Sunghoon fights back the urge to moan out loud. Just a simple touch was able to make him writhe, and fuck, he didn't realize how bad it truly was until now.

He can't help himself from writing up a second message, cheeks hot and flushed.

sunghoon: it's hard to find the time to do it

sunghoon: i like to take my time

Sunghoon hopes that somehow, a few steps down the hall, Jake is imagining it too, seeing Sunghoon stroke himself slow behind closed eyes. Delicate hands working up and down his shaft languidly, dragging the sensation out. It's a long stretch, for sure, but Sunghoon doesn't care. Right now, it's fun to think about.

jake: that's true but i learned to be super fast

Super fast? Sunghoon can't help but rub himself again at Jake's words. It feels like he's eavesdropping, listening to something he shouldn't, and it only makes him want to continue this—whatever the fuck is happening between them right now.

He needs to know more, and seem as normal as possible about it, even if he had to lie.

sunghoon: how? i always take so long

sunghoon: it's impossible here

jake: this might be a little bit tmi

jake: if i make a really tight hole with my fist it works well

Sunghoon gulps, noticing that Jake is still typing. 

The image of Jake fucking up into the tightest hole his fist can manage actually has him squirming, holding his phone above his face while he grabs his cock through his sweats. He needs to properly touch himself soon or he will pass out, or convulse, or something.

jake: then, if i set a steady rhythm, i can come quickly

Would Jake whimper or groan when he comes? Would he be embarrassed at how fast he came due to the necessity of not getting caught, cheeks red and head hung low? 

sunghoon: that sounds good actually

sunghoon: i'll need to learn your technique

Teach me, please, show me how you do it. 

jake: yeah you'll get there 

jake: having soft hands helps

Did Jake just indirectly say Sunghoon's hands are soft? While talking about jerking off? This was already weird enough, but— 

sunghoon: i have super soft hands so i'm glad 

jake: that's true. if i had hands as soft as yours, wow

jake: i would come in no time

The image has changed, and now it's Jake sitting in between Sunghoon's open legs, head thrown back over his shoulder as Sunghoon jerks him off with his soft hands. Jake would grab Sunghoon's wrist when he's close, because he doesn't want it to end, and Sunghoon would comply, because it's Jake. 

sunghoon: that's hot

Oh.

Sunghoon has seemingly lost all sense of reason, too far gone to realize he's being a bit too honest. Luckily, Jake doesn't immediately see it that way. 

jake: lol stop fucking around

sunghoon: i'm sorry, was that too honest?

jake: shut up. do you want me or something?????? 

Sunghoon can tell Jake is joking by the way his message was worded, he knows how Jake functions. However, he can't help but feel excited at their banter. Yeah, this was weird, and Sunghoon swears he's straight—but along came Jake, and everything Sunghoon thought he knew about himself was turned upside down.

sunghoon: maybe i do

jake: that's so gay

jake: you're worse than jay these days

sunghoon: hey. never say that again

jake: you're right i'm sorry for offending

jake: we should go to sleep before this gets any more personal

Again, what did that even mean? Sunghoon was still hard, still needing more of Jake—even if just through his phone—but it was late, and they both knew. 

sunghoon: goodnight. text me again sometime

jake: yeah

jake: goodnight

That night, Sunghoon couldn't bring himself to ignore how he felt, so he unavoidably got off to thoughts of Jake masturbating and to thoughts of Jake helping him, too. Jake would tell him to keep it down, hand coming up to press down on Sunghoon's mouth when he made a sound, scared of them being found together. It was hot, intimate, secret.  It felt so real that it was almost as if Jake were in bed with him, working Sunghoon just right until he snapped, body pressed against his side. Needless to say, Sunghoon didn't last very long.

He felt incredibly guilty and gross, coming in his pants messily and rushing to change and clean up without waking up Jay, and he seriously wondered if the conversation troubled Jake as much as it did him. 

Some things are just never meant to be known. 

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Avoiding Jake wasn't something that Sunghoon did on purpose the next day, but they didn't speak until it was almost nighttime, when they both ended up in the empty practice room while they waited for the rest. 

Holy shit. It was happening.

Sunghoon tried to avoid Jake's gaze while they were there as much as he could, pretending to scroll through his phone, browsing through the—weather app?

"Hey," Jake began. Sunghoon's heart stopped. Jake wasn't being as loud as he normally was.

"About last night," he continued, eyes following Sunghoon's, trying to meet them. 

"Can we uh," Jake looks hesitant, hand rubbing the back of his neck like one does when confessing a crush. "Can we keep it between just you and me?"

Sunghoon gulps, and he hopes Jake didn't catch that. What happened that made Jake want to keep their exchange a private thing? At the end of the day, what they talked about wasn't that bad. It hurts that he probably will never know. 

This, though—keeping his exchange with Jake a secret from the rest, like they did something bad but they did it together—excites him beyond words. Perhaps he's pathetic for letting it make him feel so giddy.

"Sure." 

It does, in fact, become their secret little thing. Send each other messages at night, when everyone else is asleep, throw a bit of flirty banter at each other, call it a night. Act like nothing happened the next day. Act like Jake giggling over breakfast when he looked into Sunghoon's eyes was because he was remembering a funny video he watched last night, not because he was recalling their conversation.

It's a Jake and Sunghoon thing, and Sunghoon feels like the luckiest man in the world.

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The current time is one thirty in the morning, and Sunghoon is desperately trying to silence his thoughts through music. 

He chooses not to indulge in Jake media tonight, given the circumstances, but that didn't help at all. After their short conversation a few nights ago, all he can think about is Jake, and how risky their whole exchange felt back then, when they were talking about getting off. 

Jay recently just went to sleep, and silence has once again fallen over the dorm like a blanket, but Sunghoon has a lot going through his head, and it's loud, so loud that not even the music can drown it out.

Should he have been more bold, back then? Should he have been honest with Jake? Actually honest, without kidding around?

As he stares at his phone and watches the time move forward, he figures he can't keep wasting any more of it.

sunghoon: don't tell me you're asleep early

jake: bold of you to assume i ever do that

sunghoon: we're more similar than everyone thinks

sunghoon: wouldn't you agree?

jake: i agree with that

jake: at least it's not too late yet

sunghoon: yeah but i can already tell sleeping will be difficult. stressed again.

Sunghoon wasn't lying. He was stressed again, but it was Jake's fault once more, like it was nearly every night. 

jake: you know what i recommend to relieve stress ;)

sunghoon: jerking off?

jake: well yeah. works every time

sunghoon: but i can't. jay just went to sleep, and i take a long time, you know

sunghoon: i still haven't learned your technique

jake: i hope you do, sounds like you really need it

Sunghoon's hands are sweating already, and he's hesitant to press send. However, when he remembers how much he regrets not taking it any further when they first had this conversation, a rush of courage runs through him. Before he can think about it one last time, his message is displayed on Jake's screen.

sunghoon: why don't you show me some time? 

Okay. Sunghoon has seemingly lost all sense of reason, for real this time.

This isn't weird anymore, it's downright gay, and Sunghoon is worried about how Jake will respond if he even responds at all.

The question is enough to make his body feel hot and he sighs as he feels himself grow hard. Jake takes longer than normal to respond, probably because he's shocked, and Sunghoon bites his lip nervously as he stares at his screen. Maybe he's finally done it, scared Jake off. Perhaps he should quit this whole idol thing, go live in the countryside, start a new—

jake: show you how i jerk off?

Sunghoon can feel his heart hammering against his chest. He never in a million years expected to be in this situation with Jake, of all people. Everyone is asleep and yet here they are, exchanging risky messages like they're whispering into each other's ears in a crowded room.

sunghoon: we're good friends, right? doesn't matter

jake: we are

jake: you wanna watch me do it?

You wanna watch me do it?  Jake is asking the question while facing Sunghoon in his head, lips upturned slightly, like he's caught him. Jake would be toying with the waistband of his shorts while never breaking eye contact, that fucking tease. Sunghoon can't help but let out a hushed frustrated sound, because he's vividly imagining everything.

sunghoon: i would. then i can try it myself and learn

There was a long pause after Sunghoon's message but he didn't notice, body responding to the images of Jake. Nothing in the world could've prepared Sunghoon for the two messages that followed, screen lighting up his side of the room and catching the shocked expression on his face. 

jake: i could show you right now haha

jake: is it weird that i'm hard?

Sunghoon shakily sucks a sharp breath through gritted teeth, because holy fucking shit. They're talking about jerking off, watching each other, and Jake is hard. 

Seems like he's not the only one keeping secrets. 

sunghoon: it's not

sunghoon: i am too

jake: fuck

jake: please don't tell anyone

jake: i'm embarrassed. haven't gotten off in a bit and this conversation isn't helping

Maybe I'm dreaming, Sunghoon thinks, stroking himself over his pants slowly, and it feels like some sort of sick déjà vu, taking glances over at Jay's bed to make sure he's not awake because that would be awful.

His thumb hesitates over the letters on the digital keyboard for a second before he ultimately continues. They're already here, at the point of no return. He shouldn't still be feeling so reluctant to take it further.

sunghoon: are you gonna touch yourself?

jake: fuck idk. don't think i can

jake: sunoo will probably wake up

So what? Sunghoon wants to ask. He's so far gone he's not thinking about the consequences of actions, his brain a melted mess of Jake, Jake, Jake.

sunghoon: do it quietly

sunghoon: can you do that?

Fuck. He's so hard again, feeling like he did just a few days ago when Jake was explaining how he jerks off, and he starts to think nobody else in the world would be able to make him feel so intensely.

jake: that will be hard, i'm usually so vocal

Great, Sunghoon thinks, adding that to the list of things to jerk off to later. Jake is vocal when he gets off and Sunghoon can picture it perfectly, his pretty mouth falling open in a string of cries and whines that sound straight out of porn. He'd make sure to let Sunghoon know how good it feels and that he's close. 

sunghoon: that's actually pretty cute

jake: cute?

jake: you shouldn't be saying things like that while we're both hard

sunghoon: why, did that make you shy?

Sunghoon is finding it hard to breathe, because the tension between himself and Jake right now can be felt through a fucking screen. He's palming himself more fervently now, watching as Jake types, and he quickly realizes he'll have to do something about this.

jake: fuck, why is that hot lol

A pause. Sunghoon feels suffocated by lust, feeling like he wants to rip his shirt off.

jake: sunghoon, what are we doing right now? 

Sunghoon stares at Jake's message through half-lidded eyes, chest heaving. 

sunghoon: we're just talking 

sunghoon: no?

jake: yeah, but i'm like

jake: really fucking horny right now, and this is weird

sunghoon: do you want me to stop?

It's scary, sending that message and waiting for a response. A week ago, Sunghoon would never have found the courage to have this conversation, to prod at Jake like this. But after so much yearning, his infatuation building up to a point of near obsession, he couldn't bring himself to care.

jake: no, keep going

jake: nobody has to know anyway

That was all Sunghoon needed to finally let loose.

sunghoon: good, because i'm really horny too

sunghoon: touching myself right now 

That was painfully humiliating to admit even in his frenzied state, thumb tracing over the outline of the head of his cock that was still trapped in his underwear.

Sunghoon had no clue but Jake was doing no better—the whole exchange was beyond confusing but he was hard and leaking, thrashing around in bed until he settled into a position face down so he could hump his mattress and relieve some of the tension he felt in his shorts.

jake: yeah? 

jake: thinking about me, or what? 

Sunghoon promptly panics, letting a soft whine slip past his already open lips, this time not caring to even glance over to Jay's side of the room. 

sunghoon: mm maybe

sunghoon: you curious to know?

jake: might as well tell me at this point since you got me all hot and bothered

Payback, Sunghoon thinks, for all the times you made me squirm around in bed, wishing it was your hands on my body rather than my own.

sunghoon: yes, thinking about you

sunghoon: is that weird?

jake: i don't care that it's weird, or whatever

jake: tell me what you're thinking about

jake: please

Oh. 

Sunghoon made one more realization, just as crucial as the others. Jake definitely didn't feel completely normal about him, either. He didn't entirely know if Jake was just horny, or if this meant anything else, but his mind wasn't working fully, so he didn't think about it for too long.

sunghoon: having you touch me, do whatever you want to me

sunghoon: hearing what you sound like while you fuck your fist

jake: fuck

jake: you'd let me do anything? 

sunghoon: anything

jake: you're really pretty, you know that? 

Sunghoon's cheeks burn even harder at that, his hand rubbing his hard cock through thin fabric at a steady rhythm now that has his thighs trembling.

jake: if you'd let me, i'd show you how i jerk off, then come all over your face

The air is knocked right out of Sunghoon's lungs after that. 

sunghoon: please

sunghoon: you're pretty too, you know

sunghoon: i'm thinking about how nice it would be to fuck your mouth and it's got me leaking

Jake has never once thought about giving another man head or receiving head from another man, but reading Sunghoon's message makes him bury his face into his arm, whining softly as he grinds down harder against his bed. 

That was it, Jake's breaking point.

jake: making a mess, for me? 

sunghoon: yeah, i'm making a mess. all for you

A few minutes pass, and Sunghoon doesn't even notice—he's got his head thrown back, phone clutched in his left hand while his right draws patterns over the hard outline of his cock, touch barely enough for what he needs. He's so gone in the thought of fucking Jake's face that he doesn't realize another message came through, and he's scrambling out of bed when he does. 

jake: i'm literally on my way to your room

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Everything after that point happened like a blur, a flurry of events that barely registered in Sunghoon's mind, lines separating dream from reality smudged. 

The only sound that could be heard in the dorm was the door to Sungoon and Jay's room opening softly, as softly as possible in order to not wake up anyone, and then Sunghoon and Jake's eyes were meeting in the dark hallway. 

"Hey," Jake whispers, and it sounds soft, different to what he sounded like over text just a few minutes ago. 

"Jake—" 

"Don't," Jake cuts him off, eyes scanning over Sunghoon's features. He looks scared, excited. Both at the same time. "We don't have to talk about it, not now." 

Sunghoon nods rapidly, relieved. He feels like he'll come in his pants (again) when Jake wraps his hand around his wrist, so touch starved that he almost moans at the feeling. That would've been so embarrassing. 

"Your skin is so warm," Jake observes, and he's looking down at Sunghoon's wrist but Sunghoon knows Jake can probably see how hard he is, tent in his sweats more than evident. 

"I wonder why," Sunghoon jokes, and Jake chuckles under his breath, very differently to how he usually laughs, loud and carefree. There's definitely an edge to this, a feeling of caution neither of them had ever experienced in the comfort of their own home.

Before he has time to say anything else—Jake, I've been wanting this for so long—he's being dragged to the kitchen by his wrist and he doesn't say a word, heart still threatening to burst out of his chest as he stumbles over his own feet.

There's a million things going through his head, but right now he can't believe Jake is dragging him away from everyone, leading the way. He wants it just as bad as Sunghoon does, and the thought alone makes a shiver run up his spine. 

Jake grabs both of Sunghoon's arms and leads him to the kitchen counter. He pushes Sunghoon until the small of his back is pressed against the edge of it, and he essentially traps him there, setting down his hands on either side of Sunghoon, palms flat on the surface. The proximity is suffocating but Sunghoon wants nothing more than to close the stupid gap between them and take what he's wanted for so long. 

Sunghoon is in a state of mild panic, unsure of what to do with his hands, fingers fiddling with the fabric of his sweats as he tries to control his unsteady breathing now that Jake is so close, so attainable, looking right at him through half-lidded eyes. 

"Touch me," Jake pleads, and the sound barely registers above a whisper, and Sunghoon is responding yes, perhaps in his head, immediately resting his hands on Jake's waist and lingering, feeling how slim it is and how nice it feels to grab.

Jake's waist feels small under Sunghoon's big hands. He wants to do so much that he doesn't even know where to start. 

"Like, here?" Sunghoon asks, digging his fingers into Jake's sides through the fabric of his shirt. 

"Everywhere," Jake pleads, and it sounds so breathy that Sunghoon just nods, slipping his hands up his tee. It's dangerous that Jake's shorts are sitting so low on his hips, because Sunghoon is able to feel the soft skin below Jake's navel and further down, the touch so foreign that Jake twitches involuntarily. Sunghoon wonders if he can make Jake do that again, and again, and again. Sunghoon wonders if Jake would twitch like that while he's getting jerked off or when he's getting fucked, and the image makes his head spin.

He had been dreaming about this for too long at this point, so he doesn't miss the chance when it's presented before him, no witnesses around. He starts feeling over Jake's torso under his shirt, hands splayed over the warm expanse of his skin, and he can feel goosebumps under the pads of his fingers. 

"You like that?" he asks, playful, inevitably smiling when he can feel Jake's stomach cave in due to how sensitive he is currently, little jerks and shivers giving him away. Jake keeps taking weary little glances at the hallway, like somebody is going to catch them in the act.

"What do you think?" Jake mumbles out his question, challenging, trying to seem tough while his body reacts to Sunghoon's hands pathetically. 

Sunghoon giggles softly, letting his hands reach towards Jake's back. It makes them inch closer towards each other, and Jake closes his eyes now that Sunghoon can't see his face, feeling like he'll melt under the softness of Sunghoon's hands. He starts thinking about Sunghoon's soft, big hands wrapped around his girth instead, and he snaps.

"This is moving too slow," Jake groans out, grabbing Sunghoon's hands and placing them on his waist again. Sunghoon is confused, not sure of what he should do next, so he just watches with his hands unmoving, cheeks flushed.

"You were saying all those things earlier, I hope you meant them," Jake teases, and before Sunghoon can do or say anything Jake is shifting forward, pressing their bodies impossibly close together. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Sunghoon doesn't know if he should moan, scream, or cry.

Jake rests his forehead on Sunghoon's shoulder, looking down to see their crotches pressed together, and it's visually noticeable that they're both excruciatingly hard. He experimentally grinds into Sunghoon's crotch, earning himself a choked out sound from Sunghoon that has his eyes rolling into the back of his head. 

"Have anything to say now?"

" Jake—" Sunghoon tries to warn him, let him know that this is too much and it feels too good and he might come from just this, but Jake is grinding into him again, and Sunghoon can feel Jake's hard cock press against his own before he manages to let out another word. 

"More?" Jake asks, and he already knows the answer to his question, feeling the way Sunghoon's hands grip around his waist harder when he grinds into him. 

"Yeah, more," Sunghoon whines out, and it's something Jake never thought he'd hear. 

He creates a steady rhythm of grinding against Sunghoon just right, at an angle that makes them feel heavenly even with their pants still on, and his hands are sweating so much already that they threaten to slip from the surface of the counter.

"Fuck, why do you have to sound pretty too?" Jake is panting already, choosing to press his mouth into Sunghoon's shoulder to silence the sound of his loud breathing. Sunghoon can feel Jake's breath, and Jake's hips are pressing just right into his own, and their bodies perfectly slot together like this was meant to happen at some point—Sunghoon can only hold on to Jake's waist and take it all, mouth hanging open in a silent cry. It feels so good.

"I'm so fucking horny," Jake moans into Sunghoon's shoulder and it sounds so pathetic and needy that Sunghoon gasps. He can only agree in the form of rapid nods and by holding Jake's waist so hard he thinks bruises will have blossomed there by the time morning comes.

"Hey, Sunghoon," Jake pauses his movements, breathless, leaning back in order to look right into his eyes, and Sunghoon's face looks downright lewd, for lack of a better word. 

"Didn't you say you wanted to fuck my mouth?"

Sunghoon lets out a garbled mix of a huh and a moan, too lost in Jake's eyes and the feeling of their bodies pressed together to form a coherent thought.

"I did say that," he hesitates, heart beating so fast he can hear it as he watches Jake shift his gaze to stare straight at his lips. "Are you uh, are you sure?" 

"You got me like this," Jake grabs Sunghoon's hand and brings it down to his crotch, to make him feel what he's caused, "and you're going to ask if I'm sure?" 

Sunghoon is at a complete loss for words, feeling Jake's erection through his shorts, and Jake continues.

"Why, is it weird?" he asks, a hint of playfulness in his voice. He snakes a hand up Sunghoon's neck and rests it on his nape, playing with the hair there.

Sunghoon doesn't know how to respond, melting into Jake's touch and staring down at where he's touching like he wants it. The look on Jake's face confirms he's got Sunghoon all figured out.

"No," Sunghoon gasps, swallowing down the lump in his throat when Jake smiles.

"I want it. Please." 

Jake didn't have to be told twice, regardless of how strange the thought of doing this with his best friend was. There's nothing strange about it at the moment, because hearing Sunghoon beg makes his cock throb, and he's pulling Sunghoon away from the counter and kneeling down in front of him before either of them back out.

Sunghoon is hesitant and excited all at once, not knowing if he should touch Jake's hair or his face as he looks down. Jake pushes up Sunghoon's shirt, revealing his bare abdomen, and Sunghoon holds it up to help him. When Jake bites his lip and dips his fingers into the waistband of his sweats to pull them down, Sunghoon instinctively closes his eyes. 

He had been dreaming about something like this for weeks, fantasizing about what it would be like to have Jake all to himself, and when the moment comes it proves to be too much for him. 

Jake lets out a soft sigh loud enough for Sunghoon to hear and pulls his sweats low enough to reveal his cock. It's hard and red, glistening at the tip. 

"So hard, all because of me," Jake says and his words end in a soft chuckle. Sunghoon feels like snickering back something about stating the obvious, but he's too on edge to say anything, his brain too occupied in attempting to prevent him from going into cardiac arrest.

"You don't wanna watch?" 

What follows is an image that will be engraved into Sunghoon's mind forever, and that is not an exaggeration. He opens his eyes when Jake asks, still holding his shirt out of the way. Jake wraps his fingers around the base of Sunghoon's cock and he jolts instinctively, feeling like his own body is on fire. 

Jake looks right into his eyes as he sticks his tongue out and Sunghoon feels like he's going to faint and fall on his back. He grounds himself as best as he can, ready to take the surge of sensations about to crash straight into him.

Without breaking eye contact, Jake takes one small lick at Sunghoon's tip, like he's just testing it out, and Sunghoon's fist is shooting up towards his mouth to press against his lips. He lets out a strained sound there, and that's Jake's signal to keep going, lips slowly upturning into a smile. He licks a stripe from the base to the tip this time, tongue hot and wet, so fucking wet, that Sunghoon sees stars. 

"Good?" Jake asks, as if he didn't almost make Sunghoon pass out. 

"Yes," Sunghoon whines, voice high and airy like Jake destroyed him with just that. 

Jake hums in response, pressing his lips against the side of the head of Sunghoon's cock and applying light suction, the feeling making Sunghoon's knees buckle. His right hand snakes up Sunghoon's torso and it's such an overload of sensations that he doesn't really know what to do. 

Sunghoon lets his hand rest on top of Jake's head and he digs his fingers into his hair, tentatively, moan caught in his throat when he sees Jake flutter his eyelashes at that, like a dog. 

"Never really done this," Jake says, and fuck, he's speaking right next to Sunghoon's cock, looking up in a way that makes Sunghoon want to devour him. "But for you, I'll try."

Sunghoon doesn't get a warning before Jake is taking him deep into his mouth, as much as he can fit, and Sunghoon lets out an oh shit under his breath before he hears Jake reach his limit, the sound of choking coming from the back of his throat. He pulls back and off and he's already a slobbering mess, a string of saliva connecting his mouth to Sunghoon's tip. 

"Again, please," Sunghoon begs, and he leans forward to rest his hands on the counter so he doesn't fall and break something, because Jake trying to take all of him into his mouth is the best thing he's ever felt and seen in his life. "Do that again."

Jake does, taking as much as he can into the depth of his mouth before his throat gets some of it too, and he's pulling away with a gag, looking up at Sunghoon with glossy eyes from tears that are starting to form. He repeats it again, and again, and again, looking up at Sunghoon as much as he can, blinking and letting tears spill down his flushed cheeks.

Sunghoon leaves one hand on the counter but brings down his free hand to grab the top of Jake's hair, with enough pressure to make Jake squeeze his eyes momentarily, and Sunghoon experimentally thrusts forward and makes him gag, harder this time. He looks up towards the hallway, instinctively, unsure if Jake was loud just then or if he's so gone all his senses are heightened.

He's so lost in the pleasure that he doesn't notice that Jake has pulled out his own cock now and is steadily jerking himself off while he keeps working, pumping in rhythm with Sunghoon's thrusts. He struggles to take it and keep still, definitely new at this, but watching him try is more than enough.

In just a few minutes Sunghoon is teetering over the edge, knot in his stomach pulled pretty damn tight, struggling to breathe as he holds on to the counter for dear life while Jake gives him head. If anyone were to walk into the kitchen right now they wouldn't even see Jake, and the thought somehow sends Sunghoon stumbling even closer to his climax. 

"Jake, I'm close," Sunghoon warns, head hung as he watches his cock disappear and reappear from Jake's wet mouth. 

Jake pulls away, abruptly, and Sunghoon practically mewls.

"You taste pretty good," Jake says, voice raspy from his efforts, and he smirks as he looks into Sunghoon's eyes. His cheeks are wet from the tears that spill from the gagging at the foreign feeling and there's a mess of saliva on his chin, but Sunghoon swears he's never looked prettier. 

"Then why did you stop?" Sunghoon complains, embarrassed over the fact that he's out of breath, and even while looking a mess Jake has the audacity to shrug, wiping his chin with the palm of his hand. 

"I'm not done with you just yet."

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If you would've asked Sunghoon one week ago if he ever expected to be in this position, he would've laughed in your face, even though he had gotten off to the idea multiple times.

"How long have you been wanting me for?" 

Even Sunghoon doesn't know the exact answer to that.

"A while," he manages to let out, grimacing when Jake laughs. 

"That's cute."

'Shut up, just—"

"Do you wanna kiss me or something?"

Sunghoon is perplexed at Jake's question so he doesn't answer, choosing instead to dig his face into his arms where he's bent over the kitchen counter. He was weak to Jake's requests, giving in and letting himself be manhandled into this position after Jake whispered out a can i fuck you close to his ear. 

In just a few seconds Jake went into his room unnoticed and came back, a small bottle of lube which he always used to jerk off nestled in his hand. 

Sunghoon had been dreaming about it and getting off to the thought for weeks. It was so bad that he even started looking into fucking himself because he wanted to feel it, close his eyes and imagine it was Jake fingering him instead. He looked into everything he needed to and even learned how to clean himself out, for Jake. It was all just a fantasy, just a few days ago, and he was frustrated that he couldn't reach very far with his own fingers. 

Now, bent over the edge of the counter, risk of being caught impending, Jake's fingers inside him, scissoring him open—Sunghoon can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

"I'll make this quick," Jake says, and he's panting, like he's excited to try this too. Sunghoon doesn't know if this is Jake's first time, especially with a guy, but he doesn't care, not when Jake's fingers are finally starting to burn less and pleasure him more, body slowly getting used to the stretch. Jake had made sure to be careful and take his time, but now that the time came to fuck into Sunghoon, he knew he would probably finish embarrassingly fast. 

"Are you good?" 

Sunghoon just whines into the sleeve of his shirt, nodding. Jake wasn't convinced. 

"I need to hear you say it."

"Fuck, I—" Sunghoon's words end in a gasp, because Jake pulls out all of his fingers and lubes up his hard cock instead. He presses it against the crevice of Sunghoon's ass and smears some lube there, and it's cold against Sunghoon's hot skin. "Yes, please, just go for it, I can't—"

Jake spreads him open and gawks at how pretty everything about Sunghoon is. Before he knows it, he's pressing the tip of his cock against his hole, slipping in a fraction of it and watching Sunghoon's body contort. 

"Gonna fuck you," he sighs, gulping as he begins to push inside. Sunghoon immediately lets out a yelp that could definitely get them into infinite amounts of trouble, too loud for the current time. He quickly covers his mouth with both hands, muffling his cries of good and hurts .

Jake commends himself for keeping his composure and being patient, because when he pushes all the way in, his eyes roll back into his head at how tight and hot it feels, and he wonders why he never considered trying this sooner. He lets Sunghoon adjust, only moving when Sunghoon throws one of his hands back towards him, definitely a sign. It was already three something in the morning and they couldn't afford to make much more noise. 

He begins moving, pulling out all the way before he's slamming back into Sunghoon, the sound of skin slapping echoing throughout the empty kitchen when his hips meet Sunghoon's ass. It's easy for them to fall into a rhythm, both of their bodies craving release.

Sunghoon is tight like the virgin he is, and he's whining into the palm of his hand, and Jake can see the muscles in his back tense from how his shirt has ridden up, and he can tell Sunghoon had been wanting this for some time by the way he keeps pushing back onto his cock, and—he feels like he won't last more than a couple of minutes like this. 

"Wish we didn't have to worry about the others," Jake whines, and Sunghoon groans into his hand as if to agree, because he knows Jake would be moaning and groaning openly if they were alone and had privacy. He can't stop himself from lifting his body up from the counter slightly in order to be able to jerk himself off in time with Jake's thrusts. 

Now that there's nothing covering his mouth, Sunghoon can't help himself. 

"It feels so good, fuck, why," Sunghoon says under his breath, letting out choked sounds between his words because Jake is grazing against his prostate with each deep thrust, and he had never been able to reach there and it's all very new to him. He still can't fathom that he has Jake all to himself, inside him, pumping himself to completion by using his body. It's surreal.

"Fuck, I agree," Jake sounds breathless, like doing Sunghoon over their kitchen counter is killing him. "Shit, I think I'm pretty close."

It sounds like a question, almost, when Jake says it, and Sunghoon can't help but crane his neck to take a look over his shoulder, and he sees Jake with his eyes fixed on his ass, mouth hanging open at the sight. It almost makes him come on the spot, but he manages to hold on.

"Me too," he warns through a whisper, trying to meet Jake's eyes. When their eyes finally meet, Jake has to hold back a groan, because fuck, Sunghoon has that look in his eyes—the look that says he's completely fucked out. 

"Together?" Sunghoon asks, and Jake nods. Their eyes are locked onto each other's faces as they near their orgasms and it hits Sunghoon first, with unbelievable force, the best one he's ever had, legs shaking as he comes all over the bottom part of the counter. 

The pleasure makes him tighten up even further and Jake follows suits after barely five more strokes, pulling out in a hurry to come messily all over the back of Sunghoon's thighs, head of his cock smearing cum into his sensitive skin while he pants violently. 

They just stand there for a few seconds, attempting to recover their breath, taking worried glances at the hallway, knowing that they would have no way to explain this to anyone. Right now though, it's pure bliss. 

"That was," Sunghoon begins, still struggling to regain his composure. Jake leans forward to press his forehead against the back of his shoulder and finishes his sentence. 

"Good. It was so good." 

Cleaning up and getting dressed takes them no time because they're terrified of anyone waking up earlier than usual. They're still trying to be quiet, partly because of the time and partly because neither of them knows what to say. Everything tonight felt like a dream, to the both of them, and now that they've been pulled back to reality it proves to be complicated. 

"That was um," Jake looks nervous, eyes refusing to meet Sunghoon's. "An eye opening experience." 

Sunghoon just laughs. What the fuck does that mean? He realizes he doesn't need to know, at least not now, because it's late and they're both overwhelmed and have a lot to process. They'll talk about it, when the time comes. It was a sort of mutual agreement to part ways silently, as carefully as possible, in order to not alert anyone. 

"Thank you Jake," Sunghoon had managed to say, heart beating hard. Again. 

Jake nodded and smiled, and that was Sunghoon's best friend's smile. Before they headed into their rooms, Sunghoon swears Jake kissed him, so quickly that he almost missed it.

As he closes his eyes in bed, he wonders if he imagined that part or if the whole night was just part of a highly realistic dream. Either way, Sunghoon went to sleep with a smile on his face, so it didn't really matter. 

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There's something bothering Sunghoon. Like an alarm, or an itch, or something worse. 

"Sunghoon, holy shit, get up already before I—" 

Definitely worse. Sunghoon carefully opens one eye and he's greeted by Jay's angry looking face. 

"I've been trying to wake you up for like thirty minutes, and we're literally leaving in fifteen—"

Sunghoon doesn't register much of what Jay says, choosing instead to work on trying to get his legs out of bed, at least, until—

"Do you sleepwalk by the way?" 

Huh? 

Sunghoon manages to shoot a confused expression his way, waiting. 

"I heard you walk in like at four in the morning or something crazy like that. Scared the shit out of me."

"You're imagining things." Sunghoon says, voice groggy from sleep, as he walks over to the bathroom, steps uncoordinated and lopsided. Jay watches him go, arms crossed over his chest. 

No, he didn't imagine it. He might be easy to annoy but he's not easy to fool.