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“…Gamzee. Gamzee? Hellooooo? Anyone home??”
“Aw shit sister, did I up and get my mind-wandering on again? These motherfucking leaves are just so motherfucking hypnotic, you know? Leaves swirling around and shit, all those pretty motherfucking colors…”
Jade giggled and tugged him onwards down the winding path they were following. “Come on, silly, we have to get going!!”
“Whoa chicka, slow down there,” he mumbled, smiling lazily and letting himself be dragged along for a little, “just slow down and motherfucking enjoy life, you know? Like, look at these motherfucking trees.” He stopped and stepped off the worn path to place a hand gently on a nearby tree. “They’re just up and growing without a motherfucking care in the world, chugging onwards despite whatever kind of motherfucking troubles we have. Motherfucking miracle, that is.”
Jade giggled again and stepped off the path to stand next to him. “Oh Gamzee, only you would think of something like that!! I never thought of it like that. These trees, just growing peacefully here in the forest…”
A breeze started up and rustled through the golden leaves, swirling around them and kicking up the carpet of leaves they stood on. Gamzee took a couple of steps into the forest, looking up at the swaying foliage in awe. Jade stepped after him, humming quietly and catching his hand in her own, interlocking their fingers together. They strolled serenely through the calm forest, just enjoying the warm autumn afternoon.
“Look at those motherfucking colors getting their motherfucking happy on…” He started swaying slightly with them, eyes half-lidded.
“Gamzee you silly—!”
Crunch.
A footstep from behind them, crushing the leaves that littered the ground.
“Hello?” Jade called out, turning around. “Is anyone there? Don’t worry, we’re nice!!”
A low growl startled both of them, and two gleaming eyes glared out at them from the shadows of the trees.
“Chicka… I don’t think the motherfucking problem is if we’re nice or not…” Gamzee murmured, his clubs dropping into his hands. He grinned lazily.
More padding footsteps sounded around them; more eyes appeared in the circle around them, advancing menacingly.
“I love wolves!” Jade exclaimed. Her rifle fell into her hands and she cocked it confidently, taking aim loosely. “Their fur is so fun to play with! And it’s the softest!”
“Are you motherfucking ready for this motherfucking miracle of a party?” Gamzee asked, standing back to back with her.
The lead wolf whined in confusion. Why weren’t this human wormbaby and her alien wormbaby mate scared?
He soon learned it was because the human wormbaby had incredible aim, and her alien wormbaby mate knew his way around a pair of clubs.
***
“This wasn’t in the plan, but sometimes spontaneity is good too!” Jade chirped, sitting idly on the wolf carcass that she had hauled all the way to their picnic spot. Snowcapped peaks soared behind them; the whole scene was picturesque in a way you see in cheesy postcards. Gamzee dropped his wolf carcass down next to her and lay back on it, not caring about the blood dripping out and staining him.
“Like I said, chicka. Slow down and motherfucking enjoy life. Have a motherfucking picnic, take a motherfucking walk, motherfucking destroy some uppity wolfbitches.” He stretched languidly and smiled up at her. “Now I’m raisin’ up a motherfucking nest of motherfucking rabidly hungry birds down here in my motherfucking rumbly-tumbly, what about you, my most miracally of all my motherfucking miracles?”
Jade laughed, a loud, clear peal of happiness, and took the picnic basket out of her sylladex. “If you have birds then I have tigers in my rumbly-tumbly!! Hehehehehe!!”
They proceeded to absolutely decimate their food and then, very content, walk home with their wolf corpses.
(They definitely skinned the corpses and played furry games with the skins later.)