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“Fuck!” Natalie exclaimed, slamming her bedroom door behind her. If she hadn’t completely sabotaged her own life yet, then this was the time she actually did it. She put her face in her calloused hands and utterly sobbed into them. She leaned her slender frame against her bedroom door before weakly sliding down it, leaving her scrunched up in a ball at the front of her room. Her desperate sobs turned into frantic hyperventilating, causing her limbs to start to go numb.
Just moments prior, she had cut off Henry. Henry was the only person who was there for her throughout all of this utter nonsense, and she still cut him off. Natalie was now completely alone – she had absolutely no one to turn to, and it was completely her own doing.
Natalie’s once upkept room was now a complete and utter mess; cans of whatever alcoholic beverage she could manage to get her hands on were scattered completely throughout her room, her trash can was overflowing with takeout, dirty clothes thrown wherever, and an unmade bed – the bed is probably what bothered Natalie the most, but she couldn’t even be bothered to do that anymore. Only sixteen, and she had completely let her life go to shambles.
All she wanted was this feeling to stop. She just wanted the voices in the back of her head to just shut the fuck up for one goddamn second. The brunette shakily crawled over to the stand that was next to her bed, contemplating if this were the right decision. Almost like he was living in her conscience, she practically heard Henry’s voice telling her that it was an awful idea and that she needed to stop. However, Henry was not here, and would never be again. There was no one to disappoint anymore.
She opened the small drawer in front of her, carelessly pulling out the bottle of Xanax that she had stolen from her mother a few weeks prior. The bottle was practically full, only a few missing when Natalie felt as if she needed to take the edge off here and there. This time, however, was a completely different story. Natalie began to fumble with the cap, barely having the energy to even twist it off. She felt as if she was barely even controlling her own body at this point, as if she was watching someone control her actions through her own eyes. Before she even was aware of it, a small portion of pills were in the palm of her hand, and they were being washed down with a half of a can of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
Regret washed over her body as she realized what she had just done. Fuckfuckfuckfuck- she shuttered, attempting to stand up to go to the bathroom... if she could at least do that, she could attempt to get them out of her system. She couldn't stand up. Her body suddenly felt as if it weighed thousands of pounds, there was no way in hell she could even move. She tried to choke out a cry for help, but she was so weak...
All she felt was cold and tired, no pain. Almost a sense of comfort washed over her as her eyes began to flutter shut, as they were too heavy to keep open.
When she opened them, she was not in her room. The fuck?
Natalie observed her surroundings. She was alone, that she was completely sure. The injured individual couldn't even tell exactly where she was, all she could make out was that it was warm. It felt safe here. It was quiet. There were no voices, there was no stress, and there was no mom.
A shadowed figure began to walk up to her, which surprisingly, felt a lot more comforting than it does in horror movies. Natalie didn't feel scared in this unknown state. As the figure got closer to her, her surroundings became a lot less fuzzy. She still couldn't tell exactly where she was - if she were to compare it to anything, it would be similar to the soft beach sand on a hot summer day. She felt the warmth beneath her feet, and she felt a smooth breeze brush through her hair. The figure drew closer and closer, until it was eventually face to face with her. It had an energy that was so familiar to her, yet she had no idea of how to begin to place it.
"Natalie?" The figure questioned. The voice was young, if she were to place it she would say it was someone who was roughly her age.
Those blue-green eyes, that light brunet hair. It was in this moment she knew exactlywho this unknown figure was. Although she had only seen baby pictures, she could remember those features from anywhere. All grown, he looks exactly like a young version of her father. She sees parts of herself in him too - although not identical, she acknowledges that they have a very similar facial structure. His face was more chiseled, almost as if he could have been an athlete.
"Gabe?" She questioned, tilting her head to the side. She didn't even panic, she felt almost glad to be seeing him.
He pulled her into one of the tightest embraces Natalie has ever felt, which completely threw her off guard. It took her a few moments before wrapping her arms around him as well, letting out a large sigh that she had been holding in for what felt like decades into his shoulder. For once, Natalie felt no stress. There was no tension in her shoulders, back, or jaw, and she felt absolutely no sense of urgency. It almost felt wrong to not feel like something was constantly wrong.
"It is so good to see you..." Gabe mumbled, giving her one more tight squeeze before pulling away from her, keeping his hands on her shoulders. "What the fuck are you doing here? You can't be older than--what-- sixteen? Seventeen? You shouldn't be here for, GOD, another at least seventy years," He shook his head, his eyes with a concerning demeanor behind them.
"I... don't even know where here is, Gabe," She shrugged, her eyes darting around before making eye contact with him. Gabe pulled her into another tight hug, catching her off guard yet again.
Her brother sighed, giving her the saddest look as he pulled away once more. She knew it couldn't have been good, being wherever the hell she was. She was currently conversing with her deceased brother, which could really only mean one thing.
"Am I...?" Natalie questioned, looking down at her own hands. They looked exactly the same, however there was just a slight twinge of opacity to them. Gabe knew exactly what was implied, and he quickly shook his head.
"No- uh- not... not yet..." He stuttered. "It's not your time, Nat," he shook his head.
Tears began to well in her eyes. "Everything is so fucking hard, Gabe," she sobbed, letting tears trickle down her ivory cheeks. The boy did nothing, he just stood there and listened. "Mom is going fucking insane, dad is losing it, and... and I just cut off Henry and I didn't even mean to..." She absolutely broke down, leading Gabe to cup her cheek and wipe her tears away with his thumb. He felt guilty -- he knew all of this was because of him, yet there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.
"You know he's not mad at you, right?"
"Who?" She sniffled, making eye contact with her brother once more.
"You know who." He scoffed and rolled his eyes.
Natalie aggressively shook her head, sniffling once more. "No Gabe... I really fucking hurt him this time... he's given me so many chances and I've shut him out so many ti-"
"Shh." He lulled, tilting her jaw upwards. "Hey, brother's intuition. Henry is not mad at you, you have my word."
All she could do is roll her eyes. She didn't even fight, but all she could think was yeah fucking right.
The light brunet patted his sister on the shoulder, ever so slowly beginning to step backwards. "You're going to be okay, Natalie. You're going to live a long, happy life, okay?" He gazed deeply into her wettened eyes. "You gotta go back now." He pressed his lips together, saddened that his time here with his sister was so short, but knowing when the time is right they will have an eternity to get to properly know each other and bond the way two siblings should.
"Do I have a choice?" Natalie sighed, wiping her tears with the back of her hands.
"God knows I didn't," Gabe softly chuckled. "If I did, I'd still be there annoying your ass every single day." He gave her an assuring smile. "I'm always closer than what you may think..." He sighed, "it was good seeing you, kid."
The feeling of warmth and comfort and light quickly turned into ice cold and a jumbled dark blob, a quick rush fled through her body and left her in a state of complete darkness. She stayed in this state for a couple moments before her eyes slowly fluttered open. Her eyes were back to feeling heavy, and her body was back to feeling tense. It took her a moment to actually come-to, and when she did, she quickly realized that she was in a hospital room connected to god knows what. Machines were beeping left and right, an IV was stuck in her arm, and an oxygen cannula was resting on the inside of her nose. Worst of all, god, it was so fucking cold. A feeling of warmth embraced her hand, and when she averted her gaze down, her eyes met Henry's.
"NAT!" He exclaimed, practically rushing over to her to engulf her in the biggest hug in the history of big hugs. "Holy fucking shit never do that again..." He panted, squeezing her even tighter.
"Henryohmygodrelax-" She huffed, overwhelmed by the immediate interaction.
"I am never letting you leave like that, ever again." Henry shook his head, placing both of his hands on her shoulders and looking into her eyes. She was a sorry sight, which made his bottom lip slightly quiver. "I... am so fucking sorry Nat." He shook his head, trying not to cry.
"Henry." She began again. "None of that." She gave him a soft smile, bringing her hand up to his cheek and softly caressing it. "Can you uh... go get my parents? I'm assuming they'd like to know I'm alright."
"Oh my god, yeah, sure, anything..." He quickly nodded, jumping up as quick as he could. He began to leave, but turned around to plant a kiss on her forehead. "Be RIGHT back," he assured.
As he left, Natalie let her eyes slowly drift shut once more. She didn't even know how long she was out, but *man* she was exhausted. As she continued to rest, almost drifting off to sleep, she heard soft footsteps shuffle into her room before the squeak of the chair next to her. She slowly rolled her head over, expecting to see Henry, but was immediately jolted awake when she saw no one other than Gabe.
"What did I tell you? Everything is going to be okay."
She reached over to him and took his hand, a small smile creeping up against her dried out lips. Natalie gave him a soft nod and mumbled out a small 'thanks', her eyes falling shut once more. When they reopened, he was gone without a trace. For once in her life, she truly believed it.
Everything is going to be okay.