Archive of Our Own

Free.
 

That’s the closest description but at the same time it’s also more than far from it. A description Sunoo would choose for his self-being, his emotional state, call it whatever you want.  

Dancing in a club in black leather pants with an almost see-through blouse sticking to his upper body and a satin chocker around his neck surely count as a sort of freedom comparing to the strictness of his family household. Doing it in a gay club even more. Especially considering Sunoos parents point of view regarding his sexuality. ‘I’m sure a pretty girl can fix this’ was one of the nicer phrases.

No, a ‘pretty girl’ couldn’t ‘fix’ it – Sunoo tried for his parents sake, but he was straight as a circle, too tired to force himself into something he’s not and drag others into this fiasco. So after a lot of yelling, crying from his mother and a harsh slap across his face from his father, Sunoo accepted that the will never be accepted. He shut his emotions down, was the polite son everyone expects and focused on his grades for getting his stipendium. That could’ve been a proud moment for his parents, if not for his choice of major. Coming from a rich family, his father a highly regarded businessman, everyone expected Sunoo to also study a business major. Wrong again. Sunoo decided to go for his passion and with support from his art teacher he applied for a stipendium in the fashion and design-department.  

So second failure for Kim Sunoo. He was a failure. And there wasn’t one day he wasn’t reminded of it. Not exactly with words, but with judging gazes and punishing silence. Sunoo endured it with pride, clutched the acceptance letter of his dream college to his chest and cried silent tears in his room.

After his high school graduation – no, his parents didn’t show up – he packed a few boxes and moved in a tiny room in one of the college dorms. Sunoo only relied on the savings he got, but he knew they would only last a couple of months. So he snatched himself a parttime-job in a little boutique. It was- okay no, it is stressful handling his courses and the shifts, so here comes the part were the description of ‘free’ wavers a little. But Sunoo would never trade it for the life his parents would’ve chosen for him.

He can finally be who he really is, even if he himself doesn’t yet know for sure. He experiments, goes out clubbing, gets drunk, takes pills the substance he isn’t sure of and fucks around. Is it healthy? Not really. But he still has his life in control like he wants and that’s all it matters.

Apart from that Sunoo has his own watch dog on his side. Yang Jungwon, also freshman, accompanies him almost every time – even if it’s reluctant. Sunoo met Jungwon at the info event from the queer club of their college. Unlike Sunoo Jungwon never joined because quote Jungwon “he’s gay, but not that gay”. They still traded numbers and met for coffee or study sessions in the library, even if they haven’t the same major. And now they’re kind of weird best friends, who don’t match at all and still understand each other perfectly.

Jungwon loves dancing – it’s his major after all – but he hates crowds, so most of the time he sits on the bar, sips on his coke and watches Sunoo swaying his hips to the beat, waiting for a guy to approach him. Sunoo asks himself sometimes why Jungwon does this for him, but he’s just the type caring for people around him. And if that includes lingering around in a club with loud music, that’s also kind of fine for him.

Jungwon gives him a thumps up, if a guy, who puts his hands around his waist from behind, isn’t shady as fuck. If he’s worth Sunoos time, is then always up to him. But this time when Sunoo feels cool fingertips through the fabric of his thin blouse and he glances to Jungwon, he just looks in wide eyes and a mouth opened in shock. However not the bad kind of shock, more like ‘what the fuck?’ and that makes Sunoo curious. He decides to play along, trusting Jungwon to step in, when he read the signs wrong and the guy is a creep after all. His hips sway a bit sultrier; he takes a step back that their bodies almost touch and he can feel the fingers around his waist tighten.  

He would really like to know whose hands are on his body right now, just because of Jungwons reaction. But Sunoo also likes to tease, make his partner for the night desperate, make them beg for him. It may be a little narcissistic and with great certainty conceited, but until now every single one agreed to play along to his little games.

Seems like that Mr. unknown isn’t a fan of it, shown in the way his grip is used to press Sunoo against his chest. Sunoo stumbles backwards and his head lands on the shoulder of the still stranger. He smells like expensive cologne, leathery but with a tad sweetness in it and his body feels strong but not bulky. When Sunoo turns his head, he looks at sharp facial features, framed by dark brown hair. The various lights create wild, colorful patterns on his alabaster skin. And then it clicks in Sunoos brain. He knows who that is…

“Sunghoon?”

It can’t be more than a whisper, but it seems like it was enough to understand, because the dark haired man smiles and reveals white teeth with sharp fangs.

“Am I that famous?”, Sunghoon replies with a smug grin. “Sunoo?”

His voice is significant louder, clearer and tinted in amusement and seductiveness. Enough to send shivers down Sunoos spine and his vision is focused on rosy lips. Sunoo doesn’t know if he’s surprised that Sunghoon has this effect on him or that the Park Sunghoon is even here and then this close to him. Because Sunghoon is not just anybody – he is the star player of the college ice hockey team, part of one of the famous fraternities and crush of almost everybody. Sunoo would be lying if the latter wouldn’t also apply to him, but until now he was firmly convinced, Sunghoon is straight. Not bi, not ‘well making out with a guy for the experience, but no homo’ – no, 100 % straight.

The wandering hands on his waist however tell otherwise. Not that Sunoo would mind. He even gets so lost in his thoughts and sensations, that he almost misses the fact, that Sunghoon also knows him.

“You know my name?”, Sunoo asks in total disbelief. Very smooth, Sunoo…

“Of course. How can I not, when you’re this pretty?”

Sunghoon really knows how to talk in this dark timbre and Sunoo just stands there – nothing left from his confidence. He gets turned around in strong arms, covered in a black shirt, sleeves rolled up and looks up in ebony eyes. Sunoo is sure he looks like a prey in front of his predator and to be honest he also feels a little like this. But it’s not bad. It’s thrilling, different and Sunghoon looks at him with an expression full of desire.

Sunoo has to blink a few times to get through the haziness in his brain and regain a little bit of his sanity. There is a part in him that tells him, that he’d better keep his hands off this, off Sunghoon, but when his arms almost automatically sling around Sunghoons neck, it also feels so damn right. Almost like they belong there. A cocky grin appears on Sunghoons face and one of his hands slowly travels up on Sunoos side to gently but with a certain force cup his jaw. A thumb brushes lightly the cupid bow of his upper lip and Sunoo parts his lips.

Sunghoons gaze flickers between Sunoos lips and his hooded eyes. “Ah- I really want to kiss you right now.”

Sunoo just pulls Sunghoon down, brings their faces closer. “Then do it.”

A forceful grab of his neck later are slightly chapped but warm lips on his own. Sunghoon doesn’t hesitate and his tongue swipes over Sunoos bottom lip, clearly waiting for entrance. And who’s Sunoo to deny him? Sunghoon tastes like alcohol and a little like the lip-gloss Sunoo’s wearing. It’s addicting how their mouths are perfectly fitting together and their tongues intertwine.

Sunoo starts to grind subconsciously against Sunghoons thigh, and his hands are buried in the fabric of Sunghoons shirt.

“Aaaw baby”, Sunghoon murmurs right into Sunoos ear, when they part. “A little desperate, are we?”

Sunoo’s embarrassed to no end, when he can’t control the whine that slips out his mouth. He’s never been like this before for any of his partner – especially not for a simple fling – and he can’t really remember when the last time was, he got that horny from a little kissing.  

“Don’t worry. I’m sure, we can fix that. What do you say?”, Sunghoon asks and Sunoo knows what he means by it.

And Sunoo wants. So he nods and there’s a moment of surprise in Sunghoons expression, but it’s quick overshadowed by the previous desire. Sunghoon kisses him again – a hard, almost bruising press of lips – before he grabs him by his wrist and guides them through the crowd to the bathroom.  

They get in one of the stalls and Sunghoon locks the doors behind them. Only then Sunoo realizes what they’re about to do. It’s not that this would be his first time doing this – far from it. But it would be with Sunghoon, the Sunghoon and that sobers him up a little bit.

“Changed your mind, sweetheart?”, Sunghoon inquires. It doesn’t sound disappointed, but more concerned and Sunoo decides to just say ‘fuck it’.

Sure, it’s the Park Sunghoon, but it’s also the Park Sunghoon – everyone wants a piece of him, why not take it when offered?

So Sunoo just whispers a sultry “no”, let his eyes roam from long legs, to a strong and lean upper body, a gorgeous face and back to the oblivious bulge in the navy blue jeans.

Sunghoon seems to catch up on Sunoos blunt staring and he guides Sunoos hand to his crotch. “You want it?”

Sunoo just gasps, before he bites his lip, nods and drops without asking on his knees. He knows he looks like a slut and to be fair he is one, but it never bothered him nor what others say about him.

A breathless laugh fills the small place before it turns into a moan, when Sunoo touches Sunghoons cock through his jeans.

“Ah shit”, Sunghoon curses and his hands fly to Sunoos head to bury his fingers into his platin-blonde hair. “You look so good on your knees. Show me what you can do with that pretty mouth, hm?”

He doesn’t have to ask twice, when Sunoo opens Sunghoons pants with shaky fingers and pushes them along with his boxershorts down. His dick springs free and Sunoo instantly wraps his hand around it. Sunghoon hisses and he has to lean his back against the wall.

Sunoo enjoys the reactions he gets from Sunghoon, but he wants to do better. So he licks around the tip, sucks lightly on the head, before the takes the length in his mouth. His tongue dances along the protruding vein and he starts to bob his head. He knows there can’t be much of his lip-gloss on his lips anymore, but they’re sure as hell are shiny from spit and precum and he looks up through his lashes.

“Can you fuck my mouth?”, Sunoo asks, before he wets his lips again.

Sunghoon gulps and his eyes widen, before a dark gaze focuses on Sunoo. “Oh baby, of course I can.”

Sunoos mouth immediately fills with the heavy weight of Sunghoons cock as soon as he parts his lips and Sunghoon pushes further until he reaches the back of his throat. “Tap my thigh, if you need a break. Alright, baby?”

There is some kind of nod from Sunoo and then no holding back from Sunghoon. His hips move without much thinking and he gives himself to the sensation of the hot, wet tightness around his dick.

It shouldn’t be this arousing for Sunoo giving a blowjob in a dirty club bathroom stall. But well, his throbbing erection says otherwise. And with every thrust, every breathy moan from Sunghoon, he gets closer to the edge. His thighs rub against themselves and he presses one hand against his cock – paired with an especially forceful thrust he comes in his pants like a teenager. Because of the vibration of Sunoos moan Sunghoons orgasm approaches too and he floods Sunoos mouth with his cum.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry! I should’ve asked”, Sunghoon hastily apologizes. His hair sticks to his forehead and he’s a little out of breath.

Sunoo just swallows, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and smiles. “It’s fine.”

“Yeah… WOW!”

With that Sunghoon helps him stand up again and to Sunoos surprise kisses him. “Your turn…”, he rasps.

“Well…” Sunoo’s more than embarrassed to admit that he came from giving head, but he did.

Sunghoon looks down on him and smirks. “Oh baby…”

They kiss again. This time deeper, but not like the rushed kisses from before. When they part, Sunoo doesn’t really know what to do. Normally he leaves his partner, goes back dancing or home, not giving them his number. But this time he would like to exchange numbers, stay in touch, but again: it’s Park Sunghoon. He just doesn’t know what to expect.

“Can I have your number?”

Now he knows and to be honest it’s not what he thought. But Sunoo sure as hell won’t complain. He just accepts the smartphone with the open “new contact”, types in his number and his name with a little heart at the end and hands it back.

Just to get back to his usual sassy self, he kisses him on his cheek, gives him his biggest smile and waves when he leaves the stall. “Goodbye Sunghoon.”

Then he almost runs out of the bathroom, searches for Jungwon and grabs him by his hand to drag him out the club.

“You never believe me what happened!”

***

Jungwon partly believes what happened, simply because he saw it for himself. That doesn’t mean it shocks him any lesser.

“So you’re telling me that ‘the definition of heterosexuality’ Park Sunghoon asked for your number?”, Jungwon follows up.

“That is what disturbs you the most?”, Sunoo shrieks in disbelief.

“Yeah… Kinda. I mean, the gay club-thing? An experiment, maybe even just the result of stupid talk from the locker room. The blow job? Well, also kinda excusable – he’s still a man after all. But asking for your number? In this situation? That hits different”, Jungwon explains, raising his eyebrows triumphantly.

Sunoo has to admit, that he has a point here and he tries to understand what this all could mean. It shouldn’t bother Sunoo so much. Yes, it happened. Yes, there’s a possibility that Sunghoon would like to see him again. But it’s just a possibility. The silly little crush Sunoo always willfully tried to shut down is slowly creeping up and spreads butterflies in his stomach.

He thinks he hallucinates, when he hears the same voice, which made him weak in the knees a half an hour ago. But when he turns around he sees Sunghoon coming out of the club laughing with a few people. It shouldn’t surprise him and maybe it would’ve been wiser for Jungwon and him to go somewhere else and not just the parking lot, but now they’re here.

“Do you want to talk to him or…?”, Jungwon asks tentatively, but gets interrupted by a loud screamed “Eh Kim!”

It’s not Sunghoons voice, but Sunoo knows to whom it belongs, and he just rolls with his eyes. “I handle it”, he assures Jungwon and strides the few steps to the group of mostly stereotypical fratboys. One of them is Jay, campus-flirt and compliments everyone with two feet. Then there’s Heeseung with the ability to just flirt with his eyes and it works. Next to him Jake, also flirty as hell, just more in a cute way. Sunoo never had sex with them in any type of way, but that doesn’t mean they never tried at one of the frathouse-parties.

However, the one who addressed him, is not one of those mentioned. It’s the red-haired guy with such a smug expression on his face, Sunoo just wants to smack it off of him. He knows him and most of all his image.

“So how was it?”, red-head speaks, before Sunoo can even open his mouth.

An uneasy feeling bubbles up inside of Sunoo, he glances to Sunghoon, who just stares to the ground. “How was what?”, presses Sunoo with a forced smile.

“Getting a piece of the Park Sunghoon. The way you looked on the dance floor, I guess the bet was more worth it for you than for everybody else.” The reply ends with a chuckle and something inside Sunoo happens. His brain finally put the pieces of the puzzles together, while his heart breaks a little. The few minutes of illusion were nice, but well… a bet sounds so much more plausible.

“Hyunjin! Shut the fuck up!”, interrupts the sharp voice of Sunghoon the laughter and Sunoos train of thoughts. “Sunoo… It’s not…”

“It’s not what? Not true?”, Sunoo scoffs. The silence that follows is answer enough and he just shakes his head. “Then just tell me the whole story. What exactly was the bet about?”

“Sunoo… No- you don’t want...”

“Don’t tell me what the fuck I want, Park! If you are not man enough to tell me, there are four more of you”, Sunoo contradicts sternly and stares challenging at the others.

“Three”, Jay corrects, his face distorted in a frown. “I didn’t know any of this and I’m disgusted and overall more than disappointed, Sunghoon.”

Heeseung and Jake are looking at each other, seemingly embarrassed and ashamed, but don’t say a word.

“Well, then I guess it’s my time to shine”, Hyunjin announces. “You see, it was more drunk talk, because our Sunghoonie never had his gay experience. He said he would never like it, blah blah. So we took him here and I guess you’ve done a good job of persuasion. Free food for all of us.” He grins devilish at Sunoo who has to process everything Hyunjin said to him.

“Why me?”, is what plagues his mind the most right now.

“Oh that’s easy, darling”, Hyunjin answers in a sweet tone, while he steps closer to Sunoo and tips up his chin with his index finger. “Because you’re a whore…”

It’s not new hearing these kind of words. Sunoo knows his behavior leads to a talking like this behind his back or sometimes even straight up to his face like right now. But in this context it hurts. He doesn’t feel human anymore, just like a thing to be used and not in a good kind of way. Nevertheless he won’t show it. Not to them, especially not to Sunghoon.

“Better a whore, than someone who has to drug the people, so they would have sex with them.” Sunoo looks a few seconds intensely at Hyunjin, who grits his teeth. Then he turns his attention to Sunghoon whose eyes took a remorseful expression, but Sunoo doesn’t care. The sound of the slap across his cheek surrounds the parking lot and Sunghoon rubs the already bruising spot. Sunoo may look fragile but he has strength in his body.

“Fuck you, Sunghoon! And delete my number.” That’s the last thing Sunoo says before he goes back to a more than worried Jungwon. Only when he is in the arms of his best friend, he allows himself to cry silent tears. He knows the heavy sobs come later when he’s alone in bed and shame overcomes him.

***

It’s different. Normally Sunoo forgets his flings as soon as he steps out of the club, but not his time. Sunoo can’t decipher why this hook-up with Sunghoon occupies his mind like this. He tells himself it’s because of the bet. Usually he has the control over the situation, the person. Sure in the end he has sex with them and for the majority he gives away his body to easily, but for Sunoo it’s fun and he likes the feeling of being desired. But now he was chosen not because of his looks or how he presents himself. No, it was because he was easy. And that brings out a lot of self-doubt and tugs at his confidence.

Plus there’s a small part in the corner of his brain that is simply hurt. Hurt, because he thought for a short moment Sunghoon was really interested in him. Interested in a kind of getting to know each other, more than a quick fuck. That there is some kind of connection between them. What he quickly shuts down is the voice that tries to tell him that he felt something other than his little crush when they were together. The way he let go so easily in the presence of Sunghoon, because it felt so right and like they fit perfectly together. Yeah no, definitely not.

It's been five days since this thing happened and Sunoo still sometimes spaces out because of it. Like right now, he doesn’t realize that Jungwon speaks to him, until he gets poked with a pen in his ribs. A squeak of surprise and pain escapes his lips and he quickly puts his hand over his mouth. They’re currently in the library and the lady behind the counter isn’t very tolerant regarding loud noises.

“What the hell, Jungwon?”, Sunoo hisses in a whisper.

“No! What the hell back, Sunoo!”, Jungwon whisper-shouts back. “I said your name like ten times without a reaction. What is wrong with you?”

Sunoo sighs and slumps back in his chair. “Nothing…”

Concern spreads across Jungwons face. “Is it still because of Sunghoon?”

It’s not that Sunoo doesn’t want to talk about it or that he’s ashamed. He knows Jungwon would never judge or lecture him, but he already knows everything what runs through Sunoos mind. They talked endlessly about it.

“Kinda… I mean, it’s nothing new what bothers me, you know…”

Jungwon takes Sunoo hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. “You are a wonderful person, Sunoo. Never forget that. It’s your life, you can do whatever you wanna do, if it makes you happy and no one has the right to judge it. You did absolutely nothing wrong, do you hear me? What they did, was terrible and I hate everyone of them with every fiber of me. I can’t believe I have to work with one of these assholes soon…”

It takes a lot of effort for Sunoo not to cry. Apart from seeing an upset Jungwon, what is a mix of cute and scary, his words are more than comforting. They don’t magically erase his thoughts, but it’s a nice reminder and hearing that Jungwon can actually hate someone is a little shocking. Sunoo never thought that the friendliness in person is even able to hate someone.

“Ah but Jay didn’t know of the bet, y’know?”, Sunoo quickly defends Jungwons future co-worker. Partly because he doesn’t want to cause misunderstandings, but also because he knows of Jungwons little crush on Jay, which he’d probably never admit. “He’s actually kinda nice.”

“I still don’t like him…”, Jungwon murmurs with a pout. Sunoo doesn’t really get it, why Jungwon has so much trouble with his feeling towards Jay, but he won’t interfere. He’s busy with his own emotions.

“Yeah sure…”, is everything Sunoo says and he smiles softly, slowly forgetting about his own dilemma for a moment.

Jungwons head whips in his directions and he glares at Sunoo. “What does this mea-?”

“Sunoo?”, a voice interrupts Jungwon and his glare directs to the intruder.

Sunoo recognizes the voice immediately – no wonder, considering how often it replayed in his head the last days.

He slowly turns around and looks up to Sunghoon. Perfectly styled hair frames the still handsome face with eyes so dark in color you drown in. A faded purplish bruise covers his cheekbone. His light blue shirt exposes a defined collarbone.

Sunoo kind of realizes that he shamelessly stares, but he’s just to stunned to say anything. Seems like that Jungwon does this for him, as he stands up, hands on his hips and his glare intensifies.

“What the hell do you want from him?”, Jungwon demands. He tries to be quiet, but it takes him a lot of effort.

Sunghoons gaze flickers between Jungwon and Sunoo and he seems actually nervous. “I- I just wanted to talk…”

“About what?”

“Last weekend… It- I want to explain… I- yeah…”, Sunghoon stutters and scratches the back of his head.

“Fuck off with your explanation!”, Jungwon spits out, but Sunoo raises his hand.

“It’s okay. Let’s talk”, Sunoo announces and stands up.

“Sunoo… You don’t have to…”, Jungwon reminds him and his expression is full of worry.

A smile as convincing as Sunoo can muster spreads on his lips and he nods. “I know. I do it for me.”

With that Sunoo leaves the library, an almost silent “follow me” towards Sunghoon. It’s just down the hall in an empty corner of a staircase, but better than a room full of other students.

“So… explain”, Sunoo urges.

Sunghoon puts his fidgeting hands in the pockets of his jeans and Sunoo wonders if these are the same from the last time or just similar looking. They sure as hell look extremely good on him. But that is a thought for another time or maybe better never again.

“I’m sorry”, Sunghoon blurts out.

“What?!”

“I’m sorry…”

“I heard you. And? For what exactly? Was fun, wasn’t it?” Sunoo can’t hide the mocking undertone. “Told your ‘bros’ everything? How good the throat of a man can be? What a good whore I am? Oh wait, I was your baby while you used my mouth. I say it gladly again: fuck off Park Sunghoon.”  

He shakes his head in disappointment – of himself or Sunghoon, he doesn’t know – and is about to leave when a tight grip around his arm stops him.

“Sunoo, wait! Please…”

Sunoo just stands still and sighs. He shrugs Sunghoons hand of him, but stays and gestures to him to speak.

“I know it was god damn stupid and I shouldn’t have done that to you. Hell, to nobody. Jay was right, it was disgusting, I am disgusting. As Hyunjin said, it was dumb drunk talk at the frat party. And I am so so sorry… I don’t know what I can do, that you forgive me”, Sunghoon rambles as he looks everywhere else but at Sunoo.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn’t just do it because of the bet. Tell me you wanted to do it, wanted to do all this with me”, Sunoo replies calm, even he was anything but that.

He doesn’t know why it was that important to him, but it was.

Sunghoons expression morphs into something unreadable and Sunoo fears the worst, but then there’s a soft caress of fingertips on his hands – a gentle request for further touch. Sunoo takes ahold of the fingers on the back of his hand and plays mindlessly with them.

“Please don’t ever think that I didn’t want that, wanted you”, Sunghoon finally says vividly. “You were- you are a gorgeous person, Sunoo. It is true, that I thought, I could never find a man attractive, but you’re probably the sexiest person I’ve ever seen. I may have my chances wasted, but there’s a reason I wanted your number, you know…”

Sunoo is speechless. His mouth opens and closes but nothing comes out. He just doesn’t know what to reply. It’s a lot to process and not really the outcome he expected.

“I- I know it probably sounds weird, but maybe we could be friends at least?”, Sunghoon suggests and Sunoo thinks his head is about to explode. Like- WHAT?

“Uuh…”

“If you don’t want, it’s fine, I get it”, Sunghoon quickly backtracks.

“No! No, that’s not it. But- are you sure? Friends? With me? The whore?”, Sunoo inquires and can’t help the little teasing tone.

“That’s never what I thought of you”, Sunghoon answers in complete honesty and Sunoo finds it absolutely endearing but still chuckles, what earns him a raised eyebrow.

“Alright. Friends it is”, Sunoo agrees with a warm smile.

Sunghoon smiles back. Pearly white fangs poke through rosy lips and a dimple appears on his left cheek. It makes Sunoos heart beat a little faster and he regrets this whole friends-thingy already.

***

Being friends with Sunghoon is principally easy. After their talk Sunoo got a text in the evening from an unknown number with a simple “what are u doin?”, followed by a next one with “forgot you don’t have my number, heres Sunghoon btw”.

Sunoo giggled like a maniac in his bed and hugged his teddy bear (totally forgetting that Sunghoon actually should’ve deleted his number). He replied far too quickly and used way too many emojis. After everything what happened, he shouldn’t be this happy about their little texting. But yeah, they’re, friends, right?

It still takes him by surprise, when Sunghoon invites him to his next ice hockey game. Maybe ‘invite’ would be the wrong wording, because it was more along the line of “would be nice if you’d watch me play next time, I promise I try extra hard for you”.

Those sentence left Sunoo again giggling and smiling at his phone and butterflies erupt in his stomach. Jungwon, who sits next to him, raises questioningly his eyebrow while he sips on his cappuccino. They’re currently sitting at the café Jungwon’s working and technically Sunoo joined him for his break but then came Sunghoons text and everything else was forgotten.

“Hello? Earth to Sunoo?! What’s gotten you so smiley and shit?” Jungwons dark boba-like eyes stare a hole into Sunoos soul and that’s his turn to spill his misery.

“Well you know, Sunghoon thought it would be nice, if I come to his next game…”, Sunoo explains, a shy grin on his lips.

Jungwons astonishment is written all over his face. “He thought- what?”

“That it would be nice-“

“I heard what you said”, Jungwon interrupts. “I just don’t understand it. When the heck did you get so close?”

“I told you, we are friends now!”, Sunoo defends himself. It even sounds wrong to him, so no wonder, Jungwon looks judgingly at him. “We text sometimes…”

“Sometimes?” There’s this sceptic undertone in Jungwons voice and before Sunoo even recognizes what’s happening, Jungwon snatches his phone out of his hands.

He scrolls through the message history and his eyes widen even more, the disbelief clear in his expression. “What the actual fuck, Sunoo?”

Sunoo just rolls with his eyes. It’s nothing forbidden in these messages nor exceedingly explicit. Sure occasionally it could be perceived as flirty, but also just banter between friends. At least that’s Sunoos view.

“Firstly: why are you even friends with him? Second: why the hell are you texting so fucking much? And third: this is more than friendly!”

Jungwon points at a text from Sunghoon in which he told Sunoo he could study him instead of his textbooks. Sunghoon apologized immediately for the plump line and reassured him that it wasn’t meant that way. Sunoo would be a liar, if he said, he wasn’t even a little bit disappointed.

“He was just joking”, Sunoo scoffs and waves his hand dismissingly.

“Uh-uh suuure…”, Jungwon replies and his voice drips with sarcasm, before his whole demeanor gets serious. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. I’ve never seen you acting like this before, not even in your short dating phase with Yudai. And he was openly gay and really interested in you.”

Sunoo thinks back to his time with Yudai or ‘K’ how most of his teammates called him. He is also in the ice hockey team and extremely good, what probably is the only reason they let it slide that he is this openly gay and even shows it off. Sunoo was one of his ‘arm candies’ – they were a more than good-looking couple and Yudai was nice and caring, but something lacked. They broke up, it hurt a little but Sunoo recovered fast.  

With Sunghoon however… Jungwon might be right, it’s different. How exactly different, Sunoo can’t tell yet and he doesn’t even want to dig deeper, because they’re just friends. Right?

“You really consider going, am I right?”, Jungwon guesses, tone flat and a deep furrow between his eyebrows.

“Yeah… I mean, why not?”, Sunoo stutters out and shrugs with his shoulders.

“Why not?! Sunoo, it’s a fucking ice hockey game. You have absolutely no idea about the rules, it’s freaking cold and that’s all for a guy who treated you like absolute shit. No matter if you’re ‘friends’ now. He’s playing with you and you even fall for it. What’s up with you?”

“I don’t know, okay? It’s just- Sunghoon… Let me try it? Let me try this friendship or whatever?”, Sunoo pleads.

Jungwon sighs deeply, closes his eyes and eventually fixates his sharp gaze on Sunoo. “Fine. Don’t say, I didn’t warn you. I really hope, it ends well for you – whatever outcome it may be. I love you and support you in every stupid decision you do, you know that?”

“I know, still nice to hear sometimes. Thank you, Wonie. Love you too”, Sunoo replies with a big smile on his face. “And because of that, you come with me, right?”

Jungwons recently emerged smile falters. “Are you kidding?”

***

Much to Jungwons displeasure Sunoo was not kidding. That’s why they sit on a Saturday morning on uncomfortable chairs in the college owned ice rink. They are a few rows above the players bench, loud music drones out of the speakers to fire up the crowd. Jungwon was right again, it is cold and Sunoos not so happy about his outfit choice. He made a crop top-version of the college t-shirt paired it with a high waist jeans with cut outs and just put on a light cardigan. That was a stupid, stupid idea.

“Are you maybe… cold?”, Jungwon teases in his thick sweater which earns him a middle finger.

“I’m fine.”

Jungwon chuckles beside him and is back on his phone, scrolling through his social media-feed. Suddenly the lights go out, only the ice is illuminated. The stadium announcer welcomes the guests, introduces the guest team and finally the members of the home team are getting announced.

Sunoo knows a few names like Choi Soobin, Bang Chan and of course Koga Yudai. The crowd cheers when his name is called, and he waves his gloved hand. But nothing compares to the noise when the person enters the rink, who’s the cause of Sunoos stay.

“And here’s our superstar, our top scorer, the one and only Park Sunghoon!”

Sunghoon only bows and raises his hockey stick to greet the people. He already wears his helmet, so Sunoo can’t see much of his face, but he seems concentrated, focused. And the way he slides on his skates looks so effortlessly elegant, it’s unfair.

The game starts and from then on, it’s mostly a blur for Sunoo. Jungwon was right again, because he has absolutely no idea what’s going on. He hears the sound of hockey sticks crossing, shouts between the players and fans screaming their chants. But when the referee (yes, he knows this one) pauses the game, Sunoo can’t pinpoint the reason behind it. One look beside him, tells him, that Jungwon also has zero idea, the way his face frowns in confusion.

It only gets interesting when suddenly everyone around them cheers and some players gather around to clap each other on the shoulder. Sunoo guesses someone shot a goal. He can’t say it for sure, because the puck is too damn fast for his eyes whenever it moves. But the announcer proves him right.

“Our number 23 did it again! Scorer for the 1:0 Sunghoooon…”

“Park!”, finishes the rest of the stadium.

Sunoo looks in awe at him. Sunghoon removed his helmet, to get rid of the sweat on his forehead. He does it with the hem of his jersey and the tight undershirt accentuates his defined figure. It’s a sight so distracting, that Sunoo almost misses the wave towards him paired with a small smile. Quickly his hand shoots in the air and Sunghoons smile gets wider, his pearly white fangs on display. Sunoos heart skips a beat and yeah shit, that’s not good.

But then the moment is gone and the game continues. Sunoo ignores Jungwons judging gaze and tries to focus on the players. He can’t say if they’re good, but sometimes it looks extremely hurtful the way they crash into each other. It seems like, it doesn’t bother whether the players nor anyone else, so Sunoo guesses it doesn’t hurt that much.

The referee blows his whistle again paired with a sound through the speaker. A few people stand up and the players leave the ice. Confused Sunoo turns to Jungwon, who relaxes in his seat and puts his phone out.

“Is it already over?”, Sunoo asks, his head tilted.

Jungwon lowers his phone and looks perplexed at Sunoo. “You’re kidding, right? Have you done any research at all?”

“Yes…? Okay, no…”

Jungwon sighs. “That was the first third. Now we have a fifteen-minute break and then again twenty minutes gameplay. And then the whole thing again. Got it?”

“No way…”, Sunoo whispers more to himself.

“You wanted to go…”

***

A few goals later, Sunoo shivers in his seat and finally the game is really over. Sunghoons team won and accordingly the mood in the stadium but also on the ice is more than euphoric. The teams shake hands, before the celebration begins. Loud cheers and chants erupt and the players knock their hockey sticks against the plastic barrier. It’s funny to look at and Sunoo gets the enthusiasm behind it, even he still doesn’t get the hype about the whole sports-thing.

After another ten minutes or so they bid their goodbyes and leave towards the players bench and eventually changing rooms. Before Sunghoon disappears, he looks at Sunoo, who waves again with a shy smile.

“Hey Sunoo, meet me outside in fifteen?”, Sunghoon screams and shocks everyone including Sunoo.

He needs a jab from Jungwons elbow to snap out of his trance, before he nods eagerly and earns again a toothy grin from Sunghoon.

What. The. Hell?

***

“Are you sure you’re okay?”, Jungwon asks for the nth time, a concerned frown on his face.

“Jungwon, honey, go!”, Sunoo almost screams at him and squishes his cheeks between his hands. “Don’t be late to your dance practice, Yeonjun is killing you. You did enough for coming with me today. I’m fine, really.”

Jungwon doesn’t seem totally convinced, but the mention of an angry Yeonjun, the leader of the dance team terrifies him. “Okay… Okay good. But text me, if anything happens, alright?”

“He won’t kidnap me, Wonie”, Sunoo jokes, but Jungwon just glares at him.

“You know exactly what I mean, Sun. I’d be more than happy for you that this – whatever it may be – works out, but I highly doubt his sudden change of heart, I’m sorry.”

“I know and I love you for that. Someone has to be the one with the brains”, Sunoo replies with a smile and engulfs Jungwon in a crushing hug.

“Love you too”, Jungwon answers also as a goodbye and Sunoo pecks his cheek when they part. Jungwon waves a last time before he runs towards the college owned dance studios.

“Can I get one too?”, a familiar voice, clearly with amusement tinted, asks.

“Uh-uh no, just best friend-privileges”, Sunoo replies with a chuckle, as he turns around.

Sometimes he forgets how breathtaking Sunghoon looks. He’s the epitome of fragility and strength in one. He’s not petite, but there’s something in his facial features that makes him look soft – despite his pointy fangs and defined jaw. The dark hair, the bushy brows and chocolate brown eyes make a perfect contrast to his pale shimmery skin. And his body… God, his body. He’s not bulky, but he’s tall and it’s clear to see that he plays active sport. And holy shit, these hands? Slender long fingers, two with silver rings on it wave in front of Sunoos face and he finally snaps out of his trance.

“You good?”, Sunghoon asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Y-yeah sure, I’m sorry. It’s just, uhm…”, Sunoo stutters and was about to expose his thoughts, when he stops himself covering his mouth with his hand.

“Just?” Sunghoon smirks and raises questioning his eyebrow.

“Nothing”, Sunoo quickly declines, a blush rising on his cheeks. “So why are you here?”

The question seems to confuse Sunghoon for a second, but then he shrugs. “I just wanted so see you”, he answers bluntly. “Am I not allowed?”

That’s – again – not good for Sunoos heart; not at all. But he covers it with a shy smile, while biting on his bottom lip and hoping his blush isn’t that visible. “Y-you are. Of course, you are.”

“Good”, Sunghoon replies, also smiling and god, Sunoo hates how it makes him feel.

“So… uhm”, Sunghoon begins, but gets interrupted by a loud voice who screams excitedly Sunoos name.

Sunoo looks beside Sunghoon and sees Yudai walking up to them with open arms.

“Hey”, Sunoo greets him, returning the hug and giggles when Yudai lifts him a bit off the ground. They didn’t break up on bad terms and even if they don’t see each other that often anymore, they’re still close.

“So now you’re coming to our games?”, Yudai asks, skeptically and fake-hurt; arm now resting on Sunoos waist.

Sunoo rolls playfully with his eyes and chuckles. “As if you cared.”

“Don’t hurt my feelings, baby”, Yudai clutches his chest, but laughs. “But maybe you should consider your outfit-choice…”

That’s when Sunoo’s reminded of how cold he is and a shiver runs down his spine. “It’s fine”, he still says, playing it down with a smile.

“You can have my jacket, if you want?”, Yudai offers, but gets interrupted by a stern looking Sunghoon.

“He can have mine”, he declares, takes off his varsity jacket and grabs Sunoo by his upper arm.

It’s a firm, but still gentle grip and moves Sunoo out of Yudais embrace into Sunghoons chest, who puts his jacket around Sunoos shoulder.

Yudai raises his eyebrow, a smirk tugging on his lips. “Wait- are you two…?”

“Oh no, no!”, Sunoo is quick to decline; not because he wants to, but to avoid unnecessary rumors, that can bring Sunghoon in trouble. “We’re just friends.” It stings a bit to say it, but it is what they are.

“Tell that Mr. Overprotective”, Yudai mumbles and looks at a frowning Sunghoon, before he focuses back on Sunoo. “Well, it was nice seeing you again. Let’s go out some time, yeah?”

“Sure”, Sunoo agrees smiling. He can’t hug him, because Sunghoons arm is around his shoulder in a tight grasp, so he just waves as a goodbye.

“What do you mean with ‘going out’?”, Sunghoon wants to know, as soon as Yudai is out of sight.

Sunoo blinks a few times, a bit perplexed about the sudden question. “Just going to the club or something, I guess. We went there a few times, when we were together and also after that, since y’know he’s also…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, trusting Sunghoons intelligence to get the hidden message.

Sunghoon just hums and if Sunoo wouldn’t know better, he’d say Sunghoon is jealous, but he can’t let his mind wander too far. It’s a bit hard, when his arm is still laying warm and cozy around his shoulder, even when they’re beginning to walk.

“Where do we go?”, Sunoo asks, his head tilted to look at Sunghoon, who seems a bit lost in his thoughts.

“I seriously don’t know”, he chuckles, a lopsided grin left on his lips. “What about the park?”

The nearby campus park is swarmed up by couples, so it wouldn’t be Sunoos first choice, but for Sunghoon he always makes exceptions. That’s why he nods and just enjoys spending time with him, still waiting for when he retracts his arm.

They don’t talk, but it’s not awkward. Sunoos enjoys the warmth, he knows he shouldn’t, but he allows himself the moment, just like the tiny butterflies in his stomach, that become even more prominent with every soft brush of Sunghoons thumb on his collarbone. Yes, that’s how close they are.

It’s when they almost reach the park, Sunghoon breaks the silence. “How is it?”

Sunoo’s confused, because he has absolutely no context to that question, but it sounds like Sunghoon put much thought into it. “How is what?”, he carefully requires.

Sunghoon sighs and stops in his tracks. He’s not looking at Sunoo, instead starring at the ground and now also finally removing his arm from Sunoo.

“Being gay and so open about it. You and Yudai… It seems so easy…”, he says it so quiet, it’s almost incomprehensible.  

Sunoos mouth opens and closes without saying anything. He just can’t; too many thoughts are running through his mind right now. Foremost the big fat ‘why?’ behind Sunghoons question. No one asks this without a reason, especially not in that way. And then memories are flooding his mind from his coming out and his journey to where he is now and that it was far from easy. A humorless laugh bubbles up his throat and that’s when Sunghoon looks at him again; a shocked expression on his face.

“Oh my god… I shouldn’t have asked that… I’m sorry- I- It’s just… uhm-”, he rambles and Sunoo shushes him with a pat on his shoulder.

“It’s okay”, he reassures him with a small smile. “It just surprised me, I guess…”

“Understandable…”

Sunoo spots an empty bench a few steps away and gestures with his head to it. “Let’s sit down.”

Their knees slightly bump against each other, when they sit, otherwise they have a safe distance and Sunoo doesn’t know how he should start this conversation, but he tries nonetheless.

“So- uhm”, he begins after a shaky exhale, “I can’t speak for Yudai, it’s different for everyone and I- I don’t know why you want to know that, but I don’t have a problem telling you my story, if you still want to know?”

He looks expectantly at Sunghoon, who quietly nods.

“Okay… Uhm, I don’t want to make you feel bad or something, but don’t just say things like it’s easy for people. It isn’t, it wasn’t, at least for me.”

Sunoo senses, that Sunghoon wants to apologize, but he quickly shuts him up by raising his hand.

“Don’t, it’s fine. You couldn’t have known. It must seem like it with how I live now, but when I realized I liked boys and I told my parents, they- they…” He has to take a break to stabilize his trembling voice. It’s still a hurtful memory, even if he tried to bury it deep inside of him.

He feels cold fingers caressing the back of his hand, but the touch still feels warm and sends a comforting feeling through his body. It calms him down and he’s able to speak again.

“They told me, I’m wrong, disgusting, a shame to the family and tried everything to make me ‘normal’. It didn’t work – obviously.” Sunoo can’t help the chuckle, as he shrugs. “And so I cut ties with them. I make my own money, go my way and do the things I want. So it’s not easy, but I finally feel kind of comfortable with my life.”

“Sunoo, I’m sorry”, Sunghoon says after a while of silence and Sunoo shakes his head.

“I already said, you don’t have to be”, Sunoo replies, nudging him with his elbow.

“I know, but I still am.”

It goes silent again, but then Sunoo just got too curious. “Can I ask you a question now?”

Sunghoon raises his eyebrows, but nods. “Sure.”

“Why did you ask?”

Sunoo doesn’t know, why Sunghoon is that surprised about his question – he even flinched – because it’s just obvious that he wants to know. Everyone would; at least in Sunoos opinion.

“Ah well”, Sunghoon eventually begins, rubbing the back of his neck and a red hue forms on his cheeks. “There’s someone… y’know a guy…”

“Oh”, Sunoo is quick to answer, but then the realization of Sunghoons sentence settles in. Oh. He likes someone, a guy nonetheless. Sunoo doesn’t know how he should feel about that. Okay no, he knows how he feels. He feels like shit, because if he wants to admit it or not, he has a massive crush on Sunghoon and hearing him liking someone hurts.

He still puts on a brave smile and looks at Sunghoon, trying an encouraging expression. “That’s great. He’s a lucky guy and if you’re ready, you should try and ask him out.”

Sunghoons blush intensifies and he begins to play with Sunoos fingers with the hand that comforted him a few minutes ago.

“Are you sure?”, he asks, sounding uncertain.

“Of course. You’re handsome, nice and funny – quite a catch, if you ask me”, Sunoo encourages him.

It seems like that are the words, Sunghoon needed to hear, because then he intertwines their fingers and looks at Sunoo with a tender smile. “So, Sunoo, would you like to go out with me then?”

***

“No. fucking. Way.”

These are Jungwons words, when they’re sitting in Sunoos dorm, Sunoo telling everything that happened, ending with the invitation to their date. Jungwon almost dropped the cake-pop, he brought from his parttime-job at the nearby campus café and looks with wide eyes at Sunoo, who can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

“Yes way!”, he exclaims happily.

“And you said yes?”, Jungwon requires, senses back after blinking a few times.

Sunoos smile falters and he tilts his head. “Of course, why should I not?”

Jungwon sighs, not wanting to ruin the good mood of his best friend, but he has to be the reasonable voice in this whole ordeal. “I’m just worried, okay? You finally live the life you wanted, not having to hide yourself anymore and now you’re going on a date with a straight guy that wants to try himself out? I don’t know…”

Deep down Sunoo knows that Jungwon is right, so he can’t really argue against his words. He just doesn’t want him to be right, because he’s down bad for Sunghoon. After all their texts and even more so the last time they saw each other, Sunoo hates to admit it, but he’s fallen in love with Sunghoon – the famous, ‘oh so straight’ ice hockey-player.

“Yeah… It’s just…”, Sunoo finally says, smile faded, head hanging low between his shoulders.

Jungwon senses what plagues Sunoos mind and he doesn’t want to force him to speak it out loud, so he just slings an arm around his shoulder. “I know and I don’t say, you should never, okay? Just be really sure about it.”

Sunoo nods into the crook of Jungwons neck, inhaling the calming strawberry-scent from his best friend and decides to really think about it. His heart is still totally enthusiastic about the date, but his rational side – and yes, it exists – considers Jungwons words.

However not very long, because his phone vibrates and when he looks at the screen there’s a new message from Sunghoon, asking if he’s free on Saturday. There are no doubts or second thoughts, when he instantly reaches for his phone and types a fast “yes ofc”; it’s like Jungwons words never existed.

“A ‘no’ was never an option, huh?”, Jungwon asks, but it sounds more like a statement. He sighs, but there’s also a smirk tugging on his lips.

“I don’t think so”, Sunoo agrees, biting his lip.

“Alright… Do you need help with your outfit?”, is everything Jungwon says, but it means much more. It means ‘I’ll be there for you no matter what’ and Sunoo beams at his best friend, while nodding enthusiastically.

***

There are about twenty minutes before Sunghoon should show up at his doorstep and Sunoo stands before his mirror and reconsiders everything. He did his make-up and wears the outfit, he chose with Jungwon, but now it all feels too much.

The subtle eyeliner and glitter on his eyelids, the rosy blush on his cheeks, the lip gloss – should he really wear this? Doesn’t he stand out with it too much? The light blue jeans sits low on his hips and he caresses the skin of his belly that isn’t covered by the rosé colored shirt.

Normally he would say, he looks good, but now Sunoo tugs on the silver necklace around his throat, plays mindlessly with the little heart-pendant and thinks, he should look manlier. That he doesn’t look so noticeable beside Sunghoon. It’s stupid and Sunoo fought so hard, that he doesn’t have to mask himself anymore, but he can’t help the thoughts, that are running through his mind.

He’s about to open his wardrobe, looking for something else to wear, when he hears a knock. It takes a few seconds for him to decide what to do and a feeling of panic settles in, but after taking a deep breath, he mutters a “fuck it” and opens the door.

Before him stands Sunghoon, chocolate brown hair falling into his face and a nervous smile playing on his lips. Sunoo can’t help and let his eyes wander. To long legs clothed in black jeans paired with a white shirt and a washed out black denim jacket. It’s a mix between classy and casual and now Sunoo feels extra insecure.

“Hey”, Sunghoon finally breaks the silence, still softly smiling. “You look… very pretty.” Now a light pink tints his cheeks and ears and Sunoo chuckles. Mostly out of relief.

“You think so?”

“Of course”, Sunghoon reassures. “You’re always pretty, but now… It really suits you.”

A wide grin decorates Sunoos face and he’s flushed down to his chest. “T-thank you. You also look really good.”

Sunghoon mumbles a “thanks”, before scratching the back of his neck. “So uhm- let’s go?”

“Sure”, Sunoo agrees, takes his little bag and a cardigan and closes the door.

“So where do we go?”, he asks, looking expectantly at Sunghoon, who smiles sheepishly.

“Uh… Well I’d love to have a more fancy plan but to be honest, I’m really bad at it, so I’m just taking you out for dinner if that’s okay?”, Sunghoon replies, sounding dejected.

“Aww”, Sunoo coos and nudges him with his elbow. “Of course that’s okay, don’t overthink it. I just love spending time with you.”

Sunghoon raises his eyebrows in surprise. “You do?”

“Y-yeah…” Sunoo lowers his head in embarrassment, fiddling with his fingers, until a larger, pale one grabs one of his hands and intertwines their fingers; joined hands swinging between their bodies.

“Is this okay?”, Sunghoon asks quietly, thumb caressing the back of Sunoos hand.

“Yes.” More than that. Sunoo doesn’t say it, instead he squeezes Sunghoons hand for a moment, before silence engulfs them at their walk to the restaurant. Sunoo is more than surprised by how bold Sunghoon is, but it’s good; very so. His hand is a bit cold, but it still spreads warmth through Sunoos body.

The evening sun shines down on them and Sunoo has to blink a bit to read the sign of the restaurant, when they stop after ten minutes.

“Jay recommended it to me. He said it’s nice for dates…”, Sunghoon says shyly, while looking at Sunoo, waiting for his reaction. “But we can go somewhere else, if…”

“You talked with Jay about this?”, Sunoo interrupts Sunghoons rambling.

Sunghoon frowns, but nods. “I did, yeah. I just needed someone to… help me? Was this not okay? I’m sorry, if-“

“No, no, oh my god, no!”, Sunoo interrupts him again. “Of course you can talk with him about it. I just thought you didn’t want anyone to know… I was just surprised, I guess.”

“Why wouldn’t I want anyone to know about you? About this date?” Sunghoon sounds genuinely taken aback by this question and Sunoo almost feels guilty by how lowly he thought of him.

“I- I just… I don’t know…”

Sunghoon sighs and takes both of Sunoos hands into his. “Sunoo… If I didn’t want to be here with you, I wouldn’t have asked. I’m not ashamed of you or whatever you think in that pretty head of yours. Okay?”

Sunoo just nods, because his throat is dry and he has to hold back the tears. Everything he was afraid of, got erased by Sunghoons words and he finally can enjoy the tingly feeling of joy that spreads in his body every time Sunghoon looks at him.

“Great. Then let’s get something to eat, what do you say? The pasta is fantastic, at least that’s what Jay said.” Sunghoon smiles warmly at him and gently guides him to the entrance of the restaurant.

It’s a small Italian place with red chequered table clothes and dark wooden chairs. Cozy, would be Sunoos first description. The waiter guides them to their table and hands them the menu.

“Order what you want, it’s on me”, Sunghoon says, before hiding behind his menu.

Sunoo is about to protest, but a squeeze on his thigh shuts him up. “I invited you, I pay.” Sunghoons dark, almost commanding voice, paired with the touch does something to Sunoo, but he tries to ignore the rising heat inside of him and focuses on the food.

After a few minutes, the waiter takes their order and Sunghoon gets them a bottle of red wine, Sunoo knows from his family background it can’t be cheap. Also the selection of the dishes on the menu wasn’t big, but – again Sunoos experience showed – the variations of the ingredients and the not so low numbers on the side, hint at the exclusivity of the restaurant. It may sound rude, but Sunoo is worried, if Sunghoon can afford all of that.

However it’s like Sunghoon can read his mind and his thumb rubs soothing circles on his thigh. “You don’t have to worry, Sunoo. Firstly you’re worth it and secondly I know what I can spend and what not, okay?”

Sunoo sighs out of relief, but also out of guilt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to assume anything…”

“It’s fine, you don’t know me enough”, Sunghoon just shrugs, before a mischievous grin spreads on his lips. “For now.”

A similar expression displays on Sunoos face. “Alright, then tell me about you, Mr. Park.”

Before he can answer, the waiter comes with the wine, lets Sunghoon taste a little sip, before pouring both of them a glass. It looks a bit out of place – two college students, sipping expensive wine in a fancy restaurant, but Sunoo can’t help and admire the whole scenery. Mostly the little things like how the slender, pale fingers grab the wine glass and how a burgundy tint leaves the plump lips.

“So”, Sunghoons voice tears him out of his musings and Sunoo blinks a few times. “You want to know something about me?”

Sunoo nods eagerly, before also taking a sip from the wine. It runs down his throat like water, tasting a bit sweet, but also herb and almost no hint of the alcohol in it. He hums at the taste and feels how the grip around his thigh gets a little tighter. But then Sunghoon clears his throat and relaxes his hold again.

“Well uhm… There’s actually nothing much to tell. You already know, that I play ice hockey. Do it since I’m a little kid. I’d like to maybe play as a pro later on, but there’s the law firm of my dad, so I treat it more like a hobby now.” He sounds resigned, but Sunoo doesn’t miss the sad undertone.

“Not to interfere, but you don’t have to give up what you want, you know? If anyone can speak from experience, it’s me”, Sunoo carefully replies.

Sunghoons look is a bit unreadable for Sunoo; his eyebrows are contracted in confusion and in his eyes is a spark of something akin to understanding. “I guess, I know, but it’s not that I’d absolutely hate it being a lawyer. Plus there’s also this tiny bit of anxiety not being good enough, y’know? Being a professional in sports isn’t easy and yes it’s fun, I love to play, but it’s also hard. And I rather keep it in a good memory and a hobby.” The smile on Sunghoons lips is still a tad melancholic, but Sunoo smiles reassuringly back. “But thank you, Sunoo. Thank you for encouraging me.”

It’s again the waiter that breaches their moment, this time with their food and they let go of the topic.

The pasta, they ordered, is delicious and while mostly it’s Sunoo talking about random stuff, Sunghoon listens attentively, throwing some comments in. The way they communicate, they fit perfectly together. Sunoo has never the feeling of talking too much and even when they don’t say anything, it doesn't feel uncomfortable.

They decide for sharing a tiramisu as dessert and Sunghoon insists on spoon-feeding Sunoo, who blushes like crazy. He’s again more than surprised by how bold Sunghoon is, but he won’t complain.

“You don’t even eat yourself!”, Sunoo protests after his third spoon, licking cream from his lips.

Sunghoon chuckles. “I don’t care, as long as I see you like this”, he nonchalantly replies.

“Eat!”, Sunoo orders, his foxy eyes glaring at Sunghoon, who quickly shoves a spoonful of tiramisu in his mouth. Sunoo smiles satisfied, resting his face in his palm and his elbow on the table.

When they’re done, Sunghoon pays as promised, which still doesn’t sit right with Sunoo, but he doesn’t say anything and they leave the restaurant. It got quite chilly and even with his cardigan, Sunoo shivers a bit.

“Are you fine with walking or should I get us a taxi?”, Sunghoon asks worried.

“I’m fine”, Sunoo answers, “you should’ve seen how I went home from some parties.” He laughs at the memories, but on Sunghoons face is just a frown and he slings his arm around Sunoos shoulder.

It’s warm and cozy and he even leans his head a little against Sunghoons sturdy shoulder, while they walk to Sunoos dorm.

He doesn’t want to go home. Also because he doesn’t know what to do now, when they stand before his dorm door; Sunghoon standing before him, their hands intertwined.

“Thank you for your time tonight. I had a wonderful evening”, Sunghoon finally breaking the silence, softly smiling at Sunoo.

“Thank you for this date, I loved it”, Sunoo replies, also smiling. His heart races in his chest and he takes a step closer. The smell of Sunghoons cologne – leathery, but still sweet – floods his senses and he feels a bit dizzy.

Their faces are just a few inches apart and Sunoos eyes are already half closed, when Sunghoons hand gently cups his jaw. He feels hot breath against his lips and can’t wait anymore. His lips press against Sunghoons; delicate and gentle. Just a soft touch. The smacking sound, when they part still lingers in the air, when Sunghoon unites their lips again. This time a bit more passionate and deeper and Sunoo gasps into the kiss. It’s overwhelming, but good, so so good. He squeezes the hand, that still holds his own and the other fists the collar of Sunghoons jacket. It’s like the time at the club – in theory it’s just a simple kiss, but Sunoo feels so much. There’s more than just lust and affection. They share a connection, which Sunoo doesn’t want to describe for now, but it’s there and it’s undeniable.

Undeniable is also his growing arousal and he doesn’t know, if he wants to stop this for this evening or not. What he does know is that when they continue, is that his dick is doing the thinking for him and so he slowly breaks the kiss.

Sunghoon chases his lips and Sunoo allows him one last peck, before he leans back a bit, looking at the blushing mess before him. He sure looks no better, but it’s a sight to see.

“I-I’m sorry, if I went too far”, Sunghoon stutters out an apology, biting insecure on his bottom lip.

But Sunoo shakes his head and places his index finger on Sunghoons lips. “No, you didn’t. It was amazing.” He smiles softly, kissing the corner of his mouth. “We should just stop?”

Sunoo now sounding unsure himself, looks at Sunghoon, who has a questioning expression in his eyes. “Of course, we can do that. Can I just ask, why?”

“I- I just want to take it slow, I guess?”, Sunoo replies, the statement sounds even in his ears stupid.

But Sunghoon just tugs a strand of Sunoos blond hair behind his ear and caresses his cheek. “Maybe we’re too late for that”, he chuckles, clearly hinting at their hook-up, “but if that’s what you want, we can do that.”

Sunoo doesn’t know, if he really wants that, but he still nods, earning a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“Thank you”, he mumbles into Sunghoon chest.

“Not for that. Good night, Sunoo.” Sunghoon smiles again, his pearly white fangs on full display, and then he lets go of Sunoo.

With a wave he leaves and Sunoo is just able to murmur a “good night”, before he opens his door and is met with his lonely room. He already hates, that he let him go.

Sunoo is one second away to call Jungwon and rant about the date, but then he decides against it. Instead he just throws himself onto his bed and stares at the ceiling, rethinking everything what happened. He can’t really grasp the fact, that he went on a date with the Park Sunghoon. It’s not that he wants to put him on a pedestal, but it was always just so unimaginable for him, mostly because Sunghoon was straight. Said point is also a thing, which confuses Sunoo in a way. Sunghoon treated him today like he would go on a date with a girl. Never shied away from physical contact, showing affection or being flirty. And don’t get him wrong, Sunoo absolutely loved it, but it also made him wonder, where that confidence comes from. Shouldn’t everything be a little awkward to Sunghoon? Being with a man? Maybe – probably – Sunoo overthinks it, but he can’t help the thoughts from running through his mind…

***

Sunoo didn’t overthink it.

Okay, maybe a bit, but Sunghoons boldness wavered sooner that Sunoo expected it. Not in the way that Sunghoon was eventually ashamed of him or doesn’t want to be with him anymore. No, not at all. They already went on a few dates more, Sunghoon even took him to the ice rink one time and he taught him to skate. Or tried would be the better wording. And all of their dates would end with passionate kisses and a half make out-session in front of Sunoos dorm door. Nothing more.

Unlike the first time, when Sunoo stopped them, Sunghoon was now the one, who always backed away, catching his breath and looking with hooded eyes at Sunoo. When Sunoo asked, if he wants to come in, he declined, leaving him with a kiss on his forehead.

Some say patience is a virtue. Sunoo disagrees. He wants Sunghoon. Of course, he also would wait, if he wasn’t ready, but something tells him, he also wants and they already went beyond a little kissing, so Sunoo decides to face the ‘problem’.

They again went out together – this time to a small Korean restaurant near campus – and now stand before Sunoos dorm. Sunghoon is about to lean down to kiss him, but Sunoo puts his hand against his chest and uses the other to unlock his door.

Sunghoon looks confused at him. “What…?”

“Come in”, Sunoo orders, going in and just hopes that Sunghoon follows, which he reluctantly does. “We’re not making out in the hallway again. I have a very cozy bed for this.”

Sunghoons confusion turns into shock, probably by how outplayed he got, and he blinks a few times. “Y-yeah… Uhm… Okay?”

“Get on it then”, Sunoo says, head cockily tilted and smirks when Sunghoon sits down at the edge of the mattress.

Sunoo follows suit, straddling his lap and slinging his arms around his neck. “That’s how I like it.”

With that he kisses him. It starts slow, lips softly meeting, while their eyes are closing and hands are wandering. Sunghoons fly to his waist, touching the bare skin not covered from his loose crop top and Sunoos massage lightly his shoulders, grabbing them when Sunghoon nibbles on his bottom lip with his teeth. It’s a begging for his tongue to enter Sunoos mouth, who is just too willingly to comply.

It would be funny with how eager Sunghoon became, exploring Sunoos mouth, if not for the soft moans coming from Sunoo, when the other sucks on his tongue.

Sunoo carefully moves his hips, pushes himself down more when he feels the growing bulge in the tight jeans, that drove him crazy the whole evening and earns a stifled groan between their kisses. The grip on his waist tightens, making his movements not easier, but also motivate him to go faster. That is until a muffled “stop” reaches his ears. It gets louder, when he doesn’t immediately stop and that lets him halt in his tracks in an instant.

It makes him annoyed, but also kind of worried and he frowns. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah… No? I- I mean… I don’t know?”, Sunghoon stutters out, head hanging low and his hands are gliding down Sunoos waist, until they’re just lying on the bed.

“You know, you can tell me, when something bothers you, right?”, Sunoo reassures him and cups his jaw to make Sunghoon look at him.

A crease builds between the full, bushy brows of Sunghoon and he bites unsure on his bottom lip. “It’s just… I don’t know anything!”

“Huh?” Sunoo really tries to make sense, what comes out of Sunghoons mouth, but he just can’t.

Sunghoon sighs. “Y-you just have so much experience, were with so many men…” When he realizes what he just said, he quickly backtracks. “Not that I judge you for that or anything! It’s just… What if I can’t keep up?” His voice gets quiet to the end and Sunoo wants to coo at him, but he knows it’s not the right time.

Instead he kisses him; just a quick, tender peck. “Please don’t do that. With you, it’s already special”, Sunoo tells him, their faces so close, that the sight of Sunghoons chocolate brown eyes gets blurry. “Do you know why?”

Sunghoon just shakes his head and Sunoo softly smiles.

“Because you are special. Special to me. I like you, Sunghoon. So much.”

He never said it and he doesn’t know what his confession will do to their relationship. But he can’t and won’t keep it to himself anymore.

Sunghoons eyes widen in surprise and something sparkles in them, Sunoo can’t really pinpoint. “You do?”

“I do.” Sunoo nods, still waiting for a more clearer reaction.

But it comes, when Sunghoon hugs him close to his chest and buries his nose into his neck. “Oh god, I’m so happy, you have no idea.”

“You are?” Now it’s Sunoos turn to ask in confusion.

“Of course”, Sunghoon replies. “I know, I totally fucked up in the way we met, but when I saw you and touched you for the first time, I just knew there was something about you, I didn’t want to let go.”

Sunoos heart beats loudly in his chest and he’s sure that Sunghoon can feel it, but it doesn’t seem to bother him, because he places a kiss right on the spot on his throat.

“I like you too”, he whispers, when he looks up at Sunoo and it sounds like so much more, but it’s enough for now.

And so they seal those words with a kiss. A kiss full of passion, longing and a hint of something like love.

Sungoons hands travel under Sunoos top and while the touch still is careful, Sunoos skin is burning under the cool fingertips. The previous tension returns and this time Sunoo won’t stop – he knows what he wants and he will get it.

“You want to know something else?”, he seductively whispers into Sunghoons ear, while unbuttoning his dark grey shirt.

Sunghoon gulps and nods timidly. “Yes…”

A smirk unfolds on Sunoos lips and he slides Sunghoons shirt from his shoulders. “I can just show you everything you don’t know. What do you say?”

Without warning he takes one of Sunghoons nipple into his mouth and sucks lightly on it. “Oh god- fuck, yes please…”

It’s kind of ironic, how whiny and pliant Sunghoon lies there, considering his behavior, when they first met, but Sunoo won’t complain. He likes to take control and to have it over a man like Sunghoon, strokes his ego more than ever.

A confused “what” leaves Sunghoons lips, when Sunoo slowly stands up, but he just shushes him and takes off his top. Next are the shorts, who looked more like a skirt and he felt Sunghoons eyes constantly fixated on his ass throughout their date. It leaves him almost naked, just covered with his pink lace panties; a cute bow on the front. He wore them on purpose, hoping which turn this evening will take. And by the look on Sunghoons face it was the perfect choice.

“You like it?”, he asks fake-innocently.

“Shit… yes”, Sunghoon answers, palming his erection through his jeans.

“Good”, Sunoo grins. “Lie down”, he orders and follows Sunghoon who rushes to lie down on his back, head hitting the soft pillow.

Sunoo straddles Sunghoons lap again and teasingly caresses his abdomen, lets his fingertips running down the waistband of his jeans, before he opens the button and unzips the fly.

Sunghoon hisses, when Sunoo traces the outline of his dick through his boxershorts and his hips buck uncontrollably up. Sunoo chuckles at that.

“Be a bit more patient, Hoonie. Relax and watch.”

Normally Sunoo is pretty confident and has no problem showing off, but now it kind of feels like his first time. It shows in the way his hands tremble a little, when he leans over and grabs the bottle of lube from his night stand and he needs a quick moment to take a shaky breath. He really tries to be bold – for the both of them; he knows he has to be.

But it’s not that hard anymore, when he looks at Sunghoon. Sunghoon with flushed cheeks, messy hair and glazed eyes with a hungry expression in it. He wants that as much as him. That thought pushes Sunoos nervousness in the back of his mind.

He decides on kissing Sunghoon first – just because his lips are addicting and there’s this deep need of being close to him. Sunghoon’s being enthusiastic, meeting Sunoo already and his tongue slips past his lips in an instant. Sunoo moans into Sunghoons mouth, who then moves to his throat, leaves kisses in his way down to his collarbone, where he buries his sharp teeth. Sunoo knows it’ll bruise and something about it, turns him even more on.

“Fuck”, Sunoo mumbles into Sunghoons chest, “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

In the corner of his eye, he sees Sunghoon slightly panicked look, but also the desperation in it and that’s all he needs to grab the lube he got before and shoves the panty down his smooth legs. He knows how to make a show of pleasuring himself, how to put his hands all over his body, feeling himself up, until he eventually starts to prep himself. Two fingers at once were probably not his best idea and he has to bite his lip to cover the upcoming hiss, but he’s impatient and it wouldn’t be the first time for him. And if he’s completely honest, he always liked a bit of pain.

“God, Sunoo… you drive me crazy…”

The words come out strained and paired with a moan, because Sunoo moved in that exact moment his hips, right above Sunghoons dick, still trapped in his jeans. Sunoo, previously a bit lost in his own pleasure, opens his eyes, he didn’t notice he closed and looks at Sunghoon, jaw clenched and fingertips deeply buried in the flesh of Sunoos milky white thighs. It’s a sight, how he almost looses control and Sunoo is nowhere near prepped enough, but he doesn’t care in that moment.

“Strip”, he orders therefore, after climbing from Sunghoons lap.

After a quick moment of confusion, Sunghoon removes the rest of his clothes and throws them carelessly on the floor. He now lies bare on the bed, his dick hard and dripping with pre-cum on full display for Sunoo, who hungrily stares at it. Sunoo’s tempted to take him down his throat, but that was not his plan. That’s why he straddles his lap again, grabs the lube and puts a good amount in his hand, before loosely stroking Sunghoons cock with it, who throws his head back at the touch.

“Ready?”, Sunno asks after a few seconds and even Sunghoon’s seemingly not really sure for what, he nods.

Taking a deep breath, Sunoo positions himselfs right over Sunghoons dick and slowly sinks down. It’s more of a stretch than he thought, because his dick is fucking huge, but it also feels deliciously good. When he finally bottoms out, the first description would be ‘full’ and his whole body tingles. A sustained moan leaves his lips and he takes a look at Sunghoon, whose eyebrows are drawn together, eyes shut tight and his hands are wrapped around Sunoos waist, fingertips deeply buried into the soft skin.

“Everything okay?”, Sunoo asks, brushing the chocolate-brown hair out of his face.

“More than okay”, Sunghoon replies, heavily breathing. “You’re just so… tight… fuck, Sunoo…”

Sunghoon doesn’t have to say it, Sunoo already knows what he means by that. And so he smirks at him. “It’s okay, Hoonie. Cum for me…”

Sunoo begins to move his hips, hands on Sunghoons chest, scratching it, when he grazes his sweet spot. He can feel his own orgasm slowly building, but also how Sunghoons thighs shake and just a few moments later he hears a loud groan and the grip around his waist tightens.

“Shit, Sunoo!”

That’s Sunoos sign to stop and he lifts himself up, feels how Sunghoons cum dribbles down his thighs. Sunghoon sees it and Sunoo doesn’t know what to expect, but definitely not getting thrown on his stomach. Sunghoon is right behind him and raises his hips with his hands, grabbing his ass-cheeks right after.

Sunoo is a bit overwhelmed by what’s happened, but more so, when he feels how Sunghoons tongue follows the trail of cum from his thighs to his hole, teasingly traces his rim. He can’t help, but shamelessly let out a whorish moan.

“Good?”, Sunghoon asks and it sounds like he really wants to know; not cocky or rhetorical.

“Fuck yes, so so good”, Sunoo answers truthfully.

Sunghoons tongue is immediately back, pushes into his hole, exploring Sunoos walls. A distinct thought of how Sunghoon knows all of this runs through Sunoos mind, but it’s gone, when he feels slender fingers covering his pulsating dick.  

He was already close before, so it doesn’t take much more to make him cum. In the end it’s Sunghoons thumb swiping over his wet tip, that causes him to shake in Sunghoons hold, when his orgasm washes over him. He moans out his name and holds tightly onto the sheets, before collapsing on the bed.

Sunghoon cuddles up to him, softly kissing him on his shoulder.

“Thank you”, he whispers, nuzzling his nose into Sunoos hair.

“For what?”, Sunoo asks, after finally catching his breath.

“For not judging me, for being patient and… liking me”, he replies, hesitates at the end and Sunoo guesses – or maybe it’s just his imagination – he’d like to use another wording.

Sunoos heart flutters at those words and he turns around in Sunghoons arms. “You don’t have to thank me for that. You do that for the people that are important to you…”, he says, tone gentle and then he decides to put everything out in the open. “Especially when you’re in love with them.”

Sunghoons eyes go wide and Sunoos blood rushes in his ears. There’s a great possibility he ruined everything. Liking someone and being in love are very different circumstances, Sunoo knows that and he has no idea why he said that now, but he can’t and won’t take it back. It’s true and if Sunghoon rejects him now, he has at least the memory of a great night.

“I never…”, Sunghoon starts and Sunoos eyes already starts to tear up. “I never imagined having such feelings like I have for you. And to be honest, it scared the shit out of me, that I had them for a boy.” He chuckles lightly, but it seems like, he just did it to calm his own nerves. “But here you are, being so beautiful, inside and out, I can’t even describe it. I’ve fallen too, Sunoo. So hard, you have no idea.”

Sunoo cries, but not because he thought he would. No, Sunghoons words made his heart full of joy, warmth and love – he has the feeling it overflows.

They share a few kisses – languid, but deep – that conveys their emotions and smile like fools in-between them. There still might be some things to figure out, but something tells Sunoo that now everything’s possible. For a long time he didn’t know where he belonged to, but right now, in Sunghoons arms, he thinks, that this is his perfect place to be.