Chapter Text
Well I knew
What I didn’t want to know
And I saw
Where I didn’t want to go
So I took the path less traveled on
And I'll let my stories be whispered
When I’m gone...
When I’m gone
When I’m gone
When I’m gone
Well in this life you must find something to live for
Cause when the darkness comes a callin'
You'll go back to where you were before
Cause this life is as
Fragile as a dream, and
Nothing’s ever really
As it seems...
As it seems
As it seems
As it seems
Well I lost my innocence when in I let him dive
But the way that he looked at me
Made me feel alive
And now I know
Nothin' at all
But the release that comes when you're
In mid fall...
In mid fall
In mid fall
In mid fall
Cause in this life you must find something to live for
Cause when the darkness comes a callin'
You'll go back to where you were before
Cause this life is as
Fragile as a dream, and
Nothing’s ever really
As it seems...
As it seems
As it seems
As it seems
As It Seems - Lily Kershaw
Chapter One - Wednesday, February 17, 2010 – 7:45 a.m.
Cameron stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. There was no need to panic. Not yet, at least. This could be nothing, nothing at all. Maybe it was some sort of hormonal thing. Yeah, that could well be it, some hormonal change. She did just finish her period a couple of days ago. She took a deep breath, held it then let it out slowly. She had to force herself to relax. Everything was a big “if” right now. She couldn’t afford to make herself crazy over something that may, or may not, be happening. And she certainly couldn’t afford to drag Chris into this, either. Not when he had so much going on.
In a couple of weeks, Chris was heading up to Boston to start filming his first romantic comedy. And he was going to be brilliant in it, of that she was certain. Chris had given her the script to read when he’d finished it and wanted her opinion on it. She thought the female lead’s character was a little over the top but the male lead was an exaggerated version of Chris himself. He was going to be perfect in this role. She urged him to take it, thrilled with the idea of finally seeing him exercise his rather impressive gift for comedy. She was also thrilled that, after much cajoling from her, both of their families, friends, and handlers, and even Iron Man himself, Robert Downey, Jr., Chris finally agreed to take on what was likely to be the role of a lifetime: Captain America. He’d had concerns, had been worried about committing himself to the Marvel Cinematic Universe for what could be as much as a decade, but after much talking to, well, everyone, he finally signed a six-movie deal with Marvel. Filming for Captain America: The First Avenger was due to start in England in late June. Needless to say, this was going to be a banner year for Chris, a very well deserved one, and she wasn’t about to throw a wrench into any of that, not if she could help it.
She stepped away from the mirror and finished drying off from her shower. Try as she might, she couldn’t stomp down the feelings of worry, dismay, and, if she was totally honest with herself, white hot anger that rioted through her body at that moment. What the fuck? Seriously, what the actual fuck? Her life was just settling into…perfection. She no longer had to deal with the insanity that came from planning and executing a world tour; she no longer had to worry about the possibility, however remote it may have been, of losing Chris to someone else because he had gotten tired of waiting around for her. She was free now, to a certain degree. Of course, she’d only given up touring, not her entire career, so she still had plenty of commitments but now she had the freedom to pick and choose where, when and how she honored those commitments and she was free to fly back and forth to wherever those commitments were and to wherever Chris was. When she was on a tour, she was tied down to that tour. She couldn’t come and go as she pleased; hell, there was never any time since her schedule was always so tightly packed. Now that she’d been away from it for several months, she couldn’t wrap her head around how she’d put up with that shit for so many years. Jesus, no wonder she was all but completely exhausted when she finally stepped foot off that plane in December and presented herself on Chris Evans’ doorstep.
And now this…this whatever it was. This thing she was desperately trying to not make a big deal of…but that would be a big deal if it turned out to be what she thought. She felt her legs abruptly go out from under her; luckily, she was right next to the padded bench in the bathroom and was able to sink down on it before she hit the floor. She leaned her head back against the wall and valiantly fought to keep her tears at bay. She lost that particular fight. As big, hot tears leaked from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, she kept asking herself – and the universe at large – why? Why her? Why now? Why? Why? She clapped a hand across her mouth to stifle the sobs that were now wracking her body. Chris was in the next room. Although he’d been sleeping when she crawled out of bed and tiptoed into the bathroom, wanting to get showered, dressed and down to the kitchen to make him breakfast before he awoke, if he was awake now, he’d either hear her crying – she swore he had ears like a fucking bat – or he’d take one look at her face the moment she stepped out of the bathroom and know that something was wrong. Chris would call her on it immediately. It was almost scary how highly attuned he was to her. Maybe it was from all those years of waiting; it made him learn how to really read her. Well, whatever it was, he was able to do it and do it extremely well. There were times when she almost didn’t have to speak. She sighed, sniffled then took a few deep breaths to try to steady her nerves.
After a few minutes, she made certain that her legs were steady enough to carry her weight and stood up. She went to the sink on her side of the vanity and turned the cold water on full force. She splashed her face with the icy water, hoping the shock of cold would stop her tears and make her face look less blotchy. Not for the first time, she cursed her fair Irish complexion. She remembered how her father always used to gently tease his daughters about how their crying jags showed on their faces for a half hour or more after the tears had stopped. She gave a slight smile as she recalled how Chris once told her that even her ugliest cries looked phenomenal on her. She’d smacked him in the back of the head for that remark, alarmed that he’d been able to tell she’d been crying, even though the tears had stopped almost an hour before. Damn her Irish complexion. If Chris was awake when she stepped back into their bedroom, he was going to know she’d been crying. Shit. She dried her face, sighed then finished getting dressed. She set the bathroom back to rights, pulled her still damp hair back into a ponytail then, sending up a quick prayer for strength, slowly opened the door and stepped out into her bedroom.
Chris was still asleep. Thank you, Jesus, somebody up there really liked her. She crept over to the door, pulled it open enough for her to go through it and quietly shut it behind her. She was glad he was still out cold, not just because she didn’t want him to see she’d been crying, but because she hadn’t yet figured out how to explain to him why she was crying. As she headed down the stairs of her townhouse, she debated with herself over the wisdom of saying anything to him – or to anyone – at this stage of the game. When she got to the first floor, she paused a moment, her eyes drifting automatically towards the doorway that led to the kitchen. She shook her head and headed instead toward the parlor. Once there, she slid the pocket doors closed and walked over to her desk. She picked up the handset on the desk phone and punched in a number.
“Hello, Cameron. Saw your name on the caller ID.”
“Good morning, David. I’m sorry to call so early in the morning but I really needed to speak with you.”
“Is everything okay? It’s not often that I receive a call from you on my private line at eight in the morning. Are you all right? Has something happened to someone in your family?”
“The clan is fine, thanks, David, but…” Cameron hesitated, tears threatening again.
Dr. David Shapiro, the Kennedy family’s longtime personal physician, heard the strain in Cam’s voice but wisely chose to let her take whatever time she needed to speak. Just her calling at that hour of the morning meant that something was wrong.
“David, do you have time on your schedule today to see me?”
“I’ll make time. Come in whenever you’d like. Better yet, why don’t you come in at nine-fifteen? My office doesn’t open until ten and Lauren doesn’t usually get in until nine-forty-five but I’ll call her now and ask her to come early so she can be there with us. That way, you don’t have to worry about other patients and all that.”
“Thank you, David. I’d really appreciate that. I don’t mean to put you out or anything but…”
“But nothing. You’re one of my favorite patients. Besides, I know how insane your schedule can be so if you need to see me today, I’ll accommodate you in any way I can.”
“Again, thank you, David. Would you tell Lauren that I’ll arrange to have a car pick her up at her home at eight-forty-five? It’s the least I can do considering I’m making her come to work early and all.”
“That’s very sweet of you, Cameron. I’m sure she’ll be both happy and grateful for that.”
“No problem. I’ll see you in an hour and change. Oh, David, one more thing?”
“What’s that, dear?”
“Could you have your brothers Arthur and Robert be there too?”
Uh-oh. “Of course, Cameron. I’ll call them right after I speak with Lauren. See you in a little bit.”
“Thanks, David. See you soon.” Cameron ended the call.
David Shapiro sat back in his chair at the breakfast nook in his kitchen. His kids, twin daughters in their senior year of high school and two sons, one a freshman in the same school as his girls and the other in his last year of middle school, had already left the house. His wife, Miriam, came to the table, a fresh pot of coffee in her hand. As she topped off her husband’s cup, she said, “Cameron, huh? Must be important if you’re going in early to see her. Did she say what was bothering her?” She could see her husband was very concerned about something Cam had said.
David shook his head. “No, but it was the last thing she said that really has me worried, Miriam.”
She sat down opposite her husband and laid her hand on top of his. “What did she say, hon?”
David looked into Miriam’s soft blue eyes. “She asked for Arthur and Robert to be there as well.” He grimaced. “That can’t be good, Miri.”
Miriam gasped softly. No, that wasn’t good. David was an internist, one of the best in the business. Arthur was a highly respected radiologist and Robert was also at the top of his field. Robert was an oncologist.