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She knew that dating Malfoy wouldn’t be easy, all fifth year was spent hiding from their friends and finding moments to see each other. After they said goodbye in an empty compartment on the train she felt in her gut that the next year would not be the same.
She was right, the moment they saw one another on the train she could tell something had changed. Hermione wasn’t one to cry but knowing that the boy she loved and who had said he had loved her, had just vanished, she saw him skipping meals and class.
She knew he cared about his studies, she wondered what could have happened over the summer that caused him to change so profoundly.
She recalls the sweet boy who would slip notes in her bag so she would find them later, knowing she needed the reassurance that she hadn’t dreamt them. Leaving the dining hall she gave Harry and Ron some excuse about studying. The Halloween dinner was supposed to be exciting but the knowledge that Voldemort had come back was weighing on the students as much as it was on the staff.
Hermione heads to the dungeons to finally talk with Draco. Before they left for the summer they had taken the next step in their relationship. She still remembers the taste of him on her tongue and the way he had made her feel.
Since coming back he hasn’t kissed her as much. She was beginning to worry that he was no longer attracted to her or that it had all been a game. Then she remembered the way that he would hold her and tell her he loved her.
When she spots the stone wall that she knows leads to the Slytherin common room she makes her way between them and knocks on the stone. Minutes later she sees Theo open the stone division. Watching the stones move back into place as she steps through she can see the fire dying out and the papers around the fire.
“He’s in his dorm.” Theo had found them last Christmas snogging in a charms classroom and had kept their secret, He was upset for some time, he had thought that he had shown loyalty to Draco over their almost 15 years of friendship. After a few days, Draco finds her to tell her that Theo will keep their secret. Over the coming months, he also became a cover for them.
“Is he ok?” The worry in her voice seems to snap Theo out of his books and to look at her. She was in a pair of joggers and a stolen jumper of Draco’s. She was too tired and tense to dress any more than this.
“What’s your definition of ok?” He was avoiding the question like a true Slytherin.
“Can you answer the question?” She was getting tired of this back and forth. “He hasn’t been up to eat in two weeks and ignoring all of my notes”
“He’s busy.”
She was done with the bull shit. Leaving Theo to talk to the wall she heads down the stairs towards his dorm. She heard Theo sigh as she left, but Hermione could not – would not go on like this, ignoring the lies and the plain disrespect. She was – is his girlfriend and she deserved some answers.
Unlocking the door with a quick Alohamora she walked into the room where they had lost their virginity together and had talked about everything and nothing all at once. She can think of every time they kissed, argued, studied and talked into the night. She knows they’re not perfect but they work. They fight about stupid things and the way Draco takes his tea – sugar and tea – but they never avoid each other knowing they can always talk to each other, no matter what.
She can see him on the bed sleeping, his form under the sheets the rise of his chest and the twitches of his body. She knew he hadn’t been sleeping, the dark circles under his eyes told her it had been a while since he got a good night's rest.
She moves to remove her sneakers and socks, padding over to the bed she lifts the green sheets that cover him and slides in next to him. She can feel him turn to face her, his eyes still closed but no longer peaceful. Hermione can see the emotions cross his face as he opens his eyes. His beautiful blue-grey eyes, she always found them the most captivating thing of him, the way they could convey every thought and emotion and still look so cold to those who didn’t know him.
The confusion morphs to sadness and he reaches to push the hair out of her face. That’s where she sees it. Hermione knew she knew that when she saw him at Borgin and Burkes he was no longer the boy she knew.
“Hermione…” Draco’s voice is begging her. For what she is not sure he even knows. But she just wants to pretend for a little while longer. “It’s not…” He goes to move and get out of bed and she knows that everything she thought she knew was gone. And it hurts, the pain in her chest is there the one when she knows something bad will happen. “I need to explain…” The raw pain in his voice is what breaks her out of the trance.
Getting out of the bed in lightning speed she round on him. “You don’t get to explain!” Hermione yells, she points her wand to the door locking it and throwing up a silencing spell.
“Mine’...” She can see the tears in his eyes start to form, but if she starts to think of that she will never say what she needs to.
“NO!... You do not get to call me that” The pain in her voice is audible and tangent. “You’re a… a.” She can’t say it, because then it's real. It’s real then it's gone.
“Please… Let me explain…” He was moving closer and closer the distance between them was growing shorter.
“Malfoy…Stop… Stop… I can’t.” She couldn’t breathe, the air was to think and the walls were closing in.
“It was to keep you safe…”
“No… Don’t you ever say that”
“It was this or he would kill me…” He was still closing in on her. The pain she felt could kill an army, she could feel her heart beating too fast and hard. It was too much too fast. Something broke inside her hearing him.
“I don’t CARE you have the mark.” She was yelling again. “You… YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!”
She saw the look on his face go from worried to confused. “What?”
“I'M THE PERSON YOU TELL THINGS TO!” Her voice only got louder. After a deep breath, she took a step towards him. Placing her hand on his bare chest feeling the rhythmic beat of his heart.
“Hermione…” He never used her name. He stepped closer and she let him know something he didn’t.
“You tell me” It was a whisper. Something so small only for them. Just like everything.
“I did it for us”
“No” Hermione only thought back to the times she heard him say that before and remembered it was the sweetest words he ever said.
“I love you” Now she wasn’t too sure of that because when people love each other they trust each other.
“Do you?”
“Love, there is nothing I know more than my love for you”
“You tell me” It felt like a mantra she kept telling him but it seemed like it was for herself too.
“It wasn’t safe… Hermione… If he knew what you were to me…”
“Were?” The pain was consuming her in vast amounts and she needed to get out of here.
“I Love you, I will always love you”
“No…” He kept saying those words but “You tell the people you love that you’re a DEATH EATER!”
He moved away from the volume of her words making him wince. “IT WAS FOR YOU!” they were both screaming now. “IT WAS ALL FOR YOU!”
“Never tell me you did this for me!” Her voice was deadly at this point. She didn’t want to be blamed for his actions. She wasn’t sure of the person standing before her. She only saw the face of the boy she loved. “This isn’t what you do for people you love”
“And you would know?” Looking hurt she took a step back. She was done with this.
“I’m done” She didn’t know what she meant by that but she did know that she needed out of this room, once full of beautiful memories.
“Mine’...Please… I love you… I would do anything to be by your side.” She saw the tears in his eyes fall, that was her breaking point. She had done that to him she had hurt the boy she loved.
“Draco…” She moved closer to him and she heard him begging for her forgiveness. The tears in his eyes the cracking of his voice. Once she was in front of him she reached to touch his cheek she felt his tears. She loved him – loves him – no matter what he did or will do, Draco Malfoy is the love of her life and she will be damned if some dark lord will stop them from being together.
“Please…Please…I’ll do anything.” The boy she loved was now on his knees, she knelt with him holding him, feeling him fall apart in her arms.
“Draco…I love you, I will always love you…” Truer words have never been spoken.
“Please don’t leave me, Hermione I love you…please.” She could feel him giving up, wanting to shut down and give up.
“I love you.” She would say it till he believed her. Draco was it for her. No matter how hard she would stand next to him. Gently moving his face, she leans her forehead on his looking at his tear-stained face and red-rimmed eyes she sees the boy she loves, not the one who lied and betrayed her. Hermione saw the boy who would put notes in her books telling her she looked beautiful and that she was brilliant.
Moving her lips to his, she can feel a breath of relief leave him. Draco presses his lips to hers, she tastes the salt of his tears but there has never been anything sweeter. It was slow and full of love. She knew that they needed time to heal. She thought of how she needed time to process this what this would mean for their future and the impact this could have on the war. She knew that this was the last kiss for a while.
The next time she would see him it would be to apologise. She would take too long and they would only have a few days before the accident in the bathroom.