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You remember Pengun and Sachi's warning. Now you see it. "Don't date the captain, It'll turn akward in the end," Now's too late to be wishing for a time machine.
"Hey, i need some help with some paperwork, in my office." He said lowly, as he motioned you to follow him. You nod standing up, walking in his direction. He leads you to his office, opening the door, and holding it open to let you in first.
His office was as you'd remember- organised mess. It had a bookshelf you once used everyday while reading with Law, a desk, and a couch in the corner. Law closed the door as he entered, making his way to the desk. He sat in his chair, looking at you with a serious expression on his face. He motions for you to sit. You sit across from him, spinning on the desk chair, strangly placed at the other side of the table. You were pretty certain he moved it just for you. looking at his eyes, you waited for him to say something.
You tried not to look nervous. It wasn't too difficult, it never was, unless it was with him. he knew you too well.
Law watched you as you sat across from him. He noticed the look in your eye, or so you thought. If he did, he didn't show it.
"There's something I need to discuss with you." His gaze serious, expression stern.
"So I figured" You say with a slight chuckle, trying to ease the tension.
"listen,"
"I'm listening cap't"
"Good" Law leans forward a bit in his chair, resting his elbows on the desk and his chin on his hand.
"You can keep a secret, right?" He asked, expression still not changing.
"Well" You lean forward,resting your elbows on his desk, mirroring his position. "Have I ever not kept a secret?"
"No, I supposed you haven't" He said dropping his eyes for a second. He knew of course you're not telling his secrets to anyone. You proved that to him many times. Asking always made him feel better though. "I have a question."
"Mhhm" You hummed back, waiting for him to continue.
"Have you.." He paused for a moment, seemingly hesitant to finish."If its not too intrucive.." He took a second to breathe and collect himself together."have you.."
"Have I?"
Law was visibly nervous, to you at least. His face remained stoic, but you could always sence when something's up with him. You suppose that's partially why he got so nervous now.
"Have you.. been with other people after.. y'know.. us?" He asked, gaze fixed on your's.
You raised an eyebrow,
"Us, you mean the 'us' after you broke up with me with little to no explanation, when the polar tang was not going to surface until about three weeks after? That us?"
Law looked away uncomfortably, knowing you were right, It had been a shitty move, he knew that. "Yeah, that 'us'" He said, his gaze meeting your's. You weren't sure what answer he had hoped for.
"Why do you wanna know? I thought you said 'You dont see us being together'?" You were honestly quite fed up with his acting this way after he was the one who ended things. Just after finally giving you his trust, opening up and making you feel like it was good. You felt quilty, even if you knew you did nothing wrong. You never showed it, you're too prideful for that. If it's one thing you will never do in your life, is act desperate in front of a man. You honestly thought you and Law were secure, but later you got reminded why you were choosing women all these years before Law. "What changed?" Maybe it was childish, but you held a grudge.
Law stomach dropped hearing your words, seing the look in your eyes.
"I don't know, I just-" Law sighed, visibly trying to find his words. He had always regretted letting you go, but too prideful to admit it. Hearing you say the things he already knew, but had tried to ignore made him want to sink into the ground."I made a mistake, alright?" He said quietly, eyes never leaving your's.
"self awareness is important, isn't it captain?" You said, crossing your arms.
Law chuckled dryly. He always liked when you called him 'captain'. It used to be a rarity, but for the past few months you called him that on a regular basis. It stings now. It used to be playful, but now it has become another thing distancing the both of you.
"Thats it? That's the only thing you have to say to me after five months? Ask me if I've been with someone?"
He backed away, realising how bad the question sounded. "No, it's not the only thing." He paused. "Can I be honest with you?"
"That's what I was honping for since the beggining."
"Please don't get pissed" He remembers your temper.
"Don't fuck with me Law, cut the bullshit, and tell me what you gotta tell me."
"Alright, arlight.." He took a deep breath, bracing himself to speak. He looked at you with those golden piercing yellow eyes, filled with seriousness, but mixed with something else, something soft and yours. Something that once was for you.
"I miss.. I miss you." He finally said, voice barely above a whisper.
You had no idea what to say to his statement, so you said the dumbest thing you coudl've said.
"You see me every day." You mentally facepalmed yourself.
Law rolled his eyes at your response. "You know that's not what I mean, smartass. I miss us being together. I miss you. I never stopped wanting you and only you." He admitted, looking at you with a conflicted expression on his face, like he's fighting with himself.
You stare at him in disbelief. "Okay, so don't you think you owe me an explanation? The reason you broke up with me when things were good. Did you expect praise for telling me you miss me after willingly getting rid of me from your bed, you heart?
Law averted his gaze from your's. Shame and guilt washing over his face. You were right, of course you were. He sighed and ran his hair through his face. Something you noticed he always did when he was frustrated with himself.
"I know I owe you an explanation." He said quietly. "but it's not an easy one to give, it'll just leave me looking like an ass.
"You are an ass."
He chuckled at the statement. He knew it was true. All he did to that was shake his head, suprisingly not in denial. "Yeah, I am, but it wasn't all just me being a dick for the sake of being a dick."
"So for what sake?"
Law ran a hand through his face again, as he leaned back in his chair.
"Promise not to laugh?"
"Laugh?" You scoffed. "You think I find this funny?"
Laws face soured at your scoff, feeling worse about his poor choice of words. He obviously knew you were far from amused. "Right, yeah, stupid question. It's just the answer sounds dumb to me, so i didn't know if the answer be dumb for you too." Law chewed on his lip trying to formulate some sensible words. You waited, expecting him to finish the conversation he started.
"I don't know, it's..." He trailed off, still struggling to voice his explanation. He let out a frustrated sigh and looked up at you. "I was.. scared" He finally let his vurnable side slip.
"Of me?"
Law chuckled at that. "No, not you" He shook his head. " I was scared of how serious things were getting between us I guess. I just got scared of the idea of being in a serious relationship, the kind were we like, plan out the future and all that sappy bullshit."
"Sappy bullshit?"
Law chuckled again, the nervous kind, clearly embarrased by what he was saying. "Yeah, the whole getting married, having kind, buying a house and getting a dog life."
Honestly you dont know if you were more shocked of pissed at the thought of him ending things with you just because it was getting good, to the point of him thinking about the future. You softened your gaze.
"Law." You got up, walked all th eway around the table and sat on the desk in front of him. "Do I look like the kind of woman who whant's to settle in one place, get married, have kids and a dog? Do I?" You cringed at the thought. "Listen, I'm all about commitment, but it doesn't mean all this, thi- I, what?" You were just just confused.
Law looked at you as you sat on the desk above him, a mix of suprise and relief. He wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't your sudden change of demeanor. Continueing staring at you for a moment as he tried to form a response. "yeah, I know you're not the kind of woman who would want to settle in one place, i know that, It's just.."
"But" your hand going up to run through his hair, lifting his hat "You and your 'buts"
Law's breath hitched as you lifted his hat, your fingers in his hair. He couldn't help but lean into your touch, missing the feeling. Despite himself he couldn't control the warmth in his chest, getting his hopes up.
He hesitated for a moment, searching for words. he hated feeling vurnable like this, but he felt more comfortable around you than in front of anyone else. He wanted to be anywhere else right now, and at the same time he never wanted to leave where he is right now.
You swallowed and thought for a second.
"No longer than one night."
Law looked up at you, puzzled. deep down he knew what you ment, but wanted to hear you say it. "What do you mean?" He asked quietly, still leaning into your hand.
You hesitated, you didn't want to ruin this short moment of softness and connection with Law after months of not touching him. Even if there as a feeling of closeness, you could cut the tension in the room with on of the knifes you always kept on you.
"The question you asked at the beggining. Before you start anything, you ought to know.
Law expression changed as he understood what you were saying. He felt a pang in the chest, thinking about you being with other people. It was a thought that has crossed his mind often in the past few months, but he always it to the back of his mind. Until now.
"How many?" He asked quietly, not daring to look you in the eyes.
"Two, you felt a bit quilty about i t now, but still, you weren't together and back.. Let's just say you were an emotional wreck. "Two women."
He naturally felt jeslous and even a bit, but you both knew he has no right to hold this against you, he started this after all.
Law hated himself for feeling this way, but he just couldn't help it. He held still, quiet for a moment, trying the process his emotions.
"How long ago?"
"Like, four months ago. Like I said, no longer than one-nighters."
He went silent. He knew he had no right to be jealous, he was the one who pushed you away. Still, the thought of you with someone else made his stomach twist in knots.
"And you haven't been with anyone since then?"
"No, but Law, I need you to know. Remember the talk we had back in the days? The one when you asked me why why I was so sceptic towards men? You knew why i didn't trust you, you knew what i went through, and you knew that you were the man who fixed that image for me, even if just a little bit. After getting to know you, you made me feel like not all men dissapoint in the end."
At this point you felt a sting in your eyes, your eyelid getting moist, tears threatening to stroll down your cheeks. You're getting emotional. Not good.
"And the-.. And then you crushed the parts of me that were starting to heal up." You can't believe you're just baring your soul in front of him like that again, after you promised yourself not to. "You can't expect me to just-... I don't even know-.."
Guilt washed over him, as if someone punched him in the chest. He knew about your past, he had known all about the things you experienced at the hands of his gender. He promised himself that he would never let anyone hurt you again, and yet there he was, huerting you, just like the people he was supposed to to keep away from you.
Tears priched at his own eyes as he finally looked straight at you. His hear clenching at the sight of you also being on the verge. He hated that he was the reason for this.
You started to laugh.
Laws eyes widened, a mix of suprise and confusion on his face. He expected you to be upset or angry, but not this. He stared trying to make sence of your reaction.
"Why are you laughing?" He asked quietly, his expression still confused and guilty.
"Well" sniff " Were just sitting here, crying together again. Remind you of something?"
He blinked remembering the night you were probbably talking about, filled with vurnability and emotion. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, i remember." He muttered quietly.
"I wanna do something I really shouldn't."
"Ain't that your whole thing? You do things you shouldn't do all your life. That's a huge part that I love about you."
You smiled. "I wanna kiss your stupid face real bad."
"You wanna kiss me?" he chose to be selfish."Well who am i to tell you not to do what you want."
And you didnt't need any more encouregment. You Hopped off of the desk straight onto his lap. You grabbed his face rather harshly. Not that he was complaining, considering your lips on his in a kiss so intence Law could've convince himself that he died and somehow reached heaven. He grinned into the kiss.
"If i said no, you probbably wouldn't listen to me anyway, would you?"
"hmm-" You pulled away for a second. "probbably not, no." And pushed him into the back of the chair yall was sitting on.