Work Text:
“Hello?”
Silence. Shit, maybe he hadn’t meant to call him, he shouldn’t have answered. He let his stupidly dumb brain think that Pedri did really miss him, really did want him, and he answered. He was mistaken because he wasn’t saying anything, maybe it was an accident or he realized-
“Gav?” Is croaked out across the line.
All of his muscles seem to lock up, standing on a ladder in his living room he feels paralyzed. It’s been so long since he’s heard that nickname. He doesn’t even know what to say. Hi, how are you? Why the fuck did you abandon me on my birthday? Is everything okay? Sorry, I really don’t want to come to your wedding because the thought of you being with someone else makes my head spin and my stomach hurt.
He settles on a lame “Yes?”
He hears the elder breathing heavily on the phone, oh. Is he jerking off? Did Pedri seriously call him because he’s horny? Doesn’t he have a fucking girlfriend for that?
“Its Pedri.” He hears a sniffle.
“I know, I have caller ID.” He says flatly.
There’s another awkward silence, and he really doesn’t know what else to say. He shouldn’t be the one to initiate the conversation, he isn’t the one that spontaneously vanished.
“Right.” Pedri thinks for a long moment before he decides to continue, “Do you want to hang out?” With another sniffle, his voice breaks about halfway through the sentence.
Alarm bells go off in his brain, the part dedicated to the man on the phone. “Are you okay?” He’s climbing down the ladder, moving to pace around the tiny room anxiously. Seriously, why the fuck is he calling. “Are you dying?”
“What? No! No, I’m not dying.” A quiet laugh comes through, but it’s the one he always does when he’s nervous or trying to convince everyone he isn’t upset.
“Why did you call?” He’s biting his nails, he hasn’t done that for a long time, but it seems appropriate to start the habit up again.
He hasn’t reached out in years, Gavi had called at least a hundred times in a week after he went no contact. “I missed you.” He shuts his eyes and bites at his lip, leaving it red and shiny. He’s struggling to breathe normally because as much as he wants his Pablo back, he does not want to talk to him right now. But Sofia had demanded he did.
“You miss me?” He sounds skeptical, and he probably should be. Why on God’s green earth reach out after three or so years? “You miss me now? ”
Pedri’s eyes squeeze shut because yeah of course he missed him now. “I never stopped missing you.”
“Really?” Gavi’s brows shoot up in fake shock, he’s a little pissed and a little relieved. “Are you drunk?”
He hears a scoff, “No I’m not fucking drunk, Gav. I just want to talk to you.”
It’s his turn to scoff now, rolling his eyes, “Why?”
“Because I miss you! Jesus, Gav.” He sounds exasperated and it makes him smile, knowing he’s frustrated because of him. Good, because he deserves it.
He stops pacing to think about what to say, to think about why he has suddenly miraculously been called. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He settles on being a bitch.
Pedri is silent for a while. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Leaving me with no explanation as to why? Or doing it on my birthday?” Extra bitchy.
He swallows the lump in his throat and his eyes sting, he deserves this. “Both.” He whispers out, if he cries alone in his closet while on the phone it’ll be a new low.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to talk to you. I wanted you to know I’m sorry. For being a bad friend.”
Gavi laughs, bitter and mean and it cuts the elder to the core. He’s nauseous when he hears him say, “Are we still calling it friends?”
He feels hot tears slip from his eyes, running down his cheeks and neck. His throat feels tight and his hands are shaking, struggling to keep his phone steady. He deserves this. “I don’t know what else to call it.” He stays quiet, can feel his best friend's judgement through the phone. “It was more than that. Y’know.”
“Was it?” Gavi isn’t sure he believes it, feels a spark of hope and gets pissed off that it's there. He’s moved on with his life, he isn’t going to fold for Pedri just because he admitted that what they had was more than a friendship. He doesn’t want him anymore, he lies to himself.
“Yeah. It was to me.”
“Why did you leave me?”
“Because I loved you.”
It catches him by surprise, he wasn’t really expecting the L word in any context other than friendly. He also doesn’t truly understand, because if you love someone, why would you leave them?
He had been quiet for too long so Pedri started vomiting words that he’s spent years locking away, “I love you. And it’s fucking terrifying because you’re a boy and I’m not supposed to be like that. My parents would kill me if they found out, you know how religious they are. And I guess it rubbed off on me cause I still feel like what we did was sinful. Not the sex, the everything else. Because we can write sex off as horny teenagers, but it wasn’t just that. I wanted to marry you and I couldn’t risk my career. And then I tried to move on, tried to find someone else but no one has made me feel the way you do. I mean you've ended my marriage before it even began.”
His jaw is dropped open and his organs feel like they’re stirring inside his abdomen. What the fuck was that confession. “I beg your fucking pardon.” He spits out, “What the hell?”
Pedri doesn’t understand what he’s supposed to say but he does wish he could shove his words back inside of himself. “I’m sorry.” He sobs out, because fuck he is crying on his closet floor wrapped in a duvet like a pathetic loser, not a famous and talented football player. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I wish-” He feels a sob rip through him so hard he loses his breath, and now he’s hyperventilating and the room is spinning, he deserves this.
“Pedri?” He hears from the phone, and it makes him cry harder, he misses the way the boy said his name. “Pedri, are you okay?”
He makes an odd sound in the back of his throat, he can’t catch his breath and he feels so lightheaded. He needs to get a grip but he doesn’t know how. His nails start to claw at his skin as if he’s trying to dig himself out, leaving sharp red lines in their wake.
“Pedro, seriously you’re scaring me.”
“Gav-” He manages to gasp out, he’s so scared. It’s never been this bad. He feels like he’s dying, maybe he is; in the back of his mind, he recognizes that he isn’t scared if he does.
The Pedri-centered alarm bells are blaring in his brain and momentarily Gavi forgets he’s supposed to be angry. “Where are you?”
…
Gavi drove maybe too fast to get to the address Pedri sent him. Maybe it was stupid to go running to his home like a happy puppy, but every alarm in his head was screaming at him to get to his best friend.
He’s practically running when he gets up to the door, swears when it's locked. He decides to fuck all and runs to the fence on the side of his house and hops it, praying the back door was open.
“Pedri?”
He distantly hears his name being called but he can’t stop shaking, can’t catch his breath. It's never been this bad.
He’s sobbing quite loudly, but he’s also in a closet, he isn’t sure his friend will find him. A few moments later he recognizes his bedroom door opening.
“Pedri? Where the fuck are you?” When another sob comes echoing from behind the closet door he runs over. Opens it to find his former friend curled up in a duvet, clawing at his skin, eyes red and watery, unable to breathe and sobbing. He looks so small, he’s never seen him look so small.
“Gav.” He gasps out, looking at the younger, arms reaching out to touch him, verify that he’s real, he’s here. His chest is heaving and his frame is wracked with shaking sobs. His throat sounds raw and hoarse, his cheeks pink and splotchy. He distantly realizes his head hurts like hell and his ears are ringing.
The Sevillan is quick to swoop down and scoop him into his arms, pull him against his chest and thread his fingers in his hair. “It’s okay, just breathe. Your okay, I’m right here.”
“I’m- I’m so so sor- sorry.” He’s wrapping around the boy like a koala, suffocating and tight, scared if he lets go he’ll be gone forever.
Gavi has never been good at hiding his emotions, and seeing the man he loved (loves) crying like this has his eyes glistening. “It’s fine, Pepi, just take a breath. I’m not leaving. We can talk for as long as you need and I swear I’ll listen.” He grabs the hand scratching at the skin on his arm, it's red and inflamed. “I'm right here.”
Pedri nods his head, tries to focus on the words through the ringing in his ear, through the pounding in his head, through the sound of his heartbeat, the sound of his lungs. He feels everything and nothing all at once and it's overwhelming. But his Pablo is whispering something in his ear, his hands rubbing at his head and holding him safe. He tries to match his own inhales and exhales with his boys, tries to focus on the sound of his heartbeat.
He’s run out of tears, but he still shakes like he’s crying, still feels it in his body. It’s fading, slowly. But it is fading. “Pablo.”
“Yeah, yeah I’m here.” He whispers against his hair, squeezing him tight. Honestly, if you had told him two hours ago he would be cuddling Pedri against his chest and whispering to him comforting words he probably would have scoffed and given you a judgemental look.
“I don’t wanna be gay.”
Gavi shuts his eyes, he knows that Pedri is struggling with his identity and all, but some of the things he’s said make him want to punch him. He’s being very brave though, “It’s okay, you’re going to figure everything out.”
“Maybe ‘m not.” He mumbles against the younger boy's chest, nuzzling against him and taking comfort in the feeling. It’s different, his boy is different. He’s filled out a bit, definitely more muscular, he’s grown a few centimeters and his voice has dropped. He looks a bit older too, but not any less handsome. “Maybe I’m straight but, you’re my exception.” He sniffles and his breath hiccups, struggling to remain calm. His eyes hurt.
“Maybe.” He agrees, he’s worried if he argues anything different the man will have another panic attack.
“Are we going to hell?” He whispers, shutting his eyes, the headache is getting worse and he kind of wants to bury himself in Gavi, live inside of his chest and never leave him.
Gavi laughs, only a tad bitter, “No, I don’t think so.”
Pedri nods and hums quietly, “I don’t understand why I’m such a bad person.”
The younger eyes slip shut as well, resting his head against the wall, he’s already exhausted. “You aren’t a bad person, Pedro. You just make bad decisions.”
“No. No, I’m a bad person.” His eyes are stinging again but nothing will come out, “I’m a bad person. I hurt you, I left you. I left without any explanation why, without any warning because I knew it’d be easier for me. I did it on your birthday. I’m a terrible friend because I thought I needed to leave as fast as possible.” His breath is picking up again and Gavi’s hand quickly finds the base of his neck, holding reassuringly. “I treated my fiancee like crap, hell I don’t even love her. I pretended to, I pretended so well that she believed me. I’m hurting her too. I can’t be honest with my family about you because I don’t want them to think of me that way. I don’t even like football most of the time, I’m lying to my fans. I’m so selfish, Gav. I’m so selfish and now you hate me, I’ve lost the only good thing in my life” His body is shaking again.
“I’m still here.” He whispers, “You’ve made some really bad decisions that have hurt me, hurt people.” He thinks a moment looking down at the elder man in his arms, he looks impossibly little, like he’d be scared of his own shadow. Maybe he was. He’d never think he’d see the day Pedri loathed himself. It was painful to see because Pedri was a good person. “But that doesn’t make you bad, deep down you’re a kind person.”
Pedri’s shaking his head, “No, no, I’m a bad person. My actions prove that. I feel bad. God says I’m bad.”
“You were still young, and you’ve had a lot of negative information pumped into your head.” He breathes out a sigh, “You were told that who you are is sinful and disgusting, all because of who you love. You never got to explore that, never accepted it. And you hurt people trying to run away from it. Sometimes, someone is just a terrible person, sometimes you’re just young and afraid. You don’t need to hate yourself for figuring everything out. You just need to apologize.”
They’re both silent, holding onto each other as the Canarian mulls over everything that he’s just heard. Maybe he’s right, maybe he was just young and dumb, trying to deal with life and fame being thrown at him. Maybe it isn’t all his fault, just some of it.
“I’m sorry for hurting you.” He’s breathless as he whispers it, and moves so he can look Pablo in the eyes. “You were my everything, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I got scared and threw it all away. I’m sorry.”
His boy smiles at him, soft and gentle, full of understanding, maybe even empathy, “I know. Thank you.”
“Do you think I can have you again, even if it's just as a friend? I’ll take anything you want to give me.” He’s burying his head in his chest again, can’t bear to look at the man as he says it, cheeks burning with embarrassment.
“We can try, yeah.” Gavi is skeptical, but to be honest this is everything he’s wanted. And Pedri missed him and regretted what he did. He can try to look past it.
They sit on the closet floor for at least twenty minutes, holding onto each other like their lives depend on it. And maybe they’re both afraid if they let go everything will fall apart. So they sit in silence, happily cuddling and feeling their legs go numb.
Pedri’s tears had soaked Gavi’s shirt, and his face felt raw from rubbing at it. His throat was sore and his head still fucking hurt, he was still nauseous but he was so relaxed.
“Mi amor?” Comes a high voice from outside their safe haven.
Shit. Sophia. Did she know he was here? Did she know about him period? What’s she going to say when she sees them cuddling on the floor? Surely you can’t right that off as platonic bro shit, right? His brain is panicking but the boy in his arms doesn’t react.
The door opens and Gavi is terrified as he meets eyes with a stunning woman. Her hair is pulled up in a high ponytail but her bangs are perfectly curled on display. She’s got a white crop top and skirt on with a pair of stunning heels. She’s elegant and flawless. She’s soft and feminine and curvy and delicate- everything that Gavi is not.
Her eyes widen when she sees him. She gives him a small smile, gentle and kind, hurt, and bends down. “You must be Pablo.”
He nods, eyes clearly showing how terrified he is, he can’t get his throat to work so he remains silent.
“Pedri, love, are you okay?”
He nods and gives her a thumbs up which causes her to roll her eyes. “Did what you said.”
“I can see that.” She seems so kind. “Do you mind if I steal him for a moment?”
“Yes, I do mind.” Pedri sits up, his brows furrowed. His eyes are still incredibly puffy and he looks like he’s been crying (probably because he has been crying). He sniffles, “I just got him back, why do you want him.”
She glances at him up and down, “What happened?” Voice soft.
“He was being a bitch on the phone.”
“That’s not what happened dickhead.” He immediately swivels his head and gives him his best judgemental face.
Pedri moves out of his arms and rubs at his eyes. Sophia is giving him a concerned look, the one a lover gives to her partner. Gavi feels he’s intruding. “I got upset, but it's fine now.”
“Did you two work everything out?” He notices how shiny her lips are, how soft her hair looks, how she has a nice pair of tits. He may be for the boys but he can admit tits are nice when presented with some. How much does she know?
Pedri shrugs, he clearly doesn’t like being emotional with her, odd. He’s rubbing at his arm now, massaging where he had torn up the skin. His hair is messy and he looks so little, he’s an adult man.
“Well, I’m going to borrow him for just a moment, I promise I’ll bring him back in working condition.” She’s wearing fancy gold jewelry, her nails are done long and beautifully, and he understands why Pedri likes her. She’s perfect.
Sophia extends her hand to Pablo and he feels like he needs to take it, he’s intimidated by her for sure without a doubt. Pedri frowns as he does, and stands when they both do. Follows them out like a lost puppy, dragging his duvet behind him. He’s gotten taller, and broader, Gavi thinks to himself. He looks so good.
“‘M gonna shower.” He mutters, stripping his shirt. Sophia doesn’t miss the way the new man’s eyes drop to her lover's chest. Doesn’t miss the way Pedri smirks when he notices.
Gavi follows her down the stairs and into the dining room and takes a seat when she motions him to. He feels anxiety shoot through him as he watches her brew a cup of coffee. The silence is eating away at him. Does she know? What does she know? Does she hate him? Does she want him to stop talking to Pedri? They just started mending their friendship and he feels it’d be a shame to end it before they truly fix it. His brain is spinning and his eyes are wide as he tries to think of every possible scenario. He’s always been an overthinker.
“After seeing you I understand why he never moved on.” She’s pouring her cup now after the machine had finished brewing and began to beep. Pours a second cup and asks, “Do you want milk?”
He nods because his throat is so tight with the realization that she knows. He doesn’t know what to say to her, maybe he should apologize.
“I didn’t know you existed until five days ago, he never mentioned you.”
That stings.
“I found him drunk on the floor at three in the morning crying about someone who doesn’t love him anymore.” She sits down with him now, placing a warm coffee across the table from him, and sips at her own. For someone as sweet and kind as Sophia, you’d never expect her to take her coffee black. “About a boy he left. I guess that’s you.”
He nods again, he supposes he can’t do much else but he feels like a fucking idiot, bobbing his head about. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, you didn’t do anything. I can’t hate you for existing.” She gives him a sad smile, it almost breaks his heart. “What are you supposed to do when you find out you're a gay footballer’s cover-up?”
Gavi takes a sharp inhale, he has no idea.
“Don’t worry, I still don’t know.” She laughs and it’s almost convincing if it weren’t for the fact her eyes were starting to shine. “I told him he should call you, or reach out, or something. See if maybe everything wasn’t over. Because he owes it to himself, to you, to try and mend things. And I told him if it didn’t work out we could still get married and I would tell everyone he was the perfect husband.” Her voice is slightly shaky but she hasn’t let a single tear fall.
He bites his lip and glances down at his cup, “You were willing to do that?” Live in a loveless marriage? He leaves the last part out, feels it would be too harsh and unnecessary.
She gives him a kind smile and sips at her coffee again. “Of course, I love him.”
His chest hurts, and he feels guilty, even if he didn’t do anything to her. Something about her was just so kind and loving, she deserved someone who would give her everything she needed. Someone who was doing it because he wanted to and not because he had given up.
“He may not love me, but he’s still the man I was going to marry. I don’t think I can now, not when he has you.”
He sips at his coffee, feels the guilt tear at his insides. Him and his stupid empathy, he feels his eyes sting. “I can leave, you guys don’t need to call off the wedding.”
“No, I won’t take away his happiness.” She finally looks away out the window. “You should have seen him, how hysterical he was because of you. He said he needed you. I don’t think he’s ever said that to me.”
“I’m sorry.” He says again, the tears finally spilling.
“I’m the one who’s supposed to be crying!” She laughs and moves to wipe at his tears, “You boys are such crybabies.”
He laughs with her, he kind of is, and maybe Pedri is too.
She moves back to her seat and begins to play with the ring on her hand, her engagement ring. “It’s so odd how everything can change in a moment. If he had never been drunk I might never have known. I wonder how long he could have kept up the facade.” She takes it off and sets it on the table, staring at it. “He told me about you more the next day, said he felt guilty keeping it inside. He told me sleeping with you was like heaven.” Gavi cringes, it’s weird that anyone knows about that. “Do you still love him? Be honest.”
His voice cracks, “Yeah.”
“I’m not surprised, he’s pretty loveable when he isn’t drunk.” She smiles, “I don’t hate you. I just want you to know that.”
“Thank you.” He smiles, she really is amazing, the perfect woman.
“He has great taste.” She winks at him as she brings the mug up to her lips to drink.
Gavi laughs, a blush tinging his cheeks and the tips of his ears, “He does, you’re beautiful.” He smiles bigger when she blushes, “I’d be straight for you.”
“No, you wouldn’t.” Pedri comes up behind him and kisses his hair, it makes him turn bright pink. He watches as the elder moves around the table to wrap his arms around his girlfriend. He kisses her cheek before walking into the kitchen.
She knits her brows together and purses her lips as he rummages through his pantry. It’s odd, Gavi thinks, how one moment he can sob in his arms and the next be digging for something to eat.
He’s wearing a pair of tan sweatpants and that’s it, you can see the edge of his boxers peaking from the top. His hair is wet and messy and his chest is damp, his eyes are red and his arms bear scratch marks from earlier. But he looks so handsome, standing in his kitchen a mess.
He grabs two protein bars and a banana before sitting at the table, staring between the pair. “So what’d you talk about?”
Sophia smiles politely, but Gavi can tell she’s uncomfortable. “You, and me, and Pablo.” She pauses as he gives her a face of realization, “The situation at hand.”
“Right.” He remarks, taking a bite of his apple.
“What do you want?” She asks him, Gavi doesn’t miss the hint of hope. Poor girl.
Pedri looks like he wants to die, so instead of answering, he takes another bite of his apple. “Dunno.”
The younger boy rolls his eyes, of course, he’s going to be awkward and closed off now. After spilling his guts he tends to get like this, absurdly nonchalant and frustratingly emotionally constipated. Like he’s making up for his previous vulnerability.
Sophia is exasperated as well, looks back to Pablo, and gives him a sad look. “Well, I don’t want to intrude, I’ll be heading out.” She stands, “I’ll text you about moving my things out in the next week.”
“What?” Pedri seems genuinely confused, did he think she was going to stay?
“You two seem to have reconciled, I don’t think you need me anymore, dear.” She gives him a kind smile, but Gav knows her eyes are shining and can see her grip on the mug.
The elder sets his apple on the table, “Yeah, but, I didn’t think you’d just leave.” He seems concerned, did he really love her?
“You expected me to stay? Pedri, you don’t love me.”
Her words are like a slap in the face to both. The Canarian sits quietly tapping his fingers, “I’m sorry, Soph.”
She dabs her inner corners before moving to grab her purse, “I know.” She gives him a short kiss on the forehead before grabbing Pablo for a quick hug, “Take care of him for me.” She whispers in his ear.
She practically runs out the door.
…
It took Pedri about five months to say the word ‘boyfriend’ out loud. They had kind of gone back to friends but more for a while, never really labeling their relationship. But you can’t be just friends when you say ‘I love you’ every night before falling asleep together.
Pedri was clingier than last time. Insisted on sleepovers every night, would Facetime him as much as possible when he was out of town for games. They would share clothes and food and anything they had.
They would stay up late fucking and would wake up to fuck again. Pedri was insatiable, always trying to get inside of Pablo, suck him off, or jerk him off, always trying to make him come. The touching was insistent, although the younger boy wasn’t complaining.
He had practically moved out of his dingy apartment within two months, he was mostly living with his unofficial boyfriend.
Gavi was lying on their couch (he officially moved in ten months in) watching reruns of a game for an article when Pedri pounced. “Hi handsome, didn’t realize you were home so early!” He giggles as the older man covers his face in kisses.
“I missed you so much.” He’s pulling him close and wrapping them together, “I wish I could take you to training. We need to get you a media badge so I can sneak you in. That way we never have to be a part.”
He rolls his eyes and presses their lips together, he’s probably horny.
“Bath?” He whispers against his lips.
Bingo. “Sure, carry me?”
The water was warm, blue, and sparkly. Pedri had recently become a fan of baths and bath bombs, always pampering his boyfriend with anything he could find.
Gavi’s back was pressed against Pedri’s chest as he caressed his sides and complained about training. Told him it was all off the record. It usually was.
“Princess?” It was a nickname Pablo found himself oddly fond of, he hums in response and closes his eyes. “Can I jerk you off?”
He laughs, no he’s already come twice this morning, and he knows Pedri will fuck him before bed. He doesn’t want four in one day.
But his boyfriend is nibbling at his ear, touching his abs and chest, breathing against his neck, and damn it he’s hard, it's difficult not to react. He finally nods his head yes.
Pedri’s hands look so nice wrapped around him, big and strong and veiny, Gavi never understood the hype around hands until recently. He moaned quietly when he felt himself being squeezed. The Canarian was moving teasingly slow, with a loose grip as he nipped at his neck.
“You’re always so good for me, so responsive. Love the way you feel in my hand.” He groans out, he knows how much the younger boy likes his voice and uses it to his advantage.
He’s moaning as he starts to speed up, tightening his hand, moving just the way he likes it. “Wish you were in my mouth princess, you know I love the way you taste.”
Gavi’s embarrassingly close, always seems to be when it's his Pedro touching him. “Pedri.” He gasps out, hands finding the sides of the tub as his back arches.
“There you go baby, just let go, c’mon, wanna see you make a mess all over yourself.”
Sometimes Pablo thinks he could talk him into creaming his pants, the way his voice is so sultry and sexy. He comes, hard and quick, dirtying their bath water and his stomach.
Pedri quickly washes him, drys him off, and lays him in their bed, covering his body in kisses. “So beautiful, most beautiful boy on earth.” He whispers, “I love you, I love you so much.”
“I love you!” He smiles as he accepts the affection, welcomes it, and bathes in it. He loves him more than anything.
After a year together, Pedri tells his brother. After three, he tells his parents. He tells the world the day he announces his retirement, the same day he announces his engagement.
Pedri is dense and struggles to accept who he is. Sometimes he refuses to say he’s gay, claims he only loves Pablo, that no one else matters so why declare his sexuality, even to himself? Gav learns to live with it and learns to be there for him through the ups and downs of his career. Helps him battle his alcoholism.
They stay in contact with Sophia, she moved to New York City shortly after the breakup for a new start, but she wished both boys the best. Messages them updates about her life, and eventually her husband and daughter.
Gavi feels like the luckiest man on earth, to have the Pedri as his best friend and partner. And he probably is.
It took a lot to get here, a lot of betrayal and screaming and crying, but they made it. And now Gavi didn’t have to watch the love of his life marry another woman. Because he’s standing at the altar, in a fancy suit and a blue tie, across from his Pedro, saying “Si, quiero.”