Chapter Text
My name was Special Agent Chelsey Morgan; Code Name: Smoke Screen.
Skills: Biochemical Weapons of Mass Destruction(WMD) specialist; Field Medic; Skilled Hacker
Clearance level: 8
This is how I died.
Terminal. That’s what they told me. I had inhaled too many chemicals… been too close to too many chemical weapons. I didn’t hear a lot after that, I was distracted with my sudden dry mouth and closing throat. I didn’t feel like I was inside my own body. Was it even mine anymore? Or was it owned but something new; something malicious; something… terminal.
My mind was blank and racing all at once while the small team of doctors tried to explain the options I had. I couldn’t process their words but they kept talking and talking. My redheaded angel of a best friend quickly saw me spiraling out of control and spoke over the doctors. Whatever she said made them leave and give us some time alone. I was staring down at my shaking hands, the only part of me that was moving. She turned my chair to face hers before she wrapped her hands around mine, whispering my name carefully. My eyes slowly moved up her arms until I found her face.
Her expression was solid as stone, waiting to see what I would say or how I would react. When I didn’t… when I didn’t move besides my blinking eyes and shaking hands; when I sat before her, barely breathing… I saw her resolve break for the very first time.
“Talk to me, Chels” Natasha said, her voice cracked and her eyebrows pulled together.
I wasn’t sure what to say. What could I say? Any question I asked would have an answer I didn’t want.
“When?” with such short shallow breaths, it was hard to speak the single syllable word.
“About a year, maybe 18 months. They said you’ll start to notice in about ten months,” her voice was just as soft as her pale thumbs that rubbed gently along the back of my hands. Those hands had killed. That voice struck terror into the most hardened criminals. Yet, in that moment, peace and love were the only things I felt from her actions.
I was dizzy; my world was spinning, spiraling down the drain. Nothing lasts forever… but things were just getting good, like the best chapter of my life was about to start. But now, here I am at the end. I dropped my eyes to my hands again, staring at the little silver band around my finger. I didn’t want something flashy and he knew that. My sweet fiancé. The thin band held a small pearl nestled between two little diamonds; simple and beautiful. How could this happen to us?
“How?” I croaked.
“When your heart starts to lose rhythm… it’ll get harder to breathe… cough a lot…”
“No, Tash,” I looked up at her again and my first tear fell, “How do I tell him?”
Her face crumpled in pain as she pulled me in into a hug. That’s when my tears came full force.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I could hear the tears in her voice, “We’ll figure it out,”
She sounded so determined. Like she would find every possible treatment to extend my time. Natasha’s words and the tone of her voice made me realize something; I didn’t want that. If she was so determined to save me, I couldn’t imagine how intensely my fiancé would fight to fix me. I didn’t want to spend my last year using every medicine that may or may not give me a few more months.
When the doctors came back, the briefly mentioned the option of hospice care; treating the symptoms and making me comfortable, before they launched into all of their ideas to try and add another three or six months to my sentence. Because that’s what it was now, a death sentence.
“No,” my voice cracked as I interrupted the conversation. I cleared my throat, “I want hospice,”
Natasha’s head whipped around to look at me in horror as one of the doctors stuttered out, “What?”
“I don’t want 20 miserable months of side effects from medication when I could have 12 normal, peaceful months,” I explained.
“You know he’s not going to let that…” Natasha warned.
“That’s why he isn’t going to know,” I locked eyes with her and she nodded sadly. She’d hold my secret.
The drive back was silent and the air in the car felt thick, choking me until I cracked my window and pressed my cheek to the cool glass. Something about the smell in the outside breeze reminded me of our vacation… when he proposed to me at the beach house in northern California.
Tony let us use one of his fancy getaway houses, and I’d never been to California so that’s where Bucky chose to go. He’s the one that set up the details with Stark. James was never one to be excessively romantic in front of the others, so I was relieved for a sorely needed vacation… just the two of us. Even if it wasn’t exactly the warmest time of year, I was excited to see the beach. We arrived just before sunset and he insisted I go inside and watch the sun from the balcony while he would carry in the bags.
After pulling a fleece sweater over my head to ward off the chilly northern wind, I stood looking out over the ocean as the sun slowly drown. I protected my cold hands in the large fleece pocket before I felt another pair of hands move down my arms and into my pocket as well. He sighed, resting his chin on my shoulder and I leaned back into his chest.
“I was about to send a rescue team. Thought you got lost in this fancy house,” I said quietly.
He turned his face to nuzzle into my hair and kiss my cheek, “I was just lookin’ for somethin’,”
His fingers played with mine in the warmth of the sweater, lacing and unlacing our fingers before I felt something cool slide onto one of my left fingers as he kissed my cheek, whispering that he loved me. With a furrowed brow I pulled my hand from the safety of the pocket only to see a thin silver band glimmering on my ring finger. A little iridescent pink pearl was nestled securely in the metal with a tiny diamond on either side. I leaned to the side slightly and turned my head to look at him, a shy smirk laid on his lips before I looked back to my hand.
“Wha…” I looked at him again.
“What do ya say, baby doll?” he whispered, the words were almost carried away in the ocean breeze.
I only blinked in momentary confusion as I looked from him to the ring and back. Instead of an answer, I touched his cheek, staring at him in awe for a moment, before pressing my lips to his in a slow kiss. We separated in time to watch the last of the sunrise while he held me a little tighter and hummed happily in my ear, swaying to an imaginary beat. Happy tears balanced on my eyelashes, reflecting the last bits of sunlight into starburst in my vision. I turned my head again, resting my forehead against his and staring into his eyes as the last ray of light disappeared on the horizon, only leaving a glow in the sky. It was a moment more beautiful and perfect than any sunset could ever hope to be.