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*
It kills Louis to admit it, but the idea on how to cheer Liam up is actually Harry’s.
“It’s getting bad, Lou,” Harry says, voice pitched just loud enough to be heard over the music in the pub. It’s a rare night off and they’re sat at a table in the corner of the pub together, empty pint glasses and bowls of crisps littered across the small table. Niall and Zayn are having a game of darts at the other side of the room, so it’s just Louis and Harry together and they’re talking about the same thing they’ve been talking about the past few days.
Liam.
Louis nods and rubs a hand over his face. “I know,” he says and sighs. “We have to do something. I asked him to come out tonight but he said no; said he was going to call his mum and sister and he just looked so sad, you know? I couldn’t argue with him and make him come out.”
“No, I know,” Harry agrees. He sips on his pint and flicks the fringe back from his eyes. Louis can tell Harry’s working something out in his head - he’s got the squinty-eyed, faraway look going that Louis usually makes fun of - but tonight he’s going to give Harry a chance to figure it out because they need to do something about Liam. He can’t keep going on like this.
“I think the problem is you can’t give Liam a choice, yeah?” Harry says. Louis chews on his bottom lip and spins his glass around in a circle on the table. Harry might actually have a point. It makes Louis’ brain hurt to think that but there it is.
Harry continues with, “Like, if you say, hey, Liam, you want to go out? he’s going to automatically say no. He’s never going to say yes. Instead you need to be like, Liam, mate, pull up your trousers, we’re going out. Go take him, I don’t know, rock climbing or extreme pogo stick jumping or whatever other kind of sporty rubbish you two get up to when you go out.” Harry’s chest is puffed up and he’s pointing at Louis and Louis bursts out laughing, because, really?
“If I were ever to walk into a room and have to tell Liam of all people to pull his trousers up I’ll eat my own shoe,” Louis says, and rolls his eyes. “We’re not talking about you, Haz, Jesus.” Harry sips his pint and pulls his phone out to start texting, but Louis is thinking now. Harry’s methods might have been a little suspect, but the idea is actually not bad. “Ugh, this is awful,” Louis moans and flops back into his seat, rolling his head around and groaning dramatically.
“What is?”
“You actually having a good idea,” Louis answers, and he can hear Harry laughing. “It’s ruining my entire fucking night. I don’t think I can live in a world where Harry Styles has better ideas than I do.”
“Admit it,” Harry chirps. Louis hazards a glance up and is immediately sorry when he does it. Harry is full on beaming, his grin toothy and stupid. “I’m brilliant.”
“I’ll never admit that,” Louis says seriously. “You’re a knob.”
“A brilliant knob with excellent ideas,” Harry corrects. Louis sits up and starts throwing the entire contents of their table at Harry, one item at a time: straws, napkins, crisps, Harry’s keys. “Ah! Stop! You’re getting crap all over me!”
“Serves you right,” Louis says and laughs as he grabs his jumper off the back of his chair and pulls it on over his head. “All right, I’m going. I’ll ring you tomorrow,” he says, and Harry sits up quickly, his face falling.
“Wait, you’re going now?” he whines.
“Yep.” Louis pats Harry’s cheek while Harry pouts. “I have to, young Harold. The element of surprise is on my side; he’ll never see it coming.”
“But I thought we were hanging out!” Harry complains.
“We were,” Louis says brightly. “And now we’re not. Go hang out with Niall and Zayn, they’re still here.”
“Ugh, fine.” Harry shoves his chair back and rolls his eyes. “Playing stupid darts; I hate darts. Niall always cheats.”
Louis feels his eyebrows crinkle. “How do you cheat at darts?”
Harry shakes his head. “Fucking Irish,” he mutters murderously, and Louis claps him on the back and waves to Niall and Zayn as he makes his way out of the pub.
*
Liam doesn’t answer the door when Louis knocks, which he was expecting.
“Liam,” Louis calls, resting his forehead against Liam’s door. “Open up, mate.” Louis counts to five in his head. “I’m serious, Li, I can stand here all night.” He thinks he hears a rustling at that like Liam is maybe moving around inside his flat but it’s too quiet to know for sure. “I’m sorry if you’re thinking I’m going to give up and leave you alone like one of the other lads would do, but I’m really not so you might as well just let me in.” He hears footsteps now, just a few and then they stop.
“Did I ever tell you about the time I sang Pop Goes The Weasel to Lottie for nine hours straight when she was small? Because I did. Ahh, what a night. That was a long nine hours, mate. Did I ever tell you why I did it?” Louis leans his shoulder against the wall and makes himself comfortable just in case this turns out to take longer than he expected. “Well, you see, it all started when—“
“Bloody hell,” Liam mutters as the door yanks open and Louis nearly falls face first into Liam’s flat. “Not the pop goes the weasel story again.”
Louis gives Liam his toothiest grin and shoulders past him, putting his bag down on Liam’s side table and yanking his jumper off over his head. “Hello, Liam,” Louis chirps. “Fancy seeing you here.”
Liam sighs dramatically. “Hello, Louis.”
Louis takes a look around the flat and it’s not as bad as he was expecting. It’s a little messy but Liam’s mess is Louis on one of his neater days so it’s not too terrible. It’s only sad if you knew what the flat looked like before, because Louis can recognize the empty spaces where pictures used to hang and the spot under the coffee table that used to be the home for all of Liam and Dani’s photo albums. He can tell that the scent of Danielle’s candles are gone along with her perfume and hairspray, and everything is just so quiet. It’s stifling, almost. Louis has no idea how Liam has been living here.
It’s a lot like Liam himself. Louis thinks that for people that don’t really know him he looks fine. He’s healthy and fit and he smiles when he needs to, but Louis can see past all that. He notices the lines around Liam’s eyes and the faint smudges under his lashes. He can tell how often Liam is forcing his smiles, how few of them he really means lately and it makes Louis want to do whatever it takes to make Liam smile again for real. Louis is actually not going to stop until that happens.
“So here’s what’s happening,” Louis says. He crosses the room and curls his fingers around Liam’s wrist and drags him over to the couch. Liam’s jogging pants are hanging low and his shirt is rumpled and dirty around the cuffs and he’s somehow managing to look at everything in the room except for Louis. Louis cups Liam’s jaw and turns his head gently until he forced to meet Louis’ eye. “Tonight we’re staying in, all right? I brought a film and some food and we’re going to just hang out, you and me. Then tomorrow we’re going to do something.”
“Louis,” Liam starts. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“Well then I guess it’s a good thing I’m not asking for your opinion,” Louis says firmly. He shoves Liam down onto the couch and Liam goes but only because he wasn’t expecting it, Louis thinks. The element of surprise strikes again.
“You can’t just shove me around,” Liam mutters. Louis looks at him and rolls his eyes.
“Actually, I think I just did.”
He fiddles with Liam’s DVD player and ejects —Christ, The Notebook?— and slides his own film in, grabbing the bag of crisps and six pack of lager he picked up and heads over to the couch. Liam looks like he’s going to protest again so Louis sits at Liam’s side with his legs thrown across Liam’s lap to hold him down if he tries to get away. Louis is not above using physical force if necessary.
Louis opens the bag of crisps and shoves a handful in his mouth before passing the bag to Liam. Liam is still frowning at him like he has no idea what Louis is doing there, and Louis smirks a little to himself. Liam will find out soon enough.
“Are we watching Toy Story?” Liam asks hopefully.
Louis rolls his eyes. “Noooo,” he says slowly. “You’ve already seen that loads of times, and anyway, I don’t think it’s a good message for you right now.”
Liam’s eyebrows wrinkle and Louis thinks for the thousandth time how much different he looks with his hair gone. He feels like he can see every thought and emotion flick across Liam’s face like this and it hits Louis hard in the chest how much he wishes that he couldn’t read Liam so well. Sometimes Louis wishes that he didn’t know every time Liam was sad or hurting because it makes him ache when he can’t help Liam, when he can’t fix it.
“How is Toy Story a bad message?” Liam asks.
“Buzz and Woody are far too co-dependent on each other,” Louis says flatly. “They need to—to spread their wings! To learn how to be their own men without always having the other one right by their side. It’s not healthy.”
Louis looks up and finds Liam staring at him like he’s grown a second head or started speaking in tongues. “That’s not what Buzz and Woody are about at all,” Liam defends. “Have you even been watching the films with me all these years?”
“Hmpf,” Louis says and shrugs. “Anyway, I got Brave.”
“The princess movie?” Liam says incredulously.
Louis kicks him in the thigh. “It’s not a princess movie, and even if it was don’t say it like that, Harry’d have your balls about gender equality and whatever else he’s always going on about.” He waits until Liam is looking at him again, and notices Liam’s actually smiling a little, just the corners of his mouth tipping up but it’s a real one so Louis is going to count it as a win. “Anyway, it’s about a girl who just—does her own thing. She’s all, yeah, I’ll fight a bear, I’ll shoot a bow and arrow, I’ll make a pie, but I’m going to do it all by myself because I don’t need anyone other than me because I’m the best and I don’t need anyone else, so ha.”
Liam just stares at him, and blinks, and then bursts out laughing. He laughs so hard he doubles over on the couch, clutching his sides and rocking back and forth until tears are leaking from his eyes. “What!” Louis yells.
“Have you even seen the film?” Liam gasps out between laughs.
Louis rolls his eyes. “Well no, obviously, that’s why I brought it here. Now come on, hit play,” he says and tosses the remote at Liam’s lap. Liam wipes his eyes and presses play and Liam thinks that no matter what, he’s already gotten Liam to laugh tonight.
Louis thinks it’s a good place to start.
*
Louis wakes up in the morning with a crick in his neck from sleeping on Liam’s couch and the pattern of Liam’s nans quilt pressed into his cheek. He hears Liam shuffling around in the kitchen and he yawns and stretches his arms over his head grinning at Liam as he comes into the living room holding two steaming mugs of tea.
“Liam Payne, you’re a true saint,” Louis says sleepily. He rubs his eyes and takes the cup from Liam, blowing across the top before taking a small sip.
Liam looks—better today. His smile is still a little tight and the skin around his eyes pinched and tired, but he’s kind of almost smiling, and doesn’t look like he’s going to try and go lie down in traffic anytime soon which is better than the past few days. Louis puts his tea on the coffee table and reaches into his rucksack on the floor to pull out a notepad and biro.
“All right,” Louis says sternly. “So. We need a list.”
Liam watches him warily. “What kind of list?”
“A list of fun things,” Louis tells him. He grins brightly ignoring the way Liam is trying to shrink back into the couch and disappear. Liam brought this on himself, Louis thinks firmly. He’s not going to let him hide away anymore. “You and I are going to make a list of fun things to do, and then we’re going to go do them.”
Liam is quiet for a second and then he bursts out laughing. Louis would be happy if he thought Liam was laughing with him and not at him like he suspects.
“We’re just going to— go do fun things,” Liam says disbelievingly, and really, Louis doesn’t know what’s so funny. It’s a good plan—a great plan, if he’s being honest. Liam just doesn’t see the beauty in it. It’s a pity that it takes people so long to understand Louis’ genius sometimes.
“Yes. Right. So, ok, you go first,” Louis tells him, biro poised over the paper. “If you could do anything you wanted in the world right now what would it be? Like, what’s your most favorite thing to do?”
Liam moans softly. “Are we really doing this?”
“Yes,” Louis snaps, “Now come on. Favorite thing.”
Liam is quiet for long enough that Louis is convinced he’s not going to answer him again, and he’s just about ready to climb over and pinch Liam’s nipples until he says something when Liam says, “Performing,” and Louis rolls his eyes.
“Well, all right. It’s a step in the right direction, at least, but unfortunately for you this is our one and only break for the next five years probably and there are no shows booked for a clear month.” Liam deflates a little and Louis reaches over and rubs his hand on Liam’s knee. When Liam doesn’t push him away Louis shuffles closer on the couch until their sides are touching and their feet tangle together on the floor. “After performing,” Louis says, “What’s next?”
“I don’t know, I guess I did like when we went surfing those few times,” Liam answers, and aha! Surfing!
“Brilliant!” Louis exclaims, and writes SURFING on the page. “So good, first we’ll go surfing. Fantastic. And I liked when we went bike riding that time in London so I’ll put that down as my pick. And oh! How about bowling? That’s always fun.”
Liam is shaking his head and rolling his eyes a little. “Louis, we can’t just pick up and go surfing,” he says, and Louis cocks his head to the side, genuinely confused.
“Why not?”
Liam stares at him like Louis has a head injury. “Uhm. Because we’re in London? And there’s nowhere to surf?” Liam explains patiently.
Louis flaps his hand around. “Semantics, Liam. There’s no surfing here, sure, but we can go somewhere where there’s surfing.”
And it’s funny, the way Liam is watching him. Like he thinks Louis has gone mad but also like he’s kind of considering it, and that’s all Louis needs. He just needs an in – for Liam to agree to just the very first thing – and after that it will be smooth sailing. Once Liam gets out and goes and they do something it’ll be easier to convince him to keep going, to keep doing things. All Louis needs is one little yes.
“Do you really think—“ Liam stops and puts his teacup down to fiddle with the bottom edge of his t-shirt. He’s biting is lower lip and watching his hands, but when he lifts his head he looks almost hopeful. Louis wants nothing more than to make him look like that all the time. “Can we do that?” He finally says. “Can we just go somewhere and go surfing? For no reason at all?”
Louis turns so he’s sitting sideways on the couch and reaches over to take Liam’s hand between both of his. “Liam,” he says seriously. “I’m going to explain something to you now and I want you to really listen to me, all right?”
Liam nods. “All right.”
Louis looks from side to side in the otherwise empty flat and leans in to whisper, “Liam, we’re kind of famous. And rich. And can do things like fly to places to go surfing on holiday just because we feel like it!”
Liam laughs but he curls his fingers into Louis’ palm and doesn’t try and pull away. “Shut up,” he says quietly.
“No, really! I’m serious!” Louis is grinning now and when Liam actually smiles back it feels like victory. “We’ve got kind of a lot of money! We can do things like, oh, I don’t know, go away on holiday! And buy ourselves nice things when we feel like it! Liam, I purchased an entire football team, surely you can hire movers the next time you buy a flat and not pay Ruth and Tom with pizza to do it for you.”
“Oh, piss off!” Liam says, and shoves Louis so hard he nearly falls to the floor. Louis could right himself if he wanted but he thinks it would be funnier to grab onto Liam’s shirt and pull him down with him, so that’s what he does, until the two of them are nothing but a pile of arms and legs and they’re rolling around laughing. “Ruth enjoys helping me move,” Liam crows, “She does!”
“She doesn’t, Liam, she’s lying to you!” Louis is giggling harder and trying to dig his fingers into Liam’s ribs to get him to do that same. “No one likes helping someone move and certainly not for nothing but a box of soggy pizza. What kind of rubbish millionaire are you?”
Liam never answers because he’s too busy trying to stick his fingers in Louis’ ears and cover Louis’ mouth with his hand, but Louis is fine with that. It’s at least a step in the right direction.
*
It’s almost frighteningly easy to book them on a holiday to Australia on such short notice. Louis calls their management company while Liam’s in the shower and by the time Liam is done and dressed and rubbing his head with a towel, Louis hands him the boarding pass he printed from Liam’s computer five minutes before.
“Make sure to bring sun cream,” Louis says, and goes around the flat tossing half opened bags of crisps in the bin and pouring the little bit of milk Liam has left down the drain so it doesn’t spoil while they’re gone. “And some fun clothes to wear when we go out at night.”
Liam stands in the middle of the kitchen and looks poleaxed. “This is insane,” he says quietly.
“I’m sorry,” Louis tells him. “I think you said insane when you really meant brilliant.” He passes Liam and pats his face before pressing up to smack a wet kiss on his cheek. “Now are you packed?”
“I am, yes,” Liam says and nods. Louis is glad for that. He’s got a small rucksack of clothes he brought with him because he’d been hoping the night before they would be heading out on some kind of trip like this. “Do you think I have time to call my mum?” Liam asks just as Louis’s phone buzzes letting him know the car is there to bring them to the airport.
“You can call her from the plane,” Louis says as he grabs their bags. He has to call his mum too as well as Harry and the rest of the lads to let them know where he and Liam have gone off to, but the most important thing right now is getting Liam out of the flat. He needs to be in a car with his bags and off on holiday and then Louis can work on making him smile a little more every day until he’s back to his normal self. “Come on,” Louis says quietly. He takes Liam’s hand and pulls him toward the door. “Let’s go have some fun, yeah?”
Liam huffs out a breath but he manages to force a smile onto his face and nods when Louis drags him out the front door. “Yeah,” Liam says. “Let’s go.”
*
Surfing is sick. Louis figured it would be but he’d almost forgotten how amazing it always is and how much he loves doing it. The sound of the ocean, the rush of the waves picking you up and coasting you along the water – it’s like nothing else he’s done in his life and every time he manages to get out on the ocean he loves it a little more.
The fact that he’s there with Liam only makes it better.
“God, you were so right,” Liam says happily as he sips on a bottle of water. They’re laid out on the sand the sun warming their skin and the air salty and warm. “This is amazing.”
“It is, yeah?” Louis says. He waits for Liam’s nod to grin and waggle his eyebrows. “You can thank me at any time, mate. I’ll accept foot rubs and sweets on my pillow at night time.”
Liam tosses a handful of sand at Louis’ lap.
“I’m serious!” Louis exclaims. “If it were up to you we’d still be sat on your couch watching Friends repeats or The Notebook again or some such crap. I’m a doer, Liam. I know how to get things done.”
“You’re a horrendous nag and a huge pain in my arse,” Liam corrects primly. He tips his head back and squints up at the sun. Louis watches him quietly for a moment. Liam finally looks relaxed and at ease and even kind of happy. Louis couldn’t be more pleased. “But thank you,” Liam finally says, and Louis doesn’t say anything, just looks out to the ocean watching the waves crash against each other as they lap against the shore.
*
The problem is that everything was so great during surfing and immediately after that Louis let his guard down.
After the beach they went back to their rooms to shower and change and then and got some seafood for dinner at a small outdoor café. They ate steaming lobsters and sweet crab legs and split an ice cold bottle of chardonnay, and when that was done they found a nice little club all lit up and went in for a night cap. The music was loud and the bar was crowded and Louis got he and Liam drinks and then wandered out onto the dance floor and started shaking his hips along with the music.
He’s not sure how much time has passed when he feels his phone buzz with a text message against his hip, but Louis ignores it. He’s fine and he’s got Liam here with him and anyone else can piss off for a few days; Louis is trying to have some fun.
His phone keeps going though; buzz after buzz after buzz. It happens enough that he finally throws his hands in the air and stumbles off the floor and over to a semi-quiet corner where he digs it out of his pocket and is assaulted by about fifteen text messages from Harry.
lou, where are you guys???
whats wrong with liam?
Louis
LOUIS
LOUIS CHECK YOUR PHONE
LOU WHERE IS LIAM??GO FIND HIM GET HIM OFF TWITRTER
Hes being all sad. like liam saaddddddddddd : (
LOOOOOOOOOOOOU
And, oh. Well, fuck.
*
Louis finds Liam easily enough, seeing as how he’s the only bloke sitting at the bar and texting on his mobile in the middle of a club. He sneaks up behind Liam and snatches the phone from his fingers before he even realizes what’s happening, Liam barely managing to shout, “Hey!” over his shoulder as Louis scans Liam’s Twitter screen.
its terrrible being surrounded bye peopple and being soooo alonnnnne
I wish I cud talkkk 2 some1
why duz true loveeeee hav to enddddddd
“Oh my god,” Louis mutters. He sets his fingers flying over the screen, Haha! Jokes on U twitter! It’s the Tommo here! Have fun cheers!! and resolves to separate Liam from his mobile. Liam flails around a little trying to grab the mobile from Louis’ hands but Louis shoves it into his back pocket and glares at Liam until he has the decency to stop grabbing for it and starts looking at Louis guiltily. Louis forces himself to look away. There are many things in this world Louis can be strong against, but Liam’s puppy dog eyes have never been one of them.
Louis huffs. “I thought we were having fun,” he says disappointedly. “I’ve told all the lads what a great time we’ve been having and now Harry’s texting me all worried about your crazy Twitter posts.”
Liam grimaces. “Harry saw my tweets?”
“Six million people saw your tweets, Liam! What is it that you’re not understanding about this?!” Louis throws his hands in the air. The bartender is looking at them a little strangely so Louis tosses some notes on the bar and drags Liam outside so they can get some fresh air and a little bit of privacy.
Liam is quiet and Louis can’t take it anymore. “Are you not having fun?” he asks accusingly. “Because it seemed like you were having fun but then I turned around and when I got back I found you moping to six million strangers over the internet, so maybe I was wrong.”
“I have been having fun,” Liam insists. Louis narrows his eyes. It won’t do if Liam insists on lying to him every chance he gets. If he’s still not happy, or Louis is doing something wrong Louis needs to know about it.
“Really,” Louis says sternly.
Liam blinks and nods. “I swear.”
Louis gives it another minute and then takes Liam’s hand and wanders off to get them a taxi. Things could be worse, he thinks to himself. At least Liam didn’t call Danielle or anything while he wasn’t looking because if he had then Louis would truly feel like a shit friend.
As if thinking is brings it on, all of a sudden Liam’s phone buzzes in Louis’ back pocket.
Liam looks stricken. “Erm, maybe I should check that,” he says hastily, and starts lurching around trying to grab at Louis’ bum. Louis grabs the mobile and holds it over his head until Liam gives up and when he turns it on and sees a message from Danielle saying: Liam are you all right? he frowns so hard he nearly gives himself a headache. A few taps and he’s in Liam’s text log and he can see that as he was apparently telling all the world over Twitter how lonely he was he was also making sad faces at Danielle over texts.
hi dani how areu??
I miss u : (
Don’t you missssss me???
“Oh, Liam,” Louis says quietly. He pulls Liam in close and rubs his knuckles over the top of Liam’s head. “What am I going to do with you?”
Liam’s quiet for a minute. “I’m really not sure,” he finally says, and Louis sighs because he’s not sure either.
*
After the Twitter Incident as Louis likes to call it in his head, he makes sure to keep a better eye on Liam anywhere they go. They head back to London and meet up with the rest of the lads for dinner and then the two of them go bike riding around on Barclays bikes for the day and things seem back to normal, almost. Louis stays at Liam’s to make sure Liam doesn’t need anything, and they set up a bowling day and a hiking day and a day shopping in town for just the two of them.
Things are going swimmingly.
The problem is that while Liam seems better and not sad, he still doesn’t seem happy. There’s a difference, Louis knows, between Liam being fine and Liam being actually happy and Louis doesn’t know what to do to bridge that gap. He can’t quite figure out what it is that needs to happen to take Liam from ok to great.
“He needs a shag,” Harry says dryly as they’re sat at the same table in the pub they were the last time Harry had his brilliant idea. Louis was okay with it that time but this time he’s not so sure.
“You think the answer to everything is that people need a shag,” Louis tells him. Harry shrugs.
“That may be but in Liam’s case it’s also the truth.”
Louis sighs. If there is anyone in the world less likely to have casual rebound sex than Liam Louis can’t think of who it might be. The very idea is preposterous, and yet—
“I’d have to get him completely pissed first,” Louis muses, because if there’s even the slightest chance of this working (which Louis still doubts but he’s willing to give anything a try at this point) there’s no way in the world it will work with Liam being all sober and sad.
Louis looks around the pub until he finds Liam sat at the bar with Zayn, their heads tilted close together. Louis watches them until Zayn glances up and catches his eye and then mimes slitting his own throat and shooting himself in the face before leaning back to rub his hand over Liam’s head again. If Zayn’s losing his patience then Louis knows they’re running out of time.
Harry grins and hunches over the table and gives him a thumbs up. “I’m with you. We stuff him full of drinks and then find someone cute and tiny and blonde and not Danielle like at all and we shove them together and make them go shag someplace.”
Louis stares at Harry and blinks. Harry is nodding his head and grinning as if he’s just outlined the most intricate and brilliant plan in history. “It’s amazing to me that you pull anyone at all, Harry. Ever,” Louis says flatly.
“What!” Harry bangs his fist on the table so hard their pint glasses slosh lager over the sides. “My plans are great! You even said so the last time.”
“Because the last time it was a great plan,” Louis answers. He stands up and grabs his drink to head over to the bar and rescue Zayn. “This time, not so much.”
Louis leaves Harry spluttering at the table and wanders up behind Zayn and Liam, reaching around to put his glass on the bartop. Louis’s still not sure about this – something doesn’t sit right with him trying to find some unsuspecting girl for Liam to drunkenly shag – but he figures they can take it slow. The first step is getting Liam to lighten up a bit and the best way Louis can figure on doing that right now is getting a few more drinks in him. That way if he finds someone he wants to talk to that’s great, but if not he’ll at least be a little tipsy and Louis can get him home and let him sleep it off and make him eggs and toast in the morning and everything will still be fine.
Liam looks back over his shoulder and grins when he finds Louis standing there.
“Lou!” He says happily.
“Yay, Louis is here,” Zayn says dryly and Louis would accuse him of being sarcastic but he’s sliding off his stool and practically running off so quickly Louis doesn’t even have a chance. Tosser. “I’m going to meet up with the rest of the lads and play some billiards,” he calls over his shoulder and Louis rolls his eyes and sits down. He pulls the chair close enough to Liam so their thighs press together and when the bartender passes by he orders them both new drinks and a round of shots.
Liam looks at him worriedly. “Lou, I’m not really sure if—“
Louis covers Liam’s mouth with his hand. “Trust me, Liam,” he says, and feels a little better when Liam’s eyebrows go from worried to mischievous and he feels Liam lick and bite at the palm of his hand. “We’re going to have a few drinks and have some fun and see what happens, all right? Just—just stop thinking so much.”
He waits until he’s fairly sure Liam’s not going to give him a hard time about it, and then pulls his hand back just in time for the bartender to drop off their drinks. Louis raises an eyebrow and picks up his glass, nodding at Liam to do the same. “You ready for this, Payne?” Louis asks.
Liam’s eyes narrow, because drinking or not there’s nothing Liam likes better than a challenge. “I am,” he tells Louis seriously as they clink their glasses together and drink.
*
The night just gets better from there.
The music is amazing and every time Louis turns around there are more and more people surrounding them. Harry and Zayn and Niall come back over for a while, and Liam is smiling at them and laughing and there are just more drinks and lagers and shots then Louis can keep track of. He thinks there’s maybe a band set up in the opposite corner of the room and before he thinks about it too much he grabs Liam’s hand and pulls them both tipsy and stumbling off the barstools and into the middle of the crowd.
Louis’ got no idea where the rest of the lads went but he’s fine with that because he has Liam – smiling, happy, having fun Liam – and that’s all Louis needs. Liam’s cheeks are flushed pink and he’s unbuttoned the top few buttons of his red plaid shirt. His neck is shiny with a sheen of sweat and he’s laughing as he shakes his hips and bumps into everyone around him. Louis curls an arm around Liam’s waist and drags him closer until their thighs press together and their chests brush every time they move.
Liam is happy right now. Thorough the haze of music and heat and booze that’s all Louis can focus on. He wanted to get Liam out and get him happy and he did it. He’s so proud of himself he could probably burst.
“You all right?” Liam asks. He’s beaming - a wide grin stretched across his face - and Louis presses up on his toes to speak into Liam’s ear.
“I’m great,” he says loud enough to pitch over the music. “Are you all right?”
“Perfect,” Liam says instantly. Louis pulls away to look into Liam’s eyes and he can see Liam’s telling the truth. For this moment, right now, Liam is happy and things are fantastic and Louis feels bloody amazing. Like his body isn’t big enough to contain the joy he has right now in this particular moment, and before he realizes what he’s doing he’s got his hands on Liam’s warm cheeks and he’s pulling his head down and kissing his mouth.
And that—
That wasn’t exactly what Louis was planning on.
He leans back when he realizes what he’s done and is fully expecting Liam to look disappointed or cross or shove him away. Louis won’t even blame him. He has no way to explain what just happened, why he let himself lean over and kiss Liam like that, and he’s taking a deep breath and looking up to tell Liam just how sorry he is when Liam bites his lip and slides his fingers into Louis’ hair and Louis doesn’t even have a second to think: What is he doing? before Liam slants his mouth over Louis’ and kisses him again, only this time it’s soft and slow and with intent.
Liam’s mouth is dry and his lips are chapped when he kisses Louis, a little puff of air ghosting over Louis’ lips. All too soon Liam is pulling away and Louis gets it because they don’t do this – they can’t do this – especially not here, not like this.
“Can you—“ Liam says and stops. He looks like he’s breathing heavy and Louis can’t blame him. He feels like he’s close to having a heart attack himself. “You’re coming back to mine tonight, yeah?”
Louis blinks because this— this changes things, he’s sure of it. It’s not as if he’s never thought about Liam like that because he has, of course he has. Louis has never cared much about someone’s gender; if they’re fit and funny and they both get on it never mattered to him if it was a bird or a bloke he was chatting up. Louis has always noticed Liam in the way that you notice someone that you know you can never have but you still manage to appreciate anyway. Liam has always been one of Louis’ best mates but he’s never really let himself wonder what if; there was never a reason to until tonight.
Louis licks his lips and when he looks up Liam looks hesitant and nervous and unsure, but more than that he looks hopeful, like he wants Louis to say yes, and really, when it comes down to it Louis will always give Liam whatever he wants. He’ll never tell Liam no.
“Yeah,” Louis says and Liam smiles. “Let’s go.”
Liam reaches behind him and pulls Louis through the crowd, their fingers tangled together, and Louis manages to duck around everyone until they’re almost at the door and Harry slides in front of them, casual as anything but effectively blocking them from the exit.
“Lads,” he says, quiet and calm-sounding as usual, but the death-grip he’s got on Louis’ arm tells a different story. “Fancy a game of darts? Me and the others are playing darts; you should come play with us. Instead of, you know, whatever else you were thinking of doing.”
“Another time, perhaps,” Louis says, wiggling his arm away.
“I really think that right now would be an excellent time to play darts and not go home or anything,” Harry says, raising his eyebrows meaningfully at Louis.
Louis ignores him and rolls his eyes as Liam says, “We’ll ring you tomorrow, Harry,” and tugs Liam around him and out the door.
Louis has to look away from Harry’s face as he pushes by, because he can read Harry’s face like a book by now, and that book is clearly saying: WHAT ARE YOU DOING. DANGER. TURN AROUND. GO BACK. and Louis is just—not going to do that.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Haz,” Louis says quietly as he slides past him.
“When I said Liam needed a shag this isn’t what I meant, you know,” Harry says. “This could be so bad, Lou. Do you realize how bad this could be? You can’t just—“
“Goodnight, Harry!” Louis says over him. He can see Harry shake his head at them as they walk out the door.
The cool air and quiet is shocking after the heat and noise in the club. It gives Louis a minute to think, though, and he can see Liam doing the same, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he looks off to the side.
“Hey,” Louis says quietly. He curls his fingers over Liam’s hip. Liam looks back at him and his eyes clear a little. “If you think it would be better if we didn’t—“
“I want to,” Liam says interrupting. He looks hesitant again and Louis will do anything to keep him from looking at him like that. He wants Liam to look like he wants him again, like he did inside the club. He wants Liam to want Louis as much as Louis wants him.
“Ok,” Louis says. He tucks his fingers in Liam’s beltloops and tugs him toward the taxis. “Then let’s go.”
*
Liam’s bedroom is dark and his bed is neatly made when he and Liam fall onto it still wearing all their clothes and trainers. They laugh quietly against each other’s mouths as they fumble around and kiss, and Louis thinks it’s strange how normal it all feels. He’s never been with Liam like this before but everything about Liam is familiar; the way he sounds and smells and tastes. It’s like everything he’s already known about Liam has somehow morphed into this, into more, and Louis can’t believe that it’s taken them this long. Now that he knows it’s an option for them he doesn’t want to stop until he knows everything about Liam; until he’s done or seen or heard every single thing that Liam wants.
Louis licks into Liam’s mouth and groans when Liam fists his fingers in Louis’ hair and pulls. He rocks his hips, his dick already hard and aching and goes hot and cold all at once when he realizes Liam is hard too; the thought that Liam might want this as much as Louis does nearly sends him over the edge.
“Is this ok?” Louis asks, slowly popping the button of Liam’s jeans open. The muscles under his fingers quiver and tense and Louis softly teases the skin of Liam’s belly, biting back a groan when Liam sets his teeth in Louis bottom lip in answer.
Louis slides his hand into Liam’s pants and it’s like the action springs Liam into motion, his hands flying over Louis’ shoulders and down his sides and under the hem of his shirt. Before Louis realizes what’s happening Liam’s got Louis’ trousers and pants shoved down his thighs and they’re pressed close and touching, their dicks hot and bumping against each other and Louis forces his eyes open to look down at the two of them, at Liam’s huge hand wrapping around them both and tugging and it’s the hottest thing Louis has ever seen because it’s him and Liam.
“We’re going to have to do this again,” Liam chokes out. All Louis can do is grunt and nod because yes, sure, every day and twice on Sundays. Louis is good with that. He’ll sign up for that right now. He covers Liam’s hand with his and squeezes and he’s so turned on he can barely breathe. He wants to come but wants to hold off, wants to make this last. Every time he closes his eyes all he sees are bright flashes of color behind his eyes, or the blinding white of Liam’s smile.
“We can do this all the time,” Louis says. “Whenever you want, I promise,” he whispers and Liam laughs breathlessly, shivering under him when Louis leans in to bite at Liam’s jaw. Liam writhes and moans under him and Louis tightens his fist, strokes them together faster and then everything is slick and wet, Liam gasping and biting into Louis’ shoulder when he comes.
It’s the most amazing thing Louis has ever seen; the way Liam’s face pinks up, how tightly his head is pressed against Louis’s shoulder, the breathless little moans and gasps he makes as he shudders through his orgasm. It doesn’t even feel strange to Louis anymore that this is the first time they’ve done this or that it maybe wasn’t anything they’d ever thought about doing between the two of them. He’s known Liam for so long that this is just one more thing to know about him, how he feels against Louis’ skin and what he looks like when he comes apart under Louis’ hand.
Liam pushes at Louis’ shoulder and shoves him back into the pillows and then he’s leaning over and kissing Louis’ neck, across his collarbone his hand still pumping Louis slowly, fingers going tight around the head.
“I want to make you come,” Liam whispers and Louis’ vision goes grey around the edges. He whimpers a little and Liam speeds his hand up and Louis isn’t going to last, not with Liam’s mouth on his throat and his hand pulling him rough and hard. “I want to do everything to you,” Liam says, and that’s all it takes for Louis to lose control, his orgasm hitting him hard and leaving him gasping and breathless. Just the thought – the very idea of the things he and Liam can do now, kissing and touching and fingering and fucking – Louis can’t wait. This is maybe the best idea he’s ever had.
“Well now,” Louis says, gasping for breath as he pushes Liam over to roll onto his back. They both lie panting up at the ceiling, and Louis is waiting for it to feel weird or awkward or strange but when Liam kisses Louis’ shoulder and hands him a bunch of tissues to clean up with all it feels is comfortable and right. Louis is pretty sure he’s going to have to think about what that means sometime soon, but for now he’s happy to let it just be. “Looks like we’ve got a few new things we can add to the list, yeah?” Louis says cheekily, and Liam laughs and hits him in the face with a pillow and except for the nakedness and orgasms everything seems just as it’s always been.
*
Things are a little different after that, but not by much, and that’s the part that Louis is the most happy about.
He and Liam go early on Saturday and get tiny tattoos to match the ones Harry and Zayn already have, then spend the rest of the car ride home tormenting Niall with texts about how he’s got to be next to complete the matching tattoos for the band. They stumble into Liam’s flat giddy and breathless knowing that they’ve done something foolish and stupid and then spend the rest of the afternoon kissing each other lazily on the couch, Louis curling his hand around Liam’s ankle when he rests it in his lap, his thumb pressing lightly over newly inked skin.
They go the next day and have a paintball tournament, then spend the rest of the night scrubbing paint off each other’s skin in the shower before falling into Liam’s bed naked and wet. Louis licks across Liam’s collarbones, bites down his chest and takes Liam’s dick in his mouth as Liam’s voice breaks around Louis’ name, his fingers carded tight in Louis’ hair.
They go dirt bike riding a few days later and when they get home Liam returns the favor, sucking Louis off with more enthusiasm than technique but it’s the best blow job Louis’s ever had. Technique can piss off if the other option is having Liam looking up at him through his long lashes, his mouth stretched obscenely around Louis’ dick, Louis thinks, and they stay home instead of going out with the rest of the lads that night because they’re tired and happy and both just want to order takeaway and watch a terrible film on the telly.
Through it all, though, Louis is just happy because Liam is finally smiling. He’s truly happy - not just the fake happy he pretends to be for the rest of the world but genuinely happy - and they’re actually having fun together which is so much better than where Liam had been a few weeks before Louis can’t even think about it too much without feeling unbearably proud of himself.
Which is why, when Harry corners Louis at the pub a few nights after, Louis frowns and tries to duck around him because he already knows what Harry’s going to say.
“So,” Harry says his tone overly serious and dramatic. He lays his hand on Louis’ arm and squeezes gently; his eyes are as wide and green as a Disney princess’. “How did he take it?”
Louis blinks because he was waiting for Harry to lecture him about still shagging Liam, maybe give him a bit of a tongue lashing over it. But this— “Erm.”
“Liam, I mean,” Harry clarifies. He glances over until he finds Liam sat at the bar talking to Zayn and Niall, a bright smile on his face, his eyes crinkled in laughter like they haven’t been in so, so long. Liam turns his head and sees Louis watching him, and right there in front of everyone his smile turns soft and sweet. Louis’ chest goes tight as his heart thumps hard in his chest and Harry shakes his head sadly. “The poor lad, I hope you let him down gently at least.”
Louis is so confused. “Let him down gently about what?” he asks and Harry tilts his head in confusion, hair swirling around his rumpled brow.
“When you stopped shagging him? I mean, was he all right when you told him you guys couldn’t do that anymore? I’d hate to think of Liam getting upset again because his rebound stopped shagging him, but— oh. Oh,” Harry breathes in surprise. Something on Louis’ face must have given him away. “Louis,” Harry says seriously, “You have stopped shagging Liam, right?”
Louis laughs weakly. “Well, the funny part about that, Haz—“
“But—“ Harry interrupts, looking fairly distressed. “But it was a rebound shag,” Harry says, voice tight. They both glance over at Liam again who’s watching them curiously now, his head tilted to the side.
Harry sighs and tugs Louis until they’re both in the corner, out of Liam’s view. “You do understand how rebound shags work, don’t you? You know how Liam gets; he doesn’t do casual flings. He’s going to do something stupid like fall in love with you and—“
Louis has already looked down and is staring at his trainers when Harry says it, but he feels his face heat, the back of his neck and tips of his ears going hot and Harry knows him; he knows all of his tells so he’s not surprised when he hears Harry suck in a breath and say, “Ah, unless it’s not him I should be worrying about, because somehow you’ve managed to turn a rebound shag into romance and you’ve gone and fallen in love with him. Which is just as bad because it was a rebound shag which is the absolute worst time to be mucking about with feelings. Orgasms, yes, good,” Harry explains, holding his thumb up. “Wanting to be boyfriends, no, very very bad,” he turns his fist so that his thumb is pointing down.
Louis can’t look Harry in the eye. “It’s not— it’s not like that,” he insists, but it sounds weak even to his own ears.
“I can’t even believe this,” Harry mutters. “You two are the absolute worst at this, holy shit. Well what did he say when you told him?” Harry says a little too loudly, considering Liam is on his way over to them now, a curious smile still curving his lips. Louis looks at Harry desperately trying to tell Harry to shut the hell up with his eyes, and something must finally click because he hears Harry say, “Oh for fuck’s sake, he doesn’t even know, does he??” right as Liam joins them, a grin on his face as he asks, “Who doesn’t even know what?”
“Nothing!” Louis exclaims. “Nothing at all! Care for a drink, Liam? We should go get you one; Harry was just leaving, weren’t you, Harry?”
Harry glares at him murderously. “I was, yeah,” he says, and before Louis has a chance to shove him away he adds, “Make sure to get Lou to tell you the really important thing he has to tell you, all right, Li?” Harry trips a bit as Louis pushes him but then he’s gone, finally, after pointing one last accusing finger in Louis’ direction.
When Louis turns back around Liam is still smiling at him softly. He looks a little confused but a lot fond and Louis really just wants to kiss him. He wonders when that got to be his default reaction around Liam, but the more he thinks about it the more the lines start to blur because Louis has always been Liam’s friend and he’s always loved him. Parts of this might be new for them but it doesn’t feel new – it just feels like something they maybe should have been doing all along – and Louis wants to die because maybe Harry was right again. Maybe he really does need to talk to Liam and tell him how he feels.
“Did you have something to tell me, Lou?” Liam asks, and honestly, there’s probably never going to be a better opportunity so Louis bites his lip a little and looks up, meeting Liam’s soft brown eyes and smiling helplessly.
“I think I’m kind of in love with you?” Louis blurts out, and all right, that wasn’t exactly how he planned on saying it but there it is. It’s out there now and there’s nothing Louis can do about it. Liam is staring at him blankly, his eyes wide and blinking and Louis shrugs helplessly. “I didn’t mean to be. Or maybe I always kind of was, I’m not really sure any more,” he says, scrunching his face up as he thinks about it. “Either way it was probably stupid to start shagging because it was supposed to be casual but I don’t think it really was ever for me which is kind of shit and I’m sorry, but, I don’t know,” Louis says and shrugs. “If you want to stop— I mean, we should probably stop, because it’s— I don’t know. I’m sorry about it though.”
Liam is still staring at him, his mouth opening and closing but no sound is coming out. Louis doesn’t know for a fact but he’s pretty sure that’s not a great sign.
“Or we can just forget all the stuff I said, just now,” Louis chokes out because Liam is still quiet, Liam isn’t talking and Louis needs to know what that means. “Because it was probably stupid. You know, all the love stuff and everything.”
Liam is still silent. Louis thinks he might actually pass out and die. “Li, say something,” he whispers, and something in his voice must break Liam out of his trance because he’s suddenly surging forward, his fingers curling tightly over Louis’ shoulders and pulling him in, his mouth warm and soft when he kisses Louis’ forehead and cheek.
“I think—” Liam takes a deep breath and exhales against Liam’s skin. “I think I feel the same,” he says, and Louis’ heart trips and bangs wildly in his chest. He can’t believe what Liam is saying; Louis isn’t sure but he doesn’t think he’s supposed to get every single thing he’s ever wanted. Life just doesn’t work that way.
It seems that Liam is trying to prove that theory wrong.
“I didn’t— I don’t do casual things, Lou, but I thought that was what you wanted so I was all right with it, but I don’t. I never. I think I always loved you a little more than I should, and I’ve just been so happy lately and it’s just—“ he shrugs a little. “I was worried about when it was going to end because I didn’t want it to,” Liam finishes quietly. “I don’t want it to.”
Louis’ throat is tight and his hands are shaking as he touches Liam’s chest and shoulder and cheek. He tilts Liam’s face so he’s looking right at him, and his voice is calm and steady when he says, “I don’t want it to end either, so, I don’t know. How about we just don’t let it?”
Liam is trying not to laugh at him, Louis can tell. He wishes they were someplace private, somewhere other than the semi-quiet corner of a pub with all of their mates lurking around the corner so he could kiss Liam properly; touch him and hold him and show him just how much he plans on never letting either of them screw this up.
“We’re just—not going to let it?”
“Nope.” Louis shakes his head and smiles when Liam catches his mouth in a fast kiss. “It’s not on my list of things to do and we both know how amazing my list is.”
Liam grins, his whole face lighting up with it, eyes crinkling at the corners and Louis laughs happily. “Your list is pretty great,” Liam admits. “I had my doubts about it in the beginning but I’ve definitely been converted.”
Louis nods and slips his hand into Liam’s, twining their fingers together and pulling him towards the door. He catches Harry’s eye over the crowd and gives him a happy thumbs up and Harry’s face goes from confused to pleased so quickly Louis chuckles, nodding when Harry gives him a thumbs up in return.
“You all right?” Liam asks after hearing Louis laugh, and Louis smiles and nods, tightening his fingers and pushing the door open to the outside.
“I’m great,” Louis answers honestly. “You?”
“Never better,” Liam answers and the truth of that makes Louis stop, his heart so full he’s afraid it might actually burst because he’s never been better either. All this time he thought he was doing everything to help Liam, but he actually made himself happier too in the process. Louis can’t believe how lucky he is.
Liam takes another step before realizing Louis is still standing in the same spot, and he comes back when he notices Louis’ not following. “You coming?” Liam asks.
Louis blinks and shakes himself out of it, then presses up to kiss Liam’s cheek. “Yeah, definitely. In fact, I’ll race you, Payne,” he calls out and takes off at a fair sprint down the street.
“Hey! That’s not fair,” Liam calls out, but Louis can already hear his feet pounding on the ground behind him and he laughs helplessly because there’s no way he’s going to win a foot race against Liam. What was he even thinking? “You got a head start!”
“I’m pretty sure you can catch me, Liam,” Louis calls out over his shoulder, and when Liam does Louis lets him.
-end-