Chapter Text
“You met with new people and I can’t help but anxious about it and about us.”
To be actually honest, Yoongi is both worried and anxious about dating Namjoon—having a younger lover surprisingly distressing him more than he thought.
He might actually doesn’t show it whenever they meet up through their busy schedules, but through Hoseok’s story—they became close after the concert, he heard a lot of girls are approaching Namjoon and built a fanclub of him without the younger man knowing while confessed in turns.
Yoongi probably jealous, but he just can’t help it.
When they accidentally met Hoseok and his fellows on their routine meeting—Saturday or Sunday, spare a day to meet whenever possible—at Cinema, a girl of the crowds recognized Namjoon and went oh, Namjoon-oppa! Want to join us? and clung her arms around the younger man’s arm while the rest of them except Hoseok encouraging the idea.
One of them asked up, not knowing who Yoongi is rather rude, judging stares all over the older man. “But who’s with you? Your friend?”
Namjoon almost answered he’s my boyfriend but Yoongi interjects, introduced himself as his hyung before excused himself and dragged him out of the Cinema, worried that they might suspicious by their relationship.
The younger man somehow looked confused by his action, however, “Yoongi-ssi, why—”
“Let’s just go to my apartment after we borrow DVDs at movie rental.” Yoongi insisted. Namjoon only nodded while fished his car key out of his jeans pocket and started the car, although Yoongi know the younger man’s facial face seemed baffled of his sudden action.
Yoongi haven’t tell anyone about it, however, but he sure that he actually is feeling it.
He feels uneasy of their relationship.
“You feel uneasy.”
Yoongi sighs after Jimin actually said the truth that he doesn’t want to admit.
Jimin—Park Jimin, his junior—is a rising singer that debuted two years ago along with Jeongguk as duo and they went by TRAP on the management Yoongi contracted in. However, he is still around Namjoon’s brother age, so basically he is a whole lot younger than him.
Right, Yoongi knew him since Jimin passed the audition at the management as new trainee.
“You actually said it—”
“Because that’s the truth?”
Well, it is. It is, Yoongi knew it, but he somehow feels annoyed for no reason. He avoids to answer by playfully plays the music tiles in front of him, in his studio, while Jimin seems waiting for his answer.
Yoongi doesn’t want to answer.
Fathoming Yoongi’s avoidance, Jimin changes the topic by asking, “She strangely doesn’t mind, though.” A frown starts to appear on Jimin’s forehead, doubting Yoongi’s story. “Is she actually that calm, Hyung?”
The older man ponders for a while, trying to remember Namjoon’s flaws before he replies, “Well, she’s actually quite clumsy.” Jimin chuckles while slips comment really? “But she’s reliable,” Yoongi still remember when Namjoon was always stayed with him, being responsible of him when they tried to return Gloss back then. “And she’s cool.”
Jimin hums, “How cool is she?”
“She’s cooler than you.” Which is true, Namjoon is cooler than Jimin in voice and face aspects—Yoongi may biased about his opinion, but that what he thinks.
The younger male scoffs, looks he has expected that kind of answer from Yoongi. “Right, a girl is cooler than me. What a typical answer of Yoongi-hyung.” He sighs and finally get off the sofa and enters the recording booth while holding sheet of papers that filled by lyrics. “Let’s continue.”
“Yeah, let’s.”
Maybe spending his afternoon by working may forget his uneasiness for a while.
It’s been six months since the concert and Namjoon became a freshman that every girls type wants to date—handsome, has a nice voice, tall, genius and kind—and it worries a man named Min Yoongi a whole lot than necessary.
Puberty done a way too great job on Namjoon’s case.
Yoongi realizes it, he really does. Whenever they went out, Yoongi does conscious that girls were fawning over Namjoon than they should by ‘accidentally’ slips their phone numbers in younger man’s bag—he often looks confused when he opened his bag to get his phone or his wallet since it filled by bunch of scrap papers, but he immediately threw them away without checking any of it.
Maybe Namjoon thought someone pulled a prank on him by filling his bag with rubbishes.
Yoongi actually have had enough of it but he can’t bring himself to tell Namjoon; he is afraid the younger man would not think his opinion too much by saying he’s overreacting and asks him to stop thinking those thoughts.
It’s scary; Yoongi never feels this insecure before.
When the younger man pampers him by kisses at Yoongi’s apartment—he decided to live by himself so he can work easier that staying at Seokjin’s house; he’s burdening him enough—while cuddling in front of the movie they are watching right now, he can’t help but uneasy that makes him unconsciously doesn’t pay attention of Namjoon.
These kind of thoughts actually distressing Yoongi a bit too much, but he can’t stop.
He just can’t.
“Yoongi-ssi?”
The younger male’s call snaps him to reality as Yoongi startles while blinks in surprise, but he immediately turns his gaze to him who only an inch away of his face while asks, “What is it?”
Namjoon frowns, however, “You seem out of it.” He leans his forehead on Yoongi’s forehead to check the temperature. “It’s normal.”
“Well, literally, since I’m not sick.” Yoongi sighs, shoving Namjoon’s face away of him.
But Yoongi’s answer doesn’t convince Namjoon that he states, but in doubt, “But usually you would show reactions when I kissed you.”
Yoongi raises an eyebrow, “Such as?”
“… squirming?” Yoongi’s stare is judging. “Wait, I mean, you would usually reacts as you supposed to do—”
“That actually didn’t help at all.”
“... sorry.”
Yoongi cackles, however, before he finally lets Namjoon embraces him as he looks up and asks, “Anyway, Namjoon, how’s the college?”
Namjoon answers while he starts to lean his head on Yoongi’s, “It was great. I got introduced to their great studios, the professors are friendly and the people around campus are nice either. But,” Namjoon sighs, let his head falls on Yoongi’s shoulder. “The girls are mostly furious.”
A frown formed on Yoongi’s forehead, “How so?”
He shrugs, “I don’t know why, but they keep bugging me.” Namjoon reaches the remote control to stop the playing movie and changed to random channels. “It’s annoying.”
“I heard from Jung Hoseok that they confessed to you as well.” Yoongi tried to bring the topic up, but Namjoon doesn’t look as surprised as he expected.
Namjoon nods, though, “I rejected them, of course.” He sighs while his eyes slowly focused on the monitor. “Were you used to be popular too?”
“I guess? I didn’t pay attention though; all I thought at that time was how to graduate quickly.” Yoongi hums, however, when he remembered the hardships he has been through. He barely has friends since he was busy both his studies and his career; all he has back then was only Seokjin. “I don’t know if it’s okay for me to say this, but back then I didn’t really enjoy my youth.”
“A teacher said he didn’t enjoy his youth—” Yoongi immediately shoots him a fierce glare. “Then did you have girlfriends?”
Yoongi sighs, “Weren’t you?”
“… right, we both did.”
They fall silent.
There’s nothing much to do for them afterward; they spent the night talking about new songs and making music’s quick lesson by Min Yoongi before Namjoon decided to call it a day and takes a leave since he has class tomorrow and Yoongi’s apartment is quite far from his college.
Yoongi accompanies him to the parking lot before he bids bye until Namjoon’s car is nowhere on his sight.
Sighs.
He worries over nothing.
“Is it just me or your face looks stressed?”
“Hyung, shut up.” Yoongi groans, annoyed that Seokjin suddenly barges to his studio with a plastic bag on his hand yet immediately commented his current state. He is actually working for his new songs a while ago, but his work interrupted by Seokjin. “This is just my face.”
“Right, I forgot.” Seokjin scoffs, taking a seat on the sofa at Yoongi’s studio while places the plastic bag on the nearest table. “But I think foods may help you.”
Yoongi immediately turn his chair to Seokjin while his eyes lighten up in delight, “Is it homemade?”
“Made by Kim Seokjin, by love—” Yoongi immediately drags his chair closer to the table to open the plastic bag and takes the lunchbox—it actually too late to be called as lunch since the clock shows 11PM—out. “Yah, at least let me finish my words!”
“Made by Kim Seokjin, by love and hard work!” Yoongi repeats Seokjin by his attention already on the lunch box—moreover, he lighten up in bliss when he found meats inside of it. “Hyung, do you know that I love you so much?”
Seokjin rolls his eyes, somehow offended of Yoongi’s action by choosing foods over him. “Save that for Kim Namjoon.” He can’t help but smiling, though, as he messily ruffles Yoongi’s hair. “Eat. You haven’t eat anything, don’t you?”
So Yoongi obeys by grabbing the chopsticks and starts to dig in.
While Yoongi enjoying Seokjin’s homemade foods, the older man’s eyes wanders around the younger man’s studio, inspecting the room while asks, “Did CEO add new some equipment for you?”
“You noticed?” Yoongi shoves a mouthful of ssam to his mouth before following where Seokjin’s eyes are landed. “Pretty nice, huh? I got those as an apology for the nullified contract issue back then. It’s like killing two birds by a stone; the concert brought me back to music and new equipment.” He finally swallows the food before unconsciously smiles, “I owe Namjoon a lot.”
Seokjin hums, “You should invite him here.”
Yoongi actually considering that, but …. “If I did, how to explain his existence here?”
“As your acquaintance?” Yoongi clearly shakes his head—he doesn’t want to hurt Namjoon’s feeling. “Ah, right, you can’t” Seokjin seems discern the situation. “That guy is quite sensitive.”
“So you do know.”
Seokjin rolls his eyes, “Duh, I was his homeroom teacher.”
Yoongi sighs, shoves a ssam again to his mouth. He actually perplexed by the relationship he has right now, but he feels it’s only him who feel it. “But seriously, dating him is hard.”
“But I think everything will be fine if you two speak it out.” Seokjin’s smile is harmless, yet almost make Yoongi choked. “… don’t puke.”
Yoongi tries his hardest to swallows the food.
Seokjin is right, actually, but still….
What’s with this discomfort feeling?
As the time goes by, Yoongi learned that Namjoon actually a sensitive person.
He is easily upset when things didn’t go as he wanted; he doesn’t interact much with people unless he really needs to; he is meticulous about everything; he doesn’t like it when someone disturbed his sleep. He is both cheesy and greasy when he is in a good mood; he is blunt yet kind.
But what was suprising Yoongi the most is Namjoon actually a considerate person.
It was New Year when Namjoon suddenly asked Yoongi’s sexual experience after their making out season rather bluntly in the younger male’s room, being in mess with their lips swollen due the way Namjoon ravished the older man’s. The question was typical of a high school student, actually, but it made Yoongi almost fall off Namjoon’s bed.
“Have you ever done it before, Seonsaengnim?”
It actually flabbergasted Yoongi. “W-what do you mean?”
“Well, you know, make love?” Namjoon asked nervously—Yoongi knew the younger male took a lot of courage to ask it to him but he can’t help to not feel the same.
It gradually made Yoongi nervous.
“I… I never done it with a man before.”
Namjoon asked him again, however, “What about women?”
“I think I did, but I can’t remember when.” Although he actually, too, felt nervous because Namjoon’s sudden question, he still managed to wrap his fingers around the younger male’s face and asked him back, “Have you?”
“Is it actually okay to answer? I mean, technically you’re still my teacher—”
“You did, didn’t you?”
Namjoon’s nervousness slowly shown as he bit his lower lip that still swollen because of their make-out session a while ago, “… yes.”
“But Namjoon,” Yoongi lightly patted Namjoon’s cheeks before he asked the younger male to sit down with him and stared right through his clear eyes, “Make out is fine by me, but I can’t let you to have sex with me.” Namjoon seemed flabbergasted by Yoongi’s answer. Yoongi quickly explained, though, “Not until you hit twenty.”
Namjoon frowned, “Why?”
“Because…” Yoongi actually hadn’t thought it that far but he tried to come up something that already popped out on his mind, tried to be as reasonable as possible. “I don’t think we need to rush things.” His nervousness slowly eased when Namjoon gave him a look that he comprehend the situation. “Is it too much to ask?”
“Nope, not at all.” Namjoon grinned, hands on Yoongi’s hips while he laned closer to the older man’s face that their nose almost touched. “You can force me to stop if it became too much for you.”
Yoongi blinked, flabbergasted by Namjoon’s answer. “Just how far do you want to go?”
“Is up to your shoulder okay?”
That was unexpected, actually. “… sure?” Yoongi twigged, however, when Namjoon gently kissed the tip of his nose and exclaimed, “Wait, but don’t leave any mark—”
A grin formed on Namjoon’s face before planted a kiss on Yoongi’s lips and trailed the kisses up to the crock of the older man’s neck, “I can’t promise that.”
Yoongi ended up got his neck band-aided until four band-aids to cover the places Namjoon left the mark on.
Hoseok ever told Yoongi when he visited school to take care of his graduation that Namjoon used to ignore people and barely listen to anyone before he met Yoongi.
“Oh, really?”
The younger male nodded. “We became close because of you.” He took a seat where Namjoon usually sat on and said, “He often spent his lunch break in class—writing something in notes while his ears plugged by earphones—or in cafeteria with Taehyung. I think it stopped after you asked him to help you, though.”
Yoongi hummed. So Namjoon actually a loner. “Is he ever got in a fight or went into trouble?”
“I don’t think so. Although his face always seems asked for it.” Yoongi chuckled. “He’s actually playful, but I still wonder why he used to shut himself away from people.”
It actually makes Yoongi wonders since Namjoon never show such attitude when they were together—he would be usually sickening greasy and cheesy that he forced to stop the younger male by smacking him.
So why, though?
“Hyung, how do you do ‘things’ with your fiancée?”
Seokjin almost blurts the food in his mouth to Yoongi’s face.
It was Sunday when Seokjin invited him to have a walk to the market to buy supplies while asked him to wear his old disguise (the one when he used to be an infirmary teacher) so they won’t get recognized. Yoongi disinclined to go with him, actually, since he’s tired as hell but Seokjin coaxed him that he will make lunch for him, with meats as the primary servings.
So Yoongi spiked his hair with gel and wore his glasses to get out—free foods, Kim Seokjin’s handmade, who can resist?—and go with him, but instead of buying groceries, Seokjin dragged him to the food stalls and stuff themselves there with flour-based foods—treat’s on the older man, of course.
But Seokjin almost blurts his food on him was actually pretty unwelcoming and annoying.
“W-why did you suddenly ask me that?” Seokjin looks flustered, pupils lightly shaking nervously while Yoongi nonchalantly stares at him with his chin propped by his hand. “Did Kim Namjoon ask you—”
Yoongi waves his hand, clearly denying Seokjin’s remarks, “No, that was me. I just merely curious.”
Seokjin’s stare looks dubious. “Do I really have to tell you?” He blinks, twigs that his statement sounds wrong so he rephrase it again, “I mean, did you really ask me that?”
“Well, I did?” Yoongi’s hand busy to take an odeng and eats it while casually answers Seokjin, “Your fiancée is two years younger than you and she’s working. Both you already adults, right? I don’t think you didn’t do anything—”
“Whoa! Stop right there!” Seokjin reflexively covers Yoongi’s mouth by his hands, forced the younger man to shut up while anxiously looking around. “No matter how much I love you, isn’t it too much to talk about this on public?”
Yoongi frowns as he looks around, but nobody even spare a glance to them. “Nobody seems care, though?”
“You—!” Seokjin groans, frustrated by his insensitive cousin as he grunts and remarks, “Yah, that’s… that’s personal.”
“Then just reply by ‘I can’t tell you.’ and that’s it.” Yoongi is disgruntled, feels ridiculed by Seokjin’s unnecessary reactions. “Besides, I won’t force you if you don’t want to. Chill.”
“Yoongi—”
“Although when I think about it, I don’t think you have time to do it since I was living at your house before.”
“… what the hell, I almost feel touched but you ruined it up!”
Yoongi chortles, however, when Seokjin looks in disbelief yet he says, “But you don’t, don’t you?” trying to digs information from the older man by baits him a little.
“… I don’t.” Seokjin finally surrenders—he knew Yoongi would budge him unless he got desirable answers. “I won’t do it until we get married.”
Yoongi blinks, “Why?”
“Why, you mean?” Seokjin frowns. “I want to treasure her; the thing were you talking about isn’t an only way to express love, you know.”
Hmm.
He drinks a glass of cider to eases the foods in his throat before he asks again, “You don’t have plans of marrying her?”
“Of course I do.” Seokjin sighs, “I do, but … I guess we won’t get married until she got a stable position on the company she working on.” He’s about to pour his heart out before he stopped and immediately rapidly pats Yoongi’s shoulder and points his index finger to somewhere, looks surprised on what he saw. “Yah, yah, isn’t that Kim Namjoon?”
Yoongi frowns as he turns his head to follow where Seokjin’s gaze landed on, trying to found Namjoon’s figure through the crowds. When he found the back of the younger male, Yoongi almost want to call him but his throat suddenly feels dry when he saw a girl beside Namjoon, clinging her arm around his and both of them seem having bliss and smiles all painted on their face.
… who is she?
“Why is he with a girl? Even clinging on his arm…” Seokjin didn’t bother to check Yoongi’s facial expression yet frowns, seems confused with the situation, “Is that his sister?”
Yoongi immediately denies while he shakes his head, “No, he doesn’t has a sister.” A frown unconsciously hangs on Yoongi’s forehead, clearly confused with the recent situation; Namjoon clearly doesn’t have a sister and the skinship is too much to be called as sibling skinships—then who is she? “Wait, I’ll try to text him.”
He immediately fishes his phone out of his shorts pocket without waiting for Seokjin’s answer, quickly opens the lock and typing in flash to Namjoon, checking if the person they suspect as Namjoon is actually not him.
10.12 SyubD : where are you?
“Oh, oh! He’s picking his phone!”
Yoongi looks up and his gaze automatically lands on the suspected figure, witnessing him picking his phone while he seems confused by something on it and gesturing his thumbs like typing before he put his phone back while at the same time the older man’s phone rings.
10.13 iamNJ : I went shopping with my colleague, why?
Oh.
Seems noticing a change on Yoongi’s facial expression, Seokjin instinctively grabs the younger man’s phone and read the message but he ended up frowns and comments, “His colleague? Then why—hey, Yoongi? Yoongi?”
Yoongi’s ears turn deaf as he quickly types an answer before he quickly packs his bag and drags Seokjin home, ignoring all of the complains the oldest man throws at him since his mind completely clouded with anger and disgruntled with Namjoon.
Dammit.
The uneasiness killing him.
18.13 iamNJ : yoongi-ssi?
18.14 iamNJ : are you busy?
18.15 iamNJ : hey?
19.12 iamNJ : yoon-gi-ssi?
19.14 iamNJ : are you already sleeping?
20.56 iamNJ : why aren’t you answering my message?
20.58 iamNJ : did I do something wrong?
Namjoon texted Yoongi yesterday and the older man doesn’t have intention to reply.
Cup by cups of coffee he drank to pull all-nighter in his studio, trying to ignore the uneasiness with composing songs for his comeback. For these years he has spent for making music, last night was his record to able made 10 tracks in one night although Yoongi sure the songs would be full of anger since he vented his on it.
It’s because of Namjoon. Namjoon Namjoon Namjoon—
And Yoongi actually really hates the way he overthinking about yesterday’s scene; it’s not like him to be easily fired up by jealousy and unable to chill down no matter what he does.
It’s hard; he never thought dating the younger man would be this risky for his mental health.
“Good morning—whoa, your eye bags are really horrible!” Jimin entered the studio in surprise as he saw Yoongi’s morning state with stacks of coffees scattered on the table, looks as horrible as shit while the younger man innocently asks, “Is it about work?”
Yoongi looks up, lethargic than usual as he drinks a couple of gulps of his coffee before greets Jimin “Oh, you came?” and return his gaze to the monitor while his fingers push the tiles of midi*, venting his vexation on the innocent piano tiles.
The uneasiness still won’t get away.
“Is it about your girlfriend?” Jeongguk following Jimin to ask him, which makes Yoongi’s fingers spontaneously jams the tiles harder than necessary. “Whoa, really? Yoongi-hyung, you’re—”
Yoongi groans, throwing the empty can of coffee to his juniors in annoyance. “Shut up.”
“But it’s rare to see you so stressed because of your love life!” Jeongguk blinks, seems as surprised as Jimin yet excited that he found something he can poke fun of today. “Hyung, Hyung! Spill on us, spill!” Yoongi spontaneously turns his chair to throws them fierce glares, already annoyed enough to snaps at them in any moment. “What gives, Hyung? It might makes your uneasiness go away.”
Yoongi clearly refuses, however, as he sighs and turn his chair back to in front of monitor, let his juniors mouth bombards him questions that passed through his ears, doesn’t have any intention to answer it either. That might actually a great solution actually, but Yoongi isn’t type a person who likes to share his problem easily.
Is not that he doesn’t believe them, he just found it uncomfortable to tell them about Namjoon at them and he is afraid that he might slipped on she become he—he doesn’t want make them uncomfortable with him either, it might affects their work.
He can’t risk his relationship with them.
16.13 HobHobi : seonsaengnim?
16.20 SyubD : what
16.24 HobHobi : is namjoonie okay?
16.24 HobHobi : I mean
16.24 HobHobi : he looks so lethargic for almost a week
16.28 SyubD : idk
16.28 SyubD : why did you ask me?
16.30 HobHobi : whoa, how cold
16.32 HobHobi : but seriously, seonsaengnim, I think it’s better for both of you to make up
16.33 HobHobi : when I hugged him, his body was a bit feverish
16.34 HobHobi : his eye bags are horribly big either
16.35 HobHobi : maybe you should pay a visit
16.36 SyubD : so you’ve become brave enough to command me, huh?
16.38 HobHobi : that wasn’t it! I just suggesting!
16.40 SyubD : jung hoseok
16.40 SyubD : wow
16.40 SyubD : you’re so bad
16.41 HobHobi : min-seonsaengnim!! = _ =
16.41 HobHobi : I hate u!
“Huh? Min Yoongi-ssi?”
Taehyung was the first one who greet Yoongi in that evening.
The younger male seems confused by Yoongi’s sudden visit, however, as he frowns and stares rather dubiously at him and the plastic bags he carried by his hands, silently questioning why he came here.
Yoongi wonders either.
“So, uh, Kim Taehyung, is your brother home?” Yoongi nervously asks although he looks up at Taehyung and wondering why these Kims are so tall. Taehyung nods as reply and Yoongi asks again, “Is he asleep?”
Taehyung shakes his head, however, as he lets the older man to enter the house and answers, “I don’t think so; it’s still too early for him to sleep.”
“I-I see.”
He frowns yet he still offers to enter, “You can go to his room though.”
Yoongi immediately shakes his head and hands the plastic bag that he has been holding for a while to Taehyung, only intending to hands him kalguksu he bought in impulse after he received Hoseok’s message before he ready to go home, “I just came to give Namjoon this—”
A grin immediately plastered on Taehyung’s face as he mischievously pushes Yoongi’s hands, smoothly refuses him before he grabs the older man’s shoulder and drags him to Namjon’s room, “C’mon, don’t be shy! I’m sure Namjoon-hyung won’t mind!”
“Yah, Kim Taehyung, don’t—”
“Hyung! I brought Min Yoongi-ssi!”
When Yoongi almost shoves Taehyung off his shoulder, the younger male already opened Namjoon’s room and missed his chance to run away—but that kind of thought disappears when he saw Namjoon, soon feels guilty for ignoring him for a whole week.
Namjoon doesn’t face him while his ears shut by a headphone, face facing the music equipment that newly bought for his studies and his back facing both of them—he seems doesn’t notice Taehyung’s call as he busy playing the midi, looks like he’s in the middle of composing a song while his mouth busily moving by forming silent words.
He looks… lonely.
Taehyung smiles, however, as he lightly pats Yoongi’s shoulder and whispers “I’ll leave both of you alone; so don’t mind me and have a nice talk with him.” before he excused himself out of Namjoon’s room, leaving Yoongi alone with Namjoon with the plastic bags that filled by kalguksu taken by Taehyung.
Have a nice talk…?
How?
Yoongi’s small feet timidly approaching Namjoon, both guilty and confused how he explains his baseless uneasiness he felt after he saw such scene a week ago. It would be easier if he just admit I felt uneasy at Namjoon, but if the younger man asked why, he can’t explain.
It’s embarrassing.
But wait, what he’s supposed to do now?
His feet timidly stop right behind Namjoon’s office chair, suddenly clueless for things he supposed to do. Is he supposed to do cheesy things like back hugs he often saw on sitcoms or whisper sweet nothings on the younger man’s ears or, or, or …
How to maintain a relationship anyway?
“How long am I supposed to wait for you to notice me?”
Yoongi jolts in surprise and even shocked when he notices that Namjoon already faced him, headphone taken off his ears and look at him endearingly yet his tiredness still can be seen even when the younger man throws him a smile.
Wha—?
“H-how long has you been watching me?” The question sounds awkward enough to hear for Yoongi, but he can’t help but stuttered because of the overwhelming surprise in him won’t tuned down.
Namjoon’s eyes tiredly curved into crescent moon-shaped, weakly smiles as he answers “Long enough to be able to saw you being hesitant to call me out.” while he reaches the older man’s hands and lightly caresses it and his lips parted, “How are you today?”
“I’m… fine, I guess.” Yoongi hesitantly pulls his hands off Namjoon before he checks the younger man’s temperature by his palms and flinches in surprise; it’s too warm for people’s normal temperature. “… and I guess you don’t.”
A weak laugh escaped from Namjoon’s lips, “Maybe it’s because I miss you too much.”
Yoongi can’t help but dryly laugh, “… how am I supposed to reply that?”
Instead of replying Yoongi, Namjoon looks up and weakly grins, seems ignoring the older man’s question while he says again. “I really missed you.”
Really.
He really can’t being rough on Namjoon.
Sighing, Yoongi gently ruffles Namjoon’s hair while his other hand cups the younger man’s jaw, unconsciously seeking for comfort he missed for approximately a week. It’s hotter than usual—since Namjoon seems he got cold again—but it’s still comforting for Yoongi although he doesn’t know why.
“You must be haven’t been sleeping for days, don’t you?” Yoongi lightly pinches Namjoon’s cheek, actually feel annoyed that the younger man hardly take care of himself. “You want to get hospitalized again?”
Namjoon chuckles although he did groan when he got pinched. “I don’t really fond of hospital.”
“Then why didn’t you sleep properly! Aish, this kid, really!” Groaning, Yoongi bonks Namjoon’s head by his fist, slowly become really annoyed why this kid hardly uses his genius brain at the right timing—Yoongi really doesn’t get it. “Let me guess, were you sobbing while listened to my mixtapes when you were trying to sleep again?”
“Wha—h-how did you know?” The younger man’s facial face turns surprised, taken aback by Yoongi’s remark that hit the bull’s eye. Yoongi sighs, for God knows how much, before he puts his arms around Namjoon’s head and gently buried his face on his abdomen, which makes the younger man flabbergasted and stuttered, “Y-Yoongi-ssi?”
Instead of answering Namjoon, Yoongi pats the younger man’s back while whispers, “I’m sorry.” He can feel the younger man startles around his arms but he keeps continue, “It was my fault, wasn’t it? Your current state, I mean.”
Namjoon doesn’t answer and instead, he buries his face deeper on Yoongi, seems reluctant to reply the older man.
Yoongi smiles, though, as he pats Namjoon’s head and gently caresses the back of the younger man’s head. “Let’s talk this out later when you’re well enough to not sleep by sobbing over my mixtapes.”
“… stop mentioning the sobbing part; that’s embarrassing.”
Yoongi actually used to hate Namjoon.
He was the first one who knew his real identity only by his voice—hell, even Seokjin didn’t recognize him at first he showed him the disguise he will use as an infirmary teacher—and looked like he would be the type of person who would leaked his disguise to public.
But strangely he never heard of it even until he met him again when he planned to go to Seokjin’s house.
When he asked Namjoon to showed him the way of Seokjin’s house, it was actually just an excuse—he actually knew it already, but somehow he wanted to know how the younger man would reacted to his sudden request; is he going to do something bad to him? Or is he really going to show him the way?
Why?
Since Namjoon knew that he is Gloss, he might be do something bad, right?
That what was Yoongi thought, but the younger man really did send him to Seokjin’s house although his face really shows that he doesn’t actually want to.
It unconsciously made Yoongi taken interest of Namjoon.
When he coincidentally met the younger man at the drugstore to buy the infirmary supplies, he actually found it funny that Namjoon seems reluctant to saw him and rather dodged him. He did want to tease him again, but the injury he got two days before didn’t allow him to laugh over Namjoon.
And Namjoon seemed noticed his injury that he easily agreed to help Yoongi carried the supplies to school, although his eyes seems unable to taken off his left wrist even when he was driving, but he said nothing.
It actually a great help for Yoongi since he didn’t want to talk about it.
He actually felt nervous, however, when Namjoon suddenly asked his reason of took a break of his other job that it made him unable to answer and left the answer hanging. Namjoon didn’t ask again, however, as he timidly turned silent on the way Yoongi sent him home, left him felt sorry.
But he never expected he would met him again when he greet Seokjin home right behind the oldest man, seemed equally surprised by his welcoming.
By the way, the way he fidgeted when Yoongi fiercely stared at him looked too funny.
When he remembered that he ever said that he would tell Namjoon his reason back then on their first meeting, he suddenly thought; what if I told him everything? What his reaction might be after he heard my dark past? Only surprised? Or he might found it ridiculous and spread it to media?
But Namjoon didn’t look like a person who would easily spill the secrets.
So to make sure that Namjoon is trustable, he gave a compromise that if the younger man helped him at the infirmary since his left arm unable to bring heavy things for a month, he would tell everything to him (and in a month, he could learned about his character and would able to decide whether it was a good choice to tell him or not). Namjoon refused as first, but when Yoongi said he would gave him his signed mix tapes, he quickly said yes with his eyes lighten up—from what he remembered back then.
Yoongi wasn’t sure, but maybe that was when he started to pay attention of Namjoon but not because he made sure the younger man won’t tell the media about his presence as an infirmary teacher, but something else.
Something that more than interested.
(But Yoongi can say that back then, it wasn’t exactly what people called as love.)
Namjoon insisted that the girl who clung on his arms two weeks ago is just a girl he knew and asked him to buy presents for her boyfriend since she thought he has good taste after Yoongi finally asked him.
“Is clung on your arm really necessary?” Yoongi frowns with his eyes squinting rather annoyed while his gaze landed on Namjoon who busy flipping beef on the grill, right in the living room of his apartment. “I mean, is it normal for kids these days?”
The younger man shrugs, “I don’t know; she just clung onto me.”
Yoongi still scowling, though, “And you let her?”
“I didn’t, okay? She just suddenly clung her arms around me when we were in front of a shop—we didn’t link arm that long.” Namjoon sighing as he grips some cooked beef on Yoongi’s plate while continues, “We’re not even that close.”
Now that he mention it….
Hoseok ever told Yoongi that Namjoon barely has friend back when he was in high school, wasn’t he? Maybe Yoongi should check it. “Say, do you have friends in your college?”
Namjoon looks up as he blinks, seems doesn’t expect Yoongi would ask that while he asks back, “Why did you suddenly ask that?”
“Well, since you often hang out with me, I was thinking if you have friends or not.” Yoongi grips some meat by his chopsticks and feed it to Namjoon while asking him again, “Do you?” Namjoon nods. “Really?”
“I just don’t hang with them as often as I do with you.” He finally swallow and prepare another meat to grill. “Besides, I don’t really like hang with them since especially the girls were… annoying—have I told you that a girl almost kissed me when I went to the college get-together in public? That’s ridiculous, right? Just, how can a girl do that easily? Didn’t they have manner?” Namjoon looks upset as he cuts the meat rather roughly that it looks hurts for Yoongi to see. Poor meat. “Hell, just—”
Yoongi immediately stops Namjoon’s hands, can’t stand of seeing the way the younger cuts—it looks more like slaughters than cuts—the meat as he says “Okay, I get it, okay? Stop cutting the meat like that!” The younger man seems still upset when Yoongi took the scissors and the meat off his hands, though, seems his question awakening a bad memory on him. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just…” Sighing, Namjoon’s hand grabs a glass to drink before he attempt to speak, “That was why I don’t really hang much with them. Hoseok was an exception, though.”
Maybe it actually isn’t a good idea for Yoongi to bring the college things up to Namjoon—that what Yoongi get from the younger man’s reaction, although it actually make him curious of the case.
Is it that bad?
“Ooh, right, they did that. Did Namjoon’s facial face change?”
So on the next Yoongi tried to call Hoseok in case he could spill some on him since the only person Namjoon close with.
Last night, Namjoon seems so out of it that Yoongi ended up told him he should go home when the younger man cleaned the grill. Namjoon actually flabbergasted, but he didn’t say anything and obeyed Yoongi as he bade bye after they cleaned the living room.
Weird. He never sees Namjoon like that before.
“Yeah, I think he got traumatized over it; he looked so out of it.” Bunch of melodies popped out of the speaker in the studio when Yoongi occasionally push the midi tiles, trying to get some ideas for his next mix tapes while he’s phoning Hoseok. “So he sticks close to you wherever at university, huh?”
In the other line Hoseok laughs heartily, sounds he really hits the bull’s eye. “Kind of, but it’s nice though.” Before Yoongi ever has chance to ask why, he interjects with a sniffled laughter in his words, “It feels like an unpaid bodyguard yet I felt accomplished when the girls looked annoyed. How should I put this… joys over someone’s misery?”
“You jerk.” Hoseok chortles, though. “Do you guys have classes today?”
"We still have one class left in two hours; do you want to visit him?"
Huh?
Visiting Namjoon?
"...why?" Yoongi's fingers stop playing the midi tiles, a bit taken aback by Hoseok's invitation. Sure he actually never saw Namjoon when he studying but... "You want to reveal my real identity to public?"
"Why you and Namjoon always had such negative thoughts about me?! I'm serious here!"
"'Breaking news: GLOSS attended Y University and Caught be Seen with A Student! Is that his rumored lovers?!' kind of news?"
"Now I wonder who the jerk one is." A groan can be hear from the other line while Yoongi secretly smiles (it is fun to pull a prank on this kid). "You can use your disguise, right? I think anybody would barely recognize you if you do that."
"And why should I obey you?"
"You don't want to see his popularity at university?"
That's... actually tempting.
Yoongi unconsciously bites his lower lip, debating whether should he come to see it by himself or get his shit done today. He actually doesn't need to rush things since his CEO told him to take his time (Yoongi guessed the CEO grown guilty of his forced nullify contract issues), but he actually curious just how bad the trouble Namjoon faced that made the younger man looked troubled yesterday.
It's a hard decision.
"So? What do you think?"
Hoseok's voice snaps him to reality that almost made him drop his phone off before a tiny sigh comes out of Yoongi's lips as he says, "Don't tell Namjoon, though."
"Great! Tell me when you're arrived, okay? See you later!"
Yoongi hums as he hangs up the call, sighing when thought that it maybe isn't a good decision to take Hoseok's invitation as he remembered how Namjoon might react to Hoseok's scheme (that guy's sensitivity is the thing that Yoongi worried about).
But he still come anyway after an hour with his 'infirmary teacher disguise'.
Hoseok greets him with a big smile as he frivolously approaches the promised place, shit-eating grin never leave his long face while Yoongi bear himself to not punch the younger man so they won't make a scene here. The younger man doesn't seem to notice his annoyance, however, as he stretches his hand for a hi-five and says, "It's been a while."
He still responds to Hoseok's hi-five but a grunt still escaped off his mouth, "You better don't say anything to Namjoon—"
"Lips sealed, no worries." Hoseok grins while he starts to accompany Yoongi, who is in disguise, and lead him to the music faculty building. "Anyway, Seonsaengnim, can I ask you something?"
"As long as you don't ask about some spoiler of my next mix tape, it's okay."
"What part of Namjoon you like the most?"
Yoongi's heart's about to jump.
"W-why did you suddenly asked me that?" Yoongi stuttered, unable to hide his surprise.
Hoseok frowns, "Can't I?"
"No, I mean, that's surprising but okay, I can answer you." Yoongi tried to compose himself as he answers, "But actually, I don't know."
But it’s true; he actually doesn't know.
When Yoongi remembered the time he kissed Namjoon in impulse, he actually wants to make sure that he has feelings for the younger man; not just a fluke like some of dramas he often watched with Seokjin at late night. He did kiss Namjoon, however, Namjoon's reaction was out of his prediction.
It looked cute on Yoongi's eyes.
(And he couldn't resist to stop Namjoon kissed him again since yes, he wanted it too and all he thought that time was Namjoon, Namjoon and Namjoon.)
"Is it because of his looks?" Hoseok's question snaps Yoongi to reality and the older man responds by shakes his head. "His brain?" Yoongi doesn't even know that Namjoon actually that smart before Seokjin told him so he shakes his head again. "Then what is it?"
Yoongi hums, "His persistence?"
"Persisten-what?"
A chuckle escaped off Yoongi's lips as he slowly tells the younger man, "You see, Namjoon was the first student I met at my first day as an infirmary teacher. When he knew that I'm Gloss, he suddenly tried to digging information of mine and seemed questioning reasons why I took a break." Hoseok nods, seems he can relate to him. "He even asked your help, didn't he?"
Hoseok blinks in surprise, "H-how did you know?"
"You think I didn't know that you were around Hongdae's live arenas to get information of mine?" Hoseok flabbergasted, yet still reasoning Namjoon asked me to! but Yoongi rolls his eyes as says, "Put that aside, he really wanted to know the reasons and even involved in my family problem yet he looked he didn't mind."
Hoseok seems agree with Yoongi as he nods endlessly. "He's thick-headed, isn't he?"
Yoongi can't agree more. "Don't tell him, though."
Hoseok nods as he motioned his lips sealed with his hands.
They arrived at the music faculty building while most of students' eyes landed on them—especially Yoongi, since his face looks unfamiliar there yet didn't seem recognized him as Gloss. Sometimes the girls would approached Hoseok and asked who Yoongi is and the younger man would reply that he's his cousin and quickly drags him to Namjoon's class, trying to not drawing more attention than now. Yoongi doesn't seem disturbed and even spare times to bid bye to them, which makes Hoseok actually frowns yet he doesn't say anything.
Yoongi forgot that his disguise would drawing girls' attention.
"Oh, there he is!"
Hoseok's voice makes Yoongi immediately turn his head to where the younger man pointed his index finger at, the seat that Namjoon can be seen yawning while he supports his jaw by both of his hands. Namjoon looks different; he looks so bored even before the class started with spectacles planted right on the bridge of his nose perfectly while his eyes landed on the thick book in front of him, seems trying to read a book to buy the time so the class would start faster.
Wait, spectacles?
"He wore spectacles?" Yoongi reflexively points his finger to Namjoon's spectacles through the window. Weird, Namjoon never told him though?
Hoseok replies, "Only for lessons, though; his prescription isn't heavy enough to wear spectacles for walking." Aah, is that so. "Look, someone's approaching him."
Yoongi's eyes immediately land to a girl who slowly approaching Namjoon. She looks fine in Yoongi's opinion; thin figure, fashionable clothes and pretty face. Namjoon doesn't seem distracted as the girl keeps talking yet he just replied shortly while his eyes still on the book, isn't interested by her.
Hey, Yoongi thinks he ever seen her with Namjoon before!
"Who is she?" Yoongi asks as he seeing the girl still trying to make a conversation with Namjoon yet the younger man doesn't seem to care. "I think I ever seen her before..."
A frown formed on Hoseok's forehead as he asks rather dubious, "You did?" Yoongi nods. "She's the queenka of this university. I heard she already had a boyfriend that went study aboard yet she always trying to get Namjoon's attention."
“She just suddenly clung her arms around me when we were in front of a shop—we didn’t link arm that long. We’re not even that close.”
So that what Namjoon meant by yesterday....
"The girls said she likes him although Namjoon's response always cold to her. See right there? That's what I mean." Hoseok points to Namjoon who seems upset and looks like he ready to snap. "Sometimes she would went too far and Namjoon would snap at her and she would cried in public, blaming that it was his fault."
What?
"Just what kind of question did she ask that made Namjoon upset?" Yoongi curiously eyeing Namjoon who seems holding his rage by patiently answer her by a forced smile. Ouch. That must be tiring.
Hoseok lets out an awkward laugh before he asks, "Promise me you won't be surprised after I said it." Yoongi furiously nods and shows him his pinky finger as promise yet his eyes never leave them. "From what I remembered, she often asks what does he think about dating someone like her and why doesn't he consider to date her. Persistently."
Yoongi grimaces in disbelief. "... how thick-faced."
The younger man cackles, "I guess that was why Namjoon doesn't want to tell you."
Maybe it is.
Maybe it's because Namjoon too troubled by her that he doesn't want Yoongi to know so it won't worry him.
Probably.
Hoseok seems notice Yoongi's facial face changed as he asks, "Do you want to stay until the class' over?"
Yoongi shakes his head, "I think I should go."
"... are you okay, Seonsaengnim? You look pale."
"This is just my face!"
But probably Yoongi actually isn't okay.
He is not okay.
It’s unknown what’s the cause of him suddenly bought a couple pack of beers on his way home, all Yoongi remembers is he came home with grunts comes out of his mouth with curses and continued even after he took a shower and slowly drinks the beer can by cans.
He just want to washes off the scene he saw not long ago with beers.
His mind doesn’t seem to be in a right state as he sent a chat to Namjoon are you busy? can you bring me take outs on your way here? and soon drank the beer again, doesn’t check his phone anymore as he busy gulping the beers down to his throat, somehow still unable to believe that the younger man actually popular with girls.
Damn, his worries about Namjoon springs to his mind again when he was about to forget about it.
After around fifteen minutes, his doorbell rings while Yoongi can hear a clacking sound of the opened door, which signaling Namjoon already here with his order, maybe, Chinese take-outs.
Wait, all he needs right now is actually Namjoon, not the food.
So Yoongi immediately dashes to front door by running with his toes and his eyes quickly catch Namjoon’s figure who is in the middle of taking his shoes off, seems grunting about something by the way his lips forming inaudible words while his hand hold the older man’s order, probably aggrieved by the way he got ordered around.
But Yoongi doesn’t care about that right now.
Namjoon seems notice Yoongi’s presence when he looks up and greets him, "Oh, good evening—whoa, Yoongi-ssi??" Before Namjoon finished his greeting, Yoongi immediately throws himself on him for a hug in front door, almost makes him falls.
The beers Yoongi drank since an hour ago has taken effect as it makes him less reserved than he used to be and he doesn’t care. Not even a bit.
He only thought of Namjoon Namjoon Namjoon and just hugs him tighter than usual.
"Yoongi-ssi? What's wrong?" Namjoon tried to grasp the situation as he drags both of Yoongi's and his body to the inside of the older man's apartment while the door behind them automatically closed. "Hey? Yoongi-ssi?"
Yoongi doesn't know what entering him at that time as he whispers "Can we just go to my room?" and plants a kiss on Namjoon's neck and bite it lightly while the younger man seems surprised, doesn't saw this coming off Yoongi.
Even Yoongi doesn't know what's wrong with him.
All he thought on that time is Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon—
"... Yoongi-ssi?" Namjoon immediately push Yoongi off him and soon throws him a stare, fails to grasp the situation he faced right now as he noticed his face reddened like a fresh tomato. "Are you drunk?"
Yoongi blinks as he tilted his head and his answers sounds more like a question, "I drunk of you?"
Namjoon frowns, "How much did you drink?" He stops Yoongi for trying to kiss him again as he looks around the living room and saw an unopened pack of beer while there are approximately ten empty cans of beers laying around on the table. "... seriously?"
Yoongi shrugs as he leans a kiss on the younger man's lips before bites his lower lip, demands him to access Namjoon's cavern. Instead of responding, Namjoon pushed Yoongi away to stop him and carries him before brought them to the older man's room—he placed the take outs on the table where the cans of beer laying around—and throws him to bed, seems annoyed that he didn't get an answer.
Ouch.
"Tell me, what's my name?"
Yoongi blinks, "Kim Namjoon?"
Namjoon pinned Yoongi on bed while his face leans dangerously close. "How old am I?"
What's with his sudden question? "Almost twenty years old."
"Did I already twenty years old?" Yoongi shakes his head. "Do I?" He shakes his head again. "Are you sober right now?" He shrugs. "Do you remember our promise?" Yoongi blinks as he slowly went oh right and Namjoon grunts, "Seriously, Yoongi-ssi, isn't it too much to always drink when you're stressed?"
Yoongi whines, “But—”
“Can’t you just talk it out to me instead of drowning yourself with beers?”
Yoongi’s lips stopped forming words.
The problem is I can’t talk this uneasiness with you!—Yoongi internally screams, frustrated that there’s no way he can say that aloud to Namjoon. He knew it isn’t right; he used beers to temporarily runs away, suddenly jumped on the younger man and forced him to do things they aren’t supposed to do as they promised. But he can’t help it; he wanted to shrugs off the uncomfortable feeling that lingers on him since he saw Namjoon a while ago.
It won’t go away.
“Say, Namjoon,” Yoongi’s hands creep onto Namjoon’s nape as he asks, “Are you tired of me?”
Namjoon’s eyes dilate in surprise, clearly flabbergasted as all he can respond was a “Huh?”
“I mean, have you ever felt uneasy of our relationship?” Yoongi’s chest tightened as he unintentionally thought of bad things about them. It is hard enough for him to pill his worries inside and the fact that he was the only one who felt it was even worse. “I’m afraid, Namjoon. I am.” The air around them suddenly felt heavy as Namjoon didn’t say anything but his gaze landed on Yoongi’s eyes, silently listening to the older man. “I-I just, I—“
So instead of answering Yoongi, Namjoon pulls him for a hug while his hands gently push his head to his chest, lightly caresses his back with pats to soothe him.
Nobody said a word after Namjoon hugged Yoongi for a while; the only thing that they can hear are their unmatched breathing sounds and the ticking clock in the older man’s room, yet none of them dare to break the silence. However, Yoongi starts to quietly sobs on Namjoon’s chest, unable to hold both of his tears and his uneasiness anymore and unintentionally let those out as tears as his breath slowly hitched.
God, he feels so weak tonight.
Yoongi tries to calm himself down while calling Namjoon as he tighten his grips on the younger man’s chest, “Namjoon?” Namjoon hums as answer. “So… uh, do you?”
The younger man’s fingers ruffle Yoongi’s hair while answers, “Did you forget that I was the one who chasing you around?” Yoongi quietly chuckles although his breathing is still damn hitched because of his sobbing. Right, how could he? “Actually, that should be my line.”
“Your—?” Yoongi looks up to face Namjoon who’s his eyes soften when he saw him. God, Yoongi’s eyelids must be so swollen right now. “But—” A kiss suddenly planted on Yoongi’s forehead. “Yah! I’m trying to ask you—” Namjoon only smiles and plants a kiss again but on Yoongi’s eyelids. “Namjoon! You little—!”
Namjoon chuckles, however, as he kisses Yoongi again on the corner of the older man’s eyes and wipes the remaining tears that smeared on the older man’s face. “Have you calmed down?”
It actually makes Yoongi taken aback.
“… I guess I did.” Yoongi finally sighs in relief as both of his chest and his shoulders suddenly feels light. Is it because of beers that made him this emotional? “I… uh, Namjoon, I-I’m sorry, okay?” He tried to untangle Namjoon’s arm off him but instead of letting it go, the younger man’s hands going down to his waist and intertwined his fingers so Yoongi won’t go away. “I just, damn, I swear I usually isn’t like this—”
“You sure talk a lot when you’re drunk.” Yoongi hits Namjoon’s chest, annoyed that the younger man’s annoying (and attractive) dimples cheekily appears on his face with a smug smile he hates the most. “At least you’re sober enough to remember this.”
“Thanks—”
Namjoon sighs, though. “Although you almost jumped on me.” Yoongi cringes while tries to avert his eyes, avoid an eye contact with Namjoon. Namjoon cackles, however, before he leans his forehead on Yoongi’s while cupping the older man’s face before says, “Just, please remember that I’ll always be there for you.” He pecks Yoongi’s lips and continues, “So there’s nothing you should be afraid of.”
That’s what Yoongi wants to believe.
He actually still anxious, however, as his thumbs rub Namjoon’s lips and asks for a compromise, “Can I trust you?”
Namjoon replies with an assuring nod while he grabs Yoongi’s fingers and lightly kisses his knuckles, trying to assure him. “Of course.”
Yoongi finally able to smiles although it is still weak before he pats Namjoon’s cheek and says, “Thank you.”
A smile soon follows on Namjoon’s face while he nods as a reply before he asks, “Mind if I staying the night here?”
“What about your classes?”
“I have no class tomorrow.”
Yoongi’s eyebrows question Namjoon more than his lips, “… Here?”
Namjoon quickly nods, “Can I?”
Yoongi pretends to cogitates Namjoon’s request as he cheekily smirk while utters, “You don’t kick when you sleep, do you?”
Instead of answering Yoongi, Namjoon interjects by asking “Does that mean yes?”
“Brat, I even haven’t allow you yet.” Yoongi grins, though, “Tonight’s an exception, okay? Call your parents first, though.”
So Namjoon chuckles rather bright before he nods and gets up to fishes his phone out of his pocket and calls his parents, back-facing Yoongi whom a soft smile slowly appears on his face, actually equally as excited as the younger male although he doesn’t really show it.
Maybe having a companion on his bed isn’t sound bad after all.