Work Text:
You know when you say “I will never do that” after you have watched worlds disintegrate. As you slowly succumb you think back to those moments. Wishing to turn back the clock as you dig deeper, cut sharper, slowing peeling back your hurt and torment. Knowing in the end it won’t do anything. Also knowing that even if you could go back, it won’t make a difference anyways because it will still happen. Possibly not in the same way.
Maybe you will light a match and slowly watch as it engulfs your being. Smouldering. Crawling across your skin, leaving red marks. Opening your wounds to the toxic smog that surrounds you. As that toxicity slowly saturates your insides leaving you gasping for breath. Unable to call out.
You might be on the straight and narrow journey of life. As your dismantling life drags you to the side. Drawing you closer and closer to the edge of no return. Maybe you try to adjust. You go too far, swerving and spinning out of control. Leaving you ditched and broken. Crying for help. But, you are in the wilderness, isolated, with no help to be found.
You might make a wrong turn. Coming across a cliff that wasn’t supposed to be there. You turn back to make your way back. Faced with a flurry of wind slowly pushing you back. To teeter on the edge, trying to stay upright. You slip and strain for something to help stabilize you. You don’t want to fall.
I am on that edge. Not wanting to fall. It seems like my time is up, as the loose gravel leaves me with nothing to hold. As the weight of my burdens pull me down. I can see no help. All who could, left me. As I turn down the path no one knew was there. They thought that I knew my way. I am on a path, I want to leave. Unable to turn back, scared to leave it for the unknown. In case the path I choose is worse.