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“Juuuude.” Cardan called for his wife from where he was, sprawled on their bed, but alone.
“What is it now?” Despite her words, Jude’s tone was amused, as if seeing her husband being so needy was funny to her. Well, it was.
“Come back to bed.” He complained in a childish tone. “You’ve been coming and going for a while now, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.” Jude sighed, idly looking through the window.
“At least try to sound convincing while lying.”
Jude had to chuckle. “Will you quit whining if I tell you?”
“That, and if you come back to bed.” He added, raising his hand in her direction. “Whatever you’re thinking of, it’s clearly bothering you. Allow me to comfort you.”
Jude finally looked away from the window and walked towards the bed, a smile on her face when Cardan’s tail moved in anticipation. She had learnt to understand that pretty much everything she did affected Cardan in one way or another. Just at the mere thought of sharing a bed again, the High King was already smiling like a spoiled child.
It wasn’t like Cardan hid his affections for his wife, quite the opposite. Even less in front of her. “You’re so beautiful.” He said in a whisper when Jude got rid of her nightgown.
Jude, however, tried to be a little less evident when it came to allowing her vulnerability to be seen. To her surprise, it got easy when it came to Cardan. Pretty much every single time they made love, he didn’t stop until he had worshipped every single part of Jude’s body. And he couldn’t help but enjoy Jude’s flustered face and troubled stuttering.
Once Jude made herself comfortable, her head resting on Cardan’s chest, she took a deep breath. “It’s about my sister. Taryn.” She clarified.
“What about her?”
“She’s due soon.” Jude started. “I know she will fare more than fine as a mother, I’m more worried about her future child.”
“In what sense?” Cardan asked, his voice soft, his hand threading through Jude’s hair.
“Sometimes, I fear that they turn out to be just like Locke when they grow older.” The High Queen admitted in a low tone. “Before you say anything, I know it may sound dumb.” Jude knew the chances of Taryn’s child ending up like their father were slim. They would never get to meet him in the first place, but still, the thought often haunted her mind.
“I don’t think it is.” He reassured. “Maybe Taryn shares that fear with you.”
“I thought of it, but we haven’t really talked of her baby a lot.” Jude let a sigh. “I don’t really know what to say most times. Whenever Taryn mentions I’m about to become an aunt, I just smile and get silent.”
“Are you sure that’s the only reason you’ve been awake for hours?”
Jude paused. “You’ve been getting better at reading through me.” She huffed. “This can’t be.”
“I’m quite proud of that.” Cardan teased.
With a gentle giggle, Jude went back to the Taryn topic. “The thing is, that kid would eventually have to know the reason why they will never meet their father is because their mother killed him.”
There it was, Jude’s trauma about her parents’ murder coming to the surface. Despite both of them sharing that experience, it was very different for each of them. While Cardan wasn’t fond of any of his parents, a really young Jude had loved her biological ones. While the situation of Taryn’s child was different, Jude couldn’t help but imagine how that kid would feel.
Cardan thought twice about what to say then. “One of my brothers murdered the rest of family and I think I turned out just fine.”
“Just fine?” Jude mocked. “You never were, to begin with.”
“That’s fair.” Cardan chuckled. “What I mean is, that’s shocking news for any kid, but it’s better to not have a father at all than to have a shitty one. Locke would’ve been awful as a dad anyway.”
“Most likely.” Jude had to agree. “I realize I may be overthinking things a little too much, I just want that kid to have a normal childhood. I do trust Taryn to be a good mother.”
“She wants that kid, doesn’t she?”
“She does.” The image of her heavily pregnant sister came to Jude’s mind. “If she’s happy, then that’s all there is to it. She’s still my sister, despite everything which came between us.” She kept silent for a moment. “Motherhood is what she wants, and I support her with it.”
“What about you?” Cardan’s eyes carefully examined Jude’s expression the moment he asked the question. “Have you ever thought about becoming a mother?”
Jude’s eyes went wide open. Again, he had caught her off guard. “I– well–”
“Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not suggesting anything.” The High King hurried to clarify. “I just got curious and wanted to know if you had any thoughts on it.”
There was a long pause as Jude took the time to properly voice her views on the matter. “Honestly, I don’t know.” She finally said, speaking nothing but the truth. “I suppose I’m not averted to the idea, but as of now, I’m not ready to take care of a child. Maybe I will be in the future, or maybe not, I have no idea.”
“That’s fine.” Cardan lovingly kissed her hair. “Time will tell.”
“What about you?” Jude raised her head then, meeting her husband’s eyes.
“I won’t tell you.” He teased.
Jude frowned a little then. “Why not?”
“I don’t want you to base that decision on whether I want children or not.” Cardan explained. It wasn’t like Jude was going to do whatever he wished – she never did, and he never expected her to, but that was the kind of decision that tended to be conditioned by what the other part wanted. “Whenever you have a clearer idea of what you want, then maybe I’ll tell you.”
“That’s not fair.” Despite her words, Jude wasn’t angry. A little frustrated, maybe. Her face had turned into a pout Cardan found so pretty.
“Jude.” He practically begged, unable to resist her. “Allow me to keep this for myself.” He tried to tone down her frustration with a kiss. “For now, at least.”
Jude’s head tilted. “For now.” She repeated his words, leaning in and giving him another kiss. “Thank you for listening to me.”
“Anytime, my love.” Cardan pulled her in a loving hug. “Anything so you don’t leave our bed ever again.”
Jude chuckled fondly against her husband’s lips, matching his lovesick smile before pulling him into another kiss. Cardan was open and unashamedly down bad for her, but the High Queen was just as hopelessly in love with him as the High King was with her. She never thought she would be, but Jude wouldn’t have it any other way.