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The grave soul keeps its own secrets, and takes its own punishment in silence.
You’re absolutely exhausted. It’s been two weeks since you’ve slept in your own bed, and you swear you’ve got a permanent pulled muscle in your back from hunching over old files for days on end. You almost cried with relief when the case you had been sent away for was finally wrapped up.
JJ had called you earlier to let you know that they had arrested Doyle, and that he had died when they rescued Declan. It’s a small mercy, knowing that he’s gone, that he can’t take anyone else you love away.
It doesn’t take away the grief that wrings your heart raw every day. It’s been seven months. Seven months since you buried your heart alongside her casket. Even now you’re surprised that you survived. That you were able to painstakingly piece back together what remained of your shattered existence.
You’ve become an expert at pretending. Pretending that you’re okay, that the agony of having Emily ripped from your life doesn’t tear you apart anymore. You smile, laugh and throw yourself into work until the only ache you feel is the one behind your eyes from staring at a computer screen. It’s easier than facing the cold, empty space of your apartment that whispers her name every time you enter.
Every morning you stand in front of the mirror, willing yourself to believe that the hollowness in your eyes is just a trick of light. You tell yourself that you’re fine. You’re fine. You even think you might be starting to believe it, too.
Your plane lands just as the rain starts. It’s a quick dash to the car where JJ waits with the engine idling, and you’re grateful that she offered to pick you up so you didn’t have to hail a cab this late. She hums in response when you thank her, giving you an odd look as you settle back into the seat.
The ride is quiet, with only the noise of the rain pelting off the windows to break the silence. JJ doesn’t speak. Instead, her hands fidget on the steering wheel and she chews on her lip. You can feel the nervous energy radiating off her across the small space between you. She misses the turn off to your apartment, and you look over at her in question.
“JJ?”
“Yeah?”
“Where are we going?”
She pauses before answering, deliberating her words. “Emily’s apartment.”
“What?” Your heart speeds up in your chest. “Why? JJ, I’m not going back there.”
She keeps her eyes on the road, not gracing you with a response.
The panic builds inside you when you see the brownstone building in the distance, growing larger as you get closer.
“JJ,” your voice becomes frantic, “please, take me home.”
Still, she stays silent.
“JJ, stop!” Your chest starts to tighten, restricting your breathing.
“Please,” she says, “just trust me.” Through your blurry vision you notice there are tears in her eyes.
She pulls in alongside the curb, then turns off the car. You both sit in silence, waiting.
“I’m not going in there,” you declare. The building almost glows in the night, suffocating in the memories it holds.
JJ reaches over, and lays her hand on your arm. She looks at you with sympathy, but there’s also something else in her eyes that’s unsettling. “Just…give me a minute.” She steps out of the car and closes the door behind her. You watch her pull out her phone and make a call, occasionally glancing back at you in concern. You can’t even begin to make sense of what is happening.
Hanging up, JJ opens the door and leans in. “Alright, come on.”
“I told you. I’m not going in there.”
“There’s someone you have to see.”
“JJ, what the fuck is going on?”
She puts a hand over her forehead and rubs her temples.
“I know this doesn’t make any sense,” she says, “believe me, I wish there was an easier way to do this. But honestly,” she pauses, eyes trailing over your face, “I don’t think any way is going to be easy.”
“Okay, now you’re scaring me. Just tell me!”
“Please,” she begs, “it’s something you have to see for yourself.”
“Fuck this. Fine.” You rip off your seatbelt and get out of the car, making sure to slam the door behind you. You storm towards the entrance, JJ running to catch up.
“Hey,” she calls from behind you, “slow down.”
You pull the door open to the building and wait for her to catch up.
“I want to get whatever this is over with, JJ.”
She nods and moves past you, choosing to take the stairs instead of the elevator. You’re not complaining, happy not to be trapped in close quarters with her right now.
Exiting the stairwell, JJ continues down the hall, and you hang back, unable to make your feet move. When JJ realises you’re not behind her, she backtracks and gently takes your hand, pulling you along with her until you reach the door. She doesn’t knock. Instead she quietly turns the handle and enters, not letting go of you. She pulls you inside, ignoring your struggling as you try to free yourself. Your heart jumps into your throat as you pass the threshold, bombarded by the painfully familiar smell. She leads you down the hallway, and your breathing becomes more and more panicked the further you go. You try to keep your eyes forward, to not take in the fact that everything is exactly how she left it. You start to struggle in earnest the deeper you get into the apartment. The sight of the bedroom door ajar makes you seize up.
“JJ,” you beg, voice strained by tears, “why are you doing this?”
She pauses her tugging of your body, and turns to face you. Emotions play across her face as she takes in the pain on yours. Dropping your hand, she looks back at the bedroom before facing you again. Her jaw clenches before she steps towards you and places her hands on your shoulders, gently guiding you to stand in front of her. You can’t help but feel trapped, like she’s purposefully standing between you and the only path of escape.
You look past her shoulder to the front door, contemplating whether or not to make a run for it. As if reading your mind, JJ turns you by your shoulders, facing you away from the exit.
“Go,” she says softly, nodding her head towards the cracked open door, “she’s waiting.”
“Who is?”
JJ doesn’t answer, instead she gently pushes you forward. You take a step, then look back at her. Frowning at the strange look in her face, you turn away and slowly make your way to the bedroom. You pause before entering, your hand on the door, the familiar feel of the wood under your fingertips. Looking back at JJ, you see she’s retreated to the front door.
“I’ll be outside,” she says, her voice quiet.
Bracing yourself, you take in a steadying breath before slowly pushing the door open, flinching at the creak it makes in the silence.
Tentatively, you step inside. Rain lashes against the glass, the room lit only by the faint glow of the street lamps below. Someone stands at the window, their back to you. Your stomach drops in recognition, even though she’s yet to turn around. For a moment, you’re certain she's a hallucination, conjured by your grief-stricken mind.
“Emily?” you whisper.
At the sound of her name she turns, disbelief written across her features, as if you’re the one who’s come back from the dead.
“You came,” she breathes. Her eyes meet yours with such intensity that it pierces through the darkness.
Something painful twists in your chest at the sight of her, and a hot rush of blood spreads through your body to buzz in your ears. It’s as if part of you is drifting away, trying to escape to somewhere that makes more sense. It's only the static buzzing of your extremities that keeps you loosely tethered to your body. None of this feels real. It can’t be real.
The nervous smile on Emily’s face shifts into a look of concern as she gauges your reaction. Her lips move in a shape that resembles your name, but all you hear is static. There's hesitation in the way she moves, as if she's not quite sure how to approach you. She takes a tentative step forward and you take an unsteady one back. You keep moving until your back hits the door frame. Emily goes to move forward again but you hold your hand out in front of you.
“Don’t.” You almost jump at the sound of your own voice, as if it doesn’t belong to you.
You’re not sure if she even heard the whispered word over the sound of the rain, but she did. The look in her eyes says it all. Her shoulders slump in defeat, and a flash of light from a passing car highlights the tremble in her jaw. For the first time since you arrived, she takes her eyes off you, futilely trying to blink back the tears that fall from her lashes. Taking advantage of her momentary distraction, you turn your back to her and grip the door handle. You can feel the numbness giving away to the panic it had been suppressing, and the urge to run is overwhelming. Before you can slip away you hear Emily call your name, and the desperation in her voice is like a vice around your heart.
“Please,” she cries, “don’t go.”
Instinctively, you freeze. Even after all the time, you’re still at her mercy. You feel her presence as she moves behind you, and suddenly your hand is in hers. The feeling of her touch almost breaks you entirely. You can’t turn around. You know if you lay your eyes on her again you won’t be able to look away. It’s all too much. The swirling pit of emotions at war with each other inside of you are close to breaching the surface. You’re at a loss as to what to feel, what to think. As much as it hurts to pull your hand free from hers, you know you have to leave. You can’t wait around to find out what will happen if you stay. What you might say, or do, with the mess your head is in.
Yanking yourself away from her hold, you bolt out of the apartment without looking back. Through your tunnel vision, you’re barely aware of JJ waiting in the hall as you brush past her. Faintly, you hear her call out for you, but you don’t stop. Everything is a blur until you step on to the sidewalk, out into the freezing rain. Each drop feels like ice as it hits your skin. The cold seeps through your clothes, chilling your bones, and you’re grateful for the distraction it provides. For a moment you just stand there with closed eyes, taking in your first proper breath since you arrived. Then you start walking. You don’t know where you’re going, just that you need to be as far away as possible. Your phone starts ringing in your pocket, and continues to do so on and off until it eventually stops.
By the time you’ve come back to yourself, you’re completely drenched and your hands are blue. You shiver as you take in your surroundings, quickly become aware that you have no idea where you are. Some random, nondescript part of town. You sit down on a nearby park bench and pull your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. Your phone begins to ring again, and you fish it out of your pocket. The screen illuminates the darkness around you, showing the same number over and over. You know you should answer, but the words remain lodged in your throat. You don’t want to have to face anyone. Especially not JJ. Anger begins to bubble up inside of you at the thought of her. How long had she known? All these months she had spent convincing you to open up to her now feels tarnished.
You think of Emily. Of the relief on her face when she saw you. Relief that quickly turned to hurt. Despite the anger and confusion, you can’t help the guilt you feel about how you had dismissed her. The look in her eyes when you did. The sound of her voice when she begged you not to leave. You press your forehead against your knees, trembling as the reality of the situation finally hits you. Emily’s alive. It’s impossible to comprehend. You cry into the drenched fabric of your jeans, the tears freezing as they hit your cheeks.
Eventually, you drag yourself upright and pull your phone from your pocket, ignoring the countless missed calls from JJ. Opening up maps, you see the little dot that is you, lost in a sea of unfamiliar streets. Your apartment is a few miles away, but you don’t call a cab. You need to walk this off.
You start the long trek back home, each step feeling heavier than the last. You’re so cold that you’re starting to feel numb, and it’s becoming difficult to keep your legs moving. The sidewalks are deserted at this time of night, the rain heavy enough that it obscures the street signs. You’re so lost in thought that you almost miss the turn that leads you back home. As you continue you finally make it back to your building, the light from the windows of other apartments spilling out on the sidewalk.
Stumbling through the doors, the sudden change in temperature makes your skin tingle and your teeth chatter even more. The elevator seems to take forever and you lean against the rail. The mirrored walls reflect a ghostly image of yourself that you barely recognize. Your skin is alarmingly pale, making the shadows under your bloodshot eyes stand out even more. When the doors finally open, you drag your feet down the hallway, leaving wet footprints on the carpet behind you.
Raising your head, you see a figure sitting against the door of your apartment. As you get closer, you blink away the haze from your eyes and your tired heart stills when you realise it’s Emily. She looks up at the sound of your approach, her eyes widening with relief as she sees you. You try to compose yourself, to hide the tremors wracking your body, but it’s a lost cause. She’s already on her feet, the look of relief quickly turning into one of concern when she sees the state you’re in. She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out. You meet her eyes and it’s obvious she’s been crying.
“What are you doing here?” You mumble, focusing on trying to get your frozen hands to cooperate with your keys instead of looking at her.
Her hands twitch and you can tell she’s trying to stop herself from helping you as you clumsily put the key in the lock.
“You just left. You wouldn’t answer JJ calls.”
“I don’t want to talk to her,” you affirm.
Emily’s voice drops, “And you don’t want to talk to me, either.”
Finally you get the door open, but you don’t go inside. The defeat in Emily’s voice makes the guilt resurface.
You shake your head, still unable to bring yourself to look at her. “It’s not that. It’s just…what am I supposed to say to you?
“Anything,” she answers, “just don’t run again, please.”
You push the door open and step inside. You pause for a moment, deliberating, before you finally get the courage to turn around and look at her. The fact you haven’t shut the door on her has her hopeful, and you can’t bear to disappoint her again. Stepping aside, you hold the door open for her. Emily freezes, as if she can’t believe you’re not pushing her away.
“Are you going to come in?” you ask.
Like she’s jolted out of a stupor, she quickly moves past you into your apartment. She doesn’t waste any time, like she thinks you’ll rescind your invitation any second.
Closing the door, you take a minute to breath before starting to remove your soaked jacket with trembling hands. You feel Emily move close behind you as she reaches out to help. You jump when you feel her hands on your shoulders, but you don’t pull away. She slips the heavy jacket off your shoulders, and a shiver runs through you when her fingers inadvertently brush against your skin.
“You’re freezing,” she whispers, the warmth of her breath against your skin.
You nod, the cold having settled deep into your bones.
“I’ll grab you a towel,” she says, voice tentative.
She retreats to the bathroom and you close your eyes. The sound of a door opening and closing echoes down the hallway, along with the muffled sounds of cabinets being rummaged through. You take the opportunity to lean against the wall and try to compose yourself. The warmth of the apartment is slowly seeping into your bones, but the chill inside you remains.
When Emily returns, she holds out one of your large, fluffy towels. You take it from her with a small smile, finally meeting gaze. Her eyes are filled with worry and something else, something that makes your heart ache. You’ve hurt her, and you’re not sure how to fix it when you’re overwhelmed with hurt yourself.
“Thank you,” you murmur, wrapping the towel around your shoulders.
“Can I get you anything?” she asks, voice unsure.
You shake your head, unable to form words. Her cheeks flush slightly, and she bites her lower lip. The silence between you stretches on, filled with unsaid words and unanswered questions. Her eyes are still on you, searching, pleading. You know she’s waiting for you to say something. You just don’t know where to start.
“Emily,” you begin, voice cracking as your words come up blank.
She takes a step closer, her own voice shaking. “I know this is a lot to take in. I just need you to know that I’m sorry. So sorry for everything. I never meant for it to happen like this.”
You look down at the floor, avoiding her gaze. The words cause the past seven months of painful memories to resurface, and you don’t know if you can forgive her. The silence stretches between you, thick and heavy.
“How?” you finally ask, the words forced through the chattering of your teeth, “how is this possible?”
Emily’s eyes glisten, and she takes a deep breath before speaking, “I’ll tell you everything, I promise, but we need to get you warmed up first.”
Taking in her words, you nod, unsure if you could even handle the information right now with the state you’re in.
Gently, Emily leads you to the couch and urges you to sit. She starts to peel off your drenched shirt, but you flinch at the contact. She stops immediately, giving you space.
“Let me help?” she asks softly.
After a moment you nod, your shivering too overwhelming to allow you to protest. Emily quickly pulls the wet shirt over your head and the cold air bites at your skin. She wraps the towel around your shoulders and sits beside you, drawing you closer to the warmth of her body. You hesitate for a moment before leaning into her, letting the warmth of her embrace seep into you.
She’s trying to be gentle, but you can feel the tremble in her hands as she rubs your arms, trying to bring the warmth back to your body. Her eyes are soft and filled with concern as she looks at you.
“Come on,” she says quietly, taking your hand and leading you to the bedroom. You’re too numb to do anything but follow. Emily goes to the closet, pulling out some dry clothes and laying them on the bed for you. Carefully, she helps you get changed, her touch professional and focused.
Once you’re dressed, she guides you into the bed and pulls the blankets up to envelop you. You lay there, shivering as she watches you with a helpless expression. Freeing an arm from the cocoon of blankets, you hold a trembling hand out to her. You see a battle of emotions cross her face before she takes your hand and climbs under the covers. You press your body to hers, and she wraps her arms around you, sharing her warmth. The heat from her embrace spreads through your body, chasing away the chill that had settled.
For a moment, it's just the two of you, nestled in the warmth of your shared body heat. The sound of the rain outside makes you press yourself even closer to her. You’re not sure how long you lay there, bodies intertwined, but gradually the tremors begin to ease. The cold retreats from your body, and each breath you take is deeper, less forced. The fog in your heads starts to clear, and the numbness in your body fades as your blood starts to flow properly again.
Emily’s hands are warm as they rub circles against your back, and your head rests against her chest so that you can hear her heartbeat. The warmth of her body works its way through yours, and her arms around you feels like salvation. With a gentle touch, Emily slowly pulls back, her eyes searching yours for any signs of the panic that had you bolting into the night away from her. You manage a small smile, trying to convey that you’re okay, that you’re here with her now. She manages a tired smile back, one that’s tinged with sadness.
Reaching out, your cold hand finds its way to her cheek. The contrast between your icy fingertips and her warm skin makes her gasp. You go to pull your hand away, but she quickly reaches up to hold it in place. With light fingers, you rub your thumb over her cheekbones, feeling the heat of her blush as she leans into the touch. The intimacy of the moment is palpable, and you’re aware of every inch of her body pressed against yours.
“I’ve missed you so much,” you whisper, eyes desperately roaming her face.
Her eyes well up with tears. “I’ve missed you too. Every single day.”
You can’t stop looking at her. Even now, you can’t believe this is real.
“How are you here?” you whisper, tracing her face with your fingertips.
Her eyes search yours, and you can see she’s thinking about how to translate the past seven months into words.
Slowly, she begins to unravel what it had been like for her. How she had woken up in the hospital alone. That when JJ eventually came to see her, you and the team had already been told she was dead. Her hands tremble as she recounts the moment she realised the truth - that she was alive, but to you, she was gone. The pain etched across her face, the way she describes her time spent in isolation, makes your heart ache with familiarity.
The air in the room is thick with emotion as the puzzle of the past seven months is pieced together. You listen intently as she speaks about the day she was told she could come back. A moment of bittersweet victory, tinged with fear and doubt. The decision she had to make, about whether to step back into a world where she had been mourned and laid to rest.
“I didn’t know if you’d want me back,” she says in a tremulous voice, the words barely above a whisper. Her eyes avoid yours, but you can still see the hurt in them. “I was afraid of what you’d think of me. After everything that happened, after everything I did,” her voice is so small, so vulnerable, so unlike the Emily you knew. “Everyone believed I was gone. I was stuck halfway around the world, and all I could think about was if you had moved on.” Her eyes search yours for any hint of the answer that she desperately needs to hear.
Emily’s confession is raw and painful, and you can see the weight of guilt etched across her face. You take her hand, entwining her fingers with yours, feeling the warmth of her skin and the life beneath it.
You lean closer, heart aching. “Emily, nothing could ever change the way I feel about you,” you reply firmly, stroking her tear stained cheek, “you’re the love of my love. There’s no moving on from that.”
Her eyes flicker with hope as she looks at you, searching for the truth in your words. You can feel the tension in her body, the way she’s holding herself so carefully, as if she’s trying not to scare you away. So you do the only thing you can think of to ease her worry - you lean in and press your lips to hers.
The kiss is tentative at first, as if you’re both afraid the other will vanish. When she realises your lips aren’t leaving hers, her arms tighten around you and pull you closer. You can feel the warmth of her body seeping into yours, driving away the cold that’s been consuming you for months - ever since you thought she was gone. The feeling of her kiss is even better than you remembered, it’s like coming home. Her scent surrounds you, a mix of rain and something that’s uniquely her. Something that brings back a flood of emotion you thought you’d never get to experience again. She gasps as your hands find their way under her shirt. The chill of your fingers against the heat of her skin sending a shiver down her spine.
Her hands slide down to toy with the hem of your shirt, and she pulls it slowly over your head when you nod at the wordless question. Hers is next to go, and you’re both left staring at either other, trembling, but now for entirely different reasons. Her eyes are dark with need, and you know you’re looking at her with the same desperation. The heat of her body is like a lifeline, drawing you closer. Your skin meets hers and there’s a jolt of electricity at the contact, every nerve ending set alight. Emily's hands move across your body with a gentle urgency, as if she’s afraid you’ll break. It’s not enough. You need her closer, to feel her warmth, the connection. You don’t know what comes next, but you know that you can’t let go. You need this moment to last, to be burned into your memory in case you lose her again.
Emily seems to sense your need for reassurance, and she presses herself closer, the heat of her hands like a brand against your skin. You feel yourself giving into the familiar comfort of her touch, and you wrap your arms around her waist. Pulling her closer, she moans softly into your mouth. Your hands trace the lines of her body, rememorizing every curve and dip. She kisses you deeper, her body moulding to yours. The heat the builds isn’t just physical, it’s something that’s been missing from your life ever since she’s been gone.
Her mouth moves from your lips to neck, nipping and sucking lightly, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. You arch into her touch, unable to hold back the moan that escapes you. Her hands find the waistband of your pants and you feel her fingers dip beneath the fabric, caressing the skin of your hip.
Her eyes search yours, looking for permission, for some sign that you’re ready to let her in. You nod, and press your lips against hers, giving her the invitation she needs. Her hand comes up to tangle in your hair as she kisses you. This time it’s deeper, more urgent, as if she’s trying to melt the ice that has formed around your heart with the heat of her mouth. And for a moment, it works.
But suddenly, the reality of the situation hits you. The panic you thought had subsided claws at the edges of your consciousness, and you pull back, your eyes flying open. You expect to see the space empty beside you, the room still and cold, but she’s still there. Real, warm, and tangible. Emily looks at you with confusion and concern. She presses her hand over the skin of your chest, feeling your heart race.
“What’s wrong?” she whispers, her breath a warm caress against your skin.
"What if…" the words catch in your throat, but you force them out, "what if you're not real? What if I wake up and you're gone again?" The fear is palpable in your voice.
Emily's eyes soften, and the confusion in her face turns to something that looks a lot like heartbreak. She cups your cheek, thumb wiping away a tear that had escaped. “I’m real,” she whispers, voice steady despite the tremble in her hands, “I’m right here.”
Her words don’t immediately erase the fear, but you cling to them, willing your racing heart to slow down. You take a deep breath, and she repositions herself so that her chest is pressed against yours. You can feel her heartbeat against your own, and it offers reassurance, a sign that she’s really here.
But the doubt is a stubborn beast, clawing at the edges of your mind. You wrap your arms around her waist and hold her against you, needing to be certain she won’t slip away. “Prove it,” you whisper, grazing your lips against hers, “prove to me that you’re real.”
Emily’s eyes search yours, understanding the desperation behind your words. She leans in, breathing you in for a moment, before she kisses you again. You can feel the emotion through her lips, the love and longing she has held on to for so long. Her hands roam your body, firm in their touch. “Feel me,” she murmurs against your lips, “taste me. I’m here.”
The kiss grows more intense, teasing her tongue into your mouth, as if she’s trying to prove her existence. The doubt begins to fade, but you don’t loosen your grip, still not certain that she will not vanish like a mirage. You’ve missed her so much it hurts. The way her body fits against yours, the way she responds to your touch. The sensation fills the void that’s been inside of you since she’s been gone.
Emily takes control, her movements slow and deliberate, wanting you to feel every part of her touch. You feel her heat, her desire, and it’s intoxicating. Her mouth trails down your neck, biting gently at your collarbone, teeth scraping your skin. You can feel the desperation in her touch, the need to prove that neither of you are going anywhere. Your hands find their way to her hair, tangling in the soft strands as you pull her closer, unable to get enough of her.
Her hands slide down to your waist, hooking her fingers into the waistband of your pants. You feel the fabric give way as she slides them down your legs, the cold air making you shiver. She runs her palms over your thighs, warming them with her touch. You pull her back towards you, and her tongue traces the line of your jaw before capturing your lips. She takes her time ravishing your mouth with hers, then pulls back for air with a gasp. Pressing her forehead against yours, she takes a moment to breath you in, then leans back and straddles you. Her eyes don’t leave yours and you can see the hunger in the darkness of them.
Slowly, she leans down, her hair falling around you like a curtain, and kisses you again. Her tongue delves into your mouth, tasting you as if she could never have enough. You moan against her lips, hands finding her breasts and teasing the peaks with your fingertips. She groans at the sensation, and begins to rock her hips against you, the friction sending sparks of pleasure shooting through your body. You can feel the wetness building between your legs in response, and you raise your hips up to meet hers, desperate for the contact.
Emily trails her hand down your chest, hands exploring your bare skin, before she dips her fingers into the waistband of your underwear and traces the sensitive flesh beneath. You gasp as her fingers find your clit, teasing it with a gentle touch, your body responding in a way it hasn’t in so long. Her hand slides further down and she cups your sex with her warm palm, before sliding her fingers inside you. You’re wet and ready for her, and the feel of her touch is like coming alive again. Emily’s eyes never leave yours, pupils blown as she watches you. Her movements grow more insistent, and she leans down to kiss you deeply, her fingers curling inside you.
You feel the heat in your core building rapidly, the warmth from her touch spreading to fill every part of you. The fear of losing her is replaced by the overwhelming need to feel her completely. Her lips move your neck, running her tongue along your throat, feeling the moan you let out vibrate through your skin. She kisses her way down to your chest and pulls a nipple into her mouth, making you to clench around her fingers. You feel her hips jerk in response, and she releases your breast, panting into your skin as she rubs her palm against your clit.
Regaining focus, her mouth travels down your body, leaving hot, wet kisses along the way. You feel her pause as she approaches the apex of your thighs, her breath hot and ragged against your skin. She looks up at you, eyes searching for permission. Unable to form words you nod instead, heart hammering in your chest. She retracts her fingers from where they’re buried and it’s impossible to hold back the whine that escapes you at the loss. She lays a kiss to your hip in apology, before pulling the obstructing fabric away from where you need her most. You lift your hips, helping her remove the last barrier between you.
Leaning back, Emily smooths her hands along the insides of your thighs, parting your legs for her. Looking down at you with dark eyes, the sight of you spread out for her makes the grip she has on your thighs tighten almost painfully. Your breath hitches in your throat when she leans in and runs her tongue teasingly across the crease of your hip. Reaching down, you wrap your hand around the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair. You feel her smile against your skin, before she relents and presses her hot, open mouth against you.
Her tongue slides along your wetness with a hunger that sends shockwaves through your body. She’s soft and gentle with her kisses at first, as if she’s savouring the taste. You can’t hold back the moan that builds in your chest and she groans in response, tightening her grip as if she can’t get enough. You arch your back in a silent plea for more and Emily responds eagerly, stroking and teasing until you’re a mess beneath her. She looks up at you with hungry eyes and you whimper at the sight. Her mouth becomes more deliberate, more focused, and you feel the beginnings of your orgasm building in your stomach.
You need to be closer, to feel her body against yours. Against your body's protest, you pull her away, and she looks up with confusion.
“Come here,” you whisper.
Emily’s eyes soften with understanding. She doesn’t hesitate, sliding back up your body and intertwining her legs with yours. Your hands find their way into her hair, pulling her down to kiss her deeply. She presses her thigh between yours and you gasp into her mouth, rocking your hips up into hers. Your hands roam hungrily over her body before finding her breasts, squeezing and rolling her nipples between your fingers. She whimpers into your mouth, her body moving against yours, desperate for friction. The fabric of her underwear is the only barrier between you, and you reach down, sliding your hands beneath the waistband. She tenses for a moment before relaxing and helps you pull them down her legs, leaving her completely bare before you. You can’t help but stare, taking in every inch of her, committing it to memory. There’s a burning heat in her eyes as she does the same.
Her eyes never leave yours as she positions herself over you, shifting her hips so she straddles your thigh. You both gasp as her wetness meets your leg, the heat of her sending shocks of pleasure through you. She presses her body against yours and begins to roll her hips against you, eyelashes fluttering at the sensation. Your hands roam over her body, pulling her closer, guiding her movements. You move with her, matching her rhythm, and kiss her desperately. Her breasts press against yours, and you feel the hammering of her heartbeat against your chest. Your hands greedily travel over every inch of her you can reach, feeling the tension coil in her muscles as she grinds against you.
Emily’s movements become more frantic, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she rides your thigh. The room is filled with the sounds of your muffled moans, the slide of skin against skin. Her nails dig into your shoulders, and the pain is a sweet reminder that she’s really here. Your breath hitches in your throat as her thigh slides perfectly against your clit, and your grip tightens on her hips. You can feel the tremors that run through her body as she gets closer and closer to the edge, and the feeling quickly drives you closer as well. The pressure building inside you is unbearable, the pleasure so intense it’s almost painful. Emily’s thighs tighten around you, and you know she’s close, so with one desperate roll of your hips you press your thigh firmly against her. She cries out, body tensing under your hands as she comes against you.
The sound of her voice, the feeling of her wetness dripping against your skin, quickly makes you follow her over the edge. Your orgasm crashes through your body and you lock your legs around Emily’s thigh, keeping her pressed against you.
For a moment you're lost in the sensation, the warmth of her body, the slickness of your skin together. Emily’s breath is hot against your neck, her body still trembling from the force of her release. You hold her close, feeling your hearts pound against each other. Stroking her back gently, you feel the tension slowly ease from her muscles. As the heat you had built dissipates, you pull the blanket up around you both, keeping out the chill that lingers in the air.
The rain outside has slowed to a gentle drizzle, and you both lay on your sides, pressed as close as possible, breathing each other in. The intimacy of the moment is overwhelming, a stark contrast to the cold, empty months that came before. You bury your face in her neck, inhaling the scent of her skin, feeling the rapid beat of her pulse beneath your lips. You know you can’t hold onto this forever, but you’ve learnt that right now is what matters. Pulling back, you let your eyes roam over her face. Emily’s eyes are closed, a small smile playing across her lips. You lean in, placing a soft kiss against the corner of her mouth. Her eyes flutter open and she looks at you with a mix of satisfaction and something deeper, something that makes your heart ache.
Emily takes a shuddering breath. “I’ve missed this,” she admits, “I’ve missed you.”
Your eyes begin to sting at the emotion in her voice. “I’ve missed you too.”
You kiss her again, feeling the last of the doubt melt away. She cups your cheek, wiping away the tears that have slipped down your face.
"I’m not going anywhere," she whispers, her voice filled with a gentle promise.
You believe her, or at least you want to. Pulling her closer, your limbs tangle together as you seek the warmth and comfort of her embrace. The rain outside is a soothing backdrop to the quiet whispers of your breaths. Emily’s arms are tight around you, her fingers digging into your skin as if she, like you, is afraid that this is all too good to be true. You close your eyes, letting the warmth of her body seep into yours, chasing away the last of the cold. Her breath is warm against your neck, and you feel her kiss the sensitive spot just below your ear. You let your eyes close, the gentle stroking of her hand on your skin calming you enough to let the exhaustion of the day overcome you.
As you drift between wakefulness and sleep, Emily whispers into your hair, barely audible over the soft patter of the rain. "I’ll never leave you again."
The conviction in her words spreads a warmth to your chest. With her breath warm against your skin, and her arms secure around you, you fall asleep with her promise ringing in your ears.