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There weren't many moments when Aegon felt truly good.
He might have acted like he did. Frankly, because he tried to persuade himself, rather than others, that he believes he likes it. That he likes being a king. That he likes having power. That he likes being in the centre of attention. The truth is that he wanted the attention of people who matter to him and from those he got absolutely none. And when he did, it was always scolding.
Not to say he didn't enjoy being the king. He did, at times. But deep down he knew it is not where his desires lay. He would give up the crown without hesitation if it meant he would be seen as a person and not just as an heir to the throne. Being a king feels even more lonely than being the least favourite child.
Aegon was laying in his bed. The sheets covering him from the waist down. A white shirt opend, showing his pale chest. He was looking out the window. The sun was shining brightly but he felt cold. The castle always feels cold. The room was empty and quiet. It felt calm, even though they were in the middle of fighting a war.
Aegon sighed theatrically letting his arms fall down on bed from his chest, even though he's alone. Fucking war. It took away from him everything he likes the most.
Two things he truly likes, to be exact. First being carelessly riding Sunfyre without thinking about who could attack him and where. He misses the adrenaline. He misses Sunfyre understanding him even though his High Valyrian is shit. Sometimes he thinks his dragon is the only one who cares for him. Sometimes. Because the second thing he misses is Jacaerys.
Jace and his relationship was weird. But again, he's a Targaryen and he came to realize that all his relationships are doomed to be weird.
After Jace fled to Dragonstone with his mother and siblings, the castle feels even colder. And his bed is almost freezing. Jace was the one who always made it warm and somehow pleasant.
How it came to be, Aegon didn't exactly know. It would be a lie if he said that his pathetic ass wasn't drunk when they first kissed and had sex. But it didn't matter because Jace took good care of him. He always did.
There was something about giving away control. Not caring about anything anymore, in that one moment. It that moment he was the centre of attention. The centre of Jace's attention. He was being taken care of. And that's precisely what Aegon always wanted.
Jace wanted him and he knew it was real. He liked things about Aegon, even if he found it disturbing. Aegon wanted to believe it was because he's a boy. But deep down he knew it was because he's Aegon. He's insensitive and stupid. He does and says things without thinking and then, when it's already too late, he realises how big of an asshole he is. He makes promises to himself to act better. Then he forgets. And the cycle repeats.
Still. Jace was coming back to him. Not to any other boy in the kingdom, when he could have easily found someone in the brothel or even amongst servants. Jace was choosing him. Every. Time.
He wouldn't dare to even think he was loved. He learnt that the hard way. Not his mother. Not his father. Not his grandfather. Not his siblings - his wife. No one. Nobody ever told him they loved him. Even when he asked. So he stopped asking.
But he doesn't want to think about it. He already does that way too often. What he wants to think about right now are the sweet words falling from Jace's mouth when they last beded together. Even if he didn't mean them. It doesn't matter. They felt real. And very rarely Aegon hears something real, he came to realize since becoming a king.
"Your skin is so soft." Jace's lips traced sweet kisses along his forearm starting from his wrist and going up to his collar bone. He bit the sensitive spot above and a shaky breath left Aegon's mouth. The silver haired boy felt the smile on Jace's mouth when he left a kiss under his ear. "I want to make it red and bruised." He whispered.
Aegon's hips buckled up a little as he gasped quietly. He traced with his fingertips the places on his body where Jace could be touching him. His chest, his nipples, his neck. Jace adored his neck. His right hand slid down his stomach and he grabbed the growing bulge in his pants. A hiss escaped his mouth.
"You can do to me whatever you please." Aegon breathed. He grabbed Jace's hair and pulled his face closer to his own. "You can scalp my whole body and take the skin as a souvenir, for all I care." He said, his eyes fixed on Jace's mouth. Hungry. He kissed him like there was no tomorrow.
Little did he know, there was no tomorrow for them.
Aegon touched his lips with his fingertips and made a kissing motion. He lowered his pants with the other hand, spat in his palm and grabbed his dick. His mouth fell open at the sensation.
His mouth fell open with a silent moan when Jace let go of his cock. He was two strokes away from cumming. Bastard. He opened his eyes and growled with a disapproval.
"Be quiet. I won't give it to you that easily. You need to work for it." Jace kissed Aegon's chin and sat down on the bed next to him and leaned back onto the headboard.
Aegon rolled his eyes. "Of course," Aegon propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Jace, "the prince wasn't able to handle me. I'm so hot that the heat makes..."
"Oh shut up already you flapjaw and come here." Jace patted his naked thighs. "You can use this big mouth of yours for something much better."
Aegon wanted to protest. He wanted to argue. He liked bantering with Jace more than with anyone else. But the truth was he was so on edge, so warmed up and horny that it was hard for him to create any coherent thoughts. He only wanted to be fucked. So he listened. He quickly turned onto his knees, got closer to the black haired boy and straddle his tights. Jace grabbed his hips harshly but there was something tender underneath his touch. The way Jace looked at him gave him shivers.
Aegon shivered. His hand started moving faster. He made a circular motion on the tip of his dick, making the precum cover his palm. He moaned loudly into the empty room and his moan met with silent echo. He put his free hand on his hip bone and scratched it.
Jace dug his nails into the shin on his hips trying to steady Aegon's movements. Up and down. Each move made them both gasp. Aegon threw his head back and moaned when Jace's dick his a perfect spot. Jace didn't miss the opportunity to kiss and bite his exposed neck.
He really likes riding dragons. He laughed to himself at how stupid it was but the laugh turned into a gasp with another stroke of his hand. He bit his lip in attempt to be quite. As if anyone would care. But Jace always tried his best to keep him quiet (mostly to poor effect) because he wanted to keep their encounters in secret. Aegon didn't care, really. He got trounced for everything he did so this wouldn't be any different, he imagined. But he saw Jace cared about it and because of that, for some strange reason, he tried.
His right hand started to move faster and his left hand grabbed his neck.
Jace put a hand around his neck and pressed the sides just enough to make his head feel dizzy. "You look so pretty like this. Riding me so desperately like your life depends on it." He buckled his hips up. Aegon moan came out muffled and broken. Jace kissed his shoulder. "You're perfect, Aegon. Yeah, just like that. Faster, doll."
Aegon's hand started stroking his dick faster and faster. Moans were escaping his mouth between fast breaths. He closed his eyes tightly.
"Come one, come for me. Be a good boy and come for me." Jace squeezed his neck. He put his lips onto his earlobe and started repeating: "I love you. I love you. I love you. Iloveyou IloveyouIloveyou..."
"I love you..." Aegon whispered, his back arched and he spilled in his hand with a loud moan.
His breath was getting steady. He opend his eyes. The sun might have gotten brighter. He wiped his hand on the sheets, reached for the cup of wine standing on the bedside table and emptied it. He sat on the bed and looked out the window. Maybe they will let him ride Sunfyre today. He looked at the empty wine flagon. He's a fucking king. He thought to himself. If he wants to ride his dragon, he will. If he can't have Jace, it's the least he can have. This one moment of feeling good.
The last part of his wet thoughts wasn't a memory. Not really. More like a wishful thinking. He wanted to believe that if Jace stayed in King's Landing there would be more opportunities for him to say that to him. To say that he loved him. And that he eventually would. If only they had more time...
...but they don't. He's alone in his cold bed and they are at war with each other.
Aegon slowly got up from the bed.