Chapter Text
i. one for sorrow
Tsukishima couldn't think of anything. His father swings his hand towards him again. Hard against his skull. All that he was able to think of was to endure and get over it.
He almost hears his bone breaking. Again. And again. And again. He feels numb and hurt all at the same time.
Choking as he tries to collect himself to stand on the ground. The stale air thickens between him as the man charges against him.
He doesn't fight back. He knows it will get worse. He was wary of anything that might upset his father more.
"It's your fucking birthday, huh?" His voice was thick and intoxicated. He hears another bottle break. He winces every time the man raises his hand.
His nails grasp the counter, peeling paints, trying to grip whatever he can. Praying to every god that humans believed existed. Heat crawled through his fingertips up to his neck. Until he felt like choking. Embracing his torso felt like two fewer hands to protect himself.
He tries to avoid his father's eyes. Afraid that he would be mad. Afraid that he would look like he wanted to kill his own son.
"You killed my wife"
Tsukishima almost cried as he tried to avoid the broken shards that splashed as another bottle was thrown against the wall. Before he pleads to spare his life the man heaves a deep breath.
"You're the one..." the words were heavy on his tongue, poisonous, but never made his father guilty, "... who should've died."
A crack.
This time it wasn't his head or ribcage, but something that was sleeping deep inside him. Pulling his weight down. Breaking.
Tsukishima winces when his father's hand aims at his face, and then his toes tangle. A thud. His father falls unconscious on the ground and a shiver runs through Tsukishima's spine.
He doesn't think. It was as if his body wasn't his, collecting his limbs as he ran away.
Away.
Away.
Away from the house.
From his father.
From the pain.
His wounds sting against the harsh breeze. The musty creeps his father hangs out with asking where he'll go. The old women asks where he'd be off to on his birthday. He suffers as he carries his weight. Grazed feet on cold concrete. There were no thoughts in his aching head. Only running away for the sake of relief. of survival.
It wasn't that bad. not as bad as what his house could offer.
Anywhere would be better than close to home, anywhere at all.
He runs unaware of the time and of the path he's taking. He doesn't know if he will still be alive for the next hour. Not when there were no people or vehicles or any signs of help.
He runs with no thoughts. His sole peeling on cold concrete.
ii. two for joy
His feet were numb and his stomach almost felt like it tore a hole in his body. Tsukishima stopped, his flesh was melting as he bawled his eyes out.
Sobbing on his dirty palm. Earth is nothing. Not when it was as if Tsukishima was suspended in the void and crushed by the weights of the world at the same time.
The loud car doesn't faze him nor does the shouting.
Was it an earthquake? Tsukishima couldn't process all the stinging wounds, body aches, and the hands shaking his body.
He looks up and his eyes meet something that would probably be seen if you stare into deep space.
"What are you doing here out in the open?" It asks. Only then does Tsukishima realize it was the eyes of a man, frowning, staring back at him.
He doesn't answer. He couldn't answer. Not for the fact that his throat was dry, nor the fact that he was starving and his body was running on nothing but adrenaline.
Sweat and dirt pooled on his supposed pale skin filled with scars and wounds. Tsukishima couldn't find the words. What would an estranged man expect as an answer from a stranger he saw in the middle of, probably, nowhere?
"Are you okay?"
It may only take a nod or shake of the head but now that he sees it he's actually on a small dirty bridge far from his home. A few of the city lights are visible if he looks behind the man. He couldn't answer.
"Do you need any help?" He asks once again.
"I was afraid you'd jump off the bridge." He sees the man gaze at his bare skin with open wounds.
Tsukishima pauses for a moment and then he chuckles. Was it because he had lost it? Or was it because it was a very absurd idea?
"I don't want to die," he whispers enough for the stranger to hear.
"Do you want me to bring you to the hospital?"
Beat.
"It's my birthday today," the blond boy only mutters.
"Oh..." his mouth left to gape as if he were picking up words to say, "Happy birthday," he says like it's a goodbye.
He walks away and Tsukishima thinks it was a matter of time before he was out in danger but instead, he opens his car trunk. He definitely expected there would be a gun, although the man looked like he could never hurt even a fly.
The man looks at the mess at the back of his car. Why did he only check this shithole now? His hand ravishes the pile of shoe boxes and papers and comes back with a shirt and blanket.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what you'd prefer but it's freezing," He says, but to be frank clothes are the least of Tsukishima's worries right now.
"Why?" Thinking was too much for him. He hoped that whatever came out of his mouth at this hour made sense at the very least.
"It's... It's cold?" he struggles to work with his boundaries with Tsukishima, sure he was a stranger but it wouldn't hurt to cover him slightly right? Or was he being too nosy?
"Thanks," his thoughts stop as he reaches for the blanket, the dry blood evident on the hem of his clothes.
He gasps, "Are.. are you okay?" he doesn't know if he should reach for him or not .
"You don't even know me, i could be hurt because I tried killing someone," Tsukishima chuckles,
He didn't seem to mind, sitting on the concrete road, "I'm a great judge of character!" The man beams at him.
iii. three for a girl, (four for a boy,)
"What's your name?"
"Tsukishima"
"Happy birthday, Tsukishima"
There it goes again.
"Thanks..."
He seemed to catch up as Tsukishima trail , "It's Yamaguchi"
"Thanks, Yamaguchi"
"Do you have any birthday wish?"
"Nothing," Tsukishima shrugs. It would be too much of a bother if he even explicitly asked a stranger for something that he'd like, he doesn't think he has any of that privilege.
Before Tsukishima even realized it, he found himself sitting in the passenger seat of Yamaguchi's car, his long legs extending out the open door as Yamaguchi tended to his wounds. There was something humbling about seeing the man below him carefully brushing his gauzed hands against his skin, despite Yamaguchi being almost being on his knees, Tsukishima felt terribly small.
"How is it?" He asks Kei with the mellow voice of yellow lilies.
"Sticky," He tried to laugh, the man was doing him such a favor he could never receive anywhere else.
"Ah, there." Yamaguchi stands and rests his hand on his hips, looking at Tsukishima's knees which he bound with gauze.
The latter only looks at him, the light of the moon against the small boy's back shines against Tsukishima's eyes. It was like a halo surrounding Yamaguchi, he smiles an apologetic smile like he caused all of Kei's pain and he wishes all of it to go away.
"You won't ask?" Tsukishima pressed, wondering what his intentions would be for fixing up a stranger and trusting him enough to sit in his car.
"Ask what?"
"My wounds"
"You were hurt and I treated it," Yamaguchi only laughs at him.
"Thank you"
"I'm glad to be of help"
The boy only keeps his first aid kit while Tsukishima is left to ponder. If it was up to him he would have never done anything like this. Was it already his time on Earth? Was Yamaguchi an angel sent to ease all his pain before he dies ?
iv. five for silver, six for gold,
"Do you want to go to the beach? It's just a thirty-minute drive from here,"
"Why?"
Yamaguchi laughs again, he finds Tsukishima's curiosity such a wonder.
"It's a pretty beach, and we still have three hours left before your birthday ends." He trails, "Ah! But if you're scared or suspicious you can just not go! I'm sorry for crossing the line. I'm usually not like this!" He scratches his head, it is too late to realize he's been too nosy to Tsukishima, who was supposed to be a stranger, but his desire to help and get to know him pushes him so close to the sun.
"I don't mind. I want to see a pretty beach."
"Alright!"
No one said a word between them. Yamaguchi only drove while Tsukishima watched the flickering lights of the city fly past him. The hum of the air conditioner and the sound of the car engine fill the silence.
"Do you want to turn on the radio?" Yamaguchi hovers his hand in the console.
Kei looks at him and nods. This time he was closer to Yamaguchi with his head clearer, he could see the freckles on his cheeks and the fold of his eyes. His dark green hair was tucked in his ears and his lips were chapped and almost bleeding, probably from biting. The sound of the radio's muffled noise snaps Kei back from his trance.
He fixed his position and sat up straight, Yamaguchi chuckled at him.
"Do you like music that much? I think you spaced out"
"Music is good."
The drive ensues in silence with the blues of the radio accompanying them. In the past hour of their meeting, Yamaguchi's center of gravity has totally changed. An enigma like Tsukishima has drawn someone like him. Someone so distant but so vulnerable makes him want to pry a little deeper and longer.
Eventually, they were far from the outskirts of town and entered a boulevard. It was a beautiful night, at least Tsukishima can admit. He peeks outside the window to gaze at the clear sky. The stars scattered across, what was that constellation called again?
Yamaguchi slowly pulled over, it was such luck for them to go to the ocean with no people around. Tsukishima tries to open the car door but Yamaguchi stops him.
"Wait there." Kei complies and waits.
When he opens the door for Kei, he gives him a pair of green flip-flops. Only then does the blond boy remember he was barefoot. They walk, and Yamaguchi runs up front.
The sound of the waves gushing has calmed Tsukishima's nerves. Even if he wasn't a fan of the outdoors, he's still a fan of peace and silence, or really anything that clears his head.
The scent of the prismarine ocean clings onto both of them, and the breeze envelopes them both as they walk.
"Be careful, Yamaguchi" He says as the boy runs around the shore.
"Aren't you having fun, Tsukki?!" He yells, sprinting towards the waves that retreated into the sea.
Although shocked by the sudden nickname Tsukishima only kicks his feet, playing around the shell that slept in between the sand.
Yamaguchi on the other hand collected every inch of his thoughts and inhaled deeply, exhaling with a loud raspy scream. Tsukishima almost jumps at his place. The scream made Yamaguchi feel dazed, but also light. He laughs at himself.
"Come on! Try to release everything!"
Even though Yamaguchi was the one who suggested it, he never expected Tsukishima to draw in air in his lungs and shout so loud it rang in his ears. It was so different from his shout, it was whole and resolute.
Tsukishima sucks in his breath, and when he catches Yamaguchi's gaze he smiles at him. This caught both of them off guard, but the former didn't take back his smile. In this place at this moment, it was only Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. He didn't feel the weight in his shoulders, he hoped his smile was enough to understand he wanted to say thank you.
Yamaguchi laughs again, his laughter was free of restraint, his eyes curved in half moons and cheeks puffed and red.
"I didn't expect you to actually do it! Happy birthday, Tsukishima!"
"How many times will you say that?"
"Until you feel like it is your birthday!" He giggles.
What an idiot , Tsukishima thinks, but on the contrary he feels light. Tsukishima Kei has never felt like this before. The cramped four-cornered house he sleeps in was always a crushing cage he refused to escape. Such irony, that the waters he will be willing to drown into seemed friendly tonight.
"Do you want to walk a little longer?" Yamaguchi interrupts his thoughts, he darts his eyes across the serene ocean to see Yamaguchi smiling at him gently.
"What else can I do?"
The ocean's ebb and flow stretches at the shore and to Tsukishima's feet. The cold breeze enveloped his fragile frame.
v. seven for a secret never to be told,
"Ah! A cake!" This idea sparks a bright light behind Yamaguchi's eyes as if they've known each other for so long that it was second nature for him to just take care of Kei.
The blond boy doesn't answer, yet he finds himself again beside Yamaguchi who's driving. Humming along to the muffled music the radio emits. He feels as though he has been undulated by a compelling wave which was Yamaguchi.
After the drive, Tsukishima finds himself standing in front of a nearby store's open chiller, while Yamaguchi raves about the cakes they sold per piece. He doesn't get a say but after a whimsical second, the freckled boy already reached out his hands to give him a strawberry shortcake.
"Happy birthday, Tsukki!" He beams yet again.
The plastic plate was cold against Tsukishima's hands, he tried to observe the piece of cake which came to Yamaguchi as a slap of realization.
"Ah! I didn't ask you first! I'm so sorry. I just got so excited-"
Maybe Tsukishima likes that excitement gets the better of Yamaguchi. He chuckles and mutters a small, "Thanks"
Tsukishima believed good things always come to an end, abruptly and harshly even. The disappointment wore him out as they planned to eat at the propped table outside of the store until the rain came pouring. Ah, what is he going to do now?
"An hour left before twelve, Tsukki." Yamaguchi's voice pulls him back to reality. The rain is heavy and almost agonizing , it was something you cry to while huddled in your blanket after a fight with your father.
Tsukishima's mouth was left to gape. He didn't know what to tell the boy, nor did he know where to go.
"Do you want to come over to my house?"
It happened like a dream. Tsukishima leaning against the wall while Yamaguchi struggles to open his own damn door.
It opened to a small neat living room, the dim underlight shining against the sofa. He removes his slippers and walks in. It was warm and cozy, he never stayed in a place like this before.
"So... What do you want to do?" Yamaguchi fiddles with his fingers.
vi. eight for a wish,
"Are you sure you just want to rest up? I mean you should but, we can play a game... or something" Yamaguchi fiddles with his fingers, a red tint spread across his cheeks.
"My birthday's done anyway. You don't have to do any more favors"
"Ah! But it wasn't against my will-"
"Thank you for that. You did a lot and it's enough."
"Please, don't feel like a burden-"
"Can you sleep with me?
"What!? I mean... You're in my house... But-"
Tsukishima erupts in laughter. The freckled boy was almost as red as a strawberry, his eyes wide, and mouth gaped.
"Just sleep, doze off, a nap,"
"Ah! Oh... I mean, sure" He scratches his head.
vii. nine for a kiss,
There was only silence, and the mattress slipping through the floor. Yamaguchi has set up a small sleeping place beside his bed. Assumed that Tsukishima wanted the bed for himself.
"You'll sleep there?" Tsukishima wiggles his feet as he points to the futon beside the bed frame, Yamaguchi who was trying to tuck in the mattress only looks at him and nods.
"You'll hurt your back," Tsukishima gets up and snatches the mattress in Yamaguchi's hands, "Besides your bed is big, you won't feel my presence at all."
He tries to push. He totally does not want to sleep beside the freckled boy, not at all, he was just worried and felt burdensome that a guest's comfort would be prioritized (a stranger at that).
"Ah! It's totally fine, Tsukki!" He protests, he doesn't want any pressing strain for the boy, not that he needs to worry.
"It's my birthday wish...?"
"Oh," Yamaguchi's mouth is left to gape. Did he hear that right?
"I just don't want to be alone tonight"
Yamaguchi takes this as a command. After a while of arranging things for the both of them, he closes the bedroom lights.
Both of them lie awake, heads against still-damp pillows. It felt strange to have someone be beside you but feel like they're far away. Tsukishima thinks that this emphasizes his own feeling of loneliness.
None of what happened today with Yamaguchi was unfortunate, but he feels the flood of physical and emotional pain rush over his whole body through his spine. It became harder to breathe as he realized he wasn't at home, and that he was so so so so far away from it. And that he was alone.
There may have been tears welling up Tsukishima's eyes, only the stain on the pillowcase would know, although his sniffing caught his bedmate so suddenly, shuffling him awake, or maybe conscious of both of them.
"Tsukki, are you crying?"
Yamaguchi sits up, checking on him
"Oh god. What do I do? Are you okay?"
Tsukishima sits slowly, rosen cheeks. Looking at Yamaguchi with probing eyes. He didn't know what to say, the welling pit in his stomach turned to bitterness on the tip of his tongue.
"It's fine," He says, wiping the wet tears on his face.
"Oh god. Are you really fine?" Yamaguchi whispers to him, his hand reaching to wipe his glossy cheeks. His eyebrows tucked.
"I just felt scared and alone. It only dawned on me..."
The silence enveloped both of them, sitting at the edge of the bed. Yamaguchi only looks at him with curiosity, or so he thinks.
"I ran away from home, you know" He utters with a quiet breath, "Tonight, I mean"
"I figured," Yamaguchi tries to elate a small understanding smile. He didn't want it to be uncomfortable or strange, doing anything in his power to make it make sense.
"It's fine now. I'm here, Tsukki."
For now , the phrase echoes behind Tsukishima's mind like filling the words for the smaller boy and he feels a heavy pang on his chest.
Both of them knew there was a small tightrope between prying so deeply and keeping their distance. Yamaguchi almost crosses this, his feet dipping ever so dangerously on the ends.
"It's just that, tonight it was just too much... You know?" Tsukishima fiddles with his fingers, trying to peel his skin open to distract him from his own sudden transparency.
Yamaguchi shifts his weight to lean closer to him, and god does Tsukishima want to revel in it so much longer.
"Mm," He nods and his hands gently rest on the blonde's thigh, squeezing it lightly as if for comfort, "You're safe here now,"
"It's so painful, sometimes... I know nothing's my fault but," He bites his lips, and Yamaguchi's eyes only look at him meekly. Gentleness he never found anywhere near home.
"If you're always in a place pinning down things on you, it gets harder not to believe what they say." He almost bites his tongue
"Mm," He ushers a hand in Tsukishima's shoulder, a makeshift hug to not carry in on the proximity of the situation
"I'm sorry,"
"It's fine, Tsukki. I'm glad you told me whatever was on your mind." Yamaguchi lights up.
"Do you-"
Ah.
"Can we sleep?"
Yamaguchi only nods.
"And... Can we sleep closer to each other?"
Oh.
Yamaguchi smiles at him warmly, "Whatever you want."
Silence has always scared Kei. Silence like his father's that came before a beating. Silence like his loneliness that came creeping in his sleep. Tonight it was silent but he wasn't alone.
He dreams of a life well-lived. A life where he wouldn't find the best comfort in the cradle of a stranger's embrace. A life he could lead without pain or shame.
The calm breathing of Yamaguchi against his skin tickled his body. Reminding him he's alive, he's well, and he's loved (or so he convinces himself).
"Happy birthday, Tsukki," Yamaguchi says in muffled pining, and Tsukishima only rubs his back in reply.
viii. ten a surprise you should be careful not to miss,
It was the most comfortable night Yamaguchi had slept in. His body was almost one with the bed. The ray of the greeting sun invaded his curtains as he tried to open his eyes.
The wind knocks his blue curtains over and casts the sunlight against his cheeks, the warmth waking him up more.
"Tsukki?" He called out but there was no answer. He looked over the side of the bed where the tall boy slept. The dent of his limbs was still almost visible. Yamaguchi unknowingly smiles to himself.
As he tries to get up, he sees a paper sticking out that was laid between his bedside table and lamp. The crumpled receipt of the strawberry shortcake was vandalized with the writhing words, I'm sorry. I had to leave.
Tsukishima's handwriting spiraled and spiked, just like his tears and his suspicious grin. Crawling against the paper like the guilt and sadness wringing in Yamaguchi's neck. The towering man had left and Yamaguchi almost forgot how to breathe.
Was it really just like that? After hours, would he just be gone? There was familiarity in the air and loss at the same time. Like yearning to have known Tsukishima's past and be there to protect him so maybe, at least maybe, they could've met properly and he didn't have to leave.
It happened too soon Yamaguchi could convince himself it was a dream. It could have been if it weren't for the note. It could have been if he didn't remember the warmth of Tsukki's body against his.
Tsukishima came into his life unwittingly, or maybe Yamaguchi welcomed him into his life unwittingly, and he left just the same out of nowhere. It felt like a dream, a hello, and a goodbye. Like a kiss of the sky while you're falling off your own demise.