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She stared down at the test in her hands, goose bumps on her skin as she continually turned it over, hoping that the result would disappear with every turn. But when she looked at it again, the result was the same.
She was pregnant.
Instantly tears welled up in her eyes and a sob escaped her before she could slap her hand over her mouth. She listened for a moment to make sure he hasn’t returned home yet. Silence continued on the other side of the door and she sighed in relief. She couldn’t face him now. Not at all. And she certainly couldn’t tell him. Not until she’d made a decision as to what she was going to do. She shoved the test into her bathroom draw, one he never touched, along with the other tests she’d taken and slammed it shut. She stared into the mirror, her eyes red and puffy with dark circles from her lack of sleep. She set to work on her appearance to ensure no one was any the wiser. She pulled her hair back into a rough ponytail, loose strands curling near her ears and she quickly applied concealer on the dark circles. Stepping back to make sure she looked decent, she was interrupted by the sound of the apartment door being shut roughly.
“Are you home babe?” he called out. She ran her fingers through the ends of her ponytail once more and walked out of the bathroom with a smile on her face.
“Hey Art! How was work?” she asked with a peck on the lips. Arthur gave her a tired smile and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Today was a bit of a rough day but stuff is starting to go really well. I missed you though Lyanna,” he said sweetly.
“I missed you too. I feel like I haven’t seen you in a long time,” Lyanna admitted to him.
“I know. I should be home a bit more now since stuff is starting to go more smoothly.”
Lyanna stared up into Arthur’s violet eyes, so full of love, and she felt her stomach tighten. He was such an honest man and here she was, standing in front of him and not even willing to tell him she was carrying his child.
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Ashara and Elia’s giggles filled Lyanna’s ears and she returned from her daze, watching the two women giggle over some picture that was on Ashara’s phone. Ashara looked up and over at Lyanna, flashing her large smile before shifting the phone so Lyanna could see what all the fuss was about. It was a picture of Arthur when he was a few months old covered in bubbles in the bathtub.
“How cute is he?!” Ashara cooed about her older brother. Lyanna laughed.
“I think he’ll be mortified if he found out you showed this to me,” Lyanna told Ashara softly.
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take. I have to show off how cute we Dayne babies are.”
“Not as cute as mine,” Elia smiled, nodding her head at her son Aegon in his stroller, only a few months old, and her daughter Rhaenys who was beside him in the second seat of the stroller. Lyanna stared at Aegon and for a second wondered if her child would have the same fair hair as Aegon , a similar shade to Arthur’s, or if they would have Rhaenys’ sweet personality.
“Lya is it alright if we go to Bardot Junior? I want to look at this cute little dress for Rhaenys,” Ashara asked.
“Oh yeah its fine. Let’s go.”
The trio walked towards Bardot Junior and Lyanna was bombarded by a swarm of pregnant women and women with babies. Some were crying and some were spitting up and Lyanna just stared. Was this the life she was expected to live in a few months? If she went through with the pregnancy? However it got worse once they actually entered Bardot Junior. Lyanna felt the air leave her lungs as she stared at all the children’s clothing. In her mind she tried to imagine her purchasing the items in the store but the images refused to come to her mind. She racked her brain, trying to conjure them but they eluded her entirely. Her breaths fell shallow and she swore she could see blackness creeping into the corners of her vision.
“You alright Lya? You look a little pale,” Elia asked her, concern dripping from her voice.
“Yeah. I just need a little air,” Lyanna gulped. She exited the store and didn’t come back until it was time to leave.
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At night, whilst she slept beside Arthur, nightmares plagued her. Different dreams but all the same. Some where she couldn’t care for her baby, some where she lost or injured the child. Then there was the one that haunted her the most and caused screams to echo throughout their room. The one where the baby died. It varied from dying in her womb to never be born or it was born dead. And everyone looked at her as if she was a failure unfit for children or love.
That dream was the worst. It was the one that caused Lyanna to wake up in a cold sweat, her hands still clawing at the sheets while the blanket had been tossed to the floor. Arthur often woke up before her and he either tried to wake her up or tried to soothe her terror in her sleep. Sometimes she hated waking up to see his violet eyes staring into her grey ones deeply, silently pleading with her to tell him what was troubling her. She hated how he’d hold her close to him and rub soothing circles into her back while whispering sweet nothings in her ears. She hated how he’d ask what’s wrong and she’d respond with nothing or refuse to respond at all. Sometimes she hated that he cared. Because it made hiding it so much more painful for her.
She felt weak that she couldn’t tell him and tell him that she was so afraid to tell him of the life growing inside of her. This was not the she-wolf behaviour she was renowned amongst all their friends for. Instead of being strong and fierce, she was acting weak and selfish. No way was she ready to become a mother.
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Lyanna looked at herself in the mirror while she was getting ready for Ned’s engagement party, the deep blue dress clinging to her figure. She couldn’t help but notice the tiniest hint of a bump forming and she shuddered. She won’t be able to hide it much longer and she’s still unsure as to what to do. She knows she should tell Arthur. He certainly deserves the right to know but every time she’s considered it her stomach flips and her palms become sweaty. She’s frightened he’ll reject her entirely. Or insist on keeping it even if she wished not to.
The object of her thoughts came into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her cheek. His hands rest on her lower abdomen and she can’t help but stiffen. Little did he know that he was cradling his child, the one she refused to tell him or anyone else about.
“I love you,” Arthur whispered gently and kissed her softly. She fought her tears when she said it back. Slowly she can feel the guilt tearing at her as he embraced her tighter. “Now let’s go have fun Lya.
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At the engagement party she avoided all alcohol. She took drinks to keep up the charade but tipped them or swapped them when no one was looking. Her friends and their husbands and boyfriends tell pitiful jokes and she laughs along but it was always a bit forced. She knows Ashara, Elia and Catelyn know something is up but she can’t tell them. She’s afraid they’ll abandon her when they discover she doesn’t know if she wants the baby. The topic of family and babies is raised and suddenly her friends are looking slyly at her, as if this all explained her odd behaviour. They asked Arthur of his opinion on the matter and he shrugged.
“I don’t mind. If it happens I’ll be happy. But it’s up to her.”
He looked at her lovingly and the ball reformed in the pit of her stomach. He had always trusted her to be honest with him and here she sat and lied through her teeth. She isn’t deserving of his love anymore. Not in her eyes.
“And what are your thoughts on it Lyanna?” Catelyn asked her gleefully. Lyanna simply gave them a weak smile in return.
“If it happens, it happens. We’re still young and we still have so much to do but a child is still a good thing.” Her words felt to her as if she was trying to convince herself. Arthur’s hand gripped hers under the table and he flashed her that beaming smile. Her heart broke even more.
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That night when they’ve returned to their home, he takes her and loves her like he never had before. His whispered words of love burn her like never before. He held her closely to him afterwards and stroked her skin softly. She’s afraid to talk and ruin the moment. Once more he whispered his words of love and she struggled to contain the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.
“We could try if you want. For a baby. I wouldn’t mind. I know we’re young but I wouldn’t mind.”
The words pierced her heart and the tears began to fall in a steady stream down her cheeks. Sobs emitted from her and the look of concern and worry on his face only caused them to stream more. His concerned questions are muffled against her skin as he held her to him and pressed the lightest of kisses on her, trying to calm her. It’s that moment when she knew she couldn’t hide it any longer.
“I’m pregnant.”
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He’s outraged naturally that she hid it from him when she’d known for a few weeks. She flinched as he threw his things into the bag that now rested on the bed. She did not plead with him to stay or forgive her. She didn’t look him in his violet eyes. She’d done the worst thing and she believed she was deserving of his hate.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Am I unfit to be a father?” The question burned and stung her and her head shot up. His insecurity was evident in his eyes and it pained her that she’d caused him that. It had been far from that. He was going to be the best father but it was her indecision that had fuelled her hesitation to tell him of the life growing inside of her.
“No.”
“Then why?”
“Because I don’t think I can do it.”
His eyes softened and the anger left his face. His jaw unclenched and she saw his shoulders drop. He realised that she was frightened and terrified of being a mother. She’d always reacted well with children and was always so maternal. He didn’t understand why she was so afraid.
“You’re a natural. Why are you scared?”
“Because this isn’t some kid I can hand back Arthur. It’s ours and will be here crying and pooping all the time.”
“I think you can do it,” he murmured lowly. Her eyes brightened slightly at his admission. She was so scared he’d be disappointed in her parenting abilities.
“You really do?” “Yes. And we’re in it together.”
He pulled her close to him and wiped the tears that had formed in her eyes in his declaration of support. He loved her and he was going to love their baby too.
“Together,” she repeated, the word suddenly sounding foreign on her tongue. It was the one thing she’d forgotten. They were in it together.
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When their baby is born, Arthur clutches her hand tightly and brings it to his lips, his eyes welling up with tears at the baby boy who is all Stark. The baby is placed in Lyanna’s arms once he has been cleaned up and he stares up at his parents with his big grey eyes.
“He is so perfect,” Arthur murmurs into Lyanna’s hair and she nods slowly, her own tears streaming from her eyes.
“And he is ours,” she whispers back softly before cooing at the baby, “Jon is ours.”