Chapter Text
Stelios was running down the hill (Kate bush reference) with a piece of toast in his mouth as sweat poured down his face. “oh no! I’m gonna be late for my first day of school!” As he rolls down the hill, he rams into boyadjian’s fat juicy ass. “Oh no I’m so sorry boyadjian-chan! Oh, my piece of toast fell into your ass crack. Are you ok?
He swiftly (taylor swift reference) pulls the piece of toast out of his ass and bites into it. “oh, its ok, because it’s you stelios-san” Stelios can feel his heart thump in his chest as he looks deeply into boyadjian’s big brown orbs. With a smirk boyadjian shoves the toast into stelios mouth and clicks his lips as he cartwheels away.
‘Oh wow! (saiki k reference) Is this what people call an indirect kiss? I think I’m in love.’ Stelios skips the rest of the way to the subway in his pink tutu and high heels with utter glee (glee reference) at his newfound love.
He finally makes it to the subway to read his favourite web novel. ‘Wow I’ve already read 51 chapters, only 49 more to go!’ (orv reference) As he reads peacefully the subway begins to violently shake and his phone flies out of his hands and lands onto the floor.
He is about to get up and pick the phone up before he remembers he can’t bend down since under his tutu you can see his pretzel themed underwear. Before he can decide whether it is worth the risk he sees a a dark strong hand speckled with white dots on it give him his phone. He looks up with his jaw inside your mum to see the hottest guy at school in front of him. Pretzel chan!
“nice wallpaper cute stuff.” He says smugly and stelios embarrassingly remembers that he has a pretzel themed wallpaper.
Now here is something not many people know about stelios. As German is his passion (German teacher reference) he has a strong obsession with pretzels. His bed is shaped like a pretzel and is accompanied by his bedsheets and pillows with a pretzel pattern on them. His cat even has a pretzel charm on its collar. His wallpaper is also adorned with the same pretzel pattern. Even his dildo is pretzel shaped.
“Oh ja. Ha ha. I just really like pretzels.” Pretzel looks at him up and down and says, “I hope that doesn’t change any time soon” and confidently walks away. Forget what stelios said before. THIS is love. After all pretzel is way hotter and tastier than boyadjian-chan. He was drooling at just the thought of having a bite of pretzel-chan.
Stelios finally gets to school as he passes the couple known for making out in the halls all the time. Don’t get him wrong he thinks donald and biden are a very cute couple he just wishes he could join them and that they weren’t constantly sucking each other’s faces. Passing them he gets to class to see his best friend, Stuart walker! They quickly high five their balls together as a greeting followed by them sniffing each other’s noses.
Many people have thought they were dating but to him Stu was like the garden knome he never had. They are inseparable. He could never see him in a romantic light, only under blue light which is why he always remembers to flash blue flashlight in Stuarts face every time he sees him no matter how much the other man denies it. After all he knows deep down Stuart appreciates it.
Another thing, Stuart is madly in love with boyadjian-chan. That is another reason why stelios knows no matter how many banana peels are around he can’t fall for boyadjian-chan. No matter. He has his own crush. The one and only pretzel-chan.
“hello stu how are you doing on this lovely morning” he queries his friend as he makes the ‘:3’ face. “Terrible.” He says depressingly while also making the ‘:3’ face as a fight for dominance between the two men. “I haven’t seen my little pommespanzer in so long” (beautiful German word reference) “oh its ok my little fuzzy wuzzy stuekins, I actually rolled into him this morning and everything mine is yours so it’s like you rolled into him too.” Stuart feels more touched in this moment than he ever felt with his bald ex Mark. “This is why you’re the best stel.”
They smile as the bell rings, and both head off to class. School rolls around quickly as the break has arrived and stelios immediately goes to the bathroom to take a dump. He had been holding it in all day and it felt incredibly relieving to finally let it all spew out. He hears a knock at the door followed by “is someone in there?” in annoyance he simply moos for dominance as he hears the other man whimper and roll into the other stall.
“I thought we were finally friends after this morning” Stelios now recognises the voice as boyadjian-chan. “oh I’m sorry boyadjian-chan. Wait. How did you know it was me?” He hears a soft laugh from the other stall as the other man replies. “I recognise the sound of you moo every time. After all you always do it when someone knocks on the door.
For a moment his heart thumps. “you remembered?” The thing boyadjian says next makes him swoon. “I could never forget anything about you kitten whiskers.” His heart pounds once again before he tells himself to stop. ‘Bad Stelios. That’s Stuarts crush. You could never betray your bro like that. After all you made a piss pact.’
“oh that’s cool anyway bye.” He quickly makes an effort to leave without even wiping or washing his hands or feet in his hurry. He like pretzel-chan and that is that. If he had to, he’d just avoid boyadjian at all cost. Yeah! That’s what he should do. For stu! But…How long can he keep it up for...?