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It happens two weeks after they are wed, on a quiet night when they’d foregone indulging in sex for simply laying beside each other. Facing one another, they exchange sweet nothings in hushed tones until Xie Lian is half-asleep, fighting to keep himself awake if only to gaze upon his husband a moment longer. There's a soft, almost dopey smile on the god's face, one that's mirrored by Hua Cheng.
Or so Xie Lian thinks. If he were less sleepy and content perhaps he might've been able to tell that Hua Cheng's expression is slightly off, the most inconspicuous tell that something is wrong. Alas, the god is much too dazed. When sleep has finally almost taken Xie Lian, he moves to burrow his head into Hua Cheng's chest, as he has done almost every day since the ghost had returned after the events of Mount Tonglu.
Even in his state, the god's senses are too sharp to miss the almost imperceptible way his husband's body shudders as soft, strained breaths leave him. He draws back, suddenly very alert. It’s too fast for Hua Cheng to hide the tears that have started to flow from his eye.
For a moment that seems to stretch on infinitely, they just stare at each other, frozen, until Hua Cheng seems to snap back to his senses and tries to get up from their bed.
Xie Lian refuses to let him, clinging to his husband with a vice grip.
“Please talk to me, San Lang.” He pleads.
It might be unfair, Xie Lian knows Hua Cheng can never say no to him, especially if he asks in that kind of tone, but the god refuses to let his beloved run and suffer all on his own.
Surely enough, the ghost king settles back by his side, visibly trying to hold himself together. Minutes pass in silence. Xie Lian waits patiently, rubbing circles into Hua Cheng’s skin with his thumb where he’d grabbed him earlier. Eventually, Hua Cheng takes a deep breath, eye still watery, and starts speaking.
“I’m not-” He pauses, unable to admit out loud that he was crying. “It’s not because I am unhappy.” His voice picks up in trepidation. “Gege must know, it’s not because of that.”
Oh San Lang, you’re trying to soothe me even now… Xie Lian thinks with a fond sense of sadness.
“I know.” He acquiesces, moving to embrace the ghost so that his head would be cradled against Xie Lian’s chest. He knows it will make it easier for Hua Cheng to speak.
“If not sadness, then what has you so shaken San Lang?” He urges once his husband has wrapped his arms around Xie Lian’s torso.
“It’s finally over.” The words are quiet, muffled against the fabric of the god’s sleeping robes. They also confuse Xie Lian.
What is over? He wants to ask, but Hua Cheng continues, louder this time.
“Gege is finally in my arms, safe and sound.”
Oh. It hits Xie Lian with the weight of a mountain being dropped on him.
While he had spent eight centuries wandering the world, seeking penance for having indirectly dispersed his last believer, said believer had been looking for him unwaveringly- had been looking for his beloved- but now that everything had come to light and things had been sorted out…
The immense relief of it all must hurt, the same way that warmth felt painful after far too long in the cold.
Xie Lian feels like he wants to cry himself but keeps it under control. It’s so rare that his husband shows vulnerability- Xie Lian wants this moment to be for Hua Cheng only.
Hua Cheng says nothing more after that, clinging desperately to Xie Lian instead. It reminds the god of a scene from several lifetimes ago. The boy he’d held back then had been much smaller, his cries a lot more desperate and wailing. His beloved is older now, subdued in the way he weeps, yet it breaks Xie Lian’s heart all the same. He knows that the emotion sending shivers through Hua Cheng’s body is infinitely more intense than it had been when he was a young Hong’er.
Xie Lian holds him through it all, running a soothing hand down Hua Cheng’s back while he pets his hair with another. He utters fervent reassurances in-between.
I’m here now.
I’m safe. You made sure of that.
You’ll never lose me again.
Time loses its proper measure- whether it takes minutes or hours for his beloved to calm down, Xie Lian couldn’t tell.
Eventually, once he has settled, Hua Cheng draws back to look at him. From the look on his face, the god can already tell what he’s about to say.
“I’m sorry gege had to see-”
“Don’t-” Xie Lian rushes to cut him off, but it comes out too harsh.
“Never apologise for these feelings-” He tries again, more lighthearted this time “-or I will start apologising for being the cause of them.” Xie Lian “threatens” .
Hua Cheng is silent for a moment. When his body starts shaking once more though, Xie Lian knows that it’s with amusement.
“Gege drives a hard bargain. I will have to defer to his boundless wisdom in that case.”
Xie Lian snorts, continuing to run his hand down Hua Cheng’s back.
They fall silent for a while, relishing in shared quiet comfort. Eventually Xie Lian calls out, looking into Hua Cheng’s eye as he does.
“San Lang.”
The words don't need to be said, they know each other's hearts completely after all, but it feels important that they are spoken nonetheless.
“Despite everything that it took, I’m so happy it is you-” He reaches out a hand to gently cradle Hua Cheng’s cheek. “My most devoted believer.”
His husband freezes for a moment, before letting out a groan and burying his head back into Xie Lian’s chest.
“Gege will really be the death of this humble ghost.” He whines theatrically. Xie Lian can’t help the smile that spreads on his lips.
“No more of that San Lang.” Still, he admonishes his beloved, as half-heartedly as he can muster.
Hua Cheng draws back to look at him once more. The smile on his face finally looks completely honest and unburdened.
“No gege, no more of that.” He answers softly, until mischief shines in his eye. “But I might just burst into a swarm of butterflies again if gege keeps being so lovely.”
“San Lang!”
Xie Lian is scandalised only for a moment before they both burst into laughter the next.