Work Text:
The sound of the fire crackling and food being fried seemed too loud in a room occupied by just the two of you. It was as if your eardrums were being abused, unable to bear the silence combined with just the sounds mentioned above. It was driving you crazy.
This and the fact that Ren kept pressing himself against you, his arms around your belly to keep you close and his face behind your neck, his heavy and excited breathing sending shivers down your spine. He has been acting this way since you got out of bed, clinging to you even when you went to the bathroom to relieve yourself.
You could only convince him after a lot of effort and the fact that you didn't even have a way to escape. Even so, he would always whine just being away from you for a few minutes, stamping his foot against the floor as his voice took on more animalistic tones. It was a hassle to deal with and you always found yourself responding to his requests, even if your private time was non-existent. You know he wouldn't stop until he had all your attention focused on him.
Much like a child, except he's already a grown 21 year old adult who can pretty much take care of himself.
When you finally finished making your food, you put everything on a plate along with a few more ingredients to top it off, carrying it in your hands and walking over to the couch to sit down. And of course Ren was glued to you the whole time, he would watch you eat with wide pupils and a swishing tail, ears pricking up with every bite you would take.
You felt suffocated by it, but you've thought so many times that it could be much worse. If anything, he was just being kind and careful, taking care of what was his.
You sit on the sofa and Ren changes his position, now moving to your side so he can continue hugging you, his hands always making a point of reaching for where your flesh was full and abundant. He liked to squeeze and caress it, as if it were something rare and unique, something he should keep under lock and key in a golden safe.
You wonder if all of this is a way of dealing with the not-so-great childhood he may have had and the complicated relationship he had with his mother. You thought he was looking for shelter in you, shelter in someone who could offer something he never had. A warmth that only you, a mother, a woman, someone who cares and raises, should offer to every child you give birth to.
Even though he is not your son, much less a child. And yet, you couldn't do anything but sympathize with his pain. The fear of being abandoned, of being discarded, thrown away as if he were a toy. Just like you felt when you gave birth, when your body gained fat and was no longer as thin as before. Your curves were lost (you think so) and you needed to wear more conservative clothes to assume your role as a mother, someone pure and kind, unable to show your skin like before.
You are a mother, you need to have manners and be pure. You can't dress like a slut and expect validation.
So many things have been thrown onto your shoulders since then and you have found yourself forced to be someone completely different in society's view. No more work, no more travel, no more time for yourself, just the task of being a caregiver and that's it.
You felt like you were being squeezed in every possible direction, unable to expand yourself in the places you wanted. It was that and only that.
“I wish you had taken care of me instead of my mother...", Ren's voice echoed through the living room, taking you away from the thoughts that were flooding your head, making you return to the present moment.
You look at him, noticing his gaze focused on your belly, his hands massaging your flesh, squeezing it and then massaging it again. Like a baker molding dough.
You remain holding the plate of food with one hand while the other goes to his head, stroking his hair and ears gently. “I'm sorry that your mother wasn't the best... not everyone is capable of loving and caring for a child", your sweet and soft voice soothed him, making him close his eyes and purr lightly, leaning into your touch.
If it weren't for the fact that he kidnapped you and filled your head with ideas and lies to stay with him, you would think of him as just someone in need of support, in search of the affection and love he could never have. So vulnerable, so fragile, so sweet and so gentle. A true facade that hid his true nature.
He opened his eyes, his gaze fixed on yours, showing the excited glow of a true predator in the dead of night, with large dilated pupils. “Do you love your children?"
His question took you by surprise, making you suspect if it was a trick. “I love my children, I love each one of them equally, from the youngest to the oldest, regardless of their age”
You stated the obvious, something every mother would say when asked the same thing. There was no way you could say it was the opposite, your maternal instincts are stronger than anything.
“And you think they love you just the same, huh?”, he asked with a sharp edge to his voice, his eyes unblinking, looking straight into the depths of your soul. “Do you think they would make the same sacrifices you made for them without thinking twice?”
That... No, that was a trick, one of the many others he played on you. He was just trying to confuse your head, make you doubt the love of your own children.
“But of course they would... I'm their mother, the most important person in their lives! I was the one who fed and cared for them, I did my best to give them the best and…”
Shit, your voice was starting to crack.
“And when they grow up? Do you think they will look at you with the same eyes, see you as the most important thing in their life, even though they are discovering new ones?”, he brought his face closer to yours, eyes never blinking, never breaking eye contact. He said those things with so much conviction in his voice that you couldn't help but fall into his trap.
He was right... And when they grow up? When they reach maturity and no longer need mom like they always did? What will become of you? What else would you be? You haven't dedicated yourself to anything other than maternal care, forgetting that you are (were) a person with your own desires and dreams to pursue.
And when all that is over, when your duty as a mother comes to an end... You will be nothing. A big, dull nothing. Without something important to do, without someone to depend on you.
You will be nothing.
You feel your hands shaking, making you immediately put the plate of food on the other side of the couch so it doesn't break. You feel hot tears running down your face, making a trail to your chin, drops falling onto your lap.
You feel broken and lost and thrown away.
You bring your shaking hands to your face, trying to stop the tears from falling, but they always keep falling. You are nothing.
You feel Ren wrapping you in a tight, warm and comforting hug, dropping sweet words of comfort into your ear, saying that it's okay to feel this way.
He... He's the only one who's never left your side since then. He accepted you completely, embracing even the parts of yourself that you hated so much. He has been nothing but generous and kind to you.
And you should feel lucky about that.
“Don't worry", he said calmly, patting your head. “It's not worth crying for people who never saw your value, never loved you and never will”. He grabbed your chin and made you look directly at him, your vision blurred due to the several tears you let fall. “You don't need them. You have me, and I will never abandon you”
And it was from that point that you realized you would never escape him.