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The family dining table hadn’t been used in decades. Since they all managed to escape the seemingly forever-impending apocalypse and revert back to their 2019 timeline, things around the estate felt a lot less formal. Those who chose to stay put their own spin on the dated decor, like Christmas lights above the foyer bar (why Klaus chose to decorate the one facility in the house he no longer used the rest were unsure) and music (and voices) rang freely in the halls, the siblings no longer confined to their rooms outside of a training schedule.
They now eat in the basement kitchen. Not long after arriving back, they all grew wary of Grace shopping for and preparing all their meals. She was still having issues with her programming and not everyone was sure she understood everything that went down over the past few weeks, but Diego had managed to have a conversation with her about her newfound freedom; no Reginald, and the ‘kids’ sans Five were now around the age her creator chose her to appear (more than once Diego had gotten weird looks when referring to her as ‘mom’ on one of their outings). Essentially, she was free to live an existence of her choosing; what that meant was up to interpretation.
Things didn’t change drastically, the siblings merely taking turns with things like grocery shopping and laundry, giving Grace the dignity of an ‘empty-nester’ (despite the majority of them still choosing to live in close proximity). During this shift, Luther had been spending the majority of his time in the kitchen, seeming to have a newfound passion in trying new recipes. It was actually his idea to start this new family tradition; once a week, he ‘required’ all six of them to eat together. Surprisingly most of the time they all obliged, however on this night in particular Allison and Viktor were absent; supposedly there was a new 5-star restaurant Viktor had been dying to try and Allison was able to use some of her remaining industry connections to get them reservations that night. The four remaining siblings still carried on with their meal, with Luther and Klaus seated next to each other on the left side of the table, and Diego and Five on the right.
While three of the brothers carried on with pointless conversation, laughter, the occasional bickering, and most importantly, eating, Five is dancing his fork around his nearly untouched plate. Luther is the first one to speak up.
“Hey uh-Five, are you gonna eat or is the fork show just gonna be the highlight of the night?” Klaus and Diego snicker at the comment, and Five furrows his brow, seemingly tempted to give back a vicious remark but ultimately deciding against it.
“Sorry, my mind’s still on the equations I’ve been working on all day.” He chuckles, hoping to sound carefree as he begins eating his meal at a regular pace, each bite forming a lump in his throat.
“Geez is it really that bad? I know it’s a new recipe but you could just tell me if you don’t like it.” Luther clenches his hands together in a way that would be downright adorable if not for his hulking appearance.
Diego rolled his eyes as the rest choose to ignore his insecurities over his cooking skills; in all honesty, in just the few weeks they’ve been back he’s shown a lot of talent in the kitchen.
“What kind of equations have you been working on?" Diego chose to focus his attention back on Five instead, hoping to at least show some interest in the things he’s been up to.
“Well, I know you all have been content to get back to your regular routines, but as you know I haven’t been a part of this timeline in 17 years, so I don’t really have a routine of my own yet. I’m just testing out the possibilities that this timeline is truly safe, and we won’t have another apocalypse on our hands anytime soon.” He explains, eager to have something distracting him from the pit the food in his stomach is causing.
“Oh... so you're like-- testing the timeline to see if there's anything that might go wrong again? You’re doing that alone? Shouldn’t we know if something goes south again? We can help.”
Luther assures him in earnest, and Five bites back a laugh.
“No offense to you all, but the intellectual has never been any of your strong suits. Leave the equations up to me, and I can assure you you’ll all be the first to know if I find any anomalies.”
The conversation continues to other topics and Five half-listens, glad to have the rest of the family off his back. A twinge (well something a bit more than a twinge, not like he’d ever admit that) of anxiety reappears as he glances down again at his plate, seeing he has absentmindedly consumed almost all of it during the conversation. His foot taps rhythmically under the table for a moment before he stands up rather quickly.
“Wonderful evening as always, gentleman, but I’ll be returning to my studies upstairs.” He says with his signature sarcastic smile, hoping to sound casual as he pushes his chair back with shaky hands.
The remaining three brothers watch in curiosity as he walks up the stairs instead of his usual teleportation, a hand on the banister supporting his weight as he traveled up. They look at each other in confusion for a moment before Diego breaks the silence.
“Is it just me or is the little weirdo acting more..weirdo-than usual, I mean?” He asks, gesturing his fork towards the staircase to showcase his point.
“Yeah, I mean the lad is always a twee bit unhinged but he seemed off tonight.” Klaus hummed in agreement. “It would be completely wrong of us to invade his privacy and try to see if there’s anything he’s not telling us, right?”
“Yeah, completely.”
“Totally wrong.”
The three sit for a beat before all making a synchronized move towards the staircase, shushing each other as they made their way up, expecting to find Five sequestered away in his third-floor room; however, before they can make it up the final flight they’re distracted by what appears to be the sound of running water, followed by sniffling and..retching.
They quickly make their way to the 2nd floor bathroom just beyond the staircase, Klaus pressing an ear against the oak door.
“Five? Is everything alright?” Luther asks gingerly to no response.
Diego jiggles the doorknob before hitting it in frustration. “It’s locked.”
Their anxiety heightens at the statement and Diego begin banging on the door as the retching sounds continue.
“Five, open this damn door!” The three are pounding for another agonizing 30 seconds before they hear the faucet turn off and the door swings open slowly, revealing their disheveled younger (older) brother.
His uniform is wrinkled and his right sleeve is pulled up slightly, showcasing that the knuckles on his pointer and index finger are irritated and bright red. His eyes are glassy but full of his typical annoyance as he sniffs sharply. “What the hell do you guys want?”
Diego is the first one who speaks up, his voice full of concern "Five, what happened?"
Luther and Klaus approach him as well, showering him with various questions, which Five just brushes off with a simple, "I'm fine"
Diego's expression is of disbelief as he takes another glance around the bathroom, noticing the acrid smell of vomit begin to fill the air. “You're clearly not fine, are you?" He raises an eyebrow, more of a statement than a question.
“It’s none of your concern.” Five’s voice is detached as he tries (and fails) to get his family to leave him alone.
Luther speaks up with a firm yet gentle tone. “We’re family, so it is our concern. Now, tell us what the hell is going on, you look awful.”
They all look at him with a look to show that they're not backing down from the matter any time soon. Five's tense body language shows just how much he doesn't want to have this conversation, whatever it is.
“I didn’t want to say anything.” Five says simply, drying his hands with a towel and avoiding eye contact with the others. “Everyone enjoys our weekly dinners, I didn’t want to mess it up. The food here-in this timeline, there’s a lot of it.” He explains. “Too much.”
“You're having trouble eating?" Diego asks, his eyes narrowing. They all stare at Five, and he can see the gears turning in their heads, all calculating when the last times they’ve seen the boy eat in the past weeks.
“How long have you been having trouble eating?” Klaus asks with what could be interpreted as understanding.
Five chuckles darkly. “45 years? Spending my formative years in an apocalypse wasn’t so kind to the body, or the mind for that matter. I ate whatever I could scavenge. In the beginning years, it was canned food. In the later years, when that went bad, it was cockroaches. Safe to say family meals around a table are an adjustment.”
The three shuffle uncomfortably, the very thing Five was afraid of; his siblings knew the basic rundown of what he’d been through, apocalyptic wasteland and a career as a ruthless assassin, but Five hadn’t been too keen on giving any of the details to them (besides Viktor at least).
“Five, you had to eat cockroaches?” Diego asks softly, turning a bit green despite himself.
“Jesus, that's horrible man!” Klaus exclaims, always the least tactful amongst them. “But Luther’s food is great-don’t let it go to your head big boy-“ He casts a wayward glance at Luther before getting back to his point “I mean, compared to creepy crawlies and stuff. Why would it make you throw up?”
Five doesn’t seem to know what to say to that, his mouth opening and closing again. His eyes have a wild expression in them, almost like a caged animal, and the others can see him weighing his options in his mind before he brings up his fists, and disappears in a flash of blue light.
The siblings look around to find Five gone, and Diego places his palm to his forehead in frustration. “Dammit, Five!”
Luther slams a fist against the wall in frustration, cursing under his breath. Klaus, however is more concerned rather than upset. “Where do you think he went? He can't have blinked far..."
The siblings’ question is answered when they hear a loud thump like a body hitting the ground just outside of the bathroom door on the staircase. Diego is the first one who dashes out of the bathroom and to the stairs.
“Shit!" He yells when he sees Five's unconscious crumpled body on the floor. Klaus and Luther quickly follow, both gasping as they see Five slumped and unmoving on the floor. Klaus waves a hand in front of his face and attempts to shake him, but no response.
“We should take him to see mom in the infirmary.” Diego says frantically, scooping up the younger boy in his arms, his chest dropping when he realizes how light he is; way lighter than any 13 year old should be.
“Dammit Five, what the hell is going on with you?” He whispers sharply. Klaus and Luther nod in agreement before helping Diego carry Five down the stairs, carefully avoiding bumping him on the wall. As they make their way down to the infirmary, Diego turns to the other two.
“He's too goddamn light" He mutters, his eyes focused on Five's face, suddenly noticing the gauntness of his cheekbones.
“I don’t know if he’s sick or something, but I swear to god he was not this scrawny when we were all 13.” Klaus and Luther don’t say anything, just examining their youngest counterpart like they’re seeing him for the first time. The awkward silence is broken as their mother Grace opens the door and smiles.
“Oh dear, what's happened?" She asks as she sees her children carrying the unconscious Five into the infirmary. Luther steps forward and sets Five down on one of the cots. “We - we found him like this, he just... collapsed while we were talking."
Grace's face shows concern, and she quickly starts checking Five's vital signs. The siblings all wait anxiously, their eyes never leaving Five's unmoving body.
“Well his electrolytes and blood sugar are extremely low, and from the looks of it he’s quite a bit underweight. It’s unsurprising he fainted in this condition. I recommend we set up a glucose IV to get his levels up.” Grace says in her usual even demeanor. The siblings all nod as Grace sets up the IV and hooks it up to Five, the glucose flowing into his frail body. They all watch silently, the only noise coming from the beeping of the heart monitor.
Klaus finally breaks the silence, his voice uncharacteristically soft. “Grace, is he... is he gonna be alright?"
“With proper nutrition from this point on, I don’t see any dangers of permanent damage. Are you children sure you’re doing alright without me preparing your meals? I just want you all to be well.” Grace’s robotic eyes flash with confusion and concern, despite her smile. The boys know that she is programmed to care for all of her children, and therefore must feel some level of emotion for them.
The siblings exchange looks, not really having an answer for her. Besides Luther’s weekly dinners, the siblings had been pretty much fending for themselves when it came to meals. Sure they would find themselves in the kitchen at similar times occasionally, swapping ingredients and sharing from pans, but none of them are really able to recall seeing Five at any of these meetings. Diego sighs, looking down and then looks back up at Grace.
“Grace..before he passed out he was locked in the bathroom. It seemed like he was throwing up, and he has those scrapes on his knuckles.” He points to his brother’s still body. “Do you have any idea what could be wrong with him?”
“Oh my.” Grace puts a hand up to her tightly lined lips. “Well my software hasn’t been updated to the latest edition of the DSM, but I think I have some information stored on these symptoms.” Her eyes pull back to an electric blue hue as she recites the information she has pulled up.
“Bulimia Nervosa is a serious psychological ailment marked by excessive eating followed by episodes of purging, often including but not limited to over exercising, laxative abuse, and self-induced vomiting.”
The three brother’s heads jump up sharply at their mother’s words. Diego stares at her in silence for a moment before starting out.
“Mom, w-what the hell are you saying? That he’s doing this to himself?” He brushes a hand roughly across his hair before shaking his head forcefully. “Nah, run it again, the results have to be wrong.”
Diego turns to the Luther and Klaus, expecting them to back him up on this. Luther seems to be in a similar state of disbelief, but Klaus is wringing his hands and avoiding eye contact.
“What is it, Klaus? I know you have something to say so spit it out.” Diego demands, disregarding his previous resolution to speak more kindly to his siblings because this-well this was an exception. His heart ached at the idea of anything being wrong with the group’s smallest member.
Klaus brings up his tattooed palms, shrugging and humming for a bit before beginning with an exasperated sigh. “Well, I can’t say I’d be the most surprised person in the world. The little dude is a big ball of constipated emotions. And what Mom is saying makes sense-“ He gestures his ‘goodbye’ hand at the unconscious boy’s body “The evidence is there.”
“What are you saying, Klaus?” Luther speaks up, stepping closer to the curly-haired medium.
“Why the hell would Five, of all people, have some kind of eating disorder? He’s an old man for godsake, it’s not like there’s some prom dress he’s in a hurry to fit into.”
Klaus laughs incredulously “Wow, very evolved of you, SpaceBoy. I’m not claiming to be an expert here, but I have a great idea-why don’t we wait until he wakes up and I don’t know- ask him what’s going on?”
“I hate to say it but he’s right.” Diego butts in. “There’s no point in arguing over what’s going on when we really won’t figure it out until he’s conscious.”
“We should call Allison and Viktor.” Luther speaks up.
“He’s their brother too, and they have a right to know.” The other two nod in agreement as Luther walks away to use the telephone. Klaus and Diego watch as Luther walks away to call Allison and Viktor, their attention returning to Five's unconscious body.
Klaus leans against the wall, his eyes still fixated on the boy.
“Don’t get me wrong, Diego, I’m really hoping Mom’s programming is off on this one.” He says, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“But say she’s right, Allison might actually come in handy with this one, maybe Rumor some sense into him?”
Diego snorts. "Like that'd work. You know how stubborn the kid is. He'd probably just punch her if she tried to make him eat. Besides, I don’t think Allison is even using her powers anymore.”
Klaus purses his lips before humming in agreement. “Ok, yeah, you probably have a point with that, plus I don’t think forcing him to eat is really gonna solve anything. Let’s just try to feel it out when he wakes up.”
Luther paces in the hall just outside the infirmary for a minute before picking up the phone, deciding to call Allison first.
“Hey Luther, what’s up? I’m still with Viktor right now.” Luther can hear a soft ‘hello’ in the background from his brother.
“Hey Allison, hey Viktor." Luther responds, "Look, I have to fill you guys in on something."
Klaus and Diego lean closer, trying to hear the conversation from their spot in the infirmary.
“It’s a family thing-it’s about Five. It’s kind of hard to explain over the phone, do you think you guys could both drop by?” Luther keeps his tone serious but tries to avoid sending them into a panic as well.
There's a pause from the other end of the phone before Allison's voice responds, "Yeah, we can come back. Give us 10 minutes; we’ll be there."
In record time, the two remaining siblings burst through the door of the infirmary as instructed.
“Oh my god, what happened?” Allison looks over Five’s unconscious body in shock, Viktor standing behind her.
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out-we were talking and he got all squirrelly and tried to jump out-he collapsed on the stairs.” Diego continues, not sure how much is necessary to fill in based on what they know.
“Well is he sick or something? Why would he just pass out like that?” Viktor asks softly as he steps in beside the other 4.
Despite getting a glare from Diego, Klaus brings a hand to his mouth and begins to explain.
“Welllll-Mom took his vitals and had us explain what happened and she has an explanation it’s just-“ He waves a hand in exasperation, trying to find the words “it’s kind of a-“
“Mom thinks Five has an eating disorder.” Luther interrupts, sending the rest of the team into a stunned silence. After a few moments Allison seems to be the one to get her bearings.
“What eating disorder?” She asks quickly, wringing her hands in a nervous tic.
Taken aback by the question for a moment, Luther replies. “Uh, bulimia-that’s the uh, throwing up one, I guess.”
“I know what it is, genius.” Allison shoots back quickly. “Are you sure, have you talked to him about it?”
Before the others have a chance to respond, Five shifts slightly in his bed, drawing all their attention as he slowly and blearily opens his eyes, clearly unaware of where he is. The siblings look at each other with raised eyebrows, their voices falling silent for a moment. Klaus is the first to speak up, stepping closer to the bed.
”Five? Can you hear us?" Five seems to shake himself awake, placing an elbow underneath him and leaning closer.
“Yeah. And I can smell you. Your breath stinks.” Five says groggily, with his signature snark still intact. The siblings exchange amused glances, happy to see a hint of the usual snarky Five coming through.
Diego steps up to the bed as well, a stern expression on his face. “Yeah, you'd know about bad breath, wouldn't you, Einstein?"
Allison glares at him and nudges him in the side as Five’s expression hardens and he seems to fully wake up and assess his situation. He glances over to the IV in his arm.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Klaus looks him over once more before speaking gently “We were talking in the bathroom and you passed out, buddy, do you remember?”
Five sits up fully and begins straightening his uniform, the illusion of him appearing like any other vulnerable child dissipating as his expression seems to show every year of his age. “I apologize for that, I-I don’t know what happened. If you get me a notepad I can try to do some equations, this might have something to do with the timel-“
“Ah-ah-ah” Klaus shushes him, placing a finger towards his increasingly annoyed face. “Mom gave us the results of some of the testing she did. Low iron, low blood sugar, electrolytes..not to mention the little Freddy Krueger number on your knuckles. Is there anything you wanna tell us?”
Five’s expression is hard, unreachable, and he crosses his arms. “Are you on drugs again? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Sensing an incoming of bickering, Diego places a hand on Klaus’ shoulder, ushering him to the side.
“We’re not accusing you of anything, okay Five? But we have this new thing going on where we don’t let any more shit happen to this family. We need you to be honest with us. Mom said you have an eating disorder-is she wrong?” The other siblings bristle at the words, eyes fixed on their smallest counterpart.
“An eating disorder.” Five repeats, an incredulous look on his face. “That’s ridiculous; we’ve been putting off getting her programming checked for weeks, she would probably diagnose a paper cut as the Black Plague next.” He’s sitting completely upright now, the IV in his armed pulled taut against the bedsheets and threatening to be torn out at a moment’s notice as he breathes heavily.
“Okay, okay, that’s definitely a possibility.” Luther jumps in in an attempt to calm the boy down. “Then why don’t you tell us what’s going on? Are you coming down with something? We could tell you were throwing up earlier.”
Five places his head in his hand in frustration. “You imbeciles have all misunderstood me. I felt ill after dinner, that’s all. I must have ate too much.”
Allison is the one to speak this time. “I don’t believe him. His levels wouldn’t be nearly this fucked if this were a one-time thing. I think we might need some kind of outside intervention at this point if he won’t admit it.”
“When will you guys get this through your skulls?” Five explodes with anger, the IV ripping from his arm as he throws his legs over the side of the gurney.
“I’m not some kind of moody teenager with body image issues. I am a grown, 58 year old man and my problems are the least of your concern!”
“Least of our concern my ass!" Diego yells, stepping closer to the bed. "We're your family, damn it! You're our goddamn family! So of course we're concerned! We care about you!"
“Well stop caring, then!” Five is yelling back but his voice breaks at the last word. His face goes through a million emotions, anger, self-hatred at himself for being weak, and an overwhelming sadness. As hard as he tried to remain stoic tears begin to well in his eyes. The siblings are taken aback by Five's sudden outburst, seeing that strong facade he tried to keep up start crumbling.
Viktor steps forward now, speaking for the first time, his voice characteristically soft. "Five, we're not going to stop caring. You're our brother. And we're not gonna just ignore this situation anymore. You need help."
Five curls his legs up and places his arms over his knees, in an upright fetal position. In this state his body is unmistakably that of a child, and his sibling’s hearts break to see him in such clear pain as silent sobs begin to wrack his body.
Diego’s stern expression softens as he sees Five curled up in the gurney, sobbing silently. He steps closer as well, his voice gentle now.
"Five, it's okay. You can talk to us." Klaus and Luther step closer as well, their eyes on their little brother. It breaks their hearts to see him like this.
“This is ridiculous. I’m sorry-I don’t want you kids to see me like this..” Five is muttering to himself, apologizing over and over. “It’s fucking pathetic.”
Klaus approaches the gurney as well, his voice filled with concern.
"Hey, that's not true, buddy. You're not pathetic, you're just... struggling. And that's okay. You don't have to be perfect all the time, you have us now, remember?"
“You all just don’t understand…” Five says softly, a faraway look in his tear-filled eyes. “What I’ve been doing, it’s nothing compared to what I went through during the apocalypse. You don’t know what real hunger is, this-“ He pauses, trying to find the right words. “This habit, it’s nothing. It’s just a sort of tool I picked up during my time at the Commission. It keeps me level-headed.” The siblings listen intently, realizing they're getting a rare glimpse into Five's time as an assassin for the Commission.
Luther furrows his brow, trying to understand. "So, you're saying that... vomiting up your food was a way for you to stay focused during missions?" The rest of the group is silent, trying their best to not pass judgement on something they’re so unfamiliar with.
“Precisely.” Five laments. “When I was first rescued by The Handler, I had to have solid food reintroduced to me very slowly. Even with the special diet I always felt sick and..heavy, and distracted after eating. This is just how things are for me now.” Five shrugs casually.
The siblings exchange worried glances, realizing that Five's relationship with food is even more complicated than they thought.
Klaus speaks up, his voice gentle.
"Five, puking up your food is not a healthy coping mechanism. Maybe it helped you stay focused back then, but here and now, it's only hurting you. You don't need to do it anymore."
Five takes a look around at the state he’s in, sweaty from the exertion of the conversation and the crook of his elbow thick with a streak of blood from pulling out his IV, and he seems to acknowledge his brother’s words.
“I can understand how it appears that way to you all. I’m willing to try to fix my admittedly poor diet, I just would really prefer the incessant mothering behavior to stop; need I remind you one more time that I’m twice all of your ages?”
Klaus can't help but chuckle at Five's snarky comment. "Yeah, we know you're twice our age, old man. But that doesn't change the fact that we care about you and want to help you."
Luther steps closer now, his expression serious. "Five, we're not here to baby you or make you feel inadequate in any way. We just want to make sure you're healthy and safe. And that means eating proper meals and getting the nutrition you need."
After Five agrees to let Grace reattach and empty his IV bag and keep him for monitoring overnight, his siblings reluctantly leave him to rest, the worried expressions never leaving their faces. None of them sleep well that night, instead resorting to hushed conversations around the dinner table on how to proceed from this point on.
After a few hours of silence, Five turns his head to see Allison gently knocking on the wooden doorframe. To be honest, she’s the last person he expects to see; she was near radio-silent during the conversation and he had expected her to retire to her own house she had rented in the city after the day’s events. His brain goes over his options as his tired eyes watch her approach. Even though he's still feeling vulnerable from his earlier breakdown and the siblings' concern, he puts on a stoic expression, trying to maintain his usual facade.
“Hey, Allison," he says softly, his voice betraying his fatigue.
“Hi, bud.” Allison replies softly, and if Five wasn’t so exhausted he would be more than ready to verbally berate her choice of a nickname, however he merely sighs in reply as Allison walks up to his hospital bed where he is curled up on his side.
Allison sits down on a chair beside Five's bed, her eyes studying his face. Even though he's still trying to maintain his usual tough exterior, she can see a familiar vulnerability and utter exhaustion in his expression. She stays quiet for a moment before speaking up, her voice gentle. "You look tired."
“I suppose I am.” Five replies lamely, not making eye contact, instead rubbing the scab on his right hand.
“When’s the last time you’ve touched someone?” Allison asks, and Five bristles at the question that seemingly comes out of nowhere.
He shrugs nonchalantly, trying to brush off her question. "What kind of question is that? I touch things all the time. With my hands, you know."
“You know I didn’t mean it like that-I mean, I obviously didn’t mean it in a sexual way, either, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Allison continues hurriedly. “You spent so much time alone. I know you had Delores but a plastic torso can only bring so much comfort.”
He lets out a small sigh before speaking, his voice softer than usual. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Delores was all I had for so long. But she... wasn't real. She wasn't alive. I couldn't really touch her. Hug her. Feel her warmth."
“And I don’t suppose you had anyone at the Commission either? God, the only time you probably ever touched another person is when you would-“ Allison cuts herself off, letting both of their imaginations fill in the gaps of Five’s time as a trained and indiscriminate assassin.
Five winces at Allison's unfinished sentence. He knows exactly what she was referring to, and the memory stings like a reopened wound. He takes a deep breath, trying to control the emotions that are threatening to surface. “Yeah. You're right about that too. At the Commission, touching was the furthest thing from my mind. And when I did... It was for killing, not comforting."
Allison stands up and places a warm hand on his forearm. “Would you mind if I..?” She gestures to the empty space behind him on the bed.
Five's eyes flicker up to look at her hand, surprised by the touch. Part of him wants to push her away, to keep the walls he's built up around himself intact. But another part of him, a part he usually tries to ignore, craves the human comfort that Allison is offering.
He looks away, avoiding her gaze, and mutters a quiet "Sure, whatever."
Allison gingerly hoists herself onto the gurney, clumsily taking off her heels beforehand, the pair clattering loudly on the hardwood floor. She shimmies herself close to her younger brother, placing one arm across his tiny midsection and another brushing against his dark hair. Five stiffens as Allison moves closer, his body tense.
He's not used to being so close to someone, let alone being held like this. But slowly, he starts to relax. As Allison gently brushes his hair and holds him close, it's as if a dam of emotions is slowly breaking inside of him. He lets out a shaky breath, his voice whisper-soft. "I don't remember the last time someone held me like this." Allison smiles softly in recognition.
“I haven’t held anyone like this since..since Claire was around 5.” Allison murmurs into the back of his neck, and Five remembers that she is yet to have custody back of her daughter. It’s possible she needs this interaction as much as he does, and he allows her to pull him a little tighter. Five rests his head on the pillow, allowing himself to be pulled into her embrace. It feels strange to be held like this, to feel someone's warmth against his own body, but it also feels... nice. A sense of security that he really doesn’t think he’s ever fault, surely not from his father or during the years of isolation, or the cold corporate existence at the Commission.
Allison still has one hand slowly brushing through his hair, but the other is slowly feeling his arm, still obscured by his academy jacket. She places her fingers around it, seemingly studying its size.
“You don’t feel that much different than her then, Five.” Allison tries not to let Five hear the tears threatening to spill over at the realization of how small he has become; she doesn’t really see how none of them noticed in the months since he came back.
Five's breath catches in his throat as Allison touches his arm. He feels a bit like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, as ironic as that analogy may be. This-thing, he’s been doing, the coping mechanism as Klaus so aptly put it, had been following him for the better part of 6 years, and no one had been the wiser to it. During his tenure at the commission, no one looked twice at the middle-aged man who went through 40 years of starvation looking pale or ill. He rarely felt well at that time, his lungs choked up with years of black smog and his skin burnt with radiation. He developed acid reflux during that time, whatever he put in his body seeming eager to come out. It was an adjustment for sure, being back in his unmarred 13-year-old body. He chose not to dwell on the results of Grace’s tests too much, not wanting to think of the damage he’s caused to what should be a fresh start. A part of him wants to pull away and deny it, to hide the truth of how much his weight and health have deteriorated. But he doesn't. He lets her hold him, lets her feel the reality of his situation.
“You’re supposed to be growing, Five. I know, you say it all the time and I understand. You’re not a child, but your body has the needs of one. I want you to be able to have a second chance at life, a healthy one.” She sighs softly.
He closes his sore eyes, his exhaustion and his vulnerability making it hard to put up his usual walls.
“I know," he replies softly. "I know I'm supposed to be growing, but... it's difficult. I spent so long focused on one goal, suppressing everything I needed-I don’t-“ He pauses for a moment, trying to find the right words. “I don’t know how to be different.”
“Please.” Allison grips his arm tightly. “Please, please try. I’ve lost my husband, my daughter, Ben..I cannot lose another brother, I couldn’t take it.”
She wraps her arms around him fully, feeling her tears soak the back of his uniform blazer. Five's usual toughness crumbles and he feels something in him finally break. Tears well up in his own eyes for the second time that day, and he lets out a shaky breath as he feels her tears on his back.
He tries to speak, but his voice comes out choked and broken. “I-I'll try," he manages to say, any semblance of his normally large vocabulary escaping him.
They lay in silence for awhile, and Five is almost positive his sister has fallen asleep until she speaks up once more.
“I used to do it too, you know.”
Five's eyes snap open as Allison's soft voice interrupts the silence. He turns his head slightly to look at her, listening intently to her words, and he swallows before asking,
“You used to do what too?"
“Throwing up. Things were different after you disappeared, the media got really high-pressure-y. I was the only girl in the academy, I felt like I had to keep up.” Allison has her hands up as she explains quickly, a sense of relief seeming to wash over it now that she’s said it. He turns over slightly on the gurney, so he's facing her.
"How... how long did you do it?" he asks softly, fearing the answer.
Allison lets out a small, bitter laugh. “Too long..way too long. It started when we were all still living with dad, then my acting career took off and I moved to LA and things just got worse and worse..I thought about checking myself into rehab until I was finally able to turn things around. I never told any of our brothers, I honestly assumed they’d just think I was a cliché, say it’s what I deserved for leaving when I did.”
Five swallows before answering. “I-uh, I think today is a testament that that wouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry, Allison, that I wasn’t there for that. You deserved better.”
Allison smiles softly, their noses almost touching as they fill up the twin-sized gurney. “I know it’s not your fault. You would have-you did-do everything to try to get back to us. You saved all of us.” She grabs one of his hands. “You gotta let us pay back the favor.”
“I'm glad you were able to get through it, I just wish you didn’t have to do it alone.” Five laments, letting her hold onto him. He looks into her eyes nervously before asking his next question. “If I may ask..what made you get better?”
“I found out I was pregnant with Claire.” Despite her tears, Allison gives a grin at the mention of her daughter’s name. “It wasn’t just about hurting myself anymore, I could care less about me, but I had someone else to protect.”
Five feels a pang in his heart as he sees the smile on Allison's face when she mentions her daughter. It's clear that Claire means the world to her, and he’s just glad that despite everything they’ve went through, she still has the option to fight to see her. He takes a deep breath before responding, his voice barely above a whisper. "I understand. Protecting someone else is a powerful motivator."
Across the mansion, none of the siblings sleep well that night; Five being one of the least. He watches his only sister as her responses become shorter and she begins yawning, finally closing her eyes, and he just watches her for awhile. Everything in him still wants to be angry with the rest of his family for invading his privacy, trying to take away what was at one point the only thing keeping him from tipping over the edge and never making it back to them, but the thought of his sister being at the same brink and having none of what they gave softens the hard ball in his chest. He reaches over and turns out the light next to the bed, making sure not to disturb the sleeping figure beside him.