Chapter Text
There isn't an actual guide on how to spend the day after saving the world, the universe, or even some timelines. Some choose to celebrate, some just want to go home and rest, and some others eat Shawarma. After almost devouring his, Wade Wilson managed to convince his new bud, Logan, to at least spend the night at his shared apartment, which wasn’t really an option for him, given the fact that he had nowhere else to go in a completely unknown place. Logan wasn’t ready to go anywhere else either. He was also agitated by the amount of people that inside of the shawarma place, stared, pointed and asked him, wondering how the hell was he still alive, making him storm out of the place and leaving Wade alone ordering both plates to go, as he sat outside away from non required attention. It was going to be hard faking his new identity, but he would think about it later, in a quieter place, when everything else was settled.
After being witness of Wade’s reencounter with that scrappy dog dressed like him, he asked himself internally how was it that every other Deadpool variant was vanished, but not the creature. The TVA surely didn’t have the heart to leave it behind without its original owner. Or they just didn’t bother in putting the dog back to its original place. Either ways, Wade decided that the dog was his the moment he landed his masked eyes on it, and it was now clear that no soul was going to be able to separate them. He stared at Wade’s dropped shawarma and frowned upon it, and as he was going to comment about it, Wade’s face was being licked by his new acquired dog, and he had no choice but to suppress his complaint (and his laugh) to let the other enjoy the moment.
Logan wouldn’t admit it, but Wade had a perverse charm permanently stuck on his personality. In a matter of less than five minutes after the dog scene, he was persuaded to spend the night in Wade’s place. Their conversation towards there was an external monologue of Wade, explaining how he had made the right decision of coming with him, being constantly interrupted by Mary Puppins’ (who was being carried in Wade’s arms) licking his face, or him smooching her head. “Oh, and you will have a place to take a shit! I don’t know about you, but I’m desperate to sit on my cold, porcelain throne and spend a full hour reading the shampoo instructions. I was once so bored I jacked off while reading them. Those chemical compounds names have you thinking about which names are moanable or not. Mine is, I know that for experience, but some… Have you ever met an Alfred who is not a virgin? No! And that’s because that name is unmoanable. Seriously, who wants to moan thinking about Batman’s butler? Yuck!” Two seconds of silence went by as he kissed Mary’s little head and then back to the babbling “Do you like music? Not to brag, but me and Al have spotify premium, and let me tell you, it’s the best decision we have made. I get to play every 80’s banger that’s ever existed, and she gets to listen to her weird true crime podcasts all night. Beware, she often listens to them without headphones, but if you tell her it annoys you she will put them on… Have I told you she loves cocaine?”
And after twenty minutes of Wade’s rambling and Logan’s muttered agreement sounds, they were finally going upstairs the apartment block, and in front of the flat’s door, which Wade opened by getting a key copy from under a plant pot. “I know it’s dangerous to leave it out here, but I never carry my keys with me on missions. It makes my suit wrinkle.”
“Why not knocking the door then?” He asked uninterested.
After a long pause, the answer was:
“Huh… Didn’t think about it. Anyways!” And with that, the door was open. Both men passed through the door to the living room, and instantly Wade yelled “Al! Come here! I have a surprise for you~”
Logan looked around the room, and given what he could see of the flat, his first impression on Wade's house was that, even if it was quite messy, it was significantly better than the flat he has been living in, which was often full of empty bottles of cheap booze, and whose only significant space was a dirty mattress which had served as a bed for Logan to rot in for longer that he could remember. A tiny, shiny, green plant in the corner of the kitchen made his guts twist in disgust as to how was he able to live in a place so opposite of this. So empty of life and light. Wade was not a normal person, and neither was Al, for what he had been told, and yet their house looked so mundane, so comfortable to live in. This was going to be a very enjoyable night.
An old, black and blind woman came out of a room, taking short but firm steps with her cane towards them, and to Logan’s surprise, with a gun in her sock. “Wade, is that you? For the breasts of Mary, you’ve been gone for three days! I thought somebody had finally murdered you. Where have you been, you idiot? Rent was due today! I had to tell them you were lost in a mountain with no cellphone and that you had no money for a ride home so you had to go back by foot. We have till tomorrow to pay it, so you better help me.” Slowly, the woman managed to stand in front of Wade, and asked “Did you at least brought me my Satan's dandruff?" Then she smelt the air and asked" Why does it smell like wet dog?”
“That’s because I brought you a wet dog, yay! Here, grab her” Mary was carefully placed in Al’s wrinkled now empty hands, and she made a face of disgust.
“What the fuck is this, Wade?”
An offended gasp coming from the man flooded the room. “Don’t speak to her like that! She’s delightful. Her name is Mary Puppins, and she’s mine now. I rescued her from the ownership of some ugly faced bastard.”
“So you actually did it on purpose.” Logan snorted.
“Who was that?” Al asked.
"That, my dear psycho grammy, is our guest, Logan. Logan, this is my cocaine lover roommate, Al, and Al, this is Logan, the one who has been helping me to save the world this days, and the man with the greatest tits in this universe."
Although Al thought it was a joke to laugh at, little did she now that Wade was being actually very serious about it. On the contrary, Logan knew it. "Wade!" Logan growled and then sighed in disbelief before shaking Al's hand, which she had extended just a second after releasing the creature in the floor. "Nice to meet you, ma'am. Thank you for letting me stay"
Suddenly, their handshake was strongly held by the woman, who grumped before answering. "Don't take it for granted. If I get woken up again by the couch breaking the wall, I will shoot you both out of here."
Logan's hand acted on instinct and quickly let go off the handshake, as he felt himself raging towards the man for making the joke that made her assume that they were something more than "business partners". "Hell no, it's nothing like that. I'll sleep on the couch by myself and will stay here only tonight. Tomorrow I will find a way to rent a room or something like that." He was facing Wade as he stablished his plan, making sure that his intentions were clear.
"Then you're more than welcome. But that hairy thing must go, Wade. Our landlord doesn't allow us to have animals and you know it."
“No, Althea, she’s staying with us no matter who tries to stop me. As the new Marvel Jesus, it is my duty to take care of all beings, no matter if it is a little furry princess like this one, or a stray beast.”
Al had to eventually give up. She had known Wade long enough to guess that this conversation wasn’t going anywhere, and that, as always, he would find a way to do what he wanted. Walking back towards her room, she flipped him off and ended the conversation saying: “Bah! Do what you want, but you better clean its shit. And don’t let her sit on the couch!”
With a yell of victory, the dog found itself in the arms of its new owner, swinging carefully from one side to another.
Finally, the joke got to Logan “Am I supposed to be a stray beast?”
Without bothering to look at him, Wade simply replied “Of course, what else could you be?”
The worst Wolverine sat on the couch, defeated, while he looked at how Wade moved the dog around the house, showing her the different rooms. After a couple of minutes, Wade’s warning was fulfilled, as he let the dog on the floor and rushed to reclaim his porcelain throne.
Silence dominated now the flat, giving Logan the space he needed to assimilate the situation. He had no idea where to find a new sleeping spot. He had no job, no money, and knew nobody in this dimension. Contrary to his previous statement, it was clear that staying at Wade's place was unavoidably going to be a long sentence in exchange for starting all over again.
Suddenly the weight of this three days adventure fell on his shoulders. Letting a deep sigh, he passed a hand through his hair, wishing to get a cold shower. This TVA robe he got was pretty comfortable, although very warm, so slowly he took it off and tossed it aside. His entire body ached, and so he closed his eyes and rested his head on a small cushion.
After an hour or so, Wade came out of the bathroom with his Hello Kitty pijama on, after taking a dump and then a shower (it is the correct order to do things, he assured) and was blessed with the sight of a shirtless Logan drooling peacefully over a cushion. The man looked extremely tired, and Wade didn't have the heart to wake him up and tell him to wash his ass, because he was stinking the sofa. Instead, he went into his and Al's room looking for another Hello Kitty pijama, folded it, and placed it next to his guest. On top of it, it was also a Polaroid of Logan in that same position, with an ink heart drawn under the photo.
Wade finally kissed Mary Poppins' head again and wished her a good night. "Be a sweetie and lick his face for me while he sleeps. He'd never let me do that. But be careful, he bites, and talking from experience, it hurts." And with that, he was ready to go back to his not-fully-his bed (which he had missed quite a lot) and try to sleep as much as he could.
Logan slowly woke up covered in sweat. This place was very warm, and he hadn't got used to it. "Where the fuck am I?" He thought loudly. Then all of the sudden, he realised that the dream he was having was not really a dream but a compilation of his last three days of existence. With a grunt, he stood up and noticed that his cheek was full of saliva, same as the cushion he had placed his head on, and felt so embarrassed, but not as much as what the Polaroid made him feel. "Idiot..." He growled.
Staring at the Hello Kitty pijama was a challenge. Its bright pink pants full of tiny little cat silhouettes and the white shirt with the cat's gigant head in the middle of it made his eyes shut in shame. Wouldn't it be better sleeping naked? No, no way he would give Wade the chance to fantasize more about him than he already did. At least Al couldn't see him wear it, besides, if he took it off before Wade woke up, everything would be ok. Although he didn't have anything else to wear besides his broken suit and the TVA robe, but that was a problem for future Logan.
Present Logan was too busy heading straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and entering the shower to care about the pijama. Feeling the cold water running through his face was a delight, a kiss from God (Although he didn't believe since decades ago). It had the effect to shut up those thoughts and fully submerge himself into numbness comfort. After a while like that, he grabbed the shampoo bottle and began scrubbing his head. His face frowned while watching how the water quickly changed from transparent, to red, to brown. "Disgusting" He spat.
The more he scrubbed off, the darker the water became, making him feel ashamed on how much he had gone without taking proper care of himself, and sighing because of it. "No more."
After his well deserved shower, he dried himself with a random towel he found next to the sink, drank some mouthwash to eliminate the flavour of blood and alcohol that had been accumulated through time, and finally, had the courage to put his pijama on. He thought on getting out of the bathroom before watching his reflection, but after meditating it, Logan had the courage to look at himself in the mirror, looking as silly as possible. His wet hair stuck to his forehead, his dark circles and his beard that hadn't been shaved contrasted with that white and pink pijama which screamed innocence.
And for the first time in... He had forgotten how long, Logan allowed himself to smile while looking at himself, and even better, to laugh a little. "It was the right decision..."
Then he got out of the bathroom, placed the Polaroid in the fridge with a rusty penis-shaped magnet, and sat back on the couch, falling asleep instantly.
Three minutes passed, and Wade quietly peeped from his bedroom to look at Logan, completely asleep (and snoring) with his matching pijamas on. He giggled, and went back to bed.
This new start was going to be good for both. They could feel it.