Chapter Text
One of the things that Dorian liked about Bern was his gentleness. But more than once he had seen that gentleness warp his behavior, that fear of hurting others in the moment sheltering them from needed truth. Like when they had found that elf boy who'd done some sort of demon summoning out on the Exalted Plains. He'd never told the clan what the boy had done, had called him brave even!
And that kindness turned to self-sacrifice too quickly. He never slept enough, too eager to take every burden onto his wide shoulders. He would bully Cullen to bed, then spend another few hours deep into the black night pouring over the war table and reports.
Dorian fiddled with the birthright hanging from his neck. Bern wanted to take care of everyone, even if it meant he didn't get what he wanted.
And yet, even knowing that…
Bern had not fought very hard for Dorian to stay in the Inquisition.
Of course, after what he'd seen at the Temple of Mythal, Dorian knew he had to go back, and he knew he couldn't pull the Inquisitor away from his fledgling organization. But he'd been expecting a bit more pushback than a request to come along and then a watery smile and understanding when Dorian rebuffed him.
They hadn't talked about it since.
Granted, it was busy. The majority of the Inquisition's forces were still stuck down south, and the advisors had only just returned and… And…
And Dorian couldn't shake the creeping fingers of doubt.
--
That night, he didn't spend the night in Bern's room. The only reaction was the next morning, when Bern asked at breakfast if he'd been feeling alright, nothing but gentle concern.
He didn't think he was being played. Bern was too honest for that. But Dorian couldn't help but wonder how equal their feelings were here. Bern would throw himself in front of a blade for him, but Dorian knew he'd do the same for any of his friends. Or even a stranger, if the stranger didn't prove to be an ass prior to the blade's fall. But Dorian… Well, Dorian didn't want to examine his feelings too closely.
Corypheus proved an easy enough distraction.
--
The party was perfect, thanks to Lady Montilyet. There was enough alcohol floating around that even the Bull was getting tipsy. Bern was a giggling mess as he sat with Sera and Cole, being plied with drinks by fawning drunken courtiers.
Dorian sat farther away, watching quietly. His wrist twinged as he swirled the wine in his glass—it had been sprained in the fight. He and Bern had spoken earlier. He'd asked when Dorian was leaving.
It had been easy enough to make a joke of it (Trying to get rid of me so soon?) but it had stung regardless. He refilled his glass and emptied it just as quickly. Sera was trying to teach Bern a tongue-twister and both of them were failing abysmally.
When Bern got up and wished everyone good night, walking to the stairs to his quarters, Dorian went to follow him. Fuck if anyone noticed, they were drunk anyway. Dorian's smile was perfectly in place as he nudged Bern through the door, and his heart couldn't help but lighten at the smile he received in return.
--
For over three months, Dorian put off his return. Bern didn't seem to be complaining about it. But when Dorian received a letter from Maevaris, asking when he was planning to show his face in Qarinus, he knew it was time.
That night, as sweat cooled on their skin, Dorian told the darkness, "I've arranged passage to Tevinter with a merchant caravan in two weeks' time."
Bern's fingers, which had been idly drifting up and down Dorian's back, stopped. "I see," Bern said. "I assume you'll have to meet the ship's captain in some coastal city?"
"Yes, I'll need to meet him in Jader." It was a week's journey, at a normal pace.
In the muted light of stars and moon, Bern's expression was murky. "I'll miss you, Dorian," he said at last. His hands moved, coming up to cradle Dorian's face, guiding their lips to meet.
As Dorian pulled away, he couldn't help but to test the bindings of this… relationship. "So…" he began softly. "Sex."
A low chuckle rumbled beneath Dorian's chest. "Yes, that is what just happened, kadan."
Dorian frowned. "Well yes, but I mean… I'll be in Tevinter. You'll be here."
The tone of Bern's voice shifted, turned serious. "Yes… What are you asking, Dorian?"
Dorian hated the flatness of Bern's voice, controlled, always so damn controlled. He knew it was years of work, years of showing everyone that he was a Good Qunari, not a mindless, raving monster. But Dorian almost wished he'd yell. "I'm asking what you want to do about it."
"That depends. Are you saying you want my permission to sleep with other people while we're apart?"
Damn Lady Montilyet and her etiquette drills. Dorian could hear her careful tones echoed in Bern's voice. His hands were no longer touching Dorian at all. Dorian didn't answer, taking a coward's way out, allowing a tacit affirmative.
Magic twitched under Dorian's fingertips. He wanted light for this. He wanted to see Bern's face clearly, but he restrained the urge.
"If that's what you want," Bern said quietly. "You have my permission, if I have yours."
Dorian's heart tightened. He'd wanted possession, wanted jealousy, proof that this was more. So what was this relationship then? Just long-term bedmates? The very thought of Bern sleeping with someone else turned Dorian's stomach worse than the Waking Sea.
But the only words that came out of his mouth were, "You have it."
--
They didn't talk about it after that.
Bern fussed over him the day he left. "Please write to me as soon as you can," he said, big hand smoothing over Dorian's horse's neck for a fourth time. "Tell me if you need anything."
Dorian looked to the little squad of templars who would be accompanying him. "I think I'll be fine, amatus."
The one in charge of them, named Darrow he believed, gave him a nod.
"I'll write to Magister Tilani if I don't hear from you soon," Bern said. He touched Dorian's arm, looking up at him with want in his eyes. "I'll miss you."
"And I you." Dorian pressed his lips to Bern's forehead, smiling a little. "I have to say, I quite like being the taller one."
Bern chuckled, but it cracked at the edges.
Dorian wondered if he would be grabbed off the horse and brought somewhere, just to delay the inevitable that much longer.
But no, Bern swallowed and stepped back, smiling at Dorian again. "Take care, kadan. I look forward to your letters."
Their final kiss goodbye was passionate but brief, before distance and howling winds made Skyhold vanish behind him.