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Even though he had done this little routine for a while, Kalim couldn’t help but shudder as the night’s cold air constantly nipped at the back of his neck. Still, he continued to hum the song’s melody, emphasizing the parts he still couldn’t get right with a wave of an arm, his bracelets hitting each other to make a clinking sound. Now and then, he’d take a break, zoning out for a while before snapping back to reality and continuing where he left off.
“If that’s how you feel, then win!” Grim’s voice echoed in his mind as Kalim sang the entire song once more. Of course, they have to, it’s the entire purpose of this boot camp. Vil would have their heads if the opposite were to be true...
So yes, Kalim has to absolutely win this! He’ll continue to spend the nights singing to himself, ensuring he has correctly gotten the moves and notes for that victorious moment. To prove that he is capable of earning things by himself; for his sake, as well as Jamil's.
Often, when Kalim finds himself deep in his thoughts, he seems to imagine Jamil a lot (along with many other unrelated things). He thinks about Jamil's sacrifices for him, the trouble he went through to complete his duty, and their fight.
Kalim wondered if things could've been different.
He imagined himself being more independent, telling Jamil to please not carry his umbrella for him. Jamil would push the fact that he is there to serve him as Kalim laughed while stating that Jamil is his friend, nothing less.
Maybe, Jamil would smile at that. Maybe they’d be friends, perhaps something more.
“Hm, in the end though,” Kalim hummed to himself in between the lyrics, “it’s not going to happen, is it?”
“What is?” A cool voice answered, sending Kalim into shock as he turned his body around to see his new companion. A delicate frown formed on his face, “Oh, don't look at me like that. It makes it seem like I scared you on purpose.”
“Jamil! Since when were you here?” He laughed nervously as his fingers traced the bumps on his bracelet, hoping that it would get him through the conversation. Kalim didn’t have the heart to admit it—to anyone or himself—but talking to Jamil alone had been a little hard ever since the role distribution.
Sure, the first few weeks after the overblot were also awkward but Jamil, at least to Kalim, was completely justified in his actions! He could see that now after a moment in his shoes, being secondary to someone for so long… Kalim wondered if Jamil had ever sulked over it as he was doing.
Somehow the unknown made him admire Jamil even more.
“Just now. Since when were you here?” He pocketed his hands into his hoodie, his only source of protection from the windy night. Kalim couldn’t imagine the pajamas he donned being a reliable source of warmth. Now that he thought about it, Kalim must’ve left his jacket in his room. That’s why it was colder than usual.
Kalim opened his mouth before closing it when nothing came to his mind. Eventually, he settled on an answer, “I’m not sure, maybe around… twenty minutes?”
Jamil stared at him, “Twenty minutes— it's been a whole hour you…” He hesitated, inhaling sharply. He continued when his voice was less sharp, “You've been gone for quite some time.”
“Have I?” He shrugged, “Didn't feel like it. I guess I was too into it.”
“Doing what exactly?”
“Practicing, of course! Need to get the notes right or else all of Vil's hard work is going to waste.”
He rolled his eyes at that, his brows furrowing slightly. “If you’re tired in the morning, it'll only set us back. It's no use.”
“I guess that’s true,” Kalim said, trying his best to ignore the slight pang in his heart. One day, he’ll address it. “But trying is tons better than just sitting around, moping. How else am I going to pull my own weight?”
At that, Jamil made a startled laugh along with furrowed brows. He stared at Kalim long and hard. “When did you start caring about that?”
“Seeing you work so hard is really inspiring, it motivates me,” he replied, feeling the edge of his lips tugged upwards into a huge smile. Despite Jamil’s widened eyes, Kalim continued, “You sing and dance so well, not only that but you’re also really smart. It makes me want to keep up with you, I think that’s when it all began.”
Jamil’s cheeks darkened as he sheepishly admitted, “I didn’t mean that as an actual question, y’know.”
“Oh.” Kalim nodded slowly before laughing. The bracelets in his arms clashed with one another, making a harmonious sound when he waved, as though trying to physically wave the conversation away. “Oh, right! Forgot about the whole sarcastic thing you've been keeping from me.”
“I have not been keeping that a secret,” Jamil uttered, playing with the front fabric of his hoodie as he looked down at his feet.
“Yes, you have. Yuu and Grim keep telling me that.”
At the mention of those two, Jamil frowned immediately, the blush on his cheeks disappearing. “Why are you so chummy with those two nowadays?”
“Really? That’s good to hear! Yuu’s a very kind person, and Grim is really funny! Who wouldn’t want to be close with them?”
“Yes, I wonder who wouldn't.” His frown seemed to have turned into a scowl. Oh no, was that another sarcastic remark? Man, it’s a bit tricky figuring Jamil's ‘new-found’ speech habit.
“You don't like it if I'm close to them?”
“Don’t put words into my mouth!” His voice raised, startling Kalim. Immediately, Jamil’s face flushed as he looked away from Kalim, his hands balled into fists beside him.
Kalim really can’t understand him at all… Somehow that made him feel sad, like he had failed at being a good friend even more.
“I'm sorry,” Kalim attempted, finding it even harder to look at Jamil or stop his fingers from fidgeting with his bracelet. “I didn't mean to do that, I was asking you that sincerely. Please don't be upset, Jamil.”
There was a slight twinge of disbelief in Jamil's eyes, but eventually, he settled on a soft sigh. “I'm not angry,” he said plainly. When Kalim didn’t say a word, he continued, “I really am not. Look, I know I haven't been… truthful to you but I'm being honest right now.”
Kalim let his words hang in the air for a bit, the sound of his breathing being the only thing he could hear, before nodding in relief. “I’m sorry,” he told him once more.
“Like I was saying, it’s unnecessary.”
He shook his head. “I’m saying sorry because it took so long for me to understand you. You must’ve felt so alone.”
For a while, Jamil didn’t say anything which caused Kalim to look down at his feet as he waited anxiously. A low hum entered his ears as Kalim’s gaze remained on his sandals.
“You wanna know something?” Jamil asked quickly, his tone seemed neutral. “You’re very good at making people want to be liked by you. It’s highly unfair, makes it seem like I don’t have a good reason to hate you.”
Slowly, Kalim steeled himself to look at Jamil… Well, the areas surrounding him at least. “That’s ok,” he replied, trying to sound sure. “I think even if you don’t have a good reason, I’d probably still try hard to befriend you again, to get you to like me genuinely.”
He scoffed as he folded his arms in front of his chest. ”Maybe that’s the reason why I’m like this,” he continued. “I want to tell you to stay away from me, tell you all sorts of horrible things but I feel like I might just die if someone else replaces me.”
Kalim felt one of his eyebrows raised at that. He remembered how Jamil's features soured when Kalim mentioned Grim and Yuu, and how he got defensive immediately. Jamil's not one to react so impulsively, he thought because if he was, their fight would have happened ages ago.
Jamil chose to stay by his side even after stating he hated him. He kept cooking dishes for Kalim even when he insisted he'd fill his stomach on his own now (even if it took a burning kitchen to do so).
Perhaps it was because of duty but to Kalim, Jamil is still kind to him because why would someone go look for someone they hate? Why would they look unhappy at the possibility that the person they hate has found a new friend? Could it be…
“Jamil,” Kalim called out, shortening the distance between them with every step until he could see the tiniest wrinkle on the other’s forehead, “are you jealous?”
He looked away, cheeks burning once more. “The cold is affecting the very few thinking brain cells that you have.”
“Are you?” He asked again, the question coming out softer than anticipated.
Jamil didn’t say anything, choosing to scoff at the question. As Kalim tilted his head, however, that dark shade on his cheeks spread all over his face as he pulled his hood up.
“There you go again,” he huffed underneath the safety of his hood. “Saying embarrassing things as always. It really pisses me off.”
“Do you want me to stop then?” He added quickly, “And be honest, like really honest. Please.”
“...No. No, not really.”
“Ok then—” Kalim forced himself to look at Jamil, to really get a good look at the dark gray eyes that widened as Kalim held the side of his arm like Jamil could run away any second. “I don't want anyone else to replace you. I like you, I really do, Jamil. Even if you don’t, I will always like you.”
“You say that but you told Yuu first that—” he muttered before stopping himself.
A small laugh exited Kalim which only made Jamil attempt to escape his grip.
“Stop laughing!” He groaned, still within Kalim's reach.
“I'm sorry, it's just—” he laughed once more. “I never thought you could be a little childish.”
“Childish he says! Oh, I've reached a new low.”
“ And that's a good thing! It means you're allowing yourself to be honest! You can't be upset at me for not coming to you first when you're barely meeting me halfway too.”
“Fine! Let's do just that: I am jealous because maybe I would've liked to know first that you're capable of feeling negative emotions, that you can be as petty as me.” He paused. “Happy?”
Kalim let his cheeks puff up as his smile grew wider, “Absolutely.”
“Right,” Jamil pushed his arms off of him, “I think we should head back now. I doubt you wanted to stick around for this long—”
“One more thing.”
Before he could respond with anything, Kalim pulled him in, his arms tightening around Jamil's back. “Thank you for still sticking by despite everything,” he said. “You mean so much to me, and I promise, I'll make it up to you one day.”
Kalim was often told that his hugs were too tight, suffocating even. He wondered if Jamil was internally complaining about that same thing too but his train of thought was halted by the warmth of two hands on his own back.
“I hardly doubt it but ok.”
Kalim wondered why he had complained about tonight being too cold.