Chapter Text
"his eyes are opening!"
"yeah, but that also happens when people die."
"JEFF!! JEFF, WAKE UP,"
"don't slap him..."
Jeff lets out a low groan without meaning to, his eyes adjusting to hospital lighting and more than 65 colours. he can feel someone's hand on his face, and he murmurs, "I'm awake, I'm awake..."
everyone around him cheers and shouts, and damn if that doesn't warm his heart a bit.
"Jeff, have you been keeping your birthday a secret...?" Annie asks, and he can't be bothered to look but she's definitely doing the Disney princess eyes.
Hickey scoffs, "yeah, most people have cake, not a fifth of Scotch and whatever the hell this is."
why is he even here?
Jeff is so tired.
he feels his neck go hot when Shirley reads out the packet of those stupid fucking youth pills... he really didn't need his second biggest insecurity broadcasted to all his friends, but okay, guess he should have expected that. his voice sounds too quiet and shaky when he speaks.
"guys. I'm forty."
he hears the fake surprise in their voices, because of course he's forty. that's the only upside of Buzz being there, that at least now he won't be the token old man of the group. everything they're saying is blurring together.
"I had the weirdest dream..." he says quietly, squinting to remember it. if he almost closes his eyes, he can nearly see all the GI Joe characters instead of his friends. jesus christ, he's turning into Abed. "we were all cartoons, like in an episode of GI Joe..."
he can hear the almost-smile in Abed's voice. "so, you had a breakdown related to a fear of change where you saw all of us as animated? hey, remember that Christmas when I-"
"YES." everyone choruses, exasperated.
Britta changes the subject, correctly assuming that being compared to his craziest friend was not helping Jeff in his fragile state. "we got you a birthday present! the hospital gift shop didn't have much selection, but..." she hands him a brown paper bag, which he opens with barely shaking hands. it's a mug, the baby blue writing reading "it's a (old) boy!" with the old scrawled in black marker. the 'old' is somewhat a harsh stab between the ribs, but it's lessened by the seven smiling faces in front of him. and since he's not an infant, he chuckles and says thank you like a functional human who can take a joke. which he is.
inwardly groaning, he puts on a smile and says, "bring it in, you guys." partly so that Abed can have his stupid end-of-the-episode moment, and damnit, partly just because he wants a hug from his friends.
everyone trickles out. first Buzz, then Shirley, then Ben and Craig, then Britta, and then Annie is fussing over his pillows or something while Abed probes him for every detail of his GI Joe dream.
"so, what was my name?" he asks, enthralled.
"Fourth Wall, I already said."
Abed smiles, "on the nose, but fitting, I guess. and Shirley's?"
"Three Kids," he chuckles.
"that's rough. we all got cool names based off our defining personality features, even you got a mediocre pun on your name, but she just got her kids? it's sad that that's her main trait in your subconscious, Jeff," Abed scolds.
"well, my subconscious is sorry then? I don't know what to say to that," Jeff laughs.
Abed ponders, "I suppose it does reflect the way Shirley's character developed. she started off with so much potential to evolve with the rest of the group beyond her roles as a mother and wife, but in the end she changed within those roles."
"what d'you mean?"
"I mean, like with you. you didn't learn to become a better fake lawyer, you evolved and became a real lawyer. but with Shirley... or, I guess those two things aren't comparable."
Jeff laughs, "are you seriously comparing being a mother to being a shit lawyer with a fake degree? damn, Abed."
Abed smiles regretfully, biting his lip. "no, you're right, my bad. I guess Shirley didn't need to develop outside of her character. maybe she was just content."
Jeff frowns. "yeah. maybe."
he doesn't like thinking about the other option.
"um, Abed?" thankfully Annie interrupted the silence. "I'm gonna head now, want a lift back?"
"I'm good, thanks. I'm staying with Jeff a little while longer," he waves as Annie blows kisses to both of them, before leaving.
Jeff raises his eyebrows. "you are, are you?"
"yes," Abed says simply, before continuing, "I'd like to hear more about your halluci-"
"dream," Jeff interrupts firmly. "and why? I already told you everything."
Abed leans against Jeff's heart monitor machine, beeping steadily to fill the gaps in conversation. "it's interesting to me. the way our subconscious reactions to sudden change parallel each other. if you're okay to talk about it, of course."
Jeff groans, "yeah, fine, whatever. but I think my "subconscious reaction" had more to do with my fifth of Scotch and a handful of pills than... you know," he raised his eyebrows pointedly. "being crazy. and turning forty wasn't exactly sudden, I had forty years to prepare myself."
Abed speaks coldly, "I'm not crazy." before continuing in his normal, flat tone, "and maybe turning forty wasn't a surprise, but your reaction probably was. I know you're insecure about your age, but did you plan on drinking enough Scotch to pass out?"
"...well. not exactly."
Abed suddenly looks on alert, as Jeff would suddenly lunge and strangle Abed for no apparent reason. "did you try and kill yourself?"
"what the fuck- geez, no need to sugar coat it, Abed."
"I was only asking. it seemed in character for you, especially considering today's events."
Jeff chuckles, "thanks a lot, wow. and no, I did not. I just planned to have one drink, and call it an early night, since I'm now officially middle-aged..."
"don't worry. you're still in the desirable 18-49 age range for almost another decade, if that helps." Abed smiles slightly.
"weirdly, it does." Jeff grins in spite of himself, sipping on his room temperature water from a plastic cup.
"I'm glad," Abed says quietly, glancing over at Jeff. looking at him, you wouldn't guess that five hours ago, he was about twelve fluid ounces of scotch away from death by overdose. it's a dark thought but it's been a dark day. he'd rather not think about Jeff having those few extra shots, especially not when he looks so... normal. eyes half closed from exhaustion, gripping his plastic cup a little too loosely as the water threatens to spill over his lap.
Jeff would hate how weak he looks right now, but Abed rather likes it.