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It’s cold. It’s so unbelievably cold. I miss your touch. You made me so warm. You loved me so much, and it was so warm. But it’s gone now. I don't know where I am, and I don't know who I am anymore. I can barely see. This snow is blocking everything. I feel like I'm going in circles. I hate it here. I want to go home. I want you to hold me.
… Who are you?
I can't remember your face, or your voice. Who are you? Why don’t I remember you? I want to, but you’re gone. I can’t see my surroundings, and I can't see my brain. I’m so cold, and I’m so lost. I need you. Please. Save me. Whoever you are, whoever is in my head, Save Me.
Aralon hadn’t slept well since they arrived in town. It was the only thing in the world he hated. He hated it so much, and he was back again. He should have told Nyrik to go alone, she would've been understanding, he knew she would, but he was scared. He didn’t like being left alone, and he knew she wanted to stay for a while. He should have stayed home.
“Min skatt¹, are you up yet?” Aralon heard Nyrik say as she knocked on the door. He wished he wasn’t awake. He wasn’t ready to face the day.
“I’ll be out soon, Solstråle².” He did not make a move to get up.
“May I come in, skatt?” She sounded so worried, and he did not like it one bit.
He sighed and gave her permission. The first thing Nyrik did when she got in the room was throw a water bottle at Aralon. She missed horrendously, and went to sit by him, not picking up the water bottle. He did not like the look on her face. It made him uncomfortable. Nyrik, Nyrik Elden, was not supposed to have her face contorted with concern. She had to stay ignorant, so he wouldn’t be a bother. He couldn't be a bother to her.
“Aralon what's wrong? You’ve been acting odd since we got here… If you didn’t want to come you could have told me,” He did not like this at all. She should be having fun with her friends. He should not be holding her back. He did not want to exist at this moment. “Aralon, answer me, please,” he hated how she sounded like she was pleading. She should not plead to someone like him.
Aralon opened his mouth, words failing him. He felt so hopeless. She looked just as hopeless as he felt, and it destroyed him. He wanted so badly to tell her it was fine, and to enjoy her vacation, but he couldn’t .
Nyrik cupped his cheeks, and kissed his forehead, he leaned into the touch, “You don’t need to answer me right now, I’m sorry. Just,” her voice caught in her throat, “tell me if I did something wrong. Please, I can’t make it right if you don’t tell me what I did.” He wanted to punch her, to make her take it back. She had to know she’s never done anything wrong. She had to.
“It’s not you. It’s not. I promise.” Aralon finally managed. She didn’t seem to believe him, though. She pulled his face in and leaned his forehead against his. He would find comfort in it, if he was in a better state of mind. He felt like he was drowning in honey.
“You don’t have to lie to me, I knew you wouldn’t want to come, but I made-” He didn’t hear the rest, his mind blanked when she said she made him come.
“You didn’t make me, I chose to come. It’s nothing you did, Solstråle. You’re perfect, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You can’t truly believe that, Aralon. No one is perfect, and I’m far from it. I’m not on some pedestal.” He truly felt like he was going to explode now, he made her upset and he was never going to be forgiven. His life was over. He could barely see her anymore from the tears that were flooding his eyes. Weak. He tried to blink them away, but it just made them fall. Pathetic.
Nyrik’s thumbs immediately moved to wipe away his tears. Useless. Aralon truly wanted to fade away. He shouldn't need her to comfort him. She shouldn't worry about him.
“Skatt, please. Tell me what's wrong. Please don't cry…” Aralon knew he had to tell her. He didn't want to be the reason for an argument. He wanted to assure her that it wasn't her fault.
He couldn't. He couldn't get his vocal cords to work, and it was frustrating him to no end. All Aralon could do was open his mouth, gasp an inhale, and continue crying. Worthless. He wanted to become sand and be washed away by the waves, which were nowhere near him right now.
Nyrik's hands left his face, and he wished desperately that they would return.
“I'll leave you be. Just, come to me when you're ready, Min skatt.” Aralon wanted to scream. He wanted to yell at her and tell her to stay. He didn't want her to leave. A sob wracked through him, and he felt so hopeless.
“Jeg elsker deg³, Min skatt.” And she was gone. The door was closed and he was alone. Again.