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Eddie has thought in all of the scenarios of what will happen if he tells Buck how he feels. Surprise, surprise in Eddie’s head they all end with him being pitied by his best friend. Eddie had a lot of time to think during the summer Chris was gone, therapy was obviously the biggest part in it. The first time he even managed to get the words “I’m gay” out into the world was when he was laying in his bed at 3am looking at the ceiling because the doubt of Chris never coming back home after what he did to his son and to himself. But there he was muttering the words into the empty of his dark and cold, lifeless room. The next five words after that came out much easier, “Im in love with Buck”, because loving Buck was like… well its was like breathing. Then he remembered the times he fixated his gaze on Buck a little longer than he should, the hands on the hollow of his back, the casual waist “grabs” to pass through each other, the rare but meaningful hugs Eddie wishes he could never leg go of, the memory of Hen’s face when he said he felt like he needed to “perform” when in relationships and/or dates with women. Everything had just fallen into place and Eddie was at peace with it, feeling like he was okay to be who he had repressed for many years.
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Buck was over and Chris was at Denny’s. Eddie had invited Buck for a few beers,dinner and a movie, normal Buckley Diaz activities. Buck cooked dinner has he often did and was now doing the dishes while Eddie observed, Buck insisted in doing them and he made Eddie sit there and watch, and thought “I could have this, this would be the perfect us”. Those thoughts lingered in his mind for another five minutes when he suddenly, “I’m in love with you” and Buck visibly froze with a plate in hand and those hideous lime green gloves he’d gotten to take to Eddie’s house because he hates the feeling of wet food and the way his fingers get all wrinkled because of the water. “What did you say?” Buck asked in a whisper almost, his voice trembled at the last word. Eddie didn’t even notice he’d said it until he did and Buck asked what he had said. “I said I’m in love with you. I know its really out of nowhere here but…” “Why?”,Buck interrupts. “What do you mean why?”, Eddie asked with a tremble to his voice and continues “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done because I’ve done it for so, so long but hadn’t even noticed before I blew my life and was forced to look at it and dissect it even more.”, Eddie kept going, “You deserve to be loved in the same way YOU love someone, you love deeply and put so much effort in your relationships. I thought no one deserved you because no one could ever love you the way you loved them… not Abby,not Taylor,not Natalia and most definitely not Tommy.” Buck was still with his back to Eddie, he still had the plate in his hand, Eddie noticed and stopped talking when he saw Buck’s back move a little like he was… crying? “Buck?” Eddie said with the softest voice. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything-“, Eddie starts but Buck, “I, um shit. I-“. Buck puts the plate back in the sink with the utmost care like its such a precious object he can’t ever break like he doesn’t want to break Eddie’s heart ever because this is “it” for him, the fantasy of the three of them, Buck,Eddie and Chris, had crossed his mind countless times as a beautiful but distant possibility. He stripped the lime green gloves off and finally turned to face Eddie. Eddie’s face was flushed,his eyes glossy as he looked like he was about to cry. “Do you really mean all that? Because Eddie I- fuck-“, Eddie interrupts, “I mean it. All of it, you’re “it” for me Buck. I haven’t been so sure of something, well rather someone in my life, I understand if you don’t f-“ “Don’t even say that. God if I’m dreaming the universe must really hate me. Because I feel all of that for you too, I love you too.”, Buck manages to get out while looking in Eddie’s eyes in a way he had never dared to look at him. He walks over to Eddie who was still on the other side of the kitchen island, offers his hand so Eddie gets up and he immediately holds both of Eddie’s hands and brings them to his lips kissing his knuckles one by one. “I would rather you’d kiss me right now. Please. The universe might be screaming even.” Eddie says in a low voice almost a plea even though he says the word please, the word itself its a just a pleasantry, the tone of Eddie’s voice is soft and almost desperate. So Buck places Eddie’s hands on his neck and they immeasurably go to his face, Eddie rubs his thumbs across Buck’s cheeks like he’s something precious and worth taking the time to touch and appreciate, he is. Buck’s hands land on Eddie’s hips who shakes under his touch. Eddie’s hands move to Buck’s neck and hair, he swooshes his hands across Buck’s curls and Buck leans into the touch. And so he notices Eddie is waiting for him to make the next move almost in a plea that sounds like “I’ve been brave enough to get here so please be braver for me”, so Buck does so he leans in and he sees Eddie part his lips and they’re softer than Buck could ever imagine. Their mouths move in synchronicity, the kiss turns from soft to desperate, hands everywhere in his hair, his neck, the curve of his jaw, his upper arms. Eddie lets out a sound that Buck wishes he could keep to himself forever, he will. They finally separate but they’re still entangled in each other, Buck’s arms around Eddie’s waist, Eddie still holding on to Buck’s shoulders. They’re just smiling and giggling, Buck is so red and Eddie just looks so mesmerized with the sight in front of him. He can’t believe he just kissed his best friend, if he’s being honest it was the best kiss of his life ,the butterflies were there, the chills running up and down his entire being. It was everything. Everything Eddie had ever wished for and seemingly never found with anyone, not Ana, not Marisol not even Shannon if he’s being honest to himself. He just kept holding on to the man in front of him who was quiet almost like he was afraid to say the wrong thing so Eddie just “I love you.” almost in a whisper and Buck plants a kiss right under his left eye where he has a beauty mark, another one on his nose, then his cheek, then the corner of his mouth and finally on his lips. This kiss was much softer and tender, no tongue just a touch of lips. “I love you too, if that wasn’t clear.” and Eddie just laughed, astonished to the fact that he can have this and have him. “I have imagined this so many times and none of them ended like this.”, Buck hums, they’re still embracing each other in the middle of Eddie’s kitchen, the sink still has dirty dishes, Buck is still red. “Wow I must really live in your head huh”Buck says smirking. “I really love you, you know? This isn’t some spark of the moment thing, you’re it for me Evan Buckley.”,Eddie says in a serious tone. “I love you too, you’re it for me. God the times I imagined this, us, me you and Chris. It was just a beautiful fantasy. If I’d known you were an option I would’ve never wanted anyone else. Not Taylor, not Natalia, not Tommy.” Eddie just smiled and untangled himself from Buck’s hold and just smiles ,his eyes glossy with tears, because this is all he ever wanted even when he didn’t realize it yet. “You thought about, us?”
“Yeah so many times even when I didn’t know I liked guys like that, I imagined it but it could never happen so I just settled for what we had and took as much as I could.” Buck confesses and smiles, god Eddie really loves his smile. So Eddie kisses him again and again and again when he stops and says “How about we finish this dishes and go on to my couch and pretend for watch a movie?”, and he winks, he fucking winks and its enough to get Buck all hot and bothered so he grabs Eddie by the hands and leads him to the couch “Those dishes can wait, I’ve waited enough for this.”