Work Text:
21.33, Charlie ❤️🐱🖕🏼
nickynackynoonoo
are u drunk yet
where are my drunk texts
21:43, Nick ❤️🐶🖕🏼
No :(
Heartbreaking, I know
I’ll do shots once we go out and give you all the drunken sap you so desire, my love
okay and
that will also include thirst traps right??
because the hair
i need to make the most of it before it grows back
it’s already growing so fast :((((((((((
Oh, but you don’t love me for my looks, do you?
Thirsty little twat xxx
can u fucking blame me???
have you seen a mirror in your life?
Fine. I’ll send you drunk bathroom selfies along with the drunken sap
But you have to send me something back to make it worth my while xx
hm.
leave it with me, nelson
go have fun. be a drunken bisexual mess all over leeds in my honour xxx
On it *salute*
Love you xxxxx
i love u 2 u cunt x
so fucking romantic
🖕🏼🖕🏼
Charlie chucks his phone back on his bed and turns back to his laptop. He’s in a mad dash to finish his essay before he heads up to Leeds tomorrow to pick up the pieces of what will probably be a very hungover, very grumpy boyfriend. Frankly, Charlie doesn’t care. They have no plans this weekend other than to enjoy each other for the first time since Nick was in London a few weeks ago. Charlie doesn’t actually plan on letting Nick leave his bed all that much, to be perfectly honest. He’s not really sure what’s come over him since Nick shaved his head, but fucking hell is he excited to have Nick to himself again.
He throws himself into writing to pass the time until Drunk Nick appears in his DMs. When Charlie’s phone eventually does buzz again, he all but dives for it, thirsty as fuck for whatever Nick is going to give him.
23:22, Nick ❤️🐶🖕🏼
Shot one consumed
Prepare yourself xx
Charlie grins and settles back against his pillow, closing his laptop and sliding it off his legs.
23.22, Charlie ❤️🐱🖕🏼
oh i am prepared
are your arms out?
they better be
anyway. waiting so very patiently xxxxxxxx
When he doesn’t get a response in the next thirty seconds, Charlie remembers Nick’s request from earlier. He smirks to himself as he sits up to take his t-shirt off – or, more accurately, one of Nick’s old t-shirts. So he likes his boyfriend’s clothes, sue him. He snaps a quick picture of himself, making sure the nipple ring that Nick loves so much is on full display, and sends it off. And then he waits.
And waits.
And fucking well waits.
00.15, Charlie ❤️🐱🖕🏼
nicholas.
it’s been nearly an hour.
there will have been many shots consumed by now.
where are my drunken declarations of love?
where are my selfies??
where are the slurred videos of you telling me that i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you???
Charlie gives it another half an hour, dipping back into his essay now that he thinks it’s clear he’s not getting any of the goods from Nick. If Nick and his friends have gone to Queens Court, which he said they would be, Charlie knows the reception is shoddy there. Nick tends to dart out to the smoking area to text him every now and then, but it doesn’t usually happen until after 1am. He’ll just have to wait and wake up to the sap tomorrow. There are definitely worse ways to come back into consciousness, honestly.
00.42, Charlie ❤️🐱🖕🏼
okay i’m assuming you have no reception so have a good night
get chips and cheese on the way home so i don’t have to deal with you spewing tomorrow morning
love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx
00:44, Nick ❤️🐶🖕🏼
Hey
Ended up going home after the first shot, bit of a shit night tbh, so no drunk texts
Sorry
Hope you’re sleeping so you’re fresh to see me tomorrow
Love you so much. SO much ❤️
Even if I'm just some straight looking twat who is in no way good enough for you
oh yeah, so straight
you look especially straight when my dicks in ur mouth x
Yeah.
Night Char. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow xxx
nick?
you sound weird
did something happen?
I’m fine. Go to sleep, silly boy
Going to squeeze you very tight in the morning ❤️
okay, so i'm going to pretend that i believe you’re fine because you clearly want to talk to me in person about something and not bottle it up until it causes an explosion, correct?
Correct. Promise it’s nothing about you or us, just a stupid fucking night. Get some sleep and then get here pls x
Love you very very much ❤️
love you more
cuddles all day tomorrow if needed
😘😘😘😘😘
Nick heart reacts to the string of emojis, and Charlie settles back into his pillow with a heavy sigh. Well. There goes any hope of getting a good night's sleep.
Nick is waiting for him in his usual spot at the station when Charlie gets in the next morning. Charlie only gets a very quick look at his face before they crash into a hug but it's enough to know that Nick does not look good. Fuck. He tightens his grip around Nick's shoulders – and seriously, is he bigger again already? It's only been a couple of weeks – and doesn't miss the way that Nick burrows in close, refusing to let go for longer than is normal even for the world's clingiest boyfriend.
"You okay, love?" Charlie murmurs.
Nick simply grunts and squeezes his arms around Charlie's waist even tighter for a moment before he pulls back. "Let's go home."
Charlie gives Nick the time he clearly needs as they walk back to his flat hand in hand. He talks about his week, about the essay he was working on last night and all the people who annoyed the shit out of him in lectures and at work. Nick hums and nods and smiles in all the right places, squeezing his hand and pressing the occasional kiss into Charlie's curls in response to things. He's quiet and subdued, tense in the way he holds himself, and Charlie can see he's desperate to get back to the safety of his own room. Charlie has no idea what the fuck might have happened last night and his imagination is running riot, but he knows Nick. Pushing and prodding at him now isn't going to help anything.
Charlie’s patience runs out the second they arrive back at Nick’s flat though. He drags Nick straight to his room and pushes him down into a seated position on the edge of his bed. Nick blinks back up at him, surprised, so Charlie climbs into his lap and does his best koala impersonation. Physical contact is a pretty sure-fire way to calm Nick down and open him up.
He leans his head on Nick's shoulder and waits a few moments as Nick slowly relaxes under his weight.
"Fuck," he grits out eventually, and Charlie realises with a start that Nick’s been crying silently.
He jerks backwards so he can see Nick's face, red and screwed up as he tries to fight the tears. "Oh, Nick," Charlie exhales, cradling Nick's cheeks gently. "What's happened?"
"I –" Nick starts, but he's cut off by his own choked sob. Jesus Christ.
Charlie moves one hand to stroke up and down Nick's back, waiting for him to continue. After a few more shaking, deep breaths, Nick finally does.
"So, obviously you know we were out last night, right? Me and Emmy and her girlfriend and the guys from the Queer Soc. The usual lot. And we were at the bar and it was, like, right after our first shot. I took a step backwards and I - I accidentally nudged into this person. So I immediately apologised, obviously, but they... fucking hell. I turned to say sorry and they flinched. And I mean, like, fully cowered away and took several steps back and looked scared. And they – they said they didn’t want any trouble, that they just wanted to enjoy a night out with their boyfriend, and I didn’t understand what they were trying to say so I tried to lean in to hear them better and they – they, like, shoved me away, and they looked so scared. They were scared of me, Char.”
“Nick.”
“And then I realised, really fucking slow as per fucking usual, that they thought I was straight and, like, in that gay bar to cause trouble. They took one look at me and thought I was going to start a fight or something. And then they said that – that I look like the people who bullied them at school,” Nick sniffs, his eyes screwed shut. “Char, I – I don’t... I never want to...”
“Oh, bug,” Charlie comforts, gathering his sweet, sweet boy closer into his arms. He hasn’t ached like this for a very long time, like he is seeing Nick so heartbroken over this.
“I’m not, like… fuck! I’m not queer enough for queer people, you know? And I’m not straight enough for straight people, and I’m not – because I look a certain way, and I just -” Nick stops, a gasp ripping through him.
Charlie feels the tears prickling at his own eyes so he squeezes them shut, focusing everything he has on holding Nick to his body, rubbing a hand up and down his back as he heaves out choking breaths. He murmurs comforting words into Nick’s ear and waits, waits for Nick to be more present so that Charlie can make sure he knows it’s all bullshit. It’s all such fucking bullshit. He wants to fight every single person who has made Nick feel like this through his life, as if the way he looks says anything at all about the person that he is. Fucking cunts, the lot of them.
Charlie is seething. His blood is boiling and his heart is racing. The world is so fucking stupid and Charlie hates it. It’s insane. The whole fucking thing is insane. Nick is sunshine personified. He’s the softest, most gentle person that Charlie has ever met and for anyone to think otherwise is incomprehensible to him. You only have to look at Nick closely or talk to him for ten seconds to see how soft he is, to see he means no harm. Ever.
Charlie gets that Nick doesn’t look like he did when they’d first met back in form. Nick was all baby faced and gangly then, growing into himself a little awkwardly. Maybe if he saw Nick now, at a distance and with no context, he would feel a little uncertain. Nick is so big now. He’s still growing, Charlie is pretty sure of it – he notices their height difference more than he did even last year, which still blows his mind. And the transition from secondary school rugby to uni rugby was a fucking shock to the system. Nick is a gym rat now, taking fucking selfies in front of the mirrors and flexing with his friends to look “cool”. Charlie teases him mercilessly for it, but obviously he enjoys the benefits. Obviously.
Anyway. His point is that Nick is big. He’s tall and he’s wide and he’s clearly strong. Add the recent buzz cut and, yeah, Charlie could maybe see, at a stretch, how his boyfriend could look intimidating. But in his very wise opinion, that is still no fucking excuse. It’s no excuse to make assumptions and to treat Nick like that in place he is supposed to feel comfortable, too. Nick had been in a queer space, where he is meant to be safe, and someone had taken one look at him and decided he didn’t look like he belonged there?
Fuck that. Fuck fuck fuck that.
“They were an idiot,” Charlie whispers into Nick’s cheek, punctuating it with a lingering kiss to the salty, damp skin there. “They were ignorant and they shouldn’t have made you feel like that.”
“It’s not only them though, is it?” Nick mutters. “It’s everyone. It’s my dad, my brother, those idiots we met at that quiz night in London who wouldn’t believe we were together. It’s the fucking media and it’s society and it’s –”
“Okay, okay,” Charlie acquiesces. “Yes, those people are all cunts.”
Nick huffs out a noise that could almost be a laugh. “Society is a cunt?”
“Absolutely yes,” he agrees. He once told Nick, so many years ago now, that he would fight anyone who was mean to him. And yes, as it turns out, that does include the whole concept of society.
Charlie pulls back slightly to cup Nick’s face in his hands and look properly into his eyes. Nick tries to duck his head and avert his gaze but Charlie doesn’t let him, dipping his own head until Nick is forced to make eye contact again. “Nick. It’s on them, okay? None of it is a reflection on you or who you are. I know this has been, like, a common theme your whole life. And I’m also guessing that part of why you’re so upset is because you also understand where this person was coming from, too?”
Nick groans and tips backwards, falling onto his back on his bed and covering his face with his arms. Charlie yelps as he tips backwards with him, landing uncomfortably on top of Nick.
“Fucking hell, warn a guy,” he grumbles as he rearranges himself to lie next to Nick instead of nearly squashing his dick right off. Charlie absolutely could not have that.
“I actually felt guilty,” Nick admits from behind his sleeve. And yeah, there it is. “I – I felt bad for scaring them. Like, I know I was no threat to them, but they’d obviously had a bad experience with someone… someone like me before.”
“Nick. That’s the whole point, though. It wasn’t someone like you. Just because you have a similar look or whatever, that in no way makes you the same as them. You would never, could never, hurt or bully someone in that way. And for that person to look at you and make a judgement in a space where you should feel welcome and comfortable – that’s really shitty. Like, why the fuck would you be laughing and taking shots with your friends in a gay bar if you had an issue?”
"I don't know, Char. I guess people do that. They said I look like a bully. I don't want to look like a fucking bully, Charlie.”
"You don't," Charlie insists quickly. "There is literally no way to look like a bully. They could look like fucking anything, you know? It's absolutely mad to imply that there's one way to be anything. I - I don't know how I can say it to make you believe me or to make you feel better. It was a really shitty thing to happen and I'm so sorry, Nick, really, that anyone could ever look at you and make that kind of judgement. You are the most gentle person I know and I can't believe anyone could be so wrong about you."
Nick scrubs his hands down his face and then leaves them there to cover his pained expression. After a moment, he mumbles something into his own palms that Charlie doesn't quite catch.
He runs a hand up Nick's side and squeezes at his waist. "What was that, love?"
"It was stupid. Doesn't matter," Nick grumbles with a shake of his head.
"No, tell me. I can almost guarantee it wasn't stupid."
The sigh that leaves Nick is heavy and exhausted as he pulls his hands away from his face and looks at Charlie. There's a kind of desperation in his eyes that makes Charlie think he really doesn't want to repeat what he'd said, but Charlie wants to hear it so he nods encouragingly and waits.
"I just... can you really tell me, and I mean totally honestly, that if you didn't know me and you saw me in a gay bar, you wouldn't be wary?"
Charlie's breath leaves him in a rush as Nick sits up, looking away from him again. "What?"
"I'm serious. You or any of our friends or - or anyone. You thought I was straight when you first met me, right?"
And okay, Charlie may not have been expecting this line of questions, but this he knows the answer to. "Honestly?" he asks, and Nick nods, still staring at his bedroom floor. "Okay. Honestly, no. I told myself you were straight, but it was all self-preservation. I mean, my friends kept telling me you were, and it made me feel... uncomfortable, actually. I did argue with them, I told them not to make assumptions, but... yes, admittedly, I let their words get in my head. I chose to believe that because then if you... when you didn't want me, there would be a reason beyond me just not being good enough."
"Char."
"No, don't give me that tone. We're comforting you, not me," Charlie says, sitting up and nudging Nick's shoulder with his own. "Look, admittedly, I haven't always handled things around other people's sexualities in the best way, but I've tried. You know that after the way I was outed that I have never, ever wanted anyone else to have to go through that. Not even Be-"
"Ew," Nick interrupts, the smallest of smiles playing on his lips.
Charlie snorts a laugh, feeling buoyed by the marginal lift in Nick’s mood, however temporary it might be. "Yeah. And okay, maybe if I met you now out in the wild I would be wary for a second or two, but I wouldn't look at you and ‘think this man is going to hurt me’. I would think ‘wow, that is a hot piece of ass’."
Nick lets out a chuckle that seems to surprise even him. "Not the American accent, Char."
Charlie flashes him a cheeky grin. "Really, truly, honestly, I don’t think I would make any kind of decision about you if I saw you out and about, because I’ve learned the hard way how dangerous assumptions can be. I mean, look at Callum, right?"
"I do,” Nick breathes faux dreamily, definitely seeming more himself now. “Often."
"Fuck off, Nick. Seriously. Callum is pretty much your build, your height, same haircut right now. But when I first met him I didn't immediately think ‘oh my god a homophobe’. Like, why that would be anyone's first thought is beyond me."
"Right, but you knew Callum was safe because I'd told you about him."
"Okay,” Charlie allows. “Then any of the other boys from rugby who I met in the pub for the first time after that game. Nick, I honestly believe that I wouldn't be scared of you. I can see, objectively, that people of your size can get, like, typecast as a certain type of person, but... the way you hold yourself is so different than any bully I've ever met. You shrink yourself because you know how you could come across and you make a conscious effort to look less intimidating. You smile all the fucking time when you're walking down the street. It's creepy, honestly."
"Char!"
"But you do that intentionally because you know how you could be perceived. That makes all the difference, you know? You’re so aware of your size and build that you make a conscious effort to not appear a certain way. Nothing about you reads bully, nothing about you remotely comes across as someone who wants to hurt someone else. You are literally niceness personified, Nick, and everyone thinks so. I’m not only saying that because you’re my favourite person. Even my mum loves you these days.”
Nick cracks a smile at that. It’s true, Jane has been weirdly pro-Nick since Charlie had started uni, too. Charlie thinks she’s finally accepted that it wasn’t ever just a silly high school romance, and that Nick is absolutely not going anywhere.
“Sorry, Char,” Nick shudders out after a moment. “I hate wasting our time together with bullshit like this. I was so looking forward to enjoying the weekend with you.”
“Don't you dare apologise to me right now,” Charlie scolds, leaning into Nick’s side and reaching out to squeeze his knee. Nick rests his own hand on top of Charlie’s and links their fingers together. “I’m just happy to see you, whatever the situation. I don't care what form my Nick time takes so long as I get it.”
“Sap.”
“Mm, that’s me,” Charlie concedes. “What do you need now, love? We could go and get some food or play some Switch for a while? Whatever you want.”
Nick doesn’t seem to need to think about it, instead he tips backwards onto the bed again and pulls Charlie down with him, manoeuvring them until Charlie is lying flat on top of Nick’s own body. He presses his face into Charlie’s neck and, after pressing a quick kiss there, says, “cuddles, if that’s okay?”
“Ah, yes, the words of a true meanie,” Charlie responds with a barely hidden eye-roll, and then cheerfully adds, “but yes. Cuddles definitely work for me.”
Charlie doesn't let Nick wallow. There are times when he will, when either he, Nick or both of them need to hide under their duvet for the day, but today is not that kind of day. If he lets Nick sit on this it will eat him alive and he’ll internalise it for even longer than he’s already going to. Instead, Charlie agrees to a quick nap and then kicks Nick out of bed to shower and get dressed. They walk towards campus together to get lunch at the pub that Nick and his friends go to after rugby every week and then they meander around town for a while, chatting shit and ribbing each other until Nick is laughing again. Charlie can’t help the relief that floods through him when Nick starts getting cheeky again, like his normal self, but he also knows that nothing is actually fixed. Their conversation from this morning isn’t finished yet and Charlie knows it, but that’s okay. He’s up for it. Always will be, when it comes to Nick.
They do talk more the next day. Nick is clearly shaken and needs reassurance and Charlie is happy to give it. He can see Nick softening the more they talk it through, watches as he gradually comes back to himself over their lazy Sunday spent half-watching Schitt’s Creek for the 12,000th time and snuggling up together in Nick’s bed. Charlie gets less angry too – marginally – and by the time Sunday night rolls around and Charlie is packing up for his early morning train the next day, everything feels like it’s mostly back to normal.
Charlie is halfway back to London on the train on Monday when Nick texts him, finally free from his should-be-illegal 9am lecture.
10.18, Nick ❤️🐶🖕
So you’ll never guess who just came up to me in the library
10.19, Charlie ❤️🐱🖕🏼
you're right, nick. i will never guess
save me the agro and tell me xx
Just as an FYI, Char, you’re still meant to be being nice to me on account of my Trauma this weekend
So, like, do better?
i'll fucking show you not-nice in a minute, dickhead
Wowwwwww
Anyway, twat
The person from the club approached me
wait. THE person from the club???
what the fuck???
did they try saying shit again? because i s2g i will turn this train around...
Stand down, Spring
They apologised
omg??????
I know!!! They came up to me and said that they saw me with my boyfriend (that’s you btw. My boyfriend) over the weekend and said they hadn’t realised and were really sorry for making assumptions
jjhdhsdkjfhjk
okay so much to unpack hold on
1 – i am aware i'm ur boyfriend thank u. it has been so many years i can’t even keep count anymore. are you actually getting excited about a label we’ve had since we were literal children?
2 – i am very conflicted about this apology but tell me how you feel about it first pls because that’s what actually matters
1 – Obviously?? Still shook every time I remember you agreed to go out with me tbh x
2 – Okay honestly I'm glad you said that because same. Like it was nice actually, we had a bit of chat about how they knew it was wrong of them but they went into proper fight or flight mode and I get that? Like, I get it’s scary to be queer and they’ve had bad experiences so it's natural to be nervous etc. I honestly really do get that and I do feel for them. But at the same time, like... I shouldn’t have to be seen holding your hand for someone to believe I’m queer? Like. Me just existing as myself should be enough and it never seems to be. Which feels unfair and stupid and sad. But it always feels like a fucking first world problem I should get the fuck over because life is probably harder for them being scared than it is for me having these things thought about me??
So, yeah. Conflicting.
1 – dork xxx
2 – yes. that.
okay so i know i'm obviously biased because i happen to think you’re the best person on the planet, but i still stand by the fact that they shouldn’t have made the assumption in the first place and the apology shouldn’t have come with a caveat?
and yeah, i feel for them too, honestly. i get feeling scared, i really do, and i never want any queer person to feel that way
but MY GOD do bisexuals not already get enough shit from fellow queers without this being piled on top of them too??? because jesus fucking christ nick. the shit you’ve had to deal with from every direction and the way you have to come out daily, and the shit people say because you happen to be attracted to men (ew) AND women (even more ew) and everyone else (actually acceptable, no ew necessary)
and i will hold you/talk you through it every single time for the rest of our lives because obviously i will, but you shouldn’t have to put up with this happening to you and i'm so sick of you getting hurt
Aww you proper love me, don’t you?
Gay xxx
fuck off you utter fuck
i am sorry if i'm coming on too strong, i just hate seeing you like you were on saturday
it was fucking awful nick
obviously you already know that. you were there...
but you know it makes me fighty. soz x
Nah, no soz
You know I think its hot as fuck when you get like this
Save me from all the dangers in the world, Charles
I am but a dainty little soul who needs to be covered in bubble wrap xx
clearly 🙄
laughing at the idea of anyone looking at us and not knowing you’re the softie and i'm the one who wants to cut a bitch
almost like there’s something in this not making assumptions about people based on how they look, huh???
Lmaooooooo
Char. Babe. If you think anyone has ever looked at you and not thought you want to cut a bitch, I've got some news for you x
You look scary as fuck
yeah and about to get scarier, you little shit
in all seriousness though, you seem like you’re feeling better today? making jokes like a big brave boy x
Har har
But yeah, I am. You got through, as always
The apology today helped, no matter how weird
But mostly just you always knowing what to say and how to make me feel better even when I don’t know what I need myself
Fucking love you so much, you stupid brilliant twat x
hmm
love you too, i suppose
even if you are a massive crybaby xxxxxxxxxxxx
CHARLIE!!!
hehehehe
joking etc blah blah x
i have to joke because if i got real about how fond i am of you rn i would lose every shred of dignity i have left
which, lets be real, isn’t much when it comes to you
Yeah bit late actually
You've stuck with me for all these millions of years so you don’t have a leg to stand on there, sweet cheeks
never call me that again
just got the ick so intensely
Nah you love me loads
Hard to deny after this weekend I'm afraid
Soz xxxxxxxxxxxxx
urgh. fine.
i love you loads.
and then some more on top of that
and while I'm throwing away my dignity, i miss you already
Yeesh. Clingy, much? Now I've got the ick.
xoxo go fuck yourself x
You come fuck me, sounds more fun x
🙄🙄🙄
…
…
… i wish
😘😉😋🥵🔥