Work Text:
Payno you awake?
Payno?
Payyyyyyyyynnnnnnnoooooooo
Liam woke with a start and blindly reached for his cellphone. 2am. Only one person would send him texts at such an ungodly hour, and probably on purpose, too.
If u wantto mak suuuure im wake whyyy dont u call?
can’t, not supposed to have phone. Gotta be discreet.
were are u, the wite hoouse?!
hospital.
Liam sat up and turned his bedside lamp on, suddenly painfully awake.
wtf, r u alrightttt????
i don’t really know.
it’s all a bit surreal.
watss goin onnn??
i’m a dad.
Liam blinked at his phone.
payno, i’m a dad.
he’s so tiny, fuck.
i’m going to break him.
Liam’s brain seemed to have vanished, but thankfully something was still able to control his fingers, and he started typing again.
fcourse u wont break himmm. your going to be amazing daaad
i’m scared.
how the fuck am I going to keep him safe?
Liam felt his heart clench. Fuck. He knew he should have stayed in L.A., why the hell had he decided to come back home when he knew Briana was at the end of her term?! He got out of bed and turned on his laptop.
tommo u were born to beee a dad. got nothing to worryyyy about
the nurses are giving me the evil eye coz i’m texting.
bet they all think i’m going to be a terrible dad.
r u sure i cant call u?
nah, they’ll probably take the baby away from me if you do.
Liam waited a minute for another message, but his phone had gone quiet. He wondered if Louis’s phone had been confiscated from him. He didn’t even know if Johannah was there, if Louis had anyone with him to get him through this. He guessed Briana’s family must have been there but from what Louis had told him they hadn’t exactly warmed up to him. The abuse Briana had suffered at the hands of fans probably played a big part in that.
His laptop finally flickered into life and Liam fired up a new webpage, looking for plane tickets. He'd have tried to catch the next departing flight but he knew he'd have to wait for his parents to wake up and pack and - he tapped on his phone, suddenly remembering.
bookng flightt right now
you don't have to , Louis texted back immediately. Liam's shoulders slumped. He'd thought -
i mean i want you to come. I want you to meet him. You're the first one i told. Just don't drop everything because of me.
Liam re-read the text five times, eyes always coming back to ‘ you're the first one i told .’ His heart felt heavy in his chest.
He looked back at the website, then remembered why he'd told Louis in the first place.
dyou mind if my parents come?? mums been lookin forward to this likee it was her own grandkid
He added a few blushing emojis, because it was seriously embarrassing, but at the same time he knew his mum would never forgive him for going to meet lil’ Tommo without her. Especially since they were sleeping in one of his guest rooms and she would see him leaving and she probably knew full well about Briana’s due date, probably had penciled it in in red in her calendar.
There was no reply from Louis and Liam started panicking. He was halfway through writing a message to tell Louis he was joking when the reply finally popped up.
your parents want to come?
God, he shouldn’t have asked, Louis would-
yes they can come. ofcourse they can come.
ur alloweddd to say noo, i know its stupiiid
no, thats not stupid. fuck i wish i could call. but i cant go out. fucking paps outside, dunno who the fuck told them.
they’re not getting any pics if ive got anything to say about it.
Liam didn’t know what to reply to that. They’d always known it’d be a circus once the news got out. Louis and Briana had decided months ago to keep everything they could under wraps, because there was no winning with the paps, or the press, or some of the fans. But there was nothing Liam could do about any of it, not from here.
payno, wanna see a pic?
suure!!!
dont wanna blind him with the flash. wait.
Thirty seconds later a picture popped up on Liam’s phone, and he lost his heart.
He felt it, just looking at that tiny, tiny hand resting in the gigantic palm of Louis’s left hand, translucent fingernails and wrinkled skin so, so fragile. He’d lost his heart to Louis years before, even if he hadn’t felt it at the time, and now he knew he’d be ready to die to keep the baby attached to that little hand safe and happy.
have you ever loved someone so much it scared you? Louis sent, pulling Liam out of his daze.
He hesitated, but there was no point in lying.
yes
really??
yes
soph?
no
A pause, again.
i could kill for him. i’ll do it, if i need to.
i know
i wish i could call you.
me too
i love you.
Liam stared at the message. He knew Louis meant nothing by it, and usually he’d have replied something along the lines of “ loooooveee uuu toooo broooo ” and added half a dozen random emojis behind it, but he kept scrolling back to Louis’s palm and that tiny, tiny baby hand, and he couldn’t find it in him to pretend.
i love you too
He made sure to delete any excess letters, then pressed Send. He kinda hoped Louis would notice, and he kinda hoped he wouldn’t.
There were no more messages after that, and once he was done booking the earliest flight he could find for him and his parents, Liam made his way to his gym room, trying to outrun his growing panic on the treadmill. Maybe he should have sent the usual reply.
He was so surprised when his phone rang that he stopped the machine without any downward curve, going from 9mph to zero in a second and barrelling into the control panel with a “humpf!”
Louis’s face was on his screen, a picture from one of their concerts with him in a halo of pink and gold light.
“Managed to get away from the nurses?” Liam asked, glad that he was panting from exertion, because that at least would hopefully hide the nerves from his voice.
“The fuck, am I interrupting something?” Louis asked, voice sharp and suspicious.
“What?” Liam asked, trying to get his breath back. “Oh! No, no, I was just running.”
“Running? What time is it?”
“Um…” Liam glanced at his screen. “3am.”
“You were running at 3am.”
“I, well, I couldn’t sleep, so I thought…”
“Shit, is it because of me? I’m sorry, I should have waited-”
“Are you kidding? Tommo, you’re a dad ! I only wish I was in L.A. right now!” Liam exclaimed. “So… how did it go? Is Briana okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine. She’s sleeping now. Baby’s sleeping too, that’s why I went out. Someone must have pulled a magic trick because the paps are gone.”
Louis fell silent, but Liam knew him well enough to hear the cogs turning in his brain, trying to settle on what to say first. He went down to his living room, padding softly down the stairs to make sure his mother didn't hear him. Having his parents home with him had been lovely for about three days before he’d realized there was a reason kids moved out once they became older. Still, being able to complain about his mum after barely seeing her for five years felt amazing. He dearly needed a shower, but it could wait.
“He’s so tiny, Payno,” Louis said suddenly. He sounded scared. “I just… They put him in my arms, and all I could think about was ‘Don't drop him. Don't drop him or they'll tell everyone what a shit father you are.’”
Liam sat on his couch and hugged a throw pillow to his chest, forcing himself to stay silent, no matter how badly he wanted to interrupt, to tell Louis that everything would be alright. Louis obviously needed to get it all off his chest, and since Liam had been too stupid to be in L.A. when Louis really needed him, the least he could do was lend an ear when Louis called him.
“All this time, even with the ultrasounds, it was so surreal, but now he's here and I, I'm so not prepared, and I don't want to ever leave him, fuck, I just… I just never thought I'd get a baby and I wouldn't be able to be there for him.”
“But you're going to be there for him,” Liam said, unable to silence himself any longer. “That baby's going to be so loved, Tommo, there's-”
“I wish you were here,” Louis interrupted, voice hoarse. “The papers are already putting out articles, and people are still saying that it's not real because I haven't thought it vital to let two billion strangers know about this, and I don't know how to deal with any of it.” He sounded close to tears, and Liam felt like a useless lump, sitting on his stupid couch in stupid Surrey, a 12-hour flight away from his best friend when he needed him the most.
“He's barely two-hours old and already I can't protect him from any of this shit,” Louis continued, choking up. “What the fuck was I thinking, Liam?!”
Liam opened his mouth, then closed it. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to hug Louis and tell him everything was going to be alright, but he was alone in his living room with a pillow in his lap.
“Liam?”
“I love you so much,” Liam blurted out, and he felt himself shrivel inside but he soldiered on. “You're the most amazing person I've ever met, Lou, and you're kind, and funny, and fierce, and… and you've been helping so many kids, you've always been so good with them, you're going to be a natural at this. That baby's going to grow up into the most awesome person ever and it's all going to be because of you.”
He’d gotten it all out in a rush of feelings and silence fell back on him like a cold shower. He could hear his heart beating in his eardrums, feel it hammering in his chest.
Louis didn’t say anything.
Liam leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling as it got progressively more blurry, but he refused to blink the tears away. It would have been so much easier if he’d been in L.A. like he was supposed to have been. He’d have hugged Louis and made him laugh and he wouldn’t have been trapped with nothing but his words to use because he was crap at talking and he always said the wrong things and fuck, should he be worried that his heart hurt this much?
“Liam…”
Louis’s voice was soft and small, and he didn’t add anything after Liam’s name.
“I mean it, you know,” Liam said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “You’re going to be amazing. You’ve always been amazing.”
“I wish you were here,” Louis said again.
“I’ll be there soon.”
“Good.” Louis sighed, a horrible shaky sound that went straight to Liam’s heart and clutched it in a tight fist. “Hold on,” he suddenly said, then Liam heard shuffling feet and a door opening. Tiny baby cries wafted down the phone line and Liam thought back to the picture. He’d be there before the day was over but it still felt like eons away.
“Sorry, the baby’s up,” Louis said. “Don’t want Briana to wake up, I’ll just…”
“You go take care of your baby. I’ll be there by tomorrow. Your tomorrow, I mean. Ok?” Liam said, making his voice as steady as he possibly could.
“Alright.”
Louis didn’t hang up. There was more shuffling, then the noise of another door being pushed open; the baby cries got much closer, teeny and shrill.
“Shh, shh, it’s alright,” Louis whispered, and if Liam hadn’t fallen in love with Louis all those years ago, this right there would have done it. “We’re going to be alright, you’ll see.”
“Lou,” Liam softly said, unsure of whether he should stay and listen or remind Louis that two hands would make it easier to take care of a newborn.
“Right, sorry. I’m sorry I woke you up. I just… Thanks. For what you said.”
“Don’t mention it,” Liam said, clearing his throat when the words got stuck.
“I have to hang up. I can’t hold him right like that. The nurses will-”
“The nurses won’t do anything but help you,” Liam said. “But yeah, you should hang up.”
“Right.”
Liam waited, but he could still hear the baby softly crying and Louis softly shushing him.
“Lou.”
“Right, sorry. You’ll be here soon, right?”
“Yes.”
“I love you,” Louis said, quick and loud, as if he’d forced himself to say it. Liam didn’t understand how his heart could do such loop-de-loops in his chest when he was just sitting down on his couch, but he felt dizzy from it.
“I love you too,” he said, and he didn’t even try to make it sound light, because it really, really wasn’t.
There was a pause, then the noises abruptly cut off as Louis hung up.
Liam took a deep breath, then opened his messaging app again, scrolling back up to the picture Louis had sent.
He was still staring at it when the sun came up.