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Dear Shizun,
Last night, unbeknownst to you, I rediscovered that both the buds on your chest and your endowment are pink. Not pink like the haitang on the bottle of peach blossom wine you had downed that night. It was a deeper shade- like the coloring of your bottom lip that I stared at in lust daily. I studied it, committing every inch of that plump tissue to memory.
Turning to your thighs, I let my hands guide my mouth along the curves of your muscles- chiseled like marble and as fair and luminous as pearls. A thin sheen of sweat upon my forehead betrayed the stoic expression I had been wearing up until then. Flames of desire that I had long suppressed lit me up inside and spilled over into the kisses I planted on your body. The heat that arose from the contact between my lips and your skin was scorching hot, and those gentle kisses turned into fiery love bites. As I left small bite marks, I wondered what color they would be tomorrow… or if the indelible impressions I left would disappear when the sun rose. The prospect of you waking up, groggily removing your covers and coming across discoloration on your thighs had me painfully straining against my undergarments. Unconsciously, I thrusted my hips looking for release. Your head turned and a small moan escaped from your lips.
That small movement made my blood run cold. The blood that had been rushing downwards reversed and my mind cleared. The realization that I had done such a thing, ravished you and defiled our relationship as teacher and disciple, sent a pain so sharp to my heart that my breath was knocked from me. My grip on your thighs weakened, and my faltering hands closed your legs back together- not without one last glance at the fruit between them. In that hour, I was both your keeper and your pillager.
It is said that anger is the coverup for shame, and within me I recognized both. I had sworn not to defile you in this life, to protect and cherish you instead. But I am just as you said: “vile by nature, beyond remedy”. I made my way to my bed and fell onto it with a sigh. Turning over, I closed my eyes to chase sleep- but not before I stroked myself to the memory of you underneath me.
Sincerely,
-𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙑𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙊- Mo Ran