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Logan is sulking a little.
He sits on the uncomfortable bed in the guest bedroom of Xavier’s Mansion, staring at the bare wall across the room, knees drawn up to his chest, fighting the tears a half empty bottle of Jim Beam lodged between his feet.
Okay, he’s sulking a lot.
He’s a 200-year-old man, almost crying over a boy.
In his defence, the boy did break his heart.
God, if Wade knew Logan was referring to him as a boy, he’s punch him clean in the face, Logan thinks.
But in the end, it doesn’t matter really, because no punch, or stab or gunshot could hurt Logan more than Wade’s blank face, as he looked Logan in the eye and said “Sorry, Boo, I don’t think this is working.”
At first, Logan had thought it was a joke, one of Wade’s quips, sarcastic as always. But then Wade hadn’t laughed, hadn’t moved to kiss Logan anyways.
Logan screws his eyes shut, trying to chase away the memory of Wade’s blank eyes, how he’d asked Logan to move out. Then he’d walked away, leaving Logan in the dark of their shared apartment, alone of the couch they’d had sex on not 24 hours ago.
For a while, Logan had hoped, Wade would come back. After three hours though, he’d gotten up. Looked around in the room.
The space they’d once shared, evidence of them on every corner, Logan’s mask hanging next to Wade’s on the hook by the door, Wade’s catanas in the umbrella stand next to Logan’s pink umbrella, a gift from Laura.
A shirt thrown over a chair, that belonged to neither to Wade nor Logan, but rather both of them.
The entire room a testament to their relationship, their permanence. A permanence Logan had thought, might last forever. Apparently, he’d been wrong.
He’d walked out of the room, to the bedroom, pulled a duffle bag from the closet and thrown in a thoughtless array of clothes.
He doesn’t own any clothes, he’d found, they’d shared almost everything, so he’d just taken things at random, not thinking.
He regrets it now, because he left all his favourite things behind, and only took things that remind him of Wade, his instincts betraying him once more.
His suit almost hadn’t fit, but he’d just managed to squeeze the zipper shut before he’d fled from the flat, not looking back.
He’d walked the entire way to the mansion, knocked on the door and when Colossus had opened, he’d taken one look at Logan, waved him inside and pointed him a room at the end of the hall.
And so here he is, duffel still unpacked at the bottom of the bed, reeling from what happened to him.
It had felt like he’d finally made it, after all this time, like all the trauma and the pain and the helplessness had paid off, leading him there, to Wade, into a life shared.
Oh, how wrong he had been.
The whiskey burns in his throat as he takes another swig. It’s been a while since he’d felt the need to get drunk, he hadn’t had a reason to, no desire to drown out the pain, because there hadn’t been any pain.
A knock on the door startles him and he almost drops the bottle.
“Go away.”, he shouts.
It knocks again.
“I said go away.”, he repeats, meaner this time.
The door opens. Logan groans, throwing his head back against the wall. Can’t a man mourn in silence?
“Logan”, Colossus says. “Have you left room today?”
“What does it look like”, Logan snarls and takes another swig from the bottle.
“You need food.”, Colossus says, and walks into the room, uninvited. “Negasonic make Stew. Come eat.”
“No, thank you” he tries to stare Colossus down, but he doesn’t back away, instead he closes the door behind him and sits on the bed. It creaks under the weight of the metal.
“Logan”, he sounds surprisingly gentle for a heap of talking metal. “You want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Might help.”
“No.”
“Fine. Come eat.”
“No.”
Colossus sighs. “I have not heard from Wade.”, he says. “I wonder why he break up with you.”
Logan snorts a laugh. “Yeah, tin man”, he says. “Me too. Wonder what I did wrong.”
Colossus cocks his head. “I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think Wade is an Idiot.”
That makes Logan perk up. “Why?”
Colossus shrugs. “Not long ago, he tells me, how much he loves you. I think he got scared of feelings.” He shakes his head. “Idiot.”
Logan casts his glance down again. “Doesn’t matter now, does it? He left either way.”
“Yes.”, Colossus admits. “But it doesn’t change anything. Now come eat.”
“Fine,”, Logan groans, places the bottle on the window still and heaves himself off the bed. He ground seems to sway a little underneath his feet. Right. Drunk. Been a while since he was this hammered.
He slowly follows Colossus out the door and down to the dining hall.
The entry hall is completely empty when they step inside. Through the door that leads to the dining hall, Logan can see there’s no-one in there either. He looks around. “Where is everyone? This better not be a fucking intervention.”
Before Colossus can answer though, there’s a knock in the door. It echoes heavy through the massive space.
Logan looks at Colossus. Colossus shrugs and points at the main door.
“Just… go.”, he says, shooing him off with his hands.
Logan takes a step towards the door. He turns back to Colossus, hand on the knob, but he just rolls her eyes and walks away.
He turns the knob.
The door swings open, and Logan forgets how to breathe.
Wade stands here, water raining down on him, soaking his shirt, running over his face.
Logan frowns, looks up at the cloudless blue sky and then glances around the corner. Peter stands there, with a garden hose pointed at Wade, creating the illusion of rain, a boombox by his feet. He awkwardly waves at Logan. Logan awkwardly waves back.
Then he turns back to Wade.
“Wade.”, he says. “What the fuck are you doing, Bub?”, the pet name slips out before he can stop it. He presses his lips together before he can say anything else.
“Hi.” Wade says.
Peter bends down, presses a button on the boombox and for a moment the direction of the hose changes and sprays Logan right in the face.
He shakes the water away like a dog.
“If I could turn back time?”, he asks, pointing at the boombox. Wade shrugs.
“I— “, he starts. “I do wish I could turn back time.” Logan blinks, but doesn’t say anything, waiting for Wade to continue.
“I think,” Wade says, and reaches up to wipe the water from his eyes. “I made a mistake.”
Logan raises an eyebrow. “You think you made a mistake?”
“I know I made a mistake.”, Wade corrects himself. Logan opens his mouth. "Yeah, yeah”, Wave waves him off. “I make lot of mistakes. But, breaking up with you was the biggest, peanut.”
“Then why’d you do it?”
Wade looks down at the ground. A puddle is starting to form around his feet. He’s wearing the unicorn socks Logan got him for his birthday.
“Because I’m a coward and an idiot and I got scared.”
“Scared of what?”, Logan asks, trying to push down the small glimmer of hope in his chest. No need to get his hopes up.
“Scared, that I’d fuck you up like I fucked up Vanessa. I almost got her killed and it killed us. And I loved her. And the thing is…”
He finally looks Logan in the eye, “I loved her, but I love you so much more. So, getting you hurt would hurt me so much more and I can’t take that.”
“So, you broke up for yourself?”, Logan asks.
“What?”, Wade makes an offended face. “No. Yes. A little. I don’t know. Will you please take me back already?”
A week ago, Logan would have jumped his bones then and there. But it’s not a week ago. It’s been seven days that have been worse than anything he ever went through. Seven days of unanswered questions of pain and suffering, lots of booze and crying tears he’ll never admit to anyone.
“Why?”, he asks instead.
Wade blinks. “Why?”, he repeats dumbly.
“Why would I take you back?”, Logan asks. “You broke my fucking heart. And you just said you did it for yourself. You hurt me for yourself. That’s kinda fucked up.”
“What, no?”, Wade almost shouts. “I miss you. Not having you around hurts so much more than the idea of you getting hurt.”
“You’re not helping your case.”, Logan says. He feels the anger bubbling in his stomach, the pain finally coming to the surface. “You’re selfish. You don’t want me back, you want the convenience of me, don’t you?”
Wade opens his mouth, but Logan interrupts him. “You realised you fucked up and just think you can float back around, and I’ll swoon into your fucking arms. Well, you thought wrong. Especially since your reasoning is bullshit, because I cannot fucking die!”
He turns to Peter. “And for fuck’s sake, will you please turn the fucking water off, we have a national drought and you’re wasting drinking water to be dramatic.”
Peter nods hurriedly and scurries off to turn off the hose. Wade is still dripping wet.
“I’m sorry.”, he says. “Logan, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think and I hurt you and I never wanted to hurt you, you have to believe me that.”
“But you broke up with me, out of the blue, without any explanation. You didn’t think that might hurt me?”
Wade shrugs. “I wasn’t sure to be honest. I— “, he breaks off, starts again. “The fundamental truth of our relationship was, that I loved you more than you loved me.”
“What?”, Logan shouts. “That is bullshit.”
“Is it?”, Wade shouts back. Two of the kids on the lawn have stopped to observe their spectacle. Logan doesn’t give a shit.
“Of course it’s bullshit. What even makes you think that?”
“I always make the first move.”, Wade says. “Every kiss, every time we have sex. I asked you to move in, I always ask to go on dates. You haven’t even said I love you back yet.”
Logan stares at Wade. He’s breathing heavy, his chest is heaving through his wet shirt, and he looks at Logan with such a mix of desperation and anger and… heartbreak that Logan can feel his chest clench.
“Wade, I— “
“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to ask you to take me back.” He raises his hand in an awkward wave. “I’m sorry. I’ll see you around?”
The boombox is still blasting Cher, as Wade turns to walk away.
“Okay, stop.”, Logan says. “Stop, please.”
Wade stops, but he doesn’t turn around.
“Let me get this straight.”, Logan tries, while ignoring his racing heart and the fact, that at least twelve people are watching them by now. He’s pretty sure Yukio is taking a video.
“You broke up with me, because you were afraid, you’d have to see me get hurt and figured it was okay because I didn’t love you anyways?”
Wade nods. Logan can only see the back of his head, but he can also see, how Wade’s hands are clenched by his sides.
“Wade, you are the biggest fucking idiot I’ve ever met.”, he says. “Can I tell you how it looked like to me?”
Wade doesn’t move. Logan takes it as permission.
“From where I’m standing, the love of my fucking, miserable life broke up with me, out of the blue, not telling me why, walked away and left me there. I spent the last week drinking and crying in Colossus’ guest room, jerking off to the memory of you, wondering what I did wrong missing the only good thing in my life.”
Logan screws his eyes shut. There it is. The most humiliating admission of his life. Admitting he is only human, that Wade Wilson has the power to break him, and that he did.
Wade stays still for a moment. Then he turns. “Did you say I’m… the love of your life?”, he asks quietly.
Logan shrugs. “What else would you be?”
“But— “, Wade tries. “You never even said it back to me.”
“Because I have the emotional capacity of a butterknife!”, Logan shouts. “I’ve never been in a relationship before! I never had anyone I’d even think about saying it to! I don’t know how to do the whole relationship thing. I try my best and I was worried I’d scare you off if I came on to strong.”
“Oh my god”, Negasonic says, somewhere behind them, “You can’t be serious.”
“Hey,” Colossus chastises her. “They’re learning. Leave them.”
“I think It’s sweet.”, Yukio says.
“I hope they get back together.”, Peter chimes in. “It’s like being a child of divorce. Wade leaves me with the dog the whole time, so he can go do drugs and get himself killed.”
“What?”, Logan says. “Why would you try to get yourself killed.
Wade shrugs. “I hope it’d finally stick some time. Hasn’t yet.”
“Wade.”, Logan whispers. “You’re so stupid.”.
Wade shrugs again. He still hasn’t turned around.
“Will you look at me please?”, Logan asks quietly. Wade stays still for another second, then he slowly turns to face Logan.
His face is twisted, he’s chewing on his bottom lip, and he looks at Logan out of large, pleading eyes. There is none of his usual demeanour, he’s the most serious Logan’s ever seen his and it feels…wrong. Seeing Wade so utterly broken and sad wrenches Logan’s insides.
“Let me get this straight.” He says. “You love me?” Wade nods. “And I love you.”, Wade nods again, after a moment. “And neither of us can get seriously hurt or killed?” A third nod. “And we’ve both been miserable and miss each other.” A small smile creeps on Wade’s face as he nods again.
Logan can feel his own lips curl upwards. The weight in his stomach is beginning to shift, like it’s dislodging itself, getting ready to float away.
“So, you agree, that what you did was phenomenally stupid and totally unnecessary?”
Wade looks at his feet and mumbles something.
“What was that?”, Logan asks.
“Yes.”, Wade repeats, louder this time.
“Good.”, Logan says. “Then come here, you ass.”
Wade looks up at him and slowly his mouth stretches into a wide smile. But he doesn’t move.
Logan rolls his eyes and opens his arms, only to find them full of Wade Wilson a moment later.
Wade wraps his arms around Logan’s neck and his legs around his waist and Logan staggers back under the sudden weight and momentum, but then he catches himself, securely wraps his arms underneath Wade’s thighs and returns the kiss.
Somewhere behind them, people cheer, a camera flashes but Logan doesn’t give a shit. Wade’s hands begin to wander, from his neck to his cheeks, pulling them closer.
Next to them, the song changes to the next track on the mixtape. It’s the same mixtape Wade always listens to when he cooks, Logan knows it by heart.
He usually observes Wade in the kitchen from the door, or leaning against one of the counters, watches as Wade dances to the music, singing along as he makes them pancakes or Spaghetti. His stomach grows warm at the memory.
How could he ever let Wade think he was anything less than forever to Logan.
“Hey, Wade?”, he mutters against his lips.
“Mmmh?”, Wade hums back, trying to keep the kiss going.
“I love you.”, Logan says. He feels Wade’s lips stretch into a smile.
“I love you too.”, Wade replies. “Wanna go inside and do it in Colossus’ living room?”
Logan laughs. “If you think you can get us past him, sure?”
“Don’t you dare.”, Colossus says behind them, “I am happy for you, but I will kill you.”
“Fair.”, Logan says. He needs to thank Colossus for taking him in, but not right now. Right now, he needs to get Wade home and do some bad things to him.
“Come on”, he says. “Let’s go home.”
Wade grins. “Or,” he says, as he jumps down from Logan’s arms and points behind them, where a car is parked. Logan laughs as he recognises the beat-up Honda Odyssey from the Void.
“We could do it in the car? For old times’ sake?”
Logan takes his hand. “Where the fuck did you get that car?”
Wade just grins. “You coming or not?”
“Well, I hope I’ll be coming. But maybe let’s drive away first? I don’t want an audience.”
“Prude.”, Wade snorts, but let’s himself be pulled towards the car.
“Bye, Wade!”, Yukio calls. “I’ll send you the video!”
“Bye Yukio!”, Wade calls back over his shoulder.
Logan just rolls his eyes and tugs him away.