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Eddie doesn’t know if his expression matches what he’s feeling inside but god he doesn’t want it to.
Buck just told him, that he and Tommy were on a date when he and Marisol ran into them in that restaurant. He feels as if his heart sank to his stomach, he doesn’t know why. His best friend just told him something so important that he recently discovered about himself and Eddie can only think about how he wanted it to be him there with Buck. “Is that…weird?” Buck asks in an uncertain tone. “No, absolutely not, I like him too! I mean just not in the same way as you evidently.” Then with a little pause, “This doesn’t change a thing between us…okay?” Eddie feels like a venomous snake with those lies dripping from his tongue.
“That’s a relief, although I guess it doesn’t really matter anyway because he dumped me.” Buck snickers. “Wow, that’s fast even for you.” Eddie takes a sip of his beer. “But I guess he couldn’t really dump me because we weren’t together together, but ah basically when we ran into you guys I kinda made an idiot of myself and he said he doesn’t think I’m ready.” Buck explains while looking down. “Hum, what do you think?” Eddie regrets asking that as soon as Buck opens his mouth to say “I kinda can’t stop thinking about him.”
As soon as those words leave Buck’s lips they feel like a punch to the gut, Eddie’s not really sure why but it does. His face scrunches in a way that he hopes Buck doesn’t notice what it really means, it’s disappointment because he wanted to be the one Buck is always thinking about.
“Well you know what I think…you should call him.” He’s restraining his face from showing what he’s really feeling, the fleeting flame of jealousy. Eddie doesn’t really get why Buck could never be his, he has Marisol and Christopher loves her, at least he thinks he does. “Really?” Buck blurts out with a little smile that Eddie wishes he could save forever. “Heck yeah, he doesn’t know if you’re an idiot, once he gets to know you and knows that you’re an idiot he’ll love you like we all do.” Like I do, he says in his head. “What if he says no?” Buck asks and he’s seemingly convinced to do it. “Then he’s an idiot, don’t walk away from something before you even know what it is.” Then the conversation retorts back to Eddie. “That sounds like good advice.” Buck says physically pointing to Eddie, and Eddie sighs “Yeah…I gotta talk to Marisol.” he gets up but knows Buck needs something else to confirm that they’re totally okay before he leaves. “Come here.” And they both stride into each other’s spaces, Eddie embraces Buck in a hug. His left arm on his waist and his right just above his shoulder and when they come apart Eddie stops it still so close he could…no he shakes those thoughts away and finds that special little space between Buck’s neck and shoulder where his thumb always touches. “Call Tommy.”
Then he’s out the door, he stops in front of it feeling like all those times he thought about it, about them could come to life but Buck is hung up on Tommy. He doesn’t get why he’s not even that great. Eddie is no walking to his car and continues to replay every interaction he’s had with him in his head to try to see why Buck would feel about him that way. When Eddie gets to his home he stands on his porch for five minutes before going he knows Marisol is in there waiting to talk to him, he doesn’t want to he just wants to go in sit on his couch and drink his night away. So he opens the door and decidedly breaks up with Marisol and tells her he’s sorry for everything (their whole relationship). And when she leaves he feels a huge weight come off his shoulders and he feels guilty about it but there’s nothing he can do. He sinks into his sofa drinking the night away and he feels the buzz of alcohol settling in and he knows he’s about to do something stupid when he picks up his phone and opens his and Buck’s texts thread.
You:
Buck
Buck☀︎:
hey, are you okay? 00:12am
You:
Don’t call him
Buck☀︎:
who? Tommy? 00:12am
You:
Yeah
Buck☀︎:
why not? wait are you okay? im coming over. 00:13am
You:
wait what
Eddie panics because he realized what he just did, he gets up too quickly and almost falls back down because the buzz of the alcohol is stronger than he thought. It’s 00:30am when he hears a knock at his door, he knows Buck has a key to his home and wonders why he’s not using it. He hesitates opening the door but does so anyway.
“Hey…I’m um sorry for worrying you I-“ Buck interrupts him “Eddie are you okay? wait are you drunk?” Eddie stammers to answer, Buck closes the door behind him and drags Eddie to the kitchen.
“Buck I-I’m sorry I shouldn’t have messaged you I was just having a few beers, I broke up with Marisol when I got home and I um-“ Buck is looking at him with such soft eyes as he pities him, Buck doesn’t but that’s how Eddie reads it.
“Wait what? Eddie why? Are you…okay?”
Buck holds Eddie’s elbows and Eddie just wants to fall into him and cry and cry and cry. “I don’t know I just did it without thinking, and I god I’m sorry.”
Eddie just lets the words fall out of his mouth, the buzz from the alcohol is fading away but still easily enabling the words out of his mouth.
“Eddie…” Buck hugs him, so tight. Eddie whispers in his head “I love you,I love you,I love you”.
“Why don’t you want me to call Tommy?” Buck asks in such a soft tone and Eddie just wonders why isn’t he mad that Eddie said such a thing. “I’m the only one I want you to call. God Buck, I didn’t even notice until you told me that you were on a date with him. To be honest with you when I said this doesn’t change a thing between us I was lying because I want it to, and I know I had Marisol until a few hours ago but I just couldn’t keep being with her knowing what I know now.”
He pauses, Buck opens and closes his mouth but nothing comes out and Eddie just curses himself internally. After all, he’s so sure he just lost the second most important person in his life because he just couldn’t stay quiet and sober. “I wasn’t completely honest with you too, Do you remember how I was acting when you and Tommy were hanging out? Yeah, I was so jealous because I thought I was being replaced and I’m so sorry for what I did to you at that basketball p game, I was seeing red, and when you said you both just clicked, I-”
He gets interrupted by a pair of lips against his, for a fraction of a second Eddie thinks he’s read this all wrong but Buck begins kissing back. Eddie thinks he’s dreaming because this is all he ever dreamed of a kiss feeling like, the butterflies in his stomach, the way Buck is gently caressing the left side of his face while his other hand holds his hip. Eddie’s hands in Buck’s hair, short soft blonde strands between his fingers. The slide of their lips against each other is rough but soft at the same time, Buck’s lips are like clouds and Eddie really likes the feel of stubble scratching his chin.
When they finally separate he looks at Buck and god he looks so beautiful, his lips kiss swollen and so pink matching his birthmark which is Eddie’s next target to plant a kiss on. He chuckles and buries his face in Buck’s chest. “I’m definitely not calling Tommy by the way. I-” Eddie interrupts Buck “I love you, I have for a while.” Eddie blurts out so quickly and Buck smiles, his cheeks still pink from the intense kissing and from Eddie’s confession. “You beat me to it, I love you too so, so much.” Eddie kisses him again and again, and again. They kiss about twenty more times until they notice they’ve somehow stumbled across the house to Eddie’s couch. Buck crashes on top of the sofa on his back and Eddie doesn’t hesitate to fall on top of him. It isn’t really practical for two buff firefighters to be tangled in each other in such a small sofa but they don’t care because it’s their moment. The moment that honestly everyone knew was going to happen sooner or later. But for now, they’ll enjoy this new side of their relationship alone for a while. Whispers of “I love you” echo through the house.
Their home, each other.