Chapter Text
Ashlyn was numb.
She stood outside the hotel where the US National Team was staying, with her hands stuffed deep into her coat pockets and a scarf wrapped around her face. It wasn’t the harsh, cold air that took the feeling from her, it was the beautiful brunette she had fallen in love with.
“Ash...”
Ashlyn didn’t hear her best friend’s voice from behind her. It took Ali jerking her arm to pull her out of the daze.
“Are you crazy?” Ali asked. “It’s freezing out here.” Ali dragged her by the arm back inside and found a chair for her friend to sit in. “What’s going on with you?”
It was a fair question. Ali and Ashlyn had spent all day together. They had a great day. Both would agree that it was the best day they had had in a long time. It wasn’t until the end of the day that something seemed to change.
Ashlyn answered with the first lie she could think of. “Um, I was feeling hot.”
Ali always knew her best friend was a little crazy. She loved her for that. But this was another level of crazy.
“Ash, you hate the cold.” Ali stated matter of factly.
Ashlyn was beginning to come back to reality. She had come up with a better lie in the few moments it took Ali to reply. “I think I’m sick.”
Ali’s tone changed from sarcastic questioning to honest concern. “Oh no.” She stretched her hand out and met Ashlyn’s forehead with her palm. “I can’t tell if you have a fever. Your skin is ice cold.”
She helped Ashlyn up and insisted that she go to bed.
...
Ashlyn groaned when she heard a knock at the door. She pulled the hotel comforter over her head and tried to block out the world. She felt someone tug on the blanket that had become her forcefield to protect her from reality. Ashlyn knew that if she put up any sort of a fight, she wouldn’t be able to pretend she was still asleep.
Whitney peeled the protective covering from Ash and asked, “Are you sick? Ali said you’re sick.”
With Whitney standing over Ashlyn, Ash rolled toward her friend, smashed her face into Whit’s thigh and with a muffled voice said, “She’s engaged.”
...
That day was an off day for the team. Whitney told Ash she would go along with her lie about being sick until the following day when Ashlyn would have a “miraculous” recovery and return to practice.
Whitney also promised to stay with her all day, knowing that Ali would probably do the same. Ashlyn begged her to be by her side to help diffuse any awkward situation, or any opportunity for Ali to find out the truth.
Ashlyn’s heart was broken.
...
It wasn’t the first time. For years all the two ever had was a friendship. Ali had fallen in love with someone she described as a wonderful, kind, and talented man. There was no reason for Ashlyn to try to break the two up. She decided that it would be for only selfish reasons to declare her feelings to her best friend. Ashlyn swallowed them up, and never said a word.
As time passed, and Ali and her boyfriend became more and more serious, Ashlyn felt her pain increase to measures unbearable.
“I can’t live like this, Whit.” Ash groaned. She felt sick. It wasn’t a convenient lie anymore. The pain of hopelessness rested heavy on her chest and it made her want to stay in bed all day.
Whitney had heard it all before. She knew the extent of her friend’s feelings, but she had never seen her look so depressed.
“Ash, you either need to talk to her, or let her go. You can’t keep putting yourself through this.” Whit replied.
Ashlyn sighed heavily and said, “It’s not that simple. Nothing will ever be the same. And it’s not like it would even matter. She’s with someone. She loves him enough to want to marry him. How could I want to break up something that makes her happy? All it would do is make her hate me. I can’t lose her.”
“Ash, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Whitney said. She reached for her friend’s hand and asked, “Is it worth it? You can’t eat. Can’t sleep. You’re depressed. The more you hang out with her, the worse you feel. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but is SHE worth this? I think you need to move on. Maybe friendship with her isn’t an option for you.”
“Friendship is the ONLY option.” Ash replied. “I would rather live in constant pain and have her in my life than be without her.”
Whitney wanted to grab Ash and shake some sense into her friend. Ali could never love her the way she wanted. But Ash couldn’t ever see a life without her.
Whit felt her friend was setting herself up for endless heartbreak.
...
The first time Ali stopped by Ashlyn’s room to visit her, Whitney said she was asleep. The second time, she said the same thing, but Ali wasn’t going anywhere. She brought her laptop and said that she would stay with Ash and watch movies. Whit wanted to leave, but Ashlyn had previously begged her to stay. While Ashlyn pretended to sleep, Whitney and Ali quietly conversed.
“She’s really sick.” Ali said, as she nodded toward the blanket-covered lump that was Ashlyn. The blonde goalkeeper made sure her entire body was beneath the hotel comforter.
Whitney wanted to be honest with Ali. She knew that Ali loved Ashlyn, at least as a friend, and wouldn’t want her to hide herself from her.
Instead of telling the truth, Whitney chose to change the subject. “So, what’s new with you?” The moment she asked, she hated herself. Ashlyn had already told her what was new with Ali, and it was the reason she was so upset.
“Well...” Ali said. “I don’t know if Ash told you, but I’m engaged.” Ali noticed Whitney’s eyes look toward her finger to where a ring should be. “He gave me a beautiful diamond, but I didn’t want to wear it until I told Ash. I guess, I forgot to put it on after she got sick.”
Whitney tilted her head and tried not to narrow her eyes too much as she considered Ali’s words. She felt that Ali’s answer was a little strange for someone who only had platonic feelings for Ashlyn. Why would it matter if people saw the ring before Ash knew? And how could a newly engaged person forget to wear their ring?
“How did he propose?” Whit asked. She knew that Ash would hate her for asking, but she had her reasons.
“He sent me a text message with a picture of the ring. He was waiting outside of the door to my dorm room.”
Ashlyn rolled her eyes from underneath the blanket.
“Oh.” Whitney said, trying not to sound too unimpressed.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Ali replied. “He’s not one for grand gestures. He’s simple...and sweet. He said he was too nervous and excited to try to plan something, or wait any longer.”
Ashlyn wanted to scream at the top of her lungs that Ali deserved better, but all she could do was listen and wish that it was her that had given her a ring.
“What do you love the most about him?” Whitney asked. She knew that her methods could backfire, but she really wanted to know what was going on inside of the brunette’s head.
“Umm...” Ali hummed. She scratched her head and said, “I don’t know. He’s a good guy. He’s hot.”
The lack of excitement in Ali’s voice was staggering. She was talking about her fiancé and she sounded like she was discussing her favorite brand of toilet paper.
“Ya know, I’ve got things handled here. You don’t have to hang out with us.” Whitney said.
Ashlyn hoped that Ali would take their teammate’s invitation to leave.
“No. I can’t go. I wanna see her when she wakes up.” Ali said and patted Ashlyn’s thigh. “I’m worried about her. Last night she didn’t seem like herself.”
Whitney really wanted to tell Ali the reason for Ashlyn’s behavior, but it wasn’t her secret to tell.
...
“I can’t believe you pretended to sleep that whole time.” Whit whispered harshly to Ashlyn. The two were sharing an elevator as they made their way to a team dinner.
“It wasn’t easy.” Ash replied. “I got a cramp in my leg, but couldn’t move it. I didn’t want Al to think I was waking up.”
“Ash, you need to talk to her.”
“Not about that.” Ash replied without hesitation. She knew what Whit wanted her to share with Ali...and it simply wasn’t going to happen.
“Ashlyn, you heard her. Mister Fiancé doesn’t seem that great. Maybe there is a chance for you two, after all.”
Ashlyn responded as if she was angry, which caught Whit off guard. “Don’t say that! I’m barely hanging on by a thread and you think it’s a good idea for me to put myself in an even more desperate situation?”
“You’ll never know unless you say something. Maybe if you tell her about your feelings it would make a difference.” Whitney said.
Ash answered, “The only difference that it would make is that I would lose my best friend. I could lose everything.”