Chapter Text
May 05, 2011
Shannon
11:32
i’m so excited to see you
Shannon
11:32
seems like your baby is too, better hope that theres no delays
Eddie
11:33
Hey now, don’t even joke about that! My flight landed on time, there's still a few hours until my bus and then like 10 hours to home! I’ll be there before you have to leave for the hospital tomorrow! Probably before you wake up!
Shannon
11:33
you better be
❤️
Shannon
11:34
i love you
Eddie
11:42
I love you too
“Heading home?”
It takes Eddie a moment to realise the question was directed at him. As much as he disliked the device, he’d found comfort in the fact that so long as he kept his head down and nose in his phone, people tended to leave him alone. And right now, jetlagged, unshowered, and stressing about the impending birth of his firstborn, being left alone was exactly what Eddie wanted. If only he were so lucky.
“Sorry, you probably don’t want someone in your business. You just…seemed invested in whoever you were texting and you're in your uniform still, and you’re at the coach stop rather than inside the airport so you must’ve already flown in so one would assume you’re on your way home, or at least—”
Jesus christ can this guy talk.
It’s a guy around his own age, a mop of dyed dark curls sweat-slick against his forehead. He’s not from Texas, that much Eddie can tell, if not by his voice—that is still yapping—then by the colour of his skin and his unnaturally sweaty demeanour. His eyes are a sea glass blue and while his right eye is surrounded by a fading yellow bruise, there’s a raspberry pink mark across his left eyebrow.
The colour matches his lips. Pretty. Eddie’s brain supplies.
He wishes it wouldn’t.
“Anyways, so, yeah, figured you must be on your way home,” the pretty stranger trails off.
Eddie nods slowly, wracking his brain for what exactly had been said for half of those ramblings. He’s coming up empty, but he’s not going to admit that. “I have ten days at home…or seven, when you take into account travel time, I guess,” Eddie tells him slowly, tugging at the cuff of his gear. He’d meant to change, get into some civilian clothes before he makes it back to El Paso. But there’s a part of him that takes pride in the uniform, a part of him that says look! look who I am for our family! Though he’s not sure whether it’s directed more towards Shannon or his parents. And it’s too late now, his duffle checked and tucked away somewhere in the back room of the Coach Stop. “My uh…my wife is getting induced tomorrow. Our first.”
“No way!” He lights up like Christmas. “That’s so exciting! Congratulations! And uh…thank you for your service?”
Eddie does his best to cover the snort behind his hand, he does. But the stranger in front of him is blushing that same shade of raspberry and it’s all he can do not to fall into a fit of giggles as he finds his own face heating up.
The young guy covers his face, “Awh, man,” he mutters apologetically, “That was a dumb thing to say.”
“No, no,” Eddie giggles, waving a hand at him.
It’s not even that funny, not really. But it was just the way he’s said it, questioning and oh so serious immediately after the child-like enthusiasm of finding out about the incoming birth. But Eddie can’t find the strength in himself to stop laughing, especially not as he chances a look at his company to find his arms folded across his chest in an indignant pout; all 180? pounds of what had to be college footballer muscle, pouting like a petulant toddler; and falls into an even louder fit of laughter.
They’re gaining the attention of some of the other waiting travellers, and in any other scenario Eddie might have been embarrassed to have so many sets of eyes on him, but it feels easier, lighter, especially as the guy breaks into his own fit of giggles.
It’s refreshing, comforting even, to have someone to laugh with. He’s not sure he’s laughed like this since before he found out Shannon was pregnant. Even the comradery of being in the army, oftentimes the laughter felt forced, like every second there was something looming waiting to happen so don’t get too comfortable in yourself.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie says as he finally gains control of himself, catching the stranger's gaze.
His eyes are glassy and there’s tears catching in his lashes that are practically invisible with how wide he’s smiling. Eddie finds it hard to breathe for a moment.
“Don’t worry about it, I haven’t laughed that hard in…” he trails off, seeming to think on it a moment before shaking his head and reaching a hand across the table. “I’m Evan, by the way.”
“Eddie,” he slips his hand into the waiting one, having to look away from the way Evan's hand is so much larger than his own, and then away as he finds himself staring at the smile on Evan’s lips just a little too long for comfort. “So, what brings you to Texas?”
“I uh, lost my football scholarship,” Evan shrugs, suddenly a lot less enthusiastic about the conversation. “Had an argument with my parents and got on the first bus out of Hershey. Ended up in Tennessee for a couple days, hated it, got on the next bus out of town… got here a week ago… trying to decide if I should go home or continue west.”
“You don’t get along with your parents?” It’s not so much a question as it is an invitation for Evan to continue. He knew what it was to have a broken relationship with your parents, and he could see just from the way Evan had scowled around their title that he was probably sitting in the same sinking ship.
“More like they don't get along with me,” Evan says with a bitterness that rivals Helena Diaz. He shrugs, then, pushing away the expression on his face. “So, you said you had a wife? Aren’t you a little young for the whole…marriage thing? You can’t be older than me.”
Eddie laughs, surprised by his abruptness, but nods, “Her name is Shannon. We met in Middle School and…well if I’m honest I don’t even know that we ever properly dated, we just went from being friends to sleeping together. Then suddenly she was telling me she was pregnant, and I was proposing and joining the army.”
“Sounds like a real high school romance,” It’s sarcastic, and perhaps Eddie should be a little more offended but if he’s honest with himself—and he’s had a lot of time for self-reflection as an Army Medic—there was absolutely nothing romantic about the way he felt for Shannon.
“I’m excited about our baby,” Eddie says softly. He hadn’t been at first, he’d been terrified, he wasn’t the paternal type, he had nothing to go off, his Abuelo died when he was too young to remember him, and his father was gone more than he was around. But he knew how to be the man of the house, he knew he had to provide and so provide he did. He provided Shannon with the title of wife, so people didn’t give her looks, he provided her with a home and an income by joining the army and he provided his parents with another reason to look down on him as the failure to the Diaz name. “We have names picked out, Christopher if it’s a boy or Elise if it’s a girl. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified, but I’m so excited.”
“Man, I’d love to have a kid. I think if I didn't get into college on a football scholarship I’d probably study to work with kids.”
“Maybe if you stick around in Texas I’ll hire you as a babysitter,” Eddie jokes, leaning back in his seat. He catches Evan’s eye; he’s watching him with a barely there wounded look and Eddie feels a sense of sadness wash over him. “Can I be honest with you? I know I’m a total stranger but like…you might be the only person I can ever tell.”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“I don’t think I would’ve ever had kids if Shannon hadn’t fallen pregnant. I don’t think I’d ever have married her, either” It’s something that’s terrified him for so long that now telling someone he feels almost free of it. “I never dated anyone, never slept with anyone but her and…y’know I’m barely twenty, I want to go out and meet people and fall in love and…and experiment and instead I just feel like I’m stuck.”
“You said ‘fall in love’...” Evan watches him, it feels like he’s seeing straight into his soul. “You’re not in love with Shannon?”
Eddie blanches, eyes darting down away from the knowing gaze of the man he’s just met.
“I don’t think I even like girls,” it’s barely above a whisper, and yet it feels like it’s echoing around him. All eyes in the room seem to turn to him, somewhere 600 miles away his parents’ ears have perked up and they’re waiting for him to show up to tell him how much of a failure and a disappointment he is, and how he’s never going to be a worthy son. But at the same time there's a weight lifting off his chest that he’s been carrying around since middle school.
“Oh,” Evan’s response is quiet. Eddie chances a look at him and there’s that slightly wounded expression back on his face. Though it seems the moment he realises Eddie’s watching him he schools it, meeting his eye again. “How long until your bus?”
“Still a few hours away, why?”
Evan grins, not happy but… Eddie can’t put his finger on the expression, and he doesn’t have time to worry about it as his hand is lifted from the table and he’s being dragged from the table towards the bathrooms.
“Evan where—”
Their bags hit the floor and door locks behind them, which is definitely a safety hazard, and Evan takes a trembling breath, “Let me—?”
It takes a moment for Eddie’s brain to catch up to what’s even going on, Evan’s hands finding his waist, crowding his space in a way that makes Eddie feel small in all the best ways (which up until this moment he wasn’t aware was possible), he’s watching him, wanting and waiting and now Eddie understands the grin, a sparked idea that can be acted out in the privacy of an all too public restroom miles away from where anyone who matters to either of them will ever know. And it’s stupid and reckless but it might also be the only time Eddie ever gets the chance so with a trembling breath he nods.
“Okay.”
The permission is barely out of his mouth before Evan is catching his lips in a practised kiss, pulling their bodies flush against each other and backing them until Eddie’s pinned between him and a wall. His own hands come up, tangling into the curls that gather at the nape of Evan’s neck, tugging him down with an eagerness he wasn’t aware he’d possessed. He didn't know kissing was meant to feel like this, didn’t know it could feel like this. It’s all encompassing, Evan’s hands under his shirt and his musk in his nose and his tongue near forcing its way into Eddie’s all too pliant mouth. He lets himself sink into the feeling, something he’s never done before, always hyper aware when he was with Shannon, mind always on making sure it was good for her so she might never find out he wasn’t in love with her the way she was with him.
Evan slots a leg between Eddie’s, practically lifting him off the tiled floor as Eddie presses to his tiptoes and sways into the sudden pressure. He moans, head falling back away from the kiss, but Evan doesn’t let that stop him, mouth coming down onto his throat, sending goosebumps in its wake.
“No marks,” Eddie manages to have enough willpower to remind him, his hand sliding further up into Evan’s hair, using it as leverage to grind down on him.
For a minute they remain in this limbo, Evan’s mouth catching along Eddie’s throat and Eddie rutting into Evan’s thigh like it's the first time he’s gotten off; then Evan’s lips find his again and he lifts Eddie up with an ease that goes straight to his cock. His legs wrap loosely around Evan’s middle, using the new angle to grind down against him and when Evan moans back into his mouth it feels like he’s swimming in the sound. A voice in the back of his mind reminds him they’re in public and that there are people who could walk right past and hear them at any moment, and while the fear of getting caught gnaws at him, the rest of him is craving to hear the sound again. He rocks down a second time and is met with Evan pressing up, the firm line of his dick making itself known against Eddie’s where he’s straining in his pants.
He wants to get his mouth on him, now.
“Ev…” he gasps out against his lips, trailing off as Evan meets his eye with a gaze so wrecked and heavy that for a moment Eddie can do nothing but revel in the knowledge that he made someone look like that. “Let me down.”
Evan hesitates, but lowers Eddie to his feet, “Did I go too far?”
“God, no,” Eddie takes the chance to kiss him again, sucking Evan’s plush lower lip between his own. His hands move then, sliding down the front of the worn Henley, grazing the ridges of his abdomen before taking hold of the waistband of his shorts.
It takes two seconds for Eddie to push away his nerves before he’s sliding his hand down the front of Evan’s briefs, wrapping loosely around the head of his cock. He’s bigger than Eddie is, girthier too, but it’s not all that different to touching himself when it gets down to it. Evan gasps out against his mouth, his whole body seeming to react to the touch and Eddie doesn’t care to waste another minute as he drops down to his knees and tugs Evan’s shorts down his thighs.
Eddie might have a new favourite colour. He’s so serious he might. The head of Evan’s dick shines that same raspberry colour and Eddie chances a glance up to his face to see the matching lips parted and glazed eyes watching him. He hums, giving him a few starting strokes, watching a bead of precum form at his tip before swallowing him down. It’s not necessarily an unpleasant flavour, but it’s one he thinks he could get used to. He flattens his tongue over his slit and watches as Evan slaps a hand over his mouth. Eddie wishes they weren’t in public so he could hear him fall apart. The weight on his tongue while foreign, is not unwelcome; especially as he guides his mouth further down the length of it, his senses overwhelmed by Evan’s musk and all he can think as he begins to bob his head is that he didn't realise giving could feel this good.
“So good—Eddie—” Evan gasps above him, his hand coming down to press just barely against the back of Eddie’s head. Oh, how Eddie wants. He forces eye contact with Evan as he pulls off, wishing silently he still had longer hair. He wants Evan to hold it in fistfuls and force him down.
“Don’t be gentle,” he gasps out, taking Evan back into his mouth. It’s barely a second before Evan’s hand cradles the back of his head and pushes him down. He gags at first, spit dribbling from where his lips are stretched around Evan’s cock. He has to focus, will himself to relax, to breathe through his nose where he’s pressed into the short curls of hair at the base of Evan’s cock. It should be gross, hell, any other day it would be gross. They’re both sweaty and the bathroom smells like piss and Evan is a stranger. But right now, his dick is straining in his pants and his brain is repeating a mantra of so good Eddie that he doesn’t really care.
Eddie slides his hands over the hairy span of Evan’s thighs, revelling in the way his muscles flex under his touch. He preens, humming low in the back of his throat as Evan pulls his hips back and fucks into his mouth. Fuck.
Above him Evan is making broken off noises into his palm, his eyes have shut, head fallen back against the tiles. Eddie can’t believe he’s made someone look like that, sound like that. He swallows around the weight in his mouth, regretfully dropping a hand from Evan’s thigh to push into his waistband, finally getting a hand around his straining cock. It’s hard at first, finding rhythm between giving and taking. He’s never been in this situation, never been so hard while being down on Shannon that he just had to do something about it.
And it’s like Evan knows, knows he can’t help but to touch himself because he blinks down at him then and fucks up harder into his mouth. Eddie gags again, eyes watering as he blisses out, the pressure of everything suddenly just too much and he pulls off Evan in time to gasp out his name as he spills in hot wet ribbons over the inside of his briefs.
Evan hums, his hand petting at Eddie’s hair and his face as Eddie comes down from his orgasm. Eddie’s never felt so good in his life and for a second he just drops his forehead into Evan’s thigh and wills himself to breathe. He can still see Evan’s dick out the corner of his eye red and wet, dripping with precum and Eddie’s own spit, but Evan isn’t complaining, waiting patiently for Eddie to gather himself together.
He’s not sure which one of them moves first, but it’s slower as Evan feeds the head of his cock between Eddie’s waiting lips. Evan holds his head still, finger under Eddie’s chin and gives himself a few long strokes before he’s spilling into his mouth with a choked off gasp. Eddie laps it up greedily, swallowing down anything Evan gives and whining as he pulls away.
Evan tucks himself back into his shorts and disappears somewhere behind Eddie, returning with a bit of wadded up toilet paper. He gets to work cleaning around Eddie’s mouth, then helping him to his feet and tugging his briefs down to clean up the best he can where Eddie had made a mess of himself.
It should be gross. Eddie should be grossed out, weirded out. Something. But he just sways into Evan’s grip, letting himself be cleaned until he’s tucked back into his pants and Evan’s hands are on his cheeks, guiding his eyes up to meet him.
“Hey…you with me?” His voice is soft, far away almost.
Eddie nods, his limbs feel heavy and all too light at the same time, “Thank you,” he whispers out. He’s not entirely sure what he’s thanking Evan for, but there’s a small smile forming on the other man’s lips as he dips down and kisses him once, soft and sweet and nothing like the last one.
“Let’s get you some water and something to eat, hmm?”
He’s guided out of the bathroom, and sat at a table alone, Evan disappearing from his sight for a minute. There’s a clattering at the vending machine in the corner, before Evan is returning with a Gatorade and some kind of fruit bar.
He’s handed a few small pieces of the bar and a slow mouthful of the Gatorade and for a few minutes they just sit together in silence. Slowly, the room gets a little louder and Eddie tunes in to the feeling of Evan drawing circles into his palm. He squeezes down on his finger, glancing over at him.
“There you are,” Evan smiles. “You ever done that before?”
Eddie shakes his head, leaning back in his chair, “Never felt so good in my life,” he admits. A part of him feels like he should be embarrassed by the admission, but Evan’s giving him this look and he can’t find it in himself to care all that much right now. That’s a panic he can save for later.
He pulls himself away from Evan’s imploring gaze, turning to look instead at their surroundings. The waiting area is marginally emptier than when they went in, a crowd of people lined up at a coach just outside the door. Eddie wonders distantly if anyone heard them. He squeezes Evan’s finger again and gets three taps to his palm in response.
“Can I suggest something?” Evan asks softly, continuing despite Eddie’s lack of response. “Don’t sleep around with strangers.”
Eddie tilts his head towards him, almost offended by the request. Evan’s a stranger and he wants to get jealous? But there’s no possessive weirdness in the way Evan’s watching him, just concern. It makes Eddie sick in the pit of his stomach.
“If someone else gets you to subspace like that? And they don’t fix you up after? That can be really dangerous for you,” Evan tells him, “People will take advantage of that. You gotta…don’t let anyone treat you any less than how I treated you just now.”
Eddie settles his chin into the palm of his hand, propped against the table, “You don’t have to worry about me doing that. I have a wife to get back to…and then a child, and then a war.”
Evan gives him a pitying look, “Can I give you my number? And if anything happens and you need…just call me? Or text me? Even if something doesn’t happen and you just want someone to talk to.”
“Okay,” Eddie agrees, finally releasing his touch on Evan’s hand to pull his phone from his pocket and drop it onto the table in front of him. “You should go back to Hershey. Reapply for college and become a teacher or something.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Evan taps his number into his phone, sliding it back across to Eddie. “Not sure I’ll get into anything higher than community college, not sure my brain works that way anyways.”
Eddie
12:46
So you have my number too
Eddie
12:46
Same deal, if you ever just want someone to talk to
Evan
12:46
u coulda just said that out loud
Evan
12:47
but thanks
Eddie slides his phone back into his pocket, looking over at Evan. He’s staring down at his phone, a small frown on his face.
“What is it?”
Evan shrugs, turning his phone towards Eddie so he could see the message he’s frowning at.
Margaret Buckley (Mom)
12:23
Okay Evan, you have had your fun and your little temper tantrum. It’s time for you to come home now. Your father and I can’t keep playing these little games with you. If you want us to keep supporting you, you had better be on the first flight out of Texas tomorrow or you can guarantee your credit card will be cut off. Don’t forget you’re spending our money, I know exactly where and when you’ve been. Get home now or you won’t have a home to come back to. This is all your fault don’t forget, you’re the one who lost your scholarship. Get. Home.
“I know I just said you should go back to Hershey, but maybe you shouldn’t go back,” Eddie glances up at him. He and his parents had their issues, he can’t remember the last face to face conversation he had with them that didn’t end in some form of an argument. But that message, that was nothing but plain cruelty. “That's…who talks to their kids that way.”
“That's tame,” Evan laughs bitterly, dropping his phone face down on the table, “But I have to go home. Because I don’t have any income that isn’t theirs at the moment. So if I don’t I’ll end up somewhere out there…”
“I could message Shannon? You could come stay with us for a little while?”
“You’re only back for a week,” Evan pokes Eddie’s shoulder with mild accusation. “And Shannon is about to give birth to your firstborn. And to be completely honest, I’d rather not ever be face to face with the wife of a man I slept with. That’s like, my biggest fear. No, I should go back. You’re both right, I should try at college again and...and Maddie—my sister’s probably worrying about me.”
“Okay,” Eddie agrees. “But the offer remains.”
Evan had his own life outside of this little bubble they created for themselves in the last hour or so. They were strangers. They could be friends. They could be more. Disappointment eats at the pit of Eddie’s stomach. They could be more than this. More than a once off hook-up in a coach stop bathroom after baring his soul to a stranger. Maybe in another life they could've been everything.
Eddie
15:01
Promise you’ll stay in touch?
He watches out the bus window as Evan pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks it. He looks up, searching for Eddie through the tinted windows, then back down to his phone.
Evan
15:02
promise
May 06, 2011
Eddie
21:37
Introducing Christopher Diaz weighing in at a tiny 5.9lbs
[Image Attached]
Eddie
21:38
He’s so tiny, Evan. I didn’t know babies could be this small. Doctors wanna keep him and Shannon for a couple days, there were some complications during the birth and they just wanna keep an eye on things. Shannon’s asleep now and I’m just sitting here staring at my son. He’s so fucking beautiful and so fucking small.
Eddie
21:38
I never knew what love was before holding him
[Image Attached]
Eddie
21:39
Wait I just remembered time differences, sorry if I woke you! It's been a big day, lots of visitors! Message me tomorrow!
Evan
21:42
holy shit eddie you had a boy
☺️
Evan
21:42
super adorable
Evan
21:42
u didn wake me was just in shower
Eddie
21:43
Aw, without me? ;)
Eddie
21:43
Ew. Pretend I never sent that
[Evan has taken a screenshot]
Evan
21:44
too late
😜
Evan
21:44
ur incorrigable
Evan
21:44
or whatevr the saying is
Eddie
21:45
And your grammar is disgusting!
Evan
21:45
its a txt eddie it doesnt have to b perfect
Evan
21:45
but if it makes u feel better i’ll do a bit of spellchecking before i hit send
Evan
21:45
just for u tho
Eddie
21:46
Just for little me?
Evan
21:46
nothing little about u eddie
Eddie
21:46
Now who’s incorrigible?
Evan
21:47
how can i not be have u seen ur ass?
Evan
21:47
devastated i never got my hands on it
Eddie
21:47
You need to stop
Eddie
21:48
I’m in my wife's hospital room!
Evan
21:48
u started it!!
😔
Evan
21:55
sorry if i took it too far not sure the protocol here
Evan
23:22
i should go to sleep, i’ll talk to you tomorrow
May 07, 2011
Eddie
05:32
Sorry, Chris woke up and then Shannon woke up and I just never got back to my phone
Eddie
05:33
you didn’t take it too far
Eddie
05:33
i liked it
Evan
07:23
how was the first night?
Eddie
07:24
Long
Eddie
07:24
I've had better nights sleep when I was in Afghanistan
Evan
07:24
i was doing something reading after u stopped replying and not to freak u out but like apparently its worse at home bc u dnt have the help of the hospital staff
Eddie
07:25
thanks.
Eddie
07:27
How was it with your parents?
Evan
07:28
i think the only reason im not grounded is bc im a legal adult
Evan
07:29
there was a lot of yelling from both of us and i almost walked out again but we came to an agreement of sorts in the end
Evan
07:30
i'm going to apply for community college next semester and they've agreed to keep supporting me financially as long as i dont get kicked out but tbh i dont want their money i just want them to care but i think they think it’s the same thing?
Eddie
07:30
Evan, I’m sorry
Evan
07:35
how was it with urs? u said lots of visitors?
Eddie
07:36
Don’t deflect, we’re talking about you and your familial issues
Evan
07:36
id rather not
Evan
07:36
also that implies u also have familial issues
Eddie
07:37
Uh, yeah! Was that not clear with the whole closeted gay man married to a woman thing we discussed on Monday?
Eddie
07:37
Also, so weird we only met two days ago. Feel like I’ve known you my whole life.
Eddie
07:52
Sorry, that was probably weird thing to say.
Evan
08:01
not weird
Evan
08:02
i feel the same
May 08, 2011
Evan
09:21
did u know some babies stop breathing for like 5-10 seconds? that’s scary!
Eddie
09:21
No I didn’t know that! Why would you tell me that? That’s terrifying?!
Evan
09:22
idk just was reading up on babies and thats what it said
Eddie
09:23
Why are you reading up on babies?
Evan
09:23
idk u just had a baby so they were on my mind. i like learning things
Eddie
09:24
You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met
Evan
09:24
not sure if thats a good thing
Eddie
09:40
It is.
May 10, 2011
Eddie
02:13
Chris says hi
Eddie
02:14
And by hi I mean he just pooped all down my shirt
Eddie
02:14
I’ve smelt some pretty awful things in my life but nothing quite meets up to the smell of baby poop
Eddie
03:22
He's only just fallen asleep, I’m going to try and get some shut eye
Evan
08:21
hi christopher
Evan
08:22
hope you finally got some sleep
Eddie
08:30
not enough
Eddie
08:31
My parents are coming around today so I probably won’t be around much to talk
Eddie
08:31
wish me luck
Evan
08:31
good luck
May 12, 2011
Evan
18:24
hey u leave tomorrow yeah? are u able to talk once ur gone?
Eddie
19:33
Not like this…but we can call home like once a month and we have emails but there's poor signal so it kinda sucks to use. And worst case we can write old fashioned letters.
Eddie
19:35
Why? Are you going to miss me?
Evan
19:35
yeah
Evan
19:36
just dont disappear on me, ok?
Eddie
19:37
promise
May 13, 2011
Eddie
20:22
Are you awake?
Evan
20:22
yeah whats up?
Eddie
20:22
Just waiting for my flight. Thinking about Christopher.
Eddie
20:23
And you.
Eddie
20:23
What are you doing?
Evan
20:23
was about to message u tbh
Evan
20:24
u were thinking about me?
Eddie
20:24
Wish we met under different circumstances.
Evan
20:26
yeah me too…
Eddie
20:27
Why were you about to message me?
Evan
20:27
was gonna send u a dick pic for the road
😜
Evan
20:27
jk
Evan
20:28
just wanted to see if u got through security safe
Eddie
20:29
Can’t believe you’d get my hopes up like that just to hit me with a “jk”
Eddie
20:29
Should’ve taken me up on my offer to be sister wives with Shannon
Evan
20:30
SISTER WIVES
Evan
20:30
ur the worst
Eddie
20:30
Says the guy making empty promises regarding his dick
Eddie
20:31
Maybe I should’ve shipped you off to live with my Abuela, lord knows she’d love having you around. She’d have you practising your Spanish through Telenovela.
Evan
20:32
please never talk about ur abuela and my dick in the same breath again
Eddie
20:32
THEY WERE SEPARATE TEXTS
Eddie
20:33
Probably for the best I didn’t send you off with her. She’d marry you off to one of my cousins before I made it home. Or worse. One of my sisters.
Evan
20:33
no thanks
Evan
20:35
how long until ur flight now?
Eddie
20:35
Why? You trying to get rid of me?
Eddie
20:35
Boarding in 5 :(
Evan
20:36
[Image Attached]
Evan
20:36
little something for yu to rememebr me by
Eddie
20:37
I’m not sure if I should be disappointed or relieved that that’s not a picture of your dick
Eddie
20:37
[Image Attached]
Evan
20:39
you’re so hot. i dont think i told u that but i need u to know before u go i have the biggest stupidest crush on u. did from the moment i saw u.
Evan
20:39
be safe
Evan
20:40
keep in touch
Eddie
20:40
promise
Shannon
20:40
be safe, we love you!
Eddie
20:40
Give Chris a kiss for me.
September 4, 2011
“Diaz.”
The soft thump of an envelope hits his bunk before Eddie can even sit upright. He nods his thanks towards Peterson and picks up the letter. He’s unfamiliar with the handwriting, a barely legible scrawl that makes him hesitant to open it until he sees the PA stamp attached.
July 28
Eddie,
I was trying to see how long this would take to get to you but everywhere gave me different answers. Some places said it might not even get to you at all—I hope it does. Let me know what date it finally shows up for you!
I miss you. I know that sounds stupid, we only met once and only spoke regularly for a week but I felt like I could be myself with you and it’s really hard to find someone like that. We’ve emailed a couple times at this point and you’re right, the service does suck (unless you’re lying to me and just ignoring them, in which case, RUDE). Is it embarrassing of me to say I check for a message from you every day? I start classes back up next week, I’m excited but I wish they had a football team, then I’d feel like I’m doing something with myself. Might see if I can help train the kids league on weekends or something. Outside of that I did take your advice, I got a job. Just at the local sandwich joint because they're willing to work around my college classes, but as you said something is better than nothing. And I can put this aside to save up and get away from my parents which will be nice. They’re getting worse, it’s like they want me to fail just to be rid of me.
I’m worried about Maddie, I think Doug’s been mistreating her but she won’t talk to me and I don’t have any solid proof to send the cops around.
How have things been for you? How’s Christopher? I know I’ve probably heard all of these things by the time you get my letter but I want the updated version. Write back!!
When your deployment ends do you think we could meet up? I’m sure you want to see your son and your sisters more than anything, but maybe I could fly out to Texas and we could spend some time in the Coach Stop restroom together between your flight and your bus. That way your wife doesn’t have to know about me.
Sincerely,
The other womanEvan
Eddie smiles, folding the letter and tucking it into his duffle. He fishes blindly for a moment before his hands close around his notebook and pen, pulling them up onto the bed to begin writing out a reply.
“Was that your wife?”
He glances at Peterson, shaking his head just barely, “No, not Shannon. Just a friend.”
“Ooh, you got a woman on the side, Diaz?”
“It’s not like that,” Eddie laughs, but even as he lies he can feel his cheeks heating up. It’s sickening how even just the thought of Evan brings a smile to his face. The days where they get to talk are some of the easiest days he has, even if it's just a quick one sided correspondence.
“Your lips say it's not but your cheeks say it is,” Peterson eggs him on. By now he’s drawn the attention of a few of the others laying around for the afternoon. “Spill. What’s she like? Or will I have to fish out your letter and read it myself?”
“Don’t,” Eddie drops his foot off the bed so it can act as a sort of barrier to his duffle. “C’mon man, it’s just a friend. A guy friend.”
Peterson holds his hands up, “Sure. If that’s the story you want to tell.”
“Leave him alone, Joseph.”
Eddie turns his gaze over to Daniel, mouthing his thanks. He likes Daniel. He’s about eight years older than Eddie, he doesn’t talk much about his personal life but as far as Eddie can tell it’s not a girlfriend at the other end of his calls.
September 4, 2011
Dear Other Woman,
Hi Evan.
As you can see it was just over a month—however we’ve been sitting ducks for almost a week now so that probably helped. Not sure if we’ll have as much luck come your next letter (please send another).
I miss you too. And I’m not lying, if I could talk to you every day I would. That’s one thing that sucks about this standstill. There’s absolutely no signal for anything. The fact your letter came today is a godsend and I might have to start praying again. I’ve been bored, can you believe that?
By the time you receive this you would’ve already started your classes but I want you to know I’m thinking of you and I’m proud of you. Congrats on the job, too!! Don’t let your parents get to you, I know it’s easier said than done but Evan you are worth so much more than the person they see you to be. I wish I could tell you that every day.
That’s hard with Maddie and Doug. I’m not really sure what advice I can offer you except to make sure she knows that she isn’t alone and that you love her and you’re there for her. When she’s ready she’ll come to you, if Doug is mistreating her the last thing you want to do is back her into a corner.
Christopher is doing okay. I spoke to Shannon the day before we moved bases and she was taking him to see a doctor for something but I’m not exactly sure what. She’s stressing about it though so that makes me worry. I wish I could be there, I didn’t realise being away would be so hard.
About meeting up, we’ll give it a firm maybe. I’d love to see you, like I said, I miss you. But it’s still months before I’m back home and I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep.
Yours ,
Eddie
December 25, 2011
“Merry Christmas!” Eddie blows a kiss to Christopher on the screen, waving at Shannon. “I love you, mijo.”
“We love you!” Shannon holds up Christopher’s hand, making him wave. “Bye daddy. Say bye!”
“Bye,” Eddie waves, ending the call. He lets out a shaky breath, glancing down at the list of people still waiting to make their calls back home. There’s only a few left, but it’s been a long day and he’s not sure he’ll be forgiven for taking up an extra ten minutes. Especially not after how long his call had already taken him, having started off with his mother and sisters there as well as Shannon and Chris. He skims down the list for his device, tapping on Daniel’s name once before waving over the next person and going to find him.
“Edmundo, how can I help you?” Daniel looks up from his book before Eddie’s even reached his bunk.
Eddie rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, “I was just hoping you could come find me after you’ve made your call? You’re last on the list and I didn’t wanna take time from anyone else but I have a friend and his family’s kinda shit and I just thought a call might…be a nice surprise.”
“Ah, the other woman.”
“What?”
“That’s what the others refer to your…friend,” Daniel shrugs.
Eddie shouldn’t be surprised. Ever since his first letter with Evan there had been whispers, mostly sparked from Peterson, which is why he hadn’t paid them any mind. He wasn’t aware it had grown to be a thing amongst the others.
“I’ll see how much time I have for my call,” Daniel nods. “My boyfriend doesn’t like calling because it makes him cry. It probably won’t last more than a couple of minutes so you can just take whatever time there’s left of my slot. Saves people asking questions about extended use.”
It’s the first time Daniel’s outright said the term boyfriend, and maybe he’s reading into it but the trust in the previously unspoken knowledge feels like a silent ‘I see you’.
“Thank you, thank you, seriously.”
Daniel waves a hand, “Don’t mention it.”
“Eddie?”
All the oxygen leaves his lungs as Evan appears on the screen. It’s the first time he’s seen him since the text he’d sent when Eddie was at the airport and he’s not sure if it’s just the lack of visuals but he looks more beautiful than before. Tired, like maybe he’s just rolled out of bed. And if Eddie does the mental maths, it’s probably not all that unlikely.
“Hello? Do we have a poor connection?” there’s a rattling and the camera shakes as if Evan had hit the side of his phone, as if it was on his end that the line wasn’t connecting.
Eddie laughs, shaking his head, “Sorry, no. I’m here. Hi.”
“Hi,” Evan smiles, soft and relieved. “I didn't think I’d hear from you today.”
“You weren't going to,” Eddie admits, soaking in the smile like a lifeline. “But I managed to steal a couple of minutes from a friend whose call didn’t last long. I miss you.”
“I miss you,” Evan presses his lips together. “Hey, Happy Christmas.”
“Yeah, to you too,” Eddie grins. “Do you have anything special planned?”
“Nah, you know me, just cruising,” Evan gives him a tight lipped smile. “Speaking of cruising, Marg and Phillip have gone on a cruise for Christmas. Left me home alone with the consolation prize of the motorbike I was eyeing up to buy myself. I know I should be grateful—it’s a really nice bike—”
“Oh, Evan…” Eddie frowns. “You’re not seeing Maddie?”
“She’s working. Said she’d swing by after but I don’t think she will. It’s been harder to get time with her,” Evan shrugs, but Eddie can see how hard it’s affecting him, even through their pixelated screen. “I’ll be okay.”
“You will be,” Eddie agrees, tipping his head back. Out his peripheral he can see Daniel flag him down for time. “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”
“Yeah…”
“Listen, I gotta go. But I’ll message you tomorrow probably, and I sent off your letter last week. Take care of yourself and do something today.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Evan waves a hand. “Thank you for calling, I missed your voice. Be safe.”
“Promise,” Eddie nods. “I love you.”
The call disconnects.
Eddie freezes.
Where the hell did that come from?
January 01, 2012
To: Edmundo Diaz
From: [email protected]
happy nee yeat eddie j wish y eere here so i coukd ksis tou at misnigr but insted in jsut drunj at tis stuidu kegdr
To: Edmundo Diaz
From: [email protected]
divofce yout wife
To: Edmundo Diaz
From: [email protected]
i cant bekeuve you ssud that you lovr me and then j havent talkd tk uku sinfe
January 02, 2012
To: Edmundo Diaz
From: [email protected]
If I could delete an email after it’s been sent I would. I’m so sorry, you did not need to see those. I miss you, I hope you’re making safer decisions than I made last night. I don't know the protocol here, because I don’t know what we are—what are we? But I’ll be honest, I did hookup with someone last night. Not sex but definitely did some things below the belt. I feel guilty about it, which I don’t know if I should, because we’re not together. But the last time we spoke you told me you loved me. And it could’ve been platonic but I don’t think it was.
Message back,
Evan.
January 04, 2011
To: Edmundo Diaz
From: [email protected]
I don’t know if you’re just busy and not seeing these or if you’re intentionally ignoring me but I think we should talk properly about this. Call me when you can.
January 15, 2012
To: [email protected]
From: Edmundo Diaz
Evan,
This isn’t really a conversation we can have over the phone. Not because it shouldn’t be had, but because it’s a conversation that needs privacy and that’s not something we’re going to get here. Sorry I took so long to get back to you. I would say things got busy (which is true) but also I was just scared (also true). Do you know I haven’t told Shannon I love her since the day we met? I wish I was lying but I’m not, it was the last message I sent her before you started talking to me. I didn’t even realise it until I said it to you and then I kinda just spiralled. The thing is, Evan, I’ve known I was gay for so much of my life and I always pushed it down. I had myself convinced that I could be a good straight catholic boy. I had myself convinced that if I pretended for long enough that it wouldn’t be pretend anymore. So I let Shannon kiss me, and I let her call me her boyfriend, and we slept together, and we slept together again and again and I always used to tell myself Edmundo this time will be it. And then she fell pregnant and I just thought, this is how I can prove it, I will marry her. I give her a husband and a home. I can be that. And I did. But it never felt like enough, I never felt like enough. But then I met you. And in less than an hour you had me confessing I was gay and you took me apart and then put me back together and suddenly I was enough. And then I went home to my wife and our child and my family and I was reminded that I couldn’t be enough. I’m not even making any sense right now I don’t think. The thing is, I don’t not love Shannon. I love her so much it makes me angry. But I’m not in love with her. You pointed it out yourself the day we met, remember? I was talking about wanting to experience being young and you pointed it out. I think I’m finally experiencing it. I think I am falling in love with you, Evan. But it’s not as simple as that. I can’t divorce my wife. We have a child together and I will not be the deadbeat absent father for Christopher that mine was for me.
You shouldn’t feel guilty about kissing other people. I want nothing more than for you to find someone who makes you learn what it is to fall in love. I wish it could be me, but it can’t. I know you probably don’t want to hear that. I hope you’ll stay in touch, but I understand if you decide you don’t want to anymore.
Eddie
February 29, 2012
To: [email protected]
From: Edmundo Diaz
I know it's late notice but I’ll be at the Coach Stop at 11am-3pm March 5. I miss you. I hope to see you there.
To: Edmundo Diaz
From: [email protected]
see you then
March 05, 2012
Eddie
11:35
Hey just checking if you’re still coming…
Eddie
12:03
Just reminding you… Bus leaves at 3. Did you get held up somewhere?
[Missed Call from Eddie 12:41]
Eddie
13:27
Evan, I’m kinda worried. It’s okay if you changed your mind but could you just let me know? As much as I would’ve liked to see you I would understand.
[Missed Call from Eddie 13:38]
[Missed Call from Eddie 13:56]
[Missed Call from Eddie 14:33]
Eddie
14:49
Text me when you see these.
March 06, 2011
Eddie
00:01
I’m really worried about you. Can’t stop thinking something might’ve happened.
Eddie
02:17
Please be okay
Evan
20:19
omg u were worried about meeee
Evan
20:22
no i shouldnt joke i’m sorry i didn’t show yesterday, things have been fucked here, i crashed my bike and busted my arm and then my parents and i got into another fight and i spoke to maddie and we were gonna get out of hershey together but she changed her mind. so now its just me and her jeep and i’m going to be honest eddie i’m fucking terrified. last time i ran i think i knew in my head that eventually i would come back. but i don’t think i’m going to be coming back this time and i’m so scared and i feel really alone.
Evan
20:22
i hope you got home safe. how was your first day back? how is christopher?
Eddie
20:22
Omg. Are you okay?
[Missed Call from Eddie 20:23]
Eddie
20:24
If you need somewhere to stay, the offer remains for you to come here. I’m so serious, just say the word I’ll set up a mattress in Christopher’s room and move him into mine and Shannon’s room.
Evan
21:27
you’re sweet.
Evan
21:28
thank you for the offer but im okay
Eddie
21:39
Just promise me you’ll be safe?
Evan
21:39
pinky promise
Evan
21:39
[Image Attached]
Eddie
21:47
Evan your face…make sure you keep that clean. And straight to the hospital if you start having trouble eating or swallowing or anything like that. Or if it gets infected.
Eddie
21:48
If you change your mind the offer remains
April 21, 2012
Evan
08:23
I finally reached out to Maddie.
Evan
08:24
sent her a postcard
Evan
08:24
makes me miss sending u letters
Evan
08:24
but im glad ur back coz i like having instant access to you
Evan
10:11
semi-instant access to you
Eddie
10:22
sorry its been a rough morning
Eddie
10:22
im proud of you for reaching out to maddie
Evan
10:23
wow no grammar musta been a bad morning
Evan
10:23
wanna talk about it?
Eddie
10:34
long story short woke up to my parents at the door
Eddie
10:35
hows georgia?
Eddie
10:35
still staying with Carl?
Evan
10:35
why? you jealous?
Eddie
10:35
yes
Evan
10:36
cute
Evan
10:41
if it makes you feel better he doesn’t give head as good as you, he’s just a free couch to sleep on
Eddie
10:48
free couch and good head right here if you would just make your way to texas
Evan
10:59
divorce your wife and i’ll think about it
😜
Eddie
11:08
evan…
Evan
11:08
I’m KIDDING
Evan
11:08
kinda
Evan
11:09
no i’d be there tomorrow if u did tho who am i kidding
Eddie
11:27
so how much longer are you staying in georgia then?
Evan
12:06
idk depends where the road calls me
Evan
12:07
did you hear back from that job?
Eddie
12:33
not yet
May 05, 2012
Evan
05:22
happy one year anniversary since we met
Evan
05:22
your present is that im leaving georgia
Evan
05:22
carl called me his boyfriend last night i almost heaved
Evan
05:23
miss u
Eddie
05:44
boo carl
Eddie
05:44
miss you too
Eddie
06:46
wait a YEAR
Eddie
06:46
WE NEED TO CELEBRATE
Eddie
06:50
You should get on the first flight to texas ;)
Evan
09:02
wish i could babe i wish i could
June 27, 2012
Eddie
07:21
[Image Attached]
Eddie
07:21
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANDSOME!! WISH I WAS THERE CELEBRATING WITH YOU TODAY! Pour me a drink by the sexiest mixologist in Virginia Beach. <3
Evan
07:22
who is this?
Eddie
07:22
Who is this?
Evan
07:23
this is jade, evan’s girlfriend
Eddie
07:23
Hi “Jade, Evan’s Girlfriend”. This is Eddie. Is there a reason you’re on his phone? Or do you just enjoy violating people’s privacy.
Evan
07:24
is there a reason you’re sending my boyfriend flirty texts?
Eddie
07:24
I was just wishing him a Happy Birthday. He’s my best friend, wanted him to know I was thinking about him.
Evan
07:25
uhuh…sure
Evan
07:25
maybe dont. he has me now he doesnt need a ‘best friend’
Evan
11:42
ohmygod eddie im so sorry i didnt even know she had got onto my phone im sorry that was not okay of her
[Missed Call from Evan 12:47]
[Missed Call from Evan 15:09]
Eddie
19:33
Been at work all day, sorry
Eddie
19:33
Hope you’ve had the best birthday
June 28, 2011
Evan
01:39
just got off work
Evan
01:45
broke up with jade, she asked if its coz im secretly dating u, i said i wish
😂
Evan
02:00
gonna crash for a couple hours then see if i cant find work somewhere else, might go to florida sweat out my troubles for the rest of the summer if i dont reply its coz im on the road
Eddie
07:41
Oh, Evan. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to cause trouble between you. Especially not on your birthday :(
Eddie
08:47
Drive safe, make sure you take lots of breaks and drink water. Stop overnight if you have to! I’m going to work now I’ll text you when I’m off.
Eddie
14:33
Please tell me you’ve pulled over for breaks and haven’t been driving this whole time
Eddie
19:41
Call me when you stop driving.
[Missed Call from Evan 21:17]
[Missed Call from Eddie 21:43]
[Missed Call from Evan 22:01]
Evan
22:30
im safe
Evan
22:30
made it to florida
Evan
22:31
miss ur voice
July 04, 2012
Evan
04:31
idk if the fireworks today will be too much for u but know im thinking about u and wish i was there with u
Evan
04:31
call me if u need me
July 28, 2012
Evan
11:23
got a call back from a construction job! they do work all over florida and have approved my application im a working man again!
Evan
11:26
was starting to think i might have to sell my body
😜
Eddie
11:33
thats amazing im so proud of u
Evan
11:40
whats wrong?
Eddie
11:45
nothing
Evan
11:46
bullshit no proper grammar something wrong
[Missed Call from Evan 12:13]
Evan
12:20
eds talk to me
Eddie
12:38
I’m fine.
Eddie
12:38
Just stressed about Chris.
Eddie
12:39
You got a job! Should be celebrating! Don’t worry about me <3
Evan
12:39
i always worry about u
September 04, 2012
Evan
04:07
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANDSOME
Evan
04:07
i posted you something in the mail, i hope it arrives on time ;)
Evan
04:08
im working til like 4 today but i’ll call u tonight
Eddie
11:09
YOU'RE SO LUCKY SHANNON DIDN'T SEE THAT YOU FIEND
Eddie
11:10
ABSOLUTE MENACE
Evan
15:33
you didnt like it?
😜
Evan
15:33
i had it cast special for u from my own
Evan
15:34
i did send u something proper too but tracking says it wont be there til tomorrow
🙄
Eddie
16:02
Evan did you send me flowers too?
Eddie
16:04
You’re the sweetest I love them
Eddie
16:04
[Image Attached]
Evan
16:15
im glad
❤️
Evan
16:16
making that pic my lockscreen and telling everyone who asks that ur my boyfriend btw
Eddie
16:31
of course you are
September 06, 2012
August 27
Eddie,
I looked up how long shipping should take and with luck this should arrive in time for your birthday. I know I’m pushing it so if it doesn’t I’m sorry. And if it does by some miracle arrive early then stop reading asshole and wait.
Happy Birthday! You’re 22 today! Or yesterday or the day before or the day before. You get the gist.
I hope that the time spent with your family today is spent celebrating you. Because, Eddie, there is so much to celebrate when it comes to you. You have this huge heart and spend all your time trying to make sure the others in your life are happy, that I think you forget to take that time for yourself as well. I hope that your wife and your mom and sisters make sure you know how loved you are. And if they don’t I’m just a phone call away. I’ll make sure you know every day until forever, Eddie. You have to know that. I love you. I know that we’re never going to go anywhere further than whatever this is that we have going on but I want you to know that I’ll love you anyway. No matter whose bed I fall into at night, it's you who holds my heart.
You don’t have to even acknowledge I said it. We can pretend that paragraph doesn’t exist but I needed you to know.
You said you’re not much of a jewellery person, you have your wedding band and your St. Christopher charm but I saw this and it made me think of you. You don’t have to wear it, you don’t even have to keep it. I’m not that great at gift giving.
You just texted me so I’m going to go reply to that now.
Yours,
Evan
Eddie
14:12
I love you
Evan
14:14
I love you too