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Magnus hadn’t been exaggerating when he said he’d be out all day, Alec realized sadly. He let himself into the familiar apartment that had been his home for the past couple of weeks at eight in the morning. He knew he was being selfish, hoping to see him one last time, hoping to convince him to take him back.
Alec sighed and set to work gathering up his belongings. He wanted to leave something behind for Magnus to remember him by, but that was just another selfish thought. He had to respect Magnus’ wishes, no matter how much they pained him.
He packed away the clothes in his spare drawer first, knowing the bedroom would be the most painful place to enter. Tears pricked his eyes as he remembered nights curled up beside Magnus, their arms sheltering each other even in sleep. He grabbed what few toiletries he had stashed in the bathroom and hurried out of there.
He combed over the apartment, even wandering into spare bedrooms he’d never used. If Magnus wanted to be through with him and everyone in his life, he felt he ought to make sure no one had left anything behind while Magnus offered them hospitality. Magnus was so generous, maybe he would grant Alec a second chance in time.
Having gathered his belongings, a stray hair brush with Izzy’s black hair in it, a t-shirt of Simon’s, and a pair of fuzzy socks he thought he’d seen Clary wear around the Institute, Alec stood poised to leave by the door with his hand on the knob. But, he couldn’t bear to leave no remnant of himself behind. He stalked into the kitchen and grabbed a pad of paper and a pen off the counter. He hastily scribbled a short note, desperate to be out of the now stifling apartment. He felt as if memories of himself and Magnus were pressing down on him, threatening to strangle him.
Magnus,
I know what I did was wrong and you deserve better. I hope you find someone better. I’m so sorry. I know it doesn’t help, but I need you to know. Thank you for the love you have shown me and extended to my friends and family. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for everything.
Alec Lightwood
He at least owed him a thank you note, he figured. For once, he knew exactly what to say. It was much too little too late, but he thought it ought to count for something. When Magnus arrived home late that night and read his heartfelt note, he thought similarly. He held the note carefully in his slim hands as he sat at the kitchen table and mourned over the absence of Alec from his life. He was too sad and tired to cry.