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Kyle has recently started a relationship with Heidi after she broke up with Cartman once again. He didn't understand why they even tried getting back together, their relationship was just like how Stan and Wendy were. Kyle figured that he'd be a better fit for Heidi anyway.
Today had been a bit more stressful than the rest, though.
Not only was he stressing because of how wracked up he was with homework, he had his first real date with Heidi tonight. They would usually hang out at eachothers houses, but today it was different, they're actually going out to eat at a nice place. Well, if you consider Applebee's of all things a nice place. Kyle didn't have the kind of money for anything fancier, even though his dad's a lawyer.
Unlike when he was younger, Kyle doesn't like to spend money super quickly. He's a bit stingy, if you will.
He knew as soon as he first met Heidi when he was younger that he loved her, and after finding out from Stan that Heidi and Cartman were no longer together, he almost instantly jumped at the opportunity.
Heidi was such a nice girl, and she needed a nice guy to love her back. Kyle knew he was basically a perfect fit for her.
Kyle stared at himself in the mirror in his bathroom, worrying about how tonight could go. What if he somehow screwed it up? What she were to confess to not liking him anymore? What if she wanted to kiss afterwards? Or even full on makeout? He really hadn't kissed anyone before and the thought only makes him more nervous.
He gripped the edge of counter tightly before leaning forward toward the mirror. As he took a deep breath in, he knew he had to do something to prepare for tonight other than looking nice.
He needed to practice his kissing. It felt a bit embarrassing to think that, but it was true. He wanted to make sure Heidi would want to kiss him again and if that meant he needed to practice, then he's all for it.
Kyle looks at one of his hands before internally cringing at the thought of kissing his own hand. It wasn't the same as actually kissing someome, and it felt childish. If he were to kiss something, he'd want it to be a human, not his own hand. Plus, his hand couldn't give feedback the way an actual person could.
But who would he practice with? Literally any girl in south park that wasnt Heidi? Nope. That would be hard to excuse.
Kyle wasn't gay, but, Stan? No. Stan was actually at a good point in his relationship with Wendy and it would feel odd to kiss a man with a partner. Kenny? Definitely not. He had a partner too.
Fuck. Kyle didn't know. Was he gonna have to go in blind and unknowing? He didn't want to disappoint Heidi.
Until he thought of one last option.
Cartman.
He puts his face in his hands before letting out a long, deep sigh. Cartman, really? The fatass that's belittled him for as long as he could remember? Kiss him? No way. There had to be someone else.
Kyle knew Cartman would straight up laugh in his face and tell him how gay he was for even asking that.
I mean, Cartman fit what Kyle had wanted for someone to practice on; He was newly single, he was pretty much one of his friends, but, he was Heidi's ex and Kyle knew if she found out, she'd be pissed.
On the other hand, Kyle didn't know how Cartman felt about him dating Heidi, as they haven't spoken since she broke up with him.
He felt desperate. It was either make a fool of himself when kissing Heidi later that night or practice kissing his girlfriends ex.
He anxiously ran a hand through his orange curls. Was he really thinking about kissing someone whom he was basically enemies with?
He knew he had to at least give it a chance, the worst Cartman could say is no, right? His eyes met the ones reflected back at him, he felt as if he had no choice.
Was Cartman even a good kisser? He's had practice with Heidi, which means he may actually be the best choice Kyle has.
"Ky? Are you almost done in there?" He could hear Ike shout through the door, accompanied by a loud knock, "You've been in there for thirty minutes!"
Kyles cheeks flush a soft pink in embarrassment as it's revealed how long he's been staring at himself in the mirror and thinking. "Yeah, just a minute!"
-----
Kyle decides to shoot Cartman a text to see if it's alright to come over, but, his thumb hovers over the send button as he thinks about it. He needed to stop being so paranoid about something so little. He sends it quickly and hopes Cartman doesn't push for an explanation.
He taps his pointer finger against the side of his phone as he sees Cartman begin to type, and for what seemed like forever.
Luckily, Cartman replied shortly and sweetly, only having typed a simple 'yeah whatever.'
Kyle lets out a sigh of relief before deciding on messaging Heidi aswell to tell her that he'd be at Cartman's house.
He could tell Heidi wasn't too fond and was a bit annoyed but ultimately was fine with it.
He shoves his phone in the pocket of his jeans and darts for the front door, not bothering to tell anyone in his house where he was going or why he was leaving.
All he knew was he wanted to get this over with, and quick.
Within a few minutes, he's at Cartmans front door. He knocks, of course. Kyle's glad that it wasn't as cold as usual outside because of how long Cartman took to open the door.
Kyle meets the brunets gaze as the door is opened and instantly notices the peeved expression on his face. He couldn't help but wonder why.
"Hurry up and come in. I have better things to do." Cartman spoke harshly before stepping out of the way of the door frame to allow Kyle to come in.
"Okay, okay." Kyle replies while subtly rolling his eyes. He quickly steps inside the house and watches as Eric nearly slams the door shut.
They both sit on the couch and hear how it creaks under their combined weight. Kyle felt instantly nervous as he realized he was being stared at.
"Didn't I tell you to hurry? I don't have time for this." Cartman hisses and crosses his arms over his chest impatiently.
Kyle clears his throat before starting to give his reply, "So.. you know how I've been dating Heidi for like a week.."
"For fucks sake." Cartman growls lowly, stopping Kyle from continuing, "You came here to brag about being with Heidi, huh? What a dick move."
Panic surges in Kyles chest as his words were taken the wrong way. He quickly stammers out while shaking his head, "No no no, it's not like that!"
Cartman loudly yet exasperatedly sighs, calming himself, while leaning back against the couch, "No, I totally get it. You and Heidi are such a great fit for eachother. Just rub it in, why don't ya."
"No, seriously! It's just.. I need help with something!"
Cartman leans forward and his eyes widen slightly, making Kyle feel as if he's staring into his soul, "If it has something to do with Heidi, which I know for a fact it does, im not helping you."
"Cartman, it's not.. it's not for Heidi, well.. it kind of is, but it's more for me." Kyle explains while stumbling over his words slightly.
Cartman rolls his eyes before knitting his brows together. He replies, but, his words sound less like a question and more like a statement. "Fine, Kyle, what do you want from me."
Kyle feels his cheeks heat up and he awkwardly rubs at the back of his neck. He gives a nervous grin toward Cartman before speaking, "Well, uh, the thing i need help with is a bit.. odd.. to say the least."
Cartmans eyebrow quirks as he notices the slight pink flush on the gingers cheeks. "Go on?"
"So, I am, uh," Kyle stutters, feeling more nervous with every second that passes. He begins to fidget with his fingers before continuing, "I'm thinking that Heidi will kiss me tonight, and, um, I may or may not need some practice.."
Cartman freezes for a second before bursting into a fit of laughter, completely contrasting how he was acting just a few minutes ago.
"Oh my god, Kyle. You can't be serious!" Cartman manages to say through his laughter before doubling over and clutching at his stomach.
"I'm not lying!"
"Right, and i'm fat."
"You are fat!"
"Oh, kyel." Cartman snorts through his laughter before shaking his head.
Kyles cheeks redden more as he's laughed at, yet he tries to keep an unbothered look on his face. He crosses his arms across his chest tightly, "Seriously! I really do need practice. That's why I came to you."
Cartmans laughter settles down as he realizes Kyle is indeed not lying. He sits back up to lean against the back of the couch and stares at Kyle, his eyes slightly widened. It's silent for a second before Cartman clears his throat then speaks, "You.. you really do need practice..?"
Kyle wanted to facepalm, but decided against it. "Yes, you douche. I wasn't kidding."
"Why'd you come to me?"
"Just think about it for a second, Cartman. Why would I come to you of all people?"
Cartman seems to think for a second before deftly meeting Kyles eyes, "Did you come to me because i'm gay?"
"No! I came to you because you have experience with Heidi! You could actually tell me what she likes and what she doesnt!" Kyle hisses while tightly knitting his eyebrows together, "and besides, you were my last option."
"I'm glad I wasn't your first option." Cartman sighs out of relief, then cocks an eyebrow, "Wait, why was I your last option if i'm the only one that has made out with Heidi?"
"I don't know, maybe because I don't like you?" Kyle grits his teeth subtly. So much for getting this over with quickly.
Cartmans mouth forms to a sly grin, unable to hide his amusement, "Yeah, alright, makes sense."
Kyle lets out a deep breath that he felt like he had been holding in forever. He starts, "I basically want you to criticize my kissing. Tell me what to improve on."
Cartman nods and scratches his chin before asking out of nowhere, "annnd what do I get out of this? Because it sure as hell won't be enjoyment."
"Hilarious." Kyles voice drips with sarcasm as he speaks. He doesn't laugh at Cartmans last statement, instead, he shakes his head, "You need something in return?"
"Yeah? I'm not just gonna kiss a jew for free." Cartman retorts before tutting his tongue, "And I was thinking something along the lines of... money? Like.. twenty.. maybe fifty dollars?"
Kyle sighs. Of course. Why wouldn't it be money?
"I'll give you the money after we're done, deal, fatso?"
"Sounds great, Money is money either way."
Kyle hadn't thought he would get this far, he thought he'd just get kicked out once Cartman found out he was dating Heidi, but here he is, about to kiss Cartman and listen to his criticism.
Kyle feels his chest tightening and his heart beginning to race. He shifts closer to Cartman on the couch, watching as the other reciprocated the action.
"Go ahead, dude. I dont bite." Cartman smirks, clearly trying to rile Kyle up.
Without any more snark remarks from either of the two, Kyle leans in, ghosting his lips against cartmans before tentatively pressing them together.
It was awkward. Teeth were clinking, noses were bumping together, there was close to no rhythm. It was obvious how inexperienced Kyle was.
It was maybe a few seconds before Cartman pulled away and shoved his hand over Kyle's mouth. He snickers, "Dude, you're so ass at kissing."
Kyles cheeks flush softly as he pulls Cartmans hand off of his mouth. He mumbles, "I told you I needed some practice."
"No shit!" Cartman snorts, not bothering to hide his amusement, "Holy fuck, you said you were bad but I didn't expect that!"
Kyle grits his teeth. He felt his cheeks grow hotter. He wanted actual criticism, not blatant crude comments.
Kyle was beginning to think this whole thing was a bad idea.
"Y'know, maybe I could just go without your help." Kyle sneers before he begins to get up off of the couch, but, Cartman grabs him gently by the arm.
"Sorry, sorry." Cartman snickers, "I'll help you. I'm not gonna miss out on a opportunity for money, Kyel."
Kyle let out a loud sigh before sitting back down. Cartman then slaps his hand onto kyles shoulder.
"Listen, that kiss was bad, and I know Heidi would hate it too." Cartman squeezes Kyles shoulder as he meets his eyes, "You're actually lucky you came to me. I'm like.. a master at kissing."
A master? Kyle shook his head, "You're not that good."
"Doesnt matter," Cartman rolls his eyes before continuing, "anyway, first thing, which is common sense, you need to know what the person you're kissing likes."
"Okay, so, what does Heidi like?"
Cartman pauses for a second, then speaks, "she likes those kisses that start gentle then get all touchy-feely... and.. she also liked when I squeezed her chest during it."
Kyle furrows his eyebrows and crosses his arms across his chest tightly, "and how do you suppose I do that second thing?"
"With me..?"
"With you? You're a dude!"
"I have a fuckin' chest kyel, geez."
Kyle pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, "It's not the same as a woman's chest."
"A chest is a chest, jew." Cartman shakes his head, the corners of his lips quirked up in a slight smirk, "let's move on, then."
"I think the biggest problem you had was that you need to not be so awkward. Have confidence!" Cartman speaks in a tone that sounds like a motivational speaker as he grabs Kyle by the shoulders and shakes him, "The more confidence you have, the less mistakes you'll make. Plus, the chicks love it."
"And..?" Kyle cocks an eyebrow, waiting for Cartman to list another way to improve.
"Thats all I can think of right now."
"Really? Just grab her tits and have confidence? That's some shit advice."
"It can't be that bad because worked for me on Heidi." Cartman shrugs.
Kyle still couldn't believe that this was the person he was getting advice from.
Kyle huffs before leaning close to Cartman once again, "just let me try again."
" 'Kay. Go ahead." Cartman nods subtly
He cups cartmans face before he presses their lips together, more confidently than before.
This time, he can actually taste a faint hint of strawberry from Cartman.
He slides a hand down to Cartman's side. Kyle could feel the vibration of Cartman humming against his lips in approval.
Shockingly, taking some of Cartman's advice turned out great.
Hesitantly, Kyles hand shifts to Cartmans chest, where he begins to softly squeeze it. He hears the bigger males breathing pick up and a soft gasp is pulled from his throat.
"Yeah.. Broflovski.. like that.." Cartman grunts against the gingers lips as he subtly arches into the intoxicating touch.
That isn't how Kyle expected Cartman to react at all and it sent shivers down his spine.
It was moments before Cartman had straddled Kyles lap and had loosely wrapped his arms around the latters neck.
Kyle noticed that Cartman smelt strongly of colonge only when he got closer, but Kyle wasn't bothered by it. He was more focused on not fucking this up.
For Heidi, of course. It's all just practice for Heidi.
Kyle began to kiss Cartman deeper, even instinctually deciding on taking cartmans bottom lip between his teeth.
Kyle knew he was doing something right as soon as he heard Cartman moan into his mouth.
Having never heard Cartman moan before, Kyle felt the sweet sound go straight to his dick, making it harden in his pants against the bigger males thigh.
Cartman smirked against Kyle's lips before beginning to grind his hips down into Kyle's, causing the latter to inhale sharply.
Kyles hands move to the hem of Cartmans shirt before desperately pulling it off of him, noticing how he shivered as the cool air hit his bare skin.
He pressed his lips against the bigger males neck before starting to nip and pepper kisses on it. Cartman lets out a soft gasp at the sensation of Kyle sucking at the most sensitive part of his neck, which was sure to leave a hickey in its place.
There was no way they were gonna stop now.
Kyles hands quickly slide down to the waistband of the chubby males sweatpants before gripping it and pulling the thick sweats down with ease.
His dick twitches in interest in his pants at the sight of Cartman only in his boxers. It's something he's only seen a few times before, but this time it had more of an effect on him.
Cartman resumed his grinding motions, cupping kyles face and pressing their foreheads together.
"It hurts me to say how hot I think you are right now." Cartman murmured, unable to stop the smirk that spread over his lips.
Kyle rolled his eyes subtly before matching the smirk with one of his own. He purrs, "How hot do you think I am?"
"So fucking hot."
Their lips meet again, more fervently this time, but only lasting a few seconds.
Cartman could hardly wait. He gripped the hem of Kyle's shirt tightly before deftly pulling it off of him. He runs his hands along kyles chest, down to his abdomen, then stops at his belt.
He looks back to Kyle, silently asking for approval. Kyle gives a soft nod, his heart thumping quickly in his chest.
Kyle's eyes watch Cartmans hands intently, noticing how teasingly slow he unbuckled the belt and shifted it out of the belt loops.
He zips down the fly of the gingers jeans. The boxers make the bulge look more pronounced than it had looked before.
Cartman couldn't help but roll his hips again into Kyle's, who blissfully reciprocated the action.
Soft grunts and breathy moans filled the otherwise silent living room. An occasional 'kyle' can be heard aswell.
Cartmans hands grip the waistband of kyles jeans, sliding them down only slightly to get more access to what lied under the fabric.
They were both happily unaware of their surroundings..
"Kyle!?"
..which very quickly proves to be a huge mistake.
The two males jolt at the sound of the woman's voice. Their eyes both dart to the door, only to see a shell-shocked Heidi.
Kyles eyes widened even harder. He had completely forgotten about the date he had with Heidi that night and how she'd definitely come over to see if something happened when he didnt show up.
Heidi didn't give Kyle a chance to even speak before running out the door and slamming it on the way.
The room fell silent besides for the sound of Kyle and Cartmans combined breathing.
Kyles mind was racing, he knew he'd have to explain to Heidi what the hell he was doing with her ex. Fuck. She definitely thought he was cheating on her. Kyle felt a tinge of guilt build in his chest.
"so do I still get my fifty bucks or nah..?"