Work Text:
yoimiya had been without water since Friday.
While chugging one water, she decided to phone a friend for help. "I've been without water since friday," said yoimiya, who had been without water since friday.
"Then... just buy water from the market?" said Rosaria.
in honor of this brilliant insight, yoimiya choked and spit one water all over the screen, her trachea unablr to handle the sheer ingenuity of rosarias suggestion
"YOU LITTLE BASTARD! IM SOAKED" screamed rosaria through the phone. She slapped yoimiya so hard her head piece flew out of her head into oblivion and she pulled yoimiya out of the phone and strangled her until she became a human dynamite. but since she didnt have her headpiece, rosaria was legally the owner of only 96% of a yoimiya.
Paimon, seeing this from the storm drain in front of rosarias house, quit her job of being an urban legend and decided to pursue her dream of being an expired can of cream-free whipped cream instead
"aw shucks, i've also been without water since Friday," said rosaria, who just realized she had been without water since friday. Unfortunately, she had spent all her money on dollar margarita night at Angels share. Her only option was to go to the market to buy one water.
"Goddammit," said rosaria. who realized the only thing she owned was 96% of a yoimiya and bipolar disorder.
"IM GOING TO LEAVE IF YOU DON'T PAY SOON" screamed her uber driver, kinich. Rosaria rummaged around in her pockets, finding a margarita.
"Do you accept payment in Margarita?"
"what?"
Rosaria took the opportunity to shove the whole margarita, including the glass down his throat. Now, kinich wasn't able to drive because he was drunk so she dumped him next to the storm drain and stole his 2018 toyota corolla
rosaria walked up to the ikea customer service desk, a huge orange sign saying "BEWARE OF SCARAMOUCHE. HE BARKS AND BITES." above it
"one water please" she said while scaramouche robbed the ikea cafe with an oculus.
" okay" said diluc. he gave her the water. rosaria suddenly had a great idea. she grabbed diluc and shoved him into her inventory, just as her idol and divine deity childe a.k.a divine adulte had done to defeat the cruel cashed known as mona.
"HEY-STO-" diluc turned into a cucumber, as foretold in the great prophecies writted by the writer of teyvat a long time ago. But alas, he was once more a cucumber, and was powerless for the time being.
Back at the ikea cafe, 68 multiple accounts of genocide and robbery had been reported within the span of 31 hours and childe was involved in all of them because he was childe.
"BACK OFF" screamed the barista , nilou impaling him with the wooden handle of a cheap quality Ross broom. "JUST LET ME LIVE UNTIL I GET MY PAYCHECK"
Gold coins and Lucky Charms marshmellows started pouring out his wound. Having no choice being injured, the ginger decided to flee back to ireland on a rainbow bridge. Zhongli, who was sitting on his wheelchair nearby, was instantly blinded by the light show and had to be rushed to the nearest hospital.
Rosaria’s problem was finally over. water. finally.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
The next day, Zhongli was recovering. Finally. Until the ginger came. He didn’t know what that scum wanted. It was the gingers fault that he was sick and crippled in this crappy hospital.
”IM GOING TO TOUCH YOU!1!!1” screamed childe deviously.
For the first time in 30 years, Zhongli got out of his wheenchair, just to try to punch the leprechaun. “FOR WHAT PURPOSE??? IM NOT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THIS AO3 FANFIC!”
The hospital would have been destroyed by the blinding ability of lucky charms and rainbows at that moment had Saiki K not intervened.